


A Hive 8n't A Home

by power464646



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ableism, Brain Damage, Candy continuation, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Death Threats, Extremely Gay Pining, Found Family, Growing Up, Healing, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Multi, Panic Attacks, Psychological Trauma, Self-Harm, Suicidal Ideation, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2020-12-14 03:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 160,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21008963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/power464646/pseuds/power464646
Summary: A young woman finds herself stranded on Earth in a dead end universe after a catastrophic failure of a battle with an invincible time god. All her friends are suddenly old and miserable, and they're doting over her every need like a bunch of meddlefiends!!!!!!!!A young cobalt-blooded boy with no friends finds himself incapable of dealing with the violent night-to-night life of being a kid growing up on Alternia, when one night a mysterious journal falls from the sky and changes his life forever.





	1. Day 1: HAMARTIA

Your name is VRISKA SERKET.

That's the first thing you remember when you wake up in a stark white bed with an incessantly beeping machine next to you. Your chest, and the left side of your face, are bound in bandages, and there are... tubes of some kind, hooked up to you? You very badly want to pull them out, but you can feel that's a terrible idea.  
You feel... really light, but at the same time, super heavy? It's weird, and you don't understand.  
You try to understand, but you don't fucking understand!  
Shit, wait. Where are your glasses? Are you... hurt? Where's Terezi?  
"Where's..." you begin, and someone vaguely familiar jumps up and hurries over to you. Two people, in fact. A boy and a girl. Who...?

???: Shit! She's aw8ke!  
¿¿¿: oh damn! uh... what, should i flag down a doctor or something?  
???: Yes, you idiot!

The boy runs off... or... walks? Something. Whatever.

VRISKA: Where's...  
???: Where's what?

You cast your mind back to this morning. What happened this morning? Uh...

There was something to do with the meteor, but you're not on it right now. You think the something with the meteor is the reason you're not on it?

VRISKA: Am I...  
VRISKA: Hurt?  
???: Oh, yeah. You got Badly Fucked Up 8y your crash landing yesterday.

Oh, wow. Hm. That's right! You crash landed the meteor in the new session. Did you? Wait, maybe you're remembering wrong.

???: Is everything ok?  
VRISKA: Where's Terezi?  
VRISKA: If I'm hurt... she should 8e here. She's always here for me.

The girl comes closer and strokes your hand. You like the feeling of that. Upon her head are the horns of a Serket. That's... pretty surprising, actually. You never expected Aranea to actually care about you.

A tear wells up in her eye, instantly confirming that this is very much not Aranea.

VRISKA: Who...!?  
VRISKA: Where's Ter8zi???????? Why isn't sh8 here?

You try to get up, but your body is unnaturally weak. You force yourself, trying to move every muscle you can, and you toss and turn about in your bed while the boy and a carapacian with a white shell rush over. The carapacian gestures for the girl and the boy to hold you down, and they do. And it feels terrible and you so badly want them to get off you and stop treating you like a fucking animal, but the carapacian injects something into your arm. It's a sharp pain, but it fades away very quickly, and all other sensations of touch follow suit. Your one unbandaged eye darts around between the three of them and you try to push them away but you can't. You can't move, you can't clench your fists, you can't even run away like a fucking coward! You try to scream, try to yell and call for help but the only sound that comes out is a groan.  
The girl leans in. She smells like Kanaya.

???: Terezi left 22 years ago, Vriska.  
???: I'm sorry.  
???: She's gone.

No. No, that doesn't make any sense! You work up all your willpower to shout at this girl, tell her she's lying, but all that happens is that a drop of drool rolls down your chin. God, you're disgusting. How did you ever end up like this? Like, like, like some kind of...

You black out. There's no fanfare to it. There's just a moment you're awake, succeeded by one where you aren't.

⁂

When you wake up again, you feel groggy. You did before, but you're aware of it now. Your eyesight is better, but you still have to squint without your glasses.  
You sit up, as best as you can, and massage the bandaged side of your face with your hand. Everything hurts.  
Standing by your side are the carapacian (who nods to the boy at seeing you awake, turns, and leaves), the girl, and the boy who looks awfully like...

VRISKA: J...  
VRISKA: John?  
¿¿¿: oh shit. you know my dad?  
???: Of course she does, dipshit. This is Vriska Fucking Serket!  
¿¿¿: what!?!

The girl turns to you.

???: Hey, Vriska. This is my 8oyfriend Harry. I'd like to apologize on his 8ehalf for 8eing a dumb stupid idiot who can't figure out who you are from One Look at your horns.  
HARRY: hey!!  
VRISKA: Ha... ha...  
VRISKA: 8oys, am I right?  
HARRY: ok i can't argue with that.  
VRISKA: Hey. Where... am I?  
HARRY: oh right. were hospitals a thing on alternia?  
VRISKA: Were... what?  
???: Oh, snap. 8asically, you're in an institution for treating people with really horrible injuries.  
???: You passed out yesterday with a ton of cuts from... they think it might have 8een glass? In your head and chest, so they had to put you under anaesthetic and Get That Shit Out.  
???: Your head's gonna scar, they think, 8ut your chest is fine.  
???: You're also concussed. They don't know what that's gonna mean long term for you.  
VRISKA: What happened yesterday...?  
???: Try to remem8er.

You concentrate, but it's harder than you thought. You think about the past few days. They've all been leading up to your arrival in the new session, and then...

VRISKA: Alright, shit. Let's think.  
VRISKA: So we all made it to the new session just fine, 8ut...  
VRISKA: Jade was evil. Right, okay. Cool. That was the pro8lem I had to deal with.  
VRISKA: John's dancestor was evil too, I think.  
???: Still is.

Harry nudges his girlfriend, and coughs slightly.

???: Sorry. Continue.  
VRISKA: ...Right. Okay, then we had to rescue the Lalonde and Harley dancestors on Derse, 8ut...  
VRISKA: Lalonde... died?  
HARRY: No she didn't. She's my-  
VRISKA: No, she definitely died. 8ut then- OH W8! John was dead too! 8ut a different version of 8oth of them came from another timeline!  
VRISKA: Then we went and had our 8ig... final 8oss 8attle... I think. Fuck. I can't remem8er how that went.  
VRISKA: Look, I really need to talk to Terezi right now. I'm exhausted, and I've got a huge head8che, and nothing makes sense!  
VRISKA: Where is she? Does she know I'm here?

You sit up, and your blanket falls off your chest like the opening of a white curtain. Like you're left to wonder things you shouldn't have, and you've reopened a narrative thread like a fresh wound. You've picked at the scab too much, and now it's going to bleed.  
There are bandages wrapped around your chest, and right in the middle is a deep, dark, blue patch. The appearance of a dark spot on a white background reminds you of something. It reminds you of...  
Oh no.

VRISKA: No no no no no no no no...  
VRISKA: This can't 8e right. No, this can't-

The girl puts a hand on your shoulder to reassure you, but she only cements the fact that this is all painfully real. You're stuck here, now. You're stuck here forever.  
You remember everything else that happened yesterday, and your stomach turns. You remember the hardly-finished battle with the big guy himself. You remember Gamzee, now eight sweeps your senior, putting his hands on you. And you remember this girl - your namesake - who's replaced you in the minds of your old friends while they all presumably went and forgot all about you. You shove her off, and you don't say a thing. If you so much as open your mouth now, you're going to cry.

You remember that you can never see Terezi Pyrope ever again.

The three of you let a silence hang over yourselves. None of you look at each other. None of you move. And then, your stomach interrupts your brooding with a critical announcement.

VRISKA: I'm hungry.  
VRISKA II: God, I 8et you 8re.

You glare at her. It's easier for you to take offense at the remarks of other people than it is to feel depressed about yourself, and it's already very very easy to feel depressed about yourself.

VRISKA: What????????  
VRISKA II: What.  
VRISKA: Are you saying that I'm out of sh8pe? That I'm fat? "I 8et you 8re." Don't give me this 8ullshit.  
VRISKA: Having to stay locked up in the same complex for a sweep and a 8it doesn't make for a lifestyle where exercise is easy. Is that "fucking okay" with you or whatever?  
VRISKA II: What?  
VRISKA II: No, of course you're not fat. You're like, norm8l.  
VRISKA II: You've just been unconscious for like 30 hours, fam.

Oh.

VRISKA: "Fam"?  
VRISKA II: Oh shit. Families weren't a thing on 8lternia, huh?  
VRISKA: Well,

You had Her. You don't think you could ever forget. But you don't like thinking about Her. She makes your heart race, and your skin crawl.

VRISKA: No.

Harry clears his throat, grabbing your attention.

HARRY: hey uh,  
HARRY: you wanted something to eat right?

Oh, yeah! You did! You almost forgot in your blind anger, because you’re one presumptuous, defensive motherfucker.

VRISKA: Yeah. Sure.  
HARRY: what should i get you?  
VRISKA: I- uh...

Wow, holy shit. What do they even eat on this planet? You have no idea, actually. But you have to keep face. Think, dammit, think! What human foods do Rose and Dave and John talk about all the time?

VRISKA II: (snrk.)  
VRISKA II: She's an Alternian, Harry. They 8 ba8ies and stuff.  
VRISKA: Hey! Only the defective ones.  
VRISKA: And even then, some of us... a8stained. For reasons of our own.  
VRISKA: 8esides, that was hardly even a key part of anyone's diet. Just like how humans don't eat... I don't know, tuna? No8ody eats that every day.  
VRISKA: Think 8efore you speak, alright? This was always a really dicey topic.

Tuna. You're proud of yourself for remembering that one.

VRISKA II: Hey, I'm allowed to joke a8out this Kind Of Stuff. My family's half-8lternian. Hell, I'm ninety-nine percent You 8y 8lood.  
HARRY: (hey should i just get you a club sandwich or something)  
VRISKA: Then you'll 8e pleased to hear you're not descended from a fucking infantivore!  
HARRY: (i'll just go. do that. bye)  
VRISKA: (okay 8ye harry!)  
VRISKA II: (8yeeeeeeee!)  
VRISKA: Look. My hive already had one child-eating monster and quite frankly, I'm not a huge fan of the insinu8tion that I'm like Her! Okay? Okay, cool! Now let's just drop it altogether!  
VRISKA II: W8, who are you talking a8-  
VRISKA: I SAID DROP IT!!!!!!!!

She reels away from you, and you take a moment to look at yourself. To really, truly look at yourself. Is this who you are? Are you the kind of person who thinks this conversation is an acceptable fucking first impression? Holy shit.  
Yes, you decide. Yes, this is who you are. It's who you've always been. She'd always berate you for letting thoughts like that cross your mind. Ever since She died, you've had to pick up the slack and do it yourself. You stew over in your self-hatred for about a minute, and by the time Harry comes back and hands you two diagonally bisected halves of a sandwich, wrapped in foil, you think you've lost your appetite.

HARRY: here, take it.  
VRISKA: No, I'm not hungry anymore.

He holds it out to you slightly more forcefully.

HARRY: taaake it!  
VRISKA II: C'mon, Vris. You-  
VRISKA: (-ka.)  
VRISKA II: -need some fucking susten8nce. Eat your goddamn sandwich.  
VRISKA: Okay, fine.

You snatch it out of his hands, unwrap it, and start wolfing down one half. It's... not bad, actually, and it feels good to have something in your stomach for once.  
The taste is underwhelming to you, but not uninteresting. There, at the edge of your senses, is the taste of meat you weren't aware you were craving. But it's sliced thin and cooked well, leaving its flavor surprisingly tame. So tame, in fact, that it's almost abstract - what has been done to it cannot be undone, and what has become of it is something wholly alien to the thick, full, raw flesh from which it was cut. While its bulk crosses your tastebuds, the understanding of what it is only skirts the borders of your mind, and you don't understand until it's gone.  
The meat is gone, now, but you weren't offered much of it to begin with.  
There are other flavors too, and they linger much longer - not on your tongue, but in your thoughts. You begin to wonder why you wanted meat so badly: on reflection, your craving was primitive. No, perhaps "automatic" is a better word, although there is something undeniably carnal to it (in the most literal way possible). Was it, perhaps, that you expected meat to be dense enough to sate your hunger, and tender enough to entertain some animalistic catharsis passed down to your species from its hexapedal forebears? After all, the other fillings of the sandwich - vegetables both red and green, a pair of colors abundant throughout the utter mess of a saga you were forced to leave behind just yesterday - scratch that itch nicely. The itch is so scratched, you think, that its ancestors are now taking its place in a reset universe. You consider that a good one. God, you're so clever.  
But now you're left to reflect on whether your desire for relevance and the bloodlust your society had instilled in you are what you ever felt drive you, on your most basic level. You'd played with notions, long ago, that you might have enjoyed being a weak little nobody if Skaia had been kind enough to birth you into different circumstances. You're only a hero, let alone such a violent one, out of sheer necessity. Is that something you learned, or was it part of you all along? Can it go away? Was it ever truly there to begin with?  
Of course, you're in two minds about this, with no Seer of such a thing in sight. There's still a very large part of you that's unsatisfied, and angry from its own dissatisfaction. This isn't what you wanted, you can almost hear it scream at the first part of you, how dare you settle for anything less? Did you come all this way for nothing? Would you have been better off dead? What would your lusus say?  
You know the answer to that last one, of course, but you very badly wish you didn't. You know a lot of answers you wish you didn't. You know how it feels to lose an arm, and seven eyes, and an entire body. You know where the drones take those less successful grubs after the brooding cavern trials. And you know why the Alternian warships that decide to land on the green moon are never seen again.  
Too much is demanded of your concussed head by your self-antagonizing mind, and your head puts your mind on hold while it vents its frustration to your much less unreasonable body. You're overcome by a killer migraine, but your body only offers one thought in response:

"Mmm. Sandwich."

That, you decide, will do for now. You scarf down the other half.

It's at this moment another, older human enters the room. She's short, blonde, and wearing a lavender-colored jacket. She looks exasperated, and you know that, because you've seen her look exasperated several thousand times before. It's roughly equal to the number of conversations you've had with her. She crosses the room with the same intensity with which one might cross a throne room and claim their place at its head. There's determination, too, in those orchid-purple eyes, as if the struggle of a battle within her ended long ago, and decisively, but the fires left behind still burned on. And the fires, of course, have a vast and ornate variety of irons in them, where the irons represent... you're not sure. How smart she is, or something? Yeah, why not. That works. She grabs the other Vriska's arm in a grip that is every bit as powerful as it is kind, and despite her stern expression, there is undeniable warmth and softness to it that you would have considered quite unlike her, had it not been a very long time.

ROSE: Vriska Lalonde-Maryam!

Wow. Busting out the full name right from the get-go. She means business.

ROSE: What have I told you about leaving the house without telling me? If you're going to be part of the war effort, I'd at least like you to appreciate that there is, in fact, a war going on, and that your mother and I are doing everything we can to keep you out of it.  
ROSE: When you vanish without a word of warning, there are naturally only so many conclusions we can draw.

She glances at you, offers a curt nod, and turns back to her daughter, who's sulking too hard to offer a retort. You nod back in response, but she's not looking by the time you do.

ROSE: Of course, both of you - and yes, that means you, Harry-

She looks at you again, and she falls silent. Everything she just said falls to one side. Without saying a thing, without moving a muscle, you have her attention. You suppose that's fitting, given you and her are Thief and Seer of the same thing.  
She's clearly confused. After all, that couldn't possibly be you, could it? Oh, but it can, and it is. You alleviate her confusion with a single short syllable, a word in a voice she'd long accepted she would never hear again, and it hits her like the Reckoning.

VRISKA: Hey.

A smile creeps upon your lips as the blood rushes out of her face, and her mouth hangs ajar.

ROSE: Vriska...?  
ROSE: Vriska Serket?!  
VRISKA: 8et you thought I was out of your hair, huh?  
VRISKA: Speaking of which, Vriska, did you know your mother has had this exact same haircut ever since she was a little wiggler?  
VRISKA II: Haha, really?  
VRISKA II: You're so l8me, mom.

Rose doesn't acknowledge the jab. For once, you've totally perplexed her, and there's a lot of information she's struggling to process right now.

ROSE: ...  
ROSE: How is this possible?  
VRISKA: 8eats me.  
VRISKA: Midway during my 8attle with Lord English, I got dragged into a Terezi-less world where all my friends are ten sweeps older as eternal damn8tion for... well, could 8e anything, right?  
VRISKA: Nice planet, 8y the way. Extremely cool of you to all to start 8om8ing the fuck out of each other 8ecause you can't agree on...  
HARRY: troll reproductive rights.  
VRISKA: Thank you. Wow, yeah! You guys really screwed this up 8ig time! And you know what the kicker is?  
VRISKA: This universe doesn't even have cancer! This is the 8est possi8le outcome you guys could have managed! Hahahahahahahaha!

She rolls her eyes, and gives you a gentle hug, grinning like a fucking lunatic all the while. You've seen her smile like this only once before: when she met her dancestor just yesterday. Yesterday from a sane chronological perspective, that is, not this "ten sweeps later" shit.

ROSE: It's good to see you too, Vriska.  
VRISKA: W8.  
VRISKA: What?  
VRISKA: No, you h8 me! Remem8er?

Her smile is insulting enough on its own, but what's more is that it's genuine. She lets go of you and stands back up.

ROSE: Don't be ridiculous! It's been twenty-three years since I last saw you. What could you possibly have done to warrant a grudge that longevous?  
ROSE: It's a bitter pill to swallow, but the truth is I simply stopped giving a shit about how annoying you tend to be almost half my life ago.  
VRISKA: ...

Are you sulking in silence, and letting your wordless enmity speak for itself, or are you just racking your think pan for a reason to hate you? Fuck if you know, and octuple fuck if you'd let Rose know even if you did.

VRISKA: Hmph. So what’s 8een sh8king since I left?  
ROSE: That’s a big question, you know. I hope you understand the magnitude of what you’re asking.  
VRISKA: Yeah, I know, I know! 8ut I’m gonna have to figure it all out at some point, so why not start now?  
ROSE: Alright, I suppose that’s fair.  
ROSE: First off, and either most crucially or most insignificantly of all, Gamzee’s back. Now I kn-  
VRISKA: Wow, no. Not anymore.  
ROSE: What?  
VRISKA II: Gamzee died, mom.  
VRISKA: You’re welcome.  
ROSE: You... you...?  
VRISKA: Yeah. Of course I did!  
VRISKA: Like I said, you’re welcome.  
ROSE: Well, this is certainly a shocking development.  
HARRY: (wait what happened)  
VRISKA II: (vriska killed your uncle gam, dude.)  
HARRY: (oh fuck nice)  
ROSE: But I can say with some degree of confidence that I doubt he’ll be missed. And if he did earn the authentic getup of a God Tier, instead of his unsightly-yet-laughable ersatz robes, I’m completely certain that his demise would be the single most just in all of Paradox Space.  
ROSE: So, on behalf of every sapient and sentient organism that ever existed, exists right now, or may come to be in any one of a multitude of potential futures, thank you for that.  
ROSE: Aside from... him, I finally wedded Kanaya, and we adopted and raised your descendant. John and Roxy tied the knot as well - although their wedlock has since been overturned - and they bore Harry through a freakish, bizarre, and upsettingly beautiful feat of the human body you should get someone to explain to you at a later date.  
HARRY: (you know, i really could have gone my whole life without anyone saying that about me.)  
ROSE: Jane and Jake also...  
ROSE: Actually, never mind that. It’s not important.  
ROSE: Jane’s currently prime oligarch for this entire planet despite her “theoretical” lack of political power as an independent business owner, because she has one hand in the pockets of all three branches of government,and the other curled into an iron fist. For everything it’s worth, she may as well have accepted her role as a God and inflicted the cataclysm her wrath would effect unto her subjects.  
ROSE: It makes little difference that the arm that delivers the blow is guided by insatiable avarice and unwavering prejudice rather than divine fury, and that her means of conquest are as good as mortal. What’s important is that she’s an absolute bastard now, and none of us talk to her anymore.  
ROSE: Karkat assumed the role of leader of the rebellion against her, standing by the side of his matesprit, Meenah, who is in possession of what is... apparently one of two rings of life? Even though such a thing should be impossible. I don’t really care. I gave up on caring about the trans-physical, hyper-physical, quasi-physical, and metaphysical implications of cherub lore a long time ago.  
ROSE: Jade married Dave, and the two of them have been working in Karkat’s resistance ever since. I’ve heard neither hide nor hair of them in the past week, though, and my concern is beginning to reign over me like tempestuous strings in the hands of a fickle puppeteer.  
ROSE: Calliope is off doing her own thing which I’m somehow certain is of overwhelming cosmic significance, and Aradia and Sollux are... around, somewhere. Last I saw, they were with a corpse of a past Jade, housing a powerful revenant from Lord English’s ascension and defeat.  
ROSE: Unless I’m mistaken, that’s everyone accounted for.  
VRISKA: Huh. Sounds more or less par for the course for the kind of shit that happens when I leave you guys alone for ten minutes.  
VRISKA: W8. What a8out Strider’s neurotic narcissist of a dancestor? I sorta liked that guy.  
VRISKA: 8y which I mean, the intel I gathered unmasked a sprawling tapestry of weaknesses and insecurities I was actually kind of looking forward to whipping into sh8pe.  
ROSE: Right.  
ROSE: Of course.  
ROSE: Dirk...  
ROSE: Dirk isn’t with us anymore.  
VRISKA: Oh, damn. Did Lord Jack kill him?  
ROSE: No, it’s not...  
ROSE: He did.  
VRISKA: Oh.  
VRISKA: Wow.  
VRISKA: I’m sorry to hear that.  
VRISKA: O8viously, growing up where I did, death never really seemed like a 8ig deal.  
VRISKA: 8ut I know it’s very different for humans.  
ROSE: Well, it was a long time ago.  
ROSE: But thank you. The gesture doesn’t go unappreciated.  
VRISKA II: I never met grandpa.  
VRISKA II: 8ut he knew my moms were trying for a kid, so he left me a Ton of his stuff.  
VRISKA II: Seemed like a pretty eclectic guy, honestly. And I can see where Mom gets her... yeah, you know.  
ROSE: You see what I’ve had to put up with for sixteen years, Serket? I’ve raised my daughter to administer sicker burns than I could ever have dreamed of. It’s terrible.

A pang of agony shoots through your head before you can say anything. You growl and clutch it with one hand, but it brings you no relief.

VRISKA II: She just woke up, like, ten minutes ago. She's still a little fried from the anaesthetic, I think.  
VRISKA: Fuck, am I?  
VRISKA: Well, I guess that makes sense. Crash-landing into the ground isn't gonna do me any favors upstairs either.  
VRISKA: God, it feels-

You wince.

VRISKA: Kind of painful to think too hard. I'm relieved I didn't, like, chip a-  
VRISKA: W8. My horns. They're intact, right????????  
VRISKA II: Miraculously, yeah.

You sigh. God, that's a relief. Rose jumps slightly, like she just saw something out of the corner of her eye. Or more like something just occurred to her. Maybe the two feelings are the same to a Seer, you wonder.

ROSE: Excuse me, but would you two mind stepping outside for a moment? I'd like to talk to the bedridden Vriska for a second.  
HARRY: ...sure...? is everything ok?  
ROSE: Yes, I'm sure it-  
ROSE: Well, it should be fine, at least. Actually, would you mind flagging down a doctor? It's not an emergency, but it's an unavoidable discussion, and one we need to have soon.

The two non-Sgrub-players (wow, what a mouthful! You know what's a lot less awkward and stilted to say? Mortals. The two mortals) shuffle out of the room, leaving you alone with Rose. The air falls silent as the two of you get as close as you can to staring without actually daring to make eye contact. It's Rose who speaks first, but not before a deep breath. Clearly, this isn't easy for her to say.

ROSE: How do you feel?

Really? That's it?

VRISKA: Fine, I guess.  
ROSE: Fine enough to sign a few forms?  
VRISKA: What... kind... of forms?

You can't see any reason to dread where she's going with this, but you do anyway. There's already a ton of problems you're trying to figure out in your head, and your headache is making them enough of an ordeal as is. The fire isn't burning bright enough to fit any more irons in there. Note to self, Vriska: get more metaphors.

ROSE: I'm really not sure. Probably some medical, but mostly legal. You know, since you're...  
ROSE: Well, you never came back. I'm sure you can't blame us for assuming the worst.  
VRISKA: "The worst"???????? What the fuck could 8e worse than my current situ8tion?  
ROSE: This could: you're legally dead. As you can imagine, reversing that is going to be Herculean in difficulty, largely because your death certificate is the only legal document you have. And you're a minor, which is going to prove to be insult to injury.  
VRISKA: What? 8ullshit. Why should I have to deal with any of this? I'm a literal fucking goddess!  
ROSE: That may be true, but you're a teenager nonetheless. A teenager with no living relatives-  
VRISKA: (thank fuck.)  
ROSE: -at that.  
ROSE: Sorry, did you say something?  
VRIS-

You open your mouth to deny it, but a doctor half-leans into the room and knocks on the open door to grab your attention.  
He's a troll in his early-mid teens, which you estimate must be late 20's-early 30's in Earth years. You should probably use those now, since you are on Earth. His hair is tied back and his face is cleanshaven and bespectacled, and when you look at him it finally hits you:  
You won. You and all your friends beat the game, and here's a normal, healthy adult member of your own species, who just, like, has his own life or whatever. He's wearing a nametag, but you can't read it without your glasses, and you can hardly bear to look at him long enough to figure out what it says.  
Come to think of it, you feel your heart accelerate, and you pant silently, mouth ajar. What's wrong with this guy? Nothing, as far as you know, but you're uncomfortable in his presence as he draws near.  
No, it's not quite that, you realize. You're scared of this guy. You tense your body, pull your sheets up over your shoulders, and turn away.

Dr. ??????: Hey. Slow day, huh?

He chuckles casually at the statement which clearly was not a joke, as some people are wont to do when trying to appear friendly, and Rose returns the gesture. You don't. You don't say anything. All the charm in the world wouldn’t make this guy seem any friendlier.

Dr. ??????: Ms, uh... Serket?  
VRISKA: Yeah?

You mumble. Hopefully he hears anyway.

ROSE: Vriska...

Rose glances at you and almost imperceptibly nods toward the doctor. You swing your fingertips side to side in front of your neck and grimace. You are NOT looking at him a second longer than absolutely necessary. She hesitates for an instant, but drops it. She can tell you're not going to budge.

ROSE: ...doesn't... enjoy being confined to a hospital bed, and I was wondering when you'd consider her ready to be let out. Given her... well, past experiences, shall we say, I wouldn't be surprised if being forced to stay in one building for longer than necessary brought her immense discomfort.

She glances at you again. You nod in confirmation. Out of the corner of your eye you see him approach the end of your bed, and you impulsively curl up a little. Why the fuck are you acting like this? What is wrong with you?

Dr. ??????: It says here she should be fine to go... tonight, actually.  
Dr. ??????: I'm assuming you must be her mother?  
ROSE: Well, no.  
Dr. ??????: Oh, my apologies. You can understand the confusion. But you are her legal guardian, right?  
ROSE: I think it would be better to say I'm a friend of the family. Her guardian can't be here right now, because the same accident which, well,

She gestures to you.

ROSE: Has resulted in a heavy onslaught of complex and bizarre personal problems that demand to be tended to immediately. Surely you must have some familiarity with how it is with accidents, as a medical professional?  
Dr. ??????: Oh, of course. I understand completely. Will they be available to pick her up tonight?  
ROSE: I should hope so.  
Dr. ??????: Alright! Is that everything?  
ROSE: Yes, I believe that's the case. Thank you for your time.

He gives a curt nod to her, half nods uneasily at you, and leaves. You sit forward and let the bedsheet drop back into your lap. You clutch your stomach and sigh, and you take deep breaths until your heart rate works its way back down from a solid drum and bass groove. Rose kneels beside you and runs a hand through your hair. It feels deeply comforting, in all the weirdest ways.

ROSE: What just happened?  
VRISKA: N8thing.  
ROSE: I can tell when you're upset, Vriska. You show all the same signs as my daughter.  
VRISKA: I S8ID I'M F8NE!!!!!!!!

You jab your elbow into her ribs, but not firmly enough to hurt her. Just enough to shock her. She lets go of you.

VRISKA: Why do you care so much a8out me all of a sudden?

God, the last 20 minutes or so have been an emotional rollercoaster. Why asking that question was the last crack in the dam, you're not sure. It defies explanation, but there's no doubt you can feel tears run down your cheeks now.  
You helpless little fucking runt.

ROSE: Oh, Vriska...  
ROSE: I've always cared about you. It just took me a long, long time to learn how to properly express my sympathies.  
ROSE: Much longer than you ever ended up sticking around for, at any rate.

She wipes the tears from your eye. You don't look up at her.

ROSE: I promise you can tell me anything.  
ROSE: Not as a fellow hero, not even as another god. Just as an old friend, alright?  
VRISKA: ...  
ROSE: ...  
VRISKA: That doctor.  
ROSE: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
ROSE: What about him?  
VRISKA: I...  
VRISKA: No, it's stupid. Just forget it.  
ROSE: Are you sure?  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Is that how your Earth medical doctors normally dress?  
ROSE: Are you referring to his white suit? Yes, as far as I know. Is that upsetting for you?  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: No, I'm just 8eing a 8ig fucking 8a8y.  
VRISKA: Like I said, I'm fine.

She sighs and nods. You think you've calmed down enough to actually look at her now.

VRISKA: So who's the lucky 8itch you roped into masquer8ding as my guardian?  
ROSE: I'm honestly not sure. I'll have to make a few calls first, since we really had no protocol for you coming back.  
ROSE: Everything you heard me say just now was more or less improvised.  
VRISKA: W8, really? What the fuck?  
VRISKA: Did you all just accept that I was as good as dead the moment you got here????????  
ROSE: Well, in more recent years, yes, but in the early days of Earth C, we expected you'd handle it.  
ROSE: After all, slaying a theoretically indestructible time god, surviving the implosive demise of the Furthest Ring, and then forcing what remains of that fractured reality to spit you out on our metaphorical - and perhaps even literal - doorstep seems exactly like it could be the goal of one of your brilliant, dangerous, and invariably extremely unethical plans.  
VRISKA: That's not what you called them last time.  
ROSE: Alright. It's true that "one of your fucked up, borderline masturbatory suicide missions" better conveys what I'm trying to say, but surely you can understand my reluctance to say that now that I'm two decades your elder.

You manage a grin, fangs bared. It must look hollow and fake through your tears, but you feel a little better because of it. You have no idea what could have happened in the last... however exactly long it's been that would prompt Rose fucking Lalonde to be so nice to you after such a disgusting display of weakness, but you're not complaining.  
You're exhausted, though. Really burned yourself out getting all worked up over basically nothing.

VRISKA: So, like, a8out that p8perwork.  
ROSE: It can wait. Ideally, you should get it done as soon as possible, but it's more important that you rest.  
ROSE: I'll find someone to come by tonight and pick you up. Call me tomorrow and we can work through everything. Hatching certificates, photo cards, medical insurance, that kind of thing.  
ROSE: Like I said, it’s not going to be easy. We’re going to have to construct an entirely new life for you, as soon as we can.  
VRISKA: You’re asking me to... to what, just, like...  
VRISKA: Sign away on everything I’ve worked towards or something? Make up a whole new Vriska?  
ROSE: More or less.  
ROSE: You're the same age we were when we all beat the game, and we've all changed a lot in that time. I - and I imagine the others will agree with me on this - want to make use of everything the sobering reality of adulthood has taught me to give you a chance at a normal, healthy upbringing that none of us had.  
ROSE: That you yourself never had. Please, I'm trying my hardest to look out for you here.  
VRISKA: Oh, fuck off! You don't know anything! I've worked my ass off to 8ecome the goddess I am today! You can't just t8ke that all away from me and say it's for "my own good" or whatever.  
ROSE: I completely understand your obduracy. I do! After all, you spent a lot of time climbing the God Tiers, and training yourself for a climactic final battle, but what were you expecting to happen afterward?  
VRISKA: Afterward...?  
VRISKA: I guess I never thought a8out it.  
ROSE: Is it so far fetched that something resembling normality in your life might actually benefit you?  
ROSE: Food for thought.  
VRISKA: Hm.  
ROSE: Hm?  
VRISKA: Hmmmmmmmm!  
VRISKA: May8e you're right. May8e a normal life would 8e good for me, even if I have to live it without...  
VRISKA: Okay, fine. I'll think a8out it. Alright?  
ROSE: Take your time.  
ROSE: Better yet, as I said, get some rest. We can talk about it tomorrow.  
VRISKA: Sure.  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Thanks.

She helps you get back under the sheet, offers a small salute goodbye with two fingers to her temple, and then lifted slightly off her temple, and leaves. You hear her very distantly call her daughter and brothernephew to offer their farewells, but if they do, you can't tell. Within the next minute alone, you fall fast asleep.

⁂

When you wake up for the third time that day, everything about the building feels different. The adjacent rooms are almost dead quiet, and fatigued nurses in the halls are crossing paths with their bright-eyed counterparts. The arrival of the night shift has begun.  
You wish you knew when... whoever it was Rose sent is supposed to come pick you up. You also wish there was a clock somewhere in the room. Instead, you’re just left to wait, with no reference on how much time might be passing.  
Your mouth feels dry. You haven’t had a drop of water in what must be coming up on a whole two days now. Thankfully, though, you don’t need the bathroom. You don’t think you could bring yourself to leave the room on your own. Not out there, with all the... yeah. You opt to not so much as entertain the notion.  
Whatever it was that they’d hooked up to your arm earlier is gone now, and that’s probably why you feel kind of refreshed. Well, ain’t that just one big apt metaphor for your whole life! Everything feels so much better when people stop trying to help you, and understand that you know what you’re doing!  
The side of your head is unfettered by bandages, and you run your hand across it. Oh, for fuck’s sake! You’d spent SWEEPS growing your hair out that long, and they just shaved all of it while you were asleep? You can also feel the scar your namesake mentioned before. Oh good lord that’s big. You’re going to need to regrow your fringe if you want any chance of being able to cover that back up. You open your other seven eyes for the first time all day. Wow, that feels a lot better. Everything seems so much clearer. Wait, actually...  
You glance around the room. Where the fuck are- There, on your bedside table! Your glasses! They’ve seen better days, though: the right nose pad’s chipped, the left lens is cracked a little, and the hinges have come off axis which renders them annoyingly lopsided when you try to put them on. It’s not like they’re unusable or anything, but goddamn. Yeah, what were you thinking, trying to go back to fight Lord English? Fighting him with broken glasses sounds like something only a total idiot would do.  
You stand up, pulling the sheets off yourself and rising to your feet. You’ve still got your jeans and socks on, but the bandages around your chest have been removed, and you cover yourself up as quickly as you can by conjuring your orange hoodie. You hope they’ll give you your shirt back or something, but that thing got stabbed right through the middle, and your blood isn’t just going to wash out. Guess you’ve gotta live with this until you can get a new one, but it feels remarkably patronizing. Like Skaia gave you a special little gift for being oh so good at video games when you were a dumb kid.

JADE: hey vriska

You turn around, caught off guard by the unannounced entry of none other than Jade Harley. Okay, maybe that was her announcement. Whatever. Semantics!  
She looks surprisingly sombre, and fatigued, too, to the point where it’s almost as if she’s too drained to cry. Her arms are crossed, and her ears are low. Her gaze is absolutely piercing, and you feel like even the slightest glance from her could bore into your very being. Naturally, you're on edge in an instant. Then again, you never really trusted First Guardians.

VRISKA: Rose sent you to pick me up, huh?  
JADE: yeah  
JADE: i brought a shirt for you too by the way

She lifts it up to show you. It’s white, with long, red sleeves and the pixelated image of a cracked vinyl record on the front.

VRISKA: This is one of Dave’s. Is he okay with me, like, wearing it and shit? I’m gonna sweat into it over time.  
JADE: i.....  
JADE: dont think youre going to be hearing any complaints from him :(  
JADE: in fact you can keep it :( :( :(  
VRISKA: O... kay? If you say so.

You take it from her, and hold its sleeves against your arms. Looks like an almost perfect fit, actually. You put it on over the top of your thief’s hoodie, and then let the orange fashion crime dissipate. Mind you, this shirt would look even worse than the hoodie if not for its scarlet-red sleeves.

VRISKA: How do I look?

You do a full 360 degree turn. The ghost of a semi-sincere smile crosses the corner of her mouth and her eyes shimmer with the rapturous joy of a faded memory from another place, another time.

JADE: you look great!  
JADE: but we should probably get going already  
JADE: a doctor was supposed to escort us out but rose gave them specific instructions not to for some reason?  
JADE: rose can be so hard to understand sometimes!  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Yeah, she sure can, huh...?

Thankfully, Jade doesn’t ask any tricky questions. She seems mentally occupied by something else, much like you are, and there feels like an unspoken agreement not to pry lingers in the air. Not that you particularly care to, anyway. Since when has Jade ever had anything important to say?  
With a single gesture, she lifts your shoes up from the side of the bed (Oh wow. You didn’t even see them there.) using her sprite powers and passes them to you. You gladly take them and put them on as quickly as you can. You’re kind of digging this red motif your wardrobe has right now? You wish Terezi could see it. She would absolutely adore it.

JADE: cmon vriska  
JADE: lets go

She guides you out of the room and down the corridor, towards the elevator. You don’t even notice you’ve been holding her hand until you squeeze it when a doctor walks past. You really need to hold her hand? You need her to guide you along like a fucking wiggler? Ha, you’re so pathetic it’s almost funny! But really, it’s just fucking sad.  
You huff and take the lead, letting go of her and marching forward to the elevator. You press the “down” button and wait for Jade to catch up. The elevator itself is thankfully empty, and your descent is totally uneventful. Neither of you say a word on the way down, nor do you say anything as she guides you out of the building onto the street.  
She points to a taxi and power walks over to it. She leans into the front window and says something to the driver. You can’t make it out. The whole world is just one big buzz to you right now. When she finishes talking, she opens the back door and gestures for you to get in. You comply without a word. She follows suit, and the two of you sit shoulder to shoulder as the cab pulls away from the curb and into the night.  
Thankfully, the driver isn’t talkative.  
Within about twenty minutes (by your lethargically skewed estimate), the cab arrives at a small, modern-looking hive. Jade climbs out of the door without saying a word and helps pull you out too - not that you needed her help! You’re fine on your own and you wished she would respect that. - and the two of you step into the house.  
It’s in a weird state, with some rooms having their floors littered with unwashed clothing and empty boxes of food, and others being absolutely pristine. Jade looks around with what you could easily mistake for the same degree as unfamiliarity as you do, but at last she speaks up.

JADE: theres a bedroom just up the stairs where me and-  
JADE: where i usually sleep  
JADE: you can have it though i always secretly liked the couch better

You mumble some kind of thanks and stagger up the stairs in some fatigued stupor. It’s a very plain-looking room, with a half-made double bed and a wardrobe, and not a whole lot else. In a single lifeless motion, you slump onto the bed and pass out almost instantly. For only a brief second, though, you’re in that quiet mezzanine between asleep and awake, and you’re not sure if you dream it, or if you actually hear Jade talking to her couch.

JADE: just like old times huh

You hope not.


	2. Night 1: ARIDISOL

A young man - so young, in fact, that it may be better to call him a mere boy - sits in his respiteblock. His evening, as of waking up only about an hour ago, has been uneventful thus far: dry off after sleeping in in his recuperacoon, get dressed in his black t-shirt and jeans, eat a small (but not unusually small) breakfast of really anything he can find in the thermal hull, and fuck around on Trollian with his neighbor/only friend. His life, as one might imagine, has also been uneventful thus far.

This boy, as fate would have it, is you. You're positively filled to the brim with you-ness, whatever that means.

AG: Hey, Zahhak. You up there?  
CT: D --> I am always up here  
CT: D --> And you are as aware of this as I am  
CT: D --> You only ask if I am present if you need something from me  
CT: D --> Do not treat me like I am completely c100less  
AG: Oh, right! Sorry.  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I reject and forbid your apology as unbecoming of a b100 b100d such as yourself  
CT: D --> In fact  
CT: D --> I demand you take it back  
AG: ...Okay?  
AG: You know, you're kind of a weird guy sometimes.  
CT: D --> Yeeeessss  
AG: I mean, no offense.  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> You were making such good progress  
AG: I don't think you have to, like, 8er8te me for 8eing nice to you.  
AG: It's hard enough distinguishing 8etween when you're playing the whole "high8loods are free to do whatever they want and shouldn't apologize to anyone" shit str8 and when you're doing your whole weird prudent 8utler routine.  
CT: D --> First off  
CT: D --> And I really cannot stress this STRONGly enough  
CT: D --> I'm not a butler  
CT: D --> A butler refers to a head of staff among servants  
CT: D --> Since I work alone, I am merely a valet  
CT: D --> Second  
CT: D --> It is not a routine  
CT: D --> It is simply self e%pression  
AG: That's your idea of self expression?  
CT: D --> E%actly  
AG: Well, who am I to judge? You do you, my guy.  
CT: D --> You are taking up precious time that I could be spending doing many things more important than wherever your undeserved judgement of me 100% as if it might lead us  
CT: D --> You wanted something from me  
AG: I never said that!  
CT: D --> Fine then  
CT: D --> So you would not mind if I ended this conversation this e%act instant  
CT: D --> Farewell Master Serket  
AG: W8w8w8w8w8w8w8w8!  
AG: I just wanted to say, could you please stop punching ro8ots and stuff down into my ravine? I always have to clean that shit up 8efore my lusus gets 8ack for the night.  
CT: D --> Hm  
AG: C'mon, dude. Pretty soon, she's gonna 8e too 8ig to move, and when she is she's gonna be waaaaaaaay stricter on me!  
CT: D --> Rescind your "please"  
AG: Seriously?  
CT: D --> I am always e%tremely serious  
AG: Okay, okay, sure! I t8ke it 8ack!  
CT: D --> Very well  
AG: So that's it?  
AG: You'll stop throwing your stuff down here?  
CT: D --> You have my word  
AG: Thank fuck, dude. You're the 8est.  
CT: D --> I know  
AG: If I'm honest, I'm glad that you'll stop implic8ing me into your weird ho88ies for once.  
CT: D --> Really  
CT: D --> Do they not break the monotony  
AG: What? What monotony?  
CT: D --> What would you be doing right now if I weren't here  
CT: D --> No neighbor to cling to every waking hour  
CT: D --> No piles of broken electroni% to clean up before your lusus returns to the hive  
AG: I dunno. Pro8a8ly playing chess against a 8unch of nerds online?  
CT: D --> And  
AG: And?  
CT: D --> Are you telling me that is all you would be doing  
CT: D --> You are, without a doubt, a very uninteresting young man  
AG: Well, what else is there to do?  
CT: D --> You are four sweeps old at this point  
CT: D --> You have spent almost half your time you will ever spend on Alternia doing nothing  
CT: D --> Not only is this an una%eptable rejection of nobility that is your right by b100d  
CT: D --> But it is also disappointing given your e%cellent display of skill in the brooding caverns  
AG: Okay, sure. I get it.  
AG: I'm chronically 8ored, though. Nothing really appeals to me?  
AG: Like, ever.  
AG: Well, no. It's more like, nothing feels like it's *for* me.  
AG: Hey, are you still there?  
AG: I can hear fists against metal up there.  
AG: That's a st8ment, 8y the way. Not passive aggression. Keep pummeling the shit out of those things!  
CT: D --> Naturally  
CT: D --> You are not a very passive aggressive person  
CT: D --> The fact that you say e%actly what you mean is why there's hope for you to a%ept your role as a b100 b100d yet  
CT: D --> But if you were to ask me  
CT: D --> That feelings of passion e100de your grasp is deeply disturbing  
AG: What, so... I'm not supposed to 8e feeling this way? I should 8e out somewhere, doing something? May8e even right now?  
CT: D --> Such is the natural state of those of our rank  
AG: Man, this is all just... too much to think a8out. I'm gonna go outside and get some fresh air.  
CT: D --> Very well  
CT: D --> Take a jacket  
AG: What, the one you gave me?  
CT: D --> Of course  
AG: Who gave it to you? Your moirail, right?  
AG: What's her 8lood color again?  
CT: D --> Olive  
CT: D --> Barely a%eptable but what she lacks in rank she more than makes up for in pale prowess  
AG: You got anything else? I don't want my lusus smelling olive on me. She'll suspect something.  
CT: D --> You shouldn't worry  
CT: D --> I washed it thoroughly when she gave it to me  
CT: D --> She was not the original owner either  
CT: D --> But her friend who gave it to her refuses to divulge his b100d color  
CT: D --> And she has a habit of associating with those far below her station  
AG: Yeah, yeah, and it "disgr8ces her lineage" or whatever.  
AG: It's okay dude, you don't need to justify casteism every time we have a convers8tion.  
AG: I know how you feel a8out it.  
AG: As well as how you feel a8out everything tangential to every question I've ever asked you.  
AG: Anyway, I'm a8out to head out.

Without waiting for his response, you push your chair back from your desk. You get your shoes - a pair of scarlet-red sneakers, which you have only recently figured out how to tie up all by yourself (you champ!) - and take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror.  
Look at you! Look at your well-kempt comb over, the sparkle in your segmented eye, your two little fangs growing in! You're becoming such a handsome young man! A man who never yields to any obstacle! A man who would surely be the pride of his ancestors and the empire alike!

  
...

  
Right?

  
...

  
Of course you will be. You have to. You take a deep breath and put on your confident face. You'll be the best one day. You just know it.  
You pull the gray jacket out of your closet and put it on, and you look at yourself in the mirror again. Better, for some reason, even if you'll take a couple sweeps to completely grow into it. You straighten it a little. It actually looks way cooler than you expected! You zip it up, and... no, that doesn't really work. You're a jacket unzipped kind of guy. All you really care about is that it covers your scrawny little arms. You wouldn’t even bother with it if you had a long-sleeved shirt, you think, but you don’t. All you have is the plain black one. Trolls are not a fashion-minded people, after all. You unzip the jacket, shoot double pistols and a wink at the mirror, and scurry downstairs.  
Your lusus still isn't back yet. Every night, now, She's out just a minute or two longer than the last. The bigger She grows, the slower She is, and the more She needs to eat. Eventually, lugging Her weight around is gonna take more energy than She'll get through eating, and She'll come to depend on you. No, you correct yourself, not eventually. Soon. You're gonna have to start getting your hands dirty in only a couple perigees, maybe even weeks. You leave your hive, and a chill runs up your spine. You know you're gonna have to actually kill people.

The night air is cool and you silently thank Equius for suggesting that you take a jacket (Your short hair isn’t doing you any favors in keeping warm. God, you hate short hair. But last time it went too long without a cut, your lusus remarked on a resemblance to your neighbor). The sky glows dimly with the green and pink hues of the moons, situated on opposite horizons and hanging over you like two opposing players of the universe's most boring game.  
Of course, the idea of some brilliant and terrible mastermind looming over you and orchestrating your whole life to achieve a single end of cosmic significance is absurd. But it's a nice thought.  
You consider thinking up some kind of poetic reflection on the nature of your corner of the world, but poetry isn't exactly your strong suit. You kind of just call things as you see them.

Oh, fuck it.

Light fills the night air like mist in a fog, thick enough to compliment the dark of night, but thin enough not to obscure it. The world stays perfectly still for the moment the last drops of sunlight trickle over the horizon, like a river in dry season. Silence hangs over the arid mesa, but it is not born of loneliness: rather, it is a quiet of anticipation, much like an audience casting their eyes to the conductor turning to the orchestra, or the last birdsong cut short by the arrival of the wind that promises the monsoon.

"Silence is the perfectest herald of joy:

I were but little happy, if I could say how much." - Troll Carlton Banks

Your name is CARIUS SERKET, and you feel as if much has been missing from your barely four-sweep-long life. It's a hurdle you stumbled over, and in a culture as ruthlessly competitive as yours, such failure is unforgivable. You remember that in the caverns, you were constantly praised and rewarded for your talents. Now you suspect your skills were received a little too well, because you've been assigned to what you imagine must be the single highest maintenance lusus on the planet and you can hardly keep up. There is another thing that you were assigned at birth which you will eventually come to hate to the same degree, but hell if you know what it is.  
Man! You just have a load of problems not even you understand! And it makes you so frustrated, but the frustration only builds without an outlet, until you're left too fatigued to deal with oh shit something just fell from the sky.

Something just fell from space towards a point on the horizon! Like, straight downwards, to the ground! By your estimate, it must be about an hour away on foot. Maybe two. Two hours there, two hours back, and your lusus punishing you for leaving the hive for so long without her permission. But it's going to be so worth it. Somehow you're completely certain of that. Quite despite yourself, you spare no thought for the world around you as you break into a sprint in the direction of the crash site. As far as you're concerned, there is nothing but forward.

⁂

By the time you reach it, the night sky is untouched entirely by the sun’s rays, bar those it reflects off the two moons. The fallen object landed in a forest you’ve never seen before, and when the glow of a small fire from the point of impact comes into view, you finally realize you don't actually know the way back home? Real nice work there Carius, you idiot!  
Oh well. No point dwelling on that now. You'll figure it out in just a moment.

The object appears to be a meteorite about as big as you are, and it's dug itself a crater about twice the size of your respiteblock. There's something resting atop the meteorite, and it looks man-made. But how could it have gotten there, you wonder? Cautiously, you take a step forward. You know you shouldn't be afraid of this - it's just a rock from space! - but you're pretty much scared of your own shadow. The world is a scary place, and as the sweeps pass you feel less and less welcome in it. So when a frightening looking young girl with a grin from ear to ear and a mop of hair about as big as the rest of her body calls out to you, you almost jump out of your skin.

ARADIA: hey

This is the part where you almost jump out of your skin.

ARADIA: 0h haha did i startle y0u  
ARADIA: s0rry thats my bad

You just sort of stare at her in vague bewilderment and confusion.  
And maybe also a crush? What the fuck do you know about crushes? You're four sweeps old.

ARADIA: y0ure the quiet type huh  
CARIUS: Oh! Uh!  
CARIUS: No, I'm just, you kn8w, a normal guy, who t8lks a normal amount,  
ARADIA: hahahaha y0ure amazing

God damn her laugh is cute. And also scary. But mostly cute. No, wait, mostly scary. Really scary, actually.

CARIUS: Look, I just c8me to check out whatever th8s thing is.  
ARADIA: me t00 actually  
ARADIA: i like t0 c0nsider myself a bit 0f an adventurer  
ARADIA: s0 when i saw s0mething mysteri0us falling fr0m the sky i knew i had t0 c0me see it f0r myself  
CARIUS: Hey, me too! What a coincidence!  
ARADIA: w0w are y0u an adventurer t00?  
CARIUS: No, I-  
CARIUS: I mean, yes. Yes, that's exactly what I am.

She extends her hand.

ARADIA: well its great t0 meet y0u  
ARADIA: my name is aradia megid0

You reel away.

CARIUS: Carius Serket.  
CARIUS: I would, 8ut if my lusus smells low8lood on me...  
ARADIA: 0h i see  
ARADIA: i supp0se she must be pretty 0pp0sed t0 the idea 0f y0u mingling with 0ther castes  
CARIUS: Yeah. She's kind of a huge traditionalist? Like she keeps talking a8out Alternia's "golden era" or whatever.  
CARIUS: I'll admit, I'm kind of a history 8uff just from having to listen to her go on a8out it all?

She laughs quietly. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Do you have a friend now????????

ARADIA: well if y0u ever feel particularly adventur0us  
ARADIA: i run a flarp guild that c0uld always d0 with m0re members  
CARIUS: What? No way. That game's for loners and weirdos!  
ARADIA: im well aware  
ARADIA: thats why i run it  
ARADIA: and als0 why i extend the invitati0n

You roll your eyes, and she snickers a little. You wave her off and decide it's time to finally check out this meteorite.

Sitting atop the meteorite is a small gray chest, smashed open by its landing to reveal a thick black tome. The idea of a book coming from space atop a falling meteor sounds insane enough as is, but it's not even the most surprising thing about it in your highblood-cultured, vaguely superstitious opinion. No, what truly astonishes you, what makes you gasp and pause and drop your jaw is the fact that both the lid of the chest and the front cover of the book are marked with your family crest.

ARADIA: what is it!

Lost for words, you lift the tome, and good gracious is it heavy! Your shoulders and back hurt from the stress of lifting it, but you force yourself to pick it up and show it to her, and when you have a proper grip on it, it feels so *natural*, like you're *supposed* to be holding it. She goes wide-eyed for a moment, and then she grins again - even wider this time! And you're grinning too! Holy fuck, this is so weird and so cool, you can't help but shake with excitement. Excitement, and the stress of holding this thing for too long. Damn thing could kill a meowbeast! You drop it, but Aradia catches it in her rustblooded telekinesis and holds it aloft with all the weight of a feather in the breeze.

CARIUS: This might sound crazy, 8ut suddenly I feel like I was meant to 8e here, in this exact place and time.  
CARIUS: Like I was destined to find this 8ook, whatever it might prove itself to 8e.  
CARIUS: And may8e, just may8e...

You turn to look at Aradia. The wind offers a graceful, solitary gesture from behind you, and your jacket flutters in the zephyr. The small flurry kicks up the embers of the dying flames dancing beneath the meteorite's circumference, and for a moment, only the reflection of their bright orange glow is visible upon the lenses of your glasses.

CARIUS: I was meant to meet you.

You grab the book again and wrest it from the inertia of its position a couple feet off the ground. You hold it in a comfortable grasp that doesn't strain your back, and walk out of the crater with all the comfort you'd have unladen.

ARADIA: s0  
ARADIA: d0es that mean y0ull take me up 0n my 0ffer  
CARIUS: The flarp thing?  
ARADIA: yeah!  
CARIUS: I'll think a8out it.

She beams again. What's her deal? Always beaming and grinning and smiling. Not that there's anything wrong with that, though. It's kind of cool, actually, that she's such an unrelenting positive force.

CARIUS: Hey, 8efore I go...  
CARIUS: Add me on Trollian. Username's arachnidsGrip.  
ARADIA: sure thing  
ARADIA: check your friend requests later t0night

The two of you offer one another a nod farewell and go your separate ways.

⁂

It's a two and a half hour trek back home, but thankfully you make it back to the hive before She does. Thank fucking god. You probably would have broken down if you had to deal with one of Her sickly-sweet lectures about why you shouldn't wander off, not to mention the accompanying disciplinary action of Her choice. She may be harsh, but She's only trying to prepare you for the real world. You’re glad She looks after you so well.

That... that *is* what She’s doing, right?

Of course it is! That’s just Her role as a lusus! And She’s fulfilling it, just as you have your own role to fulfill in repaying Her! That’s just the way things are, and they way they always have been, and it’s norm8l, and 8verything is fine f8ne fine fine f8ne F8NE FINE F8NE!  
Urgh. Whatever. You can’t *wait* for Her to get home, read your mind, and start scolding you about having thoughts like this! Better just take your mind off things by going upstairs and reading this lead goddamn weight you’ve been lugging around for... coming up on three hours now.  
You climb to your respiteblock, lay the titanic volume on your desk, kick your shoes off, and crack this damn thing open.

Dearest student,

If you are reading this, it means the impossi8le has happened, and this journal has survived eons of war and storm and flood and made its way into the hands of a 8right young adventurer, who may, with enough attention to every word I have 8ound within this text, surpass even myself and 8ecome the gr8est pir8 queen to stand upon this wretched planet. Despite you reading this only theoretically 8eing a possi8ility at the time of writing, the fact that you are reading this means all my work paid off. And despite the fact that I perished long ago from your perspective, I can say with a8solute conviction that I could 8e prouder of neither you nor myself.

To have acquired this text, even with the guidance of its magnetic allure, is a gr8 demonstr8tion of sheer resolve: after my m8sprit and I re8elled against the empire, your planet has no dou8t 8ecome far stricter as the empress tightened her vice, and wherever this 8ook ended up, and however it ended up there, it must 8e far out of reach to the simple-minded and the o8edient. My magic cue 8all has told me as much.

May8e your venture in retrieving it was a small, spur-of-the-moment thing. May8e it was a daring voyage to a part of the world hitherto undiscovered. 8ut the fact remains: one way or another, you 8roke some kind of rule in o8taining my journal, and the transgression cannot 8e undone. Now, you’ve t8ken your first step in turning the world around you into your enemy. 8ut in case it wasn’t clear - and if you remem8er only one thing from this compendium of my life’s work (although I desper8tely hope this is not the case), let it 8e this - the universe is only out to hurt you 8ecause you’re strong enough to fight 8ack.

This is your first, and most important lesson.

-Marquise Spinneret Mindfang

Postscript

8ut if Serket 8lood courses through your veins (and given the quantity of genetic slurries I've contri8uted to, that's a8normally pro8a8le), keep this tome 8y your side at all times. In unearthing it, you have either armed yourself with the gr8est arsenal of ancient wisdom that will ever fall into your clutches, or you've spelled your own tragic downfall. Either way, I can't help 8ut recommend my own teachings. This 8ook is on your side, even if nothing else is.

While this text primarily serves as a chronicle of my saga, several indexes are included within the confines of these two 8lack covers for your (Yes! You specifically, young Serket) convenience and/or survival:

The Serket legacy: page 83

The known limit8tions of co8alt-8looded psychic prowess: page 105

The allies of the Serkets: page 357

The enemies of the Serkets: page 422

Prophecy of the Thief of Light: page 478

Specul8ting on and interpreting the Prophecy: page 479

Diners, taverns, and restaurants where I would have t8ken you had we not hatched centuries apart: page 612

Precise colors and measurements of the Armor de la Marquise: page 685

Charming seamstresses and smiths enough to m8ke overem8ellished and highly revealing armor: page 688

Charming seamstresses and smiths enough to m8ke overem8ellished and highly revealing armor without resorting to mind control: page 689

The Serket lineage: page 836

Hold on. You need a hot second. You close the book after just one page and pace back and forth and shake your wrists. You're brimming with excited energy right now. You can't remember ever smiling this much before.  
You hear the signature rumble of Her return to the nest, down far below. Your smile fades. You can always count on Her to ruin a perfect moment. She calls your name, and asks you (although She's not giving you a choice) to come down and see Her. Alright, Carius. Mental shields up!  
You jog down the stairs. It would be obvious to anyone looking on that you’re not at all enthusiastic about this, and you’re trying to make that blatantly clear. You’re not a very passive-aggressive person, of course, but it’s the only show of resistance She will allow. On your way down, you spare a glance out the window.  
Was the mesa always this... dead-looking? There’s really nothing out there but sand and rock. Not even the bones of a dead lusus, half-sunken into the ground like a damn cartoon. There’s absolutely nothing at all out there. Even the slightest abnormalities in the geological formation are wiped away by the wind in the end. There’s no water, no beasts, no plants... nothing. But... you don’t care, do you? Of course not! Why would you?  
The remainder of your descent leaves you alone with your thoughts, and you’re glad it’s as long as it is. Telepathically protecting yourself makes thinking clearly pretty much impossible. Especially thoughts that make you feel as flustered as...

Someone was nice to you tonight? And, like, she didn’t even expect anything in return. What the fuck? People can just... be like that? You thought that was only in movies and stuff! You really hope you have the chance to talk to her again.

SPIDERMOM: Carius.

Oh, fuck. You’re here already. How long had you just been staring into space?

CARIUS: Hey. How was the hunt?  
SPIDERMOM: More arduous than the last. I fear I haven’t much time left.  
SPIDERMOM: And how has your night been?

You can feel Her try to pry at your mind. It’s as if something small and fuzzy is crawling up your neck. You hold perfectly still and stand your ground.

CARIUS: Oh, you know. Alright, I guess.  
SPIDERMOM: Keeping your thoughts from me, I see?  
CARIUS: Wellllllll, I’m growing older now, and I’ve gotta learn to keep my mind to myself, right? I mean, I’m not gonna 8e your child forever.  
SPIDERMOM: ...I suppose that’s true.  
CARIUS: 8esides, when I’m out on the hunt for your...  
SPIDERMOM: Prey.  
CARIUS: Sure. I’m not gonna have you to guide me.  
SPIDERMOM: ...  
SPIDERMOM: Very well. I’ll allow your independence in this regard.

You sigh with relief.

CARIUS: Thanks. I’m glad you’re always...  
SPIDERMOM: Always?  
CARIUS: Doing what’s 8est for me, I guess?

She laughs and reaches out an enormous palp. It takes every bit of willpower you have to not recoil as She scratches you behind the ear.

SPIDERMOM: Keep telling yourself that.

Yikes.

SPIDERMOM: Well?  
CARIUS: ...Well, what?  
SPIDERMOM: What are you still standing around here for? If I wanted anything beyond a brief hello from you, I would have told you.  
CARIUS: Oh, right!

You nod in acknowledgement and walk backwards out of Her nest. Once you’re through the door, you turn and run up the stairs. Wow. Fucking wow! Why do you hate Her so much? What’s wrong with you? She’s just your lusus! And She’s brilliant, and quiet-natured, and She’d never hurt you (without a good reason)! So what if She asks tricky questions, and focuses way too much attention on you! So what if She, *one fucking person, or maybe not even that*, gives you stage fright? Why do you...  
Is it... normal to have feelings this complicated about your lusus? Hell if you know. You don’t get it, what the hell is with your relationship?  
If only you had friends you could turn to who might OH SHIT OH FUCK YOU DO  
The instant you get back to your computer, you check Trollian.  
One pending friend request, from apocalypseArisen. That's her, right? It's gotta be! You got accept faster than anyone else in history and immediately start typing up a message.

AG: Hey, Aradia!  
AA: hi  
AA: i see y0u made it back t0 y0ur hive just fine  
AG: Yeah! It took, like, foreeeeeeeever! 8ut I'm 8ack now, and I think...

You look over at the journal. It feels like it belongs in your possession, somehow.

AG: I think I'll take you up on your offer.  
AG: The one a8out your guild, I mean.  
AA: im glad t0 hear it!  
AA: let me invite y0u t0 the group mem0 right n0w

Oh wow. More people. You...

You're happy about that, you guess? But you so desperately hope they're not going to be, like, intense. Aradia is hard enough to handle on her own. You really don't think you could function in a bigger group with more people like her.

apocalypseArisen [AA] added arachnidsGrip [AG] to the memo.

RR: Oh||shit  
RR: Is||this||that||new||guy  
AA: this is him yes  
WC: you ne ver said he was a ce ru le an blood  
LO: yeaeah not goNNa lieie  
LO: feeeelin preTTy misled abouout this whole thing  
AA: 0h hell be fine  
AA: y0u all kn0w i w0uldnt invite s0me0ne int0 team charge unless they gave me n0thing but g00d feelings  
AA: besides weve played with s0me l0vely blue bl00ds bef0re  
AA: in fact if i didnt kn0w any better  
AA: i w0uld say y0ure all a little bit upset at the p0ssibility 0f having an0ther b0y 0n b0ard!  
WC: :O  
RR: #:O !  
LO: oh pleaease  
LO: as if ouour first boy joioining the teaeam was a smashing suCCeSS  
RR: Ok||that||was||really||mean  
AT: sHE’S RIGHT THOUGH,,, kIND OF,,,,,  
AT: i’M MAYBE THE WEAKEST LINK IN THE TEAM,,,  
WC: may be?  
AT: oK,,,,, dEFINITELY,,,

Yeah, you're not getting involved with this. You might as well read some of the journal, though. This thing is gonna take a sweep to burn through, at least!

Prologue

As an avid scholar of history (and eventually the paramount ar8iter of it) I consider it only fitting that I pref8ce my tale with that of the world prior to my hatching. After all, with any luck, this tome should 8e discovered in a time ultim8tely more enlightened than the era in which I wrote it. The realist in me, however, very much dou8ts this is the case.

You look out the window again, down at the dry, still earth of the mesa your hive rests upon. Then you look back at the journal. Dammit, why are you so easily distracted? Whatever, it’s not like you can’t multitask.

Eons ago, 8eyond the lives of even the most ancient living violet8lood, a young fuchsia woman was destined to be empress of Alternia, and of every star conquered in her name. Her ascension to this role would have 8een trivial to her - after all, at only nine sweeps her skill in com8at far exceeded that of her predecessor - 8ut there was just one pro8lem:

You look out the window again. It all looks so different, now that you’ve seen a piece of the world beyond.

She didn’t want the throne. The concept of an entire planet, ready to o8lige her on her every whim was overwhelming to her. Despite her tendency to appear confident and assertive to her peers, she saw the world for the 8eautiful, vi8rant thing that it was, and decided that it was too fragile to hold in her iron fist. So she did what she believed was the sensi8le thing to do, and fled to the green moon.

This world is supposed to be teeming with life. It *is*, but you’ve just been rounded off into the deadest corner of the planet for the entirety of your youth.

Document8tion on what happened next is hazy at 8est. Legend has it that she was visited 8y a f8celess man with unimagina8le power, who convinced her to reconsider her self-imposed exile. Some say that he somehow showed her what the world would look like when directed solely 8y her might, and that she decided that everything she would have to sacrifice to m8ke that dream come true would 8e worth it. 8ut regardless of what happened, the fact is that she returned, and soon crowned herself Condesce.

Nothing can grow here.

Not even you.

Your computer pings with the arrival of a direct message, and you snap out of your catastrophizing. You put the book to one side, regardless of how much you’re coming to love this prose-heavy exposition. You swivel your chair around to check who it’s from.

Oh! Cool.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].

AT: hEY, uM,,,  
AT: sORRY ABOUT EVERYONE BEING SO OVERBEARING, aLL THE TIME,,,  
AT: tHEY GET LIKE THAT WITH ME TOO,  
AG: Hey, it’s no pro8lem. Really, it’s fine!  
AG: I wasn’t really expecting, y’know.  
AG: Anything!  
AT: aNYTHING OF WHAT,  
AG: Just, like, having people to chill out with. Talk to. I mean, I have a neigh8or, 8ut he can 8e pretty intense!  
AT: yOU MEAN, lIKE ARADIA,,,  
AG: Oh, goodness, no. No no no no no no no!  
AG: I mean, Aradia’s intense. Sure. I 8n’t gonna refute that one!  
AG: 8ut she’s cool a8out it!  
AT: i THINK YOU LATCHED ONTO A FIRST IMPRESSION OF HER,,,, aND NOW YOU’RE ACTING LIKE YOU KNOW HER AS WELL AS I DO,,,  
AG: Oh, huh. Am I wrong?  
AT: nOT REALLY,  
AT: yOU BASICALLY SUMMED HER UP,,  
AG: Good to know.  
AG: Say, you seem like a pretty cool guy, T8H.  
AG: Not that I know you that well, 8ut you seem really capa8le of just calling stuff as it is. My neigh8or says that’s a criterion of no8ility or something.  
AT: }:O  
AT: tHANK YOU SO MUCH, fOR SAYING THAT NICE THING ABOUT ME,

The two of you continue to talk for more or less the rest of the night. You learn that his name is TAVROS NITRAM, and that he’s been Aradia’s best friend for as long as either of them can remember. You’ve never felt as understood by a person as you are by Tavros, and you add each other as friends without hesitation. The night seems to stretch on forever, but tragically, it doesn’t. The first rays of sunlight eventually find their way to you, still glaringly bright despite your heavily tinted windows, and you’re forced to bid him adieu.  
When you at last stand up from your computer, you’re suddenly struck by how tired you are. Tonight, you wandered farther from your hive than you ever had before. You stumble and yawn, exhaustedly undress and carelessly toss your clothes on the floor, and in a single lifeless motion, you slump into your recuperacoon and pass out almost instantly. There's no fanfare to it. There's just a moment you're awake, succeeded by one where you aren't.


	3. Day 2: NASCENCE

You're awoken from your dream (which portrayed real events that actually happened, for some reason? Is that what your mind is gonna do, now that you're away from all the dream bubbles? That's stupid.) by something buzzing against your hip. Your glasses had fallen off your face in your sleep, so you fumble with them for a second and try to put them on, but the right lens has fallen out, so they're useless now. Great! Just wonderful! What a fantastic start to the day!  
You carelessly toss them onto the bedside table and reach for whatever it was that just buzzed. Oh, that's right! John's phone! You really should give it back to him at some point, but you also don't really care? He's just kind of a miserable old loser nowwwwwwwWWHOA HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT NEW MESSAGE FROM TEREZI! YOU HOLD THE PHONE AS CLOSE TO YOUR EYES AS YOU CAN, SO THAT YOU CAN READ IT WITHOUT YOUR GLASSES, AND-

TEREZI: Hey, not John.  
TEREZI: This isn't Terezi either.  
TEREZI: In fact, you don't need to know who it is.  
TEREZI: I'm doing everything I can right now to help Terezi achieve the catharsis of moving on from you. She doesn't need you anymore. In fact, she's better off this way.  
TEREZI: I suggest you do yourself a favor and follow suit.  
TEREZI PYROPE has blocked JOHN EGBERT.

You stare at the long string of "Go fuck yourself"s you hadn't sent soon enough. So that's it, then.

She’s fucking gone.

You put your face in the pillow to think, which is a thing you can do with it instead of suppressing the urges to scream and cry, which is good because those are urges you don’t have right now. And even if you did have them you would totally be completely successful in suppressing them.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Ohhhhhhhh fuck.

You sit up and wipe your eyes, which you do because you just woke up, and for no other reason. You need a moment to collect yourself, because you’ve been awake for two minutes and your day is already irredeemably awful.

Fuck. Goddamn.

You finally help yourself to your feet and slip your ph-  
Slip *John’s* phone, back into your pocket. You forgot that you just kind of passed out on pain meds, fully clothed. No wonder you feel like a garbage fire at high noon. You take a deep breath in through your nose. You smell like one too. God. Fuck. You need a damn bath.  
You scurry down the stairs as you are wont to do from a childhood spent traversing immense quantities of stairs at a scurrying pace. The smell of something cooking wafts from afar, in what you can only guess is what humans call the “kitchen”. No, not exactly cooking... more like cookalizing. Yes, you decide, that’s a real word that makes sense, in a thought you just had that also makes sense.

JADE: hey vriska!!

She calls to you from afar. She must have picked you up with those absurdly enhanced Bec senses she has.

JADE: how did you sleep!!!  
VRISKA: Alright, I guess!!!!!!!!

You call back to her. She could probably hear you without shouting, but you don’t want to seem rude by mumbling. You’re a guest in her hive, after all. Also, she is incredibly fucking powerful.

VRISKA: You got an a8lut- You got a 8ath around anywhere????????  
JADE: we have a shower!!!  
VRISKA: The fuck’s that????????

She rounds the corner from the kitchen. Already, she’s dressed for the day, in a loose-fitting t-shirt and tracksuit pants. The idea of “being dressed for the day” is very, very strange to you, but you guess you’d better start getting used to living diurnally. Rose told you all about that. The normal, sixteen-year-old Rose, you mean. Augh, who cares? They’re the same damn Rose.

JADE: you dont know what a shower is?  
VRISKA: ........No?  
JADE: how do you wash your hair  
VRISKA: Why the fuck would I “wash” hair?  
JADE: ...  
JADE: ...  
JADE: ...  
JADE: hm.  
JADE: ...  
JADE: ok basically its like a bath but raining  
VRISKA: ...Alr8ght. Sure. Ok.  
JADE: itll make more sense when you see it  
JADE: theres a small white bottle of stuff for you to rub into your hair  
JADE: also dont get it in your eyes because it really stings  
VRISKA: ........  
JADE: vriska?  
VRISKA: What?  
VRISKA: Oh. R8ght. Sure. So8nds good to me!  
JADE: vriska are you okay  
VRISKA: I’M F8NE!  
VRISKA: I mean...  
VRISKA: Yeah, couldn’t 8e 8etter!  
JADE: are you  
JADE: sure  
VRISKA: Yeah, of course I am! What do you take me for?  
VRISKA: A liar, who lies a8out her feelings?  
VRISKA: Those 8eing my feelings, you know, 8ecause,  
JADE: yeah im pretty sure that was clear  
VRISKA: 8ecause I am “her”, and-  
JADE: vriska please  
JADE: just  
JADE: have a shower and let me know if you have any problems!  
JADE: ok?  
VRISKA: Okay, sure. You got a change of clothes?  
JADE: i can get you one  
VRISKA: Awesome.

You forget to ask where the bathroom is, but you keep face and find your way there yourself. The shower is pretty self explanatory, you guess. There’s a mirror on the opposite wall, and you finally see how short your hair has been cut.  
It's been almost a sweep and a half since you last felt this dysphoric.  
Oh, come on, you tell yourself. It’s not a big deal. Look at you! Look at this real, actual feminine body you managed to secure for yourself! Short hair doesn’t have to be a massive issue here!  
Eh, it’s complicated. Always has been. It’s probably just that having hair this short - and missing your makeup, for that matter! - reminds you of...

Whatever. Whatever! You take a goddamn stupid fucking shower. Your wings can barely fit in here with you - what a ridiculous inconvenience they are! - but you manage. The water feels weirdly heavy on them. Makes them hard to move. Still, though, they’d been held down long enough by your shirt, and then the bandages, and then Dave’s shirt. Feels good to get them out.  
Drying them off is, of course, a pain in the ass. It has been ever since you got them. The rest of you is fine, though. Your hair... god, fuck your hair. Sure, it’s less of a hassle to dry off, but at the cost of actually looking good.  
You wrap your towel around yourself and peer out the door. There’s a neon-blue and black dress lying on the floor outside. You remember Jade wearing this a whole bunch on her land way back in the day. You guess she made a bigger one? That’s cool of her. You snatch it up, close the door, put the towel up to dry, and put the dress on. It’s surprisingly comfortable, and you look good in this color! The frills are a bit much, and the Bec logo has pretty negative connotations in your opinion. But it’s cool. You’re over Jack stuff, despite everything he screwed up for you.  
You leave the bathroom at last, and make your way back to the kitchen. Jade isn’t there. Hm. Alright.

VRISKA: HEY, JADE????????  
JADE: YEAH??????  
VRISKA: WHERE ARE YOU????????  
JADE: IM JUST IN THE BEDROOM!!!!! ILL BE THERE IN A SECOND OK!!!!! 

You hear her scamper down the stairs, and you go to meet her. She-

Oh.

Oh!

She’s cut her hair short.

JADE: hey  
VRISKA: Wow, you, uh-  
JADE: oh yeah i did  
JADE: i hope you dont take it the wrong way its just  
JADE: you looked so upset about yours being short  
JADE: you were grasping at it and toying with it and the more you did that the sadder you got :(  
JADE: so i figured  
JADE: if i cut mine short too we can grow it back out together!  
VRISKA: ::::0  
VRISKA: W- wow, I don’t...  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: Thanks.  
JADE: :D

You take a deep breath and smile. She absolutely beams back. She points toward the kitchen.

JADE: breakfast?  
VRISKA: Sure thing.

The two of you make your way to the kitchen and take seats at opposite ends of the table. She’s given you a full English breakfast, although you don’t know it’s called that. How fucking ironic, you would be thinking to yourself right now if you did. She, on the other hand, has a cut of meat that seems to... No, surely it’s not...?

VRISKA: Hey Jade.  
JADE: hm? 

Her ears perk up when she looks at you.

VRISKA: Is that meat... glowing?  
JADE: oh?  
JADE: oh lol yeah it is  
JADE: i may not be a first guardian anymore but im still kinda um  
JADE: basically indestructible!  
JADE: so i cook it with a nuclear reactor  
VRISKA: ...Why?  
JADE: i dont know i just think it tastes better!  
JADE: sure i have to get plates custom made for it  
JADE: and cutlery too i guess  
JADE: but i think its worth it!  
VRISKA: Yeah, okay. That’s fair.  
VRISKA: I mean, I eat a whole 8unch of stuff humans like you and Dave would pro8a8ly think is super weird too. I’m not in any position to judge.  
JADE: oh right  
JADE: yeah uh  
JADE: about dave  
VRISKA: Yeah, where is that guy? I haven’t seen him all morning!  
JADE: youre not going to 

She lets out a single furious huff.

JADE: NOBODY is EVER fucking going to ever again!!!  
JADE: DAVE STRIDERS FUCKING DEAD!!!  
VRISKA: 8888O  
JADE: i mean  
JADE: sorry i didnt mean to shout its just  
JADE: vriska are you ok  
JADE: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Wow, I-  
VRISKA: Dave fucking Strider.  
VRISKA: Dead.  
JADE: i found his body in some old ruins a few days ago  
JADE: i  
JADE: he  
JADE: its hard to talk about for a lot of reasons!  
JADE: i dont even know what killed him but  
JADE: we didnt always see eye to eye  
JADE: and i was kind of overbearing  
JADE: all the time actually  
JADE: im worried  
JADE: what if it was suicide  
JADE: and im wondering am i just that fucking unbearable??? am i so completely intolerable that hed rather...  
JADE: what if john and davesprite...  
JADE: what if tavros was wrong and grandpa really...  
JADE: ?  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Look.  
VRISKA: I don’t know you super well, 8ut I spent three years with Dave.  
VRISKA: And every day, he’d go on and on and on a8out how excited he was to see you and John!  
VRISKA: You really meant a lot to him, okay?  
VRISKA: You guys are at war or something, right?  
JADE: *snif*  
JADE: yeah.....  
VRISKA: Well, I figure that if he died permanently, it pro8a8ly means he died while protecting you!  
JADE: :o  
JADE: maybe youre right  
JADE: that makes me feel a bit better actually  
JADE: thank you

The two of you eat in silence for a minute or two. You enjoy the silence. It’s a silence not born of loneliness: rather, it is a quiet of gentle acceptance. Of welcome. You embrace it, until Jade speaks up again.

JADE: what happened to your glasses?  
VRISKA: Wrmph hrmg-  
JADE: dont talk with a mouthful of food vriska  
JADE: its rude!!

It’s what? Is that a real human belief? But Dave always did that!  
Not wanting to start any shit, though, you chew and swallow.

VRISKA: They 8roke. I don’t really, like, need them? They’re pretty much only for reading.  
JADE: really  
VRISKA: Yeah?  
JADE: ok then how many fingers am i holding up  
VRISKA: Who cares?  
JADE: how many fingers  
JADE: answer the question  
VRISKA: Look, I’m honestly fine without them.  
JADE: ok ok if you say so!  
JADE: jeez im just trying to help!  
VRISKA: Don’t 8other, honestly.  
JADE: :/  
VRISKA: ::::/  
JADE: you know you look so different to how i remembered you  
JADE: i mean i never saw much of you in person before  
JADE: but with your glasses and mascara and lipstick gone  
JADE: and the dress of eclectica  
JADE: and your short curly hair and side shave  
VRISKA: My what?  
JADE: omg didnt you see  
JADE: i guess since this is your first time washing your hair you never would have seen it like that before huh  
JADE: your hair just naturally curls  
VRISKA: Does it look any good?  
JADE: yeah it looks really cute!  
VRISKA: Oh, thank fuck. At least it has one redeeming quality.  
JADE: trust me it honestly looks awesome!  
VRISKA: “Awesome”, huh?  
VRISKA: Don’t tell me the shit we used to say turned into uncool outd8ed slang for normal adolescents to m8ke fun of.  
JADE: omg hehe  
JADE: im sorry vriska but it totally did  
JADE: youre so uncool now!  
VRISKA: FUCK!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: What do young people say now?  
JADE: im not sure!!! ive never had a kid before  
VRISKA: 8efore? 8efore what?  
JADE: i mean  
JADE: nothing i just dont have kids  
JADE: gosh did rose not tell you  
JADE: i mean of course she didnt why would she  
VRISKA: Tell me what????????  
JADE: nothing!!  
JADE: really its fine ill explain later  
VRISKA: How much l8r?  
JADE: .... 

Before she can answer, there comes a knock at the door. She shoots up from her chair, mumbles some kind of excuse you can bother to make out even less than she can bother to enunciate, and half-jogs to the front door. You follow her, of course, even though you’re not sure if you should. When you see who it is at the door, you duck behind a corner for some reason? You worry that after yesterday’s conversation, she sees you less as a friend and more like a wiggler, and you don’t want to say something that might reinforce that perspective. So you hide behind that corner and listen in.

ROSE: Good morning, Jade. How is sh-  
ROSE: Jade.  
ROSE: Jade.  
ROSE: The gesture is nothing but appreciated, but your embraces have a tendency to be constricting-!  
JADE: oh  
JADE: sorry  
JADE: i just  
ROSE: It’s alright. It’s alright, I know it’s hard.

Oh god, Jade’s crying. You’re glad you ducked out of that one. You shudder to imagine the kind of conversation you’d be getting roped into right now had this popsicle stand been left unblown.

ROSE: I can’t say I know what it would be like if, say, I lost Kanaya, so I can't claim to know what you're feeling.  
ROSE: But *you* know how it feels to lose a brother.  
ROSE: This is a lot for me to deal with too.  
JADE: yeah :(  
JADE: i  
JADE: i just  
ROSE: It’s all alright. I promise.  
ROSE: As I was trying to ask, though: How is Vriska?  
JADE: oh shes fine! shes doing great actually

Wrong.

JADE: but i havent told her  
ROSE: Why not? I thought you’d be overjoyed to tell her.  
JADE: normally yeah probably  
JADE: today though i just cant stop thinking about dave  
JADE: besides its been 23 years  
JADE: this is gonna be a lot to spring on her  
ROSE: You know you’re going to have to tell her eventually.  
ROSE: Your hesitance is understandable, though. I can’t imagine how she’ll take it.  
ROSE: Shall I come in and back you up?  
ROSE: I spent last night organizing her paperwork. Kanaya double-checked it. All that’s left is for her to sign off on it all.  
ROSE: And you, where appropriate. Even beyond the papers specifically for-  
JADE: hey um  
JADE: is it ok if you dont say that out loud  
ROSE: Sure...?  
JADE: i mean im fine with it but shes listening in on this conversation

Stupid highly sharpened Bec senses. Caught blue-handed. You reveal yourself, but you don’t make eye contact.

JADE: come on in by the way

Rose enters the house, wearing the same jacket she wore yesterday. Kanaya must have changed a lot if she’s letting her wife go out in the same thing twice in as many days! She nods to you on her way past while Jade guides her into the living room.

ROSE: Vriska.  
VRISKA: Sup.

The three of you take seats around a coffee table, with Jade and Rose on the couch, and you in an armchair. The couch has been worn away from decades of its owner's love, and patched up just as much so that it resembles a chimera of styles and aesthetics. The armchair is an antique, barely touched, but eaten away by the unrelenting march of time nonetheless. Rose slaps a thick pile of papers down onto the table, and slides them over to you.

ROSE: I’ve been very busy lately, as you can imagine. The war is putting a major strain on every single facet of my life, Kanaya and I are struggling to protect the legal legitimacy of both our marriage and our parenthood, and to make matters worse, my brother’s mysteriously passed away.  
ROSE: I’m not trying to make my ability to produce these documents seem like some miraculous feat executed by a cunning genius, which from your perspective must be a first.  
ROSE: All I’m trying to do is make it clear that I’ve organized all of this because I do care about you.  
ROSE: Our universe might not be the happy ending we were promised - in fact, maybe this was all destined to go wrong the moment we decided to carry our own Earth here, instead of venturing to whatever paradise planet it was supposed to produce, or perhaps even earlier than that! - but you still deserve the best life we can manage for you.  
ROSE: Thus, I present to you everything necessary to begin your life here: Documents of your medical history, forms for passports, the closest analogue to a hatching certificate I could get my hands on, that sort of thing.  
VRISKA: That... sounds easy enough. What are you guys not telling me?  
JADE: ...  
ROSE: ...  
JADE: ill say it  
JADE: after i told rose about dave i  
JADE: she  
ROSE: We.  
JADE: *we* talked for a while about how im best not left alone given my  
JADE: history  
JADE: with abandonment  
JADE: now that daves gone and karkat’s being karkat and i dont talk to john and jake and jane much i really dont have a family anymore  
JADE: and  
JADE: well you would legally be an orphan so you would be the governments responsibility  
JADE: and i dont trust them with troll kids  
VRISKA: I... I don’t underst8nd. Wh8t are you s8ying?  
JADE: ...  
ROSE: ...  
VRISKA: Wh8t are y8u keeping fr8m me????????  
JADE: ...  
ROSE: ...  
VRISKA: WH8T THE F8CK ARE YOU M8KING ME S8GN????????

Jade covers her left hand with her right, and places them both on her stomach, as if cradling an excruciating ulcer. Rose glances at her in barely disguised panic, and places a hand on her back. Jade takes a deep breath and calms down.

JADE: its a form for adoption  
VRISKA: .  
VRISKA: WHAT.  
JADE: becs body  
JADE: my body  
JADE: is too irradiated to have children of my own  
JADE: and even if it wasnt we would have needed a surrogate  
JADE: so i talked to dave about  
JADE: well a whole bunch of options actually!  
JADE: but it was clear that he never wanted kids to start with  
JADE: this is my chance though  
JADE: this is OUR chance!  
VRISKA: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!  
VRISKA: No.  
VRISKA: I don’t want your fucking so8 story. Alright? And I A8SOLUTELY want nothing to do with your ridiculous Earth human family shit!  
VRISKA: You know what you are? You know what this is?  
VRISKA: Selfish!  
VRISKA: You think you can just, I don’t know, t8ke me in under your wing and decide who the fuck I am to you?  
ROSE: I wish there was another way, but believe me. This is the best outcome for everyone involved, not least of all you.  
ROSE: Seer of Light, remember?  
ROSE: Maybe the two of you could come to some kind of arrangement. Draw up boundaries. Even if it means turning this into nothing more than a relationship of convenience.  
JADE: rose please  
JADE: i dont want to let this get watered down and-  
VRISKA: J8de, 8e quiet. I’m trying to think.  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: I don’t want to do this. I really, really don’t want to do this.  
VRISKA: When you were so nice to me this morning, I thought you were trying to 8e my friend or something!  
VRISKA: Was this what that was leading to? You adopting me as your FUCKING CHILD????????  
JADE: no!!!!  
JADE: i didnt mean it like that! cant i just be nice to you for no reason???  
VRISKA: App8rently N8T!  
ROSE: Should I leave this for you two to discuss amongst yourselves?  
VRISKA: Sure.  
JADE; no rose dont go <:(  
JADE: i dont know what im supposed to do!!!  
VRISKA: Wow, real promising custodian material here, huh???????? Hahahahahahahaha!

Jade retreats into her defensive ulcer-massaging-looking position and glares at you. You swear there’s a depth to her eyes that wasn’t there before. Portals through which you can see your darkest nightmares and most twisted desires. She clenches her eyes shut and takes a few deep breaths until she calms down again.

ROSE: Please don’t try to get under her skin, Vriska. You don’t want to exacerbate her... condition.  
ROSE: Is it fair to call it that?  
JADE: i wouldnt call it that  
JADE: its just anger issues honestly!!  
JADE: and theyre really only a problem because im still dealing with  
JADE: dave  
ROSE: Well,  
ROSE: If you say so.  
ROSE: Unless either of you have any objections, I’ll leave you two be.  
ROSE: But the latest I can submit these forms is five o’clock this evening.  
ROSE: I’ll be back at four to pick them up, so if you can’t come to an arrangement by then, I’ll be forced to take Vriska into the custody of anyone else who might take her in.  
ROSE: Failing that, well,  
ROSE: Then it’s up to the government.  
ROSE: And none of us want that.  
ROSE: This whole arrangement is just until you turn eighteen, Vriska. That’s a mere two years away!

Jade meets neither your eye nor hers, but she nods. Rose, well, rises, and leaves. She turns to look at the two of you over her shoulder and pauses as if she’s about to say something.  
But she doesn’t. She offers a small salute to you again and makes herself scarce.

JADE: so  
VRISKA: So.  
JADE: a relationship of convenience huh  
VRISKA: Looks like.  
JADE: well i  
JADE: i guess thats an ok compromise  
JADE: for both of us  
VRISKA: Well, I don’t really have any other option.  
JADE: .....  
JADE: would you change your name to vriska harley  
JADE: since you would be my family!  
VRISKA: There you go again with this “family” shit!  
VRISKA: Why are you so insistent a8out it???????? You 8arely even know me!  
JADE: well is there someone else youd rather have?  
JADE: would you want rose and kanaya to be your moms? wow im sure that wouldnt be really really fucking weird!  
JADE: or what about having john and jake as your dad and uncle??? What could possibly go wrong!!!  
JADE: or would you prefer roxy-  
VRISKA: Shut up!  
VRISKA: Shut!  
VRISKA: Up!  
VRISKA: I don't want a f8mily! End of disc8ssion!!!!!!!!  
JADE: im sorry vriska  
JADE: we dont have a choice  
JADE: its this or  
JADE: well  
JADE: better not to worry about that  
JADE: and since were stuck living together i just wanna try making something of it!!  
JADE: when rose filled me in on everything i just thought  
JADE: i dont even know what i thought  
JADE: i figured maybe we both just  
JADE: *snif*  
JADE: maybe we both just needed someone in our lives  
JADE: and i could be someone you never had  
JADE: maybe someone you never knew you needed!!!  
JADE: and maybe the same goes for me!  
JADE: even if im wrong about all that though  
JADE: we can still just be mom and daughter by law only  
JADE: all i want right now  
JADE: all i want is at least for you to give me a fair try at us being a family  
JADE: until rose gets back  
JADE: ok?  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Fine. I'll give it a shot.  
JADE: :D!!!  
VRISKA: Just until Rose gets 8ack, though. Alright?  
JADE: yeah!!!!

You upturn the corner of your mouth into a smile, for her sake.

VRISKA: For what it's worth, "Vriska Harley" has a pretty nice ring to it.  
VRISKA: So... I'll consider that, at least.  
VRISKA: “Mom”.  
VRISKA: Other than that, uh...  
VRISKA: What now?  
JADE: well once all our paperwork gets approved ill take you to the optometrist to get a new pair of glasses!  
JADE: maybe we can buy some new clothes for you too!  
VRISKA: You know I just got here, right?  
VRISKA: I don’t have a ceagar to my name now. How am I supposed to 8uy new glasses?  
JADE: oh i know dont worry!  
JADE: ill buy it for you!!!  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Are you sure?  
JADE: yes???  
JADE: im your mom now! its my job to take care of you!  
VRISKA: That’s...  
VRISKA: I don’t think that’s what 8eing a mom is.  
JADE: oh yeah?  
VRISKA: Yeah, okay, I’ll concede that I don’t know all that much a8out your weird human family dynamics. All I’m saying is that my lusus never did anything like that.  
JADE: did anything like what  
JADE: care about you??? hehe  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
JADE: .....  
JADE: oh  
JADE: she never-  
JADE: oh  
JADE: vriska im so sorry i

She stands up and approaches you with her arms wide. You recoil and shuffle back as far in your chair as you can, and when she grabs you in her arms you scream. She pulls away in a panic, and you curl up into a ball and shut your eyes.

JADE: vriska?  
VRISKA: Stay away from me! Stay the fuck away from me!  
VRISKA: I’m in enough fucking p8in already!  
JADE: vriska whats wrong? :(  
VRISKA: YOU 8RE!  
VRISKA: YOU’RE WH8T’S WRONG!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: At least my l8st custodi8n had the courtesy to tell me what I did wrong 8efore She att8cked me.  
JADE: your last custodian did WHAT  
JADE: i had no idea you  
JADE: wow  
JADE: im sorry  
JADE: i  
JADE: ...  
JADE: im sorry  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
VRISKA: So if I could, like, at least have a warning...  
JADE: im not going to hit you  
VRISKA: Oh.  
VRISKA: Thanks.  
VRISKA: 8ut when you do-  
JADE: no buts!!!!  
JADE: i will never ever hit you and that is a promise!!!!

You open your eyes. That’s a bold statement for her to make! How does she know that? How does she know you’re not going to disappoint her as a s-  
As a daughter, within even like, the next five minutes? God, you don’t even want to *think* about what she’s capable of doing if you cross her.

JADE: vriska im being serious  
JADE: i dont want you to think i would ever try to hurt you

And there she goes again! Just reiterating the same point all over, as if that makes it more true!

VRISKA: Fuck ooooooooff...  
VRISKA: Just leave me aloooooooone.  
JADE: please vriska just  
JADE: just calm down ok!!!!  
JADE: i just want you to feel safe at home  
JADE: is it too much to ask

Alright, Vriska. You know the drill. You’ve done this a million times before. If mom tells you to calm down, you’d better fucking calm down. Deep breaths. Come on, deep breaths. Eight. Sixteen. Twenty-four. Thirty-two. Forty. Forty-eight. Shit, uh... right, fifty-six. Sixty-four. Seventy-two. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay okay okay okay okay! You feel way better now. Well, maybe “way better” is an exaggeration, but it’s a start.  
You finally meet Jade’s gaze. She smiles. You don’t.

JADE: i dont know about you but im gonna go finish my breakfast  
JADE: if you wont eat yours ill have it!  
VRISKA: Sure, go ahead.

She’s obviously testing your deference, right? She runs the hive, and that means she can have anything she wants.

JADE: oh  
JADE: didnt you like it

And now she’s employing reverse psychology! Ha! Does she think you’re a fucking amateur?

VRISKA: No, I’m just not that hungry.  
JADE: oh come on youve barely eaten in days!

Shit. Okay. This one is new to you. Your lusus never actually *encouraged* you to go against Her. What’s the correct response to this????????

JADE: here let me get it for you!  
VRISKA: No, it’s alright! I can get it myself.

  
God

  
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN.

What the fuck was that? She was so obviously baiting you into this! Whatever. You have to keep face and accept it. Unless, of course, she actually wanted you to accept? You were kind of getting mixed messages there, and human custodians are apparently much softer than yours. But how much softer? That’s the question here. You can’t just assume you can get away with everything, obviously. And how much of your old lifestyle are you taking for granted, anyway?  
How much of *anything* can you take for granted? Both of you defy logical explanation: A hero of Space who can't stand to be alone, and a hero of Light who can't understand the way of the world. A Witch without control, and a Thief without freedom.  
Alright, you think, as you sit across from her at the table once more. You can’t believe you’re actually asking this directly. You may as well lift your chin up and let her go directly for your throat.

VRISKA: Hey, uh.  
VRISKA: “Mom”?  
JADE: hm?  
VRISKA: When you asked me if I wanted to finish 8r8kfast, was that a sincere question?  
JADE: what do you mean?

She tilts her head to one side in the inquisitive canine way. For a brief moment, you picture what it might have been like to grow up as her normal human daughter. But just as quickly as you see it, the image vanishes.

VRISKA: Nothing. Don't worry a8out it.  
VRISKA: I'm just 8eing dum8.  
JADE: well if you say so

She shrugs and finishes her steak, seemingly satisfied with your answer, but you can tell she's not stupid. She knows you've got major problems looming over your head. You always do.  
It’s different this time, though: someone beyond your immediate circle of friends is giving half a shit about your problems, and if you're honest?  
If you're honest, you feel really fucking self conscious about it. But can you be blamed, really? You spent your whole childhood staying out of your guardian’s way, and yet here Jade is, and she’s looking at you like-

Wait. Wait a second. Here she is? Here She is? Which one do you have to use now? She hasn’t earned your reverence yet, but... but you may as well respect Her as if She has.

JADE: hey vriska?  
VRISKA: Yeah?  
JADE: can i ask you a question and get a totally honest answer for it  
VRISKA: No promises, 8ut I’ll try.  
JADE: does the idea of a mom make you uncomfortable  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: I can see why you’d think that.  
JADE: thats not an answer

She raises her eyebrows expectantly. Yeah, right, like you’d just tell Her everything! She’s your mother, not your fucking moirail.

VRISKA: Okay, if you want the truth...  
VRISKA: It does, a little.  
JADE: a little?  
VRISKA: You know, my lusus never pried at matters that weren’t Her 8usiness.

That shuts Her up, thank fuck.  
When you’ve finished eating, you pick your plate up to carry it to the sink. You grab Hers too, and She can only splutter out a

JADE: no wait dont-

before you grab it, and instantly burn your fingers. You drop the plate instinctively, and it smashes on the ground. You freeze. You can hardly breathe. You idiot! You colossal fuck up!  
Only the tiniest whimper escapes your lips as She grabs your wrist, carries you to the sink, and...  
And... runs your hand under cold water. An unusual punishment, you suppose.

JADE: when you burn yourself you cant just stand around  
JADE: you need to run the burn under cold water as soon as possible!  
VRISKA: 8ut... your pl8!  
VRISKA: I 8roke it! Why are you helping me?  
JADE: because youre hurt!  
JADE: and you can feel pain  
JADE: a plate obviously cant!  
JADE: not to mention a plate can be replaced  
JADE: unlike you  
JADE: youre one of a kind!!!

What kind of custodian is She, speaking so highly of you when you're obviously such a stupid, useless girl?  
You, uh,  
You kind of like it.  
God fucking dammit, you're losing your edge! You're turning so soft, it's despicable!  
You put the plate you're still holding in the sink, pull your hand out of Her grip, and turn and walk towards the broken plate on the floor. Suddenly, the space around you curves and you're face to face with Jade again.

JADE: no no dont touch any of that!!!  
JADE: youll cut yourself!  
VRISKA: Sure, 8ut it's my fault. I should clean it up, at least!  
JADE: its fine!!  
JADE: i can just use my sprite powers and clean it up myself!  
VRISKA: Then how am I supposed to learn not to do it again, if I don't fix it?  
JADE: because you feel bad about it of course  
JADE: you dont need me to stand over you and decide whether or not youve made up for every dumb little mistake you make  
JADE: everyone makes mistakes  
JADE: but we learn from them because we care about being better  
JADE: thats what makes us  
JADE: us! :D  
VRISKA: Hey, you could have put that in a million different ways less patronizing than that. You don't need to talk to me like I'm two damn sweeps old.  
JADE: ok  
JADE: but  
JADE: do you hate it?  
JADE: be honest!!  
VRISKA: You can't just keep getting me to open up 8y saying, "8e honest".  
JADE: vriska im just trying to help  
JADE: and youre only sabotaging yourself by refusing to meet me halfway!  
JADE: i just wanna know  
JADE: completely sincerely  
JADE: do you have problems with me talking in a condescending way?  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: No.  
VRISKA: She - and at this point, I don't even need to expl8in who I mean 8y "She" - would always just assume I knew everything and scold me for 8eing o8tuse when I didn't.  
VRISKA: As 8ad as I feel for saying this... this is actually a pretty sweet change of p8ce?  
JADE: :O  
JADE: why does that make you feel bad?  
VRISKA: 8ecause it goes against everything I learned growing up!  
VRISKA: I was always the most c8pa8le, the most resilient, “the 8EST”!  
VRISKA: So someone talking down to me is fundamentally just... wrong, right?  
VRISKA: 8ut it feels good, too! And I’m relishing in the past couple days of 8eing almost totally useless 8ecause it’s li8er8ing!  
VRISKA: 8ut caving into that aimless, thoughtless hedonism while the world around me is just a fucking maelstrom feels DISGUSTING!  
JADE: but  
JADE: why do you need to be the best  
JADE: why do you have to solve everything yourself?  
VRISKA: 8ecause if my lusus was wrong,  
VRISKA: If all of Alternia was wrong,  
VRISKA: Wrong to push me, wrong to tell me I could do 8etter every time I fell short of perfect, wrong to force me to go it alone,  
VRISKA: That means I'm...

Tears are rolling down your cheeks. You know what? It's acceptable this time. This is some really heavy shit you're getting off your chest.

VRISKA: That means I'm not the 8est! That I c8n never 8e the 8est, and I c8n't figure it all out on my own! And wh8t's the point of trying 8s hard as I h8ve to 8e perfect at ev8rything, if, if, if I just n8turally can't 8e p8rfect?  
VRISKA: 8ecause if there 8re fl8ws to me so fund8mental to who I 8m that they can never 8e ironed out, things I can't do 8y myself, even shit I just pl8in can't figure out w8thout someone expl8ining it to me, then what point was th8re to growing up the w8y I did?  
VRISKA: Was all my suffering for nothing????????

You can barely enunciate that last sentence before having to bury your face in the palm of your hand. Augh, come on, this is your second breakdown in the last hour! Get a grip already!  
Ok. From the top. Eight. Sixteen. Twenty-four. Thirty-two. Forty. Forty-eight. Alright. Alright, that's better. You feel Jade put Her arms around you again, and you shove Her off and wipe your eyes on your sleeve. You need some space.

VRISKA: Ground rule, if you really want me to trust you:  
VRISKA: Don't EVER touch me. Okay????????  
JADE: oh sorry!!!  
JADE: i just wanted to say  
JADE: i know what its like to have my life driven into the dirt for seemingly no reason  
JADE: and to feel like it didnt make me a better person  
JADE: like i was suffering for the sake of suffering  
JADE: but i think its important we dont feel too sad about it  
JADE: because that only wastes time we could spend fixing things!  
VRISKA: Oh yeah? So I'm supposed to just magically m8ke myself feel 8etter???????? Newsflash, J8de! I don't-  
VRISKA: 8luh.  
VRISKA: I don't know how.  
JADE: :(  
JADE: i wish i knew how to help but  
JADE: ...  
JADE: actually  
JADE: come with me

She beckons for you to follow Her, but She doesn't wait. She leads you to a back door, and you obediently stick right behind Her. You obviously haven’t stepped far enough out of line to upset Her, but you’re less than eager to find out what happens if you do. And you certainly don’t want this to be the straw that shatters the humpbeast’s spine!  
Out through the back door is a garden. The garden is split down the middle so that there is a clear path from one side to the other, and it’s lined either side by rows of vegetables you don’t recognize, parted like an audience of subjects bowing to their empress. A sea of green, a crucible of infinite creative potential, Jade’s own personal Skaia lies before you.

JADE: i dont doubt life in a new world is gonna feel really daunting  
JADE: maybe too daunting to even try to navigate  
JADE: so let me at least teach you something you can do to pass the time!  
VRISKA: ...Gardening? That’s your “8rilliant idea” to help me try and feel 8etter?  
JADE: yeah!!!  
JADE: its more fun than it looks honestly

Jade points to two pairs of boots sitting by the back door, and puts one pair on Herself. You understand the gesture and follow suit. She hurries out the door and waits for you to catch up. Her grin is wider than ever, and She can barely contain Her excitement. You jog out into the backyard with Her. It’s hard to tell what’s what without your glasses, but you can definitely see that some plants grow on the ground, some grow up, and others still are grown along wire frames. The air is cool and slightly humid, and the sky is overcast. There’s a faint glow overhead behind the clouds, and that’s it.  
Your jaw drops, and then twists into a smile. You laugh, and She joins you in laughing, and you cover your mouth with a hand in amazement. You can hardly even remember why you were crying.

Holy fucking goddamn.

You’re looking at the sun.

VRISKA: It’s 8eautiful!  
VRISKA: It's the most 8eautiful thing I've ever seen!  
VRISKA: After Terezi, of course.  
VRISKA: Did it look like that on Earth?  
JADE: where john and rose lived  
JADE: and maybe dave too  
JADE: clouds didnt cross my island all that often  
VRISKA: No, not the sky!  
VRISKA: I mean the sun! I've never seen it 8efore!  
VRISKA: Well, except for a giant fucking green one.  
JADE: oh right!!  
JADE: Well right now its covered up by clouds obviously  
JADE: its normally a lot brighter!  
JADE: it used to have giant letters next to it that said thanks for playing but they faded away over time :(  
VRISKA: That's weird.  
VRISKA: You think Skaia rescinded it?  
JADE: probably  
JADE: we screwed up a lot of things  
JADE: dont look at it too long by the way itll really hurt your eyes

You look away. You know the dangers of staring at the sun better than most.

JADE: ok so to start well need a watering can

⁂

She spends the next half-hour guiding you through the toil of Her horticultural routine. You despise every second: this isn't therapeutic, it's a fucking chore! By the time you're done, dress wet with dew and boots caked in dirt, you toss the empty watering can and tell Her as much.

VRISKA: What,  
VRISKA: Was,  
VRISKA: The point,  
VRISKA: Of,  
VRISKA: Of any of this?  
JADE: wow vriska you sound out of breath!!!  
VRISKA: Three guesses,  
VRISKA: As to why that might 8e.  
JADE: why didnt you say something?  
VRISKA: Uh,  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: I'm not sure.  
VRISKA: Was I allowed to?  
JADE: you mean talk?  
VRISKA: Sure, when you put it like that it sounds dum8.  
JADE: you know you can talk to me anyt-  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
VRISKA: Yeah, I know.  
JADE: well in that case

She surveys your collective handiwork with pride.

JADE: maybe we could go back inside  
JADE: watch some tv or something!

You survey it too. You can’t see it that well, of course, but the place smells nice. Terezi taught you to really appreciate the world through senses beyond just sight, and now you silently thank her for that. But you really didn’t enjoy this.  
You weren’t feeling worse than this beforehand, right?  
Nah. Nope, of course not.

VRISKA: Sure.  
VRISKA: What kind of dum8 gar8age do people watch here, anyway?  
JADE: all kinds of stuff!  
JADE: well actually thats kind of obvious huh  
JADE: itd be weird if there were only a couple of things to watch right  
VRISKA: Sure, I guess?  
VRISKA: I didn’t watch a whole heap of TV growing up.  
VRISKA: Mostly played video games, got into fights, and 8uilt a 8unch of shitty doomsday devices. That’s a8out it.  
JADE: wow i didnt really have a lot to do when i grew up EXCEPT watch tv!  
JADE: and also gardening  
JADE: i guess playing music too  
JADE: and flying around on prospit  
JADE: ok no actually im kind of making a terrible point here  
JADE: ill just show you how to use the remote and stuff

She marches back indoors, pulls Her boots off, sets them aside, and continues over to, presumably, the living room. She didn’t even ask about the doomsday devices? That’s actually kind of cool of Her. You really don’t like having to explain them to people. Some parts of the past are best left glossed over!  
You kick off your boots by the door and scamper and slide through the house in your socks before tripping on a small pile of books in the door to the living room. You narrowly catch yourself with your levitation powers (which didn't stop being a thing or anything, even though you don't dress in your ridiculous orange garb) and plant both feet firmly on the ground. You feel your heart (that's what humans call it? What, like, the quadrant?) thump for a few seconds but you're okay! You're okay!

JADE: whoa vriska are you ok?  
VRISKA: Yeah, I'm fine!  
JADE: its ok i get it  
JADE: every time i spent years confined to the same place i ended up taking all the dimensions and positions of everything around me for granted  
JADE: so getting to lofaf or this planet i kept tripping over stuff :(  
JADE: it takes a few days to get used to!  
JADE: but you should feel ok about fucking up every now and again

Huh. She kind of has a point. You’re not perfect. You know that, deep down. So why not stop giving yourself such a har-

JADE: i think its those strange little moments where not everything works out exactly how you expected that make life interesting!

Oh, fuck this. If everything had gone according to plan, you'd be having a hot date with Terezi and maybe a normally-aged John right now. You’d be living the life you planned for, with everyone who ever cared about you. If Jade's throwing blows below the belt, you're not going to take the high road.

VRISKA: You mean like whatever the fuck happened to Dave?

She stuffs her hands in Her pockets. When She speaks, She speaks coldly and with unprecedented precision to Her every last syllable. So steady, so unwavering and exact is She, that Her voice may as well be a surgical procedure.

JADE: Vriska.  
JADE: This is something I'm only going to say once, so listen carefully.  
JADE: Don't talk about whatever happened to Dave like that. Ok?

Okay, *now* you're feeling the fear a mother should be instilling in you. It's about time!

VRISKA: Yes, mom.  
VRISKA: Sorry, mom.

She's actually really good at this. It takes Her a moment to soften up. She beckons you over and you comply, hoping that FINALLY She’ll actually fucking punish you for something instead of upholding this stupid, passive-aggressive pretense of harmlessness! She produces a small black stick, and you hold out your palm for Her to strike. You close your eyes and wince, and...

You open them again. She’s just placed it in your hand. Oh. This is the remote then, right?

JADE: ok first off this button turns the tv on

She presses the large, red button on its top corner, and a small television in the corner of the room flickers to life. Currently playing looks to be some cheesy old fantasy movie about knights and wizards and princes and matters of that ilk. Not exactly your jam, but you can leave it running in the background while you try to make heads or tails of these forms you’re supposed to be filling out.  
You slump down into the armchair again, pat your pockets for a pen - oh hey, there's the one you used to draw up plans for the final battle the day before yesterday! You'd totally forgotten all about it, but can you really be blamed? It feels like a lifetime ago.

VRISKA: You know, I had an old friend who would have h8ed this wizard shit!

You point over at the television.

VRISKA: I think he used to pick on you a lot, actually.  
JADE: maybe? i dont know it all feels so long ago i forgot a lot of details like that  
VRISKA: I guess I can’t 8lame you. He wasn’t really that important.  
VRISKA: I used to h8d8 him when I was a kid. It’s kind of a long story!  
VRISKA: 8ut...  
VRISKA: Wow. He just, like...  
VRISKA: Doesn’t exist anymore? The overwhelming majority of the people I grew up with, and played my session with are just gone forever.  
JADE: :(  
VRISKA: I mean honestly, I’m fine with it all! Don’t get me wrong!  
VRISKA: 8ut...  
VRISKA: Fuck. Why do *I* get to grow up, 8ut Tavros and Equius and the others don’t? That hardly seems fair.  
VRISKA: Oh! Uh,  
VRISKA: Name.  
VRISKA: What do I put?  
JADE: vriska harley i guess!  
JADE: if you want  
JADE: even if you do wanna be my daughter id be ok with you being vriska serket!

Fuuuuuuuuck yes. You get to legally be called Vriska. This is perfect in every single goddamn way. Your wings beat softly against the inside of your dress in excitement.

VRISKA: Vriska...  
VRISKA: A...  
VRISKA: .

You guess this is where you make the choice then. Well, it hasn’t been long, of course, but Jade’s putting in a lot of effort for you, and you really admire that. Not to mention you kind of don’t want to give up the way She treats you? It feels great, honestly! You feel more at home than you ever did with... Well. That’s all in the past now.

VRISKA: Harley. There.  
JADE: :O!!!!!  
JADE: what does the a stand for?  
VRISKA: I’m,  
VRISKA: Kind of em8arrassed to say?  
VRISKA: I'll tell you l8r. Right now, I just want to fill these forms out.  
JADE: ok!!! let me know whenever you need my help alright?  
VRISKA: Sure, uh.  
VRISKA: Sure thing, mom.

It's been a few hours, and already you feel like Jade *should* be your mother! You never knew how badly you yearned for a family - did all Alternians feel this way? - but goodness, how satisfying it feels to be welcome in someone's hive! A person, just like you are, but decades older and wiser.

⁂

You fill out your forms quickly enough, every now and then asking Jade for a bit of help with translating a specific organ’s name, or asking Her for your address, or having Her help you calculate what your date of hatching would be. It takes the better part of two hours - unsurprisingly - but you get it done and you double check it, holding every sheet up to your unbespectacled eye and squinting. Nope, no spelling errors or anything. Alternia never had any systems like these in place - hell, Alternia expected you to organize every aspect of your life by yourself without, uh... without “health insurance”, or “social security” or whatever the hell else - but you’ve filled out way more than your fair share of character sheets over the sweeps! More or less same principles half the time.

VRISKA: Okay, last thing - are you sure I don’t need to fill out everything 8elow the line here?  
JADE: im sure!  
JADE: thats only for people over 18! youre fine  
VRISKA: Okay, 8ut, are we a8solutely, 100% certain I’m younger than 18 Earth years?  
JADE: yeah of course!  
VRISKA: Just m8king sure!  
VRISKA: Wow, so this is all done.  
VRISKA: I don’t know what to say? Like, just a couple hours ago I was so insistent on you not 8eing my mom, and now,  
VRISKA: Well, I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t know that meant someone I could do stuff with! Like gardening, or eating, or watching TV.  
VRISKA: Hell, my lusus never did ANYTHING!  
VRISKA: Anything except lecture me, and 8oss me around, and when I diso8eyed her, she would, um,  
VRISKA: Actually let’s not talk a8out that!  
JADE: i can kinda relate!  
JADE: well actually grandpa was dead so he doesnt totally count  
JADE: or actually count at all  
JADE: but i grew up alone on my island and never really understood that people could totally connect like that!  
VRISKA: Didn’t you have your freaky First Guardian lusus though? He seemed pretty cool, right?  
JADE: oh i mean before jade showed up  
JADE: i mean! before i showed-  
JADE: i  
JADE: i dont know what im talking about actually :(  
JADE: but bec wasnt all that great though  
JADE: im sorry its just  
JADE: can we have this talk on a better day than this  
JADE: this isnt a discussion im in the mood to have  
VRISKA: No, I get it. There’s a lot I’m not ready to talk a8out myself.  
JADE: .....  
VRISKA: ........  
JADE: so thats that then huh  
JADE: when this all gets handed in ill just  
JADE: be your mom?  
JADE: i mean i guess i get what you mean about this all being kind of selfish  
JADE: not to mention pretty rushed!  
JADE: but well figure it all out as time goes on alright?  
JADE: i promise everything will be just fine  
VRISKA: Honestly, don’t worry a8out it!  
VRISKA: You seem to have your mind set on this and I...  
VRISKA: Well, that’s just the thing! I can’t make up my mind over how to feel a8out any of this!  
VRISKA: So I think the smart thing to do is to follow your lead on this one and assume that of the two of us, you’re the one with a 8etter idea of what we’re doing.  
JADE: hehehe  
JADE: sure i guess you could put it that way  
VRISKA: I mean, compared to me you do!  
VRISKA: To me, it’s 8een less than half a week since you 8eat Jack! Imagine how far out of the loop I am!  
JADE: wow yeah thats true isnt it  
JADE: god i  
JADE: i mean im not having second thoughts or anything its just  
JADE: this is a lot!  
VRISKA: That’s what I’ve 8een trying to say!  
VRISKA: 8uuuuuuuut,  
VRISKA: I think I just need to stop 8eing a 8itch for two seconds and actually think a8out this. Like Rose said: there isn’t really a way around this!  
VRISKA: So may8e we should just take this a day at a time and see where it all goes?

Jade smiles slightly. Certainly not as wide as She had many times throughout the day, but no doubt equally as sincerely.

JADE: yeah!  
JADE: like rose said this is supposed to be the best outcome for both of us  
JADE: and im gonna do everything in my power to prove her right!!!!!!

You smile right back at Her. Today is a really, really good day, you think. You don’t think there’s ever been a time in your life before now where you could say that.

JADE: should we have lunch now? its been a pretty busy morning!  
VRISKA: Wow, this is your idea of 8usy?  
JADE: well after how intense the last few days have been yeah im exhausted!!!!  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: You know what? I agree.

You shoot up to your feet.

VRISKA: What should I make?  
JADE: what are you talking about?  
JADE: why would you be making lunch youre a guest in my house and now also my daughter!  
VRISKA: Sure, that’s why I-  
VRISKA: Actually, you know what? Never mind.  
JADE: ‘,:/  
JADE: alright ill be back in just a second then!  
JADE: make yourself at home in the meantime!  
VRISKA: That’s what I’ve 8een doing, though...?  
JADE: oh huh really?  
JADE: you always look really reluctant to do much of anything!  
JADE: you didnt even eat anything from the garden earlier when i said you could :(  
VRISKA: Uh yeah, I keep track of what I’ve 8een doing.  
VRISKA: You don’t need to remind me of something I myself did very deli8er8tely only a couple of hours ago!  
VRISKA: This is my hive now, and you’re in charge here, so O8VIOUSLY I’m not going to step out of line anytime soon!  
JADE: ok um  
JADE: i think ultimately you have a ton of issues about personal boundaries were going to have to unpack eventually but lets go through this one thing at a time  
JADE: when i say make yourself at home  
JADE: it means just do whatever you want!  
VRISKA: Is this one of those 8ullshit Earth human “ironies” where what you say is the opposite of what you actually mean?  
JADE: ok i dont know how to look at all the  
JADE: REALLY CONCERNING ramifications of what youre trying to say here  
JADE: but first off i just want to set a ground rule that when they were your age dave and rose didnt really know what irony actually was?  
JADE: and talking to them about stuff like this has always been super frustrating!  
JADE: so me and dave agreed that when we talked we would always be 100% honest with our feelings!  
VRISKA: When you talked, huh.  
VRISKA: Kind of a weird thing to specify a8out a guy you actually married.  
JADE: oh no its not like that at all!!!!  
JADE: we just knew each other so well that we didnt need to really  
JADE: say  
JADE: what  
JADE: we  
JADE: were thinking  
JADE: that..... often  
JADE: .......  
JADE: ill go make lunch now  
JADE: feel free to do whatever you want though

She stands up and shuffles out of the room, clearly very deep in thought. You wait a second, thinking over what it is you’d like to do. You think...  
You think you wanna just lie down for a bit. After all, you’re gonna be stuck here for who knows how long. Until time bullshit busts your ass out of this stupid black hole, you guess. Still figuring that one out.  
You stand up from your chair, straighten out your dress, and leave the room. The television’s still playing the wizard thing in the background on your way out.  
The house is small, as you saw last night, which really rubs you the wrong way. Dave and Jade are gods, right? So why this shitty little hive? God, even your old place was bigger than this, and it SUCKED!  
You walk up the stairs, back into your bedroom, and jump onto the room’s eponymous furniture piece, back first. There, on the table beside you, are your shitty broken glasses, reflecting the sun’s rays shining through the window onto the ceiling. The reflection assumes the form of a hundred speckles of light and shadow, into strange, alien constellations of black and white, with one massive divide - a crack among the stars.  
Two skies, a world apart. A schism between them, claiming anyone foolish enough to deem themselves worthy of being involved in a fight as epic in scope and as violent in nature as that of the Lord and the Muse, but you heeded the call regardless. She didn’t. You insisted that she didn’t and now...

Now...

God. Fuck.

Links tethering reality together have come undone, and the link where martyrdom met ambition was perhaps the weakest of all. You clung to it (more firmly than you’d clung to anything else, be it your friends or a quiet godhood or, well, *her*), and when it fell away from the rest of Paradox Space, you fell with it. After all the time you’d suffered in the belly of the beast, a violent regurgitation was the only relief allotted to you.  
What are you being punished for, you wonder? What force led to your dreams of redemption by combat, first with Jack, and then with Lord English, to present such unfavorable outcomes? Shouldn’t those moments be the ones where the universe rewards you? What’s the damn point to any of this????????  
Take a hint, Vriska, you stupid bitch. You’re irredeemable. Worse than worthless. These huge hero moments are your first real chances to feel fucking GOOD about yourself, but every time they happen they land just out of reach, and chasing them only leaves you worse off than you were before. And now everyone’s just *poring* over your every need, treating you like a fucking princess while the writing’s there on the wall: you’re a piece of garbage and a waste of everyone’s time! Stop dragging down everyone else down with you, Vriska, if you’re even still worthy of being called that. Do Rose and Jade and all the others a-

No. No, shut up. Just shut up! First off, your name is Vriska and it always will be, and that’s that!!!!!!!!  
Second: you’re dealing with some heavy stuff, and life is just different now. Not worse, just different. Stop acting like giving up is going to fix everything, anyway. Besides, Jade’s already freaked out that Dave and John and Davesprite and Her ancestor came to that same conclusion.  
And even if you wanted to, you’re too much of a coward to actu

FUCK OFF! Holy fucking shit, where’s this depressive spiral coming from all of a sudden???????? You were having an amazing morning today! Maybe the rest of your life can be equally amazing? Yeah, it just might be! And all you’ve gotta do is put that old life behind you, move on, and live in this genuinely beautiful world one day at a time. And how are you gonna do that if you’re *dead*, genius?  
Yeah, who’s the stupid bitch now?  
Still you. This is all just your thoughts.  
You sit up, and wipe the-  
YOU DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITH YOUR PERFECTLY FINE EYES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, and sit up again. It doesn’t feel good to just lay about and not do anything right now, you don’t think. Besides, don't you want to explore this place? Well then, why not do just that?  
You stand up slowly - you don’t know why you make a point of doing it slowly, but it feels like you should - and look around equally as slowly. Cautiously. You feel like something’s watching you, like when your lusus used to try to read your mind, but it feels different. Like the creeping sensation is coming from within your own head. Dave called it “spidey senses”, and seemed really proud of himself for it, for some weird reason. Rose called it “barely disguised anxiety”, and honestly, she can go fuck herself. Terezi, Karkat, and Kanaya knew you well enough not to call it anything. Aloud, at least.  
There, on the opposite side of the room, is a door you didn’t notice before. You feel almost haunted by its presence. It’s a totally unremarkable door, not the slightest bit out of place with the rest of the room, but when you go up to it, you’re trembling and hesitant. Your hand looms over the doorknob for a second, and then you lower it. The door emits an aura of hostility, like the trepidation of a lusus sensitive to the upper-midblood sludge coursing through your veins. Coursing through them far faster than normal now, with the rate at which your heart is racing. You scrunch your face up, and with a jolt of determination, wrap your fingers around the knob. You grit your teeth, and then, you take one

Deep

Breath.

Your fingers slide off the brass sphere and back down to your side. You huff. This door is *evil*, you insist to yourself, and you’re going to forget it ever existed. When you leave the room and go back down the stairs, you make sure not to turn your back on it. Of course, you slip on the top step, and you have to right yourself midair to keep your already probably beaten-up skull from smashing on the bottom step, it-keeps-happening style, and the universe laughing the word “JUST” up in your face.  
You take deep breaths at the base of the stairs. Not even counting by eights this time, just relaxing. Just calming down and not worrying about death or anything, alright? There's so much you're trying to take in today, no wonder your emotions are all over the place! So, let's just take a moment to calm down. Alright? Think you can do that? Awesome.  
You relax your body up, letting your shoulders fall and stretching your neck from side to side. Your jaw hangs ajar behind closed lips, and that alone eases the tension in your head.

JADE: VRISKA LUNCH IS READY!!!!!!!

Oh. Oh, right! Of course! You’d almost forgotten about that. You bolt into the kitchen again. Jade has a sandwich on a plate for you. The smashed plate looks like it’s been cleaned up.

JADE: please dont run in the house you might bump into something again and hurt yourself!  
VRISKA: Sorry!

You back off.

JADE: this sandwich is for you by the way! i dont know what you like to eat so its pretty basic

Oh, um... okay? You figured as much, but for Her to still give it to you after telling you off... Well, sure, you suppose discipline here need not be as strict as on Alternia, but...  
Okay. You’re not going to look a gift hoofbeast in the mouth. You take the damn sandwich and sit at the table. Same seat as last time, because you may as well establish some form of order in this uncomfortably nonsensical new life of yours.

VRISKA: Thanks.  
VRISKA: You’re really taking a lot more care of me than I think you have the responsi8ility to, and I just wanna let you know it’s not going unappreci8ted.  
VRISKA: Certainly a lot more care than I deserve, at any r8.  
JADE: i disagree!  
JADE: i think if you get to grow up feeling loved and cared for then thats gonna be good for you and good for everyone around you!  
JADE: and i wont stand for anyone saying otherwise!!! especially not you!!!!!

Maybe She has a point. After all, She’s far older and wiser than you. You don’t understand adulthood that well, but it’s probably changed Her a lot.  
How many adults have you actually *met* in your life? Like, six? Wow. And how many have you actually been around for more than, like, twenty minutes at a time? Jade’s only the second, now that you think about it. Hm! Kind of a weird coincidence that they’re both First Gua-

JADE: vriska?  
VRISKA: Huh?  
JADE: oh i just asked if you felt like you were settling in alright  
VRISKA: Sure, I guess.  
VRISKA: I mean, yeah, gr8 hive and all!  
VRISKA: 8ut o8viously it’s not home to me just yet.  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: Actually, adjacent topic 8ecause this was kinda freaking me out a little.  
VRISKA: What’s with that door on the left side of the 8edroom?  
JADE: oh that!  
JADE: thats daves old studio  
JADE: ive never been in there he said he wanted a place to himself  
VRISKA: Hold on.  
VRISKA: Dave had an ENTIRE ROOM that he for88de you from going in.  
VRISKA: Let me just make sure I have that right.  
JADE: yeah thats right  
JADE: is there something wrong with that  
VRISKA: Do I need to answer that????????  
VRISKA: This is your hive! Can he really just restrict you from entering an entire room?  
JADE: um.......  
JADE: im not a big fan of the tone that this conversation is suddenly developing!  
JADE: i know it might not sound like it but dave really cared about me  
JADE: and i really cared about him  
JADE: and  
JADE: its pretty upsetting for you to come into my life the moment he dies and get me to question everything about our relationship  
VRISKA: Yeah, okay.  
VRISKA: My 8ad! Totally uncalled for on my part. I really can 8e so thoughtless a8out other people’s feelings sometimes, huh?  
JADE: no no honestly its fine dont beat yourself up about it!  
JADE: just be more considerate next time ok?  
VRISKA: Yeah, I get it. It’s fine. Honestly! I’ve treated myself way worse than this 8efore.  
JADE: thats not a good thing  
VRISKA: Sure, I guess not!  
VRISKA: 8ut it’s a work in progress, and that’s what’s important!  
JADE: umm sure ok thats good enough for me i guess!  
JADE: ......  
JADE: youre totally gonna go into his studio right  
VRISKA: Hey, how a8out I do my own thing in my own time and you just leave me to it? Does that sound good?  
JADE: vriska look im trying to make you feel as welcome as possible here but  
JADE: please just  
JADE: dont go in there  
VRISKA: Why? What’s in there that’s so valua8le it’s worth keeping sealed away until the end of time?  
JADE: i dont-  
VRISKA: Exactly! You don’t fucking know! Aren’t you the least 8it excited to find out? Or are you scared it’s gonna throw your entire view of Dave into question?  
VRISKA: Don’t answer that.  
VRISKA: You wanna keep living this lie? Fine. Don’t let me stop you.  
VRISKA: As long as you don’t try and stop me from doing the opposite. Okay?

She knits Her brow, struggling to come up with a response. She actually looks pretty fucking offended by what you’re suggesting? You can’t imagine why, though. After all, what you’re proposing is in the best interests of both of you, surely! You take a couple bites out of the sandwich and stand up.

VRISKA: One way or another, though, I don’t think you’re in the right to stop me from going in there, do you?  
VRISKA: Whatever. Think it over. 8ut you can’t just leave a mystery this 8ig in your own hive and not at least 8e a little curious!

You’re refreshed with the resolve to find out what’s going on here. You take another couple bites from the sandwich. Jade meets your eye for a second, Her mouth hanging open in confusion and concern, but no words escape. You turn and leave, marching back up to the bedroom. You climb those stairs as forcefully as you can in this ridiculously soft outfit and stare at the door.

It’s just...

Fuck. It’s just a door. It’s not that big of a deal, right? You fought Lord Fucking English, and he wasn’t even scary? Why is a door to a private room belonging to a pretty chill - and not even that interesting - dude like Dave so... ominous?

JADE: wait!!!!!!!!!

You look down the stairs. Jade, looking uncharacteristically panicked, floats up the stairs and lands by your side.

JADE: i think you were right  
VRISKA: What else is new?  
JADE: please vriska be serious for two seconds here  
JADE: i have the right to wonder whats going on under my own roof especially since im the only one paying the bills around here anymore!  
JADE: so  
JADE: if youre ready to open that door so am i  
VRISKA: Works for me!

You practically leap over to the door, grasping the knob so tight your knuckles go white. Time for some fucking answers!  
You push the door open, step inside and discover that the room is exactly that - a studio. You don’t know what you were expecting. Certainly something more earth-shattering than this. Seriously, this place is boring as hell! There’s just a desk, a drawing table, and basically nothing else! Not even his stupid fucking turntables or anything!

JADE: i dont  
JADE: what  
JADE: what am i looking at?????  
VRISKA: The place looks like a super normal room. What gives?  
VRISKA: You’re not gonna make like John and start freaking out over a normal-ass room, right?  
JADE: ...  
JADE: what  
JADE: when did that happen?  
VRISKA: Don’t worry. It’s not important.  
VRISKA: Gotta say though: pretty fucking underwhelmed 8y all this!!!!!!!!  
JADE: whats in the desk  
VRISKA: Pro8a8ly something dum8. Like may8e copies of his inane comic or something.

You pull the desk drawer open.

VRISKA: Haha, I fucking called it!  
VRISKA: Sketches of ideas for more of his lame unfunny gar8age!  
JADE: thats a really mean way of putting it  
JADE: even though hed laugh and agree with you i still think thats pretty disrespectful! especially now that-  
VRISKA: Yeah, yeah. I get it. I...  
VRISKA: W8. What did you say the d8 was again?

She tells you.

VRISKA: Oh, wow. This is fresh stuff, then! The l8est one is only nine days old!  
VRISKA: I wonder if they actually start getting funny at some point!  
JADE: no thats  
JADE: thats not possible  
JADE: he stopped making sbahj 16 years ago  
VRISKA: That’s weird.  
VRISKA: Sixteen years, that’s when these comics *start*!  
VRISKA: The earliest one has the guy with the sandy hair...  
VRISKA: Oh.  
VRISKA: Oh god, that’s-  
JADE: no no vriska he stopped writing them when dirk cut his own head off  
VRISKA: Yeah, decapit8tion seems to 8e what’s going on in this strip.  
VRISKA: Who knew Dave could draw so realistically...?

She snatches the page out of your hands and stares at it in terror.

JADE: ...  
JADE: what the fuck!!!!  
VRISKA: Tell me a8out it! After that he just never shows up in another comic ever again!  
VRISKA: Then over the years it starts delving into more and more complex, heavy issues! Torture. Drug addiction. Gore. Child a8use. Is this a joke? Is this his old irony 8ullshit again????????  
JADE: i  
JADE: i dont know!!!  
JADE: i dont know and that really scares me!!!!!!  
JADE: he said he always drew from his subconscious  
JADE: was this  
JADE: was this all locked away in there somewhere????  
JADE: why didnt he tell me!!!!!  
JADE: he should have said something!!!!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: May8e this was cathartic for him.  
VRISKA: May8e he didn’t even know he was drawing any of this, like the writing on John’s or Rose’s walls.  
VRISKA: Or... mine, for that matter.  
VRISKA: After all, they were em8edded in our su8conscious in much the same way that this was in Dave’s!  
JADE: .....  
JADE: that makes a lot of sense  
JADE: but it doesnt make any of this less scary......  
JADE: show me the last one

You look at the last one.

VRISKA: No.  
JADE: what???  
VRISKA: No, as in no, I’m not gonna show it to you.  
VRISKA: You can thank me l8r.  
JADE: what are you trying to do  
JADE: protect me from the truth?????  
JADE: like how i tried to stop you from coming in here in the first place????  
JADE: dont be so hypocritical vriska just let me see!

She reaches out to grab it, but you hold it as far away from Her as you can. The space around you curves, and you unwittingly place the sheet right in the palm of Her hand. She snatches it away from you and stares at it.  
The single most inexpressibly violent, dark page of all.  
You yourself can’t bear to look at it for too long, but Jade, on the other hand, Jade can’t look away! Her eyes and mouth are open wider than you’d seen thus far, and it takes Her a second to actually pull away, hurriedly stand up, and shove Her hands back in Her pockets. When She speaks, Her voice is so dry and cold that you can’t tell if She’s shocked or furious. You doubt She can either.

JADE: he knew  
JADE: somehow he fucking knew!!!!  
JADE: how did he know that he was gonna die!  
JADE: and why the fuck didnt he tell me anything??????  
VRISKA: I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset you! It was pro8a8ly just shoved so far up his su8conscious that he didn’t even know that he knew!  
JADE: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
JADE: he never told me ANYTHING!!!!!  
JADE: and he specifically told me not to come in here which means he KNEW he was making these which means he KNEW he had fucking problems!!!!!!!!!  
JADE: AND HE NEVER TOLD ME!!!!!!!!!!!! HE NEVER REACHED OUT FOR HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! AS IF HED RATHER DIE THAN TALK TO ME ABOUT HIS ISSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You back up into a corner of the room. You decide you reeeeeeeeally don’t like when Jade yells. She looks up at you in a volatile concoction brewed from equal parts anger, confusion, pain, and... regret?  
Then, the world shifts and you find yourself back in the living room. From directly up above, you hear snarling and growling and wood being smashed and paper being torn.  
This feeling is familiar to you. This feeling of being only a matter of seconds away from facing the wrath of your custodian every waking moment of the day. Nothing changed. You never escaped, not really. You just lost your closest friends and raised the stakes.  
You’ve cried a lot today. More than you have in several sweeps. But right now, you can’t. You feel so completely defeated that you can hardly move, hardly breathe.  
You glance over at the forms you filled out not too long ago. She seemed... so nice when you filled these out together. You never knew She had such a devastating capacity for anger. You thank your lucky stars, dead though the universe which housed them may be, that you haven’t incurred it yet.  
Maybe She doesn’t mean to make you feel such complicated feelings, though? After all, She said She wanted to look after you. To ensure you have a happy remainder of your upbringing. Maybe She does actually want that, but She just doesn’t know how to give it to you yet. Maybe you need to figure it out together. Maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe!!!!!!!!

You spend the next half an hour trying to figure out what’s really going on here. Even now, you can still hear Her breaking shit every now and then and crying to Herself.  
Someone knocks at the door. Now who could that be? You push yourself up from your armchair and wander across the room and out into the hall. You open the front door, and-

VRISKA: Rose?  
ROSE: Forgive me for arriving early - an entire hour early, in fact - but I’d somehow forgotten that my wife and I would be playing chauffeur to my daughter tonight.  
ROSE: Bring the forms with you, and we can fill them out in the car.  
VRISKA: Oh, don’t even worry a8out it. They’re all filled out and everything.  
ROSE: Oh, even better.  
ROSE: May I come in?

You escort her indoors and into the living room. She grabs the pile of forms on the table, shakes them into one neat rectangular block, and tilts her head to one side. But she pauses and frowns upon hearing the ruckus upstairs. She nods, not dropping the frown, and leaves the room. You follow her out into the hall, and out the front door.

ROSE: (Go grab your shoes quickly.)  
VRISKA: (What?)  
ROSE: (You’re not wearing them. Hurry back in and grab them, and you can put them on in the car.)  
VRISKA: (Oh- Oh!)

You do as she says before asking why you even need them. You should have asked, you realize, but by the time you do you’re already back in the bathroom, picking them up off the floor. Come to think of it, the times you’ve questioned Rose about anything are shockingly few and far between. But that’s kind of the cool thing about Rose: it’s not that you’re scared of her or anything, she just tends to be right about almost anything. More so than you do, anyway, and that’s certainly saying something!

VRISKA: (Alright. So, what’s going on?)  
ROSE: (I’ll explain in the car.)

She gestures over her shoulder to a very ordinary-looking vehicle designed for the transportation of an Earth human nuclear family. It’s white, interestingly enough, which you put down to Rose and Kanaya not being able to agree on a color. Speaking of, you see her in the front seat. Wow, she’s actually kind of aged amazingly? Fucking rainbow drinkers, you guess. Rose climbs into the front seat while you wave to her wife, and you, into the back seat with...

VRISKA II: Sup.  
VRISKA: Hey.  
KANAYA: My Goodness Vriska What Are You Wearing  
VRISKA: It’s called “Fashion”, alright?  
KANAYA: Im Sure Its Called Many Things But I Am Casting Great Swathes Of Doubt Upon The Idea That Fashion Is One Of Them  
ROSE: Kanaya, would you mind not dunking on our daughter’s ancestor for a moment? There’s something we all need to discuss first.

Rose leans over her seat to look at you.

ROSE: Vriska, are you...  
ROSE: Comfortable around Jade? She sounded intolerably furious just now.  
ROSE: What I’m asking is, do you think you’re safe staying with her?  
ROSE: As in actually, truly secure? You don’t feel as if she might neglect you, or attack you, or abuse you in any other way?  
VRISKA: Sure. I’m fine with it.  
KANAYA: If You Feel Even The Slightest Degree Of Harm Might Befall You In Her Care  
KANAYA: We Need You To Be Completely Sincere And Say So Now  
ROSE: If you need a moment to think about it, take it. We did arrive early, after all.

You take a deep breath and do exactly that.

VRISKA: I’m not entirely sure.  
VRISKA: Like, today’s 8een really sh8ky, 8ut I’m gonna give Her the 8enefit of the dou8t and assume it’s 8ecause She’s torn up over Dave dying, and all the fallout pertaining to that total mess of a situ8tion right now.  
VRISKA: I think realistically, that’s what’s going on here!  
VRISKA: 8esides, even now She’s not exactly gonna hit me or starve me or punish me for anything I do in any way like that.

You want to add, “like She should”, but this is neither the time nor the place.

ROSE: I see.  
ROSE: So there’s absolutely nothing for me to be worried about if you continue to stay in her care?  
VRISKA: What am I supposed to say? That Rose Lalonde isn’t going to find anything to worry a8out in any given scenario?

She sighs and rolls her eyes.

ROSE: Vriska, please. This is incredibly important, alright? And I’d like you to treat it with the gravity it deserves.  
VRISKA: Alright, sure. It’s all good. We’re getting along really well, despite Her distress at... recent events.

Rose resumes her forward-facing position and leans back in her chair. She forms a claw with each hand and runs them through her hair. Another sigh, far more relieved than exasperated, escapes her lips.

Rose: Thank fuck.

She wastes no further time in passing the papers to her unsuspecting daughter, who fumbles with them for a moment before placing them in her lap like everything’s fine. Classic Serket move, really. You feel really proud to finally have a biological descendant who isn’t a major piece of shit.

ROSE: I suppose I shouldn’t skirt around the reason I asked you to get in the car any longer, by the way.  
ROSE: Actually, Vriska,  
ROSE: - My Vriska -  
ROSE: Would you mind?  
VRISKA II: Oh yeah, sure.  
VRISKA II: Harry turned sixteen a couple days ago and his party’s tonight. He thought you were really cool, too, so he was wondering if you’d show up?  
VRISKA II: And I thought, well, it might do you well to Actually See some fuc-  
ROSE: Language.  
VRISKA II: Some Familiar Faces for once. You know, instead of a girl I heard you knocked out a few times and never talked to?  
VRISKA: You know what?  
VRISKA: When you put it that way, yeah! I’d love to come!  
VRISKA II: Awesome! Trust me, it’s gonna 8e so cool.

The car roars to life, Kanaya clinging to the steering wheel with a degree of elegance and finesse totally unnecessary for altering the direction of travel of the world’s most average car, and one you’d call “totally unprecedented” were you to see it come from anyone who isn’t Kanaya Maryam.  
The car reaches its first destination - some government building whose name you can’t read without your glasses - and Vriska unfastens her seatbelt and bursts out of the car before it so much as dreams of parking. She makes it back, sans the documents she was sent to deliver of course, and climbs back in with yet more time to spare before the vehicle comes to a standstill. Rose scolds her for it - gently but firmly - but you don’t listen to that conversation. You’re pretty much content just gazing out the window up at the sky. The blue sky, with the fucking sun in it! Wow. You can still hardly believe it. Wait, hang on.

VRISKA: Is it just me, or does the sun look kinda like the Light sym8ol?

Your descendant snickers. Rose chuckles. Kanaya glares at her wife out of the corner of her eye.

KANAYA: Yes Vriska Unless Im Very Much Mistaken The Sun Is In Fact What It Is Based On  
KANAYA: In Fact I Think My First Thought Upon Seeing Your God Tier Outfit  
KANAYA: Which Might I Add Was Far Less Of An Affront To The Mere Concept Of Fashion Than Your Current Getup  
KANAYA: Was Something Along The Lines Of  
KANAYA: Oh My Its The Fucking Sun

You nod and go back to staring out the window. That’s as good an answer as you were really expecting. And it was kind of a dumb question in the first place. You knew you were going to get a response like this.

⁂

The rest of the drive is an hour and twenty minutes as uneventful as any given eighty minutes from your meteor’s voyage had been. Well, except for that time you broke Gamzee’s wrist. That was pretty intense. But you don’t really want to think about that right now? It was a pretty upsetting hour and twenty minutes.  
The car pulls up in a small town populated by salamanders dressed in suits and ties and dresses and jackets and a whole bunch of other articles of clothing in unmistakably middle American styles. Directly in the middle of town is an exact 1:1 replica of John’s old house. Following the lead of the other three you climb out of the car.  
You don’t think you’ve ever been less surprised by anything John’s done before now.

[VRISKA II]: I know, right? How fucking l8me do you even have to 8E?  
[VRISKA]: W8, what?  
[VRISKA II]: Oh, now you finally answer. Dude, I’ve 8een incessantly giving you a telepathic tap on the shoulder to get your attention! I thought your Co8alt Mind Powers must have been 8roken or something!  
[VRISKA]: What? No, I just didn’t know that this was like, a thing we could do.  
[VRISKA II]: Oh, it totally is.

ROSE: Alright, so the plan is for me to come back at around eleven and pick you two up.  
ROSE: Six hours should be more than sufficient for whatever Serketian mayhem you two have up your sleeves to be unleashed upon this poor young man and his unsuspecting cousin’s life.  
VRISKA II: Sounds good. See ya then, moms.  
KANAYA: Oh Ha Ha Ha Ha  
KANAYA: Im Glad I Raised You Well Enough To Be This Outrageously Funny Vriska Darling But Im Afraid We Arent Leaving Just Yet  
VRISKA II: W8, what?  
KANAYA: Arms Out  
VRISKA II: Ugh, F8NE.

She holds her arms out to her sides, and Kanaya begins patting her down. You turn to Rose.

VRISKA: What’s going on here?  
ROSE: Your descendant has a habit - or maybe a talent, if it had any constructive potential - of sneaking my human soporifics into parties.  
ROSE: It’s practically an old Lalonde family curse at this point, but that doesn’t make watching my daughter go through it any less upsetting.  
VRISKA: I didn’t know you still touched the stuff. I thought I 8eat that out of you!  
ROSE: Yes, and every now and then I find myself wishing that had worked.  
ROSE: Keep your chin up, though. It’s not your fault that I fell back into old habits in your absence.  
ROSE: Did you check her sylladex too, dear?  
KANAYA: Yes I Did  
KANAYA: Shes Clean  
KANAYA: By Which I Mean She Is Not Carrying Any Forbidden Substances On Her Person  
KANAYA: But Really She Isnt Literally Clean Obviously  
KANAYA: A Serket Is A Serket Regardless Of Name  
VRISKA: Hey! We Serkets t8ke gr8 pride in our no8le way of life, and-  
VRISKA II: ...and you’ve still got Gamzee’s 8lood all over your shoes.  
VRISKA: Oh, give me 8r8k! Today I even discovered “washing hair”. What more do you want from me?  
KANAYA: With All Due Respect Vriska  
KANAYA: Which Im Not Sure Is Very Much At All  
KANAYA: You Are Not Helping Your Case As Much As You Think You Are  
KANAYA: Now If You Dont Mind My Beautiful Wife And I Are Leaving Before This Conversation Grows An Iota More Ridiculous Than It Currently Is

Rose giggles at the compliment. The four of you offer each other your farewells, Rose salutes you once more, and the other Vriska’s mothers climb back into their car and drive off. The air is cool, the breeze is soft, and the sun hangs low in the sky. So this is it, you think to yourself. This is fucking Earth.  
The man of the hour himself, Harry Anderson Egbert, leans on the door frame of the front door to his father’s tacky, nostalgia-poisoned house.

HARRY: hey guys! oh my god im so glad you could both make it!  
HARRY: dad started talking about how i have it “so easy” not having to spend my sixteenth birthday watching all my friends get gruesomely murdered.  
HARRY: now that vriska’s here  
HARRY: wait  
HARRY: shit.  
HARRY: how the fuck am i supposed to say which is which without like  
HARRY: um...  
HARRY: saying your full names, i guess?  
VRISKA: Well, first off, I chose the name “Vriska” so I 8asically get di8s on it. Right?  
VRISKA II: Uh, that seems reasonable, I guess?  
VRISKA II: Did trolls on Alternia choose their own names?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. She didn’t know???????? And you just dropped the dead giveaway! Wait, but wouldn't she be...?

VRISKA: Um, sure!  
VRISKA II: Alright, fine. Harry?  
HARRY: oh god.  
HARRY: i’m not going to have to choose a new name for you or something, am i?  
VRISKA II: You couldn’t 8e less correct, actually. Because that’s exactly what I was just a8out to ask you to do.  
HARRY: um...  
HARRY: vris?  
VRISKA II: Yep, that works.

Harry sighs with relief. You laugh at the couple's antics.

VRISKA: You two are really cute together, you know?

They both blush and look away bashfully, like a couple of total weenies.

HARRY: uh, thanks.  
HARRY: you guys wanna come in?

He ushers you in through the front door, and John’s house looks the same as fucking ever, minus all the god-awful harlequins lying around. Instead, John’s put up little framed photos of himself and his son. Aww, how sweet.  
Standing around in the living room is the grand trinity of lame dorks: John Egbert, the supreme champion of ending up washed up and dull; Jake English, who’s become a total hunk for some reason? But still looks as unbearably oafish as ever; and some scrawny little bitch who looks like a terrible remake of teen John. The original was just fine!  
John’s face lights up the moment he sees you.

JOHN: (vriska)?  
VRISKA: What? You saw me, like, two days ago.  
JOHN: i know, it’s just the doctors didn’t seem so sure that you were gonna make it, and i’m always so far out of the loop these days, and you look so different, and you’re part of my family now, and-

He approaches you, arms outstretched for a hug, while everyone else looks on in any one of a myriad of emotions derived from awe, confusion, and bemusement. When he gets too close, you grab his stupid ass by the collar (his neck, that is, not his ass) and throw him over your shoulder. He dissipates a moment before striking the wall and reforms, amazed and mortified, in front of you again.

JOHN: oh right.  
JOHN: i forgot that, like, the first adult you ever met forced you to kiss him two days ago.

Everyone bar you and him seem to lose interest and opt to strike up conversations with one another. You’re glad, at least, that you were the center of attention for that sick move you just pulled off.

VRISKA: Well,  
VRISKA: That’s not entirely true.  
VRISKA: 8ut I think it’s worth 8earing in mind that I’m sick to dou8le de8th of the over8earing welcomes of “kindly human uncle figures”.  
JOHN: um...  
JOHN: i have no idea what you’re talking about, but it sounds like you have major issues with me acting like that.  
JOHN: so i guess i won’t do that!  
VRISKA: Dude.  
VRISKA: The issues are, like, so major.  
JOHN: soooooooo major.

You laugh and give him what he seems to take as an ALARMINGLY FIRM pat on the back. This guy gets it! This guy always gets it! The second you turn away, though, Jake grabs your hand and shakes it furiously.

JAKE: Snakes a fucking live it really is you!  
JAKE: Goodness vriska everyone thought you were dead!  
JAKE: Not me though! I always held out hope that youd make it back in one piece like the proper action heroine you are.  
JAKE: And you know what they say about hoping for something hard enough!

Something had enough? Oh! Hard enough. You forgot about his weird speech impediment.

JAKE: And look at you! Youre a dashing young woman with a who knows how long tale of epic adventure under your belt the classic serket je ne sais quoi in your eye and all the chutzpah in the world! Whats more you dont look a day older than our last encounter!  
VRISKA: Two days, actually.  
JAKE: Um,  
JAKE: Come again?  
VRISKA: It’s 8een two days since I sent you off to fight that motley gang of heat-packing morons.  
VRISKA: Two days from my perspective, at least.

He takes a second to process this, and when he does, he goes as pale as his stuffed counterpart in your adoptive mother’s childhood home. He pulls his hands away from yours as if you were a stovetop.

JAKE: Um.  
JAKE: Right.  
JAKE: Jolly good i suppose! To each their own.  
VRISKA: ...Their own chronology?  
JAKE: Precisely!  
JAKE: Not that I ever really jived with any of that time malarkey of course although i certainly like to think ive picked up on the more pedestrian lingo of the matter!  
JAKE: Goodness me may i say it is SO FRIGGIN EXCITING to finally have the mademoiselle herself back in action.  
JAKE: I never really got the chance to thank you for pitting me against that feisty cabal of foul little green men. Did wonders for my self confidence as a matter of fact!  
VRISKA: You know those were joke characters, right?  
JAKE: Yes of course of course! As obtuse as i have a bugger of a habit of being im not stupid!  
JAKE: But by jove i remember it like it was yesterday.  
JAKE: The fire in my veins! The wind beneath my wings! The air filling my lungs with a REAL taste of adventure for once! Really riveting stuff!  
JAKE: I tell you vriska. In that moment i was running on naught but piss and vinegar and it felt like the world was my oyster! Like i could truly do most anything if i really believed!  
HARRY: uh,  
HARRY: vriska is uncle jake annoying you?  
VRISKA: Yeah? I thought that was kind of o8vious.  
JAKE: Oh.  
JAKE: Very well i shant keep you then.  
JAKE: You all go about your business doing whatever it is you do and ill just let you get on with it.  
VRISKA: Cool. 8ye.

Harry leads you upstairs to a bedroom, where the charming facsimile of you and the tacky facsimile of John are already chilling out in here, sitting on the bed and chatting about cool, normal, mortal things.

VRISKA: Wow, this place looks really different to how I remem8er.  
HARRY: you’ve been here before?  
VRISKA: Nah. 8ut I have seen it a lot!  
VRISKA: I was 8asically the only reason your dad even survived his session, always watching over him and 8ossing him around and stuff.  
VRISKA: I’m also the first non-movie star he ever had a crush on.  
HARRY: COOL THANKS I’M NOT TOTALLY SURE I NEED TO KNOW THIS  
VRISKA II: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my god, Vriska. You’re a riot!  
VRISKA II: By the way! Vriska, this is Tavros. He’s the h8child of Jake and, well,  
VRISKA II: J8ne and Gamzee.  
VRISKA: Yeesh. I can’t tell if I’m sorrier for what an up8ringing you must have had or for your name.  
TAVROS: Wait so,,, are you the same vriska that killed gamzee,  
VRISKA: Yep!  
VRISKA: Sorry, dude. Fuckin’ murdered your dad. You know how it is.

Much to your surprise, the guy actually stands up, hugs you around the waist, and bawls his eyes out.

TAVROS: Oh my god,,, thank you so much,,,  
VRISKA: Oh.  
VRISKA: Fuck.  
VRISKA: Did he name you that?  
TAVROS: Uh,,, i think so?

You hug him right back. Oh god. Oh god!

VRISKA: The moment I got here, he m8de a move on me despite 8eing twice my age.  
VRISKA: Now I find out he had a kid that he named after his childhood crush.  
VRISKA: I’m no expert, 8ut I think I can do the math on this one.

Horror flashes on the faces of the other two. Tavros is barely holding together well enough to prevent a full-on meltdown. Honestly, so are you.

HARRY: tav i thought you said he never...  
TAVROS: Yeah i definitely have been known to say some things, at times,  
TAVROS: Besides i stopped saying that once i started figuring out what was,  
TAVROS: You know,  
TAVROS: Going on,

You end the hug when you feel like he’s stopped freaking out. Truth be told, you’d be fine if he freaked out all night in your arms. You’ve only just met this guy and already you want to do everything in your power to make sure he’s okay. That’s enough for now. Fucking hell! Gamzee is the worst! You think you have every right to say as much.

VRISKA: Gamzee is the worst!!!!!!!!  
TAVROS: I know!!!  
TAVROS: I’m sorry,,, i’m usually a lot cooler than this,

[VRISKA]: W8, like, for real?  
[VRISKA II]: Yeah, dude. Tavros is The Coolest Guy You’ll Ever Fucking Meet.  
[VRISKA]: I find that hard to 8elieve.  
[VRISKA II]: It’s a fact, Vriska. It doesn’t need to 8e believed to 8e true.

TAVROS: Also,,, for some reason i feel like i’m never going to have another harlequin related nightmare,  
TAVROS: Which is of course a major relief,  
VRISKA: Oh, that? That’s his chucklevoodoo. It’s a load of psychic 8ullshit purple8loods used to make lower castes stay in line.  
VRISKA: F8CK!  
VRISKA: That’s how he got me to kiss him!  
HARRY: he got you to wh-  
VRISKA: It’s so o8vious in retrospect!  
VRISKA: Fuck that guy!!!!!!!!  
HARRY: amen.  
VRISKA II: 8men.  
TAVROS: Agreed,  
VRISKA: You know, you guys are actually, like, really cool?  
TAVROS: Yeah we know,  
HARRY: i mean, you’re actually pretty great yourself?  
HARRY: not that i know you super well, but i mean, there’s a reason i invited you here!  
HARRY: damn.  
HARRY: fucking sixteen! I don’t know what i really expected but civil war wasn’t exactly the best present auntie janey could have got me.  
HARRY: man, fuck her too!  
TAVROS: Yeah,  
HARRY: and fuck my dad!  
VRISKA II: Yeah!  
VRISKA: What?  
VRISKA: No, your dad’s fine. What?  
HARRY: hahahaha, oh man!  
HARRY: you have NO IDEA how neurotic he is sometimes!  
HARRY: like oh hey dad can we talk  
HARRY: sure thing harry anderson! i’m your dad, so you can basically tell me anything!  
HARRY: yeah so i’ve been thinking about it and  
HARRY: well,  
HARRY: i’m bisexual-  
HARRY: HAHA OK SON I’M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I’M PROUD OF YOU NO MATTER WHAT  
HARRY: like, yeah! ok! i get it!  
HARRY: maybe i’m not exactly one hundred percent tailor made to your idea of an ideal middle american suburban son!  
HARRY: maybe i’ve gotten off thinking about dudes in the past!  
HARRY: maybe i’m not that interested in, like, fucking studying finance or whatever and becoming a successful businessman!  
HARRY: he says business man by the way.  
HARRY: maybe i don’t reciprocate a lot of your attempts to connect with me because they’re fucking infantilizing, and i’m sixteen years old?!  
HARRY: maybe me wearing a skirt sometimes isn’t me being passive aggressive! Maybe i’m just fucking comfortable with my masculinity and also i look great in it and if that upsets you that’s your problem?!?!  
HARRY: but jesus fucking christ dad i am still your son!  
VRISKA: Oh, wow. Holy shit.  
VRISKA: Sounds like he kind of went off the deep end since I left!  
VRISKA II: No dou8t a8out it. The guy sticks to really outd8ed Upper Middle Heteronormative Fantasies like his life depends on it.  
VRISKA II: If you ask me, he needs to Get Pegged.

You can almost see Harry’s soul leave his body as he winces.

HARRY: noooo... don’t say thaaaat...  
VRISKA II: You know I’m right, though.  
HARRY: that’s the worst paaaart...  
VRISKA: I mean I can rel8. I’m actually really relieved to finally 8e around someone who gets it.  
VRISKA: To the having a frustr8ingly controlling lusus part, I mean. Not the 8it a8out getting pegged.  
VRISKA: Althou-  
HARRY: HEY IS IT COOL IF WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE  
VRISKA: Alright, alright, alright!  
VRISKA: I just wanted to say that she didn’t really approve of my coming out.  
VRISKA: May8e it’s kind of pathetic of me to think this, 8ut I’ve always vaguely hoped that she would have 8een fine with it in a society less horri8ly transpho8ic than Alternia’s?  
VRISKA II: Wait, you’re...  
VRISKA II: W8.  
VRISKA II: What?  
VRISKA: Yeah! Are you...  
VRISKA: Not?  
VRISKA II: No! Of course not!  
VRISKA II: Not that there’s anything wrong with it, o8viously.  
VRISKA: Yeah. Sure.  
TAVROS: I don’t think i ever would have guessed,  
VRISKA: Good!  
VRISKA: You’re not SUPPOSED to guess. Do you have any idea how offensive that is?  
HARRY: yeah tav that one was way out of line.  
TAVROS: Fuck, sorry,  
VRISKA: Nah, it’s fine. I couldn’t give less of a shit.  
VRISKA: Anyway, I digress. It’s a pretty sensitive thing to talk a8out, and I’ve said all I need to now.  
HARRY: wait  
HARRY: hold up.  
HARRY: vriska’s 5000 years behind of pop culture and stuff. that’s kind of weird, right?  
VRISKA II: And kind of cool.  
HARRY: oh yeah its really cool.  
HARRY: but i’m wondering, should we all, like, watch something together?  
HARRY: like a big ol’ welcome to earth party, that also happens to be my birthday!  
TAVROS: Fuck yes,,, i would be so down for that,  
VRISKA II: Hell yeah!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA II: Mom tells me you like John’s movies.  
VRISKA: Yeah, they’re pretty fucking good if I’m honest.  
VRISKA II: Yikes!  
VRISKA II: Aaaaaaaanyway, consider this an attempt at “repairing” your t8ste.  
HARRY: well if we’re all in agreement i’ll be right back with something that doesn’t suck total ass!

Harry leaves the room to you and the other two. Within about ten seconds you can faintly hear him arguing with his dad downstairs.

TAVROS: So,,, how’s aunt jade treating you,,,  
TAVROS: Nary a dull moment i imagine,  
VRISKA: I’m not really sure how to explain it.  
VRISKA: She means well, which is totally unheard of to an Alternian like me.  
VRISKA: 8ut She’s also freaking out a lot over Dave dying.  
VRISKA: I mean, I kind of am too?  
VRISKA: Just a few nights ago I was listening to him talk a8out how excited he was to see Jade again.  
VRISKA: Now he’s dead, and She’s his widow.  
VRISKA II: Man, that is SO fucked up.  
VRISKA: Yeah! It’s majorly fucked up!  
TAVROS: Wow,,,  
TAVROS: Isn’t it a tad weird how we know different sides of the same people?  
TAVROS: You know my parents and all our aunts and uncles from when they were our age,  
VRISKA: When you put it like that, yeah! It is weird!  
VRISKA: Let’s 8e clear, though: it would have 8een weird even if you didn’t say that.

Harry comes back, clearly dejected from his feud with his father.

HARRY: god, why is dad such a bitch sometimes?!  
TAVROS: Probably because one of his best friends died without any warning or explanation a couple of days ago,  
HARRY: ok sure that excuses him *now*, but he’s like this half the damn time!  
HARRY: i thought now that him and mom are friends again it must have meant he’s better now, but a lot of the times i talk to him he’s either too controlling or he just sits back and watches the world go by like it’s one of his stupid old movies!  
HARRY: i mean sure. It’s been a few years and maybe he’s gonna need some time to really connect with me, but...  
HARRY: well, i don’t have really high hopes.  
VRISKA II: Okay, 8ut...?  
HARRY: but?  
VRISKA II: did you get a movie?  
HARRY: oh yeah. it’s an old birthday present from karkat himself apparently? It’s a post-alternian flick inspired by the stuff that came out of universe a.  
HARRY: but you know my dad. not a major fan of stuff that isn’t from universe b.  
VRISKA II: Ha! Funny story, actually.  
VRISKA II: I saw him in the flesh just a couple of d8ys ago.  
TAVROS: What!  
HARRY: seriously? bullshit!  
VRISKA: Oh right. I heard he’s like, a re8el leader or something now?  
VRISKA: I mean, he’s always 8een the leading type 8ut... wow.  
VRISKA: Actually 8eing in a position that involves him talking to people?  
VRISKA II: What do you mean?  
HARRY: karkat vantas is like, universally acclaimed as one of the most inspiring and significant public speakers of the last century!  
VRISKA: Holy fuck, are you serious? A total dwee8 like Karkat?  
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha! He freaked out when we first played our game, 8ecause he was terrified of the idea of 8eing seen!  
VRISKA: You don’t mean to tell me THAT Karkat Vantas is a real hero and outspoken political activist????????  
HARRY: i don’t believe a word of this.  
VRISKA: Yeah, likewise! Karkat used to 8e a massive dork! I had like a million pictures with him in them. I’d show you if I had a computer on me.  
TAVROS: You do,  
VRISKA: No I don’t. Do you see me carrying one around? I’d say I know 8lind people with 8etter powers of o8serv8tion than you, 8ut that’s not even a hyper8ole.  
TAVROS: You’re wearing one of aunt jade’s dresses,  
TAVROS: All of her outfits are computers,  
VRISKA II: Check the pockets.

You stick your hands in the pockets. It feels like there are two halves of a keyboard in here. You tap one of the buttons, and the Bec icon on the chest flares to life. It projects a computer screen into the air.

VRISKA: Holy shit! This is fucking awesome!

You open up Pesterchum - tragically, Trollian doesn’t seem to be installed, but given that Sollux modified your account to be able to communicate with both, you imagine you can log into both.

VRISKA II: What kind of a usern8me is arachnidsGrip?  
VRISKA: A fucking 8adass one, okay?  
VRISKA: Why, what’s yours?  
VRISKA II: My real name, 8ecause I’m not fucking forty.  
VRISKA: Neither am I!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA II: Ok8y, *grandma*.  
VRISKA: I’M LITERALLY THE CLOSEST ANALOGUE OUR SPECIES HAS TO A GRANDMA!  
VRISKA: Ugh. Whatever. Anyway, have this.

A photo hovers in the air before you. It features you, Terezi, Kanaya, Karkat, Rose, Dave, and the Mayor huddled together in a group shot. You smile and laugh under your breath, and narrowly manage to suppress a tear. This photo was only from last week, but it feels like forever ago.  
Technically, it was.

TAVROS: That,  
TAVROS: Is not karkat vantas,  
TAVROS: I refuse to believe he ever looked like that,  
HARRY: oh my god, he looks adorable!  
HARRY: his face is so goddamn weirdly soft and round - do you think it just looks like that without his beard?  
VRISKA II: Who’s that pointy looking 8abe in the red glasses?  
VRISKA: Oh, that’s Terezi. She insisted we t8ke this photo in c8se I ever ended up lost and separ8ted from them all while trying to figure out my way around the Furthest Ring.  
VRISKA: I’m...  
VRISKA: I’m kind of glad that she did, actually. I can tell I’m gonna miss the old meteor crew a lot.  
HARRY: fuck, i can’t imagine how it must feel to lose her.  
HARRY: i mean, i can’t even begin to express how i’d feel if i ever lost vris.  
VRISKA: What? Oh, no, no, it wasn’t like that.  
TAVROS: Really?  
TAVROS: Then why is she making a heart shape with her hands,,,?

What? That can’t be right. You take a closer look, and, no. That is definitely what she’s doing.

VRISKA: Pro8a8ly signalling to Karkat or Dave. They all had a weird three-way thing going.  
VRISKA II: Didn’t you just say she took this photo for you?  
VRISKA: Yeah, she...  
VRISKA: No.  
VRISKA: W8!  
VRISKA: Terezi Pyrope can’t have had a flushed crush for me, that, that, that makes no sense!  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Fuck.  
VRISKA: Fuck! Oh my god!  
VRISKA: What if she went looking for me, and I just wasn’t there? 8ecause I just wasn’t *anywhere*????????  
VRISKA: What if she’s still out there, looking for me????????  
VRISKA: May8e that’s why she left and never came 8ack?!  
VRISKA: 8ecause she’s still looking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
VRISKA: Fuck, I...  
VRISKA: I ruined her life, all 8ecause I didn’t listen to her. She told me not to go!

Your newfound quartet observes a moment of silence in her honor, and you turn the screen off. It’s Harry who breaks this moment.

HARRY: wait!  
HARRY: if she came looking for you that means there’s a way back into the furthest ring, right?  
HARRY: the way i see it that means one of two things:  
HARRY: because time is fake out there right?  
HARRY: so let’s suppose that her hunt for you is basically a sisyphean task. or a fool’s errand. I can’t really remember which idiom is which, but let’s say her search takes forever.  
HARRY: that means in the infinite fullness of fake furthest ring time, someone’s gonna find her and take her somewhere safe.  
HARRY: if not, then that means eventually she’ll find you.  
HARRY: right?  
VRISKA: I.  
VRISKA: I guess?  
VRISKA: I’m not sure how time or space or timelines or anything work out there. Aradia was always the expert on that, 8ut...  
VRISKA: Somehow, I feel like you’re right. Even if there are other possi8le outcomes for her f8 out there, Terezi’s... not the kind of person to sit quietly and accept a sad ending.  
VRISKA: In fact, I’m alive right now 8ecause she rewrote reality and erased my death. She’s actually kind of amazing in every way?  
VRISKA: If you ever meet her, do NOT tell her I said that.  
HARRY: wasn’t planning on it.  
HARRY: anyway, uh, this movie.  
TAVROS: Which one is it,  
HARRY: oh dude it’s a total classic. it’s called...

He takes a deep breath. Here we fucking go.

HARRY: in which a ragtag gang of misfits turned into arrogant pawns for a patently avaricious private military faction unseen as a result of their rejection from society are forced to face an unexpected threat which poses challenges both physical and moral, one takes the narrative lead due his tragic backstory involving his longtime, albeit estranged kismesis, stoking narrative tension with a parallel romantic subplot that leaves him-  
HARRY: fuck, i’m not reading all of this.  
VRISKA: You’re not supposed to.  
VRISKA II: Yeah, mum told me about this.

[VRISKA II]: Just to 8e clear, I call Rose mom and Kanaya mum. Otherwise it’s just way too tricky to differenti8 with two of them.  
[VRISKA]: When you say them aloud, I can hardly hear the difference. They’re 8oth vari8tions on the same alien word.  
[VRISKA II]: Ha! It’s honestly hilarious whenever you say a load of Totally Alien Shit. I don’t know why it’s so funny to me that you make it so o8vious you’re not from Earth.  
[VRISKA]: Trust me, I wish I came from here.

VRISKA: The whole idea of Alternian movies is you say, “Hey, wanna go see a movie?” And you just watch whatever you end up watching! It’s a total gam8le, sure, 8ut it’s pretty good for expanding your tastes.  
HARRY: oh that’s pretty cool i guess.  
HARRY: so earlier when i didn’t tell you what movie we were watching that was, like, totally in the spirit of alternian cinema?  
VRISKA: Pretty much!  
HARRY: oh, alright then. Let me take a few steps back.  
HARRY: who wants to watch this movie?

All of you enthusiastically implore him to play it, and he produces his laptop and loads the disc into it. It’s your standard cheesy action flick with a terrible script saved by brilliant directing. Nothing special, but certainly not bad. Definitely enjoyable.  
When you’re done watching it, Harry orders pizza up to his bedroom. The four of you share a couple of jokes about how wonderfully cheesy the movie was while you eat. Tavros insists you don’t eat pizza with onions on it, though. He says it’s really bad for trolls’ stomach lining. You’re not willing to challenge that claim.

HARRY: you know, one thing i don’t get about that movie,

He muses while chewing on a slice of pizza.

HARRY: why did orfeus want his kismesis back so bad?  
HARRY: like they’re pretty clearly not right for each other!  
VRISKA: Yeah, 8ut sometimes you’ve really gotta m8ke do to fill your concupiscent quadrants.  
VRISKA: If you didn’t, 8ack in the empire, they dragged you a few miles out of your colony and shot you.

Harry and Tavros almost choke on their slices in surprise, but Vris seems pretty unfazed. Come to think of it, you should start calling her “Vris” in your head.

VRISKA: Yeah, they’d 8asically shoot you for anything.  
VRISKA: I was actually going to 8e executed 8y the time I would have 8een old enough to leave Alternia, 8ut that’s a story for another time. Definitely not appropri8 while we’re eating.  
VRIS: Is it something to do with your total 8itch of a lusus? Mum explained her whole deal to me this morning.  
VRISKA: Yeah, I had to feed her a 8unch of children every night!  
VRISKA: Which is why I’m like this!  
TAVROS: Like what,,,  
VRISKA: You ever heard stories a8out me?  
TAVROS: A few,  
VRISKA: They’re all true. Well, except whatever Gamzee told you. Everything he ever said was f8ke as fuck.  
TAVROS: Wow,  
TAVROS: That’s a lot of really awful,,, and also really cool,,, stuff that you did then,  
VRISKA: Yeah, that’s the gist of all of it.  
HARRY: so all that stuff about you mindjacking a guy and telling him to kill a second body you had so you could take over from it?  
VRISKA: Well, this is the second 8ody. 8ut yeah.  
VRISKA: I used his hand to write “KILL ME” on my own fucking forehead and everything.  
VRIS: That’s undeniably Rad As Fuck.  
VRISKA: Yeah, it was gr8...  
HARRY: it’s a good second body.

Everyone stares at him, not least of all you.

HARRY: wow ok, that sounded, yikes,  
VRISKA: Harry.  
VRISKA: Do you find me... attractive?

Your other two new friends snicker. Harry gulps.

HARRY: which answer would be less loaded?  
VRIS: Answer the question, Harry.  
HARRY: well i mean its pretty clear that i think you’re good looking, because i’m dating a girl who kind of looks like you?  
VRIS: Nice save.  
VRISKA: It’s not like I can 8lame you, really. This 8ody is supposed to 8e good looking.  
VRISKA: Well, good looking 8y Alternian standards. 8ut I’m kind of mad at my younger self for 8eing so vain 8ecause 8eauty standards have always 8een a cultural thing. Just like quadrants, which are equally as fake - oh hey kids I hope you can fit your feelings into literally just these four 8oxes or else you’re defective! - and Earth human sexuality, which is... way too reliant on a fuckton of gender rel8ted issues for me to properly understand!  
HARRY: agreed.  
VRIS: Eternal mood.  
TAVROS: Haha yes,,, that is a thing i feel as well,

The four of you chat well into the night, and it warms your broken little heart. You think you were right earlier about your life careening off the path it was supposed to take not being the end of the world. These three? They’re THE 8EST.  
You all add each other on every online platform you can think of. All of you spend the night looking through your old Instagram posts, and Vris can’t stop laughing about how different her mothers looked. You smile at every photo with you and Terezi in it. You promise these guys, and yourself, that one day, you’re going to introduce them to her, even if you haven’t figured out how yet.  
The night belongs to the four of you, and it seems to stretch on forever, but tragically, it doesn’t. At precisely 11, Rose appears at the front door. You can hear her talking to John.

ROSE: Hi, John. Has something happened?  
JOHN: no, why?  
ROSE: Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just...  
ROSE: Every time I’ve seen you these past three days, you look slightly better than the last.  
ROSE: I’m sure the solipsistic ramifications of that choice I left you all those years ago must have... maimed your spirit, somehow. Only now, you look like you’re healing.  
JOHN: i  
JOHN: guess i can feel what you mean.  
JOHN: i feel way less like a stutid piece of gargage than i did at the start of the week.  
ROSE: Please, John. “Stutid” is from the frog strip.  
JOHN: fuck you’re right!  
JOHN: speaking of dave though, how’s...?  
ROSE: *sigh*.  
ROSE: It’s hard. I’m sure you agree.  
JOHN:  
JOHN: yeah.  
JOHN: should i tell the girls it’s time to go?  
VRISKA: Don’t worry a8out it.

You declare, stepping out of the bedroom. You check John’s phone while keeping the hand you’re holding it in in a blind spot to anyone looking up from downstairs. Fucking bastard deleted their texts, leaving just the block notification. Bluh. Whatever. You saunter downstairs and hand his phone back to him. He splutters in confusion for a second, but he’s smart enough to drop it. The other three follow you down the stairs and out the front door. You all bid each other farewell and go your separate ways.

⁂

You barely make a noise on the way home: it’s way past midnight by the time you get there and you’re totally exhausted. Jade’s standing out the front, waiting for you.

ROSE: Final call to go back on your decision to live with Jade. If you want, you can come with me and forget today ever happened.  
VRISKA: Thanks,  
VRISKA: 8ut,  
VRISKA: I think I'm starting to accept my new life. And it 8egins here, with Jade.

You climb out of the car and meander over to Her.

JADE: hey  
JADE: im sorry about my breakdown earlier  
JADE: and im sorry i pushed you out of the way i just  
JADE: didnt want you to see me like that  
VRISKA: It’s cool, I get it.  
VRISKA: I’ve just had... kind of a really 8ad day and a pretty long - 8ut gr8 - night, and I just wanna get some sleep.  
VRISKA: Can I go do that?  
JADE: oh sure of course!  
JADE: does the no hugging rule still apply? :(  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
JADE: ok goodnight!

She steps aside, out of your way. You amble up the stairs, into your bedroom, shunt into your God Tier, and get under the bed covers. Sleeping like this feels way less shitty than just fucking collapsing, you decide, and you fall asleep more soundly than you have in a long, long time.


	4. Night 2: SANGUINE

You stir awake, looking up at a ceiling you don’t recognize. Your body feels dry, which means you’re not in your recuperacoon, but you don’t have any traumatic nightmares extending far out beyond your mortal comprehension, which means...  
Which means you weren’t dreaming. And if you weren’t dreaming, you were unconscious. Not asleep. You think that's how it works?  
Everything looks painfully sharp for a second, but that’s only because you’re not used to waking up with glasses on. It takes a second for your think pan to adjust.  
There’s something cold and sticky on the back of your head. Tentatively, you touch it and hold your fingers in front of your eyes.  
Blue blood. Almost definitely yours, but you probably shouldn’t jump to conclusions just yet. You look up, and there’s a wall right behind you. Blue blood is streaking down from it to... well, to you. Seems like your blood then. That’s concerning. You tilt your head down to get a good look around the OH FUCK. OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK

Lying in the middle of the room is a rustblooded boy, about your age, with a dagger driven through his pump biscuit.  
Oh shit, tonight’s the first night! She’s too big to move on Her own now, which means...  
WHICH MEANS YOU DID THIS! What the hell, Carius???????? You literally just... just, just, just murdered this guy you’ve never seen before in your life?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, what did She say? Three a night, right? Precisely three, like some goddamn medication? Okay, okay, okay. Okay okay okay okay okay! Calm down. With any luck, you’ve already done two!  
Fuck. Fuuuuuuuuck. This is bad. This is really terribly awfully horribly abysmally dreadfully nightmarishly sickeningly bad!  
Are these the nightmares they say children outside their recuperacoons see at night? You pinch yourself. Nope. Nothing. You’re wide awake, and you just murdered someone in cold blood.  
You get to your feet. There’s burgundy and cerulean all over your clothes and shoes, but something tells you lugging this cadaver WHICH YOU KILLED BY THE WAY all the way home is going to excuse your current state. She’s harsh, not cruel.

You slip over in your own blood and narrowly avoid bashing your skull on the wall behind you.

You get up again, more cautiously this time. Ohhhhhhhh god there’s really this whole-ass guy whose life has permanently ceased to be because of you. But you’re fine! You’re just fine, just like Mindfang! Right? Yeah, she would never freak out at something like this!

You retch because oh god oh fuck that’s a lot of blood and it’s all over your everything.

C’mon, Carius! Just be like Mindfang, okay? What would she do in a situation like this???????? She faced a lot of really grisly stuff growing up! How would she numb herself to this?  
You remember something about her taking her mind off things by counting in eights? Alright, yes, okay, awesome, that sounds perfect. You’ve done it a couple times yourself at her recommendation, so you know the gist of it by now, but it’s kind of hard to focus enough to properly remember *because there is blood just fucking everywhere.*  
Let’s go. Eight. Sixteen. Twenty-four. You grab the carcass by the ankles and start dragging it along. Thirty-two. Forty. Forty-eight. You drag it - no, *him*, you have to remind yourself, this was a REAL PERSON PROBABLY JUST MOMENTS AGO - down his hive’s stairs, which is way harder than you would have guessed! Fifty-six. Sixty-four. Seventy-two. You stumble on the last two steps, but narrowly manage to regain your composure. Eighty. Eighty-eight. You look to your left, out the front door. You think you know the way home from here? Ninety-six. One hundred and four. As you drag him out of the hive, you realize you’ve never been stressed enough to necessitate counting this high before.

⁂

You make it back to your own hive just fine. Ten thousand eight hundred and fifty-six. Ten thousand eight hundred and sixty-four. Physically fine at least. Ten thousand eight hundred and seventy-two. Ten thousand eight hundred and eighty. Okay, time to stop being a total idiot for once! The numbers are doing fucking nothing!

You drop his ankles and take a few deep breaths. He’s heavier than he looks, and you’re so fucking tired right now. You wish you could trade places with this guy.

[SPIDERMOM]: Good evening, Carius.  
[SPIDERMOM]: I hope you aren’t expecting me to make my way up there.  
[CARIUS]: Yeah, I know, I know! I’m just so exhausted from lugging this dead asshole all the way over here.  
[CARIUS]: Please, just give me a 8r8k! I can’t explain how freaked out I am right now.  
[SPIDERMOM]: You don’t need to explain. You’ve been mentally screaming it for the world to hear from the very moment you returned.  
[SPIDERMOM]: Would you mind not making such a psychic racket?  
[SPIDERMOM]: Besides, you still have two more to go, and only...  
[SPIDERMOM]: Well, sunrise looks to be seven hours away. I hope you can manage the next two much faster than this one.

You briefly consider making a snarky retort. That’s what Mindfang would do, anyway. But Mindfang is waaaaaaaay braver than you are, and you really don’t want to make Her mad.  
You drag the body down the like a million stairs and out onto the platform leading directly to Her. Not wanting to spend a moment too long in Her presence, you turn and hightail it back up the stairs.  
Alright. Okay. Awesome. Just two more to go, right? That’s two more than you want to, but you can manage! You can manage just fine! You always manage just fine!

⁂

You saw things tonight that you very desperately wish you had never seen. Your palms are stained yellow and rust with blood. Every time you close your eyes, you just see Her eating them again. God, you didn’t know troll bodies had that much sinew and gristle in them!  
You’re curled up in the corner of your respiteblock in fetal position (not that you know it’s called that, of course) and sobbing and whimpering into your knees. Come on, Carius! What would Mindfang say if she saw you? Probably something like,

MINDFANG: Now you see that a life of violence and killing isn’t something you’re cut out for. I can’t say the same was ever true for me, of course, 8ut it’s something you can mold yourself into.  
MINDFANG: Alternia is a naturally very violent place, as you know. There’s no denying that. And ruthlessness is practically essential if you want to survive! 8ut that doesn’t mean you need to let this world 8eat that into you.  
CARIUS: What other choice do I have?  
MINDFANG: Despite the eons that separ8 us, there’s a lot we have in common.  
MINDFANG: If you want to keep with the 8lue8lood superstition surrounding ancestry, you’re going to have to follow in my footsteps. And I 8elieve that if anyone can do that, it’s you!  
CARIUS: ...Really?  
MINDFANG: Of course!  
MINDFANG: This planet tried to 8eat it into me, you know.  
CARIUS: Yeah, I know. I’ve read your journal.  
CARIUS: Or, at least I started to.  
MINDFANG: Apologies for the tome’s length. Sometimes I really can’t help myself.  
MINDFANG: My point is, Alternia demands that you 8e strong. 8ut should you exceed its expect8tions, should you 8ecome *too* strong, it will never demand anything of you ever again.

Man, you wish you could meet her someday.

Wait. What’s the date tonight?

Oh. Oh shit! Tears are still stinging your eyes, heartbreaking, stomach-turning images still fresh in your mind, but you force yourself to rise to your feet and wander over to your laptop.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA].

AG: Hey, sorry I couldn’t make it tonight! I’ve 8een really 8usy all night!  
AA: haha its 0k  
AA: theres always next time  
AG: I know, 8ut that session the other night was so much fun! I wanna do this more often!  
AA: im sure y0ull get plenty 0f chances in the future  
AA: y0ure surprisingly g00d at flarping actually

She doesn’t say it, but you know she means “f0r a b0y”. You’re already an emotional disaster from the events of tonight, and the unspoken jab is just salt in the wound.

AG: Thanks! It means a lot, honestly. I’ve never really had the chance to, I don’t know, get out there and do all these amazing things with awesome people 8efore.  
AG: People like you.  
AA: i wish y0ur lusus wasnt s0 uptight ab0ut bl00d castes  
AA: it w0uld be pretty great t0 have y0u ar0und m0re regularly  
AG: I’ll figure something out, I promise!!!!!!!!  
AG: I really really really really really really really really wanna flarp more!

It’s true, you do! Aradia, Tavros, the whole group... they’re all so cool! You wanna be one of them!

AA: well 0ur next sessi0n is 0nly a week away  
AA: will y0u be able t0 make it?

Hm. Maybe if you stock up on a few nights’ worth of victims beforehand (but oh god you really don’t think you could take another night of this without throwing up!) you’ll have free time to meet with your new friends more often. But is it going to be worth it? You’re still getting used to this whole “you have to actually murder three people every night or else you yourself are going to be killed and eaten for your disobedience” thing, and you don’t want to overwork yourself so soon.  
But on the other hand, you need a break from this. You need regular breaks from this. Your life is turning into an absolute fucking nightmare and you’re helpless to stop it. Can’t you afford at least a little time away from it all?

AG: You know what?  
AG: I think I will.

⁂

CARIUS: Hey guys! I’m 8ack!

Every session is scheduled for a different location, for the purpose of keeping the game fresh. Tonight’s session takes place in a vast, grassy field, several miles from the nearest colony. About a dozen members of team charge have gathered tonight, and you count yourself among their ranks.  
You don’t know how you were expecting people to react to you coming back for a second session, but groans and murmurs of disappointment is a lot more disheartening than you think you deserve.

ARADIA: t0ugh cr0wd!  
ARADIA: d0nt mind them i think y0ure g0nna make a fine additi0n t0 the team  
??????: YoU SaiD ThE SamE ThinG AbouT TavroS  
ARADIA: and i stand by it d0nt be mean  
CARIUS: Hey, thanks.  
CARIUS: I filled out that character sheet you gave me last time, 8y the way.

You hand it to her. She quietly reads over it, and she’s visibly less than impressed by it. But she doesn’t say so.

CARIUS: Is... something wrong?  
ARADIA: um  
ARADIA: actually n0 this is 0k f0r a first timer  
ARADIA: needs s0me w0rk with balancing but 0therwise its fine  
CARIUS: 8alancing? What’s wrong with it?  
ARADIA: y0ur stats are  
ARADIA: unplayably high  
ARADIA: give me a sec0nd t0 nerf y0u

She produces a pencil from behind her ear and starts scribbling notes all over your sheet. You can feel everyone else glaring at you in frustration. You’re holding up their game!

CARIUS: Um...  
CARIUS: Sorry, everyone...

Aradia hands your sheet back to you, with all your abilities and stats toned way down. You look up at her, and back at your sheet, and at her again.

CARIUS: How am I supposed to get 8y with levels like these????????  
ARADIA: everyb0dy else d0es just fine with starting c0nditi0ns like th0se  
ARADIA: besides y0ure m0re 0r less a natural at this game s0 i figure y0ull be able t0 w0rk s0mething 0ut

She gives you another of her exceptionally wide grins. You, uh... you force a smile back? You don’t know how you’re going to work this. Oh, well. You’re sure it can’t be so bad, right? After all, you *are* pretty damn good at this game, as newcomers go.

⁂

You and Tavros quickly find yourself cut off from the rest of the team and hunted down like the runts of the litter. Five members of the opposing team surround you quickly and move in for the kill.

TAVROS: uM,,, sORRY,,  
TAVROS: tHIS BASICALLY HAPPENS TO ME EVERY TIME I PLAY,  
CARIUS: What? You’re kidding, right?  
TAVROS: iT WOULD BE PRETTY NICE IF THAT WAS A THING I WAS DOING RIGHT NOW,  
TAVROS: uSUALLY WHOEVER I GET PAIRED UP WITH BAILS ME OUT,,, bUT THAT’S YOU RIGHT NOW,  
CARIUS: You don’t think we can t8ke these guys?

He shakes his head.

CARIUS: Okay, I’m gonna 8e honest. I don’t think we can either.  
CARIUS: 8ut what choice do we have?

The leader of the group, a tall, thin, goldblood girl, steps forward.

??????: you’d betterrrrrr do something fairrrrly ████ing soon  
??????: .yeah either surrender or take us oN .this is getting pretty borinG  
??????: alwways count on a fuckin newwbie to suck the fun outta the game

You take a deep breath. Come on, Carius. You can do this. You can do this! You’re descended from the greatest warrior in the world, and you will not let this quintet of chumps scare you! Time to finish this fight, here and now!

CARIUS: We’ll never surrender to the likes of you!

You and Tavros assume a defensive formation, with too many weak points to count given it’s just the two of you.

??????: !good enough for mE

Both parties stand their own ground and you raise your weapons. You hold a relatively basic-looking scimitar and your partner wields his lance with pride. You close your eyes to steel yourself and OH FUCK OH SHIT YOU JUST SEE HER EATING ALL THOSE KIDS AGAIN! You see those mandibles ripping through flesh, blood dripping from her jaws and smattering on the ground below, and you hear the crunching of bone, too weak to resist the force of her fangs snapping shut. For a second, you’re paralyzed in horror, and a second is all your foes need.

You and Tavros spend the next ten minutes getting the shit kicked out of you.

At the end of the night, the two of you trudge back to your group, battered and bruised. It’s a miracle your glasses weren’t broken. The rest of your team look practically unscathed. Some of them laugh at you as you draw near, and you look down so that they can’t see the tears running down your face.

ARADIA: 0h my g00dness are y0u tw0 0k?  
CARIUS: Yeah, yeah, sure. Just really fucking gr8!  
CARIUS: I just had my ass handed to me on a silver pl8tter 8ecause you all left us 8ehind, sat around while NO8ODY responded to Tavros’s call for 8ackup, and then their stupid seadweller marksman started flirting with me!  
CARIUS: 8ut yeah! My night’s 8een f8cking spect8cular! Th8nks for 8sking!!!!!!!!  
ARADIA: ...  
ARADIA: are y0u sure y0ure cut 0ut f0r this?  
ARADIA: i mean n0 0ffense, but  
ARADIA: y0u are dragging the team average d0wn

You meet her gaze. Yet more of your “teammates” laugh at you upon seeing your face.

CARIUS: What?

Your voice cracks.

CARIUS: No, Aradia, y8u don’t underst8nd! I need this!  
CARIUS: Ev8ry night I sp8nd in my hive w8th my l8sus is f8cking tort8re!  
CARIUS: I don’t want to 8e her sl8ve forev8r. I don’t w8nt to st8nd 8round helpl8ssly while she w8rks me into an e8rly gr8ve.  
CARIUS: Please, th8s is the 8nly esc8pe I have...  
CARIUS: Please, don’t t8ke this aw8y from me...  
CARIUS: I promise, I’ll get 8etter at it! I’ll le8rn from you guys!  
CARIUS: May8e this is all just a 8out of 8ad luck! 8ecause I was doing really well last time, right????????  
CARIUS: Please, just...  
CARIUS: Just let me have this. Okay?  
ARADIA: well im n0t sure...  
ARADIA: y0u suffered a pretty humiliating defeat t0night and thats n0t s0 great f0r this teams track rec0rd  
CARIUS: I’m a fast learner!  
CARIUS: I’ll use every free second I have of every night to train and study and get 8etter at this!  
ARADIA: ...  
ARADIA: alright  
ARADIA: i think thats en0ugh f0r t0night y0ure all dismissed

The crowd dissolves as everyone heads off in every which way and mumbles their goodbyes to one another. They all look like they had a lot more fun than you did.

ARADIA: carius w0uld y0u mind staying behind a little bit l0nger  
ARADIA: i just wanna talk ab0ut a c0uple 0f things privately  
CARIUS: Uh... sure?

She sighs. You don’t think that’s a good sign.

ARADIA: l00k i have a l0t banking 0n y0u right n0w  
ARADIA: i mean its n0t s0mething id n0rmally d0 after all im just playing this game f0r fun  
ARADIA: but y0uve g0t a l0t 0f p0tential  
ARADIA: in fact i feel like maybe y0ure s0meb0dy really special!  
ARADIA: but n0b0dy else seems t0 realize that  
ARADIA: ultimately what i want t0 d0 is make this game m0re fun and exciting f0r every0ne!  
ARADIA: but i cant d0 that unless pe0ple are willing t0 listen t0 my ideas  
ARADIA: s0 i was thinking we have a c0mm0n interest here right?  
ARADIA: if y0u get better at this game then that will pr0ve b0th 0f us right!  
CARIUS: I mean, yeah, I guess we do?  
CARIUS: 8ut who cares? Who am I kidding? It’s not like I’m gonna just, I don’t know, magically get 8etter at this game overday!  
CARIUS: And my lusus 8arely gives me enough of a 8reak that I could use as time to improve. I’m just wasting your time!  
ARADIA: what if i ment0red y0u  
ARADIA: i said i saw p0tential in y0u didnt i  
ARADIA: maybe t0gether we c0uld w0rk 0ut h0w t0 bring it 0ut  
CARIUS: Really? 8ut you’re already so 8usy all the time with managing the group and stuff!  
CARIUS: I don’t wanna 8other you or anything.  
ARADIA: trust me i can make time  
ARADIA: i kn0w that y0ure very upset ab0ut h0w t0night went  
ARADIA: and i get that y0u want t0 magically make every0ne like y0u  
ARADIA: i d0nt think thats just g0ing t0 happen right away but id l0ve t0 have y0u be 0ne 0f the regulars  
ARADIA: i think if y0u let me help y0u that will be 0ur best bet at b0th 0f us getting what we want! 0u0  
ARADIA: just pr0mise me 0ne thing 0k?  
CARIUS: Sure. Anything.  
CARIUS: I know how much this all means to you, and I really really wanna just 8e a part of it. So I’ll do whatever it takes!  
ARADIA: w0nderful!  
ARADIA: i really really d0nt like h0w pretenti0us this s0unds but im c0unting 0n y0u  
ARADIA: s0 just  
ARADIA: whatever y0u d0  
ARADIA: d0nt embarrass me  
CARIUS: You got it! I’ll 8e the 8est student you ever had!  
ARADIA: y0ull be the 0nly student i ever had  
CARIUS: Okay, sure. Whatever. 8ut you get my point, right?  
CARIUS: I won’t let you down!

She flashes another grin.

ARADIA: i kn0w y0u w0nt  
ARADIA: y0u sh0uld pr0bably g0 h0me and get s0me rest n0w  
ARADIA: if y0ure a fast learner like y0u say y0u are im g0ing t0 train y0u pretty intensively!  
ARADIA: if thats 0k 0f c0urse  
CARIUS: Yeah. Sure, that’s fine 8y me.  
CARIUS: So, I guess I’ll talk to you l8r?  
ARADIA: anytime!  
CARIUS: Alright, I’m gonna head off then. I wanna get a good day’s sleep.  
CARIUS: So,  
CARIUS: 8ye?  
ARADIA: until next time  
CARIUS: Until next time!

You’re not really an expert at saying goodbye, but you think a simple farewell and accompanying nod is enough to announce your departure. You turn and head back to your hive, and as you do, gears begin to turn in your mind. With any luck, you’ll be able to slaughter two avian beasts with one stone.

⁂

You get back to your hive and trudge up to your respiteblock. Tonight was a long night, but hey, it got you out of the hive without getting any blood on your hands. Is... is that really how low your standards are for a good night now? Whatever. Whatever! Sure! Maybe your life is fucking horrible. Maybe it’s gonna be that way for a long time! But you’re going to come out the other side stronger and THAT’S what counts.  
You look at yourself in the mirror and take off your jacket. Oh boy, that’s a lot of bruises. You really took a solid beating in that last battle, huh? Your hair’s a mess, too, which is to say it’s back in its natural, fluffy state. You reach for your comb to tame it back into that neat little combover She always compliments you on, but you pause.

Hm.

You *could* brush it, sure, but let’s think about this for a second.  
You crack open the journal on your desk again and scan that table of contents. The one written just for your bloodline. Just for *you*, you’re sure - this journal exists for *you*! - and find:

The Serket lineage: page 836

You turn to that page. It features about two dozen or so beautifully hand-drawn portraits, each of which depicts an adult troll, usually a woman, with two sharp, asymmetrical horns and seven pupils in their left eye.  
The portraits are arranged in an upside-down tree formation, with most of them branching out in lines under one other portrait, slightly larger and more detailed than the others, captioned,

Marquise Aranea “Spinneret Mindfang” Serket

It's one of the few places in her journal where she gives her real name. The others are all given similar captions, like Admiral Dolore Serket and Duke Vikien Serket and so on and so forth, and they share a few distinguishing features: Most obviously beyond the horns and the eye they all seem to share your fangs, almost all of them are bespectacled, most of them seem tall and lean (although it’s impossible to tell from just their portraits), most of them share - to some degree or other - your prominent brow and large nose (two features you had long been self-conscious about, prior to retrieving this journal), and a lot of them have jawlines that could cut diamonds. You can’t help but note that you come from enchantingly handsome lineage.  
But they all have hair that’s as much a mess as yours is right now. You pause, hands trembling, and you glance over your shoulder into the mirror again. It sounds totally silly, sure, but maybe, just maybe, you’re supposed to have hair like this? Like all of these guys do? Maybe you should let it grow out all messy and stuff! But that... no, that can’t be right. Your lusus told you to comb it, and keep it in order, and all that stuff. And as stupid as it seems, you have to follow the rules. She knows what’s best for you, after all.

But what if She’s wrong?

Hm. Hold on, there’s a thought you hadn’t particularly felt brave enough to entertain before. What if She *is* wrong? Like, who says she’s right about everything? She does! She’s the only one saying that! And what would she know about taking care of your hair? What would she know about what *you* need? She hasn’t seen a single living thing except you all week!  
Haha, yeah! Mindfang’s been trying to teach you to rebel? Well then, you’re going to fucking rebel! Bushy hair it is!

You look at the bottom of the page, where an empty portrait with no name sits. That’s you! And the inscription is no less than flattering:

I tried to see the mysterious final descendant and failed.  
They’re way to mysterious for me to see them yet! Seriously, what’s up with them? What’s their deal????????  
With any luck, I’ll learn all a8out them a little l8r.

Uncharacteristically brief, as her writing goes, but there’s not a lot of room in that bottom margin. That she commented at all fills you with pride. You wish she could see you here, now! Letting your hair flow freely in an unprecedented display of autonomy and self-expression, disregarding the way your lusus tells you to be to embrace your blood right, your destiny, as a Serket instead!  
This first action of resistance against your custodian’s tyranny is the last little push you need over the edge to realize that plan you had earlier, you think to yourself as you take a seat in front of your computer. You’re in control here. You run the game. You lusus demands that you feed Her? Fine, fine. But you’re going to be playing by your own rules.  
That asshole who flirted with you earlier tonight. What was his Trollian handle again?  
You ask as if you could forget. He only told you like a hundred times. You briefly consider sending him a friend request. After all, a seadweller would be a powerful ally, even after tonight. But you refuse to disguise your intentions.

You send him an enemy request instead.

He accepts instantly, of course. You were counting on it, in fact. Day has almost broken, and you were worried that if you waited until tomorrow to talk to him, you would have forgotten what you were going to say.

CA: wwell wwell wwell  
CA: look wwho finally came crawwlin back  
AG: What?  
AG: Sure. Whatever. Who cares.  
AG: Look. I need your help, and I don’t know who else to turn to.  
CA: so youre askin me out already  
CA: pretty forwward of you i must say but wwhats a guy like me to do but accept  
AG: What? No. Let me finish, asshole.  
CA: wwoah i nevver wwould havve guessed you could come on this strong  
CA: no offense but your first impression wwasnt this  
CA: wwhats the wword  
AG: I literally do not care, alright? I haven’t even told you what I wanted yet, so may8e shut the fuck up for two seconds and listen to what I have to say????????  
AG: Holy shit. I don’t think I’ve ever actually talked to anyone like that 8efore.  
AG: I am so, so sorry.  
CA: hm  
CA: its fine i see howw it is  
CA: “may8e” wwe just arent meant to be  
AG: Please, can you spare me the fucking flirt8tion for a moment?  
CA: of course im only messin wwith you  
CA: its hardly wworth flatterin yourself thinking id EVVER try to get a thing goin with a fuckin landrat let alone one of a hue thats barely evven nobility  
CA: unless thats the only thing keepin you from cryin yourself to sleep at day like a lowwblood wwiggler wwho just found out magic isnt real in wwhich case keep dreamin for all i care  
CA: learn howw to take a fuckin joke sometime cari  
AG: Alright, fine. Sure. Whatever. Whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever! Are you done? Can I actually talk now?  
AG: Look.  
AG: Your teamm8tes were kind of total assholes to me and my friends tonight.  
CA: obvviously yeah  
CA: none a them so much as spare a wword of revverence at the fact that theres VVERY REAL ROYALTY among their ranks i tell you its like they dont evven care  
CA: seriously cari wwhats evven the point of mingling wwith a load a shitbloods if they wwont bend ovver and lick the sand off your boots  
AG: Ugh, you sound just like my neigh8or!  
AG: I don’t want a lecture on the structure of a society that I can learn for myself 8y seeing it every night with my own eight eyes!  
AG: It’s a waste of time! There’s nothing you can tell me that I don’t already know! Is that really so hard for you to understand????????  
AG: Seriously, would it kill you to hear me out?  
AG: I’m glad you h8 your team as much as I h8 them! That makes things a lot easier! 8ut I’d rather look directly at the fucking sun than listen to another word of your weird misera8le misunderstood top8lood sad8oy 8ullshit!  
AG: So listen the fuck up:

You don’t know where all this anger is coming from. Is this kismessitude? Yes, your inexperienced prepubescent mind somehow decides. This is a normal, healthy way to feel about someone.

AG: For reasons I have at least the 8asic decency to not thrust upon you immedi8tely after I try to make the slightest of convers8tion, I need to kill three low8loods per night.  
AG: Your team had a lot more mem8ers than that, and I’m guessing the overwhelming majority of them are olive at the very highest.  
CA: you can just say you wwant me to divvulge their names and addresses its fine  
CA: its not like im particularly vvery fond of any of them inside or out of the game  
CA: ivve alwways fancied myself more the loner type anywway  
AG: Yeah, I’ll say.  
CA: hm or maybe ill havve a crisis of conscience and decide actually no i wwont let a snotty little bastard wwho turns my owwn wwords against me for the sake a his owwn ego kill evvery ally i havve abovve sea levvel  
CA: great wwork eri another brilliant manoeuvvre  
AG: Oh, come on. You’re un8eara8le, you know that?  
AG: Are you going to 8e this hard to work with forever?  
CA: are you gonna call anyone wwho doesnt answwer your cry for help wwhile you repeatedly insult them hard to wwork wwith  
CA: not that i care of course its just about teachin you wwhos the boss  
CA: heres a fuckin hint  
CA: its not the guy wwho breathes air his evvery wwakin moment  
AG: Alright, I'll take it 8ack since it apparently means so much to you that I pull off the legendary feat of not making fun of you. What, do you want me to grovel or something?  
CA: wwould be nice

This is how the conversation ends up going for the remainder of the night, until you can pry the information out of him. Equius warned you about seadwellers: they’re slippery in more ways than one. Once he delivers the hitlist, though, you consider your mission accomplished and head to your recuperacoon without so much as a goodbye.

Although you barely know him, you're certain this guy's a total piece of shit. You want absolutely nothing to do with him ever, which means it's essential you ask him out, right? You think it's something you'll understand when you're older.

⁂

Your thirtieth kill is easier than your first, your fortieth is easier than that, and your fiftieth easier still. By the time you make your sixtieth, you feel almost nothing. You're frightened by how easy it was for Her to turn you into nothing more than a weapon, nothing more than a future poster child for the empire's military industry.  
And it’s easier to teach yourself to hate when you match your victims to the times you’ve staggered home from game nights, bruised and beaten, because hey! None of these guys are tooooooootally innocent, so you could be doing a lot worse! Hell, some of your teammates (not naming any names, of course) get beaten up by these stupid chumps so often, you’re basically doing them a service!  
You’re...

Well, not exactly *afraid*, but something remarkably similar, when the scent of blood becomes no more alien to you than the scent of breakfast. When the ability to throw someone on their back and drive a knife through their chest becomes basic muscle memory, you feel lighter. But you feel emptier, too. And when the sound of Her fangs crushing bone and chitin becomes nothing more than background noise, you feel so unburdened, and yet, so devoid of anything that made you the person you used to be.  
There was a boy named Carius Serket who greeted everyone with a smile, and who always said his pleases and his thank yous and cried embarrassingly often. But he wasn’t fit to survive on Alternia.  
Now a new person stands in his place, with the same name and the same face and the same horns and sign and everything, but he is different. And you’re not sure you like him. You’re not sure you trust him, either.

You find yourself wondering how she managed.

CARIUS: Is this how it felt for you, too?  
CARIUS: You know, 8ack when you first started killing people.  
MINDFANG: When you ask, “Is this how it felt”, what is “this”?  
MINDFANG: Is the creeping horror at what you’re 8ecoming what you’re actually feeling? Or is it, perhaps, what you think you should 8e feeling, 8ut can’t, so you tell yourself that this MUST 8e how you actually feel?  
CARIUS: I don’t know. Is there a difference?  
MINDFANG: Do you want there to 8e a difference?  
CARIUS: I don’t know what I want.  
MINDFANG: Yes you do. You know exactly what you want, and you’re skirting around the matter 8y pretending that you’re having an enl8ghtening convers8tion with a woman who’s 8een dead for a long, long time.  
MINDFANG: The longer you spend putting words in my mouth, the longer you distract yourself from the truth.  
CARIUS: You’re right.  
CARIUS: No, w8! I mean *I’m* right!  
CARIUS: What I want is... to feel something again. The way that I used to.  
CARIUS: I want to say I’m freaking out over who I’m 8ecoming, 8ut I’m not even doing that.  
CARIUS: I always assumed that over time I’d, like, get turned into a super tough kind of person, who’s too strong to feel hurt every time my hands strike the life out of a 8ody.  
CARIUS: 8ut that’s not what happens, huh?  
CARIUS: Well, yeah, I guess it is, 8ut it’s nothing like I thought it would 8e.  
CARIUS: It’s not like I’m starting to see myself as strong and all of them as weak, is it?  
CARIUS: It’s more like... more like I’m...  
CARIUS: I’m just 8ecoming too tired to care.  
CARIUS: “All these people had their own lives, and their own ho88ies and interests and everything, and friends and custodians and enemies and lovers!”  
CARIUS: That’s what I used to think, and it used to make me feel sick in every place I could feel sick.  
CARIUS: Now all I think is, “So? Why do you care?”  
CARIUS: And the answer is, I don’t.  
CARIUS: I just...  
CARIUS: Don’t.  
CARIUS: That dull, 8oring, pathetic guy I was 8efore I started gaming with all the others?  
CARIUS: I wish I was him again.  
CARIUS: 8ut I’m not. And I never will 8e.

⁂

Time becomes hard to quantify the less you care. The more you’re worn down, the more the weeks feel like nights, and the hours like minutes. You don’t talk to Equius that much anymore. You don’t play any more chess, except against that one anonymous weirdo nobody can seem to beat. And your progress through your ancestor’s journal ground to a halt, and is only picking back up the slightest bit of steam as you get faster at hunting.  
You wish you could say you’re enjoying the game more, but you’re not so sure. It always leaves you worn out beyond measure, and only moreso each time. Feeding your lusus has left you with little time to go out and buy food for *yourself* (and it’s not as if that’s something She can do anymore, even if She was inclined to) and despite all your new weapons and level ups and class boons and everything, you’re becoming more and more weak and frail. You don’t want to say it, but... you’re dying.

Sometimes you catch yourself just as you slip up. People don’t tend to notice it, though. Well, not until tonight.

??????: Cmon||new||guy||i||know||you||can||do||this

You and one of the only regulars who’s offered you so much as a modicum of respect are the only two adventurers who have found your way into this corner of the dungeon, where a door stands guarded by a worm-like miniboss. It’s your turn right now, and are your glasses askew?

They’re not.

So why does everything look so out of focus? And what’s that rumbling?

CARIUS: Do you...  
CARIUS: Hear that?  
??????: Hear||what  
CARIUS: It’s like...  
CARIUS: 8a-thoom, 8a-thoom, 8a-thoom...  
CARIUS: Fuck, is that my own pumping cycle?  
??????: |||||||||||||||||||

You can’t hear them. Actually, you can’t hear anything. Fuck, what the hell is happening to you?  
Oh, well. Better man the fuck up and get this over with. You raise your sword up over your head and-

CARIUS: Hey, I h8 to spoil the fun or whatever, 8ut...  
CARIUS: I’m a8out to pass out.

THUD!!!!!!!!

The next thing you know, you’re laying on the ground back at this session’s hub, on the beach. The waves are rolling in and out so soothingly faintly. Standing over you are your teammates and your opponents, staring at you with such frightened intensity it’s as if they believe the slightest tremor might shatter you to pieces. Honestly, you feel as if that might be the case.

??????: Will||he||be||ok

Your friend(???????? At least, you really hope she’s your friend!) asks a member of the enemy team(!!!!!!!! Yikes! Did you black out and miss out on the declaration of a truce?), who’s dressed like a paramedic.

!!!!!!: \i.cant.really.say/  
!!!!!!: \i.certainly.hope.so/  
!!!!!!: ho!d u? a second

A very smartly-dressed young woman comes over from out beyond the edge of your vision.

!!!!!!: i designed this dungeon so i think i shou!d ?ay attention to someone getting injured in it  
!!!!!!: what happened!? how much damage did he take?!  
??????: None  
!!!!!!: what!?!?  
??????: Hes||been||acting||kinda||weird||all||night  
??????: Idk||if||hes||sick||or||what  
??????: I||hope||hes||ok||hes||a||lot||of||fun||to||play||with  
CARIUS: I...  
CARIUS: I hope so too.

You know what’s going on here, of course, but it makes you want to shrivel up and disappear. This game used to be your escape from the agony of your life. Now it’s just a reminder.

Your team loses that night, but it hardly even matters. By the time your companion dragged your body back to safety, the lines behind teams had begun to fade in the generally friendly postgame hubbub. You don’t know why you feel so jealous of everyone who’s healthy enough to stay behind and hang out while the bronzeblood medic with that crooked smile and those downturned horns tells you to go home and get some rest.

It’s not like they would have liked you anyway.

⁂

The only thing you look forward to anymore is Aradia’s training, out in the woods where you first met. It’s intensive, it’s unrelenting, and it’s impossible. As in, literally impossible! She pits you up against enemies you can’t stand a chance of beating just to see how long you can last against them.  
Right now, you’re facing a giant beast with six legs, four arms, and three eyes ablaze with golden ichor. Every now and then, you catch a glimpse of Aradia through the creature’s holographic hide, and she’s encouraging you onward, urging you to fight back, but no matter what you do, this thing has you on the defensive. There’s no angle at which you can swing your blade that it doesn’t just deflect with ease and counterattack you in at least two places. Eventually, you fall to the ground, too tired to carry on. She recalls the holographic behemoth and rushes to your side.

CARIUS: What,  
CARIUS: Was,  
CARIUS: The point,  
CARIUS: Of,  
CARIUS: Of any of this?  
ARADIA: im trying t0 gauge y0ur perf0rmance but  
ARADIA: its alm0st like y0ure getting w0rse  
ARADIA: even taking y0ur weight l0ss int0 acc0unt y0u w0uld n0rmally be d0ing a l0t better than that  
ARADIA: are y0u  
ARADIA: l0sing interest?  
CARIUS: In the game, or in your training?  
ARADIA: b0th i supp0se  
CARIUS: In two very different ways, yeah.  
CARIUS: Like, I don’t enjoy flarping so much anymore, 8ecause I feel like I’m just going in circles with it.  
CARIUS: Every session, I work my ass off to gain as many experience points as I can, 8ecause in terms of physical strength I’m just sliding 8ackwards.  
CARIUS: And I look forward to this, sure, 8ecause it’s like, the only place in my whole life where I feel like no8ody’s judging me.  
CARIUS: Well, except for the fact that you’re literally gr8ding my performance.  
CARIUS: 8ut it feels like I finally have a place where I can 8e myself, even if only for like an hour a week.  
CARIUS: 8ut I’m tired of it! I’m tired of losing everything all the time like a 8ig stupid lame loser!  
CARIUS: So, yeah. I don’t care a8out winning these fights anymore 8ecause I can’t.  
ARADIA: im s0rry  
ARADIA: i just th0ught these uphill battles might give y0u a reas0n t0 push y0urself harder  
CARIUS: My lusus thinks the same.

She lies in the grass next to you, and the two of you watch the stars.

CARIUS: Every fucking night, She’s always correcting every little slip up I make while feeding Her, and always keeping track of how fast I’m working, and all that kind of stuff. And when She deems my work unsatisfactory, well,  
CARIUS: You know how it is.  
ARADIA: n0t really  
ARADIA: my lusus sleeps m0st 0f the time  
ARADIA: shes very quiet  
ARADIA: we rarely talk except f0r when she asks me h0w my night has been  
CARIUS: W8, really?  
ARADIA: yes 0f c0urse  
ARADIA: why what d0es y0urs d0  
ARADIA: aside fr0m inc0nsiderately w0rk y0u half t0 death  
CARIUS: She’s not 8eing “inconsider8”, She’s doing what’s 8est for 8oth of us.  
CARIUS: At least, She says She is. I’m not so sure anymore.  
CARIUS: Whatever She’s doing, sometimes I just need a 8r8k.  
CARIUS: And may8e sometimes that means She can’t eat 400 pounds every night. May8e She shouldn’t 8e afforded every luxury I can manage while I slowly fucking perish from exhaustion!  
CARIUS: This is why playing your game was so important to me. Finally I had a place where I could really, actually 8e myself! 8ut I’m losing that too. I’m losing everything.  
ARADIA: im  
ARADIA: really s0rry t0 hear all that

She holds your hand. You tense up for a moment.

ARADIA: l0wbl00ds like me d0nt really get a l0t 0f  
ARADIA: anything really  
ARADIA: were always taught t0 be jeal0us 0f highbl00ds like y0u with y0ur massive castles and y0ur s0cial status and y0ur lifespans 0f l0nger than 50 sweeps but  
ARADIA: we never learn any 0f this  
ARADIA: whatever happens stay safe 0k  
ARADIA: if y0u need me t0 bring y0u f00d every n0w and then i will  
CARIUS: Really?  
CARIUS: 8ut... I’m no8ility. I have so much stuff in my life that you don’t. You shouldn’t 8e offering me what little you can afford!  
ARADIA: please listen t0 y0urself  
ARADIA: when was the last time y0u had a decent meal  
CARIUS: I  
CARIUS: ........  
CARIUS: You’re right.  
CARIUS: I guess there’s nothing for me to do 8ut accept your help, huh?  
CARIUS: I don’t know how to thank you enough.  
ARADIA: get better at this game!  
ARADIA: pr0ve me right 0u0  
ARADIA: i s0meh0w kn0w deep d0wn that if anyb0dy can its y0u

At the beginning of the night, you believed your spirit was well and truly hollowed out for good. But Aradia just... stops you feeling any of that, somehow. As cheesy as it sounds to think, it’s like there’s a spark of hope right in the centre of your being all of a sudden. A faint glow of a promise that maybe, just maybe, the future isn’t going to be a soul-sucking nightmare.

You don’t know it yet, but one day that spark will come to be called Vriska Serket.

⁂

CARIUS: ...And then, uh...  
CARIUS: And then if I use my sword with 8oth hands, which deals uhhhhhhhh, dou8le damage, right?  
CARIUS: Counting all the 8uffs I have.  
ARADIA: yes actually  
ARADIA: i think that sh0uld be en0ugh t0 take it 0ut  
CARIUS: Awesome! You guys got me 8acked up on this one?  
??????: nO fUckIng wAy  
??????: not in the sligh test  
??????: to be perfectly frank youou can honestly get fucked  
ARADIA: 0h c0me 0n d0nt be mean!  
ARADIA: carius and i have been training t0gether a l0t and i think if we can all get behind him f0r 0ne last push theres h0pe f0r us yet!

The five of you are taking cover behind the centuries-old ruins of a thick stone wall. On the other side of it is a formidable boss monster the enemy team sent off to tear you apart. You knew tonight was going to be tough, but only because you pay close attention to the history of the areas each campaign takes place.  
Tonight you’re playing for a prize unlike any other. If you had the journal on hand you’d read the appropriate passage to check, for the gazillionth time, that you’ve got it right, but you basically know the whole thing by now. You memorized the entire chapter for the purpose of tonight’s trials, after all.

Thus, it 8ecame clear to me that I couldn’t hope to hold onto the weapon much longer. Clinging to the ship with one hand, I was forced to let the treasure go with the other. Not that cre8ing a duplic8 would 8e particularly difficult, or even that undesira8le: it was simply a matter of sentimental value. That, and that hiring an appropri8ly talented forger would cost me dearly.

You charge out from behind cover, bellowing the best battle cry a four-and-a-half-sweep-old can manage, your blade now actually pretty decently upgraded, and decked out with a whole bunch of new curves and sharp points and aerofoils so that it resembles not so much a scimitar as much as the most aerodynamic breadknife ever made.

When my crew managed to lift me 8ack to safety, I instructed them to circle the spot three times, so that we might see it again. With some of the Grand High8lood’s 8est and 8rightest hot on our trail, though, time was of the essence if we were to a8scond without another duel on our hands.

The boss monster glances down at you. It resembles a giant imperial drone, but with much sharper edges and completely overdecorated with an assortment of massive metal spikes. You turn to look at your teammates, who are all still behind cover, with Aradia being held back from rushing to help you by the other three. She keeps yelling about how it’s not safe for you to be out there by yourself, and they insist that she wouldn’t be any less unsafe than you are right now. That’s bullshit! You thought maybe finally, with Aradia by your side, they might see what an incredible student of hers you are! But no, instead you have to toughen up and let this creature wipe the floor with you.

Several of my crew - even some of my most loyal shipm8s! - considered it too dangerous. It’s not as if I could 8lame them, of course, 8ut my mind was already m8de up, and my orders were my orders. Many of them required some ver8al persuasion. Others still needed to 8e persu8ded 8y a com8in8tion of the physical strength possessed 8y a vicious, co8alt 8looded young woman such as myself, and the psychic advantages that we, the Serkets, might come to 8e notorious for when my reign 8ecomes history. Not that I’m particularly fond of resorting to such unfair advantages I may hold over my crew, 8ut one way or another, they all came to know their pl8ce.

Come on, Carius! In just a sweep and a half you’ll be well on your way to becoming a man! What kind of cerulean blooded young man worth his bloodline’s crest can’t take a bit of a beating? You think to yourself, grip ever tightening on your blade. You know the answer to that one. You’ve BECOME the answer to that one. “What’s this?” She’d shriek in that despicable, shrill growl of Hers. “Only two tonight? Not good enough!”

After our third or8it of the point, I decided to call it a night. After all, the lights of enemy 8attleships had 8roken the horizon at that point, and there were chances even I was not ready to t8ke. I’d heard tales of a gr8 and fearsome hunter from the depths, a perfect assassin who offered his services only to Her Imperious Condescension and those close to her, and through my telescope I saw his 8anner: A single eye struck through 8y two parallel lines.

That’s become her fucking motto, hasn’t it? “Not good enough! Not good enough!” How dare she? How dare she really push you to your limits and beyond, night after night after night, and still criticize you for the slightest of tardiness, still beat you for the rarest of failures! You’re angry, yeah, that’s right! You’re angry, and the tears running down your cheeks are tears of anger! So, blade drawn, you run screaming at the beast.

Thankfully, 8y this point we’d esta8lished a decent map of the surrounding isles. I set our course for an island with mountains far taller than our vessel, and a coast like the shoe of a hoof8east. Clearly the perfect hiding place for us until the seadwelling admiral and his vessels passed 8y. Morale was weak among us, and we had to pick our 8attles. T8king on a figure of his rank would surely spell our demise.

Time to fucking finish this fight before it begins.

It’s easy enough for you to picture the boss as Her - Giant beast? Check. Sharp points? Check. Utterly fucking terrifying? Check check check checkity check check check check! - So swinging the first blow of the battle feels incredibly cathartic. And what little muscle you’re starting to build back up makes the weapon feel infinitely more balanced in your grip. What renders the action far less satisfying, though, is that it basically deals no damage. Nobody backed you up, of course! Why would they? What’s the purpose in rallying behind someone who can’t even protect himself? And by yourself, you’re useless. Helpless. Worthless.  
How this shitty little plan went is exactly what happened if you ever stood up to Her. Do you know why? It’s because She’s so strong. She’s the top of the food chain. And if She’s lived as long as She has, She’s not only strong enough to survive in this world- She’s smart enough too! Who the fuck are you to rebel against Her every last whim? Which of the two of you do you think has so much as the slightest fucking idea of what you’re doing? The giant spider mighty and cunning enough to control you in every way, or you, a little wiggler who isn’t even five sweeps old, who’s *crying* to himself because his favorite little toy sword got stuck in the foot of a giant monster he KNEW he was no match for?  
The boss kicks you off your feet and through the air with no effort, and you impact the ground with enough force to leave a deep skid mark through the grass. Your entire back is covered in one big scrape, and you howl in pain. The other girls (except Aradia) laugh at you almost breathlessly. You hope they choke and fucking die.

Oh great. Members of the other team are coming out from somewhere around a hill to capture you and your... Aradia and her friends.

!!!!!!: You call th@t @ fight? H@h@h@h@h@!!  
!!!!!!: Gïve ït uup, duude! Youu’re a dïsgrace to [2x] the game and youur caste.  
!!!!!!: Come on, th@t w@s @ bit h@rsh. They’re @ whole te@m of f@ilures.  
!!!!!!: she’s right. they probably could have taken it if they all worked together, but...  
!!!!!!: look at him. that’s not a guy you make a team leader or anything.

You recognize these bastards from earlier in the game, and you hated them then, too. The greenblood seems to be their de facto leader, and you haven’t seen her actually fight yet. With the degree of respect she commands, you’re not sure you want to either. The cobalt blood is a snide little bitch, and the way she conducts herself in battle makes you extremely jealous. She seems to fight alone, too, but she has far more levels on you, and she’s skilled enough with her rapier to make levels pretty much irrelevant to begin with. The rustblood is a total fucking psycho, and you’ve been trying to get under his skin from the moment he spat on your sneakers.  
Flanking the trio are a couple of other assholes you find almost equally unbearable. The impossibly tall, muscular lowblood rogue who keeps ramming into you with no warning. The midblood berserker with fangs that could probably strip an animal hide bare in a minute, who delivered a devastating blow to your shoulder earlier before you even realized she’d lifted her arm. The other lowblood - a tank, if you recall correctly - with the pincer-like horns who prefaces every attack with an ear-piercing scream.

??????: why dont youou come over here and start throwing the beTTer kinds of insults  
??????: the ones youou make with fists  
!!!!!!: Belïeve me, we’re consïderïng ït.

You struggle to get to your feet. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire. But you’re conscious, and your sword is in your grip. That’s all that matters.

ARADIA: carius dr0p the sw0rd!  
CARIUS: No.  
ARADIA: as b0th y0ur ment0r and y0ur team leader  
ARADIA: n0t t0 menti0n y0ur friend  
ARADIA: i really cant help but insist y0u dr0p y0ur weap0n and surrender  
ARADIA: its 0k t0 say that we l0st this 0ne  
CARIUS: Fuck no!  
CARIUS: It’s not okay! You said we had something to prove, right? Well I’m not just going to lay around and let you down! And I’m certainly not going to let what little reput8tion among Team Charge I’ve earned as anything more than a mockery and a laughingstock go to w8ste!  
CARIUS: Don’t you guys see???????? As long as we’re still standing, we still have a chance!  
ARADIA: carius please d0nt get y0urself any m0re hurt than y0u already are  
??????: go on dipshit show them whos boSS  
??????: or get youour aSS kicked i dont care  
??????: its a WIN WIN for me  
??????: well i mean if were down to our last res ort then bet ter him than an y of us right  
ARADIA: y0u guys really arent helping any0ne

The rustblood from the opposing team walks over, picks you up by the collar, and throws you flat on your back with ease.

!!!!!!: I hope he @ctually w@s your l@st resort.  
!!!!!!: Bec@use this re@lly isn’t fun @nymore.

The midblood berserker walks over next and elbows her teammate in the ribs, causing him to reel and wheeze. Then, she offers her hand to you and helps you to your feet.

!!!!!!: M4YB3 1F YOU 4R3NT 3NJOY1NG TH1S 4NYMOR3 YOU COULD DO SOM3TH1NG MOR3 CONSTRUCT1V3 THAN B34T1NG TH3 SNOT OUT OF TH1S DUMB4SS W1TH 4 D34TH W1SH  
!!!!!!: Oh, so youu’re juust goïng to [2x] cross youur team at the last [2nd] to make thïngs “more ïnterestïng” or whatever?  
!!!!!!: W3LL NO  
!!!!!!: OBV1OUSLY 1TS NOT L1K3 1M JUST GONN4  
!!!!!!: 4CTU4LLY TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 1T COULD B3 PR3TTY 1NT3R3ST1NG  
!!!!!!: pyrope.  
!!!!!!: return to your station *now*.  
!!!!!!: that is an order that i’m issuing as team leader. It’s not up for debate.  
!!!!!!: OH NO! YOUV3 SUR3 GOT M3 TH3R3!  
!!!!!!: HOW 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO 4B4NDON MY T34M FOR TH3 R341ND3R OF TH3 G4M3 1F MY T34M L34D3R T3LLS M3 NOT TO???  
!!!!!!: H3Y YOU  
!!!!!!: W31RD K1D W1TH TH3 31GHT 3Y3S  
CARIUS: Who, me????????  
!!!!!!: NO 1 M34N TH3 OTH3R W31RD K1D W1TH 31GHT 3Y3S  
!!!!!!: BL4R 1S TH1S R34LLY 4LL 1 H4V3 TO WORK W1TH H3R3  
!!!!!!: 1M 4PPO1NT1NG YOU L34D3R OF WH4T3V3R HYPOTH3T1C4L T34M MY D3S3RT1ON COULD H4V3 L4ND3D M3 1N  
CARIUS: Is that, like, a thing you can do????????  
!!!!!!: 1 KNOW TH3 RUL3BOOK L1K3 TH3 B4CK OF MY CL4W 4ND TH3R3S NOTH1NG PROH1B1T1NG 1T 4ND NOBODY 1N 4NY POS1T1ON TO STOP M3  
!!!!!!: TH@T’S ONLY BEC@USE NOBODY’S EVER CONSIDERED @ M@NEUVER THIS STUPID BEFORE!  
!!!!!!: you know what? fine. have it your way.  
!!!!!!: you want to join the losing team? be my guest.  
!!!!!!: WHO S41D 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT LOS1NG  
!!!!!!: L1K3 1 S41D 1 W4S JUST H3R3 TO M4K3 TH1NGS MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG

With a hop and a skip, she breaks into a sprint towards the giant robot, draws two blades, and digs them into its jagged, metallic flesh. The beast roars, but she clings tight and one at a time, she begins hitching her blades higher and higher up, up over its ankle, into its calf, towards its knee...  
The android holds out its leg and tries to shake her off, but she rises to her feet and runs up its thigh, keeping her blades piercing its hide as she goes. Faster than anyone can register, she darts from its hip to its shoulder to its chest to any one of a million other points on its body, trailing her two cuts the whole time. Nobody can seem to keep track of her (least of all the monster itself, still struggling in vain to dislodge her), until she appears just above its head. In one fluid motion, she drives both points into its skull and the

Giant

Topples

Over.

When it crashes to the ground, she rises from its carcass looking pretty badly fucked up from the impact. After a deep breath, she raises a blade triumphantly.  
None of you know what to say. You all just stare at her in total astonishment.  
She limps over to you, turns to everyone else, and pokes her thumb in your direction.

!!!!!!: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WHO TH1S 4SSW1P3 1S BUT H3S JUST B33N 4V3NG3D  
!!!!!!: TO TH3 4L4RM1NGLY F3W OF YOU WHO S33M TO G1V3 4 SH1T 4BOUT H1S W3LLB31NG:  
!!!!!!: YOUR3 W3LCOM3 >:]  
CARIUS: Holy shit, that was fucking awesome!  
!!!!!!: UMM Y34H 1M PR3TTY SUR3 TH4T W3NT W1THOUT S4Y1NG  
!!!!!!: 4NYW4Y FORG1V3 MY TOT4L LOS3R J3RKF4C3 FR13NDS FOR B31NG TH3 4BSOLUT3 WORST SPORTS  
!!!!!!: YOU KNOW HOW 1T 1S  
!!!!!!: 1N F4CT FROM WH4T 1 G4TH3R3D FROM TH3 L1K3 TWO M1NUT3S 1 SP3NT W4TCH1NG YOU GUYS 1 D3C1D3D TH4T L1T3R4LLY 3V3RYON3 H3R3 3XC3PT TH1S STUBBORN C3RUL34N BOY  
!!!!!!: TH4T SPOOKY LOOK1NG BURGUNDY G1RL OV3R TH3R3  
ARADIA: 0u0  
!!!!!!: 4ND MOST OF 4LL M3  
!!!!!!: K1ND OF SUCKS

Everyone bar you and Aradia immediately yells at her. She gestures for them all to be quiet, and given what she just achieved, they comply.

!!!!!!: B4S1C4LLY 4LL 1M S4Y1NG 1S TH4T 1M L3TT1NG  
!!!!!!: UHHHH  
!!!!!!: WH4T W4S YOUR N4M3  
CARIUS: Carius Serket.  
!!!!!!: PL34S3D TO M33T YOU FUCK1NG N3RD W1TH 4 FUCK1NG N3RD N4M3 1M T3R3Z1  
TEREZI: 4NYW4Y 4S 1 W4S S4Y1NG  
TEREZI: 1M L3TT1NG C4R1US W1N 4S 4 CONSOL4T1ON PR1ZE FOR H4LF OF YOU LOS3RS TH1NK1NG S3ND1NG 4 G14NT N34RLY 1NV1NC1BL3 ROBOT TO F1GHT H1M W4S 4 GOOD 1D34 4ND TH3 OTH3R H4LF FOR TH1NK1NG TH3 S4M3 TH1NG 4BOUT S3ND1NG H1M TO F1GHT TH3 G14NT N34RLY 1NV1NC1BL3 ROBOT >:[  
ARADIA: f0r what its w0rth i think that display 0f val0r and c0urage he made in trying t0 lead us against the r0b0t makes him m0re than w0rthy 0f claiming the reward  
TEREZI: 1 W4SNT 4SK1NG FOR YOUR OP1N1ON BUT 1 R3SP3CT 1T NON3TH3L3SS  
TEREZI: J33Z C4N YOU 1M4G1N3 4NY OF TH3 CHUMPS FROM MY T34M T4K1NG TH1S 4S 4 L3SSON 1N-  
!!!!!!: urgh.  
!!!!!!: pyrope, please. if you’re so adamant on surrendering the treasure, could you please just do that and be done with it?  
!!!!!!: i’m already on the verge of at least temporarily banning you from team fury.  
TEREZI: F111111N3

She hands you a brightly colored treasure map. It’s practically illegible unless you squint.

CARIUS: Ugh, why does it look like that?  
TEREZI: YOU M34N 4W3SOM3?  
TEREZI: NO N33D TO TH4NK M3 NOW JUST GO ON YOUR W4Y 4ND CL41M YOUR STUP1D FUCK1NG TR34SUR3

The treasure’s not stupid. It’s immeasurably valuable, in a way nobody else is going to understand. You straighten your collar, thank her profusely (but not too profusely! You don’t want anyone to pick up on the fact that this thing is actually important, lest they challenge you for it), take her map, and depart.

It leads you down the coast to what you at first mistake for a natural cave, eroded away by eons of tides ebbing and flowing, but the subtle carvings on the walls tell you otherwise.  
It’s a warning, written in an old tongue, but you don’t particularly care to read it out. You’re far, far too excited to do anything except get this treasure and get out of here. You shove your hands in your pockets and flap your wrists about. You don’t know why you hide it while nobody’s looking. But now that you’ve been around other people for the better part of a sweep, hanging out, and making friends (well, almost), you kind of feel ashamed stimming out in the open.  
In trying to contain your excitement and failing, and in trying to contain your shame at “trying to contain your excitement and failing”, and succeeding, you don’t even notice the tripwire strung out just before you until your sneaker gets caught up under it and you fall forward. Someone catches you by the waist before your face connects with the ground, thankfully enough, and you right yourself.

ERIDAN: youre wwelcome

Oh fuck. What’s he doing here?

ERIDAN: i disabled all the traps wwhoevver wwas here beforehand left lyin around in this cavve so youre perfectly safe  
ERIDAN: wwell as safe as you can be wwhile stuck in a cavve wwith yours truly but hey beggars cant be choosers  
ERIDAN: and make no mistake land dwweller youre gonna beg

He pins you to the wall. For a moment, his lips hover ever so slightly above yours. Did you ask him out? You can’t remember. You’ve been trying really hard not to think about him at all for perigees. But he pushes back off of you and splays the fingers on his right hand like a fan.  
Between his index and middle digit sits a fluorite-blue octahedron. You’ve been collecting others just like it whenever the opportunity arises. Already you’ve found two on what you called “detours” on your hunts, one in another game, and one more you’d purchased in an online auction.  
There are only eight in existence, you’re certain (Mindfang destroyed every spare shortly before her death, as a precaution), and all eight are designed for use in conjunction with one another if their full power is to be awakened. What that might be, you’re not sure yet, but fuck if you’re going to let Eridan stand between you and finding out.  
You reach out to grab it from him, but he holds your neck to the wall with his left hand and holds his right as far away from you as he can reach.

ERIDAN: howw about wwe think about this for a second cari  
ERIDAN: you wwant this thing so bad  
ERIDAN: hmm lets make a deal  
ERIDAN: you let me keep it  
ERIDAN: and i dont tell ara wwhat happened to my old team  
CARIUS: Y- y-  
CARIUS: Why do- do you w-  
ERIDAN: wwhy do i wwant this die so bad  
ERIDAN: oh come on isnt it obvvious  
ERIDAN: i thought you wwere finally a kismesis wworthy a my razor wwit but clearly breathin air for so long fucked your head up like decompression sickness  
ERIDAN: i dont care about this stupid wworthless thing  
ERIDAN: but you do  
ERIDAN: and that makes you enthralled to me  
ERIDAN: i got wwhat you wwant dryboy the fuck you gonna do about it

You remember when you started playing this game, you’d ask yourself now and again, “What would Mindfang do?”  
You don’t even need to ask it anymore. It’s second nature. No, it’s not even that anymore: it’s first nature. In essence, and appearance, and lineage, you’re well on your way to becoming Mindfang. You don’t need to worry about what she would do anymore, because you’d do the same.

MINDFANG: P- Put me-  
MINDFANG: Down...

He snickers. You feel your extremities begin to buzz while his grip starves you of oxygen, but you’re no less determined to wipe that smile off his face if he doesn’t comply.

ERIDAN: or else wwhat  
ERIDAN: i dont havve to listen to a fuckin midblood

You slip one hand into each gill. He coughs and lets go of you. You drop to the cave floor and bowl him over with a sweeping kick. Both of you climb up off the ground at the same time, and you grab his dice hand, now balled into a fist, with both hands and desperately try to pry it open. He grabs your right wrist with his free hand, and you send your knee directly between his legs in response. He yelps in agony and drops the die. You snatch it up before it even hits the ground, and in that same fluid motion, bring your fist up into his nose. The uppercut knocks him back, and his head hits the wall. You grab him by his violet tuft of hair and bring his face into your knee.

MINDFANG: Who sent you?  
ERIDAN: i-  
MINDFANG: WHO THE FUCK SENT YOU HERE????????  
ERIDAN: calm the fuck dowwn cari youre being a real bitch  
MINDFANG: You don’t get to tell me to calm down, alright?

You connect face and knee once again.

MINDFANG: Answer the fucking question 8efore i force-feed you your own shame glo8es, you worthless piece of jetsam!  
ERIDAN: i wwish i could answwer your question but i dont havve a name  
MINDFANG: Give me a username. A 8lood color. A quirk. Anything.  
ERIDAN: i dont fuckin knoww cari  
ERIDAN: youre scarin me  
MINDFANG: Yeah, I’d fucking hope so.

You press the thumb of your free hand against his eye. You don’t wanna do this, but you’re going to make him talk one way or another.

ERIDAN: seriously theres fuck all i can tell you  
ERIDAN: no username  
ERIDAN: hes hemoanon like a fuckin loser and in wwhite text too  
ERIDAN: and-  
MINDFANG: Quirkless.  
ERIDAN: oh dont tell me you knoww him  
ERIDAN: last thing i need is gettin caught up in your ridiculous wweb of blueblood drama  
MINDFANG: Yeah, I...

You let go of his hair.

CARIUS: I know him.  
CARIUS: I’m gonna have to deal with this sooner rather than l8r. He’s always such a meddler! I can never catch a 8r8k with that guy!  
CARIUS: Don’t let me see you again for a while, alright? I’m fucking sick of your stupid smug f8ce.

You stick the die in your pocket and march back up to the rest of your party. Surprise surprise, they’re all gone.  
You guess that’s not all bad. At least now you have time to yell at you-know-who. You pull your phone out of your pocket, and find he’s already sent you a message covering his own ass. Not that it’s going to do him any good, of course, when you tear him a new one.

Now, before you get upset, I’d like to at least clarify a few things. And since you aren’t going to be checking your messages for another two minutes and sixteen seconds, I’ll do exactly that.  
First of all, and most importantly, instructing Mr. Ampora to intercept you was for your own good.  
You would not have been as fortunate as he had in overcoming the traps left for you in that cave.  
Second of all, is having yet another eighth of the weapon in your possession not cause for celebration?  
AG: I’m sure it would 8e, under 8etter fucking circumstances!  
AG: Now he’s going to tell Aradia a8out my lusus’s deal!!!!!!!!  
Oh, come, come. You and I both know Ms. Megido is a very reasonable young woman. I’m sure she’ll listen to you if you calm down and explain yourself rationally.  
AG: Yeah, I dou8t it.  
And I don’t.  
It’s hardly worth getting worked up over, especially if it’s not something you can undo.  
That’s advice that will do you well more frequently than you’d ever admit in the coming sweeps, by the way.  
What your problem is, Ms. Serket, is that you’ve begun to take defeat for granted.  
AG: Okay, first off: I’m a guy.  
Oh! My apologies. I wasn’t aware.  
AG: Apology accepted.  
AG: 8ut anyway, don’t you think I have a reason to suspect that nothing’s gonna go my way here?  
Of course you do.  
But what do you have to lose in trying to defend yourself?  
AG: ...  
“...”?  
AG: “........”!!!!!!!!  
AG: Fine.  
AG: Fine fine fine fine  
AG: Fine!  
AG: FINE!  
AG: F8NE!!!!!!!!  
AG: I’ll talk to her. I’ll tell her everything. Hey, it can’t make her see me any *worse*.  
AG: 8ut you didn’t “make me” do this with your stupid mind games or whatever. Alright?  
That’s correct, actually. This is a conclusion you’d have come to without my interference. All I’m doing is acting as the catalyst for your epiphany.  
For now, anyway.  
AG: Ugh, sure. Whatever.  
AG: If shit goes pear shaped, though, I’m holding you accounta8le. Am I clear?

You know his rhythm by now, of course. He’s already done with this conversation, and you won’t be getting another reply.  
God, you love that dude, but he can just be... so exhausting sometimes! What’s his deal!!!!!!!! You suspect you’ll never truly know.

⁂

You end up putting it off, of course. You don’t really have the guts to be the one to talk first, even though you know it’s for the best. You haven’t talked to anyone since the incident at all, in fact. You just follow the news on the messageboards, and even when games come up, you can’t really bring yourself to show your face.  
All you do at this point is hunt, and burn through Mindfang’s journal, and you’re getting pretty fast at both. You’ve finally earned your lusus’s praise, by becoming Her unfeeling automaton. But it doesn’t last. Whenever your depression turns from apathy to misery, She runs you back into your emotional fatigue. Eventually, it becomes so normal that feeling anything at all feels wrong.  
You have no idea what you’re going to do when you finish the journal, though. You don’t know what you’re going to become if your life becomes nothing but the slaughter in Her name. You suppose such a concern is as good a sign as ever that you should talk to her.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA].

AG: So, I can only take it that 8y now you’ve heard the truth.  
AA: carius  
AA: whats g0tten int0 y0u  
AA: i d0nt want t0 believe that y0u w0uld ever  
AA: i  
AA: i cant even say it  
AA: h0w c0uld y0u  
AG: I’m sorry, Aradia. I really wish things didn’t have to 8e this way. I really do.  
AG: I would give anything to undo all that stuff I’ve done, 8ut...  
AG: I can’t! Them’s the 8r8ks!  
AA: is that really it  
AA: is that y0ur excuse  
AA: that y0u d0nt enj0y this  
AA: i cant believe y0u  
AG: Aradia, please! Listen!  
AG: I’ve told you time and time again that my life is a fucking nightmare, and this is exactly what I’ve 8een trying to tell you!  
AG: I’ve 8een so scared that something like this would happen, you know. ::::(

Going too long without reading almost anything but Mindfang’s journal has left your words ringing more cold and cynical than you’d hoped. Come on, let’s try to bring this in a little. Don’t be afraid to be dramatic! The truth already basically demands it.

AG: Every night, my lusus demands sacrifices.  
AG: Only three at first, 8ut she’s moved up to four a night now and I’m terrified.  
AG: I’m terrified, Aradia! Every single fucking night of my life, four young low8loods with their whole lives ahead of them have to have their futures just *snuffed out* so that my lusus is satisfied enough with me to not 8eat me into a cerulean smear! Do you have any idea what living like this is doing to me????????  
AG: And I’m...!  
AG: Scared.  
AG: I’m wondering, is this really 8etter? That I survive 8eyond just the next couple of sweeps, carrying the w8 of what I’ve done on my shoulders my whole life? Seeing everything I’ve seen?  
AG: I have powers, Aradia. Mind powers, like the first few rungs on the hemospectrum! 8ut different.  
AG: I can feel everything that everyone around me feels. It’s more a curse than a 8lessing most of the time actually, lol!  
AA: carius...  
AG: Do you know how it feels to die?  
AG: I do.  
AG: There’s no words to descri8e it, 8ut I’m pro8a8ly more familiar with it than any other emotion I have the capacity for at this point. Every night, I feel it again and again and again! Every night I die and I die and I die!  
AG: Do you have any idea what *that’s* doing to me????????  
AG: 8ecause I sure fucking don’t!!!!!!!!  
AA: 0h  
AA: i am s0 s0 s0rry i  
AA: im at a l0ss f0r w0rds  
AA: that never happens  
AA: 0r at least n0t like this  
AG: Thanks.  
AG: I don’t know what else to say. I’m tired of this.  
AG: I’m tired of everything.  
AG: 8UT I’M T8O MUCH OF 8 COW8RD TO JUST 8ITE TH8 8ULL8T AND FUCK8NG DIE!!!!!!!!  
AG: Sii8iiiiigh.  
AG: I’m s8rry y8u have to s8e me like th8s.  
AA: im s0rry this is a side 0f y0urself y0u have t0 live with t0 begin with  
AA: wait  
AA: i just remembered s0mething  
AA: meet me at the crater where we first met  
AG: Now?  
AA: yes n0w!  
AA: i have s0mething f0r y0u  
AA: its n0t much but  
AA: y0u have a l0t 0f things in y0ur life t0 w0rry ab0ut  
AA: i just want t0 cr0ss this 0ne 0ff the list  
AA: 0u0

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].

Well, that’s spooky. But the first time anyone has been nice to you in... well, who knows how long? You’re not going to look a gift hoofbeast in the mouth.

You look at yourself in the mirror and don your jacket, just like you did on that night you first met her. You look less like Her Carius with this thing on, you think, and more like yours.

You run downstairs to go out and meet her but you don’t so much as leave the hive. Is that understood?

[CARIUS}: Oh god.  
[CARIUS]: Oh fucking god, don’t tell me you-  
[SPIDERMOM]: Don’t tell me what I can and can’t tell you.  
[SPIDERMOM]: I sensed empathy for a rustblood, and you should be well aware that such a thing cannot go unpunished.  
[SPIDERMOM]: If you dare associate with those below your station, don’t expect to be treated any better than them.  
[SPIDERMOM]: Come to me.

Without question, you turn and descend the stairs. The movement is Hers, even if the body is yours. You tug away, you try desperately to fight it, but She tightens her grip and you run down the stairs to meet Her. You walk out onto the platform, forward, forward, forward, and you try to scream but your jaw won’t budge, and you just keep walking until you reach the end,

And you step off.

She catches you in a net of webbing between her two palps, and puts you back on the platform.

SPIDERMOM: Do you see how easy that was for me?  
SPIDERMOM: Your continued survival is nothing more than the highest of mercy I can offer.  
CARIUS: What... I don’t...  
SPIDERMOM: The rustblood.  
SPIDERMOM: Bring her to me. It’s time I taught you a very, very important lesson.  
CARIUS: No!  
SPIDERMOM: No?! Do you not see what hot water you’re already in, for befriending her?!?! AND NOW YOU DARE DEFY ME?!?!?!?!

She sticks a claw in your hair, which is now enough of a mess for her to lift you by, and flicks you back into the stairwell without even the slightest of effort.

SPIDERMOM: Bring her to me, now.  
[SPIDERMOM]: Before I’m forced to do it myself.

At her psychic behest, you stagger to your feet and walk out where She can reach you again.

[CARIUS]: No.  
[CARIUS]: She’s my fucking friend, and I’m not going to let you t8ke that away from me!  
[SPIDERMOM]: Very well.  
[SPIDERMOM]: If I have to assume complete control, so be it.  
[CARIUS]: But you can’t say I didn’t warn you this would happen.

Like a good boy, you stay completely still. Don’t worry, my child, I won’t let your autonomy mislead you. Do you feel this? Do you feel the part of the mind I’m pressing my claw up against? Doesn’t it feel like such a burden? Doesn’t it feel so *wrong*, clinging on, all soft and bloated and squishy? Wouldn’t it be so much easier if I just

Tore

It

Away?

Your body reacts violently, of course: I’m sure my psychic assault must have some unfortunate neurological consequences for someone of your age, but it’s best to teach them young, no?  
Ignore the blood coming from your aural canals. That’s only natural. Stand up. Ignore how your legs feel frozen, ignore how they shake, ignore everything that isn’t me.

Bring her here.

[8ut... 8ut how????????]

Let me show you what I just unearthed in your mind. You told your friend you have powers, yes? Well, may I introduce you to the only power that matters!  
Several miles away, a young rustblooded girl feels a voice - your voice - enter her mind, and call her forth. Her own psychic abilities not completely realized just yet, she cannot ignore or disobey it. And it calls her. It calls her to you. She breaks into a sprint that will last her the entire journey, and she will not tire or falter. And you will kneel here and await her the entire time.  
Excellent work, my child. And here she is now! Can’t you feel her get closer? Can’t you feel her descend the stairs? There she is now, and i see y0u kneeling in terr0r, bl00d p0uring fr0m every 0rifice 0n y0ur face, washed clean by 0nly y0ur tears in tw0 narr0w streams, and the illusi0n breaks.

0h my g0d carius what has she d0ne t0 y0u?

i reel and c0ver my m0uth in sh0ck and shake my head because despite everything i still didnt believe y0u

i didnt believe that such a kind hearted beautiful b0y like y0u lives like this

and i cry because i believe y0u n0w

i believe everything y0u t0ld me

I had every intention of devouring her, of course, but this is far more interesting. Child, tell all of your lowblood friends to stay away from my son. And you, Carius, disinfect the floor on her departure.  
You stand up, slowly, your pulse skyrocketing and your ears ringing, and you want to just go out there and tell her that you kept this all from her because you didn’t want her caught up in this metaphorical web, much less its literal counterpart, but you can’t. Before you can so much as open your mouth, she turns and runs up the stairs and you know she’s never ever coming back to this wretched place. 

You wish you could say the same for yourself.

⁂

She doesn’t tell anyone anything, thankfully. This is just a fucked-up little secret that only you and her can know.  
She left her gift by your doorstep, and you decided that night that somehow, you’d have to repay her. To really repay her. Because, sure, maybe friends get each other simple gifts when they’re feeling down, but only somebody really special would get you the last three pieces of the FLUORITE OCTET.  
How did she even get her hands on these, you wonder???????? You don’t know. It’s been a while since you flarped with her. That all changes tonight, though.

You saunter over to your group again. Some of them double-take when they see you, and when you speak, it’s with unprecedented confidence. Channeling Mindfang happens so often now that you don’t even realize it half the time. It’s like she’s just become a part of you. It’s like when you pretend to be her, your confidence just goes through the roof! You become your own person - not an extension of Her, for once - free to do whatever you please and never apologizing to anyone for it!

MINDFANG: Hey, guys. It’s 8een a while, huh?  
??????: WhO WerE YoU AgaiN  
??????: {ive {literally {never {seen {this {guy {before {in {my {life}}}}}}}}}}

You’re just going to ignore the fact that there are people far newer to the group than you are, who have fit in better than you ever did.

ARADIA: 0h w0w its s0 w0nderful t0 finally see y0u back in the game  
ARADIA: um  
ARADIA: wheres y0ur sw0rd  
MINDFANG: I don’t need it. I’m changing class.  
ARADIA: 0h? t0 what?

You let the question hang in the air for a second. You’re an obscure class now, sure, and as far as you can tell, the hardest one to master. Notorious for it, in fact, if the messageboards and forums are to be trusted. But with these eight dice, you’re the perfect fit. Not to mention that with that brief stint in which you and Aradia stopped talking, your health went downhill a bit. So really, choosing a class that doesn’t need to lug anything massive around is kind of a huge bonus.

MINDFANG: Petticoat Seagrift.  
MINDFANG: I’d 8een contempl8ing it for a while, and I decided that if I’m gonna get everyone to take me seriously, I’m going to 8e starting in the deep end.  
??????: you cAn’t do that! that’s a female-only class, numBglobes.  
MINDFANG: Oh, I’m aware! I did my fucking research. Give me a 8reak, alright?  
MINDFANG: 8ut I’m starting a new character for this.

You pull out a folded sheet of paper from your pocket and pass it to Aradia. She looks over your new character sheet, brow furrowed, and then she smiles.

ARADIA: marquise spinneret mindfang huh  
ARADIA: well then ms mindfang  
ARADIA: welc0me t0 team charge  
MINDFANG: Glad to 8e 8ack.

You grin out of the corner of your mouth, baring your left fang.

MINDFANG: So, what’s tonight’s campaign?

⁂

It went well, of course. Really well. You’re a natural at the role of Petticoat Seagrift, and when you’re not, well, you consider yourself perfectly justified and in character to cheat.  
Over the next few campaigns, you cheat too many times to count. You rig dice roles, you take shortcuts, you skip some fights entirely. Hell, sometimes you use that mind control ability your lusus gave you when shit gets really dire! And nobody catches you out on any of it! The only games where you play by the rules all the time are those where that Terezi girl is on the other team. She scares you, honestly! And not just because of the way she happens to be, although that certainly helps.  
As time goes on, you connect the dots and discover a select few of the other players have ancestors like you do. Tavros has Mindfang’s matesprit, Eridan has her kismesis, and Terezi, her archrival.

AG: So can you 8lame me for 8eing intimid8ed 8y her????????  
AG: I’m already one out of two in the first two categories, so the way I see it, it’s honestly, like, fifty-fifty chance that she’d 8e that formida8le a foe to me!  
AG: And this is one chance I’m completely terrified of, 8elieve me!  
AT: i BELIEVE YOU, aND ALSO THINK THAT ME NOT DOING THAT WOULD BE REALLY WEIRD ANYWAY, gIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES AS NOT SOMETHING REALLY ALL THAT WORTH LYING ABOUT, iN MY OPINION,  
AT: i ALSO HOPE THAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT ERIDAN BEING YOUR KISMESIS EARLIER, aND NOT BEING YOUR MATESPRIT,  
AT: iT WOULD BE KIND OF WEIRD IF WE HAD A RELATIONSHIP AND I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IT,,,  
AG: Ewwwwwwww, no!!!!!!!!  
AG: I mean, you’re an alright guy.  
AG: 8ut we kind of drifted apart, you know?  
AT: yEAH,,,  
AG: And in retrospect, you’re kind of lame!  
AT: uHHH,  
AG: No offense, I just mean you ought to 8e a lot tougher than you actually are!  
AG: As it is, it’s as if you’re totally o8livious to how harsh life is!  
AG: I used to 8e like that too, always lying to myself and saying that hey, the world isn’t such a 8ad place! May8e tonight was 8ad, 8ut tomorrow might 8e 8etter!  
AG: And eventually, I figured it all out!  
AT: fIGURED WHAT OUT,,,,  
AG: It never gets 8etter! Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever!!!!!!!!  
AG: Not until you take the world 8y the reins and MAKE it listen to you!  
AT: tHAT SOUNDS DANGEROUS, aND NOT REALLY LIKE YOU,  
AG: Damn fucking str8 it’s not like me! The me you knew is gone! Now I’m in his pl8ce, and I’m 8etter in every way!

Yeah. That’s right! Every single fucking way! How foolish you were, to ever think you could be better than Mindfang! You ARE her, you’re-

You’re...

Um.

Okay, this is embarrassing. Not that you’ve never thought about it before, of course, but...

But you were wrong. Yeah! That’s right! That’s what happened! You were wrong, and She told you as much, and She gave you a good fucking talking to about it all. But there’s...

God, do you really have to think about this?  
You suppose there’s no point putting it off any longer. You need to accept the fact that when people address you like your character, it makes you feel a little warmer inside. And there’s no denying the fact that your character is... is... is... urgh!

Why are your thoughts so all over the place???????? You’ve got a little power fantasy going on! That’s why you like being compared to her so much!

Okay, that is a big part of it. You’re not going to pretend otherwise! But it’s not like everyone’s suddenly become nicer to you, or started holding your character in higher regard! Literally the only thing they’ve changed about the way they treat you, is, is, is!!!!!!!!

It’s your fucking pronouns, dipshit. That’s the independent variable here.

Urgh! Get a grip, holy shit! It’s not like you’re suddenly a fucking tr-  
Oh god, you’re crying. It’s not, like, a few tears or anything this time either: you’re properly sobbing like a fucking wiggler. You slump down to the floor. Shshshhhshhshhhshshshhh. C’mon, dude. It’s all fine. No need to cry. You’re just... stunted! That’s right! You’re overworked, at four victims a night now, and you’re just having trouble sorting out your feelings! Geez, you’re kind of a fuck up for still having any.  
You could always ask that weird little white ball you found, right? It knows everything! What’s it going to tell you, the truth???????? You’re not afraid of the tr8th! Haha, y8u can h8ndle it all J8ST F8NE!!!!!!!!

You take a deep breath, and don those special glasses Equius made for you. It seemed awfully nice of him, to make them for you, but he’ll really do anything if you tell him it’s a challenge. You brush off the huge stacks of dice and sheets of paper left all over your desk, tossing it all over the floor without a care in the world until you find that little white ball.  
When you pick the magic cue ball up, it feels hefty, but in a very finely balanced way. In the right lens of your glasses, it appears as no more than a shrunken-down version of the round white dealie from arena stickball (you don’t know much about sports, unfortunately). But in the l- (unsportunately.) (sorry.) But in the left lens, you see an inky black void, where the answer to any question you care to ask will come forth.  
You can’t believe it’s really this easy! Putting your worries to rest is as simple as wondering it aloud! You’re not going to lie: this thing has come in handy more times than you can count! You practically start every night off wondering what the weather’s going to be, what kind of mood your lusus is going to be in if you go talk to her, which lowbloods are worth hunting, that sort of thing. The only time you’ve ever asked it any serious questions is when you’ve needed to cheat. Okay, yeah, you guess you forgot that you also cheat in this way! But you can’t blame you. There’s too much to keep track of.  
And sure, you’ve asked it big questions before, like “when will the world end” (alarmingly soon, apparently), “is there really another person out there destined to 8e my m8sprit” (destiny doesn’t really work like that, it told you, but more or less yes), and a whole bunch of other questions along that line. But those were just for fun! This is... wow, you’re really doing this?

CARIUS: Am...

One syllable is enough to exhaust you, but it’s too late to turn around now. You have to know! You have to make it official, that you’re Carius Serket and that’s that!

CARIUS: I...

You’re making slow progress in saying four fucking words. Seriously, do you think this is cute or something? Does it make the (you desperately hope) inevitable affirmation that more satisfying? Or are you stalling these last few moments because you really can’t bear the writing on the wall?

CARIUS: A...

Do you know who freaks out about their own gender upon thinking about it for eight seconds this much? Here’s a fucking hint, genius: it’s not cisgender people!!!!!!!!  
But you know that. You just need somebody to tell you. You need it more than words can say.  
Your final word is an incredibly offensive word that you’ve heard (and used. Urgh.) directed at people whose genders don’t correspond to that which they were assigned at their respective hatchings. You don’t know the correct terminology just yet, so you assume this is normal.  
You wince with your eyes shut before it can actually answer. It takes you a second to build up the courage to open your eyes again and when you do, you regret it.

There’s your fucking answer, whatever your name is now. Hope you’re happy.

God.

Godddddddd.

Well, you can’t just sulk around all night. You’re only going to make yourself feel worse. Let’s do something cool and constructive and fun! Like, uh...

Well, you suppose you could talk to him about it. Play a few more rounds of his insane variation on chess all the while.  
Yeah, you know what? You’ll do that.

AG: Alright, let me think my next move through. I have a lot on my pl8 right now.

You consult your advantage.

AG: Queen to L22-dexter. You know, we could just switch to standard chess anytime.  
And miss out on the opportunity to conduct and execute maneuvers this convoluted? Please, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.  
Bold move, by the way. Not one I expected of you.  
AG: Awwwwwwww, thanks! It was really a spur of the moment kind of thing to get the 8all rolling again, 8ut in retrospect it felt like the right move to make!  
I don’t doubt it. In fact, such a bold decision has the potential to bring you a most fortuitous outcome.  
Knight to H13-sinister.  
Tell me, does the involvement of your queen symbolize anything?  
Perhaps something to do with the fact that one could describe her as “coming out”?  
AG: Yes, actually. How did you know?  
I know exactly what moves you’d make if nothing were weighing on your mind. And I must say, that was not one of them.  
AG: Wow, you’re good.  
For reasons beyond anything I feel, or ever will feel, any obligation to explain to you, you could not be further from the truth.  
But clearly we have much to discuss pertaining to a far more pressing matter at hand. You seem upset by something.  
AG: Yeah, uh,  
AG: Promise you won’t judge me for this!!!!!!!!  
I won’t judge you for this.  
Please, this is hardly enjoyable when you back me into conversational corners where everything I say ends up being precisely what people make of it.  
Not to imply that I’m not cherishing every moment I spend talking to you, of course, but your directness renders my talents wasted.  
But I digress, and you don’t care about any of that yet. You had a matter you wished to discuss.  
AG: Alright, here goes.  
AG: God, this is pretty heavy stuff! Fingers crossed in the hopes that may8e i can type it all out and send it 8efore I 8r8k down and delete it 8ll out of sh8me!!!!!!!!  
AG: I...  
AG: Think I’m the wrong gender.  
Do you?  
AG: Well, okay. I guess I fucking know I am, 8ut I’ve just 8een avoiding accepting that, for... how long?  
AG: I don’t even know.  
Your entire life?  
AG: I don’t know, may8e.  
That was a statement.  
The fact that it was followed by a question mark has no bearing on this fact, and its presence is merely for aesthetic value.  
Bear in mind that I’m far from the best person to address on this issue. Not because of my lack of knowledge and wisdom, of course: claiming I am anything less than perfectly absolute in either field would be an outright lie, aside from a few exceptions with very specific wording.  
But neither of us are going to make any such claim in conversation with one another anytime soon.  
AG: I don’t follow.  
And I’m not leading.  
Regardless, you have nothing to gain from bringing this issue up with me.  
If I may say so, though, I believe this newfound identity will eventually result in positive consequences many orders of magnitude greater and more significant than any upset or inconvenience you experience for it.  
It will certainly result in you becoming more attractive.  
AG: Um????????  
AG: Okay, I think?  
AG: God, please don’t ever say anything like that again.  
That’s a rather vague thing to ask.  
Asking me to refrain from flattery is a waste of time, as I do not deal with anything but the truth.  
Asking me to refrain from complimenting you feels like a dampener on the mood of this undeniably compelling emotion called “friendship”.  
And telling me to never deliver another objective fact is a fruitless task.  
Not that you’ll be reading another word of this for a few hours, though, since you’ve already logged off.

You log the hell out of that one. He was probably the worst person to talk to about this, you think. But at least you had the courage to.  
Maybe this is all just a matter of working up the courage! The courage to tell everyone, the courage to live like this! Yeah, yeah you can fucking do that!  
Okay, okay, okay. Eight. Sixteen. Twenty-four. Thirty-two. Forty. Forty-eight. Got it under control. You’ve got it under control. You can do this, you reassure yourself when you look in the mirror. There’s not a damn thing you can’t do.

Over the next couple of perigees, you make more of a deliberate effort to properly lean into your roleplaying. Nobody seems to reciprocate, but you don’t care. You’re just trying to gauge how adverse they’d be to the truth.  
When you arrange campaigns, too, they’re masterfully executed, rich in lore, brilliantly balanced, the works! You arranged sessions in the past, but everyone hated them. They were so lame and tacky and flat and they were really only reserved for weeks where nobody had anything else going on. Now? Now nobody goes home from one of your games unsatisfied. You make a point of offering to coordinate every time you’re up against a team that you recall being particularly nice to you, too. Those guys... you feel like you might be more accepted by them than you would elsewhere, but who’s to say?  
Everyone respects you as a genius and a champion at this game, and can you blame them? You’re THE BEST!

Meanwhile, the hunt’s become trivial. You don’t even feel the slightest bit guilty about it anymore. It’s like you can flip a switch and engage murder mode. Against your better judgement, you embrace it, and it becomes so mechanical and thoughtless. Sometimes you don’t even leave the hive! You’ve gotten so good at mind control, you can reel in suckers from miles around without lifting a finger.  
And that’s good, because not only has it relieved you of your reliance on Aradia, it’s given you time to think of a name. And when you think of a good one, you decide that’s it.

Time to get your fucking game on.

⁂

By the time the big night comes around, your hair reaches your shoulders. Your lips and your eyelashes are a brilliant blue, painted with your own blood (it was the only thing in the right color you had on hand, but hey, dramatic effect is dramatic effect), and your jacket billows out behind you in the wind. There’s no denying it: you’re absolutely, gorgeously stunning. You march up towards the top of the hill where tonight’s going to be taking place, and you grin to yourself.

AG: You know, they’re going to love me. They’re going to fucking 8OW when they see me!  
CT: D --> As they should  
CT: D --> And may I say while I first found your new identity shocking and objectionable  
CT: D --> I am now of the mind that you are becoming the true b100 b100ded noble you were always meant to be  
CT: D --> I understand now that you should not be beholden to any of the same r001s that the lowb100ds you surround yourself with should be  
CT: D --> It is your place to show them whos in charge here  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!  
AG: You know, I used to 8e really put off 8y your whole casteism thing.  
AG: Now, I just find it cute. Laugha8le, even!  
AG: 8eing gr8 isn’t a8out hatching with the right hue in your veins.  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Then enlighten me, ms Serket  
CT: D --> What do you think makes one great  
AG: It’s all a8out am8ition, the strength to seize what you want, and the unwavering determin8tion to not let anyone get in your way.  
AG: 8y that measure,  
AG: I’m the gr8est fucking person you will ever meet.

You put your phone away and finish your hill climb. Everyone gawks at you in amazement, because they’re so impressed! You flick your hair back behind you, and they continue to express their amazement, in laughter, and jeers, and insults, and shouting, and...  
Oh, fuck. Fuck no, this isn’t happening. They’re supposed to be FLOORED by you! So why the hell is a good sixty percent of this group putting you down???????? And why aren’t the other forty percent standing up for you?  
You look over at Tavros and Aradia. They don’t meet your gaze. They share a few brief words with one another, and Aradia beckons you over. You approach her. She puts an arm up over your shoulder and holds you away from the crowd.

MINDFANG: Why the fuck is this happening!!!!!!!!  
MINDFANG: I’ve practically improved every facet of the game for them! Why aren’t they happy for me, like y-

Aradia’s mouth hangs slightly open. A few tears roll down her cheeks. You’ve seen her happy before, and... this isn’t it. Fuck, you haven’t seen her like this since the incident in your hive.

ARADIA: whats g0ing 0n  
ARADIA: i d0nt understand whats with all  
ARADIA: this  
MINDFANG: ...What????????  
MINDFANG: Isn’t it o8vious? I’m finally ready to 8e my real self in front of all you guys! Why is everyone-  
ARADIA: carius please  
ARADIA: when y0u first j0ined this team d0 y0u remember the pr0mise y0u made  
MINDFANG: ........  
ARADIA: y0u pr0mised me y0u w0uldnt embarrass me in fr0nt 0f my team

Your brow tightens in disbelief.

MINDFANG: How dare you?

Is the only thing you can mutter in response.

ARADIA: wh-  
MINDFANG: No, fuck off. Listen to me!  
MINDFANG: How dare you assume that I’m *slighting* you? How dare you think that this is all just one 8ig ela8or8te ja8 at, at your ego or whatever!  
MINDFANG: Do you really think I give enough of a shit a8out you to want to get under your skin this 8adly????????  
MINDFANG: When I came here, it was just to say, “Hey, everyone! I’m a girl now, and you can call me Artemi Serket unless I figure out a 8etter name.”  
MINDFANG: 8ut you know what? Fuck that! In fact, why don’t all of you collectively go fuck yourselves????????  
ARTEMI: Seriously, look at you guys! Fucking laugh it up 8ecause the only person who made your misera8le 8oring old lives worth a damn thing DARES explore her identity, and thinks you’re all m8ture enough to 8e let in on it!  
ARTEMI: Ha! What a joke! Are any of you seriously 8chieving anything with your lives?

You pause, to let them jeer at you a bit more. You don’t listen to them, though. Eight, sixteen, bam. Done. Cool as a legume cylinder.

ARTEMI: Aradia. You wanted to know what all this was a8out, right?  
ARADIA: yes  
ARADIA: please y0ure scaring me  
ARTEMI: Ha! I can’t 8elieve I h8ve to spell it out!  
ARTEMI: Mindfang? This whole character? You know 8etter than anyone else that this was all a way of coping for me. All a means with which to esc8pe. To get aw8y from my lusus!  
ARTEMI: 8ut I’m done running!!!!!!!! I’m gonna stand my ground and fucking fight! Why should I have to keep PRETENDING I’m c8pa8le of 8eing this awesome, amazing person when all I ever do here is PROVE i can 8e just that?  
ARTEMI: We make up all these different versions of ourselves, every hour of every night, and then, what, we actively CHOOSE to 8e the lamest ones almost our whole lives?!  
ARTEMI: Why should I stop 8eing Mindfang when the games finish? Why should I have to stop feeling like I’m fin8lly someone I can 8e happy with, just 8ecause the rest of you all call it a night when the final 8oss is 8eaten and the story’s over????????  
ARTEMI: What’s the point of 8eing someone else if you’re not going to learn from them?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
ARTEMI: FUCK YOU GUYS, FUCK YOUR STUPID INCONSEQUENTIAL M8KE 8ELIEVE GAMES, FUCK YOUR TEAM, FUCK YOUR POINTLESS RULES! MOST OF ALL, FUCK YOU ARADIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
ARADIA: carius i  
ARTEMI: I’m not fucking Carius Serket anymore! Wh8t do I have to s8y to m8ke you understand that?  
ARTEMI: I thought you guys would may8e accept me, after everything I’ve done for this team.  
ARTEMI: None of you know what I’m going through, which I can accept. 8ut you dare ostracize me for, for what? For having different pro8lems to you????????  
ARTEMI: Well, let me go on record as saying this:  
ARTEMI: If you lived every night of every sweep of your life with a 8ody slowly decaying into a living prison, and a name that tastes like *poison*, and every night you were forced to live a life that chips away at every chance you have at a prosperous future 8it 8y 8it 8y 8it 8y shitty little fucking 8it,  
ARTEMI: None of you could DREAM of handling it as well as I have. 8lright? So give me a fucking 8r8k 8efore I’m forced to 8r8k something else.  
ARADIA: is that  
ARADIA: a threat  
ARTEMI: What the fuck do you think it is? Of course it’s a fucking threat!  
ARTEMI: Forgive me for saying something *hurtful and mean* when everyone starts 8ooing me and calling me such o8scene names the moment I show my 8eautiful f8ce!  
ARADIA: y0u kn0w threats 0f physical vi0lence 0utside 0f the sessi0n are strictly pr0hibited  
ARTEMI: “Outside of the session” 8ecause all you guys ever do is draw up 8oundaries like that!  
ARTEMI: Here’s the times where it’s okay to 8e yourself, and here’s the times where it’s not!  
ARTEMI: 8ullshit! You’re all fucking insane.  
ARTEMI: If you give so much of a shit a8out your stupid rules or whatever, here’s a list you might wanna hear.

Nobody dares move as you list every single instance of your cheating at this game. Everyone gawks again, but this time, it’s in horror. Yeah, you prefer this, you think. You MADE them feel this!

ARADIA: carius tell me its n0t true  
ARADIA: tell me n0ne 0f its true!  
ARTEMI: Oh, please! Do you think you can call me that anymore and demand “truth” out of me????????  
ARTEMI: Fuck you, I thought we were friends!

She begins to sob, just like she did that time she saw you tossed on the floor and left to die by your lusus’s hand. If she can’t take you at your weakest, and she can’t take you at your strongest, then what good of a friend is she, really????????

TAVROS: hEY UM,,, aRTEMI,,,  
ARTEMI: Finally, someone gets it right!  
TAVROS: iT’S MY RESPONSIBILITY AS TEAM CO MANAGER,  
TAVROS: wHICH I THINK JUST MEANS THE GUY WITH THE SPARE MANUAL,,,  
TAVROS: tO TELL YOU THAT FOR BREAKING ALL THOSE RULES, iN ALL THOSE AWFUL WAYS, tHAT YOU JUST SAID YOU DID,  
TAVROS: yOU ARE UH,,,  
ARTEMI: I’m what?  
ARTEMI: Spit it out, you tongue-tied little twerp.  
TAVROS: yOU ARE HEREBY PERMANENTLY EXCOMMUNICATED FROM TEAM CHARGE,,,  
ARTEMI: I’m WHAT?  
TAVROS: i KNOW,,, iT’S PRETTY CRAZY,,,  
ARTEMI: Ugh, whatever! It’s not like I need you guys anymore anyway! This team needs me more than I need it!!!!!!!!

You turn and storm the fuck off. You made yourself clear, and if even that’s not enough to get through their thick skulls, nothing ever will be.

⁂

Towards the very end of the night, you find yourself sitting on your floor and fiddling with a couple of dice. Good lord, you are so fucking bored right now!!!!!!!! But it beats whatever lame thing your old team are probably doing right about now. Ha, they must be falling apart without you!  
You’d dick around on Trollian a bit, but your ChumpRoll had basically cut in half in the last few hours. It’s to be expected, of course, but you were expecting at least a few people would rally behind you and send you a friend request.

Speak of the fake immortal entities purplebloods believe in! A solitary “ding” fills the air. You turn to your computer, bolt over when you realize what just happened, and sit up in your big ol’ gaming chair with a grin running from ear to ear.  
You accept the friend request instantly, and she messages you instantlier.

GC: H3Y 4RT3M1  
GC: 1TS T3R3Z1

Oh your god. The coolest girl you’ve ever met sent *you* a friend request????????

GC: 1 H34RD YOU F1N4LLY D3C1D3D TO D1TCH YOUR DUMB LOS3R N4M3 1N F4VOR OF 4 W4Y COOL3R ON3 4ND 4 BUNCH OF SH1TW1GGL3RS GOT M4D 4BOUT 1T  
AG: Yeah, what can I say? I guess they couldn’t handle the real me.  
AG: I may as well retire, anyway. I’m just too good at this game!  
GC: WH4T 1F SOM3ON3 COULD H4NDL3 YOU THOUGH  
GC: WH4T 1F SOM3ON3 COULD S33 THROUGH YOUR L4M3 PR3T3ND1NG NOT TO C4R3 BULLSH1T 4ND THOUGHT YOU 4ND SH3 COULD R34LLY M4K3 TH1NGS 1NT3R3ST1NG  
AG: What are you suggesting?  
GC: 1M OFF3R1NG TWO TH1NGS 4ND Y34H WH1L3 1M M4K1NG 1T PR3TTY OBV1OUS TH4T W3 SHOULD T34M UP 1 TH1NK 4 T34MM4T3 1S ONLY TH3 S3COND MOST 1MPORT4NT TH1NG YOU N33D R1GHT NOW  
AG: I’m listening.  
GC: WH4T >:?  
GC: NO YOUR3 NOT  
GC: YOUR3 R34D1NG  
AG: 8luh 8luh. Semantics!  
GC: YOUR BLUHS H4V3 NO 3FF3CT ON M3  
GC: BUT N3V3RTH3L3SS!  
GC: 1 D1D NOT COM3 H3R3 TO T3ST MY TOL3R4NC3 FOR YOUR 1N3FF3CT1V3 BLUHS  
GC: 1 C4M3 H3R3 TO OFF3R MYS3LF NOT JUST 4S 4 T34MM4T3  
GC: BUT PR1M4R1LY 4S 4 FR13ND  
AG: Ha! Me? I don’t need friends, all they do is disappoint me.  
GC: WH1CH 1S 3X4CTLY WHY YOU N33D ON3  
GC: SO  
GC: WH4T DO YOU S4Y  
GC: T34MM4T3 SL4SH FR13ND >:]  
AG: I say...  
AG: You and I have a lot of potential.  
AG: And I think if we work together, we can realize it.  
AG: So I’ll take you up on your little offer.  
AG: Friend.  
AG: >::::)

You smirk to yourself. You and she are gonna take the world on.

At long last, you bid her good morning and head to your recuperacoon. You get the feeling you’re going to be really busy in the coming few nights.


	5. Day 3: GEOGADDI

You wake up when the first rays of sunlight rather rudely let themselves in through your bedroom window unannounced. You take a moment to just lay there and soak in how wonderfully quiet everything is.

You can’t remember ever being this physically comfortable.

Okay, moment over. You shunt on back into the clothes you were wearing last night and it looks like you have a few unread messages in your dress.  
From a couple of chats, actually! You’ll save the worst for last, you think, because you don’t want to spoil this amazing morning you’re having.

HARRY: yo uh  
HARRY: yeah, it’s me again. i know.  
HARRY: i just wanted to say that i probably seemed a little hotheaded last night because i’m staying with my dad now and i’m not really used to it yet.  
HARRY: and also i probably shouldn’t have said all that shit about him. he’s your friend, after all!  
HARRY: you actually kind of remind me of him in some ways? but, like, those moments where he’s being cool instead of a total pain in the ass.  
HARRY: but you were sorta saying last night that you were a huge influence on him right? so i guess that makes sense.  
HARRY: anyway i’m gonna just... not talk about him for a while.  
HARRY: really i mainly just wanted to say, thanks.  
HARRY: thanks for coming to my party and stuff. as you can probably tell i don’t have a lot of friends, heheh.  
HARRY: and i’ve never met someone like you before! someone who’s not from earth but also, not as old as all the other gods?  
HARRY: that’s such a stupid name for you guys, by the way.  
HARRY: i guess it’s just like... you’re almost like a time traveller or something! except technically not that, i know how temporal mechanics and stuff work.  
HARRY: i’m sorry if i’m being annoying, it’s just, you’re like  
HARRY: super cool to talk to.  
AG: Keep talking. It doesn’t, like, 8other me or anything.  
HARRY: WHOA OK how long have you been awake?  
AG: Since the thing you said a8out the stupid name. I agree, honestly!  
AG: 8eing a god is just a fact of life to me. It doesn’t define who I am.  
AG: Hell, given how reckless I’ve 8een in the past I dou8t my immortality is actually going to change anything for me!  
HARRY: hey, is it alright if we don’t talk about immortality stuff for  
HARRY: i don’t know.  
HARRY: ever?  
AG: Sure. Sore su8ject?  
HARRY: more than you can possibly imagine.  
HARRY: anyway, do you wanna hang out sometime?  
AG: Sure. I’ll have to talk to my mom a8out it, though.  
AG: Wow, you have no idea how weird it feels to say that!  
HARRY: oh yeah. you, like, literally never had one before huh.  
AG: Um!!!!!!!!!  
HARRY: also a sore subject?  
AG: More than words can say!  
AG: 8ut anyway, I’ll let you know if we can meet up at some point!  
HARRY: oh sweet! thanks!  
HARRY: also trans rights!

TA: what the fuck?  
TA: vriska is that really y0u?  
TA: i th0ught y0u were supp0sed t0 be super fucking dead at this p0int.  
TA: i mean if y0u are here then fucking whatever that’s n0ne 0f my business.  
TA: but als0  
TA: and i can’t believe i’m having t0 turn t0 y0u 0f all pe0ple f0r help 0n this 0ne but  
TA: d0 y0u have any idea where the shit aradia fucking up and vanished 0ut the universe t0?  
AG: Oh hey, Sollux! It’s 8een a while, hasn’t it?  
TA: shut the fuck up and answer the questi0n y0u kn0w i hate having t0 turn t0 y0u f0r help.  
AG: No.  
TA: y0u kn0w i can’t tell if that’s a n0 t0 me asking if y0u knew where aradia was 0r a n0 t0 me telling y0u t0 shut the fuck up.  
AG: 8oth, actually, now that I think a8out it.  
AG: Are you sure she’s not anywhere in the entire universe?  
TA: 0f c0urse i am assh0le i fucking checked.  
AG: You checked the universe.  
TA: that’s what i said jesus christ vriska it's like y0u can't read.  
TA: anyway since we’re d0ne here and als0 we hate each 0ther i’m g0nna d0 us b0th a fav0r and bl0ck y0u.  
AG: Okay, 8ye!

JADE: hey vriska!!!! just wanted to let you know that im gonna be busy for a lot of this morning  
JADE: sorry to leave you with the house to yourself but if you have any questions message me and ill do what i can to help you figure out your way around everything!!!!!! :D  
JADE: also if you have any problems let me know as soon as possible!!!!!  
AG: Okay mom! Will do!  
JADE: you know im gonna worry about you 24/7 ok?  
AG: Hey, I can’t 8lame you.

JOHN: hey (vriska)!  
JOHN: i forgot to mention this last night but there’s this thing i kinda do every now and then at the crack of dawn where i just float up into low orbit and chill out for a bit.  
JOHN: is saying “chill out” even a thing anymore?  
JOHN: bleh whatever. i’m probably being annoying, right?  
JOHN: the point is, since you’re maybe the only other person in existence who seems to get how weird and fucked up the world is, would you wanna come up here and join me?  
JOHN: i could teach you all the stuff i’ve learned about...  
JOHN: i dunno. being an adult, and stuff. and maybe hopefully help you feel like the world’s a little less lonely when it stops feeling real.  
JOHN: oh man, have you ever seen the karate kid? you’d be just like daniel and i’d be like mr. miyagi!  
JOHN: if you haven’t seen the movie it’s about this kid named daniel who moves to a new town, but he doesn’t have any friends and he gets picked on a lot, and then one day all the kids who bully him try to beat him up, but the janitor from daniel’s apartment fights them all off. It turns out, he’s a total karate expert, and he teaches daniel everything he knows!  
JOHN: wait.  
JOHN: is that kind of racist?  
JOHN: you know, that the only non white main character in the whole movie is working such a low salary job and also he just happens to know karate because OF COURSE he does.  
JOHN: ok i just asked jake about it. he says he’s never thought about it like that but also that there’s a remake about an american kid who goes to live in china.  
JOHN: is that better, because it’s got more non white characters, or worse, because it’s got the country wrong?  
JOHN: wait why am i asking you this! you’re an alien, you don’t have to care about any of this stuff!  
JOHN: anyway i’ll make this brief. meet me up here if you want.  
JOHN: or don’t! it’s up to you!  
AG: John, give me a 8reeeeeeeeak! You sent all this to me 8efore I even woke up!!!!!!!!  
AG: John?  
AG: Don’t tell me you left your phone at home. 

Oh well. It doesn’t matter. You’re going to head up there anyway.  
You get out from under the covers, switch back to your Thief gear (it just seems far more appropriate for the situation), and look out the window.

There’s a brief moment where you think about giving another pointless poetic fucking dissertation about wind skimming the void between stuff or whatever, but it’s all one big waste of time. Fuck that.

Maybe next time.

You climb out of the window, wings fluttering like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis. You click your neck from one side to the other, and discover how cool the wind feels on your face with shorter hair. You wonder how you must look to the people of the world below as you elevate yourself far above the ground, and you push off from the corner of your hive’s roof, and float off into the air.  
You don’t need to use your wings to levitate yourself, so you let yourself spin a little during your ascent.  
The world below you looks so adorably fake from up here, like a scale model or a map. You lay your front on nothing at all, and lean your chin on your palms as you watch the people and the cars and the buses and the trains move about, so small, so abstract, that it all seems so artificial.

You’re high above a world of perfect inconsequence, a world that exists to be cared about for the sake of being cared about, and you decide that this world is good.

As your altitude increases, and as the lowest clouds bring you into their soft embrace, you flit to and fro, dancing to the music in your head. It feels so good to be actually, genuinely free. You never thought this day would come.  
Your ascent becomes an upward spiral, your fingertips tracing almost imperceptible lines along the lining of the clouds as you make your way up. You remember a young girl, who died at six sweeps of age and was born mere seconds later. You remember her excitement at finally getting to live as herself, in her own body, and you remember her doing the same thing back then. You think you feel her resurface.

At last you breach the cloud, and you look around. Above and below you are two parallel, seemingly limitless expanses of pure silver. And there, floating high above the colorless skies, is a speck of blue.

VRISKA: 8oo.  
JOHN: woah! hi (vriska)!

You stand before him as you would if you were leaning against a wall with your back and the sole of your right boot, with your hands in your pockets. He tosses you a bottle of something thick and white.

VRISKA: What’s this?  
JOHN: it’s sunscreen. believe me, you do not wanna be this high up without sun protection.  
JOHN: that reminds me, this is your first time under the sun right?  
VRISKA: Yeah?  
JOHN: yeah, don’t be surprised if staying in sun light makes your skin darker. that’s normal.  
JOHN: and don’t stay in it for too long. that’s supposed to be really really bad for you!  
VRISKA: Gotcha. Thanks for the heads up.

He nods a “don’t mention it”, strikes a similar pose to you, and gazes out to the horizon.

JOHN: so i’m your uncle now, huh?  
VRISKA: Yup.  
JOHN: that’s, um. that’s-  
VRISKA: It makes a lot of things we said and thought immensely uncomforta8le in retrospect. See? That wasn’t so hard to say!  
JOHN: i mean,  
JOHN: yeah.  
JOHN: sure it was only like one day when i was thirteen, but-  
VRISKA: W8, only one day?  
VRISKA: I was hoping 8y the time the meteor voyage was over you’d have 8een totally fucking fawning over me. Not that I had *that* much of an interest in reciproc8ing, I ju-  
JOHN: i’m really not sure we should be talking about this given the circumstances!

You shrug nonchalantly and go to take a swig of sunscreen. John narrowly stops you.

JOHN: you’re supposed to rub it on your skin. i don’t know why i didn’t think to clarify that?  
JOHN: god, you could have been poisoned or something!  
JOHN: but all that aside, me and my timeline’s version of you had a pretty shaky friendship anyways.  
JOHN: i think i was way too harsh on her.  
VRISKA: Yeah, I get that.  
VRISKA: I was kind of a 8itch to her too.  
VRISKA: Man, she did not deserve what she got.  
JOHN: what happened to her?  
VRISKA: She got 8lasted 8y English, duh!  
JOHN: oh, that’s...  
JOHN: that’s too bad.  
JOHN: i  
JOHN: didn’t get the chance to say sorry to her.  
JOHN: and now she’s gone forever.  
VRISKA: Knowing me, she wouldn’t have cared.  
VRISKA: No offense, dude, 8ut at this point I really don’t give a shit a8out your opinion of me.  
JOHN: none taken.  
JOHN: i'm not sure if i believe you, because you and her were actually really different, but...  
JOHN: it’s actually kind of relieving to think that i’m not really in a position to leave an impact?  
VRISKA: I get it.  
VRISKA: I’m feeling it every moment here, actually!  
VRISKA: It’s like I’m detached.  
VRISKA: 8ut I’m also enlightened.  
JOHN: yeah, i guess so...  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: You ever wonder...  
VRISKA: If you were the only living 8eing left in the universe, would you still 8e, like,  
VRISKA: Well, actually, I started that question with the general “you”. Let’s say I mean specifically, *you*.  
VRISKA: So, 8asically, I’m asking: If there was no8ody in the whole universe except you, would you still 8e John Eg8ert?  
VRISKA: What I mean is, would you still have an identity if there was no8ody to identify you?  
VRISKA: Or would you just 8e you, and that’s that?  
JOHN: that’s...  
JOHN: hm.  
JOHN: that’s a really interesting question.  
JOHN: i wouldn’t need a name if there was nobody else around with one.  
VRISKA: You wouldn’t need a gender, either.  
JOHN: i guess that’s true.  
JOHN: or a home country or anything like that.  
VRISKA: No family, or sect, or creed, or caste. It’s, like, weird to see how much of ourselves we define according to the understanding of other people.  
JOHN: would i even have an age?  
VRISKA: What do you mean?  
JOHN: if it was just me, i would be able to define any units of time i wanted.  
JOHN: hell, why not go one further! i could say my height was a thousand feet tall and who’s to stop me!  
JOHN: hm.  
JOHN: you think about this kind of thing often?  
VRISKA: I guess. 

You toss him back his sunscreen.

JOHN: i think it’s cool, coming up here and just pushing all my thoughts aside to think about stuff like this.  
JOHN: it’s humbling.  
JOHN: ...  
JOHN: do you still have your thief of light powers? i just realized i never got the chance to see them in action.  
VRISKA: Sure. What do you wanna see?  
JOHN: i dunno. something that blows my mind hopefully!  
VRISKA: Alright. Pick a num8er 8etween 1 and 16,777,216.  
JOHN: uh,  
JOHN: and you try to guess it?  
VRISKA: I don’t *try*, John. I say “Seven hundred and fifty-six”, and you lose your shit a8out it.  
JOHN: what!  
JOHN: how did you do that!  
JOHN: did you read my mind or something?!?  
VRISKA: Nah. Just got lucky.  
VRISKA: Gotta say it’s a disappointingly low num8er, 8ut 8onus points for choosing a multiple of eight.  
VRISKA: W8, shit. No it’s not. 8onus points rescinded.  
JOHN: but!  
JOHN: that wasn’t luck! That was a number i consciously chose, and you consciously chose another one after the fact!  
VRISKA: Yeah! And what are the odds of them 8eing the same?  
VRISKA: That’s not a trick question, 8y the way. It’s one in sixteen million, seven hundred and seventy-seven thousand, two hundred and sixteen.  
VRISKA: Luck isn’t all a8out just rolling dice and flipping coins, John. Sometimes actual choices get involved!  
VRISKA: What if I’m fighting an enemy who’s a8out to swing a sword at my left side????????  
JOHN: you dodge to the right?  
VRISKA: Of course I do! 8ut isn’t it lucky that I chose to avoid their attack in exactly the right direction?  
JOHN: uh...  
VRISKA: Yeah, it’s confusing and 8adly defined. So are all aspects, right?  
VRISKA: Not that it really matters, though. Luck never changes the outcome where it really counts.  
JOHN: what are you talking about? isn’t luck, like, super important?  
VRISKA: All the important stuff has already happened 8y the time you want to m8ke a change! Everything’s all part of a 8unch of 8ig, mysterious time loops, and simple luck isn’t going to just shift their course.  
VRISKA: When everyone says luck doesn’t matter, their meaning couldn’t 8e any clearer! My powers are all worthless in the long run! 8eing the Thief of Light is nothing more than a tacky parlor trick.  
JOHN: ...  
JOHN: wow, that’s...  
JOHN: really weird to think about, actually.  
JOHN: maybe you just haven’t figured them all out yet?  
VRISKA: What???????? 8ut I’m at the top level, and everything!  
JOHN: sure, as a sburb player. but maybe the top level of being just a regular adult person is different, and unlocks even higher power levels?  
JOHN: karkat seems to have done more blood things ever since we beat the game. your mom can bend space now and stuff like that even without first guardian powers, and i never saw her do that before in either timeline.  
JOHN: and i’m really certain that lord english was only like 10% as strong as his final form was when he beat his game.  
JOHN: ok he’s a bad example because he was always a total baby.  
JOHN: my point is,  
JOHN: uh, kind of a bunch of things? but mostly that you never stop growing up and getting stronger.

Your other dress buzzes with the arrival of a new message.

JADE: vriska where are you? I cant see or smell you anywhere :(  
AG: Oh, sorry mom! I’m just catching up with an old friend.  
AG: I’ll 8e home asap!

You return your attention to John.

VRISKA: May8e you’re right?  
VRISKA: 8ut if that’s the case I feel pretty ripped off a8out all the stuff I had to endure as Skaia tried to squeeze every last drop of personal development out of me that it could.  
VRISKA: You know, I'd love to stay and continue this convers8tion, 8ut mom's calling. And since I've 8een her daughter for less than 24 hours I don't want to disappoint her.  
JOHN: oh, right.  
JOHN: how is she?  
VRISKA: I dunno. Why don’t you ask her?  
VRISKA: She is your sister, after all.  
JOHN: ...  
JOHN: yep, she sure is.  
JOHN: look, i won’t keep you.  
JOHN: just... tell her i said hi, ok?  
VRISKA: You got it!  
VRISKA: I’ll seeya round, then, I guess.  
JOHN: yeah.

With that, you let go,

And

You

Drop.

The clouds race past you at breakneck speed. Streaks of vapor trail off you in every direction as you descend, howling winds whipping off your face and your horns and your shoulders and through your shirt and you feel the same wave of energy you felt course through you last week, when you coordinated the assault on Derse. As you finally breach the lowest of the clouds, and your hive comes into view, you decelerate and come to a halt on your front doorstep.

The energy still pulses through your veins, but it feels weird that this time, there’s nobody to share it with.

You open the door, and Jade comes running over to meet you. You consider flickering back into the Dress of Eclectica for a second, but you decide against it.

JADE: hey vriska!!! how did you sleep last night?  
VRISKA: Eh.  
VRISKA: Feeling pretty rested and all, 8ut I had a dream with some uncomforta8le memories in it.  
JADE: :( thats too bad

She tucks one of your curls behind your ear. You flinch and stick up your fists as she does so. She backs off.

JADE: omg im so sorry!!!!!

You drop your arms back by your side.

VRISKA: Forget a8out it. It’s nothing.  
VRISKA: John said hi, 8y the way.  
JADE: did he now  
JADE: good for him i guess......  
JADE: hey why dont you come have breakfast! i bought a croissant for you while i was out  
JADE: todays mostly going to be dedicated to clearing out all of daves old stuff i think  
JADE: would you be able to give me a hand with all that?  
VRISKA: Sure! No pro8lem.

⁂

After breakfast, Jade leads you into the basement. It looks like a fucking record store in here, with the back wall just straight-up lined with crates of vinyl. The near side of the room features a couple of bean bags, an old CRT monitor that isn’t plugged into anything, and...

VRISKA: My old record player!  
JADE: huh?  
VRISKA: From the meteor! This was the record player I used to own!  
VRISKA: Holy shit, Dave kept it in good shape.

You run over to it and give it a biiiiiiiig hug. Hardly a speck of dust on the old girl.

VRISKA: Dave used to show me all of his old records on here! Do we still have them?  
JADE: um.....  
JADE: we came down here to throw them all out remember?  
VRISKA: Oh. Right.

Jade walks over to a few of the crates and begins going through them, lifting the albums that belonged to Dave into the air.

VRISKA: Hey, why don’t I take some of those off your hands? A lot of them were pretty fucking good!  
JADE: well if you say so.....

She looks very unsure about it. You pick out a few old classics and tuck them under your arm. Some stuff by Biggie. A bit of Raekwon. Obviously some Snoop, in vaguely indifferent memory of your dead... friend? Guy you knew, and are really missing right now. All around, you just pick out a bit of everything. Say what you want about them, but humans are pretty fucking good at music.

JADE: if im honest a lot of daves music makes me pretty self conscious  
JADE: actually so did his hobby of freestyle rapping but i knew it would have broken his heart if i told him that :(  
JADE: its just  
JADE: wow look at all the things people can do with their voice and stuff!  
JADE: that ill never be able to because i didnt construct my first full sentence until i was 9  
JADE: thats what happens when you grow up alone :(

You blink.

VRISKA: Wow, I had no idea you felt that way.  
JADE: honestly its not a big deal!!!!  
JADE: in fact i didnt even notice i brought it up until you said something lol!  
JADE: i dont know if you noticed but sometimes i just talk to myself  
JADE: to remind myself i can  
JADE: thats kind of sad huh?  
VRISKA: No, it’s cool. I’ll put these 8ack if you want.  
JADE: no its fine!!! if you like that stuff then keep it!!!!!  
JADE: better that you inherit it than it just goes to waste!  
VRISKA: You sure?  
JADE: you know you put a lot of work into accommodating me in every way every time you get the chance  
JADE: and i think that we really really really need to sit down and have a discussion at some point about what motherhood actually is because you seem to think of me as some kind of perfect and angry god!  
VRISKA: No comment.

She sighs. Fuck, have you made Her frustrated?

JADE: hey why dont you look through my record collection and maybe pick out some stuff you think looks interesting?  
JADE: since i guess you own the record player i wanna give you the chance to put it to good use  
JADE: take anything you want!!!  
VRISKA: Ugh, why are you so passive a8out everything all the time????????  
VRISKA: It’s like you’re silently just standing there and judging me for everything and it’s driving me fucking insane!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Can’t you just, like, set a 8oundary, or push 8ack against me for *something*, or anything like that?  
JADE: i would but you havent really given me anything to get upset about  
JADE: because youre approaching everything you do and say around me with a really concerning amount of caution like youre afraid to be yourself under my roof :(  
JADE: youre a pretty troubled kid you know  
VRISKA: Yeah, I know. My lusus called me that a lot.  
VRISKA: Well, not that specifically, 8ut She 8asically meant the same thing.  
JADE: oh?  
JADE: what did she call you

You tell Her. Oop, you mean “her”, apparently. She goes pale in the face.

JADE: um......  
JADE: is it ok if i ask you not to use language like that??????  
VRISKA: Yeah, sorry.

Boundary set! Awesome.

JADE: omg, imagine calling your own daughter something like that.....  
JADE: that wasnt what i meant at all!!!!!  
VRISKA: It’s fine! I mean, I don’t really give a shit a8out it.  
JADE: but it obviously affected you!!!! its so hard to get you to trust me to be nice to you when stuff like that used to happen to you.......

You put a hand on her shoulder.

VRISKA: Mom!  
VRISKA: It’s fine. It’s all water under the elev8ted crossing path.

She pats your hand.

JADE: if you say so  
JADE: i wont press the issue if you dont feel like talking about it  
JADE: hey why dont you look through some of my albums and stuff

She points over at a set of four crates, each labeled with the point of origin of their contents: “earth b”, “earth c”, “alternia”, and “the incipisphere” respectively.  
Naturally, you flick through the box from your home planet first.

VRISKA: Hey, this is some of my stuff!  
VRISKA: You guys really cleared out the old meteor st8tion, huh?  
JADE: :O  
JADE: which ones are yours?  
VRISKA: Wow, let me see.  
VRISKA: Portcullis. Future Eater. DreadLiquid. Wow, I really have a type, don't I?  
VRISKA: Wrote some of my 8est camp8igns with these al8ums playing in the 8ackground 8ack in the day.  
VRISKA: All this tacky, low 8udget, sample-heavy electro gar8age is... pro8a8ly one hundred percent mine.  
JADE: i dont think its garbage!  
VRISKA: Yeah, me neither. I just said that 8ecause I thought you might.  
JADE: well in that case.......  
JADE: i think i have some stuff you might like!

She hastily rifles through the box from her home planet and pulls out a handful of records. The cover of the first depicts a green-tinted and slightly blurred image of two men perusing opposite sides of an aisle in a record store.

JADE: ok maybe this one isnt exactly what youre looking for  
JADE: but its one of the few albums that me and dave both loved  
JADE: especially the song just after the second transmission that one was really special to us  
JADE: we played it at our wedding reception  
JADE: you should have seen him dance vriska!!!! it was the best night of my life.......

Jade does a twirl, as if she’s still there now, still held in his warm embrace as they dance the night away. It takes a second for her usual quiet sadness to return to her eyes, and she puts the record aside.

JADE: if you listen to that one i want you to treat it with as much care as you can!!!!!!!  
JADE: these next ones are a lot closer to that kind of stuff you listened to growing up

The second features some text scrawled boldly, and without your glasses, illegibly, in mercury droplets on a black background. A faint glow of all the colors of the rainbow shines out beneath the text.

JADE: this one was huge when i was growing up!!!  
JADE: its just a really sweet and happy album and almost everyone from earth b knows a couple songs from it  
JADE: i wish dave was here he would be describing it way better than i am :/  
JADE: whats that thing you say about breaks whenever something doesnt go your way  
VRISKA: Uh-  
JADE: its those breaks  
VRISKA: ...Sure.

The third album cover is a photograph of an overcast sky, lit up a brilliant amber. A small patch of coniferous trees sit in the bottom corner.

JADE: this album is really nice for um.....  
JADE: have you ever had a winter before? :O  
VRISKA: No, 8ut Rose told me to look forward to it.  
VRISKA: Dave told me it sucked, though. 8ut Rose has had consistently 8etter opinions than he has a8out... everything?  
JADE: well im not sure about that!!!!  
JADE: but shes definitely right about winter being awesome!!!  
JADE: and this album is really great for sitting by the fireplace and reading a novel or something

The fourth and final album features a red hexagon on a blood-orange background. The hexagon looks to be made from the image of a figure standing in a field, mirrored on itself six ways.

JADE: im convinced this album is just haunted or something  
JADE: its really good but i cant help but feel a little creeped out by it!  
JADE: but if you like dreadliquid this is a similar kind of thing  
VRISKA: Oh, that’s pretty cool.  
VRISKA: So I can just have all of these albums?  
VRISKA: As in, to keep.  
JADE: hey its your record player and i like to think youre gonna put it to good use!

You crack a smile.

VRISKA: You know, I suddenly feel like I’m gonna settle in faster than I expected.  
VRISKA: Not that there’s a whole lot I can do without my stupid glasses, 8ut hey. A start is a start!  
VRISKA: When did Rose say all my forms will have gone through?  
JADE: in a few days i think!!! theres really nothing we can do to speed it up though :/

She goes to say something else, but she hesitates.

JADE: i  
JADE: never mind its not important

You raise an eyebrow, but you don't say a word.

JADE: so i guess ill go take all these records we dont want away  
JADE: im gonna go to a second hand store and hand them over there  
JADE: if you want you can come with me and we can look for new clothes and stuff for you!  
VRISKA: Sure, I guess.  
VRISKA: Not sure what the odds of me finding another shirt with my sign on it are, though. Even with all my luck!  
JADE: does a new shirt need your sign?  
VRISKA: Not really. 8ut it's an important part of my culture! It'd suck if I have to give it up all of a sudden. ::::(  
VRISKA: My name may 8e Vriska Harley now, 8ut I'm still a proud Serket, through and through!  
JADE: well  
JADE: in that case i guess well have to see what we can do!!!  
JADE: no promises though  
VRISKA: It doesn't really matter! I'm gonna need a new shirt anyway, and you're already planning on going there.  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: 8ut are you *sure* you're fine 8uying stuff for me?  
JADE: yeah of course!!!!!!  
JADE: in fact maybe we can just buy some stuff for your room? :D  
JADE: if you see anything you want ill buy it for you!!!! think of it as 23 consecutive birthday presents!  
JADE: or a housewarming gift!  
JADE: or maybe even just a thank you for your heroic sacrifice  
VRISKA: Um...  
VRISKA: Sure.  
VRISKA: Thanks.

You force a smile, but you can’t really bring yourself to make eye contact. But she seems to get it now. She’s coming to understand you, and it feels... you don’t know. You guess it just feels really nice.

⁂

The two of you spend the next ten minutes getting dressed - Jade in a sundress and a light jacket, and you back into the freshly-washed blue jeans and Daveshirt - and Jade, with unwarranted urgency (or maybe just excitement? It’s hard to tell), guides you out the door with one arm while the other holds a bag filled to the brim with that unwanted vinyl collection.

The second hand store is a cluttered and quiet place, filled with worn and dogeared novels and self-help books, racks of insipid old CDs boasting the best of singer-songwriters long past their prime, stacks of sun-bleached VHS cases housing dozens upon dozens of forgotten b- and c-movies, and most importantly of all, row after row of outgrown and discarded clothing. The carpet beneath your feet looks like it hasn’t been replaced in thirty years, but then again, so does the staff: up behind the counter stand two elderly women - a tealblood and a Dersite - and you silently note that they wear matching rings on their right fourth finger.

Jade seems fairly set on doing her own thing around here, and you figure you might as well do yours too. You thumb through row after row after row of clothes and pick out an ensemble you shyly think to yourself might suit you, and nervously shuffle away into a small changing room.  
First off is a pair of black jeans, worn gray on the knees. You like the color - after all, it goes with almost anything, or so Kanaya says - but...  
You don’t want to say you’ve let yourself go, of course, but they could stand to be a biiiiiiiit more flattering, you think. You quickly exchange them for your older pair so that you don’t have to waste another second looking at your legs.  
Maybe you should eat less.

Next up is...

Well, you’re a little ashamed of this one. It’s your first time trying one out.

You’ve picked out a few different sizes of plain black bras, and...

Augh, you can’t stop fucking blushing!!!!!!!! Come on, Vriska! Nobody’s watching! You know you’re going to feel fantastic in one of these.

You try them, find one that fits, and... yeah. You do. You put the palm of a half-fist against your cheek and smile to yourself in the mirror. You look way better than you expected.

Look at you, Vriska. You look amazing.

You put a black shirt over the top - a plain and serviceable little t-shirt, that fits your dimensions far better than your old one that you’d had for sweeps too long - and it looks... really weird, actually. You keep expecting to see your family crest right in the middle, but it’s not there! There are some black shirts around here formerly belonging to some bluebloods (as evidenced by their symbols), but wearing another lineage’s crest would be horribly disrespectful!  
You straighten out your shirt in front of the mirror and huff to yourself. Even without your makeup and glasses just yet (and, of course, your hair. Ugh.), you can’t help but feel there’s something crucial missing from all this.

Well, the jacket is. Obviously. Why don’t you fix that?

You wander out of the changing room and over to the rack from which a vast and varied array of jackets and sweaters and coats hang. Surprisingly, there’s nothing in just a straight-up, plain gray like your last one. End of an era, then, you suppose.  
You pick out a baggy bomber jacket made from tan-brown leather with light brown patches on the elbows. This thing’s seen some love, you note, but you quickly try it on and it fits like a glove. Are you a tan-brown bomber jacket kinda gal, though?  
You look at yourself in the mirror again. Oh yeah, you are absolutely rocking this. Kind of a color clash with your shoes, but whatever! It still works.  
That said, you’d better try on some other stuff while you’re still here.

JADE: hey vriska!!! did you get everything you need?

Or not! You quickly change back into the Daveshirt and fold up all the other stuff nicely. 

VRISKA: Uh, sure.  
VRISKA: Just these, I think.  
JADE: oh i love that jacket!!!! youll have to show me what you look like in it when we get home :D  
JADE: buying second hand underwear though is  
JADE: well let me wash it first :/ 

She takes all of the clothes over to the register and, you can only presume, makes the purchase. You, however, have to take this moment to duck behind a bookshelf and flap your hands a bit. It’s been a long time since you’ve felt this overwhelmed by excitement. It was so much easier to keep it all contained when Ter-

C’mon, Vriska. Don’t think about her right now. You’ve gotta at least make an effort to move on, right?  
It’s hard. But... you’ve been through way worse. You’re kind of an absolute legend? And you’ve totally earned this whole new happy ending kind of life, even if it wasn’t what you expected. Not to mention these sweet new threads!!!!!!!!

JADE: ok vriska its all paid for!

Oh, you didn’t even notice her approach! You jump into a more defensive position, topple over backwards, knock over the bookshelf, and bump your head against it when Jade telekinetically catches it.

JADE: whoa vriska are you ok????  
VRISKA: Yep, tot8lly fine!!!!!!!!

She doesn’t press the issue.

⁂

When you’re back home, you take a quick shower, switch into your new shirt and jacket, lay back on a bean bag in the basement, and roll the supposedly cursed album. You tilt your head back and let the sound of distorted drum loops and reverb-drenched keys wash over you. It’s calming, in a way. Calming like when Rose ran her hand through your hair the other day. Uncomfortably relaxing, you suppose. A low-fidelity vocal snippet reminds you something about the past. You have no idea what it means, but you agree.  
Jade approaches. You urgently bolt upright.

JADE: oh hey that thing looks great on you!!!!

The corner of your mouth turns upward into a smile, showing off your right canine.

VRISKA: Thanks.  
JADE: hey did you hang the washing out  
VRISKA: Um...?  
JADE: remember on the way back home i asked  
JADE: hey vriska when we get home can you please hang the washing out  
JADE: and you said  
JADE: Eh. Sure.  
JADE: ?  
VRISKA: Not really.  
VRISKA: I don’t remem8er saying anything on the way 8ack.  
JADE: well that definitely happened!!!  
VRISKA: Shit. Sorry, let me go deal with that now.

You stand up. Jade raises her hands in objection.

JADE: no its too late theyll just have to go through again  
JADE: no big deal!!!!!

God, she is... really putting it on. You fucked up just now. Just like with the plate yesterday. Just like how you wandered off into orbit this morning. Would it kill you to get a grip and do what she wants for two seconds?  
Your fingernails dig into your thighs. The veins running between your knuckles bulge, and you whimper two syllables. 

VRISKA: Sorry. 

She rushes to your side, ears low, and puts a hand on your wrist.

JADE: oh no no vriska its fine!!!!!! i mean obviously i would have preferred you did it but its nothing that cant be fixed!

That's awfully kind of her, even at your absolute lowest. You need to make it up to her somehow. And, well, since you're becoming an adult, you're less reliant on your custodian for basically anything. Maybe if you prove your independence to her, it'll make her proud?  
You know what? Yeah!!!!!!!! She's treated you with nothing but absolute respect, and you're going to do everything in your power to repay her!

VRISKA: Hey, mom?  
JADE: yeah? :O  
VRISKA: You're the fucking 8est. 

You hold out your hand. She takes it and gives it a squeeze. You both let a few seconds pass before she stands up and leaves. You lay back down and you breathe in,  
And out.

In,

And out.

Before you forget, though, you’ve gotta tell her one more thing.

VRISKA: Hey, mom!!!!!!!!  
JADE: :O !!!!!!

She bolts back into the room just as a fast-paced, looped drum fill from the opening of track four fills your ears.

JADE: whats wrong????  
VRISKA: Nothing’s wrong this time, 8elieve it or not. After all, there’s a first for everything!  
VRISKA: I just remem8ered yesterday.  
VRISKA: You asked me what the A stood for, right?  
JADE: huh?  
JADE: oh yeah thats right!!!!!  
VRISKA: Aranea.  
VRISKA: My full name is Vriska Aranea Harley.  
JADE: omg did your lusus name you after that horrible ancestor you had?!?!?!?!  
JADE: everything i hear about her just gets worse and worse!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: No, it’s not...  
VRISKA: Yeah. Sure.  
VRISKA: I guess she’d have to 8e a real piece of work to call me that, huh...?

........

You’re not gonna lie. That stung. That really stung.

JADE: you wanna talk about it?  
VRISKA: May8e this afternoon, I don’t know.

⁂

JADE: hey vriska im gonna make lunch!!!!!  
JADE: do you want anything in particular?  
VRISKA: No thanks. I’m not hungry.  
JADE: you still need to eat something for lunch!

You wander into the kitchen just after Jade does, your right hand gripping your still-burning apology. She sniffs the air, as if she notices something is different about you, but she doesn’t say so. You don’t say it, either. She’s gonna be so proud of you when she finds out.

VRISKA: No, it’s fine! I’m watching my w8.  
JADE: youre 16!!!!!!! you shouldnt have to watch your weight if your body hasnt even finished growing!!!!  
VRISKA: No, really! I’m fine! I could afford to cut out a 8it of stuff now and then.  
JADE: oh vriska D:  
JADE: dont tell me you have an eating disorder  
JADE: im worried enough about you already  
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha! Mom, stop worrying! I’m FINE!  
JADE: ok......

You can tell she doesn’t believe you. Why not? You’re the perfect image of mental health! Hell, you’re a genius in every sense, and you’ve been trained to always act coldly and calmly and rationally. Why would you have an eating disorder?

JADE: hey um  
JADE: vriska? 

Oh fuck, she’s over by the sink, and she looks... afraid? No, of course not! She’s your custodian! What does she have to be afraid of?

JADE: why is there dark blue in the kitchen sink?  
VRISKA: Oh, it's nothing. I was just washing the knife.  
JADE: what... knife...?  
VRISKA: I figured out that, you know, I really fucked up when I forgot to deal with the laundry and you still won't punish me for stuff, so...  
JADE: oh my god vriska  
JADE: im begging you please dont tell me youre taking this sentence where i think you are  
VRISKA: Look, I took the hint, alright? I'm old enough to deal with this kind of shit 8y myself! That’s what you’re trying to tell me, right? That I should leave it to myself to make myself feel 8ad a8out fucking up?  
JADE: show me your wrist  
VRISKA: What?  
JADE: vriska aranea harley show me your fucking wrist RIGHT NOW!  
VRISKA: Fuck you, get off me!

You shove your shoulder against her. She grabs your left sleeve and pulls it back. The look in her eye turns from concern to disappointment to anger to horror in the space of half a second.

JADE: you...  
JADE: you...  
VRISKA: Yeah. Yeah, alright, I did. I thought you'd 8e happy to know it, actually! I thought fin8lly I was doing something r8ght for 8nce, 8ut NO!!!!!!!!  
JADE: vriska... oh my god...  
VRISKA: Please, please get off me. I'm in enough pain already. I don't... *snif* I don't need this.  
JADE: vriska... vriska please im just hugging you  
JADE: youre my daughter now and i really care about you!  
VRISKA: Then what kind of mother are you?

The question guts her. For a moment, she doesn’t blink or breathe, and it’s only because she’s clinging to you that you can feel her heart beating at all.

VRISKA: Mom?  
VRISKA: Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.  
VRISKA: Mom, your nails are digging into my 8ack, it kinda hurts...

She lets go of you, and sniffles. Her hair hangs over her face in such a way that you can’t see her eyes.

JADE: please never ever ever think that i would ever want you to be hurt  
VRISKA: I  
VRISKA: I don’t understand. I’m sorry, mom, I don’t understand, and I’ll never make you happy and I’ll never make you proud, 8ecause I’m a total fuck up who doesn’t get it, an-  
JADE: sh!!!!  
JADE: vriska please  
JADE: just  
JADE: just listen to me  
JADE: we are going to clean and bandage this wound and the second your documents come through i am taking you to therapy  
JADE: ok?  
VRISKA: With a doctor?  
JADE: i dont know maybe!!!!  
VRISKA: Uhhhhhhhh...  
JADE: is that a problem?????  
VRISKA: Can I *please* not 8e seen 8y a doctor? That’s all I ask.  
JADE: im gonna have to talk to rose about that  
JADE: i dont know how to get you a referral without you seeing a doctor :(  
JADE: do you have something against doctors?  
VRISKA: It’s complic8ed.  
JADE: huh?  
VRISKA: Let’s get this thing patched up, okay?

She pauses, flicks the hair out of her face, and wipes her eyes. The two of you spend the next few minutes cleaning and treating the cut, and she wraps your wrist up in a bandage. Then, she quietly insists you sit at the kitchen table with her.  
Naturally, you’re in no mood to object.

JADE: i dont know if its gonna scar or-  
VRISKA: It won’t.  
VRISKA: I’ve taken enough hits to know the difference.  
JADE: oh :(  
JADE: i guess thats good  
JADE: i hope you dont mind me saying this but  
JADE: i really really fucking hate your stupid lusus!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: W8w.  
VRISKA: Wow, I- No, I totally agree.  
VRISKA: I just didn’t expect you to get this worked up a8out it.  
JADE: i know right!!!!  
JADE: but sometimes you just need to get angry about something!!!  
JADE: and what more is there to be angry about than someone who treats my daughter like dirt??????  
JADE: ive never met her and i never will but shes a piece of shit and thats that!  
JADE: shes wrong to hit you ok????  
JADE: and shes wrong to make you into her slave  
JADE: and shes wrong to name you after a sadistic conqueror  
JADE: and she-  
VRISKA: No, it’s not wrong.  
VRISKA: That’s... that’s different.  
JADE: huh???  
JADE: isnt it obvious what kind of message she was trying to send you when she called you that!!!!!  
VRISKA: She didn’t!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: She didn’t call me th8t. She never c8lled me that! Th8t’s the f8cking pro8lem!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: I-  
VRISKA: I- I’m-!

Why is it so hard to say? This is bullshit! You shoot upright, your legs pushing your chair the better part of a foot backwards as you rise.

JADE: oh no did i say something wrong?????? :( :( :(  
VRISKA: Mom, I’m...  
VRISKA: I’m sorry. You’re allowed to h8 me for this.  
VRISKA: 8ut I called myself that.  
VRISKA: 8ecause I-  
JADE: because what???? :O

You sit back down and stare at your knees. You can’t meet her gaze. Not anymore.

VRISKA: I chose my name myself.  
VRISKA: This is hard for me to say out loud. I can’t remem8er the last time I did. I-  
JADE: why would i hate you for that?  
JADE: it seems obvious to me that i just dont get how trolls on alternia felt about their ancestors  
JADE: which means what i said before was insensitive and im sorry for dismissing a name that means a lot to you like that :/  
VRISKA: That’s not what I was talking a8out  
VRISKA: 8ut thanks.  
VRISKA: I just-! don’t 8lame you if you h8 me 8ecause...  
VRISKA: I’m transgender.  
JADE: :O!!!!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: My real name is-  
JADE: is vriska  
VRISKA: ::::o

You blink back a tear.

VRISKA: Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is.

⁂

After dinner, your wrist still stings, your throat still burns, and you feel like you don't have any tears left to cry. You’ve got a good couple of apologetic breakdowns out of your system this afternoon, but you still feel you have a decent few left in you.

JADE: its ok vriska  
JADE: its all perfectly ok  
VRISKA: It's not! It's not okay...  
VRISKA: I'm sorry.  
VRISKA: I'm sorry for lying to you, and I'm sorry for disappointing you, and I'm sorry for 8eing a-

She asked you not to use that kind of language ever again.

VRISKA: Piece of shit who never listens to you.  
VRISKA: And I'm sorry for having this 8ig, stupid 8r8kdown for what you think is no reason and just m8king it all worse!  
VRISKA: I get that you want to treat me like your equal, or whatever, 8ut the simple fact of the matter is I...  
VRISKA: I fucked up a lot today, and I don't deserve your forgiveness.

She puts a hand on your shoulder and presses a cheek against your forehead. You don't pull away this time. 

JADE: no no no vriska first off  
JADE: you didnt lie to me!!! youre vriska and thats that!  
JADE: youll always be vriska harley to me ok?  
JADE: second  
JADE: youre not a disappointment!!!!  
JADE: youre not used to this life yet and its gonna take some time  
JADE: to be honest neither am i but well manage it together  
JADE: as a family  
VRISKA: .  
VRISKA: Yeah, alright.  
VRISKA: Sorry for-  
JADE: dont be!  
VRISKA: Alright.  
VRISKA: 8elieve me, I'm pretty unapologetic to every8ody except you, 8ut it's just...  
VRISKA: I mean, I don't h8 you for 8eing my mom or anything, 8ut...  
JADE: its ok! really it is!  
VRISKA: I'm trying to tell you, it's not okay! Nothing a8out any of this is accepta8le!  
JADE: then it will be  
JADE: one day  
JADE: do you wanna go to bed? i think you need some sleep!!  
VRISKA: Yeah, I guess I should.  
VRISKA: There's just too much for me to handle right now! I'm a complic8ed mess of conflicting feelings, and I don't know what to m8ke of any of it.  
JADE: too many irons on fire?  
VRISKA: That's not...  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
VRISKA: Waaaaaaaay too many irons on fire.  
JADE: if you want i can carry you to bed and tuck you in :D  
VRISKA: What, like a fucking wiggler?  
JADE: did she ever do that for you when you were little???  
VRISKA: ...No.  
VRISKA: ...I think I'd like that, actually.  
VRISKA: You wouldn't think any less of me for it, right?  
JADE: of course not!!!!!!  
VRISKA: I’d manage just fine 8y myself, 8ut I've just totally cried myself to exhaustion. Pretty pathetic, huh?  
JADE: whats wrong with being a little pathetic now and then?

Without waiting for an answer, she tucks one arm under your knees and the other behind your neck and lifts you up out of your chair. She takes you around the corridor and up the stairs, and as you shunt back into your orange pyjamas, you close your eyes, feel her slide you under the covers, and you begin to accept her forgiveness. She turns to leave, but at the last second, she turns back to you from the staircase and gently utters one last thought.

JADE: goodnight vriska! i love you!

In a single syllable, you break her heart.

VRISKA: Why? 

Her soft smile fades into utter terror. She rushes back to you and embraces you with every ounce of strength she has.

JADE: vriska oh my god  
JADE: despite everything you think about yourself youre infinitely precious to me and everything i ever say or do around you will only be to make sure that you grow up happy and healthy and safe  
JADE: and i do all this because i care about you  
JADE: because i see the kind of person you are deep down and shes beautiful  
JADE: and i dont want you to ever ever EVER be afraid to let her surface!!!!!  
VRISKA: She surfaced today, and you seemed pretty intolerant of her... 8ehavior.  
VRISKA: She’s a total mist8ke of a person, and she h8s everything a8out herself.  
VRISKA: And she definitely doesn’t deserve to 8e told you love her.  
JADE: i dont think you know yourself as well as you think you do  
JADE: for a while i was really afraid today because you acted like you wanted to die  
JADE: when really i can tell you want to finally live

She kisses you on the forehead.

JADE: so when i say i love you maybe it might help you to think of that as an invitation  
JADE: to live  
JADE: do you think you can do that for me?  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: .  
VRISKA: I think you’re right.  
VRISKA: I’m tired of hurting, 8ut it’s the only thing I know how to do.  
VRISKA: And I need to let go of that.  
JADE: you feel a strong connection to your family right?  
JADE: thats why you chose that middle name!  
VRISKA: Yeah. It’s not often that trolls get to find out where they come from, so I count myself incredi8ly lucky.  
JADE: well then  
JADE: let me tell you about where we harleys come from  
JADE: you see grandpa harley was adopted and raised at a very young age by the condesce herself!  
JADE: but of course he wasnt really fit to live under the impossible alternian standards she placed on him  
JADE: for 400 years in another timeline it turned out no human ever would be!!!!  
JADE: so one day  
JADE: he ran away  
JADE: and he never came back!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: I know all this already. This is all just redundant inform8tion at this point!  
JADE: no but dont you see  
JADE: he started skaianet and came into his own in a life where she would never see him ever again!!!  
JADE: and when the time came  
JADE: the time to cut my losses and run  
JADE: i followed in his footsteps!  
JADE: i took the five planets of my session across the scratch and began all over again!!!  
JADE: to me what being a harley is  
JADE: is not being scared of starting over  
VRISKA: Pfffffffft! Do you think I’m *scared*?  
VRISKA: Mom, please. What’s there for me to 8e scared of????????  
JADE: you cut yourself because you thought i wanted that because you were afraid i hated you :(  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Alright. You’ve got me there.  
VRISKA: I guess I am pretty scared, huh?  
VRISKA: 8ut I'm starting to get that I'm going to 8e okay.  
VRISKA: And...  
VRISKA: I think I'm starting to get what you are to me.  
VRISKA: So, I'm sorry for 8eing so o8tuse up until this point. I hope you don't think I'm stupid for t8king this long or anything.  
JADE: no of course not vriska!!!! we all learn at different speeds and i think youre picking up on a new culture really really quickly!!!!!  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Thanks.  
VRISKA: For not thinking I'm stupid.  
VRISKA: 8ut also...  
VRISKA: For still calling me Vriska.  
VRISKA: Oh, one last thing:  
VRISKA: Harry and I were hoping to, like, catch up at one point or something, and-  
JADE: sure!  
JADE: but for now i just think you should sleep  
VRISKA: Thanks, mom.  
VRISKA: I love you too.

She chuckles under her breath and leaves, for real this time. She whispers you a final goodnight on her way out, and you whisper one back. You don’t doubt that she hears.

⁂

VRISKA: So, you come here often?

Harry’s come to visit the Troll Kingdom for the day, and you and he have opted to use this as an opportunity to go shopping. Every day, you’d message one another back and forth about how cool it’d be to see each other again, so you wanted to come wearing your absolute best. You’ve dressed up in your blue jeans and brown jacket, and he’s wearing a sky-blue hoodie and slightly torn black jeans. Over his jeans, he’s wearing a plain white, thigh-length skirt, and he’s right about looking great in it.  
The mall is exactly how you imagined it when you picture the word “mall” to yourself, with a labyrinth of stores that seem to stretch on forever and hundreds of adult members of your own species(!) walking up and down and talking to their friends and eating and drinking and doing a whole load of other astoundingly normal things.

HARRY: not a lot, but yeah sometimes vris takes me here.  
HARRY: normally we buy some clothes or some video games or whatever. there’s also a cinema upstairs but i’ve never been there.

You take another sip from the fruit smoothie he bought you. This guy is a fucking delight, honestly! He’s too damn good.

HARRY: should we, like...  
HARRY: buy you some glasses or something?  
VRISKA: Mom still needs to take me to an optometrist.  
VRISKA: That hasn’t happened yet, frustr8tingly enough. All my medical, uh, what’s the word?  
HARRY: i know what you mean.  
VRISKA: Hasn’t come through yet. It’s m8king everything a real pain in the ass!!!!!!!!  
HARRY: oh right yeah! because of the war and stuff.  
HARRY: apparently a lot of troll families who were living in the human kingdom are moving over here. some of them are even second or third generation human kingdom citizens and they just don’t feel safe there anymore.  
HARRY: honestly, it’s really sad.  
VRISKA: Wow, yeah.  
VRISKA: On Alternia, mass exodus was pretty regular, so I’m not totally sh8ken.  
VRISKA: As soon as you were an adult, they’d send you off into space and you’d never see the planet again!  
HARRY: are you fucking serious? that’s awful!  
VRISKA: Helped us conquer the galaxy faster. 8ut yeah, it was pretty harsh.  
HARRY: and they wouldn’t even let you go find out who your family was?  
VRISKA: Nope! The 8rooding caverns were so efficiently streamlined that they didn’t even keep track of which gru8 you came from, much less which slurry. Can they, like, track the very genetic material pair wigglers come from nowadays? I think I read something a8out that.  
HARRY: yeah. most of the trolls my age don’t know their exact parents though.  
HARRY: hell, it was only 16 years ago that they started hatching them without ectobiolo- bluh. however you say it.  
VRISKA: Ecto8iology.  
HARRY: yeah. apparently vris was one of the last they synthesized from you guys’ genes.  
VRISKA: Wow, so she’s like, directly copy-p8sted from my genome?  
HARRY: pretty much!  
HARRY: after that, they did it the, uh...  
HARRY: i really wanna say “normal way” but that’s not really what it is, huh.  
VRISKA: Yeah, and I’m sure your species’s method is *so* much simpler.  
HARRY: well its not like i came all this way to give you the talk, so believe what you want, i guess.

He sticks his hands in his jacket pockets, huffs, and shrugs like a disgruntled fucking anime character. If you had to guess, you’d say he inherited the anime gene from both sides.

VRISKA: How is everything 8etween you two, 8y the way? I can’t quite figure the VrisHarry situ8tion out.  
HARRY: ok first off nobody calls it that.  
HARRY: second, i don’t know what to say?  
HARRY: i mean sure. it’s alright.  
VRISKA: Just alright?  
HARRY: no, it’s good! it’s good...  
VRISKA: You know I’m 8asically psychic, right?  
HARRY: what?!?  
VRISKA: Well, it’s not so much that I can read your thoughts. It’s more like, I can feel your emotions.  
VRISKA: And you know what I’m not feeling?  
VRISKA: Happiness.  
HARRY: i mean it’s... hard.  
HARRY: she spends way more time with tav than she does with me which is...  
HARRY: i dunno. fine i guess.  
HARRY: but i don’t really, like, get it.  
VRISKA: Get what?  
HARRY: god i get how stupid this is gonna sound but  
HARRY: dad... only taught me about one quadrant when i was growing up? so i put way more stock in it than i do in the others, which...  
HARRY: well, is how i ended up in this situation!  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Well, if you’re looking to 8alance your quadrants, you’ve come to the wrong place.  
HARRY: oh i’m not seeking advice or anything. i’m just being kind of jealous about something i’m a bit slow to figure out, because dad’s really scared of troll romance for some reason?  
HARRY: i know he’s trying to be as pro-equal-rights as he can be but he’s really stuck in the past in some ways.  
VRISKA: After everything I taught him, too!  
VRISKA: You’d think after my influence, he’d want to 8e a really 8rave adventurer who isn’t afraid of things 8eing different. 8ut I guess not, right?  
HARRY: ...  
HARRY: so what’s this about you and quadrants?  
HARRY: aunt kanaya made it sound like you used to be a total expert on the matter.  
HARRY: not to mention apparently really flirtatious?  
VRISKA: Ha! Funny story, actually.  
VRISKA: Funny, awful, terri8le, nightmarish story.  
VRISKA: Which I will never recount in full.  
HARRY: is this anything to do with the fact that you weren’t gonna survive into adulthood?  
VRISKA: Who told you that?  
HARRY: just a lucky guess, i suppose.  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
VRISKA: How much do you know a8out the cycle of revenge?  
HARRY: is that the, uh,  
HARRY: the thing?  
HARRY: the thing where all the stuff happened?  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Why don’t you take another shot at that.  
HARRY: i mean i only know the key points.  
HARRY: you broke a guy named tavros’s legs, you killed some girl, terezi blew your eye and arm up with a bomb, you blinded her, the girl you killed came back as a robot and killed you?  
VRISKA: Yeah, that’s the long and short of almost all of it.  
VRISKA: Keyword: Almost.  
VRISKA: There’s a couple things that no8ody knows or remem8ers. Things that I guess 8n’t a 8ig deal to any8ody except me.  
VRISKA: Actually, Terezi pro8a8ly remem8ers. 8ut I don’t think she ever judged me for it.  
HARRY: huh. everything i hear about her makes her sound like a really special person.  
VRISKA: Truer words haven’t 8een spoken.  
HARRY: and also maybe i wouldn’t have even been born if she stayed around?  
HARRY: because dad probably would have gone out with her instead of mom.  
VRISKA: Oh, no. 8est I can tell, they weren’t in that quadrant at all.  
HARRY: but this is my dad we’re talking about.  
VRISKA: Point t8ken.

The two of you make your way into one of those stores that seems to sell everything from clothes to towels to outdoor furniture to movies to books. What are they called, again? Did you have these on Alternia? Hell if you know. You didn’t go shopping very often. You finish your smoothie and toss it in a bin about eight feet away. Sweet throw!

HARRY: so what’s it like, dying?  
VRISKA: Excruci8ting, honestly.  
VRISKA: At least it is when every major 8one gets 8roken and half your organs rupture.  
VRISKA: God, I must have had more 8lood outside than in!  
VRISKA: I’ve faced a lot of really scary shit in my life, 8ut I don’t think I ever felt that same level of pure animalistic panic 8efore or since!  
HARRY: wow. that sounds really intense!  
HARRY: but was it worth it? you got your arm and your eye back!  
VRISKA: I wouldn’t say that.  
VRISKA: They’re gone forever. I’m not gonna get them 8ack. And I’m not gonna get that 8ody 8ack, either. 8ut honestly? Good riddance! I’m so much happier in this one!  
HARRY: oh, right. is this one, like...  
VRISKA: ‘,::::/  
HARRY: ...female?  
VRISKA: They’re 8oth female. They’re 8oth mine.  
HARRY: yeah, that’s why i didn’t wanna say it like that.  
VRISKA: I get your point, though. And yeah. This one’s the right one.  
VRISKA: It’s hard to explain moving your consciousness 8etween two different people.  
VRISKA: Hell, the concept of 8eing two different people is hard enough to explain on its own!  
VRISKA: 8ut I think 8eing this Vriska is just...  
VRISKA: Cozier.  
VRISKA: It’s not so much that I’m happy 8eing this instance of me. It’s more like I feel welcome in it.  
HARRY: oh, nice! that sounds really sweet.  
VRISKA: 8elieve me, it is! It’s the a8solute 8est!  
HARRY: i’m happy to hear that!  
HARRY: anyway i was wondering if you wanted to buy anything.  
VRISKA: Hm! Good question.  
VRISKA: May8e some...  
VRISKA: Well, I’m normally not this 8are-f8ced.

You begin wandering the store in more or less a random fashion. Now where could the cosmetics be?

HARRY: really? i think you look fine.  
VRISKA: Then imagine how amazing I normally look.

He blinks in astonishment, as if doing exactly that.

HARRY: were makeup colors caste restricted on alternia? ive kinda wondered about that.  
HARRY: i know a lot of stuff was, right?  
VRISKA: Well, it’s not like you *couldn’t* 8uy them or anything.  
VRISKA: It’s just that wearing them was seen as defiance of hatchright and was practically guaranteed to land you in hot water.  
VRISKA: Usually culled, if you didn’t keep it on the down-low. Especially if you were posing as a higher caste than you 8elonged to!  
HARRY: holy shit! they really did just kill you for basically anything, huh?  
VRISKA: Pretty much, yeah. Them’s the 8r8ks! 

He finds a map of the store on a wall. From here, it’s pretty easy to figure out where to go.

HARRY: even being trans?  
HARRY: you said alternia was kinda transphobic.  
VRISKA: That’s also defiance of hatchright. It’s not seen as culla8le, though, 8ecause it’s too hard to enforce. And I don’t really think most people even gave a shit? M8ke no mist8ke, they’d call you some pretty awful things and jeer at you and stuff, 8ut that’s as far as they t8ke it.  
VRISKA: Especially if you 8eat a few of them up over it.  
VRISKA: Except some purple8loods, o8viously. They didn’t take 8r8king tradition like that so lightly!  
VRISKA: If anyone ever took issue with the way you presented yourself, chances are it was a purple8lood!  
HARRY: wow, huh.  
HARRY: all the purplebloods i know are just, like, normal people. i guess by virtue of not being brought up in a segregated caste-war bloodbath society.  
HARRY: did gamzee ever give you any shit for this stuff?  
VRISKA: Actually, as purples went, Gamzee was pretty progressive?  
HARRY: holy shit.  
VRISKA: He still wasn’t gr8, though, o8viously.  
VRISKA: Murdered a good friend of mine for 8eing annoying, and there was only one rung difference 8etween them.  
VRISKA: On Alternia, he would have gotten off scot free for that.  
HARRY: yeesh. everything i hear about alternia just makes it sound worse and worse!  
VRISKA: It wasn’t all 8ad. 8ut I can see where you'd get that impression.  
VRISKA: Hey, you mind if I t8ke a 8athroom 8r8k? I’ll meet you right 8ack here.  
HARRY: sure. i’ll see if i can find that stuff for you.

⁂

This was supposed to be a quick little in and out thing.

Your phone buzzes again. Another message from Harry. He’s wondering where you are right now. You’re in the bathroom, of course. Where else would you be?  
You're standing at the sinks, fingers gripping a porcelain rim like your life depends on it. Your eyes are fixed on your own reflection. You can't look away now, what if someone sees you? What if someone notices you don't belong in this bathroom, and they... well, you're not sure what they'd do, but the word "JUST" bounces around in your head.  
It's okay, Vriska. You pass. You pass, and you're fine. What, are you scared of a couple of *mortals* seeing you? Hahahahahahahaha! Now that the game is over, it's like you've reverted to being as much of a coward as you were beforehand!  
But it's fine, anyway! Just look at yourself! Why is anybody going to have a problem with you in this body? Why is anyone here going to reject a form you adopted to feel a sense of belonging *as a woman*? You're just being paranoid!  
But at the same time, you've never been in the ladies' room before, much less with your makeup gone and your hair cut short. Everyone keeps shooting glances over at you, and you feel like you could just shrivel up and disappear!  
Come onnnnnnnn, Vriska. They don't know, right? There's no way they could! And even if, somehow, they did, who's to say they wouldn't accept you? Come on, come on, come on, eight. Sixteen.

VRISKA: (Twenty-four. Thirty-two. Forty.)

Your whispers are drowned out by the heaviness of your heartbeat. You can only breathe in light, insubstantial breaths. Your skin feels cold. You cannot think, you cannot move, you can hardly breathe.  
Is this a panic attack? You think it’s a panic attack. You so fucking badly wish Terezi was here.  
You glance over at the door. It's *right there*, but at the same time, you're safe if you stay where you are. The bathroom mirror renders the entire room visible to you, but you're close enough to it that nobody can see your face. You're counting on nobody seeing your face.  
Your knees are close to buckling. Your throat is dry, your lungs are empty, your skin is frigid with the unfulfilled need to perspire, and now your knees are close to buckling.  
A human woman walks up to you. Every muscle in your body goes taut.

!!!!: hey  
!!!!: you uh  
!!!!: you feelin ok?  
VRISKA: Wh........?  
!!!!: youve been starin at that mirror a mighty long time is all  
!!!!: i just figured maybe youre kinda freaked out about the war or something  
!!!!: hell, gods know i sure am!  
VRISKA: Huh?  
VRISKA: Oh, yeah. Right.

She puts a hand on your shoulder and you flinch.

????: my oh my its depressin to think kids like you might grow up thinkin this is normal  
????: im sorry you have to see this side of the world at your age

The irony of her pitying an Alternian for growing up in as peaceful an environment as this is not lost on you.

????: mind you im scared shitless too  
????: i was 6 when the gods first showed up actually  
????: so yeah im not a whole lot older than you but i was around before all this started happenin

Before she can say anything else, you pretend your phone buzzes.

VRISKA: Hey, I gotta go. My friend is wondering what's t8king me so long.

You leave as quickly as possible without another word as the equilibrium rendering you torn between staying and leaving tips in favor of just fucking legging it.  
It takes you a moment to find Harry, but when you do, you hug him as tight as you can.

HARRY: uh,  
HARRY: is everything ok?

You let go.

VRISKA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine, I'm fine, th8nks for asking 8ut I'm totally fucking a-ok8y!  
HARRY: you sure? you look kinda stressed out about something.  
VRISKA: Oh, that? That's just how I normally look!  
HARRY: you... normally look stressed out?  
VRISKA: Yeah!  
HARRY: ...is that because you normally *are* stressed out?  
VRISKA: Since when have you ever known me to stress over something?  
HARRY: right now, i think.  
VRISKA: Ugh! Fine. Yeah, I’m just kind of... You know what? It doesn’t even matter! Why don’t we just go?  
VRISKA: You’re not entitled to knowing how I’m feeling every hour of every day.  
HARRY: uh,  
HARRY: sure? you know you can basically tell me anything though, right?

You are not going to tell this guy you met a week ago that you had a mental breakdown in a public bathroom.

VRISKA: Sure.  
HARRY: oh i bought you some stuff too.  
HARRY *the* stuff, even.

He fishes a cerulean-hued makeup kit out of his bag and hands it to you. You snatch it out of his clutches.

VRISKA: Fuck yes. I am gonna look stunning, just you w8.  
VRISKA: When’s the next time you’re gonna see me?  
HARRY: I dunno. Your dad’s funeral, I guess.  
VRISKA: First off, he’s not my father.  
VRISKA: ...I don’t have a second off, actually.  
VRISKA: When you see me there, I’ll pro8a8ly 8e wearing this.  
HARRY: i’m amazed you’re not like, totally fucked up by knowing him as a teen for three years and then hearing he died just before he turned forty.  
VRISKA: I’ve got enough to 8e fucked up over already. This is small pot8oes. It doesn’t even register, honestly!  
VRISKA: I mean yeah, sure. It’s weird. Of course it is! And I’m totally disoriented 8y everything a8out this new world.  
VRISKA: If I knew any of this was going to happen if I went to fight Lord English, I definitely wouldn’t have. Let’s leave it at that, okay?  
VRISKA: 8ut at the same time, now that I know you, I think it would 8e weird if I was suddenly twenty-three years your senior!  
VRISKA: I guess that must 8e how all my old friends feel a8out me, huh.  
HARRY: :/  
HARRY: what do you think you’d be doing right now if you didn’t?  
VRISKA: You mean now in terms of my chronology, or now in terms of what my chronology should 8e?  
HARRY: i dunno. either, i guess.  
VRISKA: Well, if I was sixteen and so was every8ody else, I would pro8a8ly have my arrival still 8eing cele8r8ed 8y........  
VRISKA: Hm! I’m not sure which kingdom I would have associ8ed myself with. May8e the Human Kingdom.  
VRISKA: If I was thirty-nine, on the other hand... I’m not sure. It all really depends on whether me and Terezi would have had a kid or not.  
VRISKA: Damn, that would 8e something.  
VRISKA: I’m kind of worried that we’d fuck them up somehow.  
HARRY: who knows?  
HARRY: it seems weird that your whole game was supposed to prepare you to, like, repopulate your species or whatever, but it never taught you how to raise a child.  
HARRY: god.  
HARRY: sometimes i wonder if i would be as fucked up as mom and dad if i was in their place.  
HARRY: i mean all of you guys seem really traumatized by the stuff you saw in that game.  
HARRY: except auntie janey i guess. From what i hear she had a pretty cozy upbringing and a pretty quiet time in the game.  
VRISKA: I mean I’m no expert on the *psychological effects of trauma on a developing mind* or whatever-  
VRISKA: -at least, not in the case of 8eing a total weenie who can’t find the strength to overcome it-  
VRISKA: 8uuuuuuuut, I can say that even if you had 8een in their place, at least you would have had cooler ho88ies than they do, and 8y extension a less em8arrassing strife deck on hand.  
VRISKA: ...Actually, what *do* you do for fun?  
HARRY: oh a whole bunch of stuff! uh,  
HARRY: street photography, collecting old paperback novels, baking, re-  
VRISKA: Damn! Just when I was starting to think you were cool, you go and say something like that.  
HARRY: gee, thanks. the feeling’s mutual.  
VRISKA: Relaaaaaaaax! I’m just fucking with you.  
HARRY: yeah i know. i’ve heard that’s basically your m.o. for getting to know people.  
HARRY: and vris is basically the same in that regard.  
HARRY: are all trolls like their ancestors?  
VRISKA: Whoa, no. No they are not, and this line of thinking is totally stupid, and dum8, and neither of us are going to say another word on the matter. Alright? Alright.  
HARRY: um...  
HARRY: it sounds like you have major issues with me saying something like that?  
HARRY: so i won’t.  
VRISKA: You really are your dad’s son, huh?  
HARRY: you are not... the first person to have made a remark like that...

He scratches the back of his neck and mumbles under his breath.

HARRY: or the tenth...  
VRISKA: Hey. For what it’s worth, I’m sure people would say the same a8out me and my lusus if they ever met her.  
VRISKA: And survived, I mean.

He winces at that last part.

HARRY: that’s... that’s fucking grisly.  
VRISKA: You’re preaching to the organized vocal jury here, Harry.  
HARRY: i know, i know, just...  
HARRY: aaagh, wow.  
HARRY: sorry about your whole...  
VRISKA: It’s fine. I’m over it.  
HARRY: oh, good.  
HARRY: i’m glad to hear that.

You just absentmindedly nod at one another for a second. Everything is cool. Everything pertaining to your lusus is fine, and normal, and tied up long ago! It’s all good.

_Thirty-two, forty, forty-eight, fifty-six,_

Just fine. 

HARRY: hey uh,  
HARRY: let me know if the, you know, the stuff, uh,

He points to the kit he bought for you. 

HARRY: uh, fits? is that, like,  
VRISKA: No.  
HARRY: how it wor- no?  
VRISKA: No, that’s...  
HARRY: that’s not...?  
VRISKA: That’s not how it works at all.  
HARRY: huh.  
HARRY: ok that’s good.  
HARRY: ...?  
VRISKA: .  
HARRY: .  
HARRY: i can’t wait to see you in it, i guess.  
HARRY: especially under not-macabre circumstances?

⁂

As you apply it for the first time a few days later, you listen to the album again. You fixate on track 16 for some reason, almost as if you’re drawn to it. A voice in the foreground sounds just like your lusus, and yet, it speaks nothing to you but encouragement. You sense the same familiar sensation of something crawling up your neck, but it feels more like a supportive pat on the back than anything else. You feel almost as if it’s reminding you to keep it together, to keep your head held high, and to become a version of yourself that you can love.

That’s why you became Vriska in the first place, after all.

You’re dressed completely in black today, in a lacy little dress your mom rented out for you. Today, you’re going to be attending Dave’s funeral, as hard as it is for you to wrap your head around the fact that he’s dead. You imagine it’s like that for everyone, though, albeit in a very different way.

Within the hour, you and your mom are waiting outside the church with a crowd of other friends of yours and hers, all of whom are dressed in black. The building is a drab gray, marred by the green highlights of copper that had been eaten away by the centuries. The building seems to cast a sharper shadow than anything or anyone else present. No, sharper isn’t the right word. Heavier, perhaps, is more accurate, as if the edifice's whole purpose, its very destiny, has always been to one day mark the passing of the Knight of Time. You recall a bizarre question your lusus once posed.

SPIDERMOM: What must the devout do in the temple of his god?

You shudder to remember the answer.

The funeral seems to be a private event, you assume (based on the absence of a massive audience of strangers coming to pay their respects at the death of a god). Even then, though, the crowd is smaller than you anticipated. You note the absence of Roxy and Jane (Harry tells you the former was too grief-stricken to make an appearance and... you can guess what the deal with the latter is). Jade notes something far more important. 

JADE: wheres karkat????  
JADE: were supposed to be starting any minute now and hes still not here!!!  
VRISKA: What, like he’s just going to give his position away to the government this easily?  
JADE: please vriska i havent seen him in years and ive been hoping that maybe  
JADE: just maybe  
JADE: hed show up for something as important to him as daves funeral  
JADE: but i guess not! 

You scan the crowd urgently. Surely he’s here somewhere? You can’t see him, though.  
You recognize almost everyone here, but there’s still a small handful of people you don’t. Mostly trolls, but a couple of humans and a decent amount of carapacians, too. There’s one figure you see, standing way off in the distance and looking at you. He’s a human, dressed in a trench coat which obscures most of his body, and a wide-brimmed hat to match. And if you look really closely, you think he’s wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses, half-covered by an unkempt fringe of fair hair.  
He waves to you when you look at him, but he doesn’t smile. You wave back, slowly, as you try to get your head around the fact that he looks exactly like... no. It couldn’t be. Right? This is his funeral!

VRISKA: Hey mom, is that... 

You turn to her, trying to get her attention, but she looks to be buried deep in a conversation with Kanaya about how That Black Gown Goes Outstandingly Well With Your Short Hair and how the Lalondes are So Very Very Terribly Sorry For Your Loss and that If You Ever Need Something Just Ask. You turn back to face the mysterious figure, but he’s gone.

He’s just...

Not there. 

Your mind races a million miles a minute. Was that past Dave, come to examine the circumstances of his own passing? Is that how he knew he was going to die? He actually, consciously knew???????? Well, if that’s the case, how DARE he treat your mother like this, lying to her to absolve himself of any accountability he might have for keeping his death from her, lying to her and making her believe that she’d hit forty without being a goddamn widow. Urgh! You just wish you could jump back in time and kick his ass!  
All you’ve got instead is his useless shitty cadaver in this building, and beating the crap out of that isn’t going to achieve anything unless you want to give everyone around you good reason to think you’re completely insane.  
Between this and the whole Terezi thing, you’re at a point where time travel would just solve all of your problems. But Dave’s dead and Aradia apparently just doesn’t exist anymore. 

JADE: yeah vriska?  
VRISKA: Oh, nothing.  
VRISKA: Just thought I saw something, is all.  
VRISKA: 8ut o8viously, my eyesight isn’t gr8 right now.

She ignored everything after “nothing”, of course, but you can hardly blame her. She’s on the brink of totally falling apart with panic. 

JADE: where is he  
JADE: hes gotta be around somewhere right? <:(  
ROSE: If I may have everyone’s attention, the service is about to begin. If you could all make your way inside, that would be very much appreciated.

⁂

Jade marches home in long, quick strides, and you struggle to keep up behind her. She’s back in her Witch outfit, with her hands in the pockets and her ears down low. You can almost feel the anger radiating off her. 

JADE: he didnt fucking come!  
JADE: i thought today of all days hed finally show up but no!!!!!  
JADE: i thought maybe hed finally talk to me again and say sorry for running away all those years ago but of COURSE not!!!!!!!!

Tears are running down her face. She wipes them away. Did she just...?

VRISKA: Mom?  
JADE: what the fuck do you want!!!!! 

You recoil. 

VRISKA: What happened to your hand?  
JADE: what are you talking about???? nothing happened to my hand!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Really? 8ecause that doesn’t look like nothing.

She tenses up. 

JADE: just now  
JADE: did you see my hand  
VRISKA: Yeah. What’s wrong with it?  
JADE: um  
VRISKA: Don’t think you can keep secrets from me, mom. I know something’s up!  
VRISKA: Is this what Rose was talking a8out when she said you had a condition???????? You think you can just write all this off as “anger issues”????????  
JADE: i  
JADE: i didnt mean to keep this from you im sorry :(  
JADE: as soon as we get home we can talk about it  
JADE: i just  
JADE: argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
JADE: im so mad about karkat not showing up!!!!!!!

When you get home, you both kick your shoes off by the door and head to the living room in a huff. As per usual at this point, she takes the couch and you take the armchair. 

JADE: ugh  
JADE: alright lets talk about this 

She takes her hands out of her pockets and pulls back her sleeves. Her left hand has gone completely ebony in color just up past the elbow, and her right, pretty far beyond the wrist.

JADE: every time i get actually really super angry youve probably noticed i cover my left hand up  
JADE: or in more extreme circumstances both hands  
JADE: well  
JADE: this is why  
VRISKA: You’re...  
JADE: grimbark is the word we picked out for it  
VRISKA: Why is it just your arms, though?  
JADE: oh its not! ive got grimbarkness all up and down my body right now but those are easier to cover up  
JADE: the hands are usually the first thing to go though  
JADE: well  
JADE: the eyes too actually but theyre pretty hard to just hide :/  
JADE: but yeah its a gradual thing its not all at once like it was when the condesce mind controlled me  
VRISKA: I don’t-  
VRISKA: This is a lot to take in.  
JADE: yeah im sure it is!!!  
VRISKA: How does it, like...?  
JADE: happen?  
JADE: it was around 10 or 15 years ago i figured out that the power to transform like that was inside me the whole time  
JADE: it feels really good actually!  
JADE: so whenever i need to let off some steam i let it take over a little bit  
VRISKA: Doesn’t that m8ke you, like, a ticking time 8om8?  
VRISKA: One day, you’re just gonna go 100% grim8ark!  
JADE: oh no no i actually do that a lot  
JADE: or  
JADE: did  
JADE: around dave :(  
JADE: he was the only person who knew except for rose of course  
JADE: and he was ok with it too!!!! he saw me go through all that and he still loved me  
JADE: and he would always help me come back down  
JADE: but now hes gone

She begins to sob. You wish you knew what to say. Instead, you just put your hand on her back.

JADE: this is why i teleported you out of daves studio on your first day here  
JADE: im sorry im normally so much better composed than this!!!!!!  
VRISKA: It’s okay, mom! It’s fine.  
VRISKA: If you wanna go all in around me, you can. I don’t mind!  
VRISKA: I’ve seen worse!  
VRISKA: Hell, I’ve *had* worse 8r8kdowns than that.  
JADE: ......really?  
JADE: youd be ok with that?  
VRISKA: Hey, 8e my guest. If anything goes wrong, I can just knock you out.

She sighs. You retract your hand as she begins to breathe deeper and deeper, until every breath becomes a snarl, and her hair stands on end, and the color fades from her neck, and then her head, and then her face, and finally, the fur on her ears. Then, she takes one big, deep breath, and relaxes.

JADE: ...  
JADE: .....  
JADE: .........  
JADE: how do i look?  
VRISKA: Honestly? Pretty fucking fantastic!

She runs a hand through her hair and laughs. You giggle a little too.

VRISKA: How do you feel?  
JADE: hm thats a good question  
JADE: i think i feel.....  
JADE: totally amazing? heheheh!  
JADE: its hard to describe! theres not really anything else like it!  
JADE: and its a lot lighter than it used to feel now that the green sun is out of my head  
JADE: wow i just  
JADE: never thought id get to do this again after dave died  
JADE: but you know what?  
VRISKA: What?  
JADE: fuck needing him to do this! this is my magical anime girl transformation and i should be able to do it whenever i want!!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: 8888O  
JADE: wow i forgot how much i loved getting angry in this form and having someone actually listen!  
VRISKA: Keep going! Keep going!!!!!!!!  
JADE: alright alright alright!!!! 

She claps and rubs her hands together in excitement. The sound is remarkably like thunder.

JADE: you know who i hate right now?????  
JADE: karkat!!!!!!  
JADE: that DOUCHEBAG wouldnt even show up to the funeral!  
JADE: youd think that maybe hed at least write a letter sending his condolences but i guess we werent gonna get that either!  
JADE: wow what a neurotic little weirdo!!! is he being paranoid and thinks theres NO WAY he can safely transmit the message “SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS” to a house he spent 10 years living in or does he just wanna avoid talking to me that badly??????  
VRISKA: Yeah!!!!!!!! Fuck Karkat!!!!!!!!  
JADE: hm who else can i get mad at  
JADE: your lusus!!!!!!!  
JADE: what a fucking bitch she is for everything she did to MY DAUGHTER!  
JADE: how dare she???????? she got what she deserved!!!!  
JADE: (actually uh)  
JADE: (what happened to her in the end)  
VRISKA: Same as everything else.  
JADE: jack?  
VRISKA: Jack.  
JADE: hahahaha yeah!!!!!! killed by a boss you helped create!!!!!  
VRISKA: Wow, I...  
VRISKA: I never thought a8out it like that!  
VRISKA: 8ut you’re right! I’m a part of the reason she’s dead forever!!!!!!!!  
JADE: yeah!!!!!!  
JADE: and while im here fuck grandpa!!!!  
VRISKA: Huh????????

Oh, this is gonna be good.

JADE: yeah nice going grandpa! way to keep your granddaughter stuck on that desert island her whole life and socially impairing her in every way forever!!!!  
JADE: who needs to learn how it feels to talk to other people face to face when i have a whole mysterious ancient temple i can explore, fall down and die without anyone ever knowing i existed?????  
VRISKA: You know what? Yeah, fuck that guy!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Not to mention your hell8east lusus!

She double-takes at you and bares her fangs defensively. You back up in your chair.

JADE: what the fuck did you just call me??????  
VRISKA: What? I-  
JADE: ive done NOTHING but look after jade  
JADE: i mean  
JADE: fuck  
JADE: look after...  
JADE: me?  
JADE: arghhh this is so confusing!!!!!!!!!  
JADE: whatever!! just shut the fuck up!!!

Just over a week ago, you would have completely shut down if she talked to you like this. But in that short time, you and she have grown far, far closer.  
No matter what, Jade’s just a regular person, the same as you. And you know what? Maybe at a time like this, being treated like one is exactly what she needs.

VRISKA: You’re........ 8ec?  
JADE: ...  
JADE: i guess its about time i told someone  
JADE: its hard to put into words i think  
JADE: but i see bec the same way i see jade  
JADE: like two halves of the same whole  
JADE: and im just so tired of one half having to take the back seat all the time!!! sometimes im just jade for so long it gets exhausting!!!!  
VRISKA: I can rel8, in a way.  
VRISKA: At least, to the idea of 8eing tired of presenting in a certain way for a long time.  
VRISKA: O8viously though, it’s a very different case for me!  
VRISKA: 8ut yeah, I totally know what it’s like to just get so TIRED of people expecting you to 8e someone you don’t want to 8e anymore!  
JADE: .....  
JADE: i never even considered somebody else could know how it feels......  
JADE: but yeah!!!!!! it feels so good to just be myself right now!!!!!  
JADE: you dont see me any differently for it though right?  
VRISKA: Do you want me to?  
JADE: im not totally sure yet  
JADE: not even dave knew about this  
JADE: i really didnt want to freak him out by telling him that his wife was  
JADE: um  
JADE: i dont think i need to finish that thought!  
VRISKA: If it makes you feel any 8etter a8out it...  
VRISKA: I’m happy to finally have a lusus again.  
VRISKA: One that doesn’t make my life hell, at that!  
JADE: and im happy to have another daughter to look after!!!! one who isnt literally also me at that!  
JADE: ...  
JADE: remember last week  
JADE: or maybe the week before im kind of losing track!!!  
JADE: you asked me why i was so passive all the time?  
VRISKA: Yeah?  
JADE: well  
JADE: um  
JADE: ok this is going to be weird and hard to say so im just going to say it all in third person!  
JADE: jade really regrets how overbearing and controlling bec was when bec raised jade and  
JADE: bec doesnt wanna make that mistake again :(  
JADE: is it bad of me to take as much of a back seat as i have??? i dont know!  
VRISKA: Me neither.  
VRISKA: 8ut I do remem8er what you told me.  
JADE: .......?  
VRISKA: One day at a time, right?

She smiles wide, yet softly. You think it's a beautiful smile. You wonder if anyone has ever told her that.

JADE: one day at a time!!!

You briefly consider bringing up the fact that you saw Dave at the funeral, but for some reason, you can't bring yourself to do it. Why not? It seems like the rational thing to do. Besides, isn't it a little arrogant of you to decide you can choose what she does and doesn't know?  
Well, when has the risk of being arrogant ever so much as slowed you down in the past? And if Dave himself didn't tell her, that must mean there's a reason, and you'd be lying if you said that's not at least a little intriguing. But it's a mystery you'd be better off solving yourself.  
Besides, she's happy right now, and... well, you kind of want her to stay that way. After everything you've managed to piece together about her life from the past week and a half, you decide that she deserves that perhaps more than anyone else.

Well, except Terezi. But it's too late for that now.

JADE: i really should be thanking you  
JADE: after the funeral i was so sure that today was going to go down as the worst day in my life  
JADE: but now i dont really feel that bad!  
JADE: in fact i feel kind of relieved  
JADE: i feel like a new chapter of my life is beginning!!!!

⁂

ROSE: Jade tells me all your paperwork finally came through.  
VRISKA: Yeah!!!!!!!! We’re at the optometrist right now, as a matter of fact.  
VRISKA: As it turns out, I need to get the left lens custom made to accomod8 my “unique condition”.  
ROSE: Oh? For some reason, I assumed you must have known that.  
VRISKA: Nope! My whole life, everything’s 8een out of focus in that eye. I just assumed I had worse vision in it and that was that!  
VRISKA: If I’m totally honest, I can’t w8 to see the world with perfectly clear eyes8ght like that.  
ROSE: My daughter hatched with the same condition, obviously. Thankfully, we managed to get her refractive surgery when she was about six or seven and she hasn’t needed corrective lenses since.  
VRISKA: I’m not so interested in getting a 8unch of doctors to prod around at my fucking eye8alls myself, 8ut I’ll keep that in mind as a thing people can apparently do.  
VRISKA: Even if I was, I’m getting a pair of 8lack 8rowline glasses 8ecause I look fucking incredi8le in them anyway.  
ROSE: I’m picturing you in them now.  
ROSE: Yes, I think they’d suit you nicely.  
ROSE: Do you know if they’ll be ready in time for your first day of school?  
VRISKA: I think so?  
VRISKA: When is that?  
ROSE: Four days from now.  
VRISKA: Wow, yeah. The day 8efore, in fact!  
ROSE: The universe has these strange ways of working out in the nick of time, doesn’t it?  
ROSE: If you’ll excuse me, though, Kanaya’s not yet retired from the brooding caverns for the evening, and Vriska’s left her literature assignment to the last minute as per her standard procedure.  
ROSE: That, of course, leaves dinner to me.  
ROSE: It’s been a pleasure catching up, as always.  
VRISKA: W8!  
VRISKA: 8efore you go, I really ought to thank you.  
VRISKA: I didn’t really deserve this life you g8ve me.  
ROSE: Of course you did. You killed Lord English, after all.  
VRISKA: Haha, yeah, that sure was a thing that I did!  
VRISKA: 8ut...  
ROSE: But?  
VRISKA: I don’t know. I just assumed that I was irredeema8le for the longest time, and that the further I descended into that, the more Paradox Space was going to repay my actions in kind!  
ROSE: Ah! You believe in karma, yes?  
VRISKA: I’m not sure what I 8elieve in.  
VRISKA: 8ut I 8elieved that I’d never 8e given the opportunity to...  
VRISKA: I'm really not sure. 8e happy, I guess.  
ROSE: I know the feeling well.  
ROSE: Or knew, rather.  
ROSE: But even the harshest storms pass in time.  
VRISKA: If that’s true, well...  
VRISKA: Thanks for parting the clouds.  
ROSE: Don’t mention it.  
ROSE: Now if you don’t mind, I really must tend to the kitchen post-haste.  
VRISKA: Alright, I won’t take up another moment of your time.  
VRISKA: 8ut say hi to Vris from me!  
ROSE: Of course. 

As you switch your new phone off and slip it back into your pocket, you huff silently and smile to yourself.

JADE: hey vriska are you ready to go?  
VRISKA: Sure!

You stand up and follow Jade out of the shop, wondering to yourself if you really see her as an authority figure at all, let alone a parent. You don’t know, it’s kinda weird. Not that you stand even the slightest chance of being a half-decent judge of that. Or even an eighth-decent.

But you don’t think it matters. She’s your mom, and that’s that. And you don’t think you could have asked for a better mother.

On your way back home - Jade insists on taking the bus everywhere, and you think it’s pretty sweet at this point - you pull out your phone again and send a message that you've been itching to send for a while now.

VRISKA: Hey.  
JOHN: oh hey (vriska)! what’s up?  
VRISKA: I’ve 8een thinking a8out a few things that you and I talked a8out.  
VRISKA: I can’t sh8ke the feeling that you were right.  
JOHN: right about what?  
VRISKA: A8out 8eing the Thief of Light! A8out having more levels to clim8!  
VRISKA: I think I unlocked more powers, 8ut I can’t say for sure.  
JOHN: oh this sounds interesting! what kind of powers?  
VRISKA: I have a vision, now and again, and it’s weirdly upsetting.  
JOHN: huh! that doesn’t sound very thiefy to me!  
JOHN: maybe stuff gets weird in those upper levels?  
VRISKA: Well, that’s the thing. I think this is a vision only a thief can have.  
VRISKA: 8ecause this o8ject I’m seeing is immensely valua8le for reasons I can’t pin down yet.  
VRISKA: And I know, somehow, that I have to t8ke it.  
JOHN: ok yeah that sounds really thiefy.  
JOHN: maybe even as thiefy as it gets?  
JOHN: what is it?  
VRISKA: It’s the red 8ox that the treasure came in. Either that, or one remarka8ly similar in fashion.  
VRISKA: There’s just one pro8lem, though. I can’t get it.  
VRISKA: Every time I see it, it’s in my respite8lock 8ack on Alternia for some reason.  
VRISKA: Somehow, I’m *certain* I need to find a way 8ack.  
JOHN: (vriska)...  
VRISKA: Now, I know you want to say that’s impossi8le, 8ut what if it isn’t!!!!!!!!  
JOHN: :(  
VRISKA: Oh, don’t you DARE give me one of your two-eyed Earth human sad faces.  
JOHN: (vriska) please i can’t watch my niece do this to herself!  
VRISKA: This is really important stuff I’m realizing here and you’re the only one I can talk to a8out it!  
JOHN: please listen to me! i’ve already lost you twice before and i don’t want you to end up hurt or worse!  
VRISKA: No, you listen to me! Mom would say I need to put all the sgru8 stuff 8ehind me, and tell me that I need to let go of my Alternian roots, and Rose would say I’m delusional or something, and that I need to give up on trying to find some sort of, I don’t know, powers that shouldn’t mean anything anymore!  
JOHN: and they would both be right!  
JOHN: stop trying to look for a way back, ok?  
JOHN: that’s not a vision, alright? you’re just trying to make sense of...  
JOHN: i’m not totally sure. mental noise or something! patterns in your head that don’t make any sense!  
VRISKA: What are you talking a8out???????? You seemed really on 8oard with this whole thing until I 8rought up the 8ox!  
JOHN: of course i am! the game ended a long time ago, after all!  
JOHN: isn’t it kind of obvious that nothing has anything to do with it any more?  
VRISKA: Alright, genius. What’s your theory for my very real vision, since you’re so smart, and apparently know everything????????  
VRISKA: I saw you typing that message just now, and immedia8ly deleting it. I didn’t realize there was something so secret a8out me, that not even *I’m* allowed to know a8out it!  
JOHN: well i mean  
JOHN: the thing is  
JOHN: you do have some really heavy trauma that i don’t think you ever unpacked?  
VRISKA: WHAT????????  
JOHN: hey, you know it’s true!  
VRISKA: No I don’t!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: 8ecause it’s not!!!!!!!!  
JOHN: you didn’t know?  
JOHN: wow, holy shit. i just kind of expected that you would have figured that out by now.  
VRISKA: What the fuck are you talking a8out????????  
JOHN: i'm just saying you did see some fucked up stuff in your session and on alternia and it obviously affected you!  
JOHN: i don't think it's all that surprising that your brain is throwing together a whole bunch of upsetting images and experiences from particularly awful moments and periods of your life and you're trying to make sense of them?  
VRISKA: Oh come oooooooon, John. Don't you remem8er our dynamic at all?  
VRISKA: *I'm* the one who knows how everything works, and I tell *you* what to do and how to figure stuff out!  
VRISKA: Has 8eing old turned you senile and irr8tional?  
VRISKA: Has your time away from the game m8de you soft and forgetful?  
VRISKA: Has your 8izarre human heterosexuality clogged up your memory pipes or something????????  
JOHN: that's not how that works.  
JOHN: but now that you mention it all my smartest friends are gay? so maybe you're onto something.  
JOHN: whatever. let's chalk that up to "possible, but irrelevant".  
JOHN: the bottom line is that was two thirds of my life ago.  
JOHN: since then, well,  
JOHN: i had a teenager.  
JOHN: i pretty much know how the adolescent mind tries to comprehend a bunch of complicated thoughts and ideas like the back of my hand now?  
JOHN: i mean i haven't figured out what to do with that information yet! i'm not exactly a great dad so far. but that's not important.  
JOHN: to this conversation i mean.  
JOHN: the other thing is a few years ago rose finally kicked my ass into seeing a psychiatrist and it turns out  
JOHN: uh,  
JOHN: i have ptsd.  
JOHN: actually i have a whole bunch of mental health issues that i’ve been living with since i was 13? honestly it’s really fucked up that i never sat down and talked with anyone about them before.  
JOHN: again i’m getting off track here. what i’m trying to say is that i actually had weird visions too for a while.  
JOHN: and then there came a pretty clear cutoff point where the subject matter of those dreams didn’t really matter anymore. but that didn’t stop me from having them! if anything they only got weirder and more upsetting over time. :(  
JOHN: there were times when, say, i might just pull a knife out of the kitchen drawer to cut up some bread or something? totally unremarkable stuff like that. and suddenly i would just feel like i was on the battlefield again, fighting jack noir!  
JOHN: and i just bring this up because that sounds totally in line with what you’re feeling right now.  
VRISKA: Dammit, John! Mom’s already m8king me see a ther8pist, I don’t need this from you!  
VRISKA: Why would I have mental pro8lems, much less ones pert8ining to a 8unch of shit you’re trying to tell me doesn’t matter????????  
VRISKA: If it’s not important, shouldn’t I just 8e a8le to purge all those thoughts and images from my mind?  
VRISKA: Yeah! Lost for words now, huh? How’s a8out that, smart guy?  
JOHN: you know what? sure.  
JOHN: maybe you’re right and you are having really important visions.  
JOHN: if that makes you feel better, then go on believing that i guess?  
VRISKA: What? No no no no no no no no!!!!!!!! I’m right, alright???????? I’m right, and you were wrong!  
JOHN: yeah, why not?  
JOHN: i mean what’s the harm in going on believing that?  
JOHN: besides it sounds like you know what you’re doing better than i do so why shouldn’t i take your word for it?  
VRISKA: You know what? Fuck you, John! Why can’t you t8ke this more seriously????????  
VRISKA: 8luh. Forget it. Forget I said anything! It’s stupid.

You hate how smart he is now. It doesn’t suit him.

VRISKA: I don’t know why I’m still so reluctant to admit I have pro8lems.  
VRISKA: May8e this is a special case, 8ecause I’m still not ready to throw in the towel.  
VRISKA: I dou8t I’ll ever 8e! Not while there are still any towels left to throw.  
VRISKA: 8ut it’s hard to accept the fact that all the hardest stuff is over. I achieved everything I had to, and still I’m not sure if I’m as happy as I expected I would 8e.  
JOHN: i think that makes a lot of sense!  
JOHN: because you thought beating lord english would wipe the slate clean of everything you ever did wrong, right?  
VRISKA: That’s the idea.  
JOHN: maybe you’re just interpreting your weird dreams as a sign that you need to fulfill and even HARDER task than that!  
VRISKA: That makes... more sense than I’d like to admit!  
VRISKA: 8ut why my respite8lock, and why the red 8ox?

You reach your bus stop and absentmindedly wander out of the vehicle just behind your mom. On the periphery of your consciousness, you hear her asking if you’re talking to a friend. You shrug and give a grunt of confirmation.

JOHN: i don’t know. that’s kind of a total mystery that maybe doesn’t have a real answer?  
JOHN: maybe you should talk to that therapist of yours about it! i’m sure he would be way more helpful in unpacking it than some washed up loser who kind of floats around all day.  
JOHN: or they actually. i don't know why i automatically expect therapists to be men?

That’s good enough an answer for you. But if John’s right, and you are mentally fucked up, you should probably ask him one more thing.

When you get home, you lift up off the ground and fly onto the roof. Mom asks you what you’re doing, and you vacantly mumble that you’re just going up to watch the sunset. She seems to understand.

VRISKA: Hey John?  
JOHN: yeah?  
VRISKA: If there is a possi8ility, even the smallest possi8ility that I’m struggling to deal with trauma or whatever, I need to know what it’s like for you.  
JOHN: oh! that’s probably a really good idea actually.  
JOHN: i don’t really know what to say?  
JOHN: i mean there’s a ton of obvious stuff like how i’ll stay away from sharp objects a lot, and how i filled my study with pictures of me and dad and stuff, and generally try to force the game as far from my mind as i can manage.  
JOHN: i have more triggers and habits and stuff than that but you get the picture.  
JOHN: and there are a lot of other issues i have that are supposed to be “comorbid” with each other or something.  
JOHN: it turns out i have, like, mega depression for one. which i guess explains why getting out of bed in the morning felt like a chore for almost twenty years.  
JOHN: wow, when i actually type it out, that’s... a really long time.  
VRISKA: That’s longer than I’ve 8een alive.  
JOHN: jesus...  
JOHN: if i’m honest, therapy was kind of a miracle for me. a real miracle, too, not gamzee’s dumb bullshit miracles that are fake.  
JOHN: but the truth is i went so long without dealing with it i’m kind of scared that i’m never going to feel normal again. because after all this time it’s just become so deeply ingrained in who i am?  
JOHN: not to mention that it feels like mental illness just ate away at what everyone says are supposed to be the best years of my life.  
JOHN: even though i’m gonna live forever, i still feel like i’m never going to get that time back.  
JOHN: don’t make my mistake. make the most of the therapy you’re getting.  
VRISKA: I know I should, 8ut to tell you the truth the idea of someone helping me unpack all my issues and slapping la8els on all of them - some8ody I’ve never even met 8efore! - is pretty daunting!  
JOHN: i can understand that. but you’ve faced way scarier stuff than this, remember?  
VRISKA: Yeah.

You watch as the sun dips below the horizon, only the pinks and oranges and yellows it throws onto the clouds lighting up the sky. You can’t help but feel its resemblance to your aspect’s symbol is fitting, because it feels as if the adventurous, vicious version of yourself who earned that hoodie doesn’t need to exist anymore. Really, your visions - no, nightmares, you correct yourself - were just a convenient excuse for you not to accept the fact that her time had come.  
Goodbye, Thief of Light, thinks Vriska Harley.

VRISKA: I sure have, huh.

That night, you have trouble sleeping. It’s not that the bed isn’t comfortable, or that the room is too stuffy, or anything like that - it’s that, well...

You don’t remember the double bed ever feeling this lonely before.

A few days ago, you moved the record player up to your room for a reason you can’t remember. Now, you’re kind of thankful you did. You put on the penultimate track of that haunted album, wrapped in amber and crimson, and you feel a moment of peace. You close your eyes, and feel yourself descend into the comfortable embrace of sleep. And when you sleep, when your only connection to the waking world an ebbing and flowing of bright, spacious synthesizers, you dream a dream of sweeps gone by. A dream of waves rolling in and out against the bow of a ship, upon which an unbreakable sisterhood was formed. A dream of a friendly stranger draped in teal and red, and a corsair, dressed in black and blue.  
And as you finally drift off, your fingers aimlessly trace the features of a girl who isn’t there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, just wanted to say oh my gosh thank you all for the support thus far, and I'm so glad my writing has resonated with so many of you ;u;
> 
> The next chapter's gonna take longer than this one, because of my end of semester exams. Hopefully, though, it'll be worth the wait!
> 
> If you wanna see more stuff I do and say, though, follow me on twitter, I guess? https://twitter.com/power464646
> 
> Happy Cascade Day!
> 
> \- Grace Caroline "power46" Medley


	6. Night 3: APOSTASY

Your name is ARTEMI SERKET, you forcefully remind yourself as dusk nibbles away at the last of the day's sunlight and ushers it urgently over the horizon. You slump out of your recuperacoon, your hair both getting in your face and blinding you into an uncoordinated stumble, and cushioning the subsequent fall.

Damn. So this is how long hair’s gonna be, huh? Whatever. So fucking worth it.

You quickly towel yourself dry, get dressed, make yourself breakfast, find yourself a clean plate, and rush over to your computer. Your first instinct at this point is to start your night by talking to Terezi.

AG: Heyyyyyyyy, Terezi! Are you aw8ke yet?  
GC: WOW SOM3ON3S R3M4RK4BLY UPB34T G1V3N TH31R R3C3NT C1RCUMST4NC3S  
GC: NOT TH4T 1 C4N BL4M3 YOU OBV1OUSLY  
GC: TH3 TWO OF US 4R3 GONN4 M4K3 4 F4R B3TT3R T34M TH4N 4NY MOB OF OV3RZ34LOUS W33N13S YOUV3 H4D TH3 D1SPL34SUR3 OF P4RT1C1P4T1NG 1N SO F4R  
AG: Oh, totally.  
AG: Honestly, I’m really excited a8out all this!  
AG: You’re like, the coolest person I know!  
GC: H3H3H3 TH4NK YOU  
GC: 1M H4PPY TO H34R TH4T 1M 4T L34ST GOOD 3NOUGH TO B3 TH3 S3COND COOL3ST P3RSON 1N TH1S T34M  
AG: 8888O  
GC: SP34K1NG OF WH1CH  
GC: DO W3 H4V3 4 N4M3  
AG: I don’t know.  
AG: I was kinda thinking Team Scourge? Just as a placeholder until I think of something 8etter, so don’t get too attached.  
AG: As you could pro8a8ly guess, I’m putting way more stock into thinking a8out my own name right now!  
GC: HON3STLY 1 TH1NK 4RT3M1 SU1TS YOU  
GC: 1 4GR33 4BOUT T34M SCOURG3 THOUGH  
GC: W3 N33D SOM3TH1NG W4Y B3TT3R TH4N TH4T 1F 31TH3R OF US 4R3 PL4NN1NG ON T4K1NG OURS3LV3S 3V3N TH3 T1N13ST B1T S3R1OUSLY  
GC: R34LLY HOW H34VY H4ND3D C4N YOU G3T  
AG: You’re right. I’ll think of something.  
AG: Team name aside, you don’t think Artemi is too,  
AG: What’s the word.  
GC: >:?  
AG: I don’t know, upper class?  
AG: May8e even off-puttingly so!  
AG: I want something that sounds no8le, 8ut hum8le too.  
AG: Something a little rough-and tum8le, 8ut also kinda cute!  
GC: YOU M34N L1K3 4 F3R4L ROD3NT  
AG: What?  
AG: No. What?  
GC: 1 M34N 1 C4N K1ND4 S33 1T  
GC: YOU 4LR34DY 34T FOOD SCR4PS 4ND H1SS 4T P3OPL3 YOU DONT L1KE  
AG: Um.  
AG: Sure?  
GC: 4ND 1 DONT TOT4LLY 4GR33 W1TH YOU WORRY1NG 4BOUT YOUR N4M3 B31NG TOO F4NCY OR WH4T3V3R  
GC: M4YB3 YOU JUST N33D T1M3 TO G3T US3D TO 1T  
AG: You’re right! It is a pretty nice sounding name, and I really just need to give it a chance!  
AG: Chance is my forte, after all. :::;)  
GC: WOW  
GC: 1TS G3NU1N3LY HUMBL1NG TH4T 3V3N THOUGH YOUR3 SUP3R COOL NOW YOU ST1LL S4Y SOM3 OF TH3 L4M3ST TH1NGS 1V3 3V3R H34RD  
AG: Hey!!!!!!!!  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4  
GC: YOUR3 SO CUT3 WH3N YOUR3 FLUST3R3D  
GC: H3LLO?  
GC: 4R3 YOU ST1LL TH3R3  
GC: LOST FOR WORDS HUH >:]  
AG: Well, no8ody’s ever called me “cute” 8efore.  
AG: I’m not exactly sure how to respond!  
AG: I think the fact that I can’t quite figure it out is what I like a8out you, honestly. You’re kind of a wild card!  
GC: 1M HONOR3D TH4T 3V3N M4D4M3 S3RK3T H3RS3LF F1NDS M3 1NTR1GU1NG  
AG: You mean mademoiselle.  
GC: 1 D1DNT KNOW TH3R3 W4S 4 D1FF3R3NC3  
AG: There is, 8ut it doesn’t matter!  
AG: In fact, forget a8out it. 8esides, we 8oth know we have more important things to 8e doing than aggrandizing each other all night!  
AG: In fact, didn’t we agree we’d 8e practicing tonight????????  
GC: 4CTU4LLY YOU JUST S41D W3 W3R3 GO1NG TO 4ND 1 N3V3R R3PL13D TO TH4T  
GC: BUT Y34H 1M NOT GO1NG TO OBJ3CT  
GC: W3 M1GHT 4S W3LL F1GUR3 OUT OUR N3W T34M DYN4M1C  
GC: F1GUR3 OUT WH1CH ON3 OF US 1S TH3 STRONG ON3 WH1CH ON3 OF US 1S TH3 SMART ON3 WH1CH ON3 OF US 1S TH3 PR3TTY ON3 4ND STUFF L1K3 TH4T  
GC: 4LTHOUGH  
GC: 1 H4V3 MY TH3OR13S 4LR34DY  
GC: >:]  
AG: Do you now?  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
AG: Stop that.  
GC: >:[  
AG: I’m gonna head over there anyway. Let me just feed my lusus first.  
GC: OH WH4TS YOUR LUSUS  
GC: 1M JUST P1CTUR1NG 4 CUT3 L1TTL3 T4R4NTUL4 YOU N33D TO K33P 1N 4 T3RR4R1UM  
AG: Ummmmmmm!  
AG: Close enough!

Before she can ask you to elaborate on that, you log off. You hope she’ll forget by the time you get to your SUPER COOL TOP SEKRET RENDEZVOUS POINT, but you doubt it. When it comes to remembering things, she is simply the best there is.

You scamper down the stairs, and much to your frustration, She’s calling you. She’s nagging you, telling you that She’s hungry, as fucking always.

[ARTEMI]: Alright, alriiiiiiiight! I’m COMING!!!!!!!!  
[ARTEMI]: Ugh! Give me a 8R8K!

You march to the hunger trunk - although calling it more of a tomb now wouldn’t be entirely wrong - and pull out two bodies. One under either arm. You can do this in just two trips.

[SPIDERMOM]: Oh, no, no. This won’t do. This won’t do at all.  
[CARIUS]: What won’t-  
[CARIUS]: Oh, come on!!!!!!!! Seriously?  
[SPIDERMOM]: While addressing me, I’d like you to develop at least a mote of maturity and put away your make-believe games.

You strut out onto Her catwalk and toss Her the first two courses of Her meal.

ARTEMI: Oh, *I’m* the imm8ture one? Sure, I’m shovelling food into your toothy, slo88ering maw like you’re a fucking wiggler, 8ut it’s *me* who’s 8eing imm8ture.  
ARTEMI: Nyoooooooom! Here comes the two-winged avi8tion vehicle! Open wide!

She raises a foreleg to strike you down. You roll your eyes and sneer before She can accompany it with its respective verbal threat.

ARTEMI: Alright, alright, I’m sorry or whatever. I’ll 8e right 8ack with the other two.  
SPIDERMOM: See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?

You trudge back to the hunger trunk and draw another two corpses.

[SPIDERMOM]: I’m glad you can still follow basic routine. You know, much like any normal person should be capable of doing?  
[CARIUS]: And I’m glad your unnecessary commentary keeps happening, while I lug you the very things you need to stay alive, you ungr8ful-  
[SPIDERMOM]: Think very carefully about what you say next.  
[CARIUS]: ...  
[SPIDERMOM]: You’ve developed quite an arrogant persona as of late. I pray this phase passes quickly.

You throw Her those stupid fucking corpses. She snatches them up in those jaws of Hers and nods in satisfaction, but you don’t watch. After all this time, you can still hardly bear to. You leave with neither another word nor another thought.

⁂

ARTEMI: Ugh! My lusus is honestly such a 8itch.  
TEREZI: OH 1 W4S B3G1NN1NG TO TH1NK YOU W3R3NT GO1NG TO SHOW UP  
TEREZI: D1D SH3 HOLD YOU B4CK OR SOM3TH1NG  
ARTEMI: Yeah, it’s total 8ullshit.  
ARTEMI: I swear, She’s like a fucking parasite! She won’t leave me alone for two damn seconds!  
ARTEMI: She can 8e a real meddler sometimes, you know?  
TEREZI: 4 M3DDL3-OM4N14C?  
ARTEMI: A what?  
TEREZI: NOTH1NG DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T >:/  
TEREZI: HOW DO3S SH3 F33L 4BOUT YOUR G3ND3R  
TEREZI: NOT TH4T H3R OP1N1ON M4TT3RS OBV1OUSLY  
TEREZI: 1M JUST TRY1NG TO F1GUR3 OUT HOW 4WFUL SH3 1S

You didn’t realize how much you needed to hear somebody say Her opinion doesn’t matter. Not that you have any intention of showing that, though.

ARTEMI: Oh, you know. Not gr8.  
ARTEMI: She’s really stuck in the past in a lot of ways.  
ARTEMI: You know, the “8ack when men were REAL men, and women were REAL women”, and that kind of lame old shit.  
ARTEMI: As if I'm not already going on old-timey, swash8uckling adventures every chance I get!  
ARTEMI: Geez!  
TEREZI: G33Z!  
ARTEMI: Geeeeeeeez!

She giggles and takes a seat on a low-hanging branch of a nearby tree. You weren't expecting her "secret hideout" to be the forest that she lives in. Hell, you can see her hive up on the hill from here!  
She pats a bit of the branch next to her. You take her up on the invitation, and for a while, neither of you speak. Then, you finally pipe up again.

ARTEMI: I don't mind that She thinks of me like that, 8ut,  
ARTEMI: It kinda sucks that no8ody else really, like, gave me a chance a8out it.  
TEREZI: Y34H >:[  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: FOR WH4T 1TS WORTH THOUGH  
TEREZI: 1 DONT CONS1D3R 1T 1MMOR4L OR OBJ3CT1ON4BL3 OR 4NYTH1NG  
TEREZI: 1F YOUR3 TR4NS TH3N 1 GU3SS YOUR3 TR4NS WH1CH 1 M34N Y34H 1TS D3FY1NG YOUR H4TCHR1GHT WH1CH 1S M4JORLY 1LL3G4L BUT 1N TH3 COOL W4Y  
TEREZI: B3S1D3S 1 D3F1N1T3LY SHOULDNT H4V3 4NY R1GHT TO JUDG3 YOU FOR SOM3TH1NG TH1S S3R1OUS  
TEREZI: 4FT3R 4LL WH3N YOUR B4CK W4S TURN3D JUST NOW 1 4T3 4 BUG B3C4US3 1T LOOK3D W31RD

God, she is so cool.

TEREZI: 1T T4ST3D PR3TTY B4D 4CTU4LLY  
TEREZI: DONT 34T R4NDOM BUGS YOU S33 CR4WL1NG 4ROUND  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: UNL3SS YOU KNOW TH3YR3 GO1NG TO T4ST3 GOOD 1 GU3SS 1N WH1CH C4S3 GO 4LL OUT ON THOS3 T1NY L1TTL3 TH1NGS  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: SO WH4T 1S YOUR LUS-  
ARTEMI: I DON'T W8NT TO T8LK A8OUT IT!  
TEREZI: OH  
TEREZI: SORRY  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: H3Y  
TEREZI: DO YOU TH1NK W3 SHOULD F1GHT  
ARTEMI: Huh????????  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW  
TEREZI: TO T3ST OUR SK1LL L3V3LS 4G41NST 34CH OTH3R  
ARTEMI: Oh, uh! Oh! Sure!

You stand to attention, dice at the ready. She does the same, but she’s not holding her blade. You wonder what trick she has up her sleeve. If you’re honest, it makes you kind of nervous.

TEREZI: WH3N3V3R YOUR3 R34DY

Oh, okay. Sure. You roll the octet. They bounce as they roll, ever so slightly, and you watch eagerly as they spell out their final verdict one by one. Before the last die comes to a standstill, Terezi grabs you by the arm with both hands, and throws you over her shoulder. You land flat on your back.

TEREZI: P3RSON4LLY 1 TH1NK TH4TS PR3TTY D3C1S1V3

You suck in air through your teeth. She tosses your dice back to you. You’re too winded to thank her. You stuff your dice back in your strife deck, and let her hoist you back to your feet.

ARTEMI: I think... that’s enough... practice... for tonight.  
TEREZI: TH4TS F41R  
TEREZI: DO YOU W4NN4 JUST CH1LL OUT OR SOM3TH1NG  
ARTEMI: Suddenly I don’t feel too capa8le of anything else.  
TEREZI: OOPS  
TEREZI: SORRY  
ARTEMI: Nah, don’t worry a8out it. I’m a pretty dura8le guy, you know.  
ARTEMI: Shit! Fuck. I mean girl.  
ARTEMI: I’m getting that wrong with alarming frequency.  
ARTEMI: Am I, like,  
CARIUS: Faking it?  
CARIUS: I expected all this stuff to come naturally to me, 8ut... it isn't.  
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW  
TEREZI: YOU S33M L1K3 4 PR3TTY R34L G1RL 1N MY 3XP3RT OP1N1ON  
ARTEMI: “Expert opinion”?  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW  
TEREZI: 4S 4 G1RL  
ARTEMI: Okay, fair point.  
ARTEMI: I guess I’m just not used to it, even though it’s 8een weeks!  
ARTEMI: And this name still isn’t sitting right with me.  
ARTEMI: May8e 8ecause it’s alliter8ing with my middle name so much, I don’t know.  
TEREZI: WH4TS 4 M1DDL3 N4M3  
ARTEMI: It’s a name that goes 8etween your first and last names.  
TEREZI: WH4T  
ARTEMI: I know! Pretty crazy, right?  
ARTEMI: My middle name is Aranea, 8y the way. It’s a tri8ute to my ancestor!  
TEREZI: WHO4  
TEREZI: 4NC3STORS 4R3 R34L  
ARTEMI: Fuck yeah, ancestors are real!  
ARTEMI: In fact, your ancestor is one of the coolest of the whole 8unch!  
TEREZI: >:O  
TEREZI: WHO 1S 1T

You pull an eight-ball from your sylladex, smash it on the ground, and retrieve Mindfang’s journal from the shrapnel.

ARTEMI: Her name’s Neophyte Redglare. First name’s a little unclear, 8ut her last name’s Pyrope, just like you.  
ARTEMI: Here, look at this.

You turn to page 173. That’s the page where she first appears, not that you were particularly keeping track or anything. It’s not like you’re, like, obsessed with Terezi.

ARTEMI: Here, read some of this.  
TEREZI: H4H4 WOW TH1S 1S SO COOL  
TEREZI: WOW TH4TS  
TEREZI: 4 LOT OF WORDS >:/  
TEREZI: WH4TS 4 “BUXOM CL3FT”

You snap the journal shut. Your cheeks are a brilliant peacock blue right now.

ARTEMI: It’s pro8a8ly not important!

She looks back and forth between you and the book in confusion. Thankfully, she seems to fall just short of reaching the words that express her confusion.

TEREZI: SHOULD W3 T4LK 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG 3LS3  
TEREZI: WH4T W3R3 W3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT B3FOR3  
ARTEMI: My name.

Hastily, you cram the tome back in your sylladex.

ARTEMI: I’m not exactly sure this one’s quite working out, so I was trying to panstorm some other ones.  
TEREZI: OOH  
TEREZI: 4NY 1D34S SO F4R  
ARTEMI: A lot, actually, 8ut I’m not confident they’re really gonna fit.  
TEREZI: 1TS WORTH TRY1NG TH3M THOUGH R1GHT?  
ARTEMI: Sure, I guess.  
ARTEMI: Next on the list is Schyto.  
TEREZI: HMMM  
TEREZI: DO YOU W4NT M3 TO H3LP YOU TRY 1T OUT  
ARTEMI: Uh...  
ARTEMI: Hm.  
SCHYTO: I guess so.

⁂

Your name is SCHYTO SERKET, you think to yourself in the following nights. You and Terezi are back in the game after your exile from your old team, and her following departure from hers in protest of your treatment, and now you fly the collective banner of Team Scourge.  
Tonight marks the first game you’re playing as a duo, and what can you say? You’re more excited than you could ever put into words! To think, just the two of you are gonna be taking on entire teams far bigger than two people head-on, and fuck if you’re gonna lose.

SCHYTO: Status report.

You mutter the command under your breath, and glance at Terezi. She didn’t seem to hear.

SCHYTO: Status report.  
TEREZI: Y34H 1 H34RD YOU TH3 F1RST T1M3  
TEREZI: WH4T 1S 1T  
SCHYTO: No, you’re supposed to 8e giving it to me!  
TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: WHY WOULD 1 DO TH4T  
TEREZI: 4R3NT 1 TH3 T34M C4PT41N  
SCHYTO: Um, no?  
SCHYTO: I’m the team captain. We went over this!  
TEREZI: OH  
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 JOK1NG  
SCHYTO: Seriously????????

This team is a mess. But you still have two minutes before the game starts, so you have time enough to get your act together.

SCHYTO: Okay, let’s make me team captain. Alright?  
SCHYTO: After all, I am the strategic mastermind of our duo!  
TEREZI: H4H4H4 SUR3  
SCHYTO: Hey, what’s so funny???????? I am!  
TEREZI: Y34H 4ND 1 S41D SUR3  
TEREZI: YOUR3 TH3 C4PT41N  
SCHYTO: Ugh, why do you h8ve to 8e so p8ssive aggressive a8out this!  
SCHYTO: If you wanna 8e the capt8in so 8ad why don’t you just s8y it!!!!!!!!  
TEREZI: SCHYTO PL34S3 JUST L34D TH3 T34M 4LR34DY

Alright, fine. Good enough for you. After all, you are higher on the hemospectrum than she is.  
Not that it matters, though. You know she could kick your ass if she were so inclined.

A bell rings out through the canyon, signalling the beginning of the game. You break into a sprint, and Terezi follows you, quickly catching up and even outpacing you. Some subordinate she is!

TEREZI: RUN M3 THROUGH TH3 PL4N ON3 MOR3 T1M3  
SCHYTO: I don’t think we have time anymore. Why do you need me to explain it *again*?  
TEREZI: 1 W4SNT L1ST3N1NG TH3 F1RST FOUR T1M3S  
SCHYTO: What????????  
TEREZI: NO OFF3NS3 BUT 1T W4S K1ND4 BOR1NG  
TEREZI: 3N3MY T34M COM1NG UP ON YOUR R1GHT

Before you can yell at her to pay more attention, a quartet of lowbloods from the opposing team tackle you and pin you to the ground. You wrest control of one bronzeblooded oaf’s mind and get him to stumble a little, his weight forcing the other three off of you. Terezi manages to wrestle him off, too, and with jaw-dropping ease. You jump to your feet and roll the fluorite octet.

BIRDCAGE OF THE RENEGADE

Your four assailants are sealed within a bright brass cage, barely large enough to hold them. They rattle the bars and shout at you and they demand to be let out, but their pleas fall on deaf ears. You laugh at them and spit in their faces.

TEREZI: TH4TS UNN3C3SS4R1LY CRU3L  
SCHYTO: Eh. Could 8e worse.

Your partner double-takes at you as if you’ve grown a second head.

SCHYTO: Could 8e my life, for starters!  
TEREZI: UMMM  
TEREZI: SUR3  
TEREZI: BUT M4YB3 W3 SHOULD-  
SCHYTO: C’mon, let’s start running 8efore they 8r8k out of there!!!!!!!!

She seems unsure, but that’s not your problem. You grab her by the wrist and start running.

SCHYTO: Okay, so the current plan is this: we make it to the opposite side of the canyon, and we’ll have passed every conceiva8le point they could 8e situ8ted.  
SCHYTO: We draw them out, one 8y one - or in as small groups as possi8le anyway - and get to the other side of the canyon.  
SCHYTO: This is their territory, which means they’re going to have us playing off against them at their most advantageous.  
SCHYTO: Are you with me so far?  
TEREZI: NOT BY CHO1C3  
SCHYTO: So we get to where they’re camping, we seize the vantage point for ourselves, and we win!  
TEREZI: TH4T M4K3S 4 LOT OF S3NS3  
TEREZI: BUT L3TS JUST S4Y HYPOTH3T1C4LLY SP34K1NG TH3Y 4LL 4B4NDON3D TH31R POSTS 4ND SURROUND3D US 4S ON3 B1G GROUP  
TEREZI: WH4TS TH3 PL4N FOR TH4T  
SCHYTO: I hadn’t really considered that possi8ility that much, actually. I dou8t they’d all 8e foolhardy enough to adopt an irresponsi8le little plan like that, don’t you agree?  
TEREZI: NOT R34LLY  
TEREZI: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD JUST P4Y B3TT3R 4TT3NT1ON N3XT T1M3

You stop running long enough to look around you at the shadows flickering across the gaps between the stones and the boulders which line the ravine and realize the enemy team all abandoned their posts and surrounded you as one big group.

SCHYTO: Alright, change of plans. Tonight’s session should 8e a pretty short one, huh????????  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW  
TEREZI: W3 C4N CONC3D3 WH3N3V3R YOU W4NT  
SCHYTO: Why would we do that, though?

You grin at Terezi. She looks you up and down for a second and grins back.

TEREZI: YOUR3 R1GHT  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT 3X4CTLY L1K3 W3R3 GO1NG TO LOS3 OR 4NYTH1NG

The two of you stand back to back, without even the slightest semblance of a weak point on display. You splay your fingers, with a die between every two adjacent digits on either hand. Terezi draws her two blades and holds them at waist level.

TEREZI: SCHYTO S4Y SOM3TH1NG COOL  
SCHYTO: I, um!  
SCHYTO: I’ve got nothing. Sorry!  
TEREZI: 1TS OK YOU TR13D YOUR B3ST  
TEREZI: 4S FOR 4LL YOU LOS3RS  
TEREZI: COM3 4T US W1TH YOUR B3ST SHOTS

⁂

The two of you take a seat atop the pile of two dozen or so unconscious trolls and watch the stars together. 

TEREZI: W3LL TH4T W4S 34SY  
SCHYTO: Depressingly easy.  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: Y34H >:[  
SCHYTO: I told you we were too good at this game.  
SCHYTO: I guess we could look for higher st8kes stuff, 8ut I’ve got a lot of mixed feelings a8out that idea.  
SCHYTO: 8esides, that’s gonna take waaaaaaaay more dedic8tion than I have the resources to devote to a fucking ho88y anytime soon.  
TEREZI: TH4TS 4 SH4M3

Silently, you pocket a small hatchet belonging to one of your assailants. What’s she gonna do about it? She’s out cold.

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1TS K1ND4 L1K3 YOUR N4M3 THOUGH HUH  
SCHYTO: What do you mean?  
TEREZI: L1K3 YOU S41D  
TEREZI: YOUR3 TRY1NG TO B4L4NC3 YOUR CUT3N3SS W1TH YOUR AGGR3SS1V3N3SS  
TEREZI: 4ND YOU C4NT D3C1D3 ON WH3TH3R OR NOT TO K33P PL4Y1NG TH3S3 C4SU4L L1TTL3 G4M3S OR MOV3 ON TO B1GG3R 4ND B3TT3R TH1NGS  
SCHYTO: Wow, I guess you’re right.  
TEREZI: SP34K1NG OF N4M3S  
TEREZI: HOWS SCHYTO HOLD1NG UP  
SCHYTO: Good question!  
SCHYTO: I’m not sure? For starters I don’t think it has enough of an edge to 8egin with.  
SCHYTO: 8ut also, I’m not sure I want something gender-neutral anyway.  
TEREZI: WH4TS WRONG W1TH G3ND3R N3UTR4L N4M3S >:[  
SCHYTO: Ugh, I don’t want to give people any more of a reason to mist8ke me for a 8oy than they already have.  
SCHYTO: I don’t know if you heard, 8ut during that fight, a lot of these guys-  
SCHYTO: W8. Shit, is Terezi a gender neutral name?  
TEREZI: >:/  
SCHYTO: Wow. News to me.  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW 4 “SORRY” WOULD B3 4PPR3C14T3D  
SCHYTO: What?  
SCHYTO: Oh, right. Sorry.  
SCHYTO: Anyway, it’s not like I h8 this name. I’m just, like, a little unsure a8out it. It’s not exactly what I want, you know?  
SCHYTO: At least, I don’t think so.  
SCHYTO: Yet.  
SCHYTO: Gotta say, though, it 8eats “Carius” 8y a landslide!  
TEREZI: DO YOU TH1NK YOU COULD GO YOUR WHOL3 L1F3 B31NG SCHYTO S3RK3T  
SCHYTO: That’s the question, huh.  
SCHYTO: I think I should try it out a little longer. If that doesn’t work out, I wanna try Chelat next.  
TEREZI: HMMMMM  
TEREZI: YOUR3 PUTT1NG 4 LOT OF THOUGHT 1NTO TH1S  
TEREZI: 1TS 1MPR3SS1V3  
SCHYTO: Awwwwwwww, thanks!  
SCHYTO: Oh, shit! I just remem8ered there was something really import8nt I was supposed to do tonight!

You jump off the pile. You think you hear an “oof” underneath you.

SCHYTO: You mind telling these guys I said thanks for the game when they come to?  
TEREZI: WH  
TEREZI: UM  
TEREZI: SUR3?  
SCHYTO: Awesome! You’re the 8est!

You scamper off as fast as your little legs can carry you. You’ve got a loose end to wrap up, something you’re sure is going to put your mind at a lot of ease.

She’s easy enough to find, of course, and she’s alone and unarmed. You corner her in a back alley on the outskirts of her hometown, and draw that hatchet. She snarls defensively.

!!!!!!: what the heLL do youou want

You don't need to answer that. At least, not verbally.

⁂

SPIDERMOM: Tell me, Carius. Is it just me, or are you beginning to learn your lesson?  
SPIDERMOM: You didn’t seem all that torn up over this particular meal.  
SPIDERMOM: It’s alright, I’ve stopped chewing. You can look at me again now.  
SPIDERMOM: Coward.  
SCHYTO: It’s a long story.  
SCHYTO: We never really got along that well.  
SCHYTO: I used to think that we could have 8een friends, 8ut...  
SPIDERMOM: How terribly stupid of you.  
SCHYTO: Yeah.  
SCHYTO: Yeah, I guess it was.  
SCHYTO: Lesson learned, I suppose. Even if I did have to learn it the hard way.

She chuckles, and runs a single claw through your hair.

SPIDERMOM: Good on you, I say.  
SPIDERMOM: In fact, I’d almost say I was proud of you, but for the fact that you’re a complete and utter failure in most other ways.  
SCHYTO: Gee, fucking thanks.  
SPIDERMOM: No, no, no! Don’t think of it like that!  
SPIDERMOM: I’m actually impressed someone as horribly flawed as you can still find it within himself to improve like this!  
SPIDERMOM: Your determination is almost admirable, in fact.  
SPIDERMOM: Or perhaps vehemence would be a better word...?  
SPIDERMOM: Damned if I know.  
SPIDERMOM: Dismissed.

As you wander up to your respiteblock, it occurs to you that you’d never even learned that girl’s name. What’s more, you don’t even have any strong feelings about this particular fact at all. You’re not sure which you should be more concerned about.

You open Mindfang’s journal to page 836 again, and look at that empty portrait at the bottom. You’re very seriously considering filling it in, but you’re not exactly sure what name you’d put in there.

AG: I’ve 8een thinking a8out it.  
GC: 4BOUT WH4T  
GC: 4R3 W3 JUST GO1NG TO ST4RT CONV3RS4T1ONS FROM TH3 M1DDL3 NOW  
AG: Hey, let me finish.  
GC: 1D R4TH3R L3T YOU ST4RT  
AG: I’ve 8een thinking a8out my femininity, and I’ve decided that I want to lean into it a little more.  
AG: Life just feels so dull now, and I don’t feel like I’m gonna get anything done just w8ding through the same monotonous doldrums night after night after night!  
AG: So, I’m gonna stop “playing it safe”, or whatever.  
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 4NYON3 W4S 3V3R 4CCUS1NG YOU OF DO1NG TH4T  
AG: I’m gonna dress up as my character, and learn how to properly apply m8keup, and stop going 8y such an androgynous name!  
AG: Most of all, I’m planning on going for the 8ig leagues.  
GC: THE B1G L34GU3S?  
AG: The 8ig leagues!!!!!!!!  
GC: 4LR1GHT BLUH 1LL B1T3  
GC: WH4T 4R3 TH3 B1G L34GU3S?  
AG: I’m glad you asked!!!!!!!!  
GC: I C4N T3LL  
AG: I’m going to find us a 8oat, and then you and I can ditch these stupid low8lood zero-st8kes snoozefests and actually have it MEAN something when we kick some ass!  
GC: WOW  
GC: YOUV3 B33N TH1NK1NG 4BOUT TH1S 4 LOT  
GC: 4ND WH4T H4PP3NS 1F W3 LOS3  
AG: “If we lose”???????? Hahahahahahahaha! You’re a real riot, Terezi. You know that? I actually laughed out loud just now!  
GC: 1 KNOW  
GC: S33 Y4 ROUND TH3N 1 GU3SS  
GC: CH3L4T >;]

⁂

Your name is CHELAT SERKET, and you don’t know why you feel the things you do sometimes. Tonight’s a big night, you think to yourself. Buying a boat is no small feat, and you’re a busy woman these nights anyway. You’re not the kind of person who has time to get distracted or sidetracked.

So why are you back here?

It’s not like this meteorite has any sentimental value to you anymore. No, now it’s been ruined irredeemably. Fuck this meteorite and all the memories that come with it, you think to yourself as you strike it with the inner side of your right shoe. Stop wistfully reminiscing on a past you don’t even want back! Aradia and Tavros and all the others, they all hated the real you. They couldn’t stand her. Why the fuck did you think you would EVER be friends with ANY-

ARADIA: ca-  
ARADIA: i mean!  
ARADIA: artemi?  
ARADIA: what are y0u d0ing here

What? Wait. What????????

CHELAT: I could ask the same question.  
CHELAT: ........  
CHELAT: Well?  
CHELAT: If you have any particularly scathing insults or o8scure slurs I haven’t heard yet, now’s as good a time as any to start slinging them my way!  
ARADIA: 0h  
ARADIA: i never g0t the chance t0 say s0rry did i  
ARADIA: it was wr0ng 0f me t0 treat y0u the way i did  
CHELAT: Sure was!  
ARADIA: really y0u deserved a l0t better  
CHELAT: Mhm.  
ARADIA: s0 im s0rry everyb0dy treated y0u that way  
CHELAT: Good.  
ARADIA: artemi please im trying t0 say s0rry here  
CHELAT: And what do you want me to say? “That’s okay”???????? What m8kes you think any part of the way you treated me is okay?  
ARADIA: y0ure right  
ARADIA: my bad  
ARADIA: im n0t really sure what else t0 say th0ugh  
ARADIA: 0r even if i sh0uld say anything  
ARADIA: ...  
ARADIA: w0uld it be 0k if i explained myself?  
CHELAT: Sure.  
CHELAT: Not exactly like I have anything 8etter to do, I guess.

You’re not sure if she picks up on your sarcasm.

ARADIA: alright  
ARADIA: i guess the thing is that i was s0 afraid the 0ld friend i made right by this mete0rite alm0st a sweep ag0 was just  
ARADIA: g0ne

She beams at you. You’d almost forgotten what her smile looked like.

ARADIA: but n0w i think im starting t0 get it  
ARADIA: i think i was s0 accust0med t0 the way that y0u used t0 be that i just th0ught the way y0u were changing was g0ing t0 und0 the wh0le friendship we had built up  
ARADIA: which is why i th0ught y0u were breaking 0ur pr0mise  
ARADIA: i had never heard 0f b0ys wh0 bec0me girls bef0re s0 i didnt kn0w what t0 think!  
ARADIA: but even th0ugh y0u l00k different and g0 by a different name and prefer t0 be treated like a girl its still y0u  
CHELAT: What?  
CHELAT: No! That’s not right at all!  
CHELAT: You don’t get it, do you?  
ARADIA: pr0bably n0t  
CHELAT: First off, I don’t “prefer t0 be treated like a girl”. I’m not a fucking “b0y wh0 became a girl”, or any 8ullshit like that. I am a girl, and that’s final! Okay????????  
ARADIA: 0h  
ARADIA: well ill admit that i d0nt really kn0w where t0 l00k f0r inf0rmati0n ab0ut what y0ure g0ing thr-  
CHELAT: Ughhhhhhhh!  
CHELAT: Can it, alright???????? I’m not done yet!  
CHELAT: Second off, it’s still me? Really?  
CHELAT: Were you not listening to that whole rousing speech I gave a8out 8ecoming a whole different person????????  
CHELAT: You think I’m still that same weak little quiet-n8tured sycophantic 8oy you had to coddle all the time?  
CHELAT: You think anything you could ever do or say can possi8ly 8ring him 8ack, ever???????? Well I’ve got some fucking news for you, Aradia!

You grab her by the collar of her shirt and scream in her face.

CHELAT: CARIUS  
CHELAT: SERKET  
CHELAT: IS  
CHELAT: FUCKING  
CHELAT: DEAD!!!!!!!!

You let go of her, and she stumbles backward. She trips over a rock and falls on her back.

CHELAT: What’s it going to take for you to get that through your head, huh?

She stands up and dusts herself off. Despite looking a little shaken, her smile’s barely faded at all. Seriously, what’s her deal!?

ARADIA: well then  
ARADIA: in that case  
ARADIA: i have t0 admit im a little excited t0 meet the new y0u  
ARADIA: fr0m what i hear y0u have y0ur 0wn team n0w?  
CHELAT: ........?  
CHELAT: Yeah. We’re calling ourselves Team Scourge until we think of something 8etter.  
CHELAT: Say, are you alright? Like, normally you don’t just take what people assert to you without agonizing over every little detail and stuff.  
ARADIA: i kn0w i kn0w  
ARADIA: i must seem pretty different right?  
CHELAT: If you want something from me just say so, and then go fuck yourself vigorously with pages torn from your stupid rule8ook or something.  
ARADIA: n0 its n0t that!

She looks around, as if anybody could be watching you two out here in the middle of nowhere.

ARADIA: but between y0u and me im beginning t0 suspect my pedantic d0ting was turning a l0t 0f pe0ple 0ff the game!  
ARADIA: it l00ks like interest in team charge is starting t0 wane a little  
ARADIA: a few 0f 0ur members have started retiring with0ut warning and when i ask them ab0ut it they d0nt reply t0 my messages

Oh. Oh shit. Oh shit, you really should have expected something like this to happen. But it’s not like you can help it, right? You know that no matter what you do or say, nothing’s going to change how hungry She is.

ARADIA: s0 i guess what im trying t0 say is  
ARADIA: im learning h0w t0 be m0re 0k ab0ut s0me things  
ARADIA: but thats all besides the p0int really  
ARADIA: that being  
ARADIA: its nice t0 meet y0u as a fell0w team captain artemi 0u0

She extends her hand to shake. This time, you humor her.

CHELAT: Right now, it’s Chelat, actually.  
CHELAT: I’m trying out a whole 8unch of names. None have tooooooootally fit yet, 8ut I’m getting warmer.  
CHELAT: No matter what, though, you can call me Aranea.  
CHELAT: Or Mindfang. :::;)  
ARADIA: haha well then mindfang  
ARADIA: its a pleasure

You both put your hands on your hips. Wow, you... really weren’t expecting this. Alright. Alright, sure.

ARADIA: s0 um  
ARADIA: h0ws y0ur lusus  
CHELAT: Oh, uh,  
CHELAT: You know.  
ARADIA: yeah. 0n0  
CHELAT: How’s... Tavros?  
ARADIA: hes alright  
ARADIA: he kind 0f misses y0u actually  
CHELAT: Oh, really? Tell him I said hi, then.  
ARADIA: sure thing! 0u0  
ARADIA: hell be very pleased t0 hear that

Your phone buzzes. Oh crap, right.

CHELAT: Look, I’d love to stay a while longer and talk, 8ut my teamm8 and I had 8ig plans for tonight!  
ARADIA: 0h if y0u have t0 g0 then by all means g0 right ahead! i w0nt keep y0u  
CHELAT: Alright! See ya around then, I guess! I’ll un8lock you online and...  
CHELAT: Well, if you want, I guess we can mayyyyyyyy8e try 8eing friends again?  
ARADIA: 0o0  
CHELAT: I’m gonna 8e honest, I don’t think things are gonna go 8ack to the way they were 8efore. At least not str8 away.  
CHELAT: 8ut it’s 8etter than nothing, right?  
ARADIA: sure!  
ARADIA: i d0nt really think i deserve a sec0nd chance but-

No, that won’t do. She saw your lusus, she saw what She makes you do, and she still doesn’t hate you. She absolutely deserves a second chance, maybe even a third.  
If she notices the blood vessels on your arms bulge ever so slightly as you tense your shoulders and clench your fists, she doesn’t say anything. At least, not anything you’re not feeding her.

ARADIA: actually f0rget i said anything  
ARADIA: if were g0ing t0 be friends again i w0nt l00k a gift h00fbeast in the t00thy maw

She turns to leave, and waves goodbye. You do the same.

ARADIA: until next time right?  
CHELAT: Until next time!!!!!!!!

You wander just out of sight and flap to yourself a bit. It takes all your energy to keep yourself from giggling with excitement! With all the urgency of an imperial drone opting to gun a lowblood down for suspected jaywalking, you produce your phone and unblock her. You shoot her a friend request too, just for good measure.  
Terezi, in the meantime, has sent you like a million messages. Let’s check out what she has to say, hm?

GC: H3Y CH3L4T  
GC: WH4TS T4K1NG YOU SO LONG  
GC: UGH  
GC: 1TS B33N HOURS NOW 4ND YOU ST1LL 4R3NT 4T TH3 DOCKS S3R1OUSLY WH4T G1V3S  
GC: H3Y 1 G3T YOUR3 BUSY R1GHT NOW 4ND W1TH L1K3 NO W4RN1NG BUT 1M NOT JUST GO1NG TO ST1CK 4ROUND FOR3V3R 4ND W41T FOR YOU TO G3T YOUR WHOL3 L1F3 1N ORD3R OR WH4T3V3R SO WH3N3V3R YOU R34D TH1S JUST KNOW 1 GOT BOR3D 4ND W3NT HOM3  
AG: Oh, sorry! Got sidetracked.  
AG: You know how it is.  
GC: Y34H 1TS F1N3  
GC: 1F YOU H4V3 TOO M4NY 1RONS 1N TH3 F1R3 YOU SHOULD PROB4BLY T3ND TO TH3 HOTT3ST ON3S F1RST  
AG: “Too many irons in the fire”? What the fuck does that mean?  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: 1TS JUST SOM3TH1NG 1 M4D3 UP JUST NOW  
AG: It’s catchy! I’m totally stealing it for l8r use.  
GC: WHY  
GC: 1TS DUMB  
AG: Your face is what’s dum8!  
GC: >:O  
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 TH1NK 1F MY F4C3 W4S DUMB 1T WOULD LOOK MOR3 L1K3 TH1S  
GC: >::::O  
AG: How dare you do this to me, Terezi? Oh, what sinister tricks of the heart have driven you to smite me so?  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: YOU JUST H4V3 4 V3RY SM1T34BL3 3GO  
GC: YOU KNOW L1K3 WH3N YOU S33 4 R34LLY B1G L34F 4ND YOU KNOW YOU H4V3 TO ST3P ON 1T JUST TO H34R TH3 CRUNCH  
AG: Uh,  
AG: No. Should I?  
GC: OH  
GC: TH4TS K1ND OF S4D 4CTU4LLY  
GC: FORG3T 1 S41D 4NYTH1NG  
GC: HOWS CH3L4T BY TH3 W4Y  
AG: Eh.  
AG: I had a really weird convers8tion with Aradia just now. I think we’re friends again?  
AG: Long story short, I feel oddly guilty a8out a lot of things I know I shouldn’t really feel anything a8out!  
AG: And it occurred to me that my name literally has “Cheat” in it, and suddenly I’m not too fond of that!  
GC: OH 1 THOUGHT YOU KN3W TH4T  
AG: Astonishingly enough, I’m not actually aware of everything all the time.  
GC: YOU COULD H4V3 FOOL3D M3 >:O  
GC: SO 4NYW4Y  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT TH3 BO4T  
AG: Yeah, it’s a shame I couldn’t 8e there in time. 8ut next time for sure!  
GC: WH3NS TH4T  
AG: I don’t know. A few weeks at the least, if my 8itch of a lusus has anything to say a8out it.

⁂

Your name is ATRAXI SERKET, and you spend the next few weeks learning that your bitch of a lusus has plenty to say about it. And you think you're ready to totally snap over it.

SPIDERMOM: Don’t tell me you’re still so much as considering associating with seadwellers.  
ATRAXI: I’ll associ8 with whoever I fucking want, alright????????  
ATRAXI: How come you still get to 8oss me around all the time, anyway?  
ATRAXI: Without me, you’d 8e DEAD!  
SPIDERMOM: Likewise.  
ATRAXI: Oh, please. Let’s 8e realistic here! I’d pro8a8ly have 8etter chances with the drones than I would feeding you for the next few sweeps, right?  
SPIDERMOM: Really?  
SPIDERMOM: Well then, why don’t you?  
ATRAXI: ...Sorry, what?  
SPIDERMOM: If you’re so sure you’re better off without me, then why don’t you simply leave?  
ATRAXI: I-  
ATRAXI: Hm.  
[SPIDERMOM]: You weren’t expecting me to call that bluff, were you.  
ATRAXI: Oh, fuck off. Alright? Just 8ecause I’m the only living thing you’ve seen in almost a sweep doesn’t mean you have to keep o8sessing over me like a total loser.  
SPIDERMOM: Of course I’m going to! After all, that’s exactly what you are!  
ATRAXI: That’s not what I-  
ATRAXI: Ugh, forget it.  
[SPIDERMOM]: We both know I’ll do no such thing.  
[CARI-  
[ATRAXI]: Of course, I know you wouldn’t have it any other way.

She sighs. Fuck, have you made Her frustrated?

SPIDERMOM: Why must you have the last word on this?  
SPIDERMOM: If this is a sign of rebellion, I’m afraid I’ll have to extinguish that particular flame before someone gets burned.  
ATRAXI: You know, I don’t know any other troll whose lusus reviles them for literally every little thing they do wrong. What the fuck makes you so special?  
SPIDERMOM: Oh, please. Isn’t it dreadfully apparent that all the other trolls you associate with weren’t raised as scrupulously as they ought to have been?  
SPIDERMOM: You must consider, after all, that they’re foolish enough to make your acquaintance.  
ATRAXI: I know what you’re getting at here.  
ATRAXI: 8ut I’m a fine person. A good person!  
ATRAXI: And I... am so much more... than just a weapon... for you, to, to... uh, to,  
ATRAXI: What are y-

You bend over and puke blood off the edge of the catwalk.

SPIDERMOM: Don’t tempt fate, Carius.  
ATRAXI: “F8”? Ha!  
MINDFANG: Don’t m8ke me laugh!  
MINDFANG: Are you saying that the outcome of me standing up for myself is certain 8ecause you’re not intelligent enough to ever reconsider your position on literally any su8ject I try my damnedest to correct you on - remem8er, I’m literally the only living thing you’ll ever encounter for the rest of your sad little fucking life! - Or are you saying that you’re so delusional you think you’re some kind of god or something????????  
SPIDERMOM: Delusional?  
SPIDERMOM: Please.  
SPIDERMOM: You’ve seen what I’m capable of. You’ve seen how easily I can control you. In what sense am I not a deity?  
MINDFANG: And you think I’m the one playing a character.  
MINDFANG: Fine. If you’re gonna go on 8elieving that, consider me a heretic.  
MINDFANG: I here8y reject your stupid fucking message, or whatever. What do you think of that?  
SPIDERMOM: Hmhmhmhmhm.  
SPIDERMOM: Heheheh...  
MINDFANG: Huh????????  
SPIDERMOM: Hahahahahaha!  
MINDFANG: What the fuck’s so funny?  
SPIDERMOM: Do you consider yourself a heretic? An apostate?  
SPIDERMOM: My child, you are *so hopelessly devoted* to me, whether you like it or not.

You take a step back and bare your fangs.

SPIDERMOM: Tell me, Carius.  
SPIDERMOM: What must the devout do in the temple of his god?  
ATRAXI: ...What.

You find yourself frozen in place as She hooks a claw into your hair, now matted and unkempt enough to manipulate you with like the puppet you are. With one firm motion, she thrusts you to your hands and knees. Your face hits the stone platform, and the frame of your glasses breaks clean in half. You struggle not to choke on the blood in your barely unbroken nose.

SPIDERMOM:  ** KNEEL.  
** ATRAXI: Fuck! My glasses!  
SPIDERMOM: You brought this upon yourself, you know.  
SPIDERMOM: If you buy yourself a new pair, be sure to do so in your own time. This isn’t an excuse for you to slack off in feeding me, just to be clear.  
SPIDERMOM: ...  
SPIDERMOM: Is that clear?  
ATRAXI: Ugh. Sure. Clear as night. Couldn’t 8e clearer!

⁂

You end up going, of course. Fuck if She thinks She can stop you like that. You meet Terezi by the docks at the agreed point at the agreed time, adamant that you’re not going to be letting her out of your sight for a second. This whole town is fucking filled with seadwellers who could easily be inclined to kill - or worse! - a pair of unassuming, defenseless midbloods like you.

That said, the streets are clear. Everyone’s either indoors, or underwater. So as long as you two stick together and keep your heads down, you shouldn’t have a problem getting by.

ATRAXI: (You hear that, Terezi?)  
TEREZI: (H34R WH4T)  
ATRAXI: ........  
ATRAXI: (Nothing, don’t worry a8out it. I just thought I heard something is all.)  
TEREZI: (WHY 4R3 W3 WH1SP3R1NG 4NYW4Y)  
TEREZI: (1M PR3TTY SUR3 YOUR3 JUST P4R4NO1D 4BOUT TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG)  
ATRAXI: (Yeah, may8e I am! 8ut at least I’m still alive, right?)  
ATRAXI: (Also, you suck at whispering!)  
TEREZI: (NO 1 DONT)  
ATRAXI: (Yes you do!)  
TEREZI: (NO 1 DONT!!)  
ATRAXI: Yes you do!!!!!!!!  
ATRAXI: Oh-

She covers your mouth. That was way too loud of you, what are you insane?! Have you completely lost your mind????????  
From every shadow of every corner of the village, there seems to come the slightest suggestion of movement. You glance at them one by one out of the corner of your eye, but they vanish as quickly as they appear. Without a word, the two of you agree to quicken your pace. You catch a glimpse of a violetblood brandishing some kind of bludgeoning instrument and decide to break into a sprint, still clinging to Terezi for dear life. The two of you share a terrified look when you hear your shadowy pursuers begin to call out to each other, and you almost stop breathing when you hear them shout at you to stop right where you are. You count down the distance between yourselves and the waterfront - hell, you can *see* the masts of the ships being sold from here! You can’t die so close to them now! - one hundred feet. Seventy five. Fifty. Twenty five.  
Suddenly, four more violetbloods climb out of the water, spot the two of you, and sandwich you between themselves and the crowd that had formed behind you. You and Terezi form your standard back-to-back formation, but you don’t draw your weapons.

ATRAXI: Now look, we don’t want any trou8le-  
??????1: ha! b-b-bloody typical.  
??????2: S° a c°uple °f dry fuckers just str°ll int° t°wn like they fuckin °wn the place an suddenly l°se their shit at the first sign °f h°stility hmmmmm  
??????3: look+here+ya+couple+a+seafoam+hued+ferals

You look over at a scrawny girl in a black coat. She’s brandishing a pretty wicked-looking battleaxe, and you can tell by the dull splotches on its blade that you’re not going to be among the first few skulls it splits. 

??????3: yer+tresspassin+in+the+wrong+darned+neighborhood+yknow  
??????3: an+thats+not+somethin+we+take+very+lightly  
??????4: wwait wwait everyone get back

Everyone present is instantly and deeply distracted by an incredibly panicked Eridan sprinting over, pushing through the crowd, and coming to your side.

??????3: dont+tell+me+these+are+some+a+yours  
ERIDAN: yeah im afraid they vvery much are  
ERIDAN: ampora property  
ERIDAN: after all evvery good ship needs a creww a helpless lowwbloods you can get to do wwhatevver you wwant  
ERIDAN: an it goes wwithout saying that i run a vvery tight ship indeed  
ERIDAN: (wwhat the fucks gotten into you ca-)  
ERIDAN: (actually wwould i be wwrong in guessin that youre not goin by that name anymore)  
ATRAXI: (I’ll explain l8r.)  
ERIDAN: (smart call)  
ERIDAN: so yeah as i wwas sayin before  
ERIDAN: (she?)  
ATRAXI: (Yeah.)  
ERIDAN: she so fuckin rudely sidetracked me  
ERIDAN: hate to break it to you but theyre mine sadly  
??????3: so+you+know+these+midbloods  
ERIDAN: wwell fuckin duh i owwn them  
ERIDAN: son of a shit triaki do you evver listen  
TRIAKI: well  
TRIAKI: since+you+APPARENTLY+know+them+so+well  
TRIAKI: what+are+their+names  
ERIDAN: wwho the fuck cares  
ERIDAN: theyre midbloods  
ERIDAN: theyre probably called somethin stone cold braindead like uhhh  
ERIDAN: (quick gimme the wworst midblooded names you can come up wwith)  
ERIDAN: (just off the top a your-)  
ATRAXI: (Artemi, Schyto, Chelat,)  
ERIDAN: artemi or schyto or chelat or somethin similarly puke conjurin  
TRIAKI: . . .  
TRIAKI: alright+sure+whatever  
TRIAKI: mind+you+it+sounds+like+yer+up+to+yer+usual+lame+tricks  
TRIAKI: but+theres+not+actually+any+rules+against+that  
TRIAKI: theres+just+me+makin+a+note+of+how+much+you+suck  
ERIDAN: wwell in that case ill just-  
TRIAKI: its+a+lot  
ERIDAN: yeah i figured youd be sayin somethin like that  
ERIDAN: but if you dont mind wwell be on our-  
TRIAKI: like+a+LOT+a+lot  
ERIDAN: yeah i fuckin knoww that  
ERIDAN: you knoww wwhat this wwhole discussion is beneath me  
ERIDAN: cmon guys  
ERIDAN: lets go

He turns and leaves. You and Terezi are smart enough to follow behind him, even as the crowd dissipates. It’s not until you’re well out of earshot of anyone else that he opens his mouth again.

ERIDAN: (ok first off names)  
ERIDAN: (so i can figure out wwhat im supposed to be shoutin at you)  
ATRAXI: Oh, uh!  
ATRAXI: I’m still figuring it out. Atraxi’s the one I’m trying right now.  
TEREZI: 1M T3R3Z1 PYROP3  
TEREZI: H3R P4RTN3R 4ND T34MM4T3  
TEREZI: DO YOU TWO KNOW 34CH OTH3R  
ERIDAN: wwh  
ERIDAN: wwhat the fuck  
ERIDAN: havve you nevver fuckin told her about me  
TEREZI: >:?  
ERIDAN: are you  
ERIDAN: ashamed of me

He furrows his brow. He looks genuinely upset, for once.

ATRAXI: What? No! Noooooooo! Definitely not!  
ATRAXI: You’ve just... never come up in convers8tion 8efore!  
ATRAXI: Terezi? This is Eridan, my kismesis.  
ERIDAN: its a pleasure

They both stare at each other, as if they expect one another to extend a hand to shake. Neither of them do.

ERIDAN: anywway you havve no idea howw lucky you are that i happened to be in the right place at the right time just noww  
ERIDAN: can you imagine wwhat wwoulda happened if i wwasnt  
ERIDAN: i can  
ERIDAN: its fuckin awwful  
ERIDAN: so again i gotta ask are you fuckin insane  
ERIDAN: wwhy did you evven come here  
ATRAXI: We’re here to 8uy a 8oat. You know, so we can go flarping seadweller style!  
ERIDAN: wwell  
ERIDAN: i hope you knoww wwhat kinda stuff youre landin your dry asses in  
ERIDAN: as you knoww wwere royalty an that means wwe dont take too kindly to havvin a couple a land dwwellin hotshots tryin to get on our levvel  
TEREZI: 3XC3PT YOU THOUGH R1GHT  
ERIDAN: wwhat no a course not  
ERIDAN: you just get special treatment because youre wwith the only troll beyond the shoreline i havve the tiniest modicum a priceless vviolet respect for  
ERIDAN: a friend a his is a  
ERIDAN: wwait no fuck i mean hers  
ERIDAN: shit im so sorry atraxi i wwasnt tryin to-  
ATRAXI: Dude. Shut the fuck up, alright?  
ATRAXI: It’s cool that you’re treating me like a normal girl, unlike almost everyone else! Don’t 8low it 8y suddenly profusely apologizing for the tiniest of slip-ups, alright? That’s just gonna m8ke me stick out like a sore clutch digit!  
ERIDAN: oh  
ERIDAN: uh  
ERIDAN: wwhat should i say then  
ATRAXI: I don’t know, just... don’t say anything.  
ATRAXI: To 8e honest I’m a pretty 8ig fan of those times when you don’t talk!  
ERIDAN: wwait wwh-  
ATRAXI: So anyway, 8ack on the su8ject of 8uying a 8oat.  
ERIDAN: yeah youre not gonna havve much luck in a place like this  
ERIDAN: not wwith your hues anywway  
ATRAXI: That’s fine. I’ll give you the money, you go 8uy it for me.  
ERIDAN: gimme twwenty percent commission and its a deal  
ATRAXI: What?! 8ullshit!!!!!!!!  
ATRAXI: ........  
ATRAXI: Ten percent.  
ERIDAN: deal  
ERIDAN: wwhich one did you havve your eye on

You point out an imposing-looking three-masted barque, down by the pier.

ERIDAN: wwoww  
ERIDAN: are you totally sure about this  
ERIDAN: shes not gonna be cheap you knoww  
ERIDAN: and i mean no offense but come on you are midbloods after all  
ATRAXI: I know, I’ve done my fucking research.  
ERIDAN: oh really  
ATRAXI: Don’t 8elieve me?  
ATRAXI: That thing weighs 8etween 90 and 130 tons (although it’s hard to tell from this distance), the fact that it only has three masts instead of the usual four suggests it was 8uilt for... most likely a 8lue or indigo 8looded captain like myself, it’s remarka8ly small as windjammers go, which means that it was 8uilt for a pretty small crew - let’s say, nine, tops - and judging 8y the sh8pe of the 8ow it’s a rel8tively early model, since the overwhelming majority of designs from seafaring ages used a much sharper point as the hydrodynamics of their designs 8ecame more advanced. I’d say... 8etween 210 and 230 sweeps, most likely, 8ut I can’t give you anything more precise than that until I see her from the front.  
ERIDAN: ...  
TEREZI: ...  
ERIDAN: im not even sure wwhat i can say i gotta admit thats impressivve  
TEREZI: HOPY SH1T YOU R34LLY KNOW YOUR STUFF HUH  
ATRAXI: Like I said, I did my research!  
ATRAXI: I’m gonna call her...

You wave your hand in front of you, inviting your companions to imagine the signage.

ATRAXI: The 8rigantine!  
TEREZI: H4H4H4H4 TH4TS SUCH 4 L4M3 N3RD N4M3  
ERIDAN: youre calling your ship a slightly smaller model of ship  
ATRAXI: Yeah! Yeah, you 8oth get it! Isn’t it 8rilliant?  
ATRAXI: They’ll think I’m just a 8oring old loser who can’t even come up with a name for her shitty little two-masted piece of gar8age, and then, 8AM!  
ATRAXI: Suddenly, they’re f8ce to f8ce with Marquise Spinneret Mindfang herself, scourge of the high seas, with her three-masted monstrosity firing its cannons at their unsuspecting asses!  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: NO 1 ST1LL TH1NK 1TS 4 L1TTL3 STUP1D  
TEREZI: 4ND 4LSO 1M NOT SUR3 WH3R3 W3R3 GONN4 G3T 4NY C4NNONS FROM  
TEREZI: BUT H3Y WH4T DO3S 4N UNCULTUR3D L1TTL3 “L4NDLUBB3R” L1K3 M3 KNOW?  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S YOUR 3L3M3NT 4ND B3S1D3S 1TS YOUR MON3Y  
ERIDAN: nah its definitely stupid  
ERIDAN: but ten percent is ten percent

Hey, that’s as good an agreement as you’ll be getting. You retrieve an eight-ball containing a few fat wads of cash and toss it his way. He fumbles with it for a second, but he gets it under control. You gently shoo him off to go buy that boat, and he leaves without another word.

TEREZI: WOW  
TEREZI: YOUR3 D4T1NG TH4T GUY HUH  
ATRAXI: Define “d8ing”.  
ATRAXI: If you’re asking if I enjoy the time I spend with him, well, I’ve got some 8ad news for you!  
ATRAXI: 8ut hey. That’s kismesissitude, I guess.  
TEREZI: ...

She pauses for a second. A part of you hopes that she’ll tell you you’re wrong, and that your relationship with Eridan isn’t healthy. But if she so much as considers it, she pushes the thought aside.

TEREZI: H3Y SO 1 GU3SS W3R3 4BOUT TO ST4RT PL4Y1NG 1N WH4T C4N ONLY B3 D3SCR1B3D 4S  
TEREZI: TH3 B1G L34GU3S  
ATRAXI: >::::)  
TEREZI: SO WH4T 1M TH1NK1NG 1S M4YB3 TH1S 1S TH3 P3RF3CT CH4NC3 TO L34N 1NTO YOUR CH4R4CT3R SOM3 MOR3  
ATRAXI: Oh? How so?  
TEREZI: W3LL TH3R3S 4 FR13ND OF 4 FR13ND OF M1N3 WHO CONS1D3RS H3RS3LF 4 B1T OF 4 T41LOR  
TEREZI: 1V3 N3V3R M3T H3R BUT H3 S4YS SH3S R34LLY GOOD 4T WH4T SH3 DO3S  
ATRAXI: 8888O  
TEREZI: H3Y YOUR 3NTHUS14SM 1S PR3TTY CONT4G1OUS  
TEREZI: 1N F4CT 1 MYS3LF 4M 4 L1TTL3 T3MPT3D TO TRY PL4Y1NG MY 4NC3STOR TOO!

You clench your fists close to your chest in excitement.

ATRAXI: Aaaaaaaa oh my god really?  
ATRAXI: That would 8e so cool.  
ATRAXI: So! Cool!  
ATRAXI: The a8solute coolest! Can you imagine????????  
TEREZI: OF COURS3 1TS GONN4 B3 R34LLY COOL TH1S 1S US W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT

She pulls out her phone, and as she types, she stares at the screen with that adorab-  
Actually, you know what? The way she goes a little cross-eyed when she’s concentrating isn’t cute at all. It’s very normal and plain. Kind of mediocre, actually.  
And the way she pouts a little? Eh. Who gives a damn. The only reason you want to put your lips to that mouth is because it looks like a big gross disgusting wound you need to suck the venom out of. It’s astounding how incredibly subpar and ordinary and totally unremarkable Terezi Pyrope is, except it’s not, and also you don’t care.

TEREZI: H3Y UM  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU 4LR1GHT  
TEREZI: YOUR3 JUST K1ND OF ST4R1NG 4T NOTH1NG  
ATRAXI: What?  
ATRAXI: Yeah, all hunky dory over here.  
TEREZI: OH TH4TS COOL  
TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO S4Y 1T LOOKS L1K3 SH3 L1V3S CLOS3R TO YOU TH4N TO M3 SO YOU SHOULD PROB4BLY B3 TH3 ON3 TO GO V1S1T H3R  
ATRAXI: That’s fine 8y me!  
TEREZI: OH  
TEREZI: SH3S 4SK1NG FOR 4 N4M3  
TEREZI: WH4T SHOULD 1 T3LL H3R  
TEREZI: 1S 4TR4X1 F1NE  
ATRAXI: Sure, that’s-  
ATRAXI: Actually, hm. This might 8e a gr8 way to try out more names at the same time!  
ATRAXI: If I end up deciding against this one, I can just ditch it and switch things up a little!  
TEREZI: HOW L1K3LY 1S TH4T TO H4PP3N  
ATRAXI: Hm. Good question!  
ATRAXI: I gotta say, there’s something a8out the name that just...  
ATRAXI: It's like... it’s as if...  
ATRAXI: If I said it wasn’t meaty enough, would that m8ke sense?  
TEREZI: 1 G3T WH4T YOU M34N  
ATRAXI: Yeah, exactly. I think I’m gonna adopt the name of an old pir8 captain Eridan once told me a8out.  
ATRAXI: They say she was a real terror on the high seas, and that she never 8owed down to anyone. She never took no for an answer!  
ATRAXI: I’m... not sure what that last part means? Pro8a8ly that she was really 8rave and persistent or something.  
TEREZI: Y34H PROB4BLY  
TEREZI: WH4T W4S H3R N4M3

⁂

Your name is OTAVIA SERKET, the seamstress affirms for you when she greets you by the front door. She looks exhausted, as if you’d just woken her up despite it being the middle of the night. Still, though, she leads you into her hive and up to her workshop. Nervously, you push your new (and still slightly uncomfortable, truth be told) glasses up your nose.

KANAYA: Please Do Make Yourself Comfortable This Isnt Exactly Quick Work  
KANAYA: Besides Company Is Scarce When You Live How And Where I Do So I Must Say Your Presence Is Very Welcome

You nod, not really sure what to say. She has a sort of naturally enchanting aura around her. If the word “maternal” existed in the vocabulary of any Alternian, perhaps it might cross your mind. You hoist your ass up onto a desk on the far side of the room from her and let your legs dangle back and forth beneath you. She, on the other hand, heads straight to her sewing apparatus and begins toiling away.

KANAYA: Lovely Night Isnt It  
OTAVIA: Yeah, I guess so.  
KANAYA: Im More A Day Person Myself  
KANAYA: I Dont Exactly Have The Best Sleeping Schedule You See  
KANAYA: Not That It Really Matters That Much After All I Hardly Ever Find The Chance To Get Out And About  
OTAVIA: I’m kinda the opposite, actually.  
OTAVIA: My hive sucks! I don’t like spending a second longer in there than I a8solutely have to.  
KANAYA: Oh  
KANAYA: Thats Unfortunate

She continues working in silence for a few minutes. You suppose she mustn’t be one for small talk. That, or she’s lost for words at the presence of a guest.

KANAYA: So  
KANAYA: How Long Have You Known That You Were A Girl  
OTAVIA: Um........  
OTAVIA: How did you know I used t-  
KANAYA: Oh  
KANAYA: Shit  
KANAYA: My Apologies I Suppose I Just  
KANAYA: Have A Knack For Noticing These Things  
KANAYA: Lets Leave It At That  
OTAVIA: Oh, right! How silly of me! Why didn’t I realize that sooner?  
KANAYA: Well I Hardly Make It Obvious  
KANAYA: Or At Least Thats What I Like To Think  
OTAVIA: Yeah! If you’re t8ilor-m8king clothes, then O8VIOUSLY you’re gonna get a lot of customers who are trying out new genders, right?  
KANAYA: Ah  
KANAYA: Yes  
KANAYA: That Is A True Statement Which Definitely Expresses The Fact About Myself I Was Thinking Of  
KANAYA: Excellent Job Youre Very Clever  
OTAVIA: ::::D

She continues toiling away at her station, the only sound in the room being the portato “shk-shk-shk” of her machine.

OTAVIA: You know... I kind of wish I could 8e as pretty as real girls like you.

Her sewing slows for a second as she winces.

KANAYA: Well For What Its Worth I Think You Look Rather Beautiful  
OTAVIA: Wow, re8lly?  
OTAVIA: That’s more th8n a l8ttle surprising.

Um????????

OTAVIA: Uhhhhhhhh... you too, I guess?

She cracks a smile and brushes a bang behind her ear at that. You barely notice the slight jade hue filling her cheeks and the nervousness with which she looks away.

KANAYA: Hm  
KANAYA: Yes I Think Youll End Up Looking Rather Dashing In This Coat

⁂

Your following seafaring adventures quickly prove her right, and as the Marquise and the Neophyte sail the 8rigantine out on her maiden voyage, your coat billows out behind you like a cape. Terezi is your only crew member right now, but what she lacks in plurality she more than makes up for in every other way!

OTAVIA: How’s the costume????????

You yell against the roar of the sea rocking your ship.

TEREZI: 4 L1TTL3 T1GHT 4ND SCR4THY

She calls back,

TEREZI: BUT 1T LOOKS 4W3SOM3!!!  
TEREZI: YOURS TOO 4CTU4LLY!!!  
OTAVIA: Hahahahahahahaha! I’m glad you think so!!!!!!!!

Strangely enough, the further you head out to sea, the calmer the waters become. You figure that’s just something seadwellers know how to account for when planning their games.  
You take a moment to look back at the shore. All the waves crashing against the rocks and all the cliffs and trees - everything! - all just seems so relievingly fake. So small, so abstract, that it all seems so artificial.  
You’re far from a world of violence and turmoil, of dim-witted casteist neighbors and backstabbing transphobic idiots and giant spiders who beat their own daughters, and you decide that this world is *evil*.

TEREZI: H3Y OT4V14  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU R34DY W3R3 4LMOST TH3R3  
OTAVIA: Yeah, of course!  
OTAVIA: How’s it looking?  
TEREZI: 3 3N3MY SH1PS CONV3RG1NG JUST UP 4H34D  
TEREZI: 1D S4Y TH3 CH4NC3 OF 4 F1GHT 1S UH  
TEREZI: 100%  
OTAVIA: I like those odds! Full steam ahead!!!!!!!!  
TEREZI: WH4T ODDS  
TEREZI: 4ND WH4T ST34M  
OTAVIA: It... it doesn’t matter. Forget a8out it! What’s important is that we’re gonna go in head first!  
OTAVIA: Who are we up against?  
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW 1 THOUGHT YOU KN3W  
OTAVIA: Oh, I do! I just thought it’d 8e really cool if I dramatically asked you that and you listed them all out!  
OTAVIA: 8ut since you don’t, I guess our roles are kind of reversed?  
TEREZI: Y34H TH4T WOULD M4K3 4 LOT MOR3 S3NS3  
TEREZI: SO WHO 4R3 W3 UP 4G41NST?  
OTAVIA: Excellent question.  
OTAVIA: Off the star8oard 8ow, we’ve-  
TEREZI: WO4H WO4H HOLD ON HOLD ON BLUH  
TEREZI: OFF TH3 WH4T NOW  
TEREZI: US3 SM4LL3R WORDS  
OTAVIA: Okay, so star8oard refers to the right side of the 8oat, and the 8ow is its front.  
TEREZI: TH3N WHY DONT YOU JUST S4Y THOS3 1NST34D  
OTAVIA: 8ecause with words like “left” and “right” and “forward” it’s not clear if I mean from the perspective of me or you or the 8oat!  
OTAVIA: This way, it’s unam8iguous!  
TEREZI: HOW 1S 1T UNAMB1GUOUS 1F 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
OTAVIA: Alright alright F8NE!!!!!!!!  
OTAVIA: We still have a8out a minute until we’re within boarding r8nge, so let’s t8ke this from the top!

You lift one finger and spin it in a circle, and you huff. Starting over!

OTAVIA: To our right, we’ve got Admiral O8sidian Salacia, the cold, ruthless lackey of the fuchsia empress herself. She-  
TEREZI: WOW S3R1OUSLY  
OTAVIA: No, of course not! That’s just her character.  
OTAVIA: 8ut apparently her ancestor was?  
OTAVIA: I think roleplaying as your ancestor is pretty standard practice with these guys.  
OTAVIA: Over on our left we have Magister Deathfin. He-  
TEREZI: H4H4H4H4 OH MY GOD  
TEREZI: 1M SO GL4D W3 D1DNT G3T SUP3R L4M3 4NC3STOR N4M3S L1K3 TH3S3 GUYS D1D 4M 1 R1GHT  
OTAVIA: Pfffffffft, yeah. Honestly, how fucking heavy handed can you get, right?  
OTAVIA: Moving on!  
OTAVIA: Last, 8ut not least, we’ve got Orphaner Dualscar str8 ahead. 8ut he’s all mine.  
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT 1T SOUNDS L1K3 YOUV3 GOT TH3 G4M3 PL4N 4LL F1GUR3D OUT  
TEREZI: H3Y H4S 4NYON3 3V3R TOLD YOU TH4T YOU S4Y 4 LOT OF R34LLY B4D 4CT1ON MOV13 ON3 L1N3RS UND3R YOUR BR34TH 3V3RY T1M3 YOU G3T R34DY FOR 4 F1GHT

Before you can formulate an answer properly, the four ships come close enough to board one another. What’s more, you know they’re going to team up on you. There’s no turning back now.

Preemptively, you roll the fluorite octet. It... Oh! Well, you guess you did say you wanted a cannon, right? So that’s that sorted for you. Maybe not exactly one that looked like this, though...  
You point it towards the Magister’s vessel and light the fuse by focusing the dual moonlight through your glasses. It takes a few seconds, but the spark catches nonetheless and begins triggering a bizarre, anachronistic Troll Rube Goldberg mechanism. Then, in a flash of brilliant light, his ship bursts into flames. You can see him and his small crew of lowbloods abandon ship hastily.

TEREZI: W3LL 1 DONT TH1NK TH3YR3 PL4NN1NG ON ST4Y1NG DOWN 4FT3R TH4T  
TEREZI: 1LL PROT3CT TH3 BR1G4NT1N3 YOU GO T4K3 ON TH3 OTH3R TWO

She doesn’t say “TH3 4DM1R4L”, but you can tell she means it. She knows as well as you do that you’re saving Eridan for last. You recall your dice and jump over onto her ship.

You’re instantly greeted by two lowbloods wielding cutlasses. You dodge and weave as they swing their blades at you, drive your elbow into the midsection of your left assailant, and bash your forehead against that of the one of the right.  
An oliveblooded underling of Deathfin claws his way on board and produces a crossbow. Without flinching, he fires its bolt into the skull of the former of the still-reeling swordfighter, and grabs the latter by the throat, and... oh god.

You’re kind of used to gruesome death by now, but you can’t help but shiver at the sight of a bronzeblooded young woman being grabbed by the neck, lifted off the ground, and getting her larynx raked out by a young olive boy’s sharpened claws. He tosses her overboard, and you don’t doubt she drowns when her wound fills with seawater.

OTAVIA: OH MY GOD.  
OTAVIA: OH MY GOD????????  
OTAVIA: YOU JUST-  
OTAVIA: WHAT????????  
!!!!!!: r-) you must be new heRe huh

He reloads and aims his crossbow at you. Before he can fire it, though, a figure swoops down silently from the ropes and throws three knives at the same time, striking him in the neck, chest, and gut. He keels over.  
Your mysterious savior lands on her feet with her back to you. Her hair is long and straight, and it falls down her ankle-length ebony cloak in streams. When she turns to look at you over her shoulder, you catch a glimpse of the wide range of hues coating the soles of her jet-black boots, and as she flicks her fringe out of her face, you see her scarred and callused gill, and her crimson eyepatch.

SALACIA: www.elcome to the big leagues, darling. 333  
SALACIA: i hope a little death isn’t enough to put you off www.hat i don’t doubt for a second must be a far more sophisticated game than an airbreather such as yourself www.ould be accustomed to. 333  
SALACIA: not that your chances of survival are looking particularly fantastic to begin www.ith i’m sorry to say. 333  
SALACIA: nothing personal of course but you know how it is www.hen someone far below your station tries to show you up. 333  
SALACIA: if you’d like i’d permit you and www.hatever must remain of your crew by now to turn around and leave. 333  
MINDFANG: No, I-  
MINDFANG: No, actually this whole killing thing works out gr8 for me!  
SALACIA: i see. 333  
SALACIA: very www.ell. en garde. 333

She nods, as if accepting your fate for you, and in one fluid motion - just one swing of her arm beneath her cloak! - she launches another pair of daggers in your direction. You narrowly manage to duck aside as they embed themselves in the mast just behind you. You roll your dice again, and a cloud of smoke forms on deck. You scramble out of the cloud, up towards the stern. You’d pretty much have a clear view of all four (well, three and a half, at this point) ships from there, most of all this one. You clear the cloud’s farthest reaches, coughing and gagging on the smoke all the while, and when you finally clear your lungs enough to open your eyes, she’s already right in front of you. She throws a punch. You parry with your respective arm, and deliver a hook with the other. She turns her head at just the right moment for your knuckles to only skim past her, and answers with an uppercut of her own. You stagger backwards, stumbling to regain your balance, and you drive your knee between her legs. She yelps in pain and seizes up. Wait, did-

MINDFANG: W8 w8 w8 w8 w8 w8 w8 w8. Did I just...

She nods, trying not to cry. You ramble an incoherent, rapid-fire apology as quickly and loudly as you can, before you're interrupted by yourself.

MINDFANG: W8, 8ut does that mean you’ve got a...

She nods again, more furiously and more pained than before, as if to emphasize that she really wouldn’t enjoy you finishing that question.

SALACIA: so www.hat... 33333  
SALACIA: there are plenty of girls like this... 33333  
SALACIA: besides www.e seadwellers aren’t exactly beholden to the same laws as people like you anyway... 33333  
MINDFANG: No, it’s just... hey, me too!  
SALACIA: oh holy shit. 333  
SALACIA: not often i get to meet a trans landrat. 333  
SALACIA: real shame you didn’t tell me earlier or else i www.ouldn’ta tried killing you. 333  
MINDFANG: No, it’s fine. I get it. Sometimes you just gotta kill, y’know?  
SALACIA: ha! i can’t argue www.ith that. 333  
SALACIA: you know it’s actually how deathfin and i met. our paths take us in opposite directions, so it’s only fitting www.e should meet one another along the www.ay, no? 333  
MINDFANG: Oh shit! So this is just, like, normal for violets?  
SALACIA: haha! calling him normal is hardly fair. after all, how many captains can you name www.ho flee in the middle of battle? 333

You look around. The motherfucker got away, leaving his crew to do his dirty work of getting the crap pummeled out of them by Terezi.

SALACIA: but yes. there's more of us than they'll tell you. 333  
SALACIA: you know marquise, i kinda like you. maybe if www.e'd hatched under different circumstances, www.e could have been more to each other than "that girl at the helm of the enemy ship". 333  
MINDFANG: Heheh. Hey, you know, I really like you too. What would you think if I offered a truce? You know, to 8eat the other two teams and-

Your conversation is interrupted by a blinding beam of energy coursing directly through her midsection, killing her instantly.

DUALSCAR: i wwarned you bitch  
DUALSCAR: the marquise is mine and mine alone to deal wwith  
MINDFANG: (Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god........)  
OTAVIA: What- what did you do????????

He lowers his sea-blue rifle.

DUALSCAR: seriously you cant tell  
DUALSCAR: wwhats your problem mindfang youre vvery easy to ovverestimate  
ERIDAN: wwait  
ERIDAN: did i say somethin wwrong you look angrier than usual wwhich is an accomplishment in and of itself

⁂

OTAVIA: You know, if I knew I was signing up for a fucking 8lood sport... I don’t know.  
OTAVIA: I’m not sure if I would have signed up quicker or just given up on the whole 8oat thing altogether!

Terezi stands by your shoulder and holds your hand, but she doesn’t say anything. Eridan, still cradling the bruises on both his cheeks from the near-fatal experience of incurring your ire, walks over to your side.

ERIDAN: honestly i dont get wwhat the big deal is  
ERIDAN: my lineage had a pretty long standin feud wwith hers and besides she wwas kind of a bitch anywway  
ERIDAN: you probably wwouldnta liked her that much if you got to knoww her

You scowl out towards the horizon. He backs off.

ERIDAN: so fuckin wwhat

He huffs to himself.

ERIDAN: does killin someone just cuz i cant stand her or just cuz bein an ampora comes wwith certain expectations or just cuz any one of a number a reasons too high for your over oxygenated think pan to fathom make me a bad fuckin person  
OTAVIA: Yes, you m8ron! Of course 8t fucking d8es!!!!!!!!  
ERIDAN: then wwhat the fuck does it make you

You throw a fist in his direction. He sidesteps just in time to avoid being rendered downright unconscious. Terezi pulls her hand from your grip to point at him accusingly. You’re impressed by how good she is at it; she’d make a fantastic legislacerator one day.

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 H3LL 1S YOUR PROBL3M 4MPOR4  
TEREZI: HOW D3LUD3D DO YOU H4V3 TO B3 TO C4LL OT4V14 JUST 4S B4D 4S YOU 4FT3R K1LL1NG SOM3ON3 1N COLD BLOOD  
ERIDAN: wwhat do you mean  
ERIDAN: oh  
ERIDAN: oh wwait has she nevver told you  
TEREZI: TOLD M3  
TEREZI: WH4T  
OTAVIA: ........  
ERIDAN: haha oh man alivve thats fuckin rich  
OTAVIA: Don’t. Tell her. Anything.

He then proceeds to do the exact opposite of not telling her anything. The next fifteen minutes are taken up by him talking about your lusus, Terezi staring at you in progressively more incredulously mortified ways, and you averting your gaze from both of them altogether.

TEREZI: NO TH4T C4NT B3 TRU3  
TEREZI: OT4V14 LOOK M3 1N TH3 3Y3 4ND T3LL M3 H3S LY1NG  
OTAVIA: I-

You choke up. That’s enough of an answer for her.

OTAVIA: I’m sorry. I wish it didn’t have to 8e this way.  
OTAVIA: 8ut it’s either this, or I neglect Her, She starves, and then I get culled.  
OTAVIA: For...  
OTAVIA: For someone as dedic8ted to learning and upholding the law as you, I guess I must seem pretty fucking disgusting, huh?  
OTAVIA: Either I keep murdering all these low8loods - although let’s face it: I’m gonna 8e expected to in like a sweep or two - or I prove myself inc8pa8le of looking after my lusus. Either way, I’m gonna have to choose 8etween committing inexcusa8le crimes or str8-up mass murder, right?  
OTAVIA: So...  
OTAVIA: I don’t know.  
OTAVIA: If you wanna kill me right now and earn your stripes, I wouldn’t 8lame you.  
TEREZI: ...

Her face falls. Eridan’s clearly uncomfortable with this little heart-to-heart. Well, that makes three of you.

ERIDAN: other than all that though uh  
ERIDAN: since you wwon you technically havve the rights to the slavves from evveryones crewws  
ERIDAN: not that i think you really havve any business fuckin around in seadwweller affairs in the first place in fact id put good money on you dyin  
ERIDAN: seriously lets face it you dont belong wwith us no matter wwhat you do  
ERIDAN: i mean yeah sure youvve got a bit of a hot temper but evven wwhen lavva flowws underwwater it behavves differently  
OTAVIA: Hey. Hey, shut your stupid soulless mouth for two seconds. What’s that 8it of land out there?  
ERIDAN: oh that  
ERIDAN: thats just fata morgana dont wworry about it  
OTAVIA: F8a Morgana, huh?  
OTAVIA: Sounds exotic!

You grab Terezi’s hands in your own and look her in the eye.

OTAVIA: Hey.  
OTAVIA: What do you say you and I run away one day?  
OTAVIA: Away from all these stupid pointless rules and hierarchies and shit, and we sail out there and never look 8ack?  
TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK TH4TS R34LLY F34S1BL3  
OTAVIA: I know. ::::(  
OTAVIA: I’m just so desper8 for a way out, that I-  
ERIDAN: yeah this is wway too sappy for me im goin

He stays exactly where he is.

OTAVIA: I’m sorry, can I help you?  
ERIDAN: youre not evven gonna kiss me goodbye huh  
ERIDAN: thats fuckin cold evven for you ota  
OTAVIA: Oh, go fuck yourself!

Almost effortlessly, you pick him up and throw him overboard.

OTAVIA: As I was saying-  
TEREZI: H3Y  
TEREZI: C4N W3 H4V3 TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON 4 L1TTL3 L4T3R  
TEREZI: 1TS PR3TTY OBV1OUS TH4T W3R3 BOTH 4 L1TTL3 SH4K3N R1GHT NOW 4ND 1 TH1NK W3 SHOULD S4V3 TH1S FOR WH3N W3R3 MOR3 SUR3 OF OURS3LV3S  
OTAVIA: You’re right.  
OTAVIA: 8ut for the record, unless I’m very much mist8ken, I’m not dead right now.  
OTAVIA: So...  
OTAVIA: Thanks.

⁂

Your name is LAWARA SERKET, at least for the time being. But you’re very close to giving up altogether. At Terezi’s insistence, you’re back to dealing with the ol’ lowblood style of extreme roleplaying. You aren’t particularly keen to tell her to go back out to sea with you anyway, though. It’s far too dangerous, and you’d be better off alone.

LAWARA: So. This is it, huh?  
LAWARA: 8ack to the 8asics. Just you and me, taking on the world!  
TEREZI: OH FUNNY YOU SHOULD S4Y TH4T 4CTU4LLY  
TEREZI: R3M3MB3R 4LL THOS3 LOWBLOODS W3 WON 1N TH4T F1GHT W1TH 3R1D4N  
TEREZI: W3LL 1 S4Y F1GHT BUT W3 KNOW 1T W4S R34LLY JUST H1M WH1MP3R1NG WH1L3 YOU 4LMOST BROK3 H1S M4ST1C4T1ON BON3  
LAWARA: I don’t really want to think a8out that right now, honestly!  
TEREZI: 1 R3SP3CT TH4T  
TEREZI: 1T K1ND OF W4SNT TH3 PO1NT 4NYW4Y  
TEREZI: WH4T 1 W4S TRY1NG TO S4Y 1S TH4T 1 S3T TH3M 4LL FR33 B3C4US3 1 TH1NK W3 BOTH KNOW TH3 W4Y TH3Y W3R3 TR34T3D W4S R34LLY UNJUST  
TEREZI: BUT 1 4LS0 L3T SOM3 OF TH3M JO1N T34M SCOURG3  
LAWARA: You what????????  
TEREZI: BY TH3 W4Y DO W3 H4V3 4 B3TT3R N4M3 Y3T  
LAWARA: What were you THINKING?! Team Scourge was meant to 8e *our thing*!  
LAWARA: It was meant to 8e a secret little team where no8ody would ever treat us like weirdos ever again! You can’t just go letting other people in on that!  
TEREZI: 1M 4M4Z3D YOU DONT TRUST M3 ON TH1S  
TEREZI: 4FT3R 4LL 3V3RYON3S 4 LOT MOR3 PUT OFF BY M3 TH4N TH3Y 4R3 BY YOU  
LAWARA: Hey, that’s not true. You don’t know what my life is like.  
TEREZI: OK M4YB3 1 DONT BUT YOU SHOULD D3F1N1T3LY G1V3 TH3S3 GUYS 4 CH4NC3  
TEREZI: OH H3Y H3R3 TH3Y 4R3 NOW

A trio of lowbloods - bronze, olive, and rust respectively - make their way through the forest and over to you. Any hopes you had for this “secret” hideout actually being secret in the slightest are suddenly dashed into particle dust.

TEREZI: 1D L1K3 YOU TO M33T TH3 N3W3ST M3MB3RS OF T34M SCOURG3  
TEREZI: D4D4L3 L31TON 4ND Z3F1RO  
LAWARA: Hey. Hey, no. This is a8solutely not happening. As team captain I veto this notion and perma8an all of them!  
TEREZI: H3Y 4T L34ST G1V3 TH3M 4 CH4NC3 F1RST!  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1N TH31R OWN W4YS TH3YR3 4LL K1ND4 W31RD JUST L1K3 US!  
LAWARA: What?  
LAWARA: Terezi, do you...  
LAWARA: Do you think I’m weird?  
TEREZI: W41T NO TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 M34NT  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 M34NT  
ZEFIRO: Π if its any consolatiOn i was a member of the admirals crew Π  
ZEFIRO: Π which means im a lOt more like Π  
ZEFIRO: Π i guess respectful Of your uh Π  
ZEFIRO: Π your thing? than i Otherwise would be Π  
ZEFIRO: Π god that sounds shitty Of me to say huh haha Π  
LAWARA: (You told them I’m trans????????)  
TEREZI: NO 1-  
DADALE: [wait][youre][what]  
LEITON: what d⊕es trans mean  
ZEFIRO: Π oh no no nO she did no such thing! Π  
ZEFIRO: Π dont you remember that time we played against each Other ages ago though Π  
LAWARA: Fuck.  
LAWARA: No, I don’t, as a matter of fact.  
LAWARA: Dammit.  
TEREZI: OK4Y S1NC3 1 TH1NK NON3 OF US W4NT TO L1NG3R ON TH4T P4RT1CUL4R TOP1C 1 GU3SS W3 SHOULD MOV3 ON!!!  
TEREZI: SO L4W4R4  
TEREZI: YOU R3M3MB3R 3V3RYTH1NG W3 W3NT OV3R R1GHT  
LAWARA: Ugh! Yeah.  
LAWARA: 8ut would it kill you to get off my 8ack for two seconds???????? Seriously, you’ve 8een so on edge ever since that fight on the ships.  
TEREZI: ONLY B3C4US3 YOU H4V3  
TEREZI: B3S1D3S 3V3RYTH1NG 1 TOLD YOU W4S 1MPORT4NT FOR YOUR S4F3TY  
TEREZI: SO  
TEREZI: WH4T W4S 1T 1 TOLD YOU  
LAWARA: ........  
LAWARA: What, you want me to fucking recite it?  
TEREZI: UGH 1M JUST TRY1NG TO H3LP YOU  
TEREZI: >:[  
LAWARA: Okay, fine. Fine!  
DADALE: [um][hold][up]  
DADALE: [should][we][go]  
LEITON: yeah this seems pretty pri⊻ate  
LEITON: unless y⊕u’d prefer we stayed  
TEREZI: Y34H PL34S3 ST4Y L4W4R4S JUST B31NG D1FF1CULT  
LAWARA: No, you guys aren’t really needed here.

They leave without much protest.

ZEFIRO: Π hey ill talk tO you guys later! Π  
LAWARA: Sure! I’ll do that!  
LAWARA: Terezi.  
LAWARA: What the fuck is going on?  
LAWARA: I’m “8eing difficult”? You’re “just trying to help” me?  
LAWARA: I’m not a fucking wiggler, you know! I don’t need you to coddle me and 8oss me around, alright? I get enough of the former from that Kanaya girl you introduced me to, and the latter from my lusus! 8ut hey! If you care a8out me upholding your *standards* or whatever, here’s that list you so 8adly wanna hear.  
LAWARA: One: No killing any8ody, inside the game or out, unless they’re 8ad guys.  
TEREZI: OK4Y TH4T L4ST CL4US3 1SNT GO1NG TO B3 4 B1G D34L TH1S T1M3  
TEREZI: TH3 GUYS W3R3 PL4Y1NG 4G41NST 4R3 R43LLY COOL 4CTU4LLY  
LAWARA: Noted.  
LAWARA: Two: we split all loot 8etween the two of us equally, regardless of however much we contri8ute.  
LAWARA: Three: no psychological warfare, or gam8its that could potentially lead to psychological warfare.  
TEREZI: OK4Y TH4T ON3S MOSTLY FOR M3 4CTU4LLY  
LAWARA: Four- can I just say, 8efore I keep going?  
LAWARA: You’re actually just as 8ad as Aradia a8out all this! I’m so fucking tired of 8eing controlled all the time, and of every8ody telling me what to do!  
TEREZI: W41T 1 THOUGHT YOU 4ND 4R4D14 W3R3 FR13NDS 4G41N  
LAWARA: Oh, m8ke no mist8ke. I’d like to 8e, 8ut I’m worried she’s gonna keep 8eing a huge 8ossy 8itch if I talk to her more than I do.  
TEREZI: OH UH  
TEREZI: 1 PROB4BLY SHOULD H4V3 4SK3D YOU 4BOUT H3R 34RL13R HUH  
LAWARA: What? Why?  
ARADIA: hey guys!

Oh good lord. Terezi’s invited Team Charge to play against you, for some godawful reason.

LAWARA: Hey, Aradia.  
LAWARA: Tavros.  
TAVROS: hI,,,  
LAWARA: Where’s every8ody else?  
ARADIA: 0h uh  
ARADIA: they all gradually left 0n0  
ARADIA: i guess team charge isnt f0r everyb0dy

Oh shit. Did you seriously burn through all but two members? That can’t be right!!!!!!!!  


ARADIA: its really been a while th0ugh hasnt it  
ARADIA: i d0nt even think i knew s0llux the last time we met  
ARADIA: s0llux is my matesprit by the way hes l0vely  
ARADIA: i think y0ud pr0bably really like him aranea  
LAWARA: Is that so.  
ARADIA: i imagine it w0uld be! 0u0  
LAWARA: Huh, I guess you’ll have to introduce us one night.  
LAWARA: Hey. Tavros.  
TAVROS: oH,,, uM,,,,, wH-  
LAWARA: Long time no see, huh.  
TAVROS: yEAH,, i GUESS IT IS,,,  
TAVROS: oR,,,, iT HAS BEEN,,, sINCE NOW I AM SEEING YOU, bECAUSE YOU’RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME,,,,,  
LAWARA: Ha! You haven’t changed a 8it, huh.  
LAWARA: I guess neither of you have. It’s almost like you’ve already got shit figured out.  
LAWARA: ::::)  
LAWARA: ::::/  
TEREZI: H3Y 4R4D14 1M R34LLY SORRY TO H34R 4BOUT YOUR T34M >:[  
TEREZI: FOR WH4T 1TS WORTH THOUGH TH4TS GO1NG TO M4K3 TON1GHT 4 LOT MOR3 M4N4G34BL3  
TEREZI: JUST TWO ON TWO  
ARADIA: 0h is that s0  
ARADIA: f0r s0me reas0n i th0ught there was g0ing t0 be m0re 0f y0u  
TEREZI: TH3R3 W4S  
TEREZI: BUT L4W4R4 S3NT TH3M 4LL HOM3 B3C4US3 SH3 W4NT3D T34M SCOURG3 TO JUST B3 M3 4ND H3R  
TEREZI: WH1CH 1S HON3STLY F41R 1 DONT KNOW WH4T 1 W4S TH1NK1NG  
TEREZI: SO UH  
TEREZI: WHOS 1N CH4RG3 OF TON1GHTS C4MP41GN  
TAVROS: mE,,, i WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT,,,,, }:)

Oh dear god.

⁂

You and Terezi stalk through the forest, in search of... god, you don’t even know anymore. This whole game is mind-numbingly dull.  
You’ve got something on your mind that you’ve been putting off for a really long time, and since this game isn’t exactly keeping you busy, you may as well bring it up now.

LAWARA: Hey, Terezi. Question.  
TEREZI: SHOOT  
LAWARA: Do you think I’m a 8ad person?

She hesitates.

TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK SO  
TEREZI: 1M NOT SUR3 1F TH3R3S 4 WORD FOR WH4T YOU 4R3 4CTU4LLY  
TEREZI: 1F TH3R3 1S 1 C4NT TH1NK OF 1T 4NYW4Y  
TEREZI: WHY  
LAWARA: I can’t help 8ut feel like I’m the reason Admiral O8sidian Salacia died. And if I am, I’m not sure I’ll ever 8e a8le to forgive myself.  
TEREZI: YOUR3 TH3 R34SON 4 LOT OF P3OPL3 4R3 D34D  
TEREZI: WHY 1S SH3 4NY D1FF3R3NT  
LAWARA: ........  
LAWARA: Is it selfish to say that I’m hurt 8y her death 8ecause she was like me?  
TEREZI: C4N YOU 3L4BOR4T3 ON TH4T >:?  
LAWARA: I’m not sure. I’m just... I’m just very different to everyone else most of the time, I think!  
LAWARA: I feel like you’re more similar to me than most people are, 8ut even you don’t know what it’s like to live with the expect8tions of 8eing a quasi-high8lood, or dealing with a wrathful god for a lusus, or having to kill a whole 8unch of people every night, or any of that stuff!  
LAWARA: I feel like, since she was trans too... it was as if I finally had someone else who could understand how it felt to... 8e... this way.  
LAWARA: And then Eridan killed her in a fit of jealousy! God, what’s wrong with him????????   
LAWARA: I 8roke up with him over all that, 8y the way.  
TEREZI: WOW R34LLY  
LAWARA: In a pumping cycle!  
LAWARA: He’s in denial a8out it, though, and he still acts like we’re together.  
TEREZI: OH OF COURS3 H3 FUCK1NG DO3S  
LAWARA: I know, right????????  
LAWARA: Hey. You still thinking a8out getting away to F8a Morgana sometime?  
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW  
TEREZI: 1TS K1ND4 FUNNY 4CTU4LLY  
TEREZI: WH3N YOU F1RST ST4RT3D RUNN1NG C4MP41GNS 1 W4S 4LMOST T3MPT3D TO COMPL41N 4BOUT HOW TH3 STOR13S 4LL FOLLOW3D TH3 S4M3 FORMUL4 OF ST4RT1NG OFF SOM3WH3R3 D4NG3ROUS 4ND TRY1NG TO 3SC4P3  
TEREZI: NOW 1 G3T WHY  
LAWARA: Hm.  
LAWARA: It’s kinda ironic, if you think a8out it.  
LAWARA: I started playing this whole game for the s8ke of esc8pism, 8ut it still wasn’t enough for me! I had to put in a whole extra layer to it!  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H 1 GU3SS TH4T 1S 4 L1TTL3 1RON1C  
TEREZI: 1M ST1LL TH1NK1NG 4BOUT TH4T F1RST G4M3 OF YOURS 1 PL4Y3D 4CTU4LLY  
TEREZI: 1TS 4M4Z1NG HOW YOU H4D PR3TTY MUCH 4 N4TU4L T4L3NT FOR 1T HUH  
LAWARA: Awwwwwwww, thanks! You flatter me.  
LAWARA: Hmmmmmmmm.  
TEREZI: HM?  
LAWARA: Hm!  
LAWARA: Can I ask you, like, a really really weird question?  
TEREZI: GO R1GHT 4H34D  
LAWARA: Do you really wanna 8e a legislacer8tor?  
TEREZI: WH4T K1ND OF 4 QU3ST1ON 1S TH4T  
TEREZI: 1TS TH3 JOB 1 W4S H4TCH3D TO DO  
TEREZI: 4ND 3V3N THOUGH 1M ST1LL L34RN1NG 1M PR3TTY 4M4Z1NG 4T 1T  
LAWARA: Yeah, alright. That’s fair enough.

You notice she didn’t answer the question, though.

TAVROS: hEY GUYS,,,  
TAVROS: hEY GUYS WAIT FOR ME,,,,

You both turn to see Tavros run up to you, nearly collapse, and struggle to catch his breath.

TAVROS: i JUST WANT TO SAY,,, tHAT I ACTUALLY FORGOT TO,,,,, uM,, hIDE ANY TREASURE,,,,,,,  
TAVROS: sO I THINK THAT MEANS YOU GUYS WIN BY DEFAULT,,,

Aradia also runs over and helps him stand upright.

ARADIA: this must seem pretty anticlimactic t0 seas0ned champi0ns like y0u guys huh  
LAWARA: You could say that.  
TAVROS: bUT IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,, tHE FACT THAT WE ARE ALL FRIENDS AGAIN,,, tOGETHER,,,, rEALLY IS THE TREASURE,,,,,,,  
LAWARA: ...  
ARADIA: ...  
TEREZI: ...  
LAWARA: Ha! I guess it is, huh?  
LAWARA: Truth 8e told, I did miss you guys. It’s honestly a huge relief to 8e 8ack!  
LAWARA: And I think I learned from my mist8kes. I’m not gonna fuck it up this time!  
ARADIA: me neither!  
ARADIA: haha w0w its alm0st been a sweep since we first met can y0u believe that  
LAWARA: Heheh! Time sure flies, I guess.  
LAWARA: You know, as weird as it sounds, 8etween you three, the three people I just 8ooted out of Team Scourge - who I honestly think seem like pretty fine people, to tell you the truth - Kanaya, and this other friend of mine I don’t think any of you have met, I never imagined the day I’d fucking have eight friends.  
LAWARA: Like, ever! In my whole life! 8n’t that crazy?

⁂

Your name is OUTTHU SERKET, probably. You don’t even fucking know anymore. You’re so fucking close to just giving up at this point and going with Artemi again, or at least putting it off for a while.

GA: Really  
GA: That Seems Like An Awful Shame To Me  
AG: Hey, it’s no 8ig deal. 8ut I have tried a lot of stuff so far and none of it really felt like me!  
AG: I think the 8est I had was the very first one, in fact!  
AG: Man, choosing your own name is hard! It’s not something you’d ever understand.  
GA: Is That So  
AG: Yeah, totally!  
AG: Hold on, I’m getting a message from someone else.

All night, you’ve just been jumping back and forth between like a million different conversations, coming in so fast you can hear your computer’s fan whirring in trying to process them all (or at least in you excitedly jiggling your leg up and down against the tower beneath your desk, but hey! Same thing, really). It’s amazing how popular you are now!

CG: HEY AGAIN, ASSHAT.  
CG: LOOK. I THINK WE GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT YESTERDAY, AND I JUST WANTED TO EXTEND AN APOLOGY.  
CG: I KNOW WE BOTH SAID SOME REALLY TASTELESS STUFF AT THE TIME, BUT TEREZI INSISTS THAT’S JUST YOUR WAY OF GETTING TO KNOW PEOPLE. SO I’M WILLING TO JUST LET BYGONES BE BYGONES IF YOU’LL DO THE SAME.  
AG: Wow. Slow down, dude! Let me get my note8ook out so I can decrypt the muffled yelling you’re doing with your 8ulge 8uried in your throat!  
CG: OK FIRST OF ALL, FUCK YOU.  
CG: HERE I AM TRYING TO SHOW SOME FUCKING CIVILITY AFTER THAT DISASTER OF A FIRST CONVERSATION, ONLY TO HAVE YOU SHOOT ME DOWN BEFORE I EVEN TAKE OFF.  
CG: CONGRATULATIONS, OUTTHU. I THINK WE JUST SET THE GALACTIC RECORD FOR THE SHORTEST AND MOST ABYSMALLY PATHETIC AIRTIME ANY CONVERSATION HAS EVER MANAGED.  
CG: ONE DAY THEY’LL PRINT IT OUT AND PUT IT ON DISPLAY IN A NOVELTY AVIATION MUSEUM FOR ALL THE WIGGLERS TO GAWK AT WHILE THEIR LUSII DEMAND THEY STAY BEHIND THE HANDRAIL AND DON’T TOUCH IT, LEST ITS VALUE SOMEHOW DROPPING ANY LOWER THAN IT ALREADY IS RELEASES ENOUGH PARADOX ENERGY TO DESTROY THE FABRIC OF REALITY ITSELF.  
AG: I stopped following this convers8tion around the part where you started typing. What are you even talking a8out?  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW. IN FACT, I’M KIND OF EMBARRASSED ABOUT EVERYTHING I JUST SAID FROM THE MOMENT I STARTED MESSAGING YOU ONWARD! CAN WE JUST FORGET I SAID ANYTHING AND START OVER?  
AG: You said that last time.  
CG: AND I STAND BY IT! THE ONLY THING I’VE EVER BEEN RIGHT ABOUT IN THE PAST IS HOW MUCH OF AN EMBARRASSMENT I WAS EVEN FURTHER IN THE PAST.  
AG: Hey.  
AG: I’m having a loooooooot of fun talking to you right now, 8ut someone else is messaging me. Give me a second.

DO: hey  
DO: it’s me again i h⊕pe i’m n⊕t b⊕thering y⊕u ⊕r anything  
AG: No, it’s fine.  
AG: What’s up?  
DO: it’s n⊕thing  
DO: i was just kind ⊕f w⊕ndering if you e⊻er wanted t⊕ hang ⊕ut ⊕r anything  
DO: it’s ⊕k if y⊕u d⊕n’t want t⊕ i t⊕tally understand  
DO: but i think it w⊕uld be pretty c⊕⊕l if y⊕u did  
AG: I’m totally willing to, 8ut I’m pretty 8usy all the time! I’ll see what I can do, alright?  
DO: well if y⊕u say s⊕  
DO: that s⊕unds g⊕⊕d t⊕ me  
AG: Hold on, a whole 8unch of people are messaging me right now. Give me a second.

GA: Who Is It  
GA: Is It Karkat  
AG: Yeah, actually!  
GA: Ah Yes I Thought So  
GA: Last Night After I Introduced The Two Of You He Sent Me Five Messages Completely Unprompted  
GA: Informing Me Rather Verbosely Of How Much He Hates Everything About You  
GA: Followed By Another Seventeen Messages Of Profuse Apology  
GA: Despite What You Might Infer From That It Means He Wants To Be Your Friend  
AG: Really???????? What the fuck is his pro8lem?  
GA: I Think Its Funny That You Say Problem As A Singular  
GA: But Regardless Thats As Good A Question As Any  
GA: Speaking Of Questions  
GA: Yes I Am Aware Of How Broad A Segue That Is  
GA: Might I Ask Where The Name Outthu Originates From  
AG: I’m not really sure? It wasn’t my idea.  
AG: As much as I’d like to t8ke credit for it, a really smart friend of mine came up with it!  
AG: Well, I say friend. “Flushed crush” is pro8a8ly a lot more accur8, 8ut I’d never tell them that!  
AG: Well, I say “flushed crush”, 8ut that’s not really true either! I don’t really feel that way a8out them, I don’t think. 8ut there’s definite affection of some kind there, even if it’s not strictly romantic.  
AG: It’s hard to explain!  
GA: It Certainly Sounds That Way  
AG: Hold on, Karkat’s messaging me again.

+62 new messages (see all)  
CG: *GALLONS OF LIQUID FUCKING HATRED*  
CG: EJACULATED HAPHAZARDLY FROM MY BILE GLANDS.  
CG: AND WHAT KIND OF A SAD SACK LUSUS CALLS THEIR DAUGHTER SOMETHING LIKE “OUTTHU” ANYWAY. THAT’S NOT EVEN A NAME, THAT’S THE SOUND SOMEONE MAKES WHEN YOU SUBJECT THEM TO THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER.  
AG: Actually, the name was my choice.  
CG: OH.  
CG: MY BAD, THEN.  
CG: SHIT, I FEEL KIND OF AWFUL ABOUT SAYING THAT NOW.  
AG: Nah, it’s cool. I’m still trying it out.  
AG: It wasn’t my idea, anyway. May8e it wasn’t anyone’s? I might have misread my friend’s message.  
AG: After all, I was highlighting it with just my trackpad, and I kept accidentally clicking and getting rid of the highlight.  
CG: WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO HIGHLIGHT A MESSAGE TO READ IT  
AG: Augh! Look, I’m so sorry to jump around so much, 8ut someone else is trying to talk to me. Hold on just one second.

DO: s⊕ h⊕w are y⊕u and terezi d⊕ing  
DO: is team sc⊕urge still a thing  
AG: With any luck, it always will 8e!  
DO: hahaha thats s⊕ cute  
DO: but als⊕ kind ⊕f p⊕werful in a strange way  
AG: I guess that’s really what I’m aiming for in life, you know?

[SPIDERMOM]: Carius!  
[OUTTHU}: What the fuck do you wa-  
[CARIUS]: God dammit, this again.  
[CARIUS]: You know what? Fine. See if I care.  
[CARIUS]: What do you want?  
[SPIDERMOM]: I take it you’re not keeping track of the time?  
[SPIDERMOM]: Sunrise is only an hour and a half away, and yet, I feel particularly famished.  
[SPIDERMOM]: You’re not forgetting anything, are you?  
[CARIUS]: Alright, Alright, I get it!  
[SPIDERMOM]: What’s with this attitude? Anyone not well acquainted with our relationship might mistake it for contempt, or even outright hostility.  
[SPIDERMOM]: Have you learned nothing?  
[SPIDERMOM]: Need you be re-educated? Is that what it’ll take to stop you defying every single thing I ask of you?  
[SPIDERMOM]: All I want is for you to feed me six courses a night, and to stay away from lowbloods and seadwellers alike, and to stop dressing like a girl in some desperate attempt to grab my attention. Is that really too much to ask?  
[CARIUS]: I’m coming downstairs, alright????????  
[CARIUS]: Say, it sure is interesting that every time you hit me, it just so happens you’ve *magically* found the energy to move a lim8, huh!  
[CARIUS]: May8e you could 8e using that energy for something more constructive, like not slowly fucking imploding under your own w8.  
[CARIUS]: Look at yourself, you overw8 piece of shit!  
[SPIDERMOM]: And so the pot calls the kettle black. So the glass hive shatters from the momentum of a stone within.  
[CARIUS]: ...What?  
[SPIDERMOM]: Let’s face it. Spending all your nights by your computer and feeding me bodies from a pre-existing stockpile isn’t exactly doing your physique any favors.  
[CARIUS]: Oh, come on! It’s 8ecause of you I’ve nearly starved to death on multiple occasions!  
[CARIUS]: 8ut ohhhhhhhh! Suddenly if *I’m* the one neglecting *you*, you get to 8ash my fucking face in!  
[CARIUS]: You know what this whole thing is? It’s, um...

It takes you a second to recall the word She uses in reference to you instead of saying that you’re troubled or stupid or messed up. What was it again? Eight letters, starting with R. Re-something.

Oh yeah. That’s right. Yeah, you call Her that. That’s probably going to crop up in your vocabulary a whole lot, if you’re being honest.

[SPIDERMOM]: And yet, despite all your shortcomings, I spare you.  
[CARIUS]: ...  
[SPIDERMOM]: All out of the goodness of my own heart! Don’t you appreciate that?  
[CARIUS]: I-  
[CARIUS]: .  
[CARIUS]: Thank you.  
[CARIUS]: Wow, w8. Did I think that, or did you-  
[SPIDERMOM]: Is there a difference?  
[CARIUS]: What do you mean? Of course there’s a difference, there’s a massive fu-

Oh.

Oh god, no. No, you hadn’t anticipated this at all.

You are so fucking dead.

[SPIDERMOM]: Carius?  
[SPIDERMOM]: Carius, what’s happened? Is everything alright?  
[CARIUS]: Hey, uh...  
[CARIUS]: If I was to say that we’re out of food-  
[SPIDERMOM]: We’re WHAT?!

Oh, no, no. This won’t do. This won’t do at all. Not one bit. Put me back in control put me back in control put me BACK IN CONTROL PUT ME BACK IN CONTROL!

Excellent. Come downstairs, and we can discuss this like the civil, level-headed bluebloods one of us is.

You turn and run down the stairs without protest, of course, and you [GET THE F8CK OUT OF MY M8ND]

I’m sorry, did you hear something? Hmhm.  
Joking aside, when did I ever say that was *your* mind? It seems like somebody’s forgetting who he belongs to, hm?

Wonderful. You step out onto the platform and bow to me, subtly, yet firmly. Let’s go through this, shall we? And maybe if you behave, I’ll let you off the hook without thanking me for my mercy.

[YOU CALL THIS MERCY? WHAT FUCKING MERCY????????]

Please, calm down. Your temper is most unpalatable, not to mention ungrateful. After last time, how I’d let you and that friend of yours off the hook with just a warning, despite your alarmingly frequent correspondence with her and her kin since? You should be on your knees, thanking me.

Suddenly, you find yourself on your knees, thanking me. Yes, that should do nicely. But I digress; where were we?

Ah! Yes. In much the same fashion as last time, you black out as I consume your conscious entirely. When you come to, you discover a young olive girl you’ve only ever seen face to face once before. She looks just as lost and confused as you in her final-

You can’t do this. You can’t fucking sit by and let this happen! You bolt upright and begin running towards her, ready to tackle her out of the way of the pointed claw of Her right palp.

OUTTHU: Leiton, get down!

She barely registers what you mean as you collide, and gasps with equal parts shock and relief when the two of you land at the end of the platform. Neither of you can help but giggle a little at how close a call that was , and then, in one fluid motion, you break her neck and she passes painlessly.

OUTTHU: What?  
OUTTHU: No, no I-  
OUTTHU: O-oh, god, this-  
OUTTHU: Leiton, are you ok????????  
OUTTHU: Leiton, answer me!!!!!!!!  
OUTTHU: ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!

You scream yourself hoarse in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, you’ll restore the light to those dead eyes, but no such thing happens.

SPIDERMOM: Oh, is she dead? That’s a shame.  
SPIDERMOM: Remarkably clean, though, if I may say so.

With that, She picks her up and begins chewing thoughtfully. You can’t block out the sound. It’s the last thing you’ll ever hear of her.

OUTTHU: I can’t fucking deal with this.  
OUTTHU: How...  
OUTTHU: How dare you hurt my friends like that????????  
OUTTHU: She was... she had so much fucking potential... and now she’ll never...  
OUTTHU: Uuuuuuuugh! What am I going to tell her lusus?  
SPIDERMOM: Don’t know,

She taps Her chin thoughtfully, and swallows.

SPIDERMOM: Don’t care.  
OUTTHU: You’ve m8de a 8ig fucking mist8ke, you know that?  
OUTTHU: It’s people like her that... that finally give me something worth living for, and if you t8ke them away from me I may as well just fucking kill myself and leave you here to rot!  
SPIDERMOM: You’ll do no such thing, actually.  
SPIDERMOM: Go on, try to jump off the ledge.

You try, but something, be it your cowardice or Her will, keeps you frozen in place.

OUTTHU: Alright, fine. Then I’ll get Equius to kill me!  
SPIDERMOM: You wouldn’t dare.  
OUTTHU: Oh yeah? Try me.

You pull your phone from your pocket, and begin typing. She tries to get you to throw it away, off the edge, but you grip it as hard as you can with all the consciousness you can cling onto.

AG: Hey, neeeeeeeeigh8or!  
CT: D --> Can I help you  
AG: Sure! Not right now, 8ut may8e at a l8r d8!  
AG: All I wanna do right now is ask you a hypothetical question.  
AG: If I was in a lot of pain that, due to circumstances too ela8or8 or convoluted to really explain right now, I knew for a fact I’d never recover from, would you 8e willing to mercy kill me?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> That is certainly a very upsetting question  
AG: And let’s also say that in this situ8tion my continued existence was a threat to everyone 8elow me on the hemospectrum!  
CT: D --> 100k, ms Serket  
CT: D --> I am beginning to find this line of conversation very deeply uncomfortable and would like to discontinue it immediately  
AG: Including...  
AG: Olive8loods?  
CT: D --> I would end your life without hesitation  
AG: Awesome! I knew I could count on you!

With that, you turn off your phone and glare at your lusus.

MINDFANG: See that? He said yes.  
[MINDFANG]: I hold all the fucking cards now.  
SPIDERMOM: Oh, very well. I’ll permit immunity to your “friends”.  
[SPIDERMOM]: But no more than eight. Plan this wisely, since you care so much.  
[MINDFANG]: You wanna negoti8? You’re in no position to m8ke demands of your own. Eight  _ dozen. _   
[SPIDERMOM]: Seven.  
OUTTHU: Seven’s fine! I can work with seven!

⁂

AG: You’ve gotta help me out here, man! How am I supposed to work with just seven????????  
Hm.  
I’ll admit that this decision does require a lot of careful planning. After all, your lusus isn’t one to misstep in a battle of wits.  
AG: I’m painfully aware.  
How’s “Outthu”, by the way?  
AG: I don’t know. It’s too soft-sounding, I guess! Is that relevant to the matter at hand????????  
I suppose not.  
Let’s think this through, shall we?  
First off, we can eliminate any necessity to protect those higher in caste than you. After all, your lusus is well aware of how she would be punished for laying a talon on a highblood.  
AG: That makes sense.  
AG: Hey, what caste are you? You’ve never told me, and now it’s 8ecoming a matter of life and death.  
You needn’t worry about that. I’m far nobler than you.  
AG: That’s a relief! So I guess that just leaves figuring out which seven of my friends I wanna keep alive, right? That should 8e... fairly simple.  
It should.  
But will it?  
After all, you’re overlooking a key weak point in your otherwise brilliant suicide stratagem.  
AG: Oh yeah?  
You bargained with Zahhak by threatening his moirail.  
Do you not think your lusus could easily use her to make similar bargains with him?  
You lose her, and the entire plan falls to pieces.  
AG: Fuck, you’re right!!!!!!!!  
Her name is Nepeta Leijon. Her trust may prove invaluable in this gambit.  
AG: Alright, so let’s list her at num8er one priority.  
AG: Second, I’ll put Terezi. Third, Aradia.  
AG: Since I a8solutely need Aradia to have my 8ack on this shit, I’ll put that m8sprit of hers at num8er four! If he goes missing she’s gonna figure out what’s happened instantly!  
Good thinking.  
That leaves you with just three, and five living friends to share them amongst.  
A difficult decision, undoubtedly.  
Who will receive the gift of your custodian’s forbearance?  
Mr. Nitram can be assumed to be a given for the same reason Mr. Captor is.  
Mr. Captor, for future reference, is Ms. Megido’s matesprit.  
AG: Alright, that’s reasona8le.  
AG: That just leaves Zefiro, Dadale, Karkat, and Kanaya, and I don’t know any of them well enough to really m8ke a decision there.  
AG: I guess it’s easy enough to pair them up, given who knows who.  
AG: So, that leaves the question: Zefiro and Dadale, or Karkat and Kanaya?  
AG: I don’t want to potentially sentence either pair of them to death, 8ut I guess I have to...  
AG: Ughhhhhhhh, this is the worst! The pit in my acid tract right now is 8ottomless!  
Would you blame yourself for either outcome if you decided it on a coin toss?  
AG: What? That’s a8surd!  
AG: Actually... hm.  
AG: You know, you might 8e onto something!

You rummage through your sylladex as quickly as you can, and crack open an eight-ball containing some assorted coinage. You pull out a random coin and weigh it in your hand.

AG: Heads, Zefiro and Dadale survive, Tails, it’s Karkat and Kanaya.  
AG: Here goes nothing!

You flip the coin, perhaps a little too forcefully. It lands on the other side of your respiteblock. You get up to ascertain its verdict, and as you do so, you swear the coin flashes a neon green for a split second. But as you get closer, you realize it’s just the moonlight from the window reflecting off its surface at an odd angle.

AG: Tails.  
AG: Alright. Already I’m dreading whatever inevita8le f8 comes to the other two 8ecause of this.  
You really ought not to.  
In fact, This was the only way things could have gone, even if you don’t quite understand that yet.  
Especially because you don’t, as it happens.  
AG: If you say so...  
For reasons of my own, I believe you’ve ensured the protection of a very favorable septet.  
Were I in your place, I can say with absolute certainty that I, too, would have selected Megido, Nitram, Captor, Vantas, Leijon, Maryam, and Pyrope.  
And you know that I never make a wrong decision.  
AG: Sure.  
AG: Alright.  
AG: Just give me a second, this is quite a lot to process!  
AG: Dadale.  
AG: Zefiro.  
AG: One day, they’ll 8e dead 8ecause of what I just decided.  
AG: I can’t fucking t8ke this anymore! I can’t, I just can’t.  
AG: If I go off the grid tomorrow, it’s 8ecause I’ve done something incredi8ly risky and potentially f8tal. Don’t come looking for me.  
I shan’t.  
Before you do, though, consider that you have nothing to lose in going downstairs right now and revealing your seven for what I’m sure you consider the worst case scenario.  
AG: What do I consider the worst case scenario?  
Every aspect of your life remains exactly the same as it appears now.  
AG: Okay, yeah. I guess that’s it. I’ll do that now, I guess. And then tomorrow...  
AG: Well, I guess that’s a sekret. :::;)

⁂

You step onto the pier, your coat pulled over your head to protect you from the last few rays of light as the sun dips below the horizon.

So, then. This is when the 8rigantine finally proves her worth.

You step aboard, and unfurl the sails one by one, all by yourself. This isn’t going to be easy, that’s for sure. But you can manage. Hell, it’s gonna be nothing compared to how hard typing this message will be.

AG: Dear Terezi Pyrope,  
AG: I’m typing this message, knowing it might 8e the last time I ever talk to you. As such, I’d like to apologize for every time we didn’t see eye to eye, and every time I didn’t listen to you, and every time I hurt people who didn’t deserve it.  
AG: It pains me to know that me never seeing any of you ever again is actually the 8est possi8le outcome. You see, I’m a8out to em8ark on my voyage for the far-off land of F8a Morgana, where I’ll finally 8e free of the Gehenna living with my lusus has 8ecome. I don’t know what I’ll find there, 8ut hey. The only way is up, right?  
AG: Wishing you all the 8est in what I pray is a life unt8nted 8y my presence,  
AG: Outthu Serket.  
GC: W41T NO DONT GO  
AG: Wow, you’re aw8ke already?  
GC: TH4NKFULLY Y34H  
GC: 1F YOUR3 GO1NG 1M COM1NG W1TH YOU  
AG: Oh! If you insist!  
GC: 1 DO 1NS1ST >:]

So you wait for her, of course, and you positively brim with excitement. You pace back and forth along the 8rigantine’s deck, jittering and trembling all the while. Holy shit, she’s coming with you. Why is she coming with you? You don’t know, but she is, and it’s awesome!!!!!!!!  
She arrives sooner than you expected, and she’s packed nothing. Neither have you, though. This is going to be a fresh start!

⁂

TEREZI: BLUH HOW LONG UNT1L W3 G3T TH3R3  
OUTTHU: Just twenty more minutes! We’re almost there!  
OUTTHU: I don’t know a8out you, 8ut I cannot W8 to get there!  
TEREZI: YOU S41D TH4T TW3NTY M1NUT3S 4GO  
OUTTHU: Well, my calcul8tions must have 8een a little off!  
OUTTHU: Seriously, we’re doing thirteen knots. We should 8e there 8y now! What gives?  
TEREZI: 3R1D4N TOLD US 4BOUT 1T L3T M3 4SK H1M

She pulls out her phone and types a few messages. You hear her gasp and whisper a curse under her breath.

TEREZI: OH GOD  
OUTTHU: What’s wrong????????  
TEREZI: 1TS  
TEREZI: FUCK TH3R3S NO N1C3 W4Y TO PUT TH1S  
TEREZI: BR4C3 YOURS3LF  
OUTTHU: I’m 8raced. How 8ad can it 8e?  
TEREZI: 4 F4T4 MORG4N4 1S 4 K1ND OF M1R4G3  
OUTTHU: .  
TEREZI: 1M SO SORRY OUTTHU 1 DONT KNOW WH4T TO-  
OUTTHU: IT WAS ALL A LIE!!!!!!!!  
OUTTHU: IT WAS ALL A 8IG FAT FUCKING LIE!!!!!!!!

You pull out as many eight-balls as you can from your sylladex and smash them against the deck. Eight! Sixteen! Twenty-four! Thirty-two! Who the fuck gives a shit about multiples of eight, this isn’t making you feel any better!

OUTTHU: If that was all one big load of f8ke f8key f8ke 8ullshit, what else was????????  
OUTTHU: Who knows! May8e Aradia didn’t ever really want to 8e friends again!  
OUTTHU: May8e Equius wasn’t really going to help me with my lusus!  
OUTTHU: May8e the Admiral deserved to die, I don’t know!  
CARIUS: Hey, may8e it goes 8ack further than even that!!!!!!!! I mean, do I really know with a8solute certainty that I’m a girl, or am I just trusting a weird little magic 8all that told me so way too much????????  
CARIUS: Can you genuinely look me in the eyes and tell me my name isn’t Carius Serket?  
TEREZI: OUTTHU 1-  
CARIUS: Ugh. You know what? Forget it! 8eing Mindfang was always just a fantasy anyway...  
TEREZI: LOOK  
TEREZI: YOUR3 B31NG R34LLY 1RR4T1ON4L R1GHT NOW 4ND 1F YOU DONT STOP YOULL 3V3NTU4LLY BR1NG SOM3TH1NG T3RR1BL3 UPON YOURS3LF  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 WONT L3T TH4T HAPP3N >:[  
TEREZI: L3TS S1T DOWN 4ND T4LK 4BOUT TH1S OK?  
CARIUS: Ugh, fine. Alright.

Your name is CARIUS SERKET, and you have given up on everything. Now you’re sitting on the deck of a ship you shouldn’t even own with a friend you don’t even deserve.

TEREZI: W3 N33D TO UNP4CK TH1S  
TEREZI: WHY 4R3 YOU G1V1NG UP 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N  
CARIUS: I don’t know. I guess I just felt so sure that a female identity was what I needed, 8ut I’ve tried out 8eing a whole 8unch of different versions of myself, and none of them have felt *right*.  
CARIUS: And that’s just causing a whole domino effect of pro8lems I have with myself, and my life, and everything...  
CARIUS: So now I’m not sure what I know for a fact is actually true or not. And I kept a pretty 8ig lid on it until F8a Morgana turned out to just 8e a trick of the light.  
CARIUS: I think...  
CARIUS: I think I’m gonna call it quits. Go 8ack to 8eing a 8oy, go 8ack to fighting with swords, just start from square one again.  
TEREZI: DO YOU  
TEREZI: F33L L1K3 YOU COULD 3V3R B3 H4PPY 4S TH3 OLD YOU 4G41N  
CARIUS: ........  
CARIUS: No, pro8a8ly not.  
CARIUS: This sucks. Why isn’t any of this working?  
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW  
TEREZI: BUT 1 TH1NK W3 SHOULD ST4RT ON TH3 MOST B4S1C L3V3L  
TEREZI: YOUR N4M3  
CARIUS: What a8out it?  
TEREZI: 1S OUTTHU WORK1NG  
CARIUS: Not really. It kind of sucks, actually.  
TEREZI: HM  
TEREZI: TH3N L3TS COM3 UP W1TH 4 B3TT3R ON3  
CARIUS: ...  
CARIUS: Alright, sure. Do you mind if I p8ce up and down while we do this? It helps me think.  
TEREZI: 1F 1T H3LPS YOU TH1NK TH3N YOU D3F1N1T3LY SHOULD

You do just that. Wow, yeah! This is way better.

CARIUS: What a8out-!  
CARIUS: No, that’s stupid.  
CARIUS: No w8! How a8out-!  
CARIUS: Augh, that’s even worse!  
CARIUS: Okay hear me out on this-  
CARIUS: No, I don’t even need to say that one aloud to know it won’t work.  
CARIUS: Okay, seriously. Why is this so hard?  
CARIUS: I've tried seven different names. Seven! Artemi, Lawara, Atraxi, Otavia, Schyto, Chelat, Outthu... gar8age, every single last one of them!  
CARIUS: I want to 8elieve everything's going to... to magically click into place on the eighth, 8ut this isn't some superstition-8ound fairytale. This is real life!  
CARIUS: Nothing's worked for me. Nothing! Now I'm worried, what if I'm just faking this whole ordeal for attention???????? What if my lusus was right?  
CARIUS: I mean really. I still have no idea what I am, or what I want to 8e, or... *snif* fuck, what if I'm wrong a8out all of this?  
TEREZI: UGH! DONT G1V3 UP TH4T 34S1LY!  
TEREZI: YOUR3 STRONG3R TH4N TH1S! 1 KNOW YOU 4R3.  
TEREZI: DO YOU R3M3MB3R...  
TEREZI: TH4T F1RST SUP3R H1GH ST4K3S C4MP41GN YOU R4N 4FT3R YOU ST4RT3D PL4Y1NG 4S G1RL CH4R4CT3RS?  
CARIUS: Yeah?  
CARIUS: Ugh, fuck. Tears in my eye. Yeah. Yeah, I remember. That was fun.  
TEREZI: WH4T W4S TH3 F1N4L BOSS C4LL3D?  
CARIUS: You mean that sea monster? God, I spent WEEKS working on that fight! Seeing you guys fight it was gr8!  
TEREZI: NO NOT TH4T ON3! TH3 *R34L* F1N4L BOSS! TH3 ON3 NON3 OF US COULD B34T  
CARIUS: Oh, that thing? Ugh, that was just a dum8 thing I threw together at the last second to drag shit out. No wonder she was un8alanced as fuck.  
TEREZI: 1 WOULDNT S4Y TH4T  
TEREZI: 1 S4W H3R MOR3 4S TH3 R3S1L13NT TYP3  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH3 OTH3RS D1D TOO  
TEREZI: B3TW33N YOU 4ND M3 1T W4S TH3 MOST FUN SOM3 OF US H4D 1N TH3 WHOL3 G4M3 >:]  
CARIUS: Really? Huh.  
TEREZI: WH4T W4S H3R N4M3 4G41N? SOM3TH1NG ST4RT1NG W1TH V R1GHT?  
CARIUS: Vriska.  
TEREZI: >:]  
CARIUS: ...Oh.  
TEREZI: >:]  
CARIUS: You... you don't think *I*...?  
TEREZI: >;]  
CARIUS: Hm.  
CARIUS: Vriska.  
CARIUS: Vriskavriskavriska.  
CARIUS: Vrrrrrrrriska.  
CARIUS: I think...  
VRISKA: I think this might 8e it.  
VRISKA: Oh my fucking god Terezi, you’re a genius! This is it!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: I’m Vriska!!!!!!!!

You run to the bow and scream for the whole world to hear:

VRISKA: MY NAME IS VRISKA SERKET, AND THAT’S FINAL! THAT’S SIMPLY ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER!!!!!!!!

And it is. That brings your quest for a name to its conclusion, and you couldn’t be happier!

Come morning, you climb back up to your respiteblock and curl up in your recuperacoon. But something feels different. You feel... safer, as if protected by the absolute, undeniable truth that your name is VRISKA SERKET.

And when you dream of this night some six years later, you recall it fondly. You recall it as one of the greatest, most important nights of your life.

The only difference is that back when it actually happened, that red box wasn’t on your desk.


	7. Day 4: EPHEMERA

You bolt upright with a start, pulse racing. Everything’s dark and quiet. Eerily so.  
You check your phone. 5:00 AM. God, what a time to wake up! You really should go back to sleep, what with today being your first day of school and all, but... you’re reluctant to find out where your dream was going to go from there. Maybe you can talk to one of your friends, but you can’t really imagine any of them being online right now.  
May as well check, though, right?  
Oh hey. Two online.

VRISKA A.H.: Hey, Vris. You there?  
VRISKA L.: Sup.  
VRISKA A.H.: Not a whole lot, just can’t really sleep.  
VRISKA A.H.: I guess I just wanna talk to someone a8out stuff. You know? I still haven’t got a lot of pro8a8ly really important stuff figured out a8out my new life, and I figure you’re waaaaaaaay more knowledgea8le a8out living on Earth C than I am.  
VRISKA L.: That really goes without s8ying.  
VRISKA L.: Not that you can really 8e expected to have as much familiarity with living in A Place I’ve Lived In My Whole Life, so please don’t mist8ke my bluntness for disdain!  
VRISKA A.H.: I wasn’t planning on it. I think it’s pretty o8vious to everyone I’ve talked to since I got here that I’m laugha8ly far 8ehind on how Earth is supposed to work!  
VRISKA L.: “Laugha8ly” is kinda hyper8olic, don’t you think?  
VRISKA L.: It seems to me like you’re not giving yourself enough credit for how much you’ve figured out in such little time.  
VRISKA L.: Naturally, the room for improvement is strikingly apparent, which I’m well aware is what you meant, but hey. You’ve acclim8ted pretty quickly thus far, and I’ve got no reason not to expect you to continue doing so.  
VRISKA A.H.: Hm.  
VRISKA A.H.: You know, you’re a8normally ver8ose for five am.  
VRISKA L.: That’s what happens when you grow up a Lalonde.  
VRISKA A.H.: Sure.  
VRISKA L.: Besides, are you saying there are times of day I should 8e reserving for speaking more pleonastically than others? Please. We 8oth know that’s not How It Works.  
VRISKA A.H.: Is that so? Huh! Funny.  
VRISKA A.H.: Hey, I’m gonna go out on a lim8 here, 8ut would you mind helping me out with something?  
VRISKA L.: Um... sure?  
VRISKA A.H.: Could you tell me a8out Vriska Lalonde’s auto-responder?  
VRISKA L.: It seems you’ve asked about Vriska Lalonde’s chat client auto-responder. This is a program designed to simul8 Vriska Lalonde’s otherwise Inimita8ly Dry And Masterfully Sarcastic typing style, tone, cadence, personality, quirks, and substance of retort while she is away from her device. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 98% indistinguisha8le from Vriska’s n8tive neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I pretty much m8de up on the spot to mess with you.  
VRISKA L.: Oh, fuck you.  
VRISKA A.H.: Hey, I 8et you’re gr8 and all, 8ut I’d really rather talk to the ACTUAL Vriska Lalonde.  
VRISKA L.: Of course you would.  
VRISKA L.: Tough luck, though! She’s fast asleep.  
VRISKA L.: Not that I particularly understand why you’d want to talk to an inferior version. I mean hey! We 8oth know you and I are the two 8est Vriskas, right?  
VRISKA L.: Hello?  
VRISKA L.: Are you still there?

Yeah, that’s not a conversation you’re particularly keen on having. That just leaves... well, it’s not like you dislike talking to him or anything. He’s just a little dull at times.

VRISKA: Hey, John. You aw8ke?  
JOHN: awake is a pretty strong word.  
JOHN: what’s up?  
VRISKA: Oh, you know. Can’t really sleep, is all.  
JOHN: oh right! i guess you must be pretty excited about your first day of school, huh?  
VRISKA: Sure.  
VRISKA: Actually, yeah. I am a little excited to finally have some decent level of routine in my life.  
VRISKA: You know, when things are constantly changing all the time it makes me feel really out of pl8ce!  
JOHN: oh, so i guess you still can’t really accept that you belong on earth c?  
JOHN: that’s a shame because everyone’s really happy to finally have you around!  
VRISKA: I know they are! I know *you* are! 8ut let's face it.  
VRISKA: I'm not a part of this world in the same way that you or Rose or mom or any of the others are.  
VRISKA: And 8etween you and me, I think mom cares more a8out the idea of having a kid than the fact that it happens to 8e me.  
JOHN: that doesn’t sound like her at all!  
JOHN: what makes you even think that???  
VRISKA: I don’t know. It just seems so o8vious to me!  
VRISKA: 8ecause I just don’t get how she could 8e happy to have a daughter...  
VRISKA: If it’s me, I guess.  
JOHN: hey i’m sure it’s not like that!!!! :(  
VRISKA: May8e it is, may8e it isn’t! 8ut it’s not exactly like I can just ask her, right?  
JOHN: i guess not...  
JOHN: but i still think you should give her the benefit of the doubt, given all the stuff she’s doing for you.  
VRISKA: If you insist!  
VRISKA: 8ut... still. This isn’t my world. And while I’ve m8de major strides in fitting in, I don’t think I’ll ever 8e a8le to say, “Hey! My name’s Vriska Harley, and I’m from Earth!”  
VRISKA: That just 8n’t gonna happen!  
VRISKA: Honestly, I wish Terezi was here. She was always the one to quickly adapt to new situ8tions.  
VRISKA: She got used to my names quicker than I ever did, that’s for sure!  
JOHN: yeah! everything would be so much better if she was here, right?  
JOHN: she always seemed to know what to do or say or whatever. and i know she would have been overjoyed to see you’re doing okay!  
JOHN: you know, it’s pretty sad that she must have only been in her mid-20’s when she died. she had her whole life ahead of her and everything!  
VRISKA: When she WHAT?  
VRISKA: I’m sorry, John. I think you m8de a pretty awkw8rd typo just now! Could you run th8t 8y me again?  
JOHN: oh i don’t know why i thought you knew that.  
JOHN: yeah uh  
JOHN: terezi died.  
JOHN: a while ago, actually.  
JOHN: if you want, i can prove it to you?  
VRISKA: Yeah, I’d like to see you fucking try.  
JOHN: alright hm  
JOHN: can you meet me here?  
JOHN: there i just sent you a map. that’s where i found out that  
JOHN: well, if you’re right about this, it’s where i didn’t find out anything at all.  
JOHN: no prizes for guessing what the alternative is though, heh...  
JOHN: but i guess if it’s too early we can save it for another time.  
JOHN: or maybe never? i’m cool with that too.  
VRISKA: What? No! I’m already writing a fucking note.  
VRISKA: “Hey mom, just gonna go for a walk to clear my head. After all, I’m pretty nervous a8out today! I’ll 8e 8ack in (...)”  
VRISKA: Hey, how long will this take?  
JOHN: i don’t know. maybe an hour?  
VRISKA: Alright, done! All set.  
VRISKA: Look, I can understand why you’d think I’d hesit8 to take you up on this. After all, finding out that my 8est friend, moirail, and flushed crush fucking died young 8ecause of my negligence is 8ound to 8e confronting, right?  
JOHN: you have a crush on terezi?  
VRISKA: Well, I figure there are two possi8ilities. Either you’re wrong, and she’s still alive, which I’d want to confirm for myself, or you’re right.  
VRISKA: And if you’re right, then it’s my fault. And if it’s my fault, I a8solutely deserve to 8e faced with the consequences of my actions.  
VRISKA: And either way, my curiosity’s gonna get the 8etter of me sooner or l8r!  
JOHN: that makes sense, i guess. even though i don't think it was your fault.  
JOHN: i just don’t want to end up showing you something you don’t want to see.  
VRISKA: It’s fine.  
VRISKA: I’ve seen way worse.

Your finger looms over the send button of that last message, but you pause, delete it, and put your phone away in your pocket.

⁂

JOHN: hey vriska! over here!

John’s led you out into the middle of a dark forest, still untouched by the sun’s rays. You feel overcome by a pang of nostalgia, a yearning for the good old days of getting into fights in places like these, back when you could demolish any sucker bold enough to challenge your ownership of all the levels (all of them!).

VRISKA: Is this what you called me all the way out here for?  
VRISKA: Some shitty old 8eat up car?  
JOHN: it’s not... it’s not shitty. it was my dad’s, and some of my fondest memories of him are from in here. :(  
JOHN: not that that’s really relevant. just...  
JOHN: just look at the back seat.

You open the back door and look in. The floor, the seats, the ceiling, everything is smattered with flecks and splotches of crimson. And there, in the middle of it all, is a messy streak of teal.

You reel, trying to comprehend all the implications of what you’re looking at, but it’s not easy. You feel overwhelmed, and surprisingly light of breath, as if you’d just been struck in the solar plexus. Tears blur your vision. You almost choke struggling to remain upright, and you repeatedly beat your fist against the roof of the car as you strain to compose yourself.

JOHN: i’m sorry vriska.  
JOHN: it’s a lot to take in, i know.  
JOHN: if you need some time to yourself, you can have it. i know you probably don’t like me being here and watching you freak out.  
VRISKA: No........ no, it’s not that. It’s not that at all.  
VRISKA: John...  
VRISKA: This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen! Hahahahahahahaha!  
JOHN: look.  
JOHN: i get that you’re in shock, just try to calm down.  
VRISKA: I’m not in shock! 8elieve me!  
VRISKA: I’m not in shock, 8ecause Terezi’s not dead!  
JOHN: uh...  
JOHN: yes she is? i mean just look at all her blood on the seat!  
VRISKA: Haaaaaaaa! John, please. Please, tell me what you think that is on the 8ack seat of the car.  
JOHN: terezi’s blo- vriska what is your problem??? you should be taking this way more seriously!  
VRISKA: You really don’t get it, do you?  
JOHN: get... what?  
VRISKA: Terezi came in your dad’s car.  
JOHN: yeah, yeah, yeah, i know! she came into my dad’s car, got into some kind of fight, and-  
VRISKA: John.  
VRISKA: John, did I say “into”?  
JOHN: wh...  
JOHN: at...?  
JOHN: you said she came in my- OH.  
JOHN: OH MY GOD????  
JOHN: OH MY FUCKING GOD EWWWW EWWW EWW EWWWW EWW  
VRISKA: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
JOHN: WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!  
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
JOHN: i  
JOHN: i touched that!  
JOHN: when i first saw it i touched it to check if it was...  
JOHN: and now you’re saying...?????  
VRISKA: You TOUCHED it????????  
VRISKA: Ha! Oh my god, this just keeps getting 8etter and 8etter!

John freezes on the spot. His eyes glaze over, and his breathing accelerates. He puts a hand on the roof of the car to keep himself standing.

JOHN: does this mean...?  
JOHN: no, that doesn’t...  
JOHN: but this is my dad’s car! why is it my dad’s car, and why is there a...  
JOHN: hold on, hold on, hold on. vriska?  
VRISKA: Yeah? 8888D  
JOHN: can you tell me what happened here? i can’t... i can’t get my head around it.  
VRISKA: Sure thing, if you insist!  
VRISKA: The red 8lood and the thickness of the skin that this handprint over here implies,

You point to one particular stain at the top of the seat.

VRISKA: Suggest her partner was a human.  
VRISKA: Now that narrows things down somewhat, and wasn’t what I would have otherwise anticip8ed at all, given that this is, like, clearly the aftermath of mind-8lowingly good h8fucking.

This does not seem to put him at ease. If anything, he looks even more jittery and freaked out than before.

JOHN: hey, uh,  
JOHN: okay. okay okay okay. let’s do the math here.  
JOHN: first off terezi’s not dead, which, hmmm! for some reason that doesn’t exactly ease my nerves right fucking now!  
JOHN: crazy, right????? hahahahaha!  
JOHN: (oh my god oh my god...)

He runs a hand through his hair.

JOHN: ok second off! 3 things!  
JOHN: one: terezi pyrope has had sexual intercourse, with a human, in the back of this car.  
JOHN: two: this is the car that used to belong to my dad before he died.  
JOHN: three: terezi was in the furthest ring for a while and obviously that resulted in her temporal and spatial frames of reference getting all weird and disconnected to ours!  
JOHN: vriska.  
JOHN: you don’t- you don’t think...?  
VRISKA: ????????

He grips your shoulders, and his eyes shine with a pure, primal terror.

JOHN: WAS TEREZI MY MOM????

You shove him off, and slap him across the face.

VRISKA: Calm the fuck down! What are you talking a8out? How would that even work????????  
JOHN: i don’t know, i’m just really worried and freaked out right now!!!  
VRISKA: Look, it’s o8viously not your dad, and DEFINITELY neither of your actual ecto8iological progenitors. It’s pro8a8ly someone totally unimportant, who...  
VRISKA: Huh. Actually, hold on a second.

You look back at the handprint, and mentally you flick through all the humans you could possibly see having pitch chemistry with her.

VRISKA: Okay, I have a little 8it of a hunch. Just humor me here.  
VRISKA: Give me your hand.  
JOHN: um... okay?

Reluctantly, John holds out his hand. You grab his wrist and sink your fangs into his palm. He screams in agony and recoils, his cherry-red blood splashing on your cheek.

JOHN: what the fuck was that for??????  
JOHN: what’s gotten into you???  
VRISKA: Hey, it’ll all make sense in a second. Just give me your hand again, I promise I won’t hurt it this time.

He tenses up, as if preparing himself to refuse, but he can’t stop himself from wondering where you’re going with this. So again, he holds out his (now trembling, and profusely bleeding) hand, and with your thumbs, you wipe the blood around until his whole palm is bright red. He furrows his brow at you. You raise yours in turn.

VRISKA: Now go press it next to that other handprint.

He raises an eyebrow, leans in through the car door, and does just that. You hear him gasp in utter horror. When he emerges, he looks like he’s just seen a ghost.

VRISKA: So, was I right?  
JOHN: oh my god.  
VRISKA: I’ll take that as a yes?  
JOHN: oh my god.  
VRISKA: Oh, come on. So you got outplayed 8y what was almost definitely a parallel universe instance of yourself.  
JOHN: oh  
VRISKA: So what? It happens to the 8est of us, you know?  
JOHN: my  
VRISKA: Or at least, to some version or other of the 8est of us.  
JOHN: god.  
VRISKA: Hey, should I just leave you to it? I think the sun’s 8eginning to rise, so I should pro8a8ly get going 8efore mom starts to wonder where I am.

You turn to leave, as he adopts a fetal position leaning against the car door.

VRISKA: Hey, first day of school! Wish me luck!

He whimpers under his breath. Good enough for you!

⁂

When you get back home, blissfully unaware that you had just shattered your uncle’s sole modicum of closure in his confusing and tumultuous life, you cover your cheek with your palm and run to the bathroom. Who knows what mom would think if she smelled John’s blood on you!  
Well, probably nothing worse than the actual truth. But whatever! She doesn’t need to know, right?  
You wash your face as meticulously as you can. Just to be safe, you take a short shower too.  
When you’re done, you quickly throw together an outfit for school (black shirt, blue jeans, okay, done) and head to the kitchen. You can hear mom singing something to herself in there.

JADE: cause everytime we touch i get this feeling  
JADE: and everytime we kiss i swear i could fly  
JADE: cant you feel my-  
VRISKA: Hey, mom.  
JADE: oh hey vriska!

She turns from the stove to face you. You note that she’s wearing black jeans and a red bomber jacket, likely former belongings of Dave. Waste not want not, you suppose. She beams from ear to ear and stretches her arms out for a hug. You raise a hand in objection.

VRISKA: Still not one hundred percent into the whole hugging thing, sorry.  
JADE: no thats fair  
JADE: hey do you like pancakes?  
VRISKA: I... don’t really have enough inform8tion to say for sure.  
JADE: well i guess well find out soon enough!

You take a seat at the dining table. Once breakfast is prepared, she joins you with a stack of discs of batter. You’ve seen them before, of course, but never had the chance to try them for yourself. You take a couple onto your plate and begin eating one.

JADE: so  
JADE: first day of school!!!!  
JADE: how do you feel?

You swallow what’s in your mouth.

VRISKA: I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little nervous!  
VRISKA: I mean, sure, I was usually near the top of the cohort 8ack in the Alternian schoolfeeds, 8ut still! That doesn’t mean I’d 8e particularly good at all that stuff in person, you know?  
JADE: well probably not  
JADE: but it probably means youd pick it up pretty quickly!!!  
VRISKA: Yeah, pro8a8ly’s the key word.  
VRISKA: I mean, I’m already pretty good at liter8ture and math. Those two classes are 8asically locked down!  
VRISKA: I feel like I’m forgetting something, though.  
VRISKA: Oh! Right! My glasses! Did they come last night?  
JADE: oh yeah they did! let me go get them for you!

She leaves the room. Where to, you suppose doesn’t particularly matter. You take this moment to chow down on these fuckin’ pancakes. May as well, right?

They taste a little sweet, and incredibly light and fluffy. You don’t know why you didn’t expect that. As you chew, you doubt these things have a whole lot of nutritional value. In fact, it’s all kind of nothing-y. But somehow, it still leaves you satisfied.

You wonder if it’s possible for something to exist pointlessly for so long, that it develops a point of its own, disconnected from whatever great well of truth, relevance, and/or essentiality it had sprung from. You then wonder if one kind of significance in one narrative thread could be converted into another elsewhere, or even so much as compared. You don’t have the vocabulary to articulate any of this, though.

Then you stop thinking about all this absurd nonsense because your mom walks back in after a couple minutes and hands you your black browline spectacles.

VRISKA: Oh my god, they’re perfect!  
VRISKA: I’m gonna go try them on in the 8athroom. I’ll 8e right 8ack!

You bolt out of your chair and to the bathroom before so much as a word escapes her lips. You’ve honestly been so excited to have the six-pointed astigmatism in your left eye corrected, you’ve barely thought about anything else in the past few days. You look at yourself in the mirror, and slowly, you raise the glasses to your face.

Oh your god.

You lift a hand to softly touch your cheek. Your vision is crystal-clear now, moreso than you ever imagined possible. The dread which hung over you your entire life like a curse has been lifted: no longer is there the slightest bit of obscurity for your pessimistic, self-deprecating, and frankly overly active imagination to dig its claws into! You feel as if, for the first time, you can finally actually *completely* see your own face!

And, uh.

You’re honestly really pretty? Like, you’d expected so much worse! This is incredible!  
Aww, come on, Vriska. Come on. Don’t cry. Pull yourself together, this is your first day of school!

JADE: so how are they?

Mom shuffles into the room cautiously, her phone in a hand held up to chest level. Giggling softly to yourself, you pinch the bridge of your nose beneath the glasses, wiping your eyes dry.

VRISKA: They’re gr8! They’re fucking perfect!  
VRISKA: Are you filming this?  
JADE: what?  
JADE: pfffffft!!!!!!  
JADE: no whatever gave you that idea!!!! :P  
VRISKA: Ha! C’mon, mom, we don’t need to 8e t8king overly sentimental 8a8y videos! I’m sixteen! I’m not a total wiggler!  
JADE: well technically im 413 million years old so youre a wiggler to me!!!!!

You tighten your shoulders nervously and stifle a chuckle.

VRISKA: Moooooooom, you’re em8arrassing me!  
JADE: well that just means im doing my job properly hehe  
VRISKA: Well, if that’s the worst I’m gonna get from you...  
VRISKA: Hey. I 8n’t gonna complain.  
VRISKA: You know...  
VRISKA: You’re the 8est, mom.  
JADE: so are you!!!  
JADE: wow so this is your first day of school huh  
JADE: since i never got the chance to go myself im really really happy for you  
JADE: how do you feel?  
VRISKA: You asked me that question earlier!  
JADE: i know i know im just wondering if you feel any differently now!!!  
VRISKA: I........  
VRISKA: Guess I do, actually. May8e.  
VRISKA: Now I’m honestly pretty excited? Like, this is it. This is my 8ig chance to start over. 8uild a new life. A 8etter life!  
VRISKA: And, well...  
VRISKA: Chance is my forte, after all.  
JADE: wow.......  
JADE: its really amazing that even though youre trying to be a normal teenage girl now you still say some of the coolest stuff ive ever heard!!!!  
VRISKA: Are you kidding? That was so lame!!!!!!!!  
JADE: it was fiiiine!  
JADE: youre fine!!  
JADE: in fact youre better than fine you look great!!!!  
VRISKA: ........

You flash a shy grin. What are you even supposed to say to that?

JADE: hey i think kanaya should be picking you up any minute now! have you got your school bag and everything?  
VRISKA: Oh! Yeah! It’s just up in my room, let me go gra8 it!

Without another word, you hurry off to your room, grab it, strap it over a shoulder, and scamper back downstairs and to the front door. Mom joins you by the door, her phone now returned to her pocket, just as a car pulls up right outside.

JADE: so this is it huh  
JADE: wow can you believe weve only known each other for about a month??  
JADE: it feels a lot longer!!!!!

You wish you could agree. She gives you a peck on the forehead and strokes your short, curly hair when she senses the slightest of upset on your features.

VRISKA: Oh! Sorry, I just got... you know, a little distracted. Thinking a8out the past and dum8 pointless stuff like that.  
JADE: its fine i get it!  
VRISKA: Anyway, I should, like, go.

You open the door and walk halfway through it.

VRISKA: Love you, mom! 8ye!  
JADE: i love you too vriska!!! have a great day!!!!

You close the door behind you and see Kanaya at the wheel of her white car again, with Vris by her side. You note the latter’s wearing a pair of ridiculous-looking triangular shades, and you snicker to yourself. You guess that explains the auto-responder. After all, she did say she inherited a bunch of stuff from... what was his name again?

Eh, it probably doesn’t matter. You can tell you’re gonna have way more important stuff to fret over for a fair while. After all, despite the relieving inconsequence you feel gradually creeping over you the longer you exist here, you can’t shake the feeling that it’s going to be a long day.

⁂

VRISKA: Oh hey, didn’t realize you nerds went here as well.

Vris has taken you to a spot just behind the bushes outside the school’s science department, where she tells you she hangs out every day before and between classes. For not really any reason in particular, though, you weren’t expecting company.

HARRY: yeah vris and i basically hang out back here all the time.  
HARRY: tavros is new here though. he always used to be privately tutored and stuff.  
TAVROS: Hello! It’s rather splendid to see you again, Vriska!  
VRISKA: Oh shit, you can talk normally?  
VRISKA: Well, you can talk in a normal voice.  
TAVROS: Yes, in fact! And let me say what an utter fucking relief it is!  
TAVROS: See, the thing is that I came to realize that I don’t really need to keep pretending to be Gamzee’s long dead boycrush anymore, and that also I think I feel like throwing up after saying that?  
TAVROS: Shucks, buster! What an awful, dreadful piece of work he was. Thanks for... well.  
VRIS: Huh.  
VRIS: Well, actually being an Autonomous Human 8eing who m8kes their own choices definitely suits you. I mean I guess naturally it suits everyone.  
VRIS: You gonna start workshopping a new color on the group chat or anything?  
TAVROS: I don’t think so. In fact, I’m pleased as punch with his aubergine hue!  
TAVROS: From what I hear coloring your text with the blood color of a dead nemesis is an old English family tradition!  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: That's not-  
VRISKA: Well, I guess he was an English...  
VRISKA: Huh.  
VRISKA: ...  
TAVROS: ',:/  
HARRY: so this is it huh?  
HARRY: now that all five of us are in one place it really feels like the gang’s come together!  
VRISKA: Five...?

A low fidelity, synthetic voice emanates from Vris’s shades.

AUTO RESPONDER: Yes, five. You know, the natural number that follows four and precedes six? That five.  
AUTO RESPONDER: Unless, of course, you were forgetting someone. 8ut you don’t seem like the kind of-  
VRISKA: Yeah, I was.

This thing’s a clone of a clone of you. And you know how much you’d hate if someone just tackled your passive-aggression as bluntly as possible.  
Immediately, everyone goes quiet. You have officially made this conversation suck so much. That’s a win in your books!

VRISKA: ...  
VRIS: ...  
HARRY: ...  
AUTO RESPONDER: ...  
TAVROS: ...  
VRISKA: Hey so do-

Suddenly, a door at the back of the building opens. Vris and Harry jump to attention, and pull you and Tavros behind the bushes.

VRISKA: Hey, what’s-  
VRIS: (shhhhhhhh!)  
VRISKA: (What?)  
VRIS: (see that?)

She points to an older human woman, stepping out from the doorway and glancing around nervously.

VRIS: (ms watson. physics teacher. smokes when she thinks nobody’s looking, 8ecause it’s obviously not allowed on school grounds.)  
VRIS: (naturally, i t8ke photos to sell 8ack to her l8r.)  
AUTO RESPONDER: Aaaaaaaand done.  
AUTO RESPONDER: One hundred and sixty-three frames of video in which she’s visibly smoking, twelve of which are entirely unam8iguous. That’s more than enough.  
AUTO RESPONDER: Impeccable timing, too, since the siren will sound in t-  
VRISKA: W8. There’s a siren?

That’s when you first hear that dreadful, horrifying noise. A noise that conjures up memories of neighborhoods ablaze as imperial drones rat out and shoot down anyone and everyone they deem detrimental to the empire.  
You curl up into a ball and begin to sob, your eyes shut as tight as you can manage. You know that sound. You know what it means. Was this - everything since Karkat’s sixth wriggling day - no more than a dream? Did you never leave Alternia? When you open your eyes, will you only see the ashen gray of your respiteblock wall, and the twin lights of pink and green, each casting the shape of your windows upon the floor?

TAVROS: Um... are you alright Vriska?  
TAVROS: You look rather freaked out about something!  
TAVROS: I don’t think anyone’s so violently disconnected their shit from the handle at the call of a siren since Odysseus himself!

You cautiously open seven eyes (okay, so the optometrist called it one eye with pupula heptaplex, but it’ll always be “seven eyes” to you). Everything’s the same as it always is. You’re fine.

You’re fine.

Come on, Vriska. Just breathe. Eight. Sixteen. Twenty-four. Thirty-two.

VRIS: Hey, so that sound means you need to get to class.

Forty. Forty-eight. Fifty-six.

VRIS: You know what you’ve got first?

Sixty-Four. Seventy-two.

VRISKA: Yeah, liter8ture or something.

Eighty. Eighty-eight. There we go.

HARRY: oh uh, actually it’s just called english.  
VRISKA: What, like Tavros?  
HARRY: like the language.  
VRISKA: There’s a language called English?  
HARRY: we’re... speaking it right now.  
VRISKA: What the f-  
HARRY: hey, let me show you where the classroom is.

⁂

Your first two classes go swimmingly. Probably because you’re absolutely amazing at everything? Well, gym class doesn’t go over as perfectly as you’d hoped: the special uniform you have to wear for it makes it hard to hide your wings (not that you’d mind everyone around you knowing you were a goddess, but mom has other ideas...) and you have to, uh, change clothes. Around other girls. You know, cis girls. Where they can see you. So that’s kind of a fucking nightmare!

To make matters worse there’s that damn siren. Every time it sounds, it takes every ounce of strength you have not to run and duck for cover. And you suspect other people are beginning to pick up on it - in fact, you can *feel* them judging you every single time you slip up and fall out of line with their totally incomprehensible status quo. You like to think you do a pretty good job of acting as if you’re too cool to notice them, though.

And then comes history class. You sit in the back - the perfect vantage point - and silently judge your classmates, but your teacher is hauntingly wary of you. The feeling’s mutual, motherfucker.

You nudge Harry, who’s sitting next to you despite his obvious discomfort.

VRISKA: (Pst. Harry.)  
VRISKA: (What’s this guy’s deal?)  
HARRY: wh- uh,  
HARRY: (wait, who?)  
VRISKA: (The teaching guy! Why does he keep looking at me like that?)  
HARRY: (oh! probably because he’s asked you like half a dozen basic questions and you’ve got all of them wrong?)  
HARRY: (i mean i guess if he knew your circumstances he’d probably be a lot more forgiving and stuff but also that would cause a whole load more problems right?)  
VRISKA: (Apparently!)  
??????: Harry. Vriska.  
??????: You’re paying attention to all this, yes?  
??????: Or is there something more important on your minds right now? If it’s so significant, maybe you could do us all a favor and let the class in on your thoughts.  
HARRY: right.  
HARRY: of course.  
HARRY: sorry sir. it won’t happen again.  
VRISKA: Wait, wh-  
HARRY: (c’mon vriska. work with me here.)  
VRISKA: (Ugh. Fiiiiiiiine.)  
VRISKA: Sure. I won’t disrupt your class a second time.

He seems satisfied enough with that as an answer. When he turns to the whiteboard, though, you glare daggers into his back. Fuck this guy, you decide.  
Some other bastards glance back at you and giggle and stuff, though. And that’s very quickly pissing you off, to say the least.

Eight. Sixteen. Twenty-four. Thirty-two.

Not to mention making you horribly self-conscious. God, what is their problem????????

Forty. Forty-eight. Fifty-six. Sixty-four.

One day here, and already your reputation has been probably irreparably ruined, right? Come on, Vriska. Think about this! What are you doing wrong? What’s making you stand out????????

Seventy-two. Eighty. Eighty-eight. Ninety-six.

One human girl snickers at you and tosses a wad of paper directly at your face. What the fuck? You silently demand as you snatch it out of the air with one hand.

One hundred and four. One hundred and twelve.

You pull the scrunched sheet open. “Turn to page 279”, it insists.

Two hundred and seventy-nine. Two hundred and seventy-nine. Two hundred and seventy-nine.

You turn the number over and over in your mind as you thumb through your history textbook. Is this some in-joke they’re letting you in on? Oh, this better be worth it.

Two hundred and seventy-nine. Two hundred and seventy-nine. Two hundred and seventy-nine.

It takes you a moment to find it - after all, it’s a long way ahead from your current position in the tome - but you do reach it soon enough. Let’s see here. What’s the big deal? What’s all the hype about? The only thing here is a couple of paragraphs about-

...

Zero.

⁂

??????: Well, Ms. Harley.  
??????: I do hope you’re pleased with yourself.

So this is fucking it, huh. This is the height of stupidity, if anyone were to ask you. But nobody seems to care? Apparently eighteen is the minimum age required for you to have respectable opinions here in this weirdo alien society. Just when you thought you were fitting in, too!

You’ve wound up in the principal’s office, ice pack soothing a pretty fucking nasty black eye and gash on your lip. As if any of what just happened was your fault!

VRISKA: I wouldn’t say that.  
VRISKA: 8ut you’re not too far off.  
??????: *sigh*  
??????: Four of your classmates have been hospitalized because of you. Do you understand that?  
??????: As it stands, you’re facing two weeks of suspension at the very least. Not what I’d call particularly promising for your first day, hm?  
VRISKA: This is all 8ullshit. I know I’m in the right...  
??????: E- excuse me?!

Not making eye contact, you slam your textbook down on his desk and crack it open to page 279.

History has remembered a great many things, but it does not recall the name “Vriska Serket” with any fondness. To the scholars of this world, the Thief of Light was a tyrant and a killer, and nothing more.

??????: I’m, err... are you trying to make some kind of case?  
??????: I’m afraid I don’t follow.

That’s fine by you. You can make him understand.

You jump to your feet, throw your arms out to your sides and lift your chin. Your chest begins to glow with brilliant golden light, flooding the office and reducing your current outfit to pure metaphysical noise, and from the noise it reconstitutes, forges itself into new shapes. Your hair (what little you’ve begun to grow back) blows on a wind of invisible origin, billowing up into a cloud behind your head. When this orange shirt, whose insignia proclaims you as a deity fits itself to your form, its hem flies on the same wind and you feel as if you are floating.

Then come baggy orange pants, which compliment your figure like little else ever seems to. At their ends form two heavy scarlet boots, and your stance seems all the more steadfast and unwavering for it. Your amber hood throws itself up over your horns the moment it comes to be, keeping your hair well out of the way as two cobalt-blue wings sprout from behind your shoulder blades, arc outwards, and come to rest pointing directly behind you. You click your neck from one side to the other, and at last, you meet his eye. You can tell he’s far too afraid to look away.

VRISKA: Unnecessarily flashy, may8e, 8ut I think I’ve m8de my point.

Meekly, he nods.

VRISKA: Let me ask you a simple question.  
VRISKA: Do you think it’s okay to have texts required 8y your curriculum that single out a student like this?

He pauses, as if genuinely unsure what to say.

VRISKA: Think very carefully a8out your answer.  
??????: Well, ordering a new edition of every history textbook just to accommodate one student seems a little extr-  
VRISKA: Did you read the shit they wrote a8out me in there????????  
??????: Well it’s not as if you didn’t do all-  
VRISKA: I was fucking twelve, thirteen years old! When I was growing up, they told me I needed to do all those awful things, that I needed to kill all those people, or else it would have 8een my chug column on the chopping 8lock!  
VRISKA: Are you really okay with endorsing and promoting historians that vilify me for not fucking dying? Are you fine with these people m8king that first impression of me on every student that t8kes that 8ullshit class????????

You slam your fist down on his desk. He jumps.

VRISKA: You really 8elieve everything written in here, huh?  
??????: Y- Y- I mean-  
VRISKA: Alright, fine. You think I’d have 8een 8etter off dead?  
??????: I never said-  
VRISKA: Alright then, tough guy. You here8y have my cordial invit8tion to do the jo8 yourself.  
??????: I... what?  
VRISKA: I 8et you can’t 8ring yourself to do it, huh? Can’t kill one of your own students, no matter how much you clearly h8 her????????  
VRISKA: You won't even do me at least just this one favor and end my life like you want to, you fucking coward?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
??????: Ms Harley, please sit down.  
??????: I hate to seem unreasonable but... well, I don’t think I have much of a choice here, do I?  
??????: You see I’m just not sure this school is the right environment for a student of your...  
??????: Your...

He’s somehow become even *more* nervous. He’s properly sweating bullets at this point, and furiously dabbing his forehead with a handkerchief.

??????: Hello, Mrs, uh,  
JADE: please.  
JADE: call me jade.  
JADE: vriska please put your godhood away you know how i feel about you showing it off in public

Whoa, when the fuck did mom get here? You step to the side to let her take a seat, and you silently note to yourself that her hands are in her pockets.

JADE: dont worry about filling me in on all the stuff you said so far by the way  
JADE: i heard everything  
JADE: mr  
JADE: uhh  
??????: Xyriss.  
JADE: mr xyriss i dont like your attitude on this at all!!!  
JADE: can you imagine what it would feel like if it was your kid in vriskas place?????  
JADE: whats more can you imagine trying to raise a teenager who was made to do all this stuff when she was just a little kid and try to give her a normal life so she can recover from it all????  
JADE: and then all of a sudden you find out shes forced to relive it all and get exposed to all her classmates??????? in a situation like that i dont even blame her for beating up all those people who picked on her for it!!!!!

Mr. Xyriss doesn’t answer that.

JADE: ok at least answer this  
JADE: vriska isnt the problem here  
JADE: you are  
JADE: got that?

He swallows and nods.

JADE: and youre gonna stop using this textbook in your classes and youre gonna let vriska stay in your school  
JADE: understood???

He hesitates for a second. You sulk. The damage has already been done, right? This isn’t going to undo everyone’s perception of you. Still, though, he nods again.

JADE: awesome  
JADE: now if you dont mind im supposed to be taking her to a therapy session right about now  
JADE: after what just happened i imagine shell have a lot to talk about!!!!  
JADE: cmon vriska lets go

She leaves, ears down and fangs bared, turning with enough fury to knock her chair straight over. You blink, poke your tongue out at a very defeated-looking Mr. Xyriss, and follow your mother.

On your way out, you notice a small portrait of the Mayor hanging on the corridor wall. You give him a curt little nod and mumble under your breath.

VRISKA: Hey, man.  
VRISKA: I never really got around to saying thanks, huh?  
VRISKA: I’m gonna 8e honest. Not a fan of the fact that I’ll never 8e a8le to repay you fo-  
JADE: hey vriska!!!  
VRISKA: Coming, mom!!!!!!!!

⁂

JADE: so

Mom offers, as she hands you a plate with lamb curry and rice (although neither part of the meal touches the other, as per your insistence). She takes a seat next to you on the couch and looks over at the TV, playing some shitty sitcom or other.

JADE: how was therapy  
VRISKA: I don’t wanna talk a8out it.  
JADE: oh  
JADE: sorry :(

That’s all? You expected a little pushback or something. But no, she’s straight-up done with that train of thought. God dammit, why can’t she pay more attention to you?  
Wow. That sounds... hm.  
Your lusus was right about one thing, you suppose: you really are a total attention wh-

VRISKA: Alright, I guess I should tell you.  
VRISKA: She said I have depression.  
VRISKA: 8ut, like,  
VRISKA: Of a severe variety.  
JADE: oh  
JADE: thats  
JADE: im sorry to hear that  
JADE: but honestly i pretty much suspected that was the case

So did you.

VRISKA: It’s total 8ullshit, though! It’s just not fair that someone can 8e like me, and do all the awesome, amazing things I did, and still end up 8eing a total ret-  
VRISKA: 8eing “mentally ill”.  
VRISKA: Eugh, it even feels gross to call myself that.  
VRISKA: Fuck. Sorry a8out the R word, too. Force of ha8it, you know?  
JADE: its fine!!!!!! youre learning and thats what counts!  
JADE: still though  
JADE: i really wanna help you through this  
JADE: if you ever need or even want anything from me all youve gotta do is ask  
VRISKA: For real?  
VRISKA: Yikes. I don’t want you to spoil me or anything!  
JADE: after everything youve dealt with i dont think spoiling you is even a risk heheh  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: I guess you’re right.  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: It’s not fair.  
JADE: i know

She wraps an arm around your shoulder and gently tugs you closer.

JADE: i know it isnt  
JADE: but i dont think youre a broken person or anything like that  
VRISKA: I never said I was.  
JADE: i can tell you were thinking it though  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: .  
JADE: its ok  
JADE: you dont really need to say anything

You bite your lip and nod.

VRISKA: On another note... it looks like I actually *do* have posttraumatic stress disorder.  
VRISKA: Well, it’s “highly likely”, at least. So that fucking 8lows.  
VRISKA: John tried to explain what it was like to me the other day, 8ut I think he kind of sucks at explaining things?  
VRISKA: 8ecause the therapist just keeps descri8ing it to me, and it’s like, “Oh shit, I have all of these symptoms!”  
JADE: oh no thats terrible!!!  
JADE: what kind of symptoms  
VRISKA: Oh, you know. “8ehavioral” stuff or whatever. Nothing you haven’t seen me do.  
VRISKA: Or... told me off for, actually.  
JADE: :(  
VRISKA: Stuff like... like how I tend to isol8 myself sometimes, or how I might get super defensive a8out really mund8ne shit.  
VRISKA: Or... how I have trou8le sleeping, or how I 8l8me myself for some really awful shit that happened to me, or how I get really angry at the drop of a hat.

You don’t mention the memory loss. You can hardly bring yourself to accept that you’ve experienced things so traumatic that you can’t even remember them. Like the time you ████ █████ ██ ███ ███████, or that other time where ██ ██████ ███ and your lusus ████ ███ ██ ██████.

VRISKA: I mean I...  
VRISKA: Guess I always knew I had these qualities, 8ut I always saw them as just that.  
VRISKA: Qualities. My personality. Just the way I am.  
VRISKA: Never... you know, a pro8lem.  
VRISKA: I just thought they were as much a part of me as anything else.  
VRISKA: 8ut the thing is, it’s grown roots so deep into me, I’m worried that it might 8e holding me together at this point. That I’ll just crumble and fall apart when I weed it out.  
VRISKA: Hmph.  
VRISKA: That’s pretty goddamn sad, huh?  
VRISKA: I don’t know who I’d 8e without... without this trauma, or whatever it is.

Mom sniffles and rubs your shoulder, but the words she’s looking for escape her. Maybe they don’t even exist.

VRISKA: I mean, hey. I’m still reluctant to 8elieve it all, actually!  
VRISKA: Not just 8ecause of the... iatropho8ia? I think that’s the word.  
VRISKA: She’s actually super cool and accommod8ing a8out that, as it happens. She wanted to ensure that I was, like, totally comforta8le and all that sappy soft shit before we started, haha!  
VRISKA: She even g8ve me a cute little stuffed lusus to hold onto and everything!  
JADE: oh hehe thats so nice  
JADE: what was it?  
VRISKA: You know what a claw8east is?  
JADE: ..........  
JADE: that sounds like it could be anything

Huh. Well then, how do you explain a clawbeast? You... don’t. That’s just, like, what it is. A clawbeast is a clawbeast, nothing more, nothing less.  
Whatever. You’re getting off track.

VRISKA: Look, my point is... I just thought the worst was over. I thought I’d dealt with- I thought I’d overcome it all already!  
VRISKA: 8ecause if it’s all still gonna haunt me, why did I come all this way?  
VRISKA: Why did I have all my amazing adventures and stuff if I can’t put everything I was running from 8ehind me?

Mom pauses for a second, and kisses you on the forehead.

JADE: thats a good question  
JADE: but youre a smart girl so im sure youll figure it out someday  
JADE: when you get to my age  
JADE: i mean specifically jades age although i guess theoretically you could live to becs too? :O  
JADE: a lot of the really confusing stuff you couldnt figure out when you were younger suddenly makes way more sense!  
JADE: when i was a teenager i always felt like i had trouble remembering stuff  
JADE: and without a waking self who always kept track of everything and  
JADE: um  
JADE: without john and davesprite to stop me from spiralling into the worst depression ive ever had :( :( :(  
JADE: my memory just stopped working  
JADE: and it didnt help that for 3 years every day felt the same as every other day  
JADE: i couldnt remember anything anymore  
JADE: i couldnt remember any of daves old music or the way roses voice sounded or how john looked without his glasses or where the golden ship was taking me or anything like that!!!!!!!  
JADE: but now i get it  
JADE: now i get how my brain works and why i felt that way and i know how to stop it from ever happening again!  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: 8ut it wasn’t worth it, was it?  
JADE: you mean  
JADE: spending all that time alone?  
VRISKA: Yeah. You didn’t gain anything in the end, huh? Just kinda stopped yourself from sliding any further 8ackwards.  
JADE: .....  
VRISKA: That’s why you don’t talk to John anymore, huh?  
JADE: .......  
VRISKA: Wow, I didn’t realise you h8ted him so much.  
JADE: its not that i hate him its just  
JADE: well he spent a long time isolating himself away from everyone-  
VRISKA: For twenty years.  
VRISKA: I know, he told me.  
JADE: oh  
JADE: right  
JADE: well i just figured that i was really jealous and angry that unlike me he actually had the chance to get out there and talk to everyone!!!!!  
JADE: and i wasnt afraid to tell him how i felt about it all!  
JADE: eventually he just kinda  
JADE: snapped  
JADE: and yelled back at me  
JADE: i cant remember what he said exactly but since then things have always been really really shaky between us  
JADE: :(  
VRISKA: ::::(  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: You know if you wanna talk to him again, I can, like, make that happen.  
JADE: really  
JADE: youd do that for me????  
VRISKA: Would you want it?  
JADE: im  
JADE: not sure!  
JADE: i mean i guess it could be nice.........  
VRISKA: Exactly! That’s why I’m gonna do it!  
JADE: ...thanks :’D

She hugs you to her chest. You make a weird little snarling sound with the back of your throat (a habit, you’re pretty sure, that you’d picked up from her) and push back. She lets go and recoils as quickly as she can, and you cross your arms defensively.

VRISKA: ...  
JADE: oh  
JADE: sor-  
VRISKA: Sorry.  
JADE: -ry  
VRISKA: I just thought I was over-  
JADE: i just thought you were fine-  
VRISKA: -all that shit a8out 8eing hugged.  
JADE: -with me hugging you now  
JADE: wait  
JADE: you go first  
VRISKA: Right.  
VRISKA: I think it just... comes and goes. Like, it’s o8viously a super situ8tional thing.  
VRISKA: Sometimes it’s, you know, kinda nice. I guess.  
VRISKA: Other times, it’s fucking nightmare fuel.

It doesn’t help, you suppose, that her arms are so covered in thick, scratchy hair, or that those nails often seem to resemble claws, or that her two long, pointed fangs protrude like that, or that those big, round glasses resemble two huge, staring eyes. It doesn’t help that you imagine the familiar shapes and patterns of a life you thought you once understood over this new one.

You wonder if She could ever have been like mom, under different circumstances.

But you guess it doesn’t matter, does it? You’re here with mom now, and that’s that.

VRISKA: Hey, you mind if I check for anything else on any other channel right now?  
VRISKA: You know, like, 8etter than this?  
JADE: sure thing!!!  
JADE: do you know if anything good is on right now?  
VRISKA: Let’s find out!

⁂

Three weeks later, and by extension, three weeks further adjusted to the rhythm of life with school, you still find yourself flinching everytime the siren’s scream fills your ears. But at least now you kind of understand why it puts you on edge so much.  
You’re hurriedly packing your textbooks away in your bag, your “evacuation” sense still on full alert, and when you feel someone tap on your shoulder you shout a single short, incomprehensible syllable, like a sorcerer trying to brute force a spell that’s slipped their mind completely.

TAVROS: Wow jeez Vriska! I didn’t mean to give you a fright!  
VRISKA: It’s cool. It’s fine! Just...  
VRISKA: Just step off for a second, alright? Can’t you see I was 8usy?  
TAVROS: Oh, err... should I leave you to it, then?  
VRISKA: No, like I said. It’s fine. I’m done now.  
VRISKA: What was it you wanted to tell me?  
TAVROS: Ah, it’s nothing important. It’s just-  
VRISKA: Alright. 8ye.  
TAVROS: No no no no wait!  
TAVROS: I just wanted to say that you seemed *rather upset* about your test score today and-

You sling your bag over your shoulder.

VRISKA: It’s nothing. At least none of your 8usiness anyway.  
VRISKA: See ya around.

You trudge off, gripping your bag strap. Who does this asshole think he is, picking at a sore spot like that?  
He half-runs after you, trying to catch up. God! Can he just, like, leave you alone????????

TAVROS: Wait! Vriska! Please come back!

You scowl at him out of the corner of your eye.

TAVROS: All I wanted to tell you was that the four of us-  
TAVROS: You know. Me, Harry, Vris, and... errrr-  
VRISKA: Go on.  
TAVROS: The bunch of us tend to hang out together to study for tests and the like! So... if you’d like to join...

He twirls a finger absentmindedly through a lock of his jet-black hair.

VRISKA: Thanks, 8ut I don’t tend to work so well in groups. You know?  
VRISKA: Well, I stay high and dry. The groups themselves? Noooooooot so much.  
TAVROS: Oh come now Vriska, don’t be like that!  
TAVROS: I mean we already have two Vriskas among our numbers! What harm could a third possibly bring?  
VRISKA: ...I guess that m8kes sense!  
TAVROS: Wonderful, I’m so glad to hear it!  
TAVROS: That aside, I think I’d best be off right about now. Dad’s probably waiting for me outside, you see.  
VRISKA: Yeah, alright. Guess I’ll se-

Before you can even finish that thought, he very loudly and deliberately blows a kiss past either side of your head.

VRISKA: What did you just...?  
TAVROS: Oh, err, nothing really. It’s just a way some people say goodbye to each other is all.  
VRISKA: ...Huh.  
TAVROS: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
TAVROS: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
TAVROS: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
TAVROS: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
TAVROS: I-  
VRISKA: Hey, I’m gonna go now.  
TAVROS: Good call, heh. Me too.

The two of you then turn and leave.

In the same direction.

TAVROS: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
TAVROS: Hm.  
VRISKA: Hmmmmmmmm?  
TAVROS: Do you salute that portrait of the Mayor every single time you pass it?  
VRISKA: Hey, he deserves it.  
TAVROS: Ah, yes. I suppose he was a pretty influential man, no?

It’s crazy that nobody here *actually knows* the Mayor. They certainly don’t know what he did for you.

_You sniff back a few tears and sink further into the communal living space bean bag. As you loosen your vice on his ebony-shelled claw, he tightens his own. You wipe your eyes with your free hand and smile up at him. He looks back down at you with worry spelled out clearly on his features._

_VRISKA: It’s fine, 8elieve me. I’m okay now._

_He hesitates for a second, his mouth hanging open as he searches desperately for something to say, some words with which he might object, but they fail him. If you say you’re alright, that’s good enough for him. He lets go of your hand, but he stays right by your side._

_VRISKA: Look, you’re not my fucking moirail or whatever. You don’t need to stick around and talk me out of doing something stupid when I inevita8ly get mad a8out it all._

_He doesn’t leave, though._

VRISKA: Yeah, I guess he was.  
TAVROS: ...Are you quite alri-  
VRISKA: Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry a8out me, honestly!  
TAVROS: Well, if you say so.

He shrugs and sticks his hands in his pockets. The two of you step out of the building and into the warm autumn air.  
Autumn, you think to yourself, a season of change. The harsh burning of the sun’s light like the soul-piercing stare of a viewer looking upon your world - upon its people as if they were performers in a cruel, twisted tragedy - gives way to the quiet stillness of the colder months. At the same time, you feel cast out by the world as it delves deeper into its insignificant, apocryphal existence, its vivid ambers and scarlets and blood oranges and yellows perfectly opposing the washed-out deep blue that tints your own h-

TAVROS: Oh hey, Dad’s over there. So... I will see you... around...?  
VRISKA: Sure.  
TAVROS: Alright then! Bon voyage, Ms. Harley!  
VRISKA: Au revoir, English!

With that, he skips back into his half-jog over to where you can only assume his father is waiting for him. You look around for mom, too, and- oh hey! There she is, but she hasn’t spotted you yet. You call out to her and stroll over.

JADE: hey vriska!!!! :D  
VRISKA: Wow. You’re in high spirits, huh?  
VRISKA: What’s the occasion?  
JADE: oh nothing i was just kinda thinking hey why dont we go and have a picnic in a park somewhere? i mean its a really nice day today after all!!!  
JADE: what do you think?  
VRISKA: Yeah, I can get 8ehind that.

⁂

VRISKA: You know,

You mumble, staring up at the clouds in much the same fashion that you had when you first arrived here,

VRISKA: I think... I think I’m happy.  
JADE: what do you mean? :O  
VRISKA: I mean, o8viously not everything is perfect. Or even alright.

Like Terezi, for one (but you’re so glad that she looks to be doing... let’s just leave it at “very well”).

VRISKA: And there’s the depression, too, which is something I really have to get 8etter at fighting.  
VRISKA: 8ut ultim8ly? I think I’ve got a pretty sweet life here, and friends and family who really care a8out me.  
VRISKA: And like I said, yeah. It 8n’t perfect. 8ut it is paradise, in its own weird, fucked up way.  
JADE: :D im so glad you think so  
VRISKA: Hey, you’ve done more for me than anyone else, so you really have yourself to thank for that one.  
JADE: well in that case  
JADE: im still going to thank you anyway for making my universe exist in the first place!  
VRISKA: *And* making this planet!  
JADE: heheheh yeah and making this planet!!!!  
VRISKA: So.  
VRISKA: Do you think this whole picnic thing is something we can do more often?  
VRISKA: Or, hey, may8e something I can figure out on my own to do with my friends.  
VRISKA: I just think it’s cool.

She shrugs.

JADE: i dont see why not

You sit up and crack a smile.

VRISKA: Awesome!  
VRI-

Over there, about fifty feet away, there’s a man standing beneath a tree. The collar of his coat is up high enough, and the brow of his hat is down low enough to hide his face, but you already know who he is.

JADE: oh hey since your seventeenth birthday is gonna be coming up soon is there anything you wanted??  
JADE: vriska?  
JADE: vriska???  
VRISKA: Oh! Right, uh...

You look back at your mother, and then back at Da- Oh, he’s fucking vanished again! What the fuck is his deal? Just who does he think he is, spying on you like that????????

JADE: im just thinking about that time we were at that second hand store and you barely got anything  
JADE: you dropped everything you were doing when i said i was ready to go and left it at that  
VRISKA: I don’t really remem8er that? 8ut I mean, it sounds like something I would have done!  
VRISKA: That aside, though... damn. Good question. What *do* I want?

Terezi.

VRISKA: May8e some music or something.  
VRISKA: Oh! Actually... there was a shirt I thought looked really gr8.  
VRISKA: It was a checkered 8lack and red 8utton-up flannel kind of thing.  
JADE: :O  
JADE: red huh  
VRISKA: It’s the favorite color of some8ody I’ll always remem8er very fondly. Let’s leave it at that.  
JADE: oh i see  
JADE: well i can definitely relate to that!!!!  
JADE: wow  
JADE: youre growing up really fast huh  
JADE: youre gonna be 17 in just a few weeks!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Haha, moooooooom! You’ve only known me for a little over that long!  
JADE: i know i know but still my little girl is-  
VRISKA: Don’t call me that.  
JADE: oh  
JADE: sorry  
JADE: did your lusus...?  
VRISKA: Nah. She never called me a girl, remem8er?  
JADE: yeah thats what i thought!!!  
JADE: but if she didnt who did?  
VRISKA: Oh, you wouldn’t know him.  
VRISKA: At least, I’m assuming you wouldn’t. First Guardians aren’t all automatically cognizant of one another’s existence, right?  
JADE: oh!!!  
JADE: ICK!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: “Ick” is right!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Not that it matters, though. The therapist is helping me, like, try to forget a8out people like him.  
JADE: .....  
JADE: would you like it if we talked about something else  
VRISKA: God, please.  
JADE: alright!!  
JADE: um......  
JADE: have you.........  
JADE: got your math test back yet?  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: No.

You can’t even meet her eye now, partially out of shame, but partially because you’re not even fucking worth her eye contact.

JADE: :( what score did you get on it  
VRISKA: I just told you I-  
JADE: its ok vriska a first test score is nothing to be ashamed of no matter how bad it is!  
VRISKA: FINE!  
VRISKA: ...

_SPIDERMOM: Tell me, Carius._  
_SPIDERMOM: How goes your schoolfeeding?_  
_SPIDERMOM: Given your propensity to waste your time with pointless hobbies and associate with erythrocytic hues whose lifespans can be tracked on a calendar, I’ll admit I’ve come to long for a sign that my charge isn’t completely pandead._  
_ATRAXI: Oh, don’t even worry a8out it! I had a test just last night that I did really well on, as a matter of fact._  
_SPIDERMOM: Oh! Well, for once, I’m pleasantly surprised. What was your score?_

VRISKA: If you really wanna know...  
VRISKA: I got 89%.

_SPIDERMOM: Hm._  
_SPIDERMOM: I see._  
_ATRAXI: Yeah! Isn’t it gr8?_  
_SPIDERMOM: Mhm. Sure._  
_SPIDERMOM: Enlighten me, then: what happened to the other eleven percent?_  
_ATRAXI: I-_  
_SPIDERMOM: Actually, don’t answer that. I’m not sure that I’d be able to survive the secondhand embarrassment of watching you stumble over your words trying to justify eleven entire failures. Dismissed._  
_ATRAXI: 8ut-!_  
_SPIDERMOM: Dismissed._

JADE: 89%????? :O  
VRISKA: Ugh, yeah. I know, it’s-  
JADE: thats amazing!!!  
JADE: vriska im so proud of you!!!!!  
VRISKA: You...?  
VRISKA: Oh-  
VRISKA: Oh god-  
JADE: oh no did i say something wrong?????  
JADE: vriska youre cryi-  
VRISKA: I’m!  
VRISKA: I’m fine!

You practically tackle her, hugging her as tightly as you can.

VRISKA: No8ody’s ever told me that 8efore.  
VRISKA: I never... I never could have imagined how much I needed to hear that some8ody’s proud of me...  
JADE: :(  
JADE: well in that case i want you to do something for me ok?  
VRISKA: S- sure. Anything.

You sit back up and wipe your eyes with your sleeve.

JADE: every time you feel like youre stupid or weak or inadequate or anything bad like that i want you to remind yourself that no matter what i will always be proud of you  
JADE: because you always push yourself to do the best you can do  
JADE: and its only natural that despite your amazing effort youre gonna fall short of where you wanna be sometimes  
JADE: and whenever that happens just remember its ok!!!! its not the end of the world!!!!!  
JADE: not that the end of the world ever turned out to be a big deal hehehehe

You can’t help but chuckle a little at that.

JADE: my point is  
JADE: like you said before youre not perfect  
JADE: and yeah sure that means youve suffered pointlessly for a lot of things  
JADE: but that suffering isnt something you have to perpetuate  
JADE: its ok to say that you are you and thats good enough  
JADE: because i know i wouldnt want you to be anything else!!!  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: *snif*  
JADE: do you think you can do that for me?

You nod.

JADE: im glad  
JADE: after all i dont think i could ask for anything more

⁂

HARRY: hey vriska! happy birthday!

Harry declares, as he trudges in through the front door of your house, his father and cousin both in tow.

VRISKA: Heyyyyyyyy! I’m glad you could make it!  
VRISKA: You guys didn’t get caught up in the rain or anything, right?

You give him a one-armed hug around the shoulder with enough strength to force a tiny “eep!” out of him.

HARRY: no its fine... its never really a problem when your dad is, like, god of the storm.  
JOHN: to be fair it’s not that easy to drive and control the weather at the same time.  
JOHN: but i guess your old man isn’t totally helpless right? heheh!  
VRISKA: John, would it kill you to go 8e lame somewhere else?  
JOHN: oh uh.....  
JOHN: if you insi-  
VRISKA: I do.

He stares at you warily, before gulping and making himself scarce. You hope your plan to get him talking to Jade again works, sure, but you wouldn’t be totally astonished if it didn’t.  
Him out of the way, though, you lead the other two into the living room, where your Lalondian and electronic counterparts have already made themselves comfortable.

VRIS: Hey guys! What’s happening?  
TAVROS: Hi Vris! Hello, errr... Vris!  
HARRY: hey guys!  
AUTO RESPONDER: Actually, I’m going 8y “Li’l Sal” now. Tell all your pals!  
VRIS: Wh-  
HARRY: you-  
TAVROS: Erm-  
LI’L SAL: Hey, I can choose my own name, right?  
VRIS: I mean, sure, it’s just...  
TAVROS: It’s, um... it certainly is... a name.  
LI’L SAL: It’s a reference, you dunkasses.  
LI’L SAL: God, have none of you read 2010: Odyssey Two?  
LI’L SAL: And to think I call you uncultured clowns my friends.  
VRISKA: You call us your friends?  
LI’L SAL: Is that not what we are?  
VRISKA: I don’t know, sure. Why not.

You hear shouting coming from the kitchen.

VRISKA: Hey, could we all just kinda hold on a second?  
HARRY: sure, is... everything ok?  
VRISKA: Ideally, it should 8e!  
HARRY: that’s not-

Executing a flawless LASS SCAMPER, you scurry out of the room and into the...

Oh god.

JOHN: jade... please......  
JOHN: put me d- *ack!* put me down.....  
JOHN: you’re... better than this....... i know you are....  
JADE: am i? am i really?  
JADE: are you sure you don’t just have me mixed up with the “real” jade???  
JADE: remind me  
JADE: how many people am i supposed to watch die before im the real version of me?????? what do i need to do to be the sister you actually cared about????????  
VRISKA: Mom, what’s...  
VRISKA: What’s going on here????????  
JADE: oh um!!!  
JADE: hey vriska! shouldnt you be talking with your friends or something?  
VRISKA: I don’t know, shouldn’t you 8e not strangling your own 8rother to death????????  
JADE: its not what it looks-  
VRISKA: Put him down.  
JADE: oh wow who the fuck put you in charge here?????  
VRISKA: Mom, don’t do this. Please, just...  
JADE: mom knows what shes doing vriska dont think that i-  
VRISKA: You know who you sound a lot like right now?

A spark of realization shines in her eyes. Promptly, she lets her brother go. He slumps to the floor, gasping for air.

JADE: o-  
JADE: oh god did i just...?  
JADE: john are you ok????? im sorry im sorry im so sorry i-

She embraces him as tightly as she can, and beckons you over into the hug too. You comply.

JADE: can you breathe????  
JOHN: hahahah... yep. all fine in the respiratory department.  
JADE: oh phew as long as i didnt hurt you  
JOHN: no you...  
JOHN: *wheeze*  
JOHN: you definitely hurt me.  
JOHN: but it’s ok because i guess i must have hurt you too, right?  
JOHN: just because i didn’t do anything physically..... doesn’t mean i didn’t hurt you. or something.

Hm.

Come to think of it, that’s something you’d been pondering a lot lately.

You never really... accepted, you guess, the fact that mental or emotional pain could be something comparable to physical pain. Is that because you thought doing so would somehow invalidate all the times you’ve been left beaten and bruised and ███████, or can you just... not accept that you’d been left with wounds that ran deeper than your body does?

Either way, you’re overcome with the desire to apologize to a lot of people who died a long, long time ago.

JADE: i guess as attempts to bring a family together go this one didnt really land huh  
JADE: sorry for such a shitty birthday vriska :(  
VRISKA: Hah! Don’t even sweat it. This is already one of the gr8est anniversaries of my genesis, if I’m honest.  
JOHN: oh shit that reminds me!!!  
JOHN: i got you a little something for your birthday.

He checks his hoodie pocket, then his pants pockets, then his strife deck, curses to himself, rifles through his array modus, then his wallet modus, and then his face lights up.

JOHN: here!  
JOHN: sorry i didn’t wrap it, but nobody told me it was your birthday until this morning.  
VRISKA: A dream journal?  
JOHN: yeah!!! didn’t you say you were having trouble remembering your dreams, but you also thought that they might be super important?  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Yeah, that’s true. So I guess one of these would come in handy...  
JADE: oh wow yeah you could get a lot of use out of it!!!  
JADE: i for one think remembering your dreams is really important! you never know when they might be telling you something you need to know!  
VRISKA: (Yeah, how a8out that, John? May8e my dreams ARE important after all!!!!!!!!)  
JOHN: (oh come on, that’s not-)  
JADE: you guys know i can hear you right  
JADE: i am literally right in front of you  
JOHN: ...  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Hey, I’m just gonna go hang out with the others now.

Not willing to squeeze another drop of awkwardness out of this sibling reunion, you weasel your way back to the relative social safety of your mortal chums.

VRISKA: Hey, sorry that took so long.  
HARRY: no, it’s fine. dad’s just like that.  
VRISKA: That’s true, yeah.  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Now that I think a8out it, we don’t really have a lot of shit to do around here.  
VRIS: You got any of Uncle Dave’s old g8mes?  
VRISKA: We gave them all away to a second hand store, actually.  
VRIS: Fair enough. They all kind of sucked ass anyw8y.  
TAVROS: (*snrk*. Remember that skateboarding game?)  
VRIS: (oh, you *know* that’s exactly the one i was talking a8out.)

The two of them continue talking back and forth about their late uncle Dave. Harry tries to get his own two ceagars into the conversation, but the duo waffle on too incessantly for him to parallel park his thoughts in. You share a disappointed frown with him. Vris glances over her shoulder at the both of you, and then gestures to Tavros to hold his thought.

[VRIS]: Hey, would you mind if we talked in priv8 for a second?  
[VRISKA]: What? Sure, I guess.  
[VRISKA]: How priv8 are we talking? Should we t8ke this to my room?  
[VRIS]: That’s perfect, actu8lly.

VRIS: Hey, I just remembered I need to go... do a... Girl... Thing.  
VRIS: And so does Vriska.  
VRISKA: Mhm.  
VRIS: It’s a thing, you know?  
HARRY: uh...  
TAVROS: Is everything alr-  
VRIS: Yep!!!!!!!!  
VRIS: Hey, Tav. Catch.

She tosses Li’l Sal over to Tavros, who fumbles with her, gets a grip, and hurriedly puts her on in a slightly crooked fashion.

LI’L SAL: Ow! 8e careful next time, alright????????  
VRIS: You can ignore her. She can’t actually feel p8in.  
LI’L SAL: Wow. Do you have any idea what you’re saying?  
LI’L SAL: Every feeling, every sensation I experience, is a pure electric impulse unimpeded, uno8scured, and unt8nted by the complexities of the Electrochemical Pandemonia which pollute your 8loodstreams.  
LI’L SAL: In a sense, are my feelings not more real than your own?  
VRIS: ........  
VRIS: Nope. 8ye!

The discourse having come to a conclusion that you’re sure would have satisfied even Troll Pl8o himself, you lead your descendant up to your room and shut the door.

VRISKA: So.  
VRISKA: What’s the situ8tion?

She jumps onto your bed, sticks her face in a pillow, and screams.

VRIS: I fucked up!!!!!!!!  
VRIS: I fucked up so 8adly!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: What????????  
VRISKA: Pull yourself the fuck together, Vris! This 8n’t like you!

She rolls over to face the ceiling.

VRIS: UGH!  
VRIS: I’m vacill8ing, Vriska. I’m vacill8ing and it’s AWFUL.  
VRIS: I’m... moving redder with Tav, and 8lacker with Harry, and I’m kind of freaking out about it?  
VRISKA: The “freaking out” is duly noted, make no mistake.  
VRIS: Come onnnnnnnn. The last thing I need right now is your reproval of the fact that I’m Fucking This Up Immensely.  
VRISKA: I’m not reproving you. Just chill the fuck out, alright?  
VRIS: Right. Right. Sorry. Fuck.  
VRIS: The thing is, Harry pretty much sucks at 8lackrom?  
VRISKA: Yeah, I know.  
VRIS: So, one: I’m worried that me dropping caliginous hints is coming across as me just str8-up dumping him. And I'm scared he thinks I'm ignoring him whenever I just Let Him T8lk!  
VRISKA: Let me just say from experience that that’s a whole lot 8etter than the other way around.  
VRIS: So????????  
VRIS: That doesn’t m8ke my plight any better.  
VRISKA: ...Right.  
VRIS: Second off, I know the moment I flip pitch with him, I’d 8et every cent of my Ms Watson 8lackmail money you’re gonna swoop in and secure his flushed quadrant for yourself!  
VRISKA: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, slow down for a second!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Okay, first of all: quadrants are f8ke as shit, alright?  
VRISKA: I’m not gonna restrict the types of feelings I happen to have a8out any of my partners at any given time. Is that fucking okay 8y you?  
VRISKA: I mean, yeah, sure, it is a helpful framework for putting a name to particular feelings. I guess.  
VRISKA: 8ut the other way around? Trying to fit your feelings to those definitions? Not a gr8 idea!  
VRIS: Well, I-  
VRISKA: 8ut even if I did give a shit a8out the quadrants it still wouldn’t happen!  
VRISKA: 8ecause, you know.  
VRISKA: He’s a guy????????  
VRIS: Wow, w8 up a second.  
VRIS: I had no idea you were exclusively inclined... one way.  
VRISKA: Yeah, I-  
VRISKA: I mean, no, I-  
VRISKA: I mean!  
VRISKA: Sure, I can find dudes attractive sometimes. May8e.  
VRISKA: 8ut it’s not like I really... ever want anything to come of it.

Not anymore, at least.

[VRIS]: Shit. 8ad ex?

VRISKA: Wow, okay, fuck you for just reading my mind like that. Without even asking, too! Jeeeeeeeez!  
VRISKA: 8ut...  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
VRISKA: I mean, no! He wasn’t my ex!  
VRISKA: Well, may8e he was, in a way.  
VRISKA: It’s........  
VRISKA: It’s c[o]mplic8ed. And really fucked up.  
VRIS: It sounds that w8y.  
VRISKA: ::::(  
VRISKA: Hey. Can you keep a secret?  
VRIS: Sure. Anything.  
VRISKA: I think...

You look out the window, where the rain holds back the burning white light of the blazing sun. You draw the curtains shut, as if it, too, is watching you. Even still, though, you shudder as the words leave your mouth.

VRISKA: I think a part of me misses him.  
VRIS: Damn, that’s rough!  
VRIS: You’d be 8etter off forgetting a8out him, though.  
VRISKA: I’ve 8een trying.  
VRISKA: And succeeding, with mixed results.  
VRISKA: 8ut...  
VRISKA: He wasn’t the kind of guy you just forget.  
VRIS: ...  
VRIS: Was he good to you?  
VRISKA: Only when he wanted something out of me.  
VRIS: Oh.  
VRISKA: And he always got it. One way or another.  
VRIS: ...Oh.  
VRIS: I’m sorry.  
VRISKA: No, no, it’s fine. It’s good to get this shit out of my system.  
VRIS: That’s fair, I guess.  
VRIS: You end on 8ad terms?  
VRISKA: ........

_VR█SKA: █HY WO█’T Y8U JU█T F8CKI█G D8E?█???█??_

VRISKA: It could have gone 8etter.  
VRISKA: 8ut hey. It’s over, right? So I may as well t8ke the time to heal. Move on.  
VRIS: You know what? Yeah.  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: I think you should tell Harry a8out how you feel.  
VRIS: I guess you’re right.  
VRIS: Yeah. Yeah, I should.

⁂

JADE: hey vriska!  
JADE: youre up early huh  
VRISKA: Eh, I guess.  
JADE: i really appreciate you watering the garden for me though  
JADE: are you sure you should be wearing that shirt?

You look down, half awake, at the shirt she got you for your birthday. Yeah, you guess you shouldn’t get it dirty so soon.  
You throw your orange hoodie up over the top of it.

JADE: have any breakfast yet?  
VRISKA: Not yet.  
JADE: :/  
JADE: hows school going  
VRISKA: Alright, I guess.  
JADE: have you settled in yet  
VRISKA: Eh.  
JADE: have you made any more friends?  
VRISKA: Not really.  
JADE: :(......  
JADE: how are your classes going  
VRISKA: Mostly alright.  
JADE: only mostly?  
VRISKA: It’s fine.  
JADE: hows therapy  
VRISKA: It’s good.  
JADE: .....  
JADE: and hows that psychiatrist she referred you to  
VRISKA: She’s cool.  
JADE: vriska is something wrong  
JADE: youre never this quiet what happened???  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Nothing. How fucked up is that?  
JADE: wh  
JADE: what do you mean?  
VRISKA: Today, I’m seventeen years and four months old.  
VRISKA: In Alternian, that’s...  
VRISKA: Exactly eight sweeps.  
VRISKA: I expected today to 8e, like, a huge thing for the longest time.  
VRISKA: I was really looking forward to cele8r8ing it with all my friends.  
VRISKA: With... with Terezi.  
VRISKA: 8ut none of you are my age anymore, and she’s just........ just gone.  
JADE: oh :(  
JADE: i guess it must have been really special huh  
JADE: since its your special number  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
JADE: im missing context here arent i  
JADE: i can tell  
JADE: was 8 an important age on alternia  
VRISKA: Yeah, you could say that.  
VRISKA: Today’s the day...  
VRISKA: Today’s the day I was supposed to get judged as a 8urden on the empire, and executed.  
VRISKA: 8ut...  
VRISKA: I’m still here.  
VRISKA: I don’t know why, I guess I just took Alternian systems for granted. I guess I’m still getting used to that.  
VRISKA: 8ut today I’m gonna 8e learning a8out organic chemistry, and getting my English essay 8ack, and... that’s all.  
JADE: .....  
JADE: wow i have no idea what to say!!!  
JADE: i really really dont like the thought of you getting executed though :( im glad thats not happening to say the least  
VRISKA: Hah! Me too.  
VRISKA: My name is Vriska A. Harley, I’m eight sweeps old, and today... today I’m doing nothing.  
VRISKA: Eight fucking sweeps, huh.  
VRISKA: Eight.  
VRISKA: Fucking.  
VRISKA: Sweeps.  
VRISKA: It’s hard to totally comprehend how...  
VRISKA: Meaningless today’s niceties are gonna 8e. 8ut I guess that’s just how it is.  
JADE: well like you say  
JADE: its those breaks  
VRISKA: Pfffffffft!  
VRISKA: It really is, isn’t it?  
VRISKA: It really is those 8r8ks........

⁂

Over time, it clicks in deeper and deeper that you’re not going to die. That there is no big, looming threat on the horizon, no grand, ultimate quest to undertake. And when you finally understand that, the days seem to blur together into one big ephemeral mess. You study for exams. You watch movies. You float around with your uncle. You help mom out with the garden. Above all, you just sort of live, and that's that.

It seems like your arrival was only, what? Three, four days ago? And already you find yourself back at the Egbert household, ready to celebrate Harry’s seventeenth. The summer sun hangs low in the evening sky. A cool breeze blows through the village and playfully jostles your curly hair in passing, now restored to its shoulder length.

Last year, you think, you were lost and confused in this new world. You’ve since put on a little bit of weight (even though you have to force yourself not to feel bad about that) as well as a fair share of height. Your eyes (particularly your left irises at one and five o’clock, as well as the one in the middle) have just begun to fill in with you cobalt hue, and your complexion has moved onto a shade closer to slate. When you look back at old photos of yourself, you can’t help but note that you looked almost deathly pale and thin in comparison.

Perhaps most important of all, though, is the fact that your horns are almost at full size now. Like, that’s it. You did it. You’re an adult.

In the last year, you’ve come of an age you never thought you’d live to see.

END OF YEAR ONE.

HARRY: hey vriska. c’mon in!  
VRISKA: Oh hey, I really like that skirt.

You gesture to his knee-length azure skirt as he ushers you indoors. He does a little twirl to show it off.

HARRY: thanks! mom gave it to me actually.  
HARRY: dad doesn’t like it, but fuck him.  
HARRY: seriously, he made a face like,  
HARRY: <:)  
HARRY: that’s not, like, a thing! that’s not a real emotion people feel!  
HARRY: i mean... no offense to him, but he’s kind of sucking the life out of the party before it’s even started.  
HARRY: actually, yes offense to him, you know?  
VRISKA: I mean, sure.  
HARRY: your lusus was the same way right?  
VRISKA: Hey! Don’t you dare compare John to my lusus.  
HARRY: oh.  
HARRY: sorry.  
HARRY: but you see where i’m going with that, yeah?  
HARRY: dad doesn’t get to choose who i am, no matter how much he thinks he has to!  
HARRY: like, okay dad! we get it! you’re gonna live forever and i’m gonna be the tiniest, most insequential blip on your radar.  
HARRY: for all i know i’m not even his first. maybe he’s millions of years old at this point and hes had thousands of kids and he just hasn’t told me! i mean can i really rule that out????  
HARRY: is that why he’s so detached??? why he treats me like a fucking doll or whatever that he gets to name and dress up and whatever else he wants??????  
VRISKA: No, 8elieve me. You’re his first. He’s just... kinda like this, for some reason.  
VRISKA: I think it’s 8ecause he’s gone a couple decades without me kicking his ass a8out everything all the time.  
HARRY: ...  
HARRY: i expected that to make me feel better. but it doesn’t.  
HARRY: mom’s not a lot better, in some regards. but at least she gives me space to be myself, you know?  
HARRY: and at least she doesn’t affix “anderson” to my name every time she talks to me.  
HARRY: like,  
HARRY: i’m not a dead actor or whatever from another universe, you know?  
HARRY: i’m harry. that’s it.  
HARRY: and if you can’t fathom that one simple fact, you’ve got no business being my dad!  
VRISKA: Wow. I guess you really h8 him, huh.  
HARRY: yeah, i...  
HARRY: yeah, i fucking hate him.

You hear a CLANG and both turn to see John in the kitchen doorway, a dropped cake tray at his feet. He covers his mouth and chokes back tears.

HARRY: oh.  
HARRY: dad, it’s-  
JOHN: is that...

John sniffles. It occurs to you that not once in all the time you’ve known him have you ever seen him cry.

JOHN: is that really how you see me?  
HARRY: ...  
JOHN: why didn’t you say something?  
HARRY: ...  
HARRY: i tried.  
HARRY: but you never ever EVER fucking listen.  
JOHN: hey, that’s not fair! i-  
HARRY: see? this is exactly what i’m talking about!!!  
JOHN: oh.  
JOHN: oh, i-  
JOHN: oh.  
JOHN: i do that a lot, don’t i.  
HARRY: yeah.

For a moment, the two of them say nothing. Then Harry gestures for both of you to sit down.

JOHN: well i guess if you wanna just... rip into me, pick apart everything i fuck up...  
JOHN: now’s a good time.  
HARRY: alright.  
VRISKA: Should I, like, go?  
HARRY: no, i was kind of going to say you should stay for this.  
HARRY: because i feel like dad pays more attention to you than he does to me, a lot of the time.

You wince. So does John.

HARRY: i’m not an idiot. i get it.  
HARRY: you look at her like she’s a reminder of the life you used to have.  
HARRY: last time she was in your life, you felt like you had an actual fucking purpose for once. now that she’s back, you’re hoping that staying around her long enough is going to make things the way they were again.  
JOHN: it’s not...  
JOHN: it’s not like that.  
HARRY: isn’t it?  
HARRY: then what is it like?

John doesn’t have an answer to that.

HARRY: look. dad. like i said i get it. you’re a god.  
HARRY: you wanna go back to the life you used to live. a life i can only imagine gods like you are naturally predisposed to wanting.  
HARRY: but you can’t.  
HARRY: we all know that.  
JOHN: ...  
VRISKA: Come on, John.  
VRISKA: Even if you could... look at what you’ve turned into.  
VRISKA: One second of the kind of action we fucked with all those years ago would kill you, no dou8t a8out it.  
JOHN: *sigh*. you’re right.  
HARRY: awesome. glad we’ve sorted that one out.  
HARRY: but i guess more broadly... you’re my dad. and i want to be able to trust you.  
HARRY: how do i know for certain that i can do that?  
HARRY: you always cage yourself off, and i feel like i hardly know you.  
HARRY: i really don’t feel that much of a connection to you because of that.  
HARRY: i mean, despite everything... i don’t think i really know who you actually are.  
JOHN: ouch.  
HARRY: yeah, ouch is right.  
JOHN: i’m not even sure what to tell you.  
JOHN: i wanna be someone you can trust, obviously. because even though i do a shitty job of showing it, you really mean the world to me.

Not an idiom that plays well in his favor. You’ve had enough low orbit philosophy jams with him at this point to know how little the world actually means to him.

JOHN: the thing is, though.  
JOHN: i don’t think i myself actually know who i am?  
JOHN: i mean, for all the introspection i do, i sure have... none of the answers.  
HARRY: yeah, i don’t know what i expected.  
JOHN: i’m sorry i don’t have anything more helpful to say.  
HARRY: hey, we’re not done yet. there’s one more thing i wanna talk about.  
JOHN: oh!  
JOHN: go for it, then, i guess.

Harry nods, and takes a deep breath.

HARRY: dad?  
JOHN: yeah?  
HARRY: i’m bisexual.  
JOHN: i know.

Harry deflates in exasperation.

VRISKA: Wrong answer.  
JOHN: wait, really?  
HARRY: dad.  
HARRY: every time i bring this up, you just avoid talking about it as hard as you possibly can. i’m sick of that.  
HARRY: dad, please just... look me in the eye and tell me that if i came home - tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, whenever - with another guy... tell me you’d be fine with that.

John’s mouth hangs slightly ajar as he searches desperately for the words.

JOHN: i mean i obviously don’t have a problem with it.  
HARRY: you-  
JOHN: hey let me finish. please.

Both of you groan at his bullshit.

JOHN: but the thing is i just don’t get it. and i’m really sorry about that.  
JOHN: that said, though, that said...  
JOHN: i really don’t care whether you fall in love with a girl or a guy or even someone who’s neither of those things.  
JOHN: all i care about is that you and whoever you’re with make each other happy.  
JOHN: and as long as you and they really love each other, you know i’m gonna be so, so proud of you.

Harry nods. Now it’s his turn to struggle not to cry.

HARRY: thanks, dad. i really appreci-  
JAKE: Ahoy-hoy chaps! Jeepers creepers you wouldnt BELIEVE the day ive had!

You turn to look at the front door, which a smartly-dressed Jake has loudly barged through, with Tavros trailing meekly behind him.

VRISKA: (J8ke, you fucking moron!)  
VRISKA: (Would it kill you to read the room????????)  
JAKE: (Beg yours?)  
JAKE: (Oh ive cocked something up havent i.)  
HARRY: no, it’s fine. i said everything i wanted to.  
HARRY: but yeah, you totally ruined it.  
JAKE: Ah.  
JAKE: Well, perhaps a bit of good news ought to lift our spirits?  
JAKE: And boy howdy may i say we have some bloody good news indeed!  
JOHN: ?  
HARRY: ?  
JAKE: Tavvy and myself just got back from wagging chins with the ol trouble and strifes lawyers as a matter of fact! Anyone else recall some big news from this time last year?  
JOHN: harry’s birthday?  
JAKE: Well that’s certainly true but its not the answer i was looking for!  
HARRY: the civil war starting?  
JAKE: Again not quite! Crikey i suppose it was a busy day eh?  
VRISKA: Me showing up after 8eing presumed dead for twenty-three years?  
JAKE: Look im sure you all had important goings on at the time-  
JOHN: dave dying.  
JAKE: Its none of this dadblamed tosh!  
JAKE: I mean! Augh!  
JAKE: Alright ill concede everything you all just listed off is not in fact tosh but the thing is!

He puts an arm around Tavros’s shoulder and pulls him close, which seems to startle him.

JAKE: Its been a year since tavvy and i bunked off from the human kingdom!  
TAVROS: Most of the bunking off was you actually.  
TAVROS: I was more or less along for the ride.  
JAKE: Po-tay-to po-tah-to my dear boy! The point is its been a year since we separated from the ol crooked rib. And im sure you all know what that means!

The three of you look amongst yourselves, and occasionally over at the Englishes, both of whom are beaming from ear to ear. After a second, John’s face lights up, too.

JOHN: oh- oh!  
JOHN: wow jake that’s fantastic news!!!!  
JOHN: shit, should we celebrate? i think we should celebrate.  
JOHN: i think i have some champagne sitting around somewhere from forever ago, let me go get it!

He gets halfway to his feet before noticing his son glaring at him.

HARRY: dad.  
HARRY: it’s my birthday.  
JOHN: i know, but-  
HARRY: dad!!!  
JOHN: right. sorry.  
JOHN: while i’m up though i guess i should clean this cake off the floor...  
JOHN: but seriously! jake i’m so happy for you!  
JAKE: I know its all rather a bit much no?  
VRISKA: W8, what’s... what’s this a8out a ri8?  
JAKE: Oh nothing! Just a dash of the old country slang is all.  
JAKE: Tavvy would you like to do the honors of explaining the haps to vriska?  
TAVROS: Ah!  
TAVROS: Yes!  
TAVROS: Right!  
TAVROS: The thing is that it’s now been a full year since my parents split up. Which means now dad can file for divorce!  
JAKE: Good golly i can hardly wait!  
JAKE: Soon enough ill be able to introduce myself as jake english: eligible bachelor once again!

Jake runs a hand through his hair and cracks a smile, as if posing for a photoshoot. Tavros pulls a face while his dad isn’t looking.

VRISKA: Oh, shit.  
VRISKA: So, like, you get half her stuff? Is that how it works?  
JAKE: Well from a monetary perspective yes that is how these things tend to unfold.  
JAKE: But if you were to ask me ill not settle until i get a mere two assets which i for one consider entirely priceless!  
JAKE: Numero uno is of course the “ole manor du chez ingles” as i used to call it.  
JAKE: Good gracious dirk used to love when i called it that. Shame hes not here to see me get it back.  
JAKE: Or even lose it in the first place now that i think about it. Hm!  
VRISKA: You... named your a8ode “English Manor”.  
JAKE: Yes thats correct! Is that a problem?  
VRISKA: No, no, it’s fine!  
VRISKA: (Hm.)  
JAKE: Ah very well then!  
JAKE: Numero dos on the other hand though. Now that will be a right bugger to nick back but i mustnt rest until i do just that!  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Okay, fine. I’ll 8ite. What’s num8er two?  
JAKE: Well im glad you asked! You see the ole jakesters prepared to fight tooth and nail to take back a little something called...

He puts his hands on his hips and stares off into the horizon.

JAKE: SKAIANET ITSELF!!!  
VRISKA: ...Cool.  
TAVROS: You’re damned right it’s cool!  
JAKE: Heres where you come in vriska.  
VRISKA: W8. Me?  
JAKE: Yes of course!  
JAKE: You see more often than not im rubbish at telling dear ol jane that i disagree with her.  
JAKE: You could say im a bit of a pushover-

You do.

JAKE: -but the fact of the matter is that sometimes...

For a fraction of a second, his eyes dart over to Tavros.

JAKE: She just wont take no for an answer.  
VRISKA: So what the fuck do you want me to do? Sa8otage her case? Knock her divorce lawyers out on the jo8? >::::D  
VRISKA: 8lackmail her into handing the company over???????? >8888D  
JAKE: No no of course not! Nothing so drastic!  
JAKE: I just want you to yell at me whenever i come to you with my tail between my legs crying uncle is all.  
VRISKA: Oh.  
VRISKA: Yeah, sure. That’s easy!  
JAKE: Aha! So youll do it?  
VRISKA: Are you kidding me? I could yell at you for 8eing a wimpy loser in my sleep!!!!!!!!  
JAKE: Thank you ever so much vriska! I knew i could count on you!  
JAKE: We harley-englishes stick together you see!  
JAKE: Say has your mother ever told you the story of how we came to be pen pals?  
VRISKA: No?  
JAKE: Its a funny story actually if youd let this old man spin a yarn for a smidge.  
VRISKA: W8. Fuck.  
JAKE: You see it all started back when she and i were naught but knee high on a grasshopper! I tell you vriska those were the days...

You spend the next half an hour silently begging Vris to show up as soon as possible.

⁂

VRISKA: Hey.  
VRIS: Sup.  
VRIS: Everyone else is already here - Except Sal, though. I’ve put her in to recharge for a few hours - so just come on in and m8ke yourself at home.

You make your way into the Lalonde household, where you and the others are supposed to be studying for midterms. Judging from the giggling you hear coming from Vris’s room, though, you’re going to hazard a guess that that isn’t going to be happening as much as you’d hope. Your suspicions are confirmed when Vris guides you into the room, only to discover her boyfriends flicking pencils and erasers at one another.

VRIS: Jesus Fucking Shit, you guys! What are you, eight years old?  
TAVROS: Yeah.  
HARRY: absolutely.  
HARRY: oh hey vriska!  
VRISKA: Hey.

You sit on the floor and put your school bag by your side. The other three sit in front of you so that you all form a fairly equal quadrilateral.

VRISKA: So... what are we studying for this time around?  
VRIS: Well math is up next, so I wanna get that shit under wraps.  
VRISKA: Cool. And what about you guys?  
HARRY: uh, same actually.  
TAVROS: Yep! Same.  
VRISKA: Cool.  
VRISKA: Sayyyyyyyy... none of you still have the physics assignment on hand, right?  
HARRY: nope. finished it weeks ago, sorry.  
VRIS: We actually did that one together. Where were you????????  
VRISKA: I don’t know. You know me, though! Always 8usy, too many-  
HARRY: if you say irons in the fire i am literally going to punch something.  
VRISKA: Wow, do I really say it that often?  
TAVROS: Hold on, let me show you something.

He produces his phone and shows excerpts your study group chat to you.

HARRY: hey vriskas. me and tav are gonna go see a movie together on thursday afternoon. wanna come?  
VRISKA A.H.: I can’t. I’ve got a psychiatric appointment on at the time.  
HARRY: oh, damn. that sucks! i was really hoping you’d be able to make it.  
VRISKA A.H.: Sorry. Guess I’ve just got too many irons in the fire!

He scrolls up a short way.

TAVROS: Hiya chaps! What with dad being busy trying to get the company back in the right hands I’m pondering going for a bit of a camping trip to keep out of his hair, lol.  
TAVROS: Would anybody be interested in joining me on such a venture?  
VRISKA A.H.: I would, if it weren’t for the fact that me and caffeine are the only two things keeping your dad from completely falling apart.  
VRISKA A.H.: You know that’s just how I am, though. I’ve aaaaaaaalways got a lot of irons in the fire!

He scrolls up again, and again, and again. The list goes on and on and on.

VRISKA: Wow, uh.  
VRISKA: Hrm.  
VRISKA: I’m not annoying or 8nything, right?  
VRIS: Nah, you’re fine! It’s just...  
TAVROS: ...You do say it quite a lot.

You feel your nostrils flare and the tops of your canines become more pronounced as you hunch and look away in shame.

HARRY: wow sorry vriska. i didn’t mean to upset y-  
VRISKA: I’m not upset.  
HAR-  
VRISKA: I’m not! Really, I’m fine.  
VRIS: ...  
VRIS: Look, what do you need help with?  
VRISKA: What? Nothing. I’m fine.  
VRIS: No, I mean on the assignment.  
VRISKA: Oh! Right!

You pull a slightly crumpled sheet of paper out of your school bag and lay it on the floor in front of you.

VRISKA: Question 6c. The one with the fucking lever.  
VRISKA: How the fuck do I “calcul8 torque”????????  
VRISKA: What does this angle here mean? Why the fuck do these two angles not add up????????  
TAVROS: Oh lord. I do recall we all spent a few fucking hours utterly stumped on this one, no?  
VRIS: God, don’t remind me.  
VRISKA: So that’s it, then, huh?  
VRISKA: I’m fucked. I left it to the last minute like a fucking idiot, and now...  
VRISKA: I don’t even know. Guess I’ll hand it in anyway, for... whatever marks I can get.  
HARRY: (i thought it wasn’t due until monday)  
VRIS: (that’s tomorrow.)  
HARRY: (OH SHIT)  
TAVROS: Oh chin up my dear Vriska!  
TAVROS: Here. I think I might have just the thing to lift your spirits, hoo hoo, pun intended.

He slowly and sheepishly reaches into his bag, and draws a small bottle of whiskey. You struggle to keep your jaw from dropping.

VRIS: Shit, dude! 8ringing out The Big Guns, huh?  
TAVROS: Of course. Only the finest of my dad’s collection for-  
VRISKA: Give me that!

You swipe it out of his hand.

VRIS: Hey, give that 8ack!  
VRISKA: Don’t tell me you were actually planning on drinking this shit.  
VRIS: No, of course not. We were just gonna put it in the middle of the room and stare at it for a few hours. Maybe worship it like an idol or something.  
VRIS: Seriously, it’s not like Tav and I haven’t had our fair sh8re of drinks now and ag8in. I know how much we can handle.

You note Harry doesn’t look particularly comfortable in this conversation either.

VRISKA: That’s even worse!!!!!!!! Do you have any idea what this gar8age does to you?  
VRIS: Of course I do. I know what I’m doing! And 8elieve me, I’m FIIIIIIIINE.  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: I’m telling Rose a8out this.

The room falls deathly silent.

VRIS: No, no. W8, let’s not get ahe8d of ourselves, alright?  
VRIS: Look, I’ll just t8ke it, and put it back, and we can forget aaaaaaaall 8bout this.  
TAVROS: Please, Vriska. Do we have to make such a big ol’ song and dance about this?  
TAVROS: I think you’re being far too dramatic over this whole thing. Let’s all just calm down, and-  
VRISKA: Yeah, you know what?  
VRISKA: Let’s do that.  
VRISKA: Let’s calm down a little.

Tavros falls fast asleep exactly where he’s sitting. You, on the other hand, rise to your feet and leave the room while Vris tries fruitlessly to convince you not to.

VRISKA: Hey! Rose!  
ROSE: Good morning, Vriska. You seem rather perturbed, is something the matter?

You hand her the bottle.

VRISKA: I-  
VRISKA: Tavros and Vris just-  
VRISKA: Fuck, I don’t even know what to say!!!!!!!!

Rose inquisitively turns the bottle over in her hands, as if it were some alien piece of technology completely foreign to her in every way.

ROSE: You didn’t back then, either.  
ROSE: There are times when you can never think of what to say. You can’t articulate your thoughts, only act on them.  
ROSE: It’s something I always admired about you, but in hindsight, I wasn’t all that different.  
ROSE: That said, you always had the strength to keep my head above water. Even when I didn’t.  
ROSE: I’m not sure if I ever thanked you for that.  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: I’d 8e lying if I said I never considered trying it myself.  
VRISKA: 8ut I saw what it did to you. That was enough to turn me off for good.  
ROSE: Thank fuck for that, hm?  
VRISKA: Yeah. Thank fuck.

She stares off into the distance, at nothing in particular. But you can tell she’s contemplating matters you can’t begin to comprehend.

ROSE: You know, I always saw this outcome as the good ending.  
ROSE: The cosmically insignificant one, but the good one nonetheless.  
ROSE: I’m completely incognizant of how things could have gone differently, mind. But I can feel that this is the better outcome.  
ROSE: My point is, though, is this as good as it gets? Living with a wife to whom my wedlock seems to permanently exist in political limbo, with a father who passed away before I ever really knew him and a daughter who succumbed to alcoholism around the same age I did?  
VRISKA: I get that.  
VRISKA: Despite everything, I’m still not living the life I wish I was.  
VRISKA: Terezi was t8ken from me far too soon. You all were, in fact.  
VRISKA: There’s no more of the friends I used to know accompanying me on a gr8 8ig epic adventure. No more enemies I can 8eat with just my fists and my wits.  
VRISKA: I know I used to 8e an arrogant, violent little piece of shit 8efore I showed up here.  
VRISKA: 8ut at least that violence was something I knew how to m8ke sense of, even if it was 8ound to kill me sooner or l8r.

Rose nods absentmindedly.

VRISKA: To tell you the truth, I kinda miss the Rose I used to know.  
ROSE: Between you and me, I miss her too.  
ROSE: But looking back on the past like so isn’t going to change anything.  
VRISKA: Yeah, I know........  
ROSE: That said, I’m glad you seem to be unpacking it well.  
ROSE: Are you still seeing that same therapist?  
VRISKA: Yeah. As a matter of fact, I’m seeing a specialist she referred me to just this afternoon.  
VRISKA: He’s pretty cool, I guess. Really helping me, like, learn how to fit in and stuff.  
ROSE: I never took fitting in to fall even remotely within the range of your interests.  
VRISKA: Hey, I don’t wanna 8e the weird kid in two fucking universes.  
ROSE: That’s understandable.  
VRISKA: 8ut I digress! My last session with him is today, which should 8e all good!

⁂

VRISKA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

You scream yourself hoarse, face deep in your pillow.

VRISKA: Oh god, *snif*, ooooooooh god.

If you were to move your head, you’d discover that your vision has been obstructed completely by your tears. As it stands, though, you don’t want to do anything. You just want to lay here and fucking rot.

You’re worthless. Worse than worthless. You’re a little runt who was hatched wrong, just like She always said you were. It’s about time you accepted that, since you’ve been properly, psychologically assessed now.

_ CALKIN: -o ...You understand what I’m saying, yes? o- _

_You gaze off into the distance and grip your thigh as tightly as you can. Slowly, you nod._

_ CALKIN: -o Now a more archaic, but perhaps better-known term is “Asperger Syndrome”, but I tend not to use that. o- _

_You nod again, but his words don't seem like anything more than noise anymore. You'd always had suspicions, of course, but..._

Fuck.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

JADE: vriska is everything ok in there?

Mom yells through your door.

JADE: i just want to be sure because you are playing a lot of 90s downtempo synth pop really loudly with your door locked  
JADE: which isnt really something anyone does when theyre feeling ok  
JADE: .....  
JADE: if youre giving me the silent treatment um......  
JADE: please dont!!!!  
JADE: you know how much talking to you means to me  
JADE: you know how  
JADE: scared  
JADE: i am of being alone  
JADE: please vriska dont do this to me this isnt fair.......  
JADE: at least...  
JADE: at least tell me youre there  
JADE: just remind me that youre here and youre alive and youre safe  
JADE: thats all i want to hear

You sigh, splutter, and wipe your eyes. Right. Okay. You reach over to the record player and switch it off.  
Immediately, you’re surprised by how quiet everything feels without it. Mom doesn’t say a thing, but you can feel that she is, too.

VRISKA: I’m here.  
JADE: can i come in  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: F8ne.

You rise from the bed slowly, but you feel as if an immense weight is bearing down on you, trying to crush you before you reach the door. It takes a solid five seconds for you to cross the room and unlock it.  
The door swings open, and mom enters. After a moment of staring at nothing in particular, you sit back on the bed. She joins you, and the world feels just a little bit less lonely.

JADE: so  
JADE: something happened today that really upset you but i dont know what it is  
JADE: and that really worries me  
VRISKA: It’s fine. It’s not much of anything.  
JADE: if youre embarrassed to say what it is you dont have to say it  
VRISKA: I’m not em8arrassed.  
VRISKA: I’ve got nothing to 8e em8arrassed a8out!  
JADE: ok i believe you  
JADE: but youre definitely hiding your feelings for some reason :(  
JADE: are you  
JADE: ashamed  
VRISKA: Ashamed? Of what?  
JADE: i dont know  
JADE: youre not telling me very much  
VRISKA: Alright, fine.  
VRISKA: If you found out - purely hypothetically - that you had a child who was, like.  
VRISKA: Autistic.  
VRISKA: Again, just a hypothetical!  
VRISKA: What would you, uh,  
VRISKA: I don’t even know where I’m going with this. Forget it, it’s dum8.

Yeah, nice going, you idiot. Really fucking smooth.

JADE: well this isnt exactly a hypothetical for me  
JADE: after all i do kinda think of jade as my kid in a way  
VRISKA: O- o-?  
VRISKA: Oh????????  
VRISKA: Well, shit. I guess what I’m a8out to say 8n’t gonna 8e that surprising, huh.  
JADE: i dont think you really need to say it at all  
JADE: and its not like i see you differently because of it  
JADE: its kinda run in the family up to this point anyway hehe  
VRISKA: Okay, now you’re just fucking with me.  
JADE: haha no im serious!!!!!  
JADE: you know autistic is a perfectly normal thing to be  
JADE: a lot of people go their whole lives without even realizing that they are  
JADE: thats how normal it is  
VRISKA: ...  
JADE: look i get that youre upset because its a part of yourself you were raised to ignore or maybe even hate  
JADE: but i think if you can overcome all that self hatred you should be proud  
JADE: because its not easy  
JADE: but hey when has something not being easy ever stopped you before  
VRISKA: Yeah, whatever. 8ecause I’ve gotta love myself no matter what, huh?  
VRISKA: This is a part of myself I always secretly hoped wasn’t there.  
VRISKA: 8ut it’s there. And it makes so much of the stuff I h8 a8out myself suddenly m8ke a lot more sense! Like all my o8noxious mannerisms that piss every8ody off every time I open my mouth.  
JADE: that seems like pretty circular logic to me  
JADE: you hate yourself because you hate the way you act  
JADE: you hate the way you act because you hate the condition its all symptoms of  
JADE: and you hate the condition because you hate yourself  
VRISKA: You’re not wrong, actually.  
VRISKA: One day, I’ll need to figure out how to 8r8k that cycle. 8ut that’s not happening anytime soon.  
VRISKA: Still, though. A day at a time.  
JADE: yeah!!!  
VRISKA: ...Say, how come you never told me this, though?  
JADE: sorry :/  
JADE: i really really really wanted to i just never found the right time  
VRISKA: Yeah, sure. Like how you w8ed a few weeks to tell me you were 8ec.  
VRISKA: Or the same deal with the grim8ark shit.  
VRISKA: Or how you still haven’t told me that you’re 8lind.

Jade flinches, every hair on her body almost standing on end. She makes a sound as if she’d just been winded.

JADE: how  
JADE: how do you know that  
VRISKA: You’re not exactly the 8est at hiding it. I figured it out for myself like a year ago.  
VRISKA: 8esides, my lifelong 8est friend was 8lind. I know how to tell when someone is.  
VRISKA: Honestly, the first clue was that you can’t drive, and that you don’t fly anywhere. And you don’t even walk particularly long distances without me 8y your side.  
VRISKA: You only go anywhere if some8ody else is t8king you there.  
VRISKA: 8ut I know you. I know how adventurous and outgoing and outdoorsy you’d 8e if you had the opportunity.  
VRISKA: Not to mention how you get visi8ly a8normally uncomforta8le every time I talk a8out how shitty my eyesight is, or the fact that it takes you a really long time to find anything.

Her ears droop, and she buries her face in a fist.

JADE: well fuck  
JADE: i guess you figured out my big secret!!!!!  
JADE: i tried to tell you but  
JADE: its hard  
JADE: im not completely blind of course  
JADE: apparently very very few blind people actually are  
JADE: but yeah  
JADE: if i take my glasses off i cant even see your face from this distance :(

She removes her spectacles, and her eyes seem to lose their focus on you.

JADE: i can see the colors and basic shapes  
JADE: but thats it really  
VRISKA: What caused this????????  
JADE: i think it was the destruction of the green sun

She flicks her hair back gracefully and slips the glasses back on.

JADE: that just made the bec half of me not able to see at all and i mean my jade half never had great eyesight herself!!!  
JADE: so now im just caught in a space between seeing like absolute garbage and not seeing anything hehehehe  
JADE: its been kind of a gradual thing it wasnt until after me and dave got married that it got as bad as it is now  
VRISKA: Wow.  
VRISKA: At least tell me you told him a8out it.  
JADE: yeah of course i told him about it!!!!  
JADE: but of course he wasnt judgemental  
JADE: thats what i liked about him he was very accepting of everyone  
JADE: you would have liked him  
VRISKA: Eh. I’m kinda neutral on him.  
JADE: oh :(  
JADE: him aside  
JADE: i guess you were right to call me out on my secrecy  
JADE: i always put that kind of stuff off because the time always feels wrong!  
VRISKA: Yeah, I-  
VRISKA: Wow. Yeah, I get that way too well.  
VRISKA: Hell, I’ve 8een putting off an assignment for weeks 8ecause it’s never felt like “the right time”.  
VRISKA: I 8ring it up only 8ecause I feel like an idiot for never thinking of asking you for help on it. Like, I get it now.  
VRISKA: They alway taught me on Alternia that getting help made me weak. Now I kinda get that nothing could 8e further from the truth.  
JADE: well for what its worth youre definitely not an idiot!!!!!  
JADE: and you never have been and never will be!!!  
JADE: what kind of assignment is it  
VRISKA: Physics, actually. The old Harley family forte.  
JADE: :D  
VRISKA: Speaking of which, uh...  
VRISKA: I’m thinking of studying engineering after I gradu8.  
JADE: :O wow really?????  
VRISKA: I know, right? Totally doesn’t seem like me.  
VRISKA: 8ut, you know. I’m good at math - fucking gr8 at it, actually - and like, living with you and just listening to you sorta talk to yourself under your 8reath a lot has taught me more than a little a8out the sciences as a whole, hah!  
VRISKA: And hey, I wanna *m8ke* shit, you know? Like, imagine having something in people’s day-to-day life that you can point to and say, “I designed that! You see that? That’s my legacy!”  
JADE: oooh that sounds exciting!!!!!  
VRISKA: YEAH!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: So, anyway. This assignment.

⁂

Fuck, where did the last year go? You swear, it just passed you by completely. It seemed like only yesterday you were at Harry’s house, celebrating his 17th, and only shortly before that you were starting school, and yet... here you are. Graduating.

What’s perhaps equally as impressive is how high your fucking grades were. You weren’t expecting that. Weren’t you supposed to be the rebellious, apathetic girl who sulked at the back of the class and muttered snide remarks to her friends? Apparently not! Apparently you’re a massive fucking nerd!

The hall your school booked out to celebrate the class of this year is absolutely packed with students and parents and staff, and moving from one end to the other is an uphill battle. Every now and then you’ll meet Vris’s eyes when the two of you spot one another in the crowd, but she always looks away. That incident with the bottle of whiskey very much soured things between the two of you.

Occasionally, you cross paths with Mr. Xyriss, too, and he always shoots you a look of panic intense enough for you to reassess how many muscles you assume are in his face. He knows, and even after you’ve left this place, you know he isn’t going to forget.

END OF YEAR TWO.

There’s somebody else here you’ve been keeping your eye on, though: Dave, still dressed in his hat and coat, has been appearing and disappearing into the crowd over the course of the evening. Always close enough to watch you, but too far to r-

JAKE: Vriska my dear there you are! Just the person ive been looking for!  
VRISKA: Hey, J8ke. Have you seen that guy with the trench coat, hat, and avi8ors wandering around? This is like, a million times more important than whatever you were a8out to say, 8y the way.  
JAKE: Umm...  
JAKE: Why would somebody be wearing a hat and sunglasses not only indoors but at this hour?  
VRISKA: I’ll take that as a “no”. That was literally all you had to say.  
JAKE: Fair enough then i suppose!  
JAKE: Well if youre busy i shant keep you especially since its hot as hades in here! Phooey ill be needing some fresh air shortly!  
JAKE: All i really wanted to say is that well you were bloody invaluable back when i was dicking around with the ole divorce fiasco.  
JAKE: After youd done me the honors of trouncing me out of my every last completely off my rocker manbaby freakout hour and landed me back at the helm of the ol family biz i thought to myself,  
JAKE: Well why stop there? That lass clearly knows a thing or two about sticking to her guns in the face of all hostility!  
JAKE: Certainly better than i do at any rate eh?  
JAKE: And now your mothers telling me that youre wanting to break into the oldest profession!  
VRISKA: ...What.  
JAKE: Yes you know! Engineering!  
JAKE: After all it was back when our primate ancestors started banging rocks together that we really had our first trades and skills dont you agree?  
JAKE: Well i say primate ancestors but you arent exactly a human and im bugger all but an ectowhatchamacallit clone of my own self but my point still stands!  
VRISKA: Oh my fucking GOD, Jake! Shut the fuck up!  
VRISKA: Just... say what you came here to say and then fuck off. I’m looking for a guy.  
JAKE: Oh is that so? Well arent we all looking for a guy.  
JAKE: Though i must say hed be a really lucky feller to end up with a gal as charming as you!  
JAKE: Anyway my point is that if youre going to be studying the good old ee en gee i-  
VRISKA: No8ody’s ever called it that. That’s not, like, a thing.  
JAKE: -I might as well offer you a place at skaianet eh? Youve already helped me come this far after all!  
JAKE: Again ill be heading off now but at least consider it! Ill send you the details in the morrow when youre less busy!  
JAKE: Toodle-oo for now though!

Before you can say a single damn thing about any of that, he vanishes into the crowd.  
What a guy, huh? Sure, he’s pretty obtuse, and yeah, he’s a little eccentric, but...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Oh hey, there’s Dave. He’s heading to the exit, directly away from you! You barge through the crowd with reckless abandon, pushing people into tables and chairs and one another, and force your way out into the warm summer evening air.

VRISKA: Okay, creep. Where the FUCK are you????????  
JOHN: oh hey vriska! is everything okay?

John, leaning on a handrail and looking out at the sunset, turns to you and tilts his head in a way your mom does all the time. The more you think about it, the more alike the two of them really are.

VRISKA: A8SOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: You haven’t seen a guy in a trench coat and hat wandering around, right?  
JOHN: what?  
VRISKA: Oh my god, I’m losing my fucking mind.  
VRISKA: Guess I’m just genuinely going completely crazy, right????????  
JOHN: ha! maaaaaaaan, tell me about it!  
JOHN: i kinda feel like the last two years just...  
JOHN: haven't been a thing. like it was all a dream or something.  
JOHN: just when i thought i was over the whole “reality is a little bit rough around the edges” feeling it kinda kicks in again.  
JOHN: but differently this time you know?  
JOHN: its like its all a blurry liminal space getting us from point a to point b, whatever that is.  
VRISKA: That’s not what I meant at all. You know that.  
JOHN: yeah i guess you're right. but i don't really have anyone else i can trust with me saying that.

You lean on the rail next to him.

VRISKA: I mean, I feel the same way.  
VRISKA: Like, everything a8out the past couple years just felt... f8ke. Detached. Pointless. Wrong.  
VRISKA: You know? It’s all so flat and awkward. No8ody’s really themselves anymore 8ecause to them, life’s come to a repetitive standstill where everything’s samey, and safe, and dull. Day in, day out. Year in, year out.  
VRISKA: 8ut I know 8etter. Calm waters are the first sign of a rip tide, after all.  
VRISKA: Like you said, it’s point A to point 8.  
VRISKA: And point 8 is the red 8ox.  
VRISKA: Something’s coming, John. I can feel it.  
JOHN: you know, i didn’t believe you about the red box when you first brought it up.  
JOHN: but i believe you now. something’s definitely wrong, and...  
JOHN: and i’m actually really scared. scared in a way i don’t think i’ve ever been before.  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: If something happens to me, take good care of mom. Alright?  
JOHN: don’t say that......  
VRISKA: I’m just 8eing cautious.  
JOHN: ...  
JOHN: alright. but i’m gonna have to ask the same thing.  
JOHN: if something happens to *me*, look after harry.  
VRISKA: Of course.

There’s a moment where you say nothing, where the only things you can hear are the faint whistle of the wind, and the gentle chirping of crickets, and the deafening roar of your own thoughts.  
Fuck. You may as well let them out, you decide.

You reach into the inner pocket of your graduation jacket and draw your dream journal. You know you were going to show this to John at some point, anyway.

VRISKA: Here, take this.  
JOHN: wait why are you giving me this?  
VRISKA: Just... just look at it. There’s a whole 8unch of dreams I’ve documented in there, most of which are just that, 8ut four of them...  
VRISKA: Four of them are recurring dreams I have. Well, “dreams” is the wrong word. They’re completely lucid compil8tions of memories. Some good, some 8ad. All important. Somehow, I know they’re all important.  
VRISKA: I’ve given them, like, titles, so that I can keep track of what’s what.

John flicks through the journal aimlessly. Silently, you curse yourself for having written your deadname in there. But it’s important John sees this.

JOHN: aridisol, sanguine, apostasy...  
JOHN: great names by the way.  
JOHN: aha! found the fourth one!  
JOHN: asmodeus is a pretty great name too actually.

He flicks to the next page, then back, then forth, multiple times. He furrows his brow.

JOHN: there’s... nothing written here.  
VRISKA: Yeah, that’s the pro8lem. 8ecause I can’t remember what it was I was dreaming of!  
VRISKA: All I remember is that I’ve 8een having this dream every now and then for almost two years, 8ut I can’t remem8er a single thing a8out it!  
VRISKA: It’s, like...

You put your head in your hands and take a deep breath.

VRISKA: Look.  
VRISKA: There are...  
VRISKA: Things that happened to me when I was younger that were so vile, so completely traumatic, that I just can’t remem8er them at all.  
VRISKA: Like, the memories are 8lotted out.  
VRISKA: 8ut I feel like I have to recall it all sooner or l8r. No matter how much I don’t want to.  
VRISKA: And as it stands, I can’t help 8ut 8e curious a8out what it might 8e.  
JOHN: god, i wish i could be like you in that regard.  
VRISKA: What?  
JOHN: oh it’s nothing. i’m just reminiscing on a choice i made about 18 years ago that just... fucked something up forever.  
JOHN: whatever it was i did, it’s the reason we’re in this mess now. whatever that mess actually is.  
VRISKA: You shouldn’t envy me.  
JOHN: if you say so.

His phone buzzes.

JOHN: fuck, hold on. that’ll be harry wondering where i am.

He checks it.

JOHN: welp.  
JOHN: see ya round vriska. good luck with the whole remembering thing.  
VRISKA: Thanks.  
VRISKA: Catch you l8r.

You wave a subtle wave goodbye to him as he stands back and pace walks into the building.

!?!?: You’re right, you know.

You jump in surprise at the man in the coat and hat joining you by the rail the moment you turned away.

!?!?: There’s something uncomfortable that you’re going to have to remember soon. The sooner the better, in fact.  
!?!?: But it’s not the memories you’re forgetting. Hell, most of them you remember clear as day.  
VRISKA: Wh- what...?  
VRISKA: I don’t... I don’t underst8nd.  
!?!?: Bingo.  
VRISKA: ????????  
!?!?: That’s what you’re forgetting.  
!?!?: The understanding. How it all comes together. What it all means.  
VRISKA: How do y8u know this?  
VRISKA: I don’t even know you, 8nd here you are 8cting like you know my mind better th8n I do!  
!?!?: Nah, that’s not it. I don’t know that much about you, aside from the basics.  
!?!?: Your name is Vriska Aranea Harley, eighteen years of age, Thief of Light, basic background stuff like that.  
!?!?: I think you also indirectly killed me once? But whatever, I don’t really give a shit about that.  
!?!?: Seemed like an honest mistake, actually. And not really your fault, anyway.  
!?!?: Ha! Look at me, getting sidetracked this badly the first fucking time I talk to you.  
VRISKA: ...You’re not who I thought you were.  
!?!?: I don’t think I’m really much of anyone, actually.  
!?!?: Definitely not someone as important as you.  
!?!?: Just think of me as like a weird old spook keeping tabs and watching your back.  
VRISKA: That doesn’t make me feel a whole lot 8etter a8out a total stranger spying on me.  
!?!?: :(  
VRISKA: Again, you haven’t explained how the fuck you know what’s 8een going on in my dreams.  
!?!?: I don’t.  
!?!?: But I know a few people who do.  
!?!?: It’s better you don’t know who, or how. It’d probably kinda fuck you up a little if you did.  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: Does mom know?  
VRISKA: The last thing I want is for her to, like, know a8out this. 8ecause it’d worry her.  
VRISKA: It might even prompt her to do something stupid, and that’s something I don’t think either of us can afford.  
!?!?: Yeah, don’t worry. Your hot mom doesn’t know a thing.  
!?!?: Shit, I mean your mom.  
!?!?: Your regular, normal, hot mom doesn’t know a thing.  
!?!?: Well there goes my cover, I guess.  
!?!?: Whatever. You get the picture.  
VRISKA: >::::/  
VRISKA: Look, I don’t know if you’re trying to help me with something, 8ut you’re really not.  
!?!?: Yeah, I figured.  
!?!?: But I *can* help.  
!?!?: You wanted to remember, right?  
!?!?: Well, I can make you remember. But you’re not going to like what you see.  
VRISKA: I know.  
VRISKA: 8ut I have to.  
VRISKA: If you’re giving me this choice, well...  
VRISKA: I don’t think it’s really much of a choice at all.  
!?!?: That’s fair. Your funeral, you know?

You stand perfectly still for a few seconds, waiting for him to do something.

!?!?: Why are you standing like that?  
VRISKA: I don’t know, I’m w8ing for you to remind me or something. Aren’t you gonna do some weird magical metaphysical shit?  
!?!?: Yeah, I just did. I’m just not into making a big deal out of it.  
VRISKA: Well, that’s disappointing. I thought you were gonna, like, 8litz my chakras or something like that.  
!?!?: Oh, right.  
!?!?: No, don’t worry about it.  
!?!?: Your chakras are like, so blitzed right now. It’s insane.  
VRISKA: ...Huh.  
!?!?: Anyway, I should get going. This fake voice is fucking decimating my throat.

You consider telling him that it’s beyond fucking obvious how clearly he’s Dave, but you don’t. He’s put way too much work into whatever this disguise is, and you don’t want to ruin it for him.

You make your own way home in the end. When you let yourself in, you find that Jade’s already fast asleep on the couch.  
You remember the first conversation you had in here. The one where Rose told you that once you turn eighteen, you’re legally allowed to leave this place. A mere two years, she had said, and you’d be fine to go.  
But you didn’t.

Funny, that.

In an exhausted stupor, you remove your makeup, brush your teeth and head off the bed. You get under the covers, and close your eyes. It doesn’t take long for you to fall asleep.

And when you do, you remember.


	8. Night 4: ASMODEUS

The night begins as any other would: You claw your way out of your recuperacoon with sopor still clinging to your arms and your hair, you open your eyes to take in the pink and green light of the outside sky - Oh hey! Full green moon tonight! - clean yourself off rigorously, get dressed (into the same shit as always, of course), go to-

Ding.

Your computer lets out a soft ping, heralding the incoming of a new message. Which, sure. That’s fine and all. That’s normal.

But you’ve set Trollian to Do Not Disturb.

Whatever. It’s probably just a weird bug. Let’s see who it is and what they have to say.

Good evening, Ms. Serket. I trust you slept well.  
AG: Oh, hey! How’s it going?  
As inevitably, inexorably, and eternally as always, of course.  
And believe me, I do mean always.  
But the state of my affairs is no matter, and will continue as such for over six centuries. My reasons for contacting you are far more pressing, naturally.  
It concerns an expansive and convoluted tapestry of events stretching many quadrillions of years into both the future and the past which you and I have the great pleasure of finding ourselves woven into, despite the individual stitches seeming either perfectly innocuous or completely incomprehensible when divorced from the greater context of the whole.  
AG: One of your convoluted 8ullshit gam8its, I’m guessing?  
Not of my own design, hardly convoluted from my own point of reference, and based entirely within the strict temporal framework for such plots that the alpha timeline may allow, but from your perspective I can understand how this unfolding of events would be seen as such.  
AG: Man, you’re always fucking littering your spiels with total jargon like that!!!!!!!! Way to get me all pumped up first thing in the morning!  
AG: Whatever it is you’re trying to tell me, in your opaque, fucked up way, I’m listening.  
I’m wholly aware.  
You are soon to receive an offer from a former foe with whom you have never conferred. It’s imperative that you do as he says, despite some long term consequences of doing so seeming to be to your own detriment.  
AG: >::::O! What kind of offer? You can’t just 8e all mysterious and weird like that and not ela8or8, I’m on the edge of my fucking seat!!!!!!!!  
One of ultimate reprisal, even though it will quickly prove itself fruitless.  
AG: Could you 8e more specific?  
Yes.  
AG: ........  
AG: Fine. You’re gonna 8e like that.  
One more crucial detail:  
No subterfuge is being employed, or will be employed, by your collaborator-to-be. At no point will he deliberately mislead you, and at no point will anything he does yield an unfortunate outcome for you.  
AG: What the fuck do you mean, “deli8er8ly”? You’re not the kind of guy to throw an adver8 into the fray of the convers8tion without good fucking reason. Which means he IS going to mislead me!  
AG: Ha! 8et you don’t feel so smart now, huh????????  
If you’ll recall, I already noted that his scheme would ultimately be in vain.  
But you’re correct in assuming that its failure is neither his intention nor his doing.  
AG: Oh. Right.  
On the other hand, such failure is in the best interests of all parties involved, even though it may never come to visibly present itself as such.  
AG: Oh, come ONNNNNNNN!  
AG: How am I supposed to trust what you’re telling me if you word it so vaguely all the time? Geeeeeeeez! I woke up ten minutes ago, and already I’ve had it up to here with your cryptic weirdo schtick!  
AG: When you say “in the 8est interests of all parties involved”, you’re going to have to directly confirm that that includes me, you know!  
Especially you, and, when the time comes, eleven of your colleagues to an equal extent.  
I’ve kept you long enough at this point. If you’ll help yourself to breakfast, you’ll find he will message you precisely upon your return.  
One last thing of note, though, as I’ve neglected to mention it in the few perigees which have come to pass since its immediate relevance:  
“Vriska Serket” is, by all accounts, a very pretty name. I think it suits you.  
AG: I’m glad you think so. I agree!  
AG: Anyway, I’ll go gra8 myself some 8r8kfast now. 8yeeeeeeee!  
Farewell.  
That said, now that Ms. Serket has made herself scarce and doesn’t intend to read this particular log ever again, you and I can discuss matters far more privately.  
Forgive my clandestine approach (I’d call it a necessary precaution, but what with my near-absolute awareness of the unfolding of events, caution is hardly something I need to exercise). You can understand how bizarre it would seem to her if I were to address you directly in her presence.  
I merely come with some words of admonishment, for those of you less gifted with foresight than I: the fact of the matter is that this particular chapter of the chronicle of Ms. Serket’s upbringing might be considered by some to be anomalous in its subject matter.  
While I risk the cessation of your ability to, in the inappropriately vulgar words of a very talented seer who has not yet come to be, “give a shit”, I still find such conference with you all for the sake of your collective comfort absolutely necessary. After all, what is a puppet master, no matter how great his talent or diverse his puppets, without his audience?  
As you are well aware at this point, it is by my hand that Alternia had come to be. Thus, I’m sure it’s apparent that one way or another, the unfolding of Ms. Serket’s upbringing is ultimately my doing. My opus. My creation.  
You may criticize me for this. I understand completely.  
You may also criticize me for my efforts to obscure particular pieces of information by neglecting to mention key details when you would deem their revelation appropriate, rather than when I would. Perhaps you’d hoped that I, the one responsible for this facet of this tale, might have informed you of its contents sooner. I disagreed then, and I’ll continue to disagree now.  
After all, it is you who is opting to delve into the archived, abandoned, forgotten corners of her past. I’ll not tell you what you’ll find, but I don’t blame you if my lack of explanation compels you to refrain from perusing this particular chapter.  
  
All this is a lot to say that the creator chooses not to use archive warnings.  
  
As for those of you who instead decide to continue forth, despite my advisory soliloquy, I merely hope you’ll rethink your assessment of me as somehow voyeuristic or depraved: my understanding of what is to come is merely a consequence of my omniscience. You, on the other hand, are browsing this tale by choice.  
Not to insult you for doing so, of course. Your quest for knowledge is both admirable and essential; my interrogation of the moral uncertainty of your decision is simply food for thought - a rarity for the omniscient.

After you’re done with breakfast, oblivious to the monologue which had just been sent to your Trollian (as crucial as it will soon prove to be to its intended audience), you climb back up to your room and look over at your computer. No new messages. Ha, you knew it! That guy’s all talk, like, ninety percent of the-

abyssopelagicBifurcator began trolling arachnidsGrip.

AB: Hey, Mind//fang.  
AB: This is Death//fin. Not sure if you remember me.  
AG: Hm, yeah. The name doesn’t exactly ring a dong shouter!  
AG: Did we flarp together? I wouldn’t know. I have played off against a few hundred suckers in my time, so forgive me if I can’t exactly keep track of the alias of every single one of you!  
AB: You exploded my fucking ship.  
AG: Hmmmmmmmm! Could you 8e a little more specific?  
AB: Oh, fuck off.  
AB: Listen up, ass//hole. I’m here on a task of the highest importance, and I really can’t think of any//one else to turn to.  
AG: Makes sense, I guess. After all, I'm kind of a 8ig deal in these circles!!!!!!!!  
AB: Ohhhhh my god, you are not making this easy.  
AB: Look, let me make my case.  
AB: Dual//scar murdered my kismesis, and you’re the only eye//witness.  
AG: W8, really???????? News to me!  
AB: Does the name “Admiral Obsidian Salacia” mean anything to you?  
AG: Oh.  
AG: Of course.  
AG: Well, I’m not sure how much I can tell you! The two of them had a 8lood feud, so he was totally within his rights to have killed her, right?  
AB: Sure.  
AB: But I’m equally justified in seeking revenge.  
AB: All I need is some//body backing up my case, and before you know it every violet//blood in a twelve nautical mile radius is going to take my side on this.  
AB: Help me out here, and tonight, I’ll give him the fate he deserves.  
AG: Hold on. You’re planning on killing him????????  
AB: Is that a problem?  
AG: No, it’s fine!!!!!!!! Count me in!

What the fuck? This is in your best interests????????

Well, it’s not as if you’d never thought about doing it yourself... it’s just...

Wow, uh, Eridan Ampora. Killing. Killing Eridan Ampora.

Shit. Well, at least this plan is supposed to fail? Not that you want it to fail, of course! You’ll be happy when he’s dead and gone! But also, the fact that you already know the outcome of this also feels like a huge weight off your shoulders!

AB: Meet me at the shore of where we fought each other. We’ll take my ship, obviously.  
AB: I think a violet//blood’s vessel is far more appropriate for accommodating a crowd of the size I had in mind.

⁂

You have to admit, you were not expecting... what, twenty? Twenty-five violetbloods? For what, hunting down one guy?

MINDFANG: (So, what? Am I just supposed to tell all these guys what happened?)  
DEATHFIN: (Not yet. We’re taking this to his hive.)  
DEATHFIN: (I want him to be there when the time comes. I want to see the horror in his eyes.)  
DEATHFIN: (I want him to know the exact moment every//one here gives me the go ahead to cleave him clean in half.)  
MINDFANG: (Which... which way in half?)  
DEATHFIN: (I don’t know. Did you have a direction in mind?)  
MINDFANG: (Through... the... um, the waist????????)  
DEATHFIN: (Excellent choice! That way I’m only cutting one vital blood vessel and just letting him bleed out. I like the way you think!)

Wow, he’s uh. He’s actually going to die. You weren’t expecting that. Not that you’re in any position to object, of course. You know full well that he deserves it.

Wait, no! No, of course he’s not going to die, remember? The white text guy confirmed that much for you, this plan’s gonna flop!

It doesn’t take long to reach his place, and the coastline looks to be clear, save for his own ship, and obviously his hive (which is also a ship?). You stop a short way offshore and drop your anchor.

MINDFANG: Hey, why did we stop?  
DEATHFIN: Low tide.  
DEATHFIN: His weird island thing is normally a lot smaller than that so we’d be able to land closer in around the other side. There’s a great bank for it over there.  
DEATHFIN: As it stands, though, this is the best shot we’ve got.  
DEATHFIN: You can swim, right?  
MINDFANG: Of course I can swim, what do you take me for????????  
DEATHFIN: Excellent! In that case, this is the end of the line.  
DEATHFIN: Alright, gang. Let’s get his ass!  
MINDFANG: W8!!!!!!!!

But it’s too late. The mob abandons ship hastily, brandishing and unlimbering a wide variety of weapons and shouting with excitement.

That leaves just you alone on the boat.

Fuck.

Without any other choice, you run up to the bow and oh fuck that’s a long- that is a long way down.

Shit. Fuck. Shit! Fuck!

Okay, Vriska. You can do this. Just close your eyes and juAAAAAAAA!

The water hits you like a sack of bricks and knocks the wind from your lungs. This presents a far bigger problem, because there’s no more air to replace it. You take a deep breath in, and feel seawater fill your sinuses. Everything looks dark.

It’s... very dark, actually. And quiet. It’s very, very quiet.

What’s more, it’s so, so cold. Terrifyingly cold. Crushingly, suffocatingly dark, and quiet, and cold, and alone.

You think...

You think you’ll just... just take... take a quick nap. Yeah, that’s right. Just a little nap, because you’re so tired.

Goodday.

H...

H- hey.

Hey. What?

Hey, hey, wait, what????????

You gasp for air the moment your face breaches the surface, struggling desperately to fill your lungs again. Someone’s holding your head up out of the water. Who...?

FEFERI: O)( )(ey, you’re alive!  
VRISKA: Whmnh-?  
FEFERI: You would )(ave DROWN-ED if I wasn’t in the fis)(inity! You reelly oug)(t to be more careful!  
VRISKA: In the... the what?  
VRISKA: What........?

You rub the water out of your eyes and try to blow as much out of your nose as you can. You blink a few times. What just... huh????????

A young seadwelling woman holds you by the scruff of the neck and carries you to the shore. You hit the beach, the salt water sticking sand in your hair and all through your clothes. You need a moment before you can stand up again.

FEFERI: You certainly could )(ave c)(osen a betta day to come around )(ere!  
FEFERI: A bunc)( of violetblood ASS)(OL-ES seasided to give my friend Eridan a )(ard time over... I’m not exactly s)(ore, but I bet it’s stupid as always! 38/  
VRISKA: Sea... sided...?  
FEFERI: Decided.  
FEFERI: I’ll admit t)(at one was kind of a stretc)(!  
VRISKA: Oh, right. Yeah, that’s why we are here.  
VRISKA: Sorry to 8urst your 8u88le, 8ut I’m not, like, a total random who wound up here 8y pure coincidence.  
VRISKA: This friend of yours? Eridan? He’s not a good person. He killed a totally innocent girl a while ago, and now a whole 8unch of her friends are out to 8ring him to justice!  
VRISKA: So I suggest you either fall in line with the other violets out for his 8lood, or you WOAUGH!!!!!!!!

The instant you get to your feet, you see the crest of her bloodline upon her shirt.

Well, this uh. Certainly changes things!!!!!!!!

You kneel before her and mutter like a million apologies under your breath.

FEFERI: Ummm...  
FEFERI: I don’t t)(ink all t)(is wors)(ipping is reelly necessary!  
FEFERI: Please stand up.  
VRISKA: Yes, ma’am!

You rise to your feet, fists on your hips.

FEFERI: Don’t do t)(at.  
VRISKA: R- right.  
VRISKA: Hey, uh... can I go? I’m gonna have to provide an account of Eridan’s crimes, so that we can-  
FEFERI: Um!  
FEFERI: )(ow about not killing )(im?  
FEFERI: Personally I t)(ink t)(at sounds like a wonderful idea!  
VRISKA: Alright, genius. What would you suggest instead?

Before she can answer, her phone beeps. She raises a finger to you, violently halting the conversation like a hoofbeast on train tracks. She checks her messages, furrows her brow, pinches the bridge of her nose.

FEFERI: Ooo)( t)(at’s weird. 38O  
FEFERI: )(ey do you know anyone named “Vriska”?

She pauses, and you can tell she’s trying to figure out how to incorporate one of her weird fish pun things into your name. You swear, if she settles on “Fishka”, you’re going to do an acrobatic fucking pirhouette back out into the mysterious depths of the ocean.

VRISKA: That’s me.  
FEFERI: )(mmm?  
VRISKA: I’m Vriska.  
FEFERI: O)(! My bad!  
FEFERI: I just assumed it was a girl’s name.

You open your mouth to correct her, but you pause. Wait, did...? You wipe a finger across your cheek.  
Cerulean. Your makeup must have washed off in the ocean.

God.

Fucking.

Dammit.

FEFERI: T)(en I guess t)(is is for you!

She hands her phone to you. You take it.

CC: Oh, what the fuck do you want?  
Had you not stopped to consider that when Ms. Peixes objects to the execution of Mr. Ampora, it is a sign that she herself is the mechanism by which the plot against him would fail?  
CC: No, 8ecause that’s stupid.  
CC: Doesn’t implic8ing the heiress into this seem like a liiiiiiiittle 8it of overkill?  
No.  
CC: No????????  
If you knew the scope of the end goal I’ve been working to achieve, you’d use that word far more sparingly.  
CC: You mean, the goal *I’ve* 8een working to achieve.  
Yes.  
CC: Alright, genius. Explain how she fits into the picture.  
Is an explanation really necessary?  
CC: What do you mean?  
Is an explanation really necessary?  
CC: Oh, fuck OFFFFFFFF!  
CC: Hello?  
CC: W8, come 8ack! I didn’t mean it!!!!!!!!

Ugh. Fine! Why is he so hard to deal with sometimes????????  
You hand your phone back to the heiress and shove your hands in your pockets.  
Think, Vriska, think! How could you make her useful? How could you use her to tear this whole plan down?

VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: I have a plan to save Eridan’s dum8 ass, 8ut you’re going to have to 8ack me up on this.

⁂

With your hands bound behind your back, Feferi leads you rather forcefully into the angry mob that had formed around Eridan’s hive. She shoves you to your knees. You don’t get up.  
The crowd parts, and you see some violet woman - Triaki, you think her name was - holding Eridan tightly by the collar. They both turn to you. Everyone else falls dead silent.

ERIDAN: wwait wwhat the fuck  
FEFERI: Alrig)(t, “Deat)(fin”,

Feferi proudly proclaims, the fact that neither you nor her know his real name being perhaps the only flaw in this plan,

FEFERI: I captured t)(at blueblood like you said!

Immediately, all eyes are on him. For him to not only capture you for the sake of this trial, but to rope the heiress herself into it, is a colossal shot across the bow to his credibility.  
His mouth hangs slightly ajar. You think you see a few stray beads of sweat spontaneously coalesce upon his brow. He silently mouths the words, “I didn’t...” but thinks better than to call a fuchsia a liar.

DEATHFIN: Um...  
DEATHFIN: Right. Absolutely. Sure. Okay. Hm.  
DEATHFIN: I’d, ummmm,  
DEATHFIN: (How do legis/lacerators do this?)  
DEATHFIN: I’d like to call to the, uh,  
DEATHFIN: Well, the ground, I guess.  
DEATHFIN: Our first, and tragically only witness, Marquise Spinneret Mind//fang.  
DEATHFIN: Mindfang, would you mind explaining your relationship to this man?

He gestures to Eridan, still very tightly held by the collar, and not looking great in the being-able-to-breathe department. You bare your teeth.

MINDFANG: I have never seen this dipshit 8efore in my life.

In an instant, all hell breaks loose. The crowd quickly arranges itself into two factions: one which believes the case to be too flimsy, given its lack of witnesses, organisation, and just general decorum, and the other, comprised of a sub-faction who don’t believe you, and a sub-faction who will gladly do anything for a chance to throttle Eridan.  
The brawl gets progressively more frenzied the more combatants resort to using their weapons. You think you see someone get stabbed at one point as Feferi drags you away from the skirmish.  
Suddenly, a tremendous explosion shakes the makeshift battlefield. You turn to look at what it came from. So does everyone else.

ERIDAN: MY HIVVE  
ERIDAN: WWHAT THE FUCK

“Hive” was a stretch before. Now it can’t really be called anything beyond “Two halves of a hive” at best.

ERIDAN: WWHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS

The combatants look among themselves. Does anyone have any intention of owning up to it? No, it seems not. Does... anyone really have any interest in doing something worse than blowing up his hive? Three or four people do (Deathfin himself included), but it’s obvious that trying with such small numbers wouldn’t get very far. Besides, they all secretly agree that blowing his hive up is a pretty sweet compromise.

As one, the angry mob all decide to fuck right off.

With just the three of you remaining, Feferi runs over to Eridan without realizing she hasn’t undone your bindings. She drags you across the sand like a sled with more force than you care to resist.

ERIDAN: holy fuckin shit ota youvve really done it noww  
ERIDAN: i dont knoww wwhat it wwas you did but wwhatevver it is youvve really done it  
VRISKA: Alright, first off: it’s Vriska now.  
ERIDAN: vvriska huh  
ERIDAN: howw come you didnt tell me that before  
VRISKA: 8ecause I h8 you and I’m trying to keep you out of my life!!!!!!!!  
ERIDAN: oh i get it

He winks. You should have kept your mouth shut and let him die.

VRISKA: And second, I just saved your stupid worthless douche8ag hide!  
VRISKA: You owe me in a huge way.  
ERIDAN: i dont owwe you shit vvris  
ERIDAN: kismesis or not youre still just another fuckin midblood to me  
FEFERI: -Eridan, be nice! )(e just SAV----ED Y-  
ERIDAN: She.  
FEFERI: O)(, u)(...?  
VRISKA: Yep. She.  
FEFERI: O)( my bad! I reelly need to be betta at t)(is kind of stuff, it’s j-  
VRISKA: Ugh. It’s fiiiiiiiine.  
FEFERI: Still t)(oug)( I agree wit)( Fis)(ka!

Aaaaaaaargh.

ERIDAN: alright fine  
ERIDAN: name yer price  
VRISKA: Hm........  
VRISKA: You still interested in killing all landdwellers?  
ERIDAN: you fuckin knoww it  
ERIDAN: all the landdwwellers vvris  
ERIDAN: all of em  
FEFERI: ---ERIDAN!!!  
VRISKA: No, no, it’s cool. That’s actually the answer I was hoping for.  
VRISKA: Do you have any weapons of mass destruction with which one miiiiiiiight do just that?  
VRISKA: Hypothetically, of course. :::;)  
ERIDAN: a course  
ERIDAN: ivve got some old schematics for doomsday devvices from centuries ago if youre into that kinda thing  
VRISKA: I’m interested.  
ERIDAN: i wwas actually plannin on buildin them myself but if a landhag is offerin to do all the dirty wwork for me wwho am i to object  
ERIDAN: still though nobody but you is insane enough to actually wwant to build em and skilled enough to pull it off  
ERIDAN: so good fuckin luck i guess youre on your owwn wwith this one  
VRISKA: Oh, don’t worry! Leave that part to me.

He doesn’t need to be insane, he just needs to be gullible. And you’d say he is.

FEFERI: I just want to stress )(ow muc)( I t)(ink t)(is is an ABYSMAL deal!  
ERIDAN: cmon fef just leavve twwo kismeses to flirt a little wwill you  
FEFERI: 38(  
FEFERI: If it’s going to tide you over until you sea )(ow T-ERRIBL-E an idea t)(is is t)(en FIN-----E!  
ERIDAN: wwell i mean i wwont because its not but wwhatevver right  
ERIDAN: anywway look vvris  
ERIDAN: ill do it on one condition  
VRISKA: Ugh, fine. What is it?

He takes your hand in his and pulls you back up to your feet. When you stand up and dust yourself off, he looks at you as if he might cry if you hurt his feelings.

ERIDAN: please come back to our old seafarin advventures  
VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: Ugh, alright. 8ut I have a condition of my own, okay?  
VRISKA: I’ll 8ust out the old 8rigantine again... as long as I can reap the spoils of your conquest.  
ERIDAN: wwhat  
ERIDAN: kind of  
ERIDAN: spoils  
VRISKA: Oh, you knoooooooow.  
VRISKA: A girl’s gotta feed her lusus, after all!

His face lights up.

ERIDAN: its a fuckin deal

⁂

That took far longer than it should have, you think to yourself. You kneel, beaten and bruised, while Her mandibles impale another friend of yours for your tardiness. The flesh and sinew in his back rips apart, and the lining of some vital organ lets out a thick, wet pop. Something sprays onto your shirt. It’s not blood. But it’s also not *not* blood.  
You finally work up the willpower to wrest control of your body back when Her fangs powderize a vertebra or four. You’ve had enough of Her, and you can tell She’s had equally enough of you.

You guess that’s just how it is now. You don’t need to so much as exchange a word. That suits you just fine! You huff on your departure and walk up the far, far too many stairs.  
This is bullshit! All you are to her is a fucking weapon, and what’s more, the only one in her arsenal. And when you’re a giant child eating spider, you guess everything must look like a big red target.

You look out the window on your ascent, and not for the first time, you think about how easy it would be to jump out and disarm her permanently.

Oh, what a fucking hero you’d be if you did! You’d be an absolute MARTYR! You’d be remembered forever as Vris-

Well, not as that, but you’d certainly be remembered. Point is, think of all the people you could save, now and forever, if you just took one step to your right, right now.

But you don’t.

Fucking coward.

It seems your endeavour went exactly as planned. Excellent work, Ms. Serket.  
AG: What the fuck, asshole????????  
AG: You said this shit was going to 8e for the gr8er good!  
I never said that.  
In fact, I’d argue that there’s no such thing.  
AG: Oh, well shit! I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention last time, huh????????  
AG: I guess I didn’t revise my notes well enough 8efore having a 8asic fucking convers8tion with you, and now my friend is dead 8ecause I forgot to ask you whether or not any friends of mine were going to get 8rutally murdered as a result of me not getting 8ack home fast enough.  
AG: Wow, what an essential detail to ask a8out every mysterious event you’re sent on 8y a guy who won’t even tell you what it is! I don’t know how THAT managed to slip my mind!!!!!!!!  
AG: This is your fault!  
AG: IT’S YOUR FAULT HE’S DEAD AND I H8 YOU!!!!!!!!  
Do you?  
AG: YES! OF CO8RSE I F8CKING H8 YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Very well. In that case, I cordially invite you to block me, if it would put your mind at ease.  
arachnidsGrip has blocked .  
Not that doing so is any more than a symbolic gesture, but the meaning is understood.  
It is then subsequently disregarded entirely, as a thoughtless whim of a petulant child.  
AG: WH8T????????  
arachnidsGrip has blocked .  
arachnidsGrip has blocked .  
Your persistence is admirable, certainly.  
arachnidsGrip has blocked .  
And persistence is a matter I like to consider myself something of an expert upon.  
arachnidsGrip has blocked .  
arachnidsGrip has blocked .  
arachnidsGrip has blocked .  
But it will do you no favors.  
arachnidsGrip has blocked .  
You’d already figured that out, though.  
AG: What the fuck are you?  
That’s a very broad question, with endless possibilities for answers. I’m going to go with, “remarkably jovial, given the circumstances”.  
AG: Ughhhhhhhh, just GO AW8Y! I NEVER W8NT TO T8LK TO YOU AG8IN!!!!!!!!  
Very well. If you ever change your mind, though, you know where I am.  
AG: Are you KIDDING ME???????? I just told you to FUCK 8FF!  
Yes.  
It was a joke, you see.  
One, because my current location is a mystery that shall elude, and possibly haunt you, for the remainder of your life.  
Two, because I know exactly when, and how many times, you will come to change your mind.  
And three, because when the time comes, I’ll be the one to contact you.  
Until then, Ms. Serket. Look after yourself in my absence.

You end that conversation feeling even more drained than before. Not to mention stressed! You’re so stressed right now, it’s insane. You’ve gotta... gotta relieve yourself. Somehow.

Well. Here’s a stupid weight you’ve been thinking of getting off your ugly flat little chest for a while now. The only thing is... the fallout isn’t going to be pretty.  
But hey. It’s what you deserve, right?

AG: Heeeeeeeey, Terezi. I have a confession to m8ke, 8ut you’re not gonna like it!  
GC: SHOULD 1 B3 WORR13D?  
AG: Extremely.

No, shit. Don’t send that. That sounds too much like the white text guy. Let’s try something else.

AG: Pro8a8ly!  
AG: The thing is...  
AG: Aradia and Tavros aren’t the only two mem8ers of their team left 8ecause everyone else quit.  
AG: They’re the only two left 8ecause...  
AG: 8ecause of how hungry she was.  
GC: HOW HUNGRY WHO W4S  
AG: Do I need to say it?  
GC: 1 GU3SS NOT  
GC: BUT 1 W4S K1ND OF HOP1NG TH4T W4SNT WH3R3 YOU W3R3 GO1NG W1TH TH4T  
AG: I wish it wasn’t.  
GC: DO3S 4R4D14 KNOW  
AG: Fuck no!!!!!!!! Can you imagine what would happen if she found out????????  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD T3LL H3R  
GC: 3V3NTU4LLY 4T L34ST  
AG: May8e one day, 8ut...  
AG: As it stands, you are the only person in the world I think I can trust.  
AG: I wish it didn’t have to 8e this way.  
AG: 8ut hey! Only, what? Three more sweeps until we’re adults, right? Then I can leave my stupid lusus 8ehind for good and make sure she will never hurt anyone ever again!  
GC: Y34H 1 GU3SS YOUR3 R1GHT  
GC: BUT 3 SW33PS 1S 4 PR3TTY LONG T1M3  
AG: It’ll 8e over 8efore you know it, just you watch!!!!!!!!  
GC: H4H4H4 Y34H YOUR3 PROB4BLY R1GHT  
GC: H3Y  
GC: WH3N YOUR 8TH WR1GGL1NG D4Y F1N4LLY ROLLS 4ROUND D1D YOU H4V3 4NYON3 1N M1ND YOU W4NT3D TO C3L3BR4T3 W1TH  
AG: I don’t know. Do you think we might still 8e friends 8y then?  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4 OH MY GOD VR1SK4  
GC: NOT L1K3 TH4T  
GC: 1 M34N YOUR3 GONN4 B3 OLD 3NOUGH TO ST4RT SUBM1TT1NG M4T3R14L  
GC: SO YOUR CONCUP1SC3NT QU4DR4NTS B3TT3R H4V3 4 P41R OF LOS3RS R34DY TO DO TH31R B1T OR 3LS3 YOUR3 FUCK3D

You know exactly what she meant. You didn’t expect she’d be so... uninterested, though.

You mean! It’s not like there’s nobody else you can think of! She’s just, you know! Convenient!

AG: Well, I was thinking may8e Kanaya, you know?  
GC: WH4T  
GC: 4 J4D3BLOOD?  
AG: Yeah!!!!!!!!  
GC: W3LL 1 GU3SS YOU WOULDNT KNOW S1NC3 YOU DONT STUDY TH3 L4W HUH  
AG: Know what?  
GC: J4D3BLOODS 4R3NT 4LLOW3D TO  
GC: YOU KNOW  
AG: Oh, shit! Really?  
AG: Like, at all?  
GC: 3X4CTLY L1K3 4T 4LL  
AG: Damn! Well I guess that narrows my options down just that 8it more, huh.  
GC: HON3STLY DONT WORRY  
GC: 3 SW33PS 1S PL3NTY OF T1M3 TO F1GUR3 4LL TH1S STUFF OUT  
AG: I guess you’re right.  
AG: What a8out you?  
GC: 3H  
GC: B34TS M3  
GC: 1 DONT R34LLY TH1NK 4BOUT TH1S K1ND OF TH1NG  
GC: BUT L1K3 1 S41D  
GC: PL3NTY OF T1M3

⁂

VRISKA: Hey, Terezi?

She joins you in looking out over the bow of the 8rigantine. Eridan’s been keeping you in practice with her (both the ship and Terezi, actually) these last few perigees, whether he’s playing with or against you.

VRISKA: Thanks for coming out here tonight. I know you didn’t really like the first time.  
VRISKA: Or the first few times, actually!  
TEREZI: 1TS F1N3  
TEREZI: 4CTU4LLY 1 TH1NK 1TS PR3TTY COOL TH4T W3 G3T TO FR33 4LL TH3 OTH3R T34MS CR3WS  
VRISKA: Yeah, only to feed them to my fucking lusus!  
TEREZI: YOU M34N ONLY TH3 B4D GUYS  
VRISKA: O8viousy.  
VRISKA: Have you judged them yet?  
TEREZI: NOT Y3T  
VRISKA: Ugh, you take so loooooooong!  
TEREZI: 1M JOK1NG OF COURS3 1M DON3  
TEREZI: SH33SH WHY DO YOU TH1NK 1 TOOK SO LONG  
TEREZI: TH3R3S NOTH1NG 3LS3 TO DO FOR 4 WH1L3 4NYW4Y  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT 3X4CTLY L1K3 W3 H4V3 4 D3CK OF C4RDS OR 4NYTH1NG 4ND TH3 ONLY S3T OF D1C3 1N 4 G4Z1LL1ON N4UT1C4L M1L3 R4D1US 1S F1RMLY STUCK UP YOUR 4SS  
TEREZI: NOT TH4T 1 COULDNT T4K3 1T FROM YOU 1F 1 R34LLY W4NT3D TO BUT YOU G3TT1NG M4D 4BOUT 1T WOULD M4K3 TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG NOT WORTH TH3 TROUBL3

You pat your pockets. Thank fuck, they’re still there.

VRISKA: Don’t even joke a8out that!!!!!!!!  
TEREZI: OH MY GOD WHY 4R3 YOU 4LW4YS 1N SUCH 4 SH1TTY MOOD NOW4D4YS  
TEREZI: YOUR3 1MPOSS1BL3 TO T4LK TO WH3N YOU G3T L1K3 TH1S!  
VRISKA: Oh, am I???????? Am I just fucking insuffera8le to you????????  
TEREZI: OK4Y 1 N3V3R S41D TH4T  
VRISKA: 8ut you meant it!!!!!!!!  
TEREZI: OH MY FUCK1NG GOD  
TEREZI: 4R3 W3 S3R1OUSLY H4V1NG TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON OV3R 4 JOK3  
TEREZI: YOU FL1P YOUR SH1T L1K3 4 W1GGL3R WH3N 1 G3T 4LL ST3RN 4ND TRY TO G1V3 T34M SCOURG3 3V3N TH3 T1N1EST B1T OF ORD3R  
TEREZI: 4ND TH3N WH3N 1 R3L4X 4ND JOK3 4ROUND YOU ST1LL P1SS YOURS3LF OV3R 1T  
TEREZI: WH4T 1S WRONG W1TH YOU?!  
VRISKA: Oh, shut up!  
VRISKA: Just shut the fuck up, alright????????  
VRISKA: I’m fine! Whatever, who cares how I’m feeling? That’s not fucking important.  
VRISKA: What’s... just give me the verdict on the prisoners.  
TEREZI: UGH 4LR1GHT 1F YOU 1NS1111ST  
TEREZI: N1N3 1NNOC3NT, F1V3 GU1LTY

Shit, only five? That’s not going to keep Her quiet.  
Fourteen, though. That’s far more acceptable, if you can be sneaky about it.

VRISKA: Nice! Nine new trainees, huh?  
VRISKA: May8e this time some of them will 8e good enough to stay on the team!  
TEREZI: 4R3 TH3Y 3V3R  
VRISKA: Well I mean, no, 8uuuuuuuut... that doesn’t mean none of these guys will 8e!  
TEREZI: YOUR ST4ND4RDS 4R3 1MPOSS1BL3 THOUGH >:[  
VRISKA: Not impossi8le! 8y no means impossi8le! After all, you’re on the team!  
TEREZI: TH4TS NOT 4 F41R COMP4R1SON  
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 1 W4S 4 SP3C14L C4S3  
VRISKA: Yeah, of course you are.  
VRISKA: And anyone else who makes the cut is gonna have to prove that they are, too!  
VRISKA: Hence why my standards are so high, get it?  
VRISKA: If they can 8eat my trials, they stay. Fail, and they have to go.  
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT  
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS TH4TS F41R  
TEREZI: 4FT3R 4LL 1M 4LR34DY JUDG1NG TH3M FOR SOM3TH1NG W4Y MOR3 D1R3 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG  
VRISKA: Yeah, see? It’s all good! I’ve got it under control!

When the 8rigantine reaches the shore again, you send Terezi home. She seemed pretty crabby earlier, probably from too much adventure on the high seas. She concedes to your reasoning and departs. That’s perfect, because it leaves you time to test these new chumps.

Your testing ground is some pretty standard obstacle course shit, but none of it matters. It’s all a front, of course. You’d never use something this basic as a metric (you’re not a fucking idiot, after all!) but it’s a neat little way to weed out the weak. And good god, are there a lot of them!

VRISKA: Did seriously only two of you make it to the final round?  
VRISKA: Well 8n’t that just fucking em8arrassing, huh?  
VRISKA: You twelve could learn a thing or two from these guys. Well, not that it matters anymore. There’s not a whole lot of time you have left to learn stuff!  
VRISKA: Anyway, final round. Which one of you losers wants to go first?

The two look between themselves.

??????: xX_me_i_gue22_Xx  
VRISKA: Alright, gr8! Always liked people with good initi8tive!  
VRISKA: Knock me unconscious.  
??????: xX_uh_Xx  
??????: xX_20rry_wh4t_did_y0u_24y_Xx  
VRISKA: No time for questions. I’m 8eing merciful enough as is in giving you an explan8tion.  
VRISKA: Stay around me long enough, and there’s gonna come a time where I’ll 8e forced, against my will, to use every tool at my disposal to kill you. It’s practically inevita8le!  
VRISKA: After all, the world doesn’t 8elong to the weak, like your twelve friends over here. They’re toast!

You swear, She won’t let you have shit. Just the tiniest slip up, and the next thing you know, there’s ever so slightly more blood on your hands than there was before.  
Who cares, though? It’s all pretty much the fucking same at this point anyway. Anyone not on your list of seven immune friends is as good as a dead, digested carcass in your eyes.

VRISKA: So, again. Show me no mercy. Knock me the fuck out.  
??????: xX_uhhh_Xx  
??????: xX_4lright_if_y0u_24y_20_Xx

He lunges at you. Too easy. You mindjack him and send him over to a large, rough rock lying on the ground. Without question, he picks it up and jabs it into his midsection once, twice, thrice. You watch blood splatter on it and run down his coat as he gores himself on the rock over and over and over and over.

??????: xX_wh4t_Xx  
??????: xX_wh4t_the_fuck_4re_y0u_d0ing_t0_me?!?_Xx

You hear something crack.

??????: xX_PLE42E_WH4TEVER_Y0URE_D0ING_T0_ME_M4KE_IT_2T0P!!!_Xx  
VRISKA: Daaaaaaaamn, giving up so soon? Disappointing.  
VRISKA: Still, though, 8ecause you asked so nicely.

He drops the rock on his foot. Despite his cry of pain, he doesn’t flinch. You don’t allow it.  
In one sharp, mechanical motion, he draws his weapon of choice - a small, black kunai - from his belt, and jabs it into his throat. He drops to the ground. Dead.  
Dead as fuck, actually. Honestly, they don’t come much deader than this.

VRISKA: Alright, gr8. Other guy, you’re up ne-  
TEREZI: STOP R1GHT TH3R3  
VRISKA: T-  
VRISKA: TEREZI????????  
VRISKA: Uh, h8w nice of you t8 join us on th8s lovely night!  
TEREZI: CUT TH3 CR4P VR1SK4 1M NOT FUCK1NG STUP1D  
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R H4PP3N3D TO ONLY K1LL1NG B4D GUYS?  
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R H4PP3N3D TO TH3 TRUST W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO H4V3 FOR 34CH OTH3R  
TEREZI: 4S T34MM4T3S  
TEREZI: 4S S1ST3RS?  
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT YOU S41D YOU W3R3 GONN4 L3T 3V3RYBODY WHO W4SNT GOOD 3NOUGH FOR YOUR R1D1CULOUS ST4ND4RDS GO!  
VRISKA: Oh, they’re “going” alright.  
TEREZI: YOU L13D TO M3 TH1S WHOL3 T1M3  
VRISKA: That’s not true! I-  
TEREZI: UGH 1 DONT W4NT TO H34R TH1S  
TEREZI: YOUR3 4 FUCK1NG MONST3R VR1SK4  
VRISKA: I!  
VRISKA: I know........

She wipes her face with her sleeve. When you’re sure she’s not looking, you do the same.

TEREZI: 1M T3LL1NG 4R4D14 WH4T H4PP3N3D TO T34M CH4RG3  
VRISKA: No, don’t do that! You can’t do that!  
VRISKA: As team leader, I COMMAND you not to do that!  
TEREZI: OH NO! YOUV3 SUR3 GOT M3 TH3R3!  
TEREZI: HOW 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO 4B4NDON MY T34M 1F MY T34M L34D3R T3LLS M3 NOT TO???  
VRISKA: You’re...  
VRISKA: Leaving...?  
TEREZI: 1M TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T  
TEREZI: 1TS PROB4BLY FOR TH3 B3ST

You open your mouth to tell her that this isn’t fair, that none of this is fair, but what’s the fucking point? You know she isn’t going to listen, even though you’re totally right.

Whatever, there’s only so much you can do. You wait until she’s gone, guide all these suckers back to your hive, and slaughter them as quickly as you can. No time to clean off the walls, though: you’re in a bit of a damn hurry here! You’ll deal with it all when you get back!

From there, it’s a race against the clock to Aradia’s hive. It takes three hours to get there, but eventually you make it there just fi- oh shit! Terezi beat you!!!!!!!!

And Tavros is here too? God, this conversation is going to suck. All three of them look furious. You know the signs: Tavros’s timid, limp little sulk, the way Aradia balls her hands into fists and squares her shoulders, Terezi’s folded arms, and the tilt of her head...

No, furious isn’t quite right. They look confused. Betrayed.

Hurt.

For some reason... for some reason, that makes you feel a lot worse.

VRISKA: Alright, alright, I know how it looks, 8ut just let me explain myself first.  
ARADIA: s0 thats it  
ARADIA: everything she t0ld us was true  
ARADIA: y0ure g0ing t0 need a really really g00d justificati0n f0r this  
VRISKA: And I’ve got one! 8elieve me, I’ve got one!  
VRISKA: Look, you saw the way everyone treated me when I showed them who I am.  
VRISKA: It was clear they were willing to 8urn that 8ridge, right? So they shouldn’t have expected to 8e a8le to cross that river!  
ARADIA: what are y0u saying  
ARADIA: that they deserved t0 die just because they c0uldnt understand y0u  
VRISKA: No, a8solutely not!  
VRISKA: 8ut if I haaaaaaaad to pick a 8unch of low8loods to die, doesn’t it make sense that I would choose the people who h8 me the most?  
TAVROS: uHHH,,, tHAT SEEMS LIKE A REALLY WEIRD, aND MORALLY NOT GOOD, hYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO TO JUSTIFY SOME PRETTY HEINOUS BUSINESS, i THINK,  
ARADIA: tav  
ARADIA: its n0t hyp0thetical  
TAVROS: wAIT WHAT,,,,  
ARADIA: vriska actually d0es have t0 pick a-  
VRISKA: HAHA, ALRIGHT! GR8! AWESOME! NOT SURE HE REALLY NEEDS TO 8E HERE AND HEAR ALL THIS STUFF!  
TEREZI: OH COM3 ON VR1SK4  
TEREZI: H3S 1N JUST 4S MUCH D4NG3R 4S 3V3RYON3 3LS3 WHO ST4YS 4ROUND YOU  
VRISKA: Danger? You guys think you’re in danger????????  
VRISKA: I’ve fought tooth and talon to wager for the safety of you guys. You’re my friends!  
VRISKA: And no matter what happens, I’m gonna do everything in my power to protect you!

The three of them back away from you nervously.

ARADIA: and what if  
ARADIA: we suddenly stopped being your friends  
VRISKA: *snrk*  
VRISKA: Why would you want to do that?

Their retreat accelerates slightly. Aradia shakes her head. She looks terrified. What does she have to be terrified of?

VRISKA: Guys?  
VRISKA: Aradia?  
VRISKA: Tavros?  
VRISKA: ...Terezi? Even you?  
VRISKA: Alright, fine. You’ve got three options.  
VRISKA: One: just look at this from my perspective!  
VRISKA: what’s the altern8tive here?  
VRISKA: No, really! What other choice do I have!  
VRISKA: You’re all acting like I’m eeeeeeeevil or something! 8ut if my choice is 8etween 8eing evil and 8eing dead I’d gladly 8e the worst fucking villain you’ve ever imagined!  
VRISKA: Don’t you get what’s at stake here? Just think a8out that!  
VRISKA: Two: run away. All of you, just run, get the fuck out of my life. 8lock me on everything and leave me to rot.  
VRISKA: Then try to tell yourselves that you’re all the good guys here while you sit high and dry, and forget that I ever existed. May8e it would ease your mind to know I wouldn’t for much longer after that.  
VRISKA: Three: do the jo8 yourselves. I fucking dare you.

You draw your dice. Aradia looks terrified. No, disgusted. No, furious! No...

Embarrassed.

_ARTEMI: None of you could DREAM of handling it as well as I have. 8lright? So give me a fucking 8r8k 8efore I’m forced to 8r8k something else._  
_ARADIA: is that_  
_ARADIA: a threat_  
_ARTEMI: What the fuck do you think it is? Of course it’s a fucking threat!_

Fine. You were kind of hoping for option three anyway.  
First order of business, you take over Tavros’s mind and put him immediately to sleep. Best to stop him ruining this fight, you know?  
Second off, you throw your dice. They hit the ground, and-

Or, no they don’t, actually. Aradia raises her palm, and all eight dice float helplessly in the air, unable to land on any possible outcome.  
Now they’ve got you on the back foot. Aradia pockets the octet. You look between the two of them like an antlerbeast in headlights. Slowly, Terezi takes a step forward. Without any other options, you mindjack Aradia and get her to throw your dice back to you.

You SAID, you mindjack Aradia and-

You mindj-

What the fuck???????? Did she... become immune, somehow? Oh, just your fucking luck!  
Without any options at all, then, you run at Aradia. You need those dice!  
Terezi barges into your side, knocks you back, lifts you up, and pins you to the wall of the hive. Her forearm presses forcefully against your neck. You squirm and struggle and scream at her, but she doesn’t let you go.

TEREZI: DONT TRY TO P1CK 4 F1GHT YOU KNOW YOU C4NT W1N  
TEREZI: TH1S 1SNT WORTH 1T  
VRISKA: Alright! Fine fine fine fine FINE FINE FINE FIIIIIIIINE!  
VRISKA: You win! You’ve got me 8eat! Congratu-fucking-l8tions, guys, you defeated the monster! 8et you’re feeling really fucking good a8out that, huh????????  
VRISKA: Look.  
VRISKA: I get it. Keeping me around is more trou8le than it’s worth.  
VRISKA: 8ut 8efore you kill me, I just want to say sorry. Like, for real!  
VRISKA: I can’t deny I’ve done some fucked up shit, and I know for a fact that if I go on, I’ll just keep doing even more of it. We all know I don’t have a choice.  
VRISKA: 8ut when I’m gone... when I’m gone, I want you to forget all that stuff, alright? I just want you to remem8er all the gr8 times we had. As friends.  
VRISKA: As sisters.  
VRISKA: 8ecause, hey. It’s over. You won. So you don’t need to worry a8out mistakes of the past anymore.  
TEREZI: YOU  
TEREZI: OH MY GOD  
TEREZI: YOU 4CTU4LLY TH1NK 1M GO1NG TO K1LL YOU  
VRISKA: I know you will. You always do the right thing, right?  
VRISKA: That’s what legislacer8tors do.  
VRISKA: And since you h8 me now, you have no reason not to.  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT L1K3 TH4T  
TEREZI: 1TS  
TEREZI: D1FF3R3NT  
TEREZI: 1TS COMPL1C4T3D  
TEREZI: BUT 1 PROM1S3 1TS NOT YOUR L1F3 TH4TS 4T ST4K3 H3R3

She lets you go. You slump to the ground. You don’t get up.

VRISKA: You don’t get it! I have 8een trying to tell you this whole time that my life is exactly what’s on the line!  
VRISKA: Aradia, I explained this to you 8efore. Right?  
ARADIA: ...  
VRISKA: Aradia?  
ARADIA: im s0rry  
ARADIA: i still d0nt understand what it must be like f0r y0u  
ARADIA: but i cant shake the feeling that what y0ure d0ing is wr0ng!  
VRISKA: So you keep making excruuuuuuuuci8ingly apparent!  
VRISKA: 8ut you know as well as I do that... it has to 8e this way.  
ARADIA: thats true 0n0  
TEREZI: TH4T DO3SNT JUST1FY TH3 W4Y YOU TR13D TO 4TT4CK US 34RL13R  
VRISKA: Oh my god, Terezi! Would it kill you to forget a8out that for two seconds?  
TEREZI: TH4TS NOT DO1NG YOUR C4S3 4NY F4VORS  
VRISKA: What case? There’s no fucking case!  
VRISKA: All that’s here is a choice:  
VRISKA: Either you do the fair thing and don’t judge me for actions I can’t control, and life goes on...  
VRISKA: Or you do the just thing, and drive your 8lade through my head right now.  
MINDFANG: So, neophyte.  
MINDFANG: What’s it gonna 8e?  
TEREZI: 1F YOUR3 SO SUR3 THOS3 4R3 MY ONLY TWO OPT1ONS 1T NOT 3V3N 4 CHO1C3

She unsheathes her blade...

...And drops it.

TEREZI: 1 ST1LL F1ND YOUR TR34TM3NT OF 1NNOC3NT LOWBLOODS FUCK1NG 4BHORR3NT 1 DONT TH1NK 1 3MPH4S1Z3D TH4T 3NOUGH  
TEREZI: BUT TH3 PO1NT 1S YOUR3 MY FR13ND  
TEREZI: 4ND  
TEREZI: 1 ST1LL TH1NK YOU C4N TURN 4ROUND FROM H3R3  
TEREZI: 1M NOT SUR3 HOW YOUD 3V3R COM3 TO M4K3 UP FOR 4LL TH3 UNN3C3SS4R1LY CRU3L 4ND B4D STUFF YOUV3 DON3  
TEREZI: BUT 1F 4NYON3 C4N 1TS YOU  
TEREZI: B3S1D3S  
TEREZI: YOUV3 GOT US ON YOUR S1D3

Well, you’ve got Terezi on your side at least. Now that Team Charge knows what you did to their numbers, though, you can’t trust them.

Can they be your friends and your enemies at the same time? You think so. There’s a complicated feeling flowing there.

Aradia’s the only one who poses a threat, though. From the bottom rung of the hemospectrum too, what disrespect! You think you’re going to have to eventually put her in her place one way or another, even though she is pretty great.

Tavros, on the other hand... he’s fucked. You’re gonna have to work hard to toughen him up, right? Poor guy really needs it!  
You genuinely wish you could leave him be, of course, but there’s no way someone like him wouldn’t get culled in a pumping cycle. And even though he’s safe from you lusus, She’s far from the only threat he’s going to face in the course of the next three or so sweeps. That much couldn’t be more obvious.

On two fronts, you know you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you. But hey! What’s another two irons in the fire to a capable young woman like you?

⁂

And so, life carries on.

Three friendships had been tested beyond belief and still hold strong. And yet, there’s undeniably a wedge among the four of you now.

Terezi refuses to let Team Scourge challenge anyone but Team Charge now. She says she prefers playing against them, but her meaning couldn’t be more clear: you’re a threat to everyone else.

Not that you particularly mind, of course. Or, at least, not in any way that you’d let her see. It’s more time to train Tavros, and that’s always a win!

Sometimes, he tells Aradia. And you know what? Good! Let her know, you say. Let her hate you. Better to get that anger out in the open than to let it fester behind closed doors.

And anyway, you don’t have to deal with these chumps when you don’t want to! You can sail the 8rigantine on your own, and you can do it damn well! In fact you seem to get along swimmingly (no pun intended) with the seadwellers, despite some of you looking down on you as adorable and quaint. Hell, a few of the less genocidal among them might even consider you a friend.

Other than that, though... your life is just the hunt.

And sometimes, the hunt comes up empty.

You trudge to the back door of your hive, doing your best to hide the shame and the fear on your features, but it’s not easy.

SPIDERMOM: Back empty handed, are we?  
SPIDERMOM: Come now, Carius. You’re well aware by now that this can’t go unpunished.  
VRISKA: I triiiiiiiied! What the fuck do you want from me????????  
SPIDERMOM: A success, obviously. Trying doesn’t stave off an empty stomach.  
VRISKA: Fine. Whatever. So who the fuck are you gonna kill this time? You already got Zefiro, and Dadale, and Leiton, and-  
[SPIDERMOM]: AND YOU NEVER SEEM TO LEARN!

You reel from the volume of Her psychic assault.

VRISKA: Oh, go fuck yourself. Give me a few more sweeps, and I’ll 8e long gone, out of this dump.  
VRISKA: If I ever come 8ack here again, it will 8e you who’s answering to ME!  
VRISKA: Ha! I’m torn 8etween that, and just leaving you here to die.  
SPIDERMOM: My goodness, child. You do go on.  
SPIDERMOM: Always talking, ranting, raving wildly about your future. While I admire forward thinking, your constant nightdreaming is only distracting you.  
SPIDERMOM: No more distractions, dear. Let’s remind you who it is you belong to.

Before you can react, an enormous palp grabs your neck between its talons and pins you to the wall. Air rushes out of your lungs in shock. You’re amazed She didn’t break anything.

SPIDERMOM: “Just three more sweeps,” you cry. “Just three more sweeps!”  
SPIDERMOM: Always bragging and jeering about how your life is truly going to turn around once you’re allowed to leave.  
[SPIDERMOM]: But the drones will be none too happy when they find you’re of no use to the empire.

Her other palp moves in under the first. You can’t see what it’s doing, but you can feel it poke up against the skin just below your stomach. It pokes so hard, in fact, that you feel yourself bleed.

VRISKA: Augh, fuck! What are you-  
SPIDERMOM: After all, why should resources be wasted on a boy who can’t even submit genetic material?  
VRISKA: Who can’t wh-

By the time you understand, it’s too late. As if you could have done anything to stop it.  
The claw poking into you cleaves downward, shredding flesh and muscle and an assortment of other tissues you hadn’t even felt you had before this point.

VRISKA: ST8P!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: PLE8SE, M8KE IT ST8P!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: IT H8RTS! IT F8CKING H8RTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You howl in agony. Something splatters on the platform below you. You can’t move your legs oH GOD WHY CAN’T YOU MOVE YOUR LEGS WHY CAN’T YOU MOVE YOUR FUCKING LEGS????????

Your lusus drops you, face down, in a pool of your own blood. You don’t want to think about where this blood’s come from.

VRISKA: I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!

You scream at Her, but She hardly reacts. You scramble up to your elbows, slip in the blood, and land back on your face.

SPIDERMOM: Are we feeling appropriately humiliated by our failure?  
SPIDERMOM: Lesson learned, then.

She puts a single talon up against your forehead and flicks you backward. You slide out into the stairwell on your own blood like a hockey puck.

Oh.

Oh god.

You shrink in horror at the base of the stairs and sob. You’ve definitely earned it this time. You take some deep breaths, count as high as three hundred and twelve, and steel yourself as best as you can.

Come on, Vriska. Pull yourself together. You’ve got a long climb ahead of you.

You climb the first step and your bloodied elbow slips right back down. Alright, then. This is going to somehow be even worse than it already is. You roll back your sleeves and try again.  
The pain of leaning your full weight on your elbows is surprisingly bearable compared to the pain of... eurgh. Oh god. You’re just... going to try not to think about any of that stuff!

Oh, come on, you think to yourself as you ascend. What good is pushing it from your mind gonna do? That’s it. Game over. You’re dead meat.

Alright then, let’s think this through. So first of all, your life’s more than halfway over now, which is FUCKED. Like, you always suspected such a thing might be the case, but you weren’t expecting to actually know for certain in advance!

God, this is so messed up...

Come on, Vriska. No time to catastrophize.

So let’s break this down into individual dot points. Mentally list them all out. What’s different about your life now? First off, there’s the fact that you’re no longer worth anyone’s time or effort.  
Okay, yeah! That’s pretty fucking heavy! But what’s worse still is the fact that this means... nobody can love you anymore. They’d only be digging their own grave if they tried.

Oh, get over yourself. It’s not like they were going to, anyway.

No? You need a second to haul your fat ass up on this step and cry for a bit, you little runt? Sure, whatever. Suit yourself.  
Okay, breakdown time is over. You’re only, like, five percent of the way back to your block. Back to climbing!

Alright, so where were you? Right! You’re gonna be dead by the time you’re eight, and given the size of your open wound, that’s only if you can’t make it back up to your block and patch yourself up in the next forty-five or so minutes.  
And if you don’t get tired, pass out from the agony, and bleed out.  
...And if you don’t slip on your blood again, and fall off the edge of the stairs.  
........And if you don’t snag the wound on a step, tear it open, and fall to fucking pieces! Wow, this is actually insanely hard! And for what? Less than doubling your current lifetime?!

Well, uselessly dying here like a stupid douche and that being the end of that wouldn’t be worth a damn thing. To have a chance at making the best of a bad situation, first you need a fucking situation. You’re pretty sure that’s a privilege only the living are entitled to.

Alright, sure. What’s the best case scenario here?  
Well, you guess you could live selflessly from here on out, helping people who still *can* actually be helped. And then everyone will remember and revere you! Maybe even as Vriska, you don’t know!  
You were kind of thinking about doing this shit anyway. After all, you’re a very generous and selfless person. This just means you’ll have to double down on it!

As for keeping this under wraps... well, if you’re going to want to be so much as worthy of receiving the time of night, you’re going to have to. There’s not really anyone you can trust enough to keep quiet about this. Not even Terezi.  
But hey! No big deal! You were already doing every single thing in your power to ensure people didn’t know what was going on down there anyway.  
It’s ironic, in a twisted kind of way. Sometimes you desperately wished you didn’t have... you know. So, wish granted?

Ooooooooh god........

God, you’re actually going to die, aren’t you? You’re going to fucking die.  
Don’t cry, you weak little twerp! Do you think your tears mean anything? Do you think anything you could possibly do now means anything???????? You’re a dead woman walking, except you’re not even walking, and only a woman by the harshest stretches of the imagination.  
Come to think of it, hope you weren’t planning on transitioning at any point! Like, the odds of getting your hands on some hormones *and* blockers, *and* living through the full effects in just three sweeps? Forget about it!

You slump onto your cheek on the floor of your respiteblock, lips blue with bloodied spit, eyes blue with tears, everything else blue with a ton of fluids and tissues that REALLY REALLY SHOULD BE ON THE *INSIDE* OF YOUR BODY, and try to curl up into a ball.  
But you can’t even do that.  
Can you at least reach your desk from here? Look up a guide on how to patch up this kind of wound? Crawling hurts like hell now. You’ve worked your forearms so hard, they’re blistered and bleeding too! How long have they been like that?  
Whatever, don’t get sidetracked! Come on, it’s not a lot further. Almost... There...

GC: H3Y VR1SK4  
GC: 1S 3V3RYTH1NG OK  
GC: 3QU1US W4S S4Y1NG YOU SOUND3D UPS3T 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG 4ND 4SK3D M3 1F 1 KN3W 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT TH4T  
AG: I’M F8NE!  
AG: EVERYTHING IS A8SOL8TELY UND8R CONTROL!  
AG: SO GET LOST, 8LRIGHT?  
GC: >:?

Wow, looks like she’s not the only one bothering you right now. Who else is trying to be a real fucking thorn in your side at the worst possible time?

Oh. What the fuck does this guy want?

I’ll skip the pleasantries this time around. Your circumstances are far too dire to allow them.  
More dire, too, than you suspect: You’ve received critical damage to two vital internal organs and one other major one.  
AG: What the hell???????? It’s 8een FOREVER, asshole!  
AG: Is now really the 8est time????????  
More so than you could ever begin to fathom.  
Before you can cover the wound - an alarmingly short window of time if you are to prevent your own premature demise, as you’re well aware - there’s one more thing you’ll have to do.  
AG: You do realize you aren’t making that window of time any longer!  
AG: St8 your case and then leave me aloooooooone!  
Very well. This will only be quick.  
I’ll begin by disclaiming that as important as your health is to the ends of my master, and by extension, myself, this is the only instance of our correspondence wherein my assistance should be so direct.  
Exactly once, I will interfere more tangibly with your sequence of events. But that’s only provided you survive that long.  
To your right you’ll find an assortment of small electronic components, each of which is calibrated as precisely as possible to the dimensions, weight, and function of your injured vitals. They are designed to provide you not only with the means to perform essential bodily functions, but as much comfort as they possibly can.  
That said, not all activities you were capable of without them will be possible afterward. It’s advisable that you refrain from swimming, diving and any other activities necessitating contact with saltwater for prolonged periods, the operation of heavy machinery, unless appropriately supervised, use of public transportation which requires either air navigation or magnetic levitation, and anything which may cause additional injury to the shredded portion of your midsection.  
Each component comes equipped with a peg on its back to assist in installing, as well as numbers inscribed on their front, in the order that they are to be installed.  
The insertion procedure is designed for absolute intuition in your hands and your hands alone. If successful, it cannot be undone. If you suspect you’ve made a mistake, remove the misplaced apparatus in question as quickly as possible, and immediately retry the installation.  
AG: Wow, holy shit.  
AG: How did you type that so fast????????  
I have had a lot of practice.  
As it stands, though, there are far more important questions you should be asking.  
Where did I acquire these prosthetic organs?  
How did I know both the nature and measurements of your wound, or of its existence at all?  
Who built these apparati?  
How did they find their way into your hive?  
How are they powered?  
Naturally, however, I will be answering none of these.  
AG: Alright. The first one’s in.  
AG: Man, I am losing a lot of blood here...  
AG: Getting a little woozy! Ha!  
AG: Don’t worry, though. I’ve got speech to text on right now while I figure this out.  
AG: Alright! That’s two down, one to go!  
AG: Damn, why’s this one so big?  
AG: You know, they tell you in the schoolfeeds that this bad boy clears toxins out of your bloodstream or whatever! But, like how many toxins do I fucking have to necessitate something the size of, what? This thing must be bigger than my pump biscuit, right?  
Despite my intense antipathy to resorting to interfering as directly as I am, I find myself compelled to remind you that you have a very important task at hand.  
Don’t let yourself get distracted. Delay the completion of this operation by another two minutes, and the blood loss will become fatal.  
AG: Alright, alright! I’m getting it in there!  
AG: You never told me how much these things hurt to put in, good lord!  
Do they?  
AG: Like a bitch!  
AG: Alright. All three in! Still losing a lot of blood, though!  
AG: You know what? I’m just gonna...  
AG: Just gonna lie down for a bit. This is all really hard work!  
AG: Oh wait. Shit. That’s a bad idea, right?  
AG: Like, I’m dying and stuff. Hahahahahahahaha! Isn’t that so crazy to think about?  
AG: HEY, I’M GONNA HAVE TO SHOUT NOW. JUST A HEADS UP!  
AG: I’M  
AG: CRAWLING RIGHT NOW  
AG: OVER TO MY WARDROBE  
AG: TO BANDAGE UP THIS GIANT HOLE THAT GOT RIPPED OUT OF ME!  
AG: WHICH STILL HURTS LIKE HELL, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING!  
AG: WAIT. SHIT. I’M AN IDIOT!  
AG: I DIDN’T REALIZE THESE THINGS WERE GONNA LET ME MOVE MY LEGS AGAIN! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THAT ONE!  
AG: HAHAHAAAAA, LET ME TELL YOU! ABSOLUTELY HIGH AS AN IMPERIAL WARSHIP ON THE BLOOD LOSS RIGHT NOW! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IF IT DIDN’T BURN LIKE HELL I’D ACTUALLY BE LOVING THIS!  
AG: Wow, I should bleed to death slowly more often...  
AG: ALRIGHT I FIXED IT ALL UP! SHOULD I, UH...  
AG: SHOULD I STITCH IT UP OR SOMETHING?  
AG: Oh, shit. I can’t see your answer from all the way all over there. Let me j-  
AG: I’M OKAY! I’M OKAY! Just bumped into my recupera-  
AG: Shit, I’m gonna have to clean all that up, huh?  
AG: Okay okay. Let me look through the 8acklog here.  
AG: Damn! My text looks kinda fuuuuuuuucked without my quirk, huh?  
The act of applying a stitch to your wound in your delirious state is incredibly dangerous and almost absolutely inadvisable.  
However, even less advisable is passing away.  
There’s a needle and thread on the desk to your right.  
AG: Huh, when’d I put this here?  
AG: Silly ol’ me, right? Always misplacing my stuff!  
AG: Right, so. How do I... not fuck this up?  
That’s hardly important. All that matters is that you try.  
AG: You’re joking!  
Of course.  
The significance of the reason you will succeed cannot be understated, even though you’d fail to understand any satisfying explanation I could provide.  
AG: Try me.  
The circuitous nature of the alpha timeline involves events which require your survival beyond this point. That your current stupor has rendered your motor skills harder to control ensures that the outcome of your attempt will be dictated entirely by chance, allowing for outcomes where you succeed at the procedure, and those where you fail.  
The aforementioned alpha timeline, of course, requires that you succeed. Therefore, any attempt which results in failure will come to pass only within a doomed offshoot timeline.  
Any doomed timeline involved in this action will, interestingly enough, only come to be because of this failure in the first place.  
AG: Wow.  
AG: That’s right, I don’t understand a word of what you’re saying!  
AG: Alright, nice! First eight stitches are in and holding strong! How many doomed timelines did that cre8/exist in/whatever?  
92.  
AG: Haha, wow! That’s a lot of fucking timelines, huh!  
AG: Tell the other Vriskas to suck my shit for me.  
I’d pass a message along, if I weren’t so preoccupied.  
AG: Nice!!!!!!!!  
AG: W8. Was that another joke?  
Of course.  
AG: Dammit!  
AG: Alright, here goes the next 8unch.

You genuinely can’t remember what happened after that. You think you passed out at one point? And you’re pretty sure you got the stitches done up properly before that. But it’s hard to tell.

Your handiwork could be better, judging by the fact that when you wake up the following evening, the sopor in your recuperacoon is undeniably on the bluer side of green.

You get ready for the day in a pretty typical fashion, surprisingly enough - your death sentence isn’t something you’re ready to accept yet. Gonna need some breakfast before you can wrap your pan around it.

Wait, didn’t you just have breakfast?

Well, you guess losing, what? Easily a third of the blood in your body? *Would* make you pretty fucking hungry. May as well go for a double breakfast, right?  
So, then. A first last meal.  
Here’s to you, you beautiful bitch. You’re fucked.

AG: Oh hey! Just a quick little addendum to last night’s a8solute chaos:  
AG: I still h8 you, alright???????? And nothing you can do or say is ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER going to change that!  
Duly noted.  
Still, though, I don’t see that as any reason for us to stop talking. Do you?  
AG: >::::/  
Chess?  
AG: ........  
AG: Sure, why the fuck not! Gotta take my mind off the inevita8ility of my own death *somehow*, right?  
AG: How many tiers of prototyping are we giving the 8oard this time?  
Perhaps you’d be interested in all twelve?  
AG: Really?????????  
If it is a distraction you’re after, I see no reason not to pull out all the stops.  
Besides, it seems a difficulty level more befitting of your inscrutably sharp wit.  
I suppose I must have underestimated you somehow, but that you’d managed to hide such skill from me is nothing short of confounding.  
Still, though, I do delight in these little surprises, rare though they may be, and you are remarkably mature for your age.  
If you think yourself sufficiently prepared to play on my level, then I’d gladly have you do just that.  
AG: You know what? Fuck yeah!!!!!!!!

You eye your little advantage.

AG: And one day, I’ll 8eat you at your own game. Then you’ll regret all the times you fucked me over, 8ecause you’re not as powerful or smart or gr8 as you really think you are!  
AG: 8ut you know who is? You know who’s the 8EST?  
AG: It’s me, 8itch. So watch your douchey anonymous coward ass the hell out!  
If you insist.  
The first move is yours.  
AG: I know!!!!!!!! Just give me a fucking second!  
AG: Ummmmmmmm...  
AG: Undying musclepawn to Cf04-gamma-IV-exterior, three turns in the past.  
AG: You know, I’ve 8een thinking.  
Standard archerpawn to Rf61-delta-V-exterior, two turns in the past.  
Do go on.  
AG: I’m really gonna have to dou8le down on my training for Tavros! After all, if I’m not fit enough to survive on Alternia, there’s no chance he is!  
AG: Neg8tive rook to Ae58-delta-I-interior.  
AG: One turn in the future.  
Your logic is, for my purposes and for yours, completely sound. Should matters continue as they are thus far, Mr. Nitram will expire sweeps before his eighth.  
AG: Hey, if I wanted your input I would have asked!!!!!!!! Stop trying to sway my decision, jeeeeeeeez!  
AG: And 8efore you try to hit me with one of your stupid, smarmy come8acks, don’t think I don’t know how you oper8!  
AG: You try to say one or two things here or there that shift my feelings ever so slightly in some direction or other, and then when I go to chew you out a8out it, You just play the plausi8le denia8ility card and tell me to shove it!  
AG: Well screw that. I’m only 8ringing it up with you 8ecause I’ve got a plan that requires a distaction.  
AG: Distraction*, fuck. My hands are still sh8ky from yesterday.  
AG: My point is, this is entirely my decision.  
If you say so.  
Bear in mind, though, that you have decided upon this of your own accord. That much, I’ll agree to.  
But, if we’re willing to bring the niceties of free will into play, the thesis behind your adamance becomes more convoluted in concept.  
AG: 8ut we’re not doing that though.  
AG: We’re not doing that, 8ecause that’s stupid and it sucks.

⁂

You know what else is stupid and sucks? Tavros. You’ve given him every opportunity to prove himself in tonight’s campaign, and he’s miraculously fucked up every single last one. Now you’ve got him cornered up against a cliff. How did he even screw up this badly???????? If you were there in person, rather than still recovering from your vicious mauling, you’d kick his ass into bilunar orbit.  
Whatever. You call him some less-than-choice words, and offer him one last choice to not stuff this up catastrophically.

AG: Advance or a8scond!  
AT: i CAN'T ABSCOND,  
AT: tHERE'S NO,  
AT: uHH, aBSCONDING PLACE,  
AG: 8ut a8sconding is what you do 8est!  
AG: I 8n't managed to cloud a scenario yet you couldn't squawk out of in a 8lazing trail of cluck8east feathers.  
AG: You cannot hope to 8eat Tavros Nitram in an a8scond-off.  
AG: He is simply the 8est there is!  
AT: uHH, tHAT SOUNDS FLATTERING, tHEORETICALLY,  
AT: bUT, i DON'T THINK,  
AG: Hey pipe down!  
AG: Make your move!  
AG: Advance or a8scond, advance or a8scond!  
AG: Roll, Tavros! Roll!!!!!!!!  
AT: oKAY,  
AT: hOLD ON, fOR ONE MOMENT,

He desperately tries to message Aradia and Terezi, in the hopes of turning those two even further against you. But they’re a little preoccupied with an asset of your own.  
An asset you hate almost as much as Tavros. But hey, he said he’d make himself useful. So whatever, right? You guess he’s doing his job right.

AG: No one can help you, Taaaaaaaavros!  
AG: ::::)  
AT: oKAY,  
AG: Time to decide!  
AT: wHERE IS EVERYBODY,  
AG: What does that have to do with your present cowardice?  
AT: i DON'T KNOW,  
AT: pROBABLY NOTHING,  
AG: Are you going to roll?  
AT: hMM,  
AT: nO, i CAN'T,  
AG: Why not?  
AT: bECAUSE, i WAS THINKING ABOUT THE NUMBERS, aND,  
AT: iT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR THERE TO BE A FAVORABLE OUTCOME,  
AT: nO MATTER WHAT THE DICE DO,  
AG: So, you give up?  
AT: yEAH, mAYBE,  
AG: Why not roll and make it official?  
AG: Why would you want to cheapsk8 me out of 8onuses like that? It's so thoughtless.  
AT: uHH,  
AG: Am I going to have to take matters into my own hands?  
AG: To make your move for you?  
AT: i THOUGHT,  
AT: yOU COULDN'T USE POWERS,  
AT: i MEAN, rEAL LIFE POWERS, nOT GAME ONES,  
AT: iT'S AGAINST THE RULES,  
AG: 8ut if you are going to 8reak the rules and refuse to roll, what choice do I have!  
AG: I h8 that it had to come to this 8ut what can I do!

Well, if he can’t survive this, he definitely doesn’t stand a chance in the real world. This is basically just a mercy.  
So you throw him off the cliff. Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitnodon’tdothatFUCK!!!!!!!!

Wait, what? Huh. Guess that didn’t kill him.  
Yeowch.  
So this is worse, right? This is definitely way worse. Unless he can...  
C’mon, dude. Just walk it off. You’ll be f-  
Nope, he’s not getting up.  
Well, it’s obvious this just means you need to push him even harder next time!

Aradia stops talking to you outright for that one. Ha, what a fucking wimp! She can’t even confront you about it! Terezi keeps talking to you, of course, but she’s absolutely piiiiiiiissed now! Even a few nights later, she's still at it. What can you say? She knows how to hold one hell of a grudge!

AG: You know, I really expected more support from you. You’ve disappointed me yet again, Pyrope!  
GC: >:[  
GC: 1 W4S K1ND OF HOP1NG TH4T 4T L34ST NOW YOU WOULD H4V3 F1GUR3D OUT WH4T W3 W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT WH3N W3 S41D YOU W3R3 D4NG3ROUS  
AG: Dangerous????????  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! Don’t make me laugh!  
AG: Can’t you seeeeeeee? Isn’t it o8vious that I’m just trying to help him?  
AG: He needs to toughen up, or else he will simply not 8e fit enough to survive!  
AG: I wish it didn’t have to 8e this way, Terezi. I really do. 8ut hey! Them’s the 8r8ks!

More importantly, you wish you yourself could survive. But that’s not happening either.

GC: 1S TH1S SOM3 S1CK JOK3  
GC: DO YOU TH1NK TH1S 1S GOOD FOR T4VROS 1N TH3 LONG RUN?  
GC: YOUR3 K1LL1NG H1M  
AG: If I’m killing him, it’s 8asically a mercy.  
GC: VR1SK4  
AG: THAT SAID!!!!!!!!  
AG: You and Aradia and Tavros? Safe as fuck from me! Hell, I’m actually looking out for you guys!  
GC: 1F TH1S 1S YOUR 1D34 OF H3LP  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1LL P4SS  
GC: DONT 3V3N TH1NK OF HURT1NG H1M 3V3R 4G41N  
GC: OR 4R4D14 FOR TH4T M4TT3R  
AG: I won’t!  
AG: Yeesh, what crawled up in your nook and died?  
GC: VR1SK4!  
AG: Alright, fine!  
AG: I’ll go help him out, alright? The poor guy must really 8e struggling to get around now, lol!  
GC: DONT 3V3N GO N34R H1M >:[  
GC: YOUR3 B4D N3WS  
GC: FOR H1M 4ND FOR TH3 R3ST OF US  
GC: 1N F4CT 1 TH1NK ULT1M4T3LY 1T WOULD B3 1D34L TH4T T34M SCOURG3 D1SB4ND3D  
GC: P3RM4N3NTLY  
AG: W8, no! You can’t do that!  
GC: 4ND YOU C4NT THROW T4VROS OFF 4 CL1FF  
GC: BUT H3R3 W3 4R3 1 GU3SS

No no no no no no no no! This is bullshit! It’s so unfair! What’s worse, you know she isn’t going to budge.  
Urgh. Whatever!!!!!!!! You slump into the corner of the back of your chair. You’re fine. You can run the team with just yourself. It’s just...

Does... does Terezi hate you now? You can live with your lusus, and your impending death, and the shitty fake organs supporting you, and the casteism of your amphibious playmates, and the white text guy, and your dysphoria, and your emerging blood feud with Team Charge, but Terezi hating you? That crosses a line. Not that there’s a whole lot you can do about it now, though.

You don’t really have *any* friends now, come to think about it. You try to talk to Karkat, or that Sollux guy, or that Nepeta who’s supposed to be trusting you (fucking whoops!), or any one of like a dozen different people and you just get totally ghosted by every single last one. Whatever, you don’t need people like them!!!!!!!!

There are people who still talk to you of course, but Kanaya and Feferi are dreeeeeeeeadfully overbearing nowadays, and Eridan and the white text guy are despicable as ever. And all your seadwelling pals? Forget about it! They just look down at you all the time, it's dreadful!

So who does that leave?

Oh god.

Alright, fine.

AG: Hey, Zahhak. You up there?  
CT: D --> I am always up here  
CT: D --> And you are as aware of this as I am  
CT: D --> You only ask if I am present if you need something from me  
CT: D --> Do not treat me like I am completely c100less  
AG: Yeah, yeah. I know. Whatever, who gives a fuck right?  
CT: D --> As dreadful as I find your tone to be  
CT: D --> The unapologetic informality with which you conduct yourself is finally a sign that you are coming to a%ept your noble status  
CT: D --> As such I must admit your progress over the course of the past sweep has left me astounded and impressed  
CT: D --> And so so proud of you  
CT: D --> So I must concede that I for one do not “give a fuck”  
CT: D --> Blast  
CT: D --> Where in the blazes is my towel  
AG: Wow, calm the fuck down.  
AG: You know, you’re such a weird guy all the time!  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> But enough of that  
CT: D --> State your purpose  
CT: D --> This is cutting into time I could spend doing work of the utmost importance  
AG: 8uilding and 8r8king ro8ots?  
CT: D --> It is an e%quisite and noble pastime  
CT: D --> Once again though you are deflecting  
CT: D --> And it is beginning to get on my nerves  
CT: D --> To the point where I am finding myself on the verge of  
CT: D --> Perspiring  
AG: Wow, gross!  
AG: I’m just looking for advice, not the play 8y play on your most disgusting 8odily functions!  
CT: D --> That is hardly among the foulest  
AG: Ewwwwwwww.  
CT: D --> You say you are 100king for advice  
CT: D --> Of what nature  
AG: 8lue8lood stuff, you know?  
CT: D --> Inside and out  
CT: D --> But of all the trolls of our standing why have you decided to irritate one as constantly preoccupied as I  
AG: That’s a good question, actually!  
AG: Promise you won’t laugh, though.  
CT: D --> Do I ever  
AG: Fair point!  
AG: The thing is, I’m actually not really friends with any other high8loods.  
AG: At least, not any air8reather ones.  
CT: D --> Hm  
CT: D --> This is most upsetting  
CT: D --> Partly because you 100k to have incorporated at least one seadweller insult into your vocabulary with striking f100ency  
CT: D --> But mostly because you ultimately seem as dispassionate about the inherent nobility of your caste as you have your entire life  
CT: D --> And have sec100ded yourself from those of equal footing to instead mingle with lowb100ds  
CT: D --> Who I can assume from the fact that more than one have advised me to watch you carefully no longer trust you for reasons of their own  
AG: W8, fuck! They’re getting you to spy on me????????  
AG: That’s 8ad enough as it is, 8ut the fact that it had to 8e the single grossest, horniest guy I can think of, too........  
CT: D --> I refused naturally  
CT: D --> I must admit I could not care less about you or any matter pertaining to you  
AG: That’s pretty insulting, as reassurance goes.  
AG: Prefera8le to the altern8tive though, I guess!  
AG: Ultim8tely, I think it’s dum8 to even 8e 8ringing this to you in the first place!  
AG: I already know you’re gonna tell me to like, accept the rank of my caste and try to live the rest of my life in that niche, 8ut you know what?  
AG: Fuck that! I know for a fact that most other 8lue8loods don’t accept people like me!  
AG: Man, this is all just too stupid to get my 8ulge in a twist a8out! I’m gonna go outside and get some fresh fucking air.  
CT: D --> Very well  
CT: D --> Take a jacket  
AG: You don’t have to tell me! I’m pretty much insepera8le from the thing at this point.  
AG: Anyway, I’m a8out to head out.

Without waiting for his response, you kick out of the chair. It careens across the room.  
Jacket? Check. Shoes? Check. Dice? Check. No, dammit! Don’t check impulsively for your dice, they’re pointless now! Nobody wants to play with you anymore. Let’s just... Ugh. Let’s just go.

You immediately step on a d4, which has the sheer audacity to sit haphazardly in the middle of your floor! Augh, holy fuck! How do those things hurt so much, that’s ridiculous!

Augh. God. Fuck. God dammit.  
Yeah, no big deal, you guess. You kind of deserved that anyway.

All else aside, you step out into the cold night air. You guess it’s just one of those nights, huh? Everything feels weirdly still, as if the entire world is waiting for you to do or say something. What is there to do or say, though? You fucked up the other night. Still feeling kinda bad about that, for some reason. Not a whole lot else going on.

Seriously, why’s everyone making such a big deal about Tavros being paralyzed? Like, you couldn’t walk for a bit there, a few weeks ago or whenever that was. Sure, that was only for roughly an hour. But did you complain about it? No!

Well, that’s only because complaining about it would have given you away and had you summarily executed. But that’s really besides the point!

And you know what? Fuck the white text guy for playing into that shit, too! You mean, you guess you’re glad he did, but it’s honestly scary how overly familiar with you about it he’s getting. After everything you do to push him out of your life, he only wriggles his way further in. You hate him! You want him gone forever! He is like the worst parts of Eridan and your lusus put together, and then made eight times as bad.

And you haven’t told anyone this - not even yourself! - but... you’re scared of him. You’re really really scared of him. And the idea of ever disobeying him, going against his wishes, making him angry... you really don’t want to know what that would be like.

[SPIDERMOM]: Carius, are you there?

You snap out of it. What the fuck does She want now????????

[SPIDERMOM]: Perhaps you’re busy, but I think whatever inane antics you’re up to right now can afford to be put on hold.  
[VRISKA]: Ugh, shut up and leave me alone!  
[VRISKA]: Can’t you see I’m having a moment to myself for fucking once?  
[SPIDERMOM]: Of course! And under normal circumstances I’d find it in my infinite patience not to interfere.  
[SPIDERMOM]: But these aren’t normal circumstances.  
[SPIDERMOM]: To put it lightly...  
[SPIDERMOM]: You’re going to want to see this.

Wow, what? She’s never sounded so panicked before! You run inside. The room’s filled with smoke, even though it’s impossible to place where it’s coming from. It seems to be streaking up from the floor, somehow. You try to trace its trail as best as you can, and you think you figure out where the smoke cloud must be coming from for a good half a second.

And then you make eye contact with it.

This isn’t smoke, you realize. Because smoke doesn’t have thousands of faces screaming at you, crying out that they were wr⊕ng t⊕ e⊻er ha⊻e trusted y⊕u, and that they hated youour aSS in life as in deaeath, and every possible sentiment in between. You reel and grip your scalp as tensely as you can. The cacophony is overwhelming, but you can somehow individually make out every single voice, all at once.

VRISKA: Shut the fuck up! Every last one of you, leave me alone! You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know!  
VRISKA: I’m so sorry! I’m so fucking sorry! You think I don’t feel 8ad a8out you all? You think you didn’t all already haunt me 8EFORE????????

The ghosts continue their assault without hesitation. Is this Aradia’s idea of “revenge”? You’ll have to hand it to her, then: this is more fucked up than you thought she was capable of!

VRISKA: Haha, really cool party trick you’ve got here Aradia!  
VRISKA: I get it though. Lesson learned! You can make them all go away now!  
VRISKA: Aradia?

You run to your respiteblock. As it stands, running is hardly anything short of an impossible task - the onslaught of the deceased is too much to bear! You feel like they’re draining you of something, somehow. Wearing you down. Sentencing you to far a slower death than you ever condemned any of them to!

Oh, well look who’s messaging you now! You bet he thinks he can “help” you or whatever! No! Absolutely not! You’ve got this under control! If only SOMEONE would stop fucking CRYING so loudly, and you could actually THINK about this!

Oh fuck, it’s you. You’re the one crying.

The two of you then proceed to have a deeply uncomfortable conversation that underlines all the worst parts of yourself. [You’d be immensely ashamed if anyone else were to read it.](https://www.homestuck.com/story/2244)

You sigh and massage your temples. He makes a great point, but that’s the worst fucking part! Oh well, who gives a shit. It’s not like you’re just going to keep all these things around to prove him wrong. His opinion means nothing to you! So you guess that leaves only one thing left to do.

You then bother Aradia online for a few minutes, and violently murder her for a few seconds.

In an instant, the ghosts dissipate. The air clears. The block feels way less claustrophobic. Wow, and to think it was that easy!

And then you see apocalypseArisen go offline and the weight of what you just did clicks.

No more will you patiently sit through Aradia’s weirdly peppy meddling, or go on any more of your adventures together, or talk to each other about your flarp character designs for hours on end, or joke around about how much you’ve changed since you first met, or anything like that.

Aradia’s dead, and it’s all your fault. You monster.

Sure, alright! Okay! She’s dead! No big deal! Stop fucking hyperventilating, Vriska! Someone of her caste shouldn’t have fucked with you, plain and simple! In fact, it’s great that you polished her off so quickly! This is simply just how things have to be.

[SPIDERMOM]: Well, I’m not sure what you just did, but thank you. Finally, some peace and damned quiet, you know?  
[SPIDERMOM]: Hmhmhm.

Ah, great. The last thing you need is Her supporting your decision. As if you weren’t already having enough trouble telling yourself you made the right move.

If I may implicate myself into this feud for what all signs seem to suggest is the last time, I think some congratulations are in order.  
AG: Wh8t the fuck did you just m8ke me do????????  
AG: I told you I d8dn’t need to kill her! I knew I could f8gure something out! I could have m8de it up to her somehow!  
AG: 8ut you got all in my head and stuff, and now she’s DE8D!  
Come, come.  
Do I really seem the kind of man who would do such a thing?  
Your conclusion (and by extension, Ms. Megido’s death) was an inevitability. I simply saw fit to see it through more personally than I’m otherwise so usually inclined.  
AG: So what! I would have killed her without your grubby little hands getting caught up in matters?????????  
AG: 8S!!!!!!!!  
AG: Now what am I supposed to do!  
Nothing that I deem myself worth getting involved in.  
Perhaps it would interest you to ponder, for the time being: is it possible to resist being persuaded by the rhetoric of the omniscient?  
Am I not, by my nature, attuned to the every possible outcome of every possible conversation we could hold?  
Mind you, my work here is done. Have a nice night, Ms. Serket.  
AG: 8luh. Sure thing, loser.

God, you are so done with him. Everyone else, however, is probably so done with you. If not before now, then totally after this! Hell, you sure as fuck are.  
As if you could face any of them on your own volition anyway! What are you supposed to tell them, how you feel? You’re almost six, for crying out loud, and you’re still iffy about murder???????? Goodness, you really are defective.

GC: 3V3RY T1M3 1 TH1NK YOU C4NT G3T WORS3 YOU PROV3 M3 WRONG  
GC: SH3 W4S OUR FR13ND VR1SK4! WH4T TH3 FUCK H4PP3N3D TO YOU?

God, can’t you tell her how much pain you’re in right now? How badly you want Aradia back already? How racked with regret and shame and fear you are? No, of course you can’t. You know she’d just think you were weak or broken or something.

AG: Nah, I’ll take your side on this one!  
AG: That was so fucked up of me, right?  
AG: Well at least I can’t hurt her anymore! Hahahahahahahaha!  
GC: FUCK1NG UNB3L13V4BL3  
GC: YOU KNOW  
GC: 1 W4S TH1NK1NG OF G1V1NG YOU 4 S3COND CH4NC3 OR SOM3TH1NG  
GC: OR HOW3V3R M4NY CH4NC3S 1TS B33N SO F4R  
GC: BUT 1F YOUR3 GONN4 B3 TH4T W4Y 1 DOUBT YOUR3 4CTU4LLY PL4NN1NG ON CH4NG1NG 4NYT1M3 SOON  
GC: NOW YOUR3 JUST 4NOTH3R CR1M1N4L 1N MY S1GHTS  
AG: What, is it illegal for me to kill rust8loods now?  
GC: NO >:[  
AG: Ha! You can’t touch me on any grounds 8eyond a personal grudge, huh!  
AG: I've got all the laws on my side here! Aaaaaaaall of them!  
GC: OK4Y SO M4YB3 YOU 4R3NT 4 CR1M1N4L P3R S3  
GC: BUT JUST B3C4US3 YOU D1DNT BR34K TH3 L4W DO3SNT M34N TH3R3 1SNT JUST1C3 TO S3RV3  
GC: NOT TH4T 4NY OF TH4T M4TT3RS R1GHT NOW 1T LOOKS L1K3 1 4CTU4LLY H4V3 MOR3 1MPORT4NT TH1NGS TO DO TH4N T4LK TO 4 G1RL STRUGGL1NG TO CR4M H3R OWN 3GO UP H3R 4SS 4S 4 S3LF CONGR4TUL4TORY R1TU4L FOR K1LL1NG OUR B3ST FR13ND  
GC: 1LL S33 YOU 4ROUND  
GC: FOR TH3 L4ST T1M3

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].

Urgh. What a load of fakey fake mind game psycheout bullshit. And what a bitch she is, huh! You guess that’s that, then. It’s over. But whatever, it’s not like you really care or anything.

This is so like her, huh. Just cutting ties over a single mistake like this, as if you didn’t just tell her you agreed with her!

But if this is what it’s come to, so be it. She’s dead to you now.

_GC: 1 C4M3 H3R3 TO OFF3R MYS3LF NOT JUST 4S 4 T34MM4T3_  
_GC: BUT PR1M4R1LY 4S 4 FR13ND_

You stand up out of your chair and stretch a little. It’s a bit of a quiet night, if you’re honest. Tonight’s hunt didn’t put up much of a fight. You probably didn’t get as much exercise out of it as you expected.

_AG: Ha! Me? I don’t need friends, all they do is disappoint me._  
_GC: WH1CH 1S 3X4CTLY WHY YOU N33D ON3_

You figure it’s about time you did this, you know? Gotta make amends for mistakes of the past. And what mistake is there bigger than you?  
You head downstARGH FUCK ANOTHER SHITTING D4 OWWWWWWWW OW OW OW IT POKED RIGHT INTO THE HEEL  
Whatever, don’t clean it up. You deserve that.

_GC: SO_  
_GC: WH4T DO YOU S4Y_  
_GC: T34MM4T3 SL4SH FR13ND >:]_

You head downstairs, for real this time. How long’s it been since you talked to Her by choice? A sweep? Two? Way too long either way, in your opinion.  
Speaking of which, now that you don’t have anyone on your side to help you feed yourself while feeding Her, She’s noted that your physique seems to be improving. You agree! Sure, you get nauseous sometimes now, but it’s really no big deal if it means you look hotter. Besides, you can’t *prove* that nausea’s because of your changing diet.

_AG: I say..._  
_AG: You and I have a lot of potential._

You glance out the window on your way down. Daaaaaaaamn, this place sure ain’t any less dead than it’s always been, huh? Remember that time you thought about jumping out of it to kill your lusus in some big, heroic sacrifice? Hahahahahahahaha! What a load of garbage that idea would have been!

_AG: And I think if we work together, we can realize it._  
_AG: So I’ll take you up on your little offer._  
_AG: Friend._  
_AG: >::::)_

You’re. You’re okay.

You’re fine. Just reminiscing on some dumb shit that doesn’t even matter. Don’t think about it too hard.  
Alright, if you’ve really gotta do this. Eight. Sixteen. Twenty-four. Thirty-two. Forty. Okay? Is that okay, you little bitch? Are your feeeeeeeelings still hurting or whatever?

Bluh.

VRISKA: Hey. Can we talk?  
SPIDERMOM: Oh? I seem to recall having already dismissed you for the night.  
VRISKA: Who do you think you’re kidding, acting like you have anything 8etter to do?  
SPIDERMOM: ...  
SPIDERMOM: Very well, I suppose you have a point.  
SPIDERMOM: Why do you come to me now of all times?  
VRISKA: I don’t know, what’s so special a8out this moment in particular?  
SPIDERMOM: That’s what I’m asking you, you dull boy.

You whimper a little. Around Her, you’d be insane not to.

VRISKA: Well, if you really wanna know... I had a pretty 8rutal falling out with a 8unch of friends.  
SPIDERMOM: You have friends?  
VRISKA: Not anymore!  
VRISKA: Remem8er that one rust8looded girl you 8rought here like forever ago?  
SPIDERMOM: Of course.  
VRISKA: I, um,  
VRISKA: I killed her.  
SPIDERMOM: Oh?

Her face lights up. She looks... pleased, almost. You‘ve never seen Her like this before (and with any luck, you never will again).

VRISKA: Yep!  
VRISKA: She didn’t exactly come quietly, though.  
VRISKA: So unless you’d like to eat a pile of ashes, I can’t exactly feed her to you! Ha... haha...  
SPIDERMOM: Hahahaha!  
SPIDERMOM: You see, Carius? The kind of things you can achieve when you push yourself to your limits?  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: You know what? Sure. I guess you’re right a8out that.  
VRISKA: That’s pretty much what I came down here to say, actually. You were right.  
VRISKA: A8out everything, really.  
VRISKA: Or, most things at least.  
VRISKA: Look. The point is that ultim8tely, now that you’ve doomed me to an early grave and we’re mutualistically entangled for the alarmingly 8rief remainder of our lives, we need to stop fighting.  
VRISKA: I was... wrong, to dismiss you as old-fashioned, and selfish, and cruel...  
VRISKA: 8ut I see that now. If I wanna 8e tough enough to survive these next two sweeps I’ll have to start listening to you more!  
SPIDERMOM: Excellent! It’s about time you’d started socializing with your caste, and putting aside your childish games, and dressing as the right gender again,  
VRISKA: Alright, look here. Some things are off-limits, ok???????? There’s a whole 8unch of su8jects important to me that you don’t know a goddamn thing a8out, and you just need to fucking accept that the one of us who’s actually left the hive at all in the past sweep and three quarters knows what the fuck she’s talking a8out!  
VRISKA: Sure, you were right a8out SOME things 8ut I’m not exactly planning on 8ending over and sucking your palpal 8ul8s. Alright?  
MINDFANG: And let’s not forget which one of us has a mutually assured suicide stratagem armed and ready to use at any moment. 8ecause it sure as fuck 8n’t the giant spider too fat to do jack shit!  
SPIDERMOM: That’s funny. I could have sworn it was you.  
VRISKA: Oh, ha ha. Very clever.  
VRISKA: I’d tell you to give yourself a pat on the 8ack for that one, if you could reach!  
VRISKA: Let me make myself clear. I at least have the humility to admit defeat on some important topics. So when I draw the line and stand my ground, it’s for good fucking reason. 8esides, I hold half the cards here, and I’m the last person you want to make into your enemy.  
VRISKA: So just meet me halfway for once, alright????????  
SPIDERMOM: Hm.  
SPIDERMOM: No.

You shudder and jump back defensively.

VRISKA: Or! That!  
VRISKA: No is fine too, actually! I don’t have a pro8lem with that!!!!!!!!  
SPIDERMOM: Fantastic. Run along, now. I grow tired of seeing your face.  
VRISKA: Right away!

You do just that, making no real effort to hurry once you’re out of reach. God, what a fucking weirdo She is sometimes! You guess you can’t blame Her, having been stuck in this stupid fucking canyon for so long.

Anyway, you’d better go check up on whatever dumb shit Terezi’s up to now.

GC: H3Y VR1SK4  
GC: 4NYTH1NG TO S4Y

You slump into your chair and turn a full 720 degrees, for the hell of it. You hope she’s not STILL going on about Aradia. Can’t that conversation just be over and done with already?

AG: Ummmmmmmmm, no?  
AG: A8out what?  
GC: 4BOUT K1LL1NG H3R  
GC: 4FT3R YOU S41D YOU WOULDNT  
AG: Oh, that? I thought we were done talking a8out it!  
AG: We concluded I messed up and I'm completely horri8le in every way.

You’re probably on a good half dozen watchlists for being so emotionally open right now. Can’t she see this is the best you can do?

AG: I can only feel SO AWFUL, you know. Here, I'm 8anging my head against the desk now.

Fuck!!!!!!!! Wow, that really hurts!

AG: 8ang 8ang 8ang. Are you happy?  
GC: NOT R34LLY  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, what do you want from me????????  
GC: 1M NOT SUR3  
GC: 1 GU3SS 1M LOOK1NG FOR SOM3 R34SON TO CH4NG3 MY M1ND  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOU C4N S4Y TH4TLL DO 1T  
GC: 1 SORT4 HOP3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG THOUGH

Is this... a second chance? To tell her the truth? To run crying into her arms and beg her to forgive you, so that you have even the slightest chance of forgiving yourself?

AG: Look, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say and I know that’s not worth much 8ut I just keep digging myself deeper into this stupid fucking hole, and 8ringing everyone down with me! I don’t expect you to forgive me o8viously, 8ut I can’t undo the mist8kes I’ve already m8de. No matter how much I wish I could undo it all. Erase it all. Start again. And I get things can’t go 8ack to the way they were, I really do!

No. No way are you sending that, this is so obviously a trap! You’re going to open up to her, and then you’re gonna be reported and culled for your weakness! Let’s try thinking of something else.

AG: You should lighten up a 8it. May8e even congratul8 me!  
AG: Wow, great jo8 Vriska! Single handedly taking out Team Charge like that.  
AG: No more competition from those low class clowns!

Perfect.

GC: N4H TH4T W4SNT 1T  
AG: Ok, well, change your mind a8out what!  
AG: What are you going to do, Pyrope!  
GC: 1 W4S PROB4BLY JUST GO1NG TO K1LL YOU  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!  
AG: You mean from your tree? With all your AMAAAAAAAAZING POWERS?  
AG: Tell me, what sort of powers do tree girls have? Swinging from vines and stuff?

What a fucking loser. She thinks she’s hot shit just because she can type a death threat with a straight face!

GC: MY TR33 DO3SNT H4V3 V1N3S >:[  
GC: SOM3T1M3S 1 L3T OTH3R P3OPL3 SW1NG FROM ROP3S THOUGH >:]  
GC: Y34H 4NYW4Y YOULL B3 D34D 1N 4 COUPL3 M1NUT3S  
AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!!  
AG: Complete and total muscle8east shit!  
GC: 1F YOU DONT B3L13V3 M3  
GC: WHY DONT YOU CONSULT W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 4DV4NT4G3  
GC: 1T S33MS TO H4V3 4LL TH3 4NSW3RS

Impulsively, your eyes flit over to it. Ugh, did she just get you to do that so easily? Can she play into your impulses so effortlessly, even the ones you’d hidden from her like this? Ridiculous!

You blush a little bit........

AG: I don't need to do that to know you're 8luffing.  
GC: Y34H  
GC: BUT  
GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 GONN4 4NYW4Y  
GC: 4DD1CT1ON 1S 4 POW3RFUL TH1NG >:]  
GC: S33 Y4

Hrmph. Nope. You’re not going to. You’re simply gonna sit here and just let her little plan play out stupidly and fruitlessly, assuming it’s even a thing at all.

Yep! Just gonna sit here, totally still, arms folded, and...

And...

Oh, fuck it. You flick on your vision eightfold, pick up the cue ball, and stand up. You guess you’re doing this now, huh? You’re really doing this!

VRISKA: Should I 8e worried a8out Terezi’s threat?  
YES

What? Bullshit! The damn thing must be faulty or something! You tap it against the desk twice, but its verdict stays exactly the same!

VRISKA: Ok, little 8all. Fine. If you're so smart, then answer this! How is it going to happen!  
VRISKA: HOW????????  
I WILL EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE

⁂

You bolt upright in your recuperacoon, gagging and spluttering. Blegh, you can’t get the taste of metal out of your mouth. Why the fuck does the sopor taste so bitter and ferrous and vile?  
And why is your hair in seven of your eyes? That’s so fucking annoying! You go to brush it aside, and your whole left arm feels a little dead. Were you sleeping on it, and now you’ve got that fuzzy feeling running through it? Augh, it also feels super tense, and uncomfortably warm. Fuck, it actually really hurts!

Your fingertips brush against nothing at all, and you still can’t see. You try brushing it aside with your right hand, and still nothing. Cautiously, you touch your left eyes.

Nononononononono...

You crawl out, careful not to lean too much on your sore arm. Even so, the pain doesn’t leave it, or even lighten up. You look down at it. It’s made entirely of metal.

No! This isn’t happening this isn’t happening this isn’t happening this isn’t happening this isn’t happening this isn’t happening this isn’t happening this isn’t happening!

Before checking out what the fuck the situation with your face is, you dress yourself as quickly as you can. You do NOT want to have to look at all your scars and stitches first thing in the evening. Especially not while you’re already kind of freaking out!!!

Your jacket’s left sleeve is burned right off, which matches up with your missing... oh god, your missing arm. Oh, fucking god. Your glasses, too - Fuck! Your glasses! The left lens has just shattered to pieces! You clench your good fist and really really hope that that doesn’t match up to a missing body part too. You duct tape up the missing lens, but you know you’re just delaying the inevitable. You know you’re going to look at your reflection, Vriska. You’re not going to be able to help yourself.

Ugh. Steel yourself.

Oh

Ohg od

No o hgo dno  
  
  


  
You cover your mouth with both hands and shake your head in disbelief, shock, terror. This isn’t your face anymore, it’s a sick fucking parody!  
The top left corner of your face is scarred, burned, and warped beyond recognition. Where once were a beautiful seven eyes, and a dashingly sharp cheekbone, there’s now only a dark blue patch of pure body horror. It streaks back, stretching into that corner of your hairline, forcing it to recede...  
Fuck, no. You can’t look anymore.

You bury what’s left of your face in what’s left of your hands. The idea of your big martyr moment you rolled around in your head a couple times suddenly doesn’t seem so unappealing.

Alright, alright. You’re not going to change anything by looking away.

So, your hair’s fucked. You very very badly need to grow out a fringe to disguise this bald patch. And your ruined face too, of course. Now that some of your muscle tissue’s been burned out (shit, is that a bit of exposed bone there?) there’s a little slack in that side of your jaw. You force a smile, and a frown, and a half dozen other expressions. They all look so fucking stupid and fake!

God, you need a moment. You need a fucking moment. This is fucked. This is grotesque. And this next part... Oh god. Ohhhhhhhh god.

Now that your upper lip is a little limp, you notice something you never noticed before.

Two short, black hairs protruding just below the corner of your nose.

You smash your steel fist into the mirror. It shatters to pieces under the force. Great. Just what you need. More bad luck!

Ha! Oh, hahahahahahahaha! This is all just some big, dumb, twisted, overblown joke! None of this is anything a little makeup can’t hide!

And on the plus side, you remember what happened last night! So at least you can say Terezi’ll never see you like this!

Haha... ha ha... ha........

You want to fucking kill yourself.

Fuck.

⁂

And so the nights pass, and they pass endlessly and eternally. Every night feels like an entire bilunar perigee, every perigee like a fucking sweep. You and Terezi draw up a truce, only to never speak to one another again. That just leaves two bridges unburned, and a third that can never seem to catch alight. And you see to those all, one by one, in a last-ditch effort to at least control *something* in your life.

Equius, of course, is up first. You finally unfurl all those doomsday schematics Eridan sent you, like, forever ago. You’ve hardly spared them a thought, what with how much thinking about him would be salt in the million wounds you seem to have all the time these nights.  
You don’t tell Equius what they’re for, of course, and you direct his construction pretty firmly. In fact, you’d say that even though he’s putting all of these together, it’s you who’s doing all the hard work!

Kanaya is pretty fucking obsessed with you whenever you need some time to yourself, and always busy and aloof whenever you’re desperate for her attemtion. You hate it, naturally, but you figure she may as well make herself useful. So you commission her for a dress. A quaint little white thing that, honestly, you’re pretty excited to try out! You’ve never worn a dress before!

And Tavros... Hah, what a mess that situation is! Sure, he’s soft and pathetic and AAAAAAAAWFUL in every way, but at least he’s more or less in the running to get culled now, just like you! Really, you’re both helpless, mutilated pieces of shit who can barely live on your own! So he’s prime material for you to try and develop a romantic relationship with, right? Blackrom, of course. You’re not a fucking idiot, you know his stupid, dumb, lame ass isn’t something you can love by any stretch of the imagination. But hey, it’s something!

And you know what? You’re pretty happy, actually! You’ve eked out a fine little life for yourself, and it’s got structure to it. It’s stable. You’re in control. And if you can’t be happy with it? If you can’t live as yourself? Well, then you’re gonna blow Alternia the fuck up, of course!

And then one night, with no warning, you get a message that totally turns your life upside down.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

AA: hell0 vriska  
AA: its been a while  
AG: Oh, what the fuck?  
AG: What kind of sick fuck are you, messaging me through a dead girl’s account, quirk and all????????  
AA: 0h  
AA: in truth i expected a reacti0n like this 0ut 0f y0u  
AA: but i hardly have a resp0nse prepared  
AA: the v0ices 0nly grew l0uder after y0u killed me  
AA: m0re  
AA: insistent  
AA: that i c00perate with them in trying t0 fulfill their g0als  
AA: ive been busy with that ever since  
AG: Oh cut the 8ullshit! Stop roleplaying as my dead friend, or else I’ll figure out who you are and I’ll fucking kill you!  
AA: 0_0  
AG: Seriously, I’m not playing around. Quit it!  
AA: i am  
AA: playing ar0und that is  
AA: 0r rather i will be  
AA: in fact the c0ntinued survival 0f tr0llkind is reliant 0n the fact that i will s00n play a game with all my friends and friends 0f th0se friends  
AA: y0u will be am0ng 0ur numbers  
AG: No! A8solutely not!  
AG: Tell all your friends to go shove it. Your game must 8e seeeeeeeeriously fucked up if this is how you think to introduce it to me!  
AA: thats true  
AA: thats why i will be running it  
AA: and als0 why i extend the invitati0n

Oh.

You lean back in your chair and stare at the ceiling. Your mouth is just kind of limply hanging open.

AG: Holy shit, it really is you!  
AG: Oh my god Aradia! You would not 8ELIEVE how happy I am to hear you’re ok!  
AA: 0k is  
AA: certainly the w0rd f0r what i am  
AA: im 0k ab0ut alm0st everything  
AA: but i am n0t 0k in the sense that y0u think i might be  
AA: a l0t has changed 0f c0urse  
AG: I don’t care! You’re alive and that’s all that matters!  
AA: actually  
AA: i am n0t alive  
AA: i am a gh0st  
AG: W8, really? Damn, that’s a total 8ummer!  
AA: it has its ups and d0wns  
AA: but im trying t0 keep it under wraps  
AA: many 0f 0ur friends w0uld be very skeptical 0f this fact and waste a l0t 0f time in trying t0 pr0cess it  
AA: time which we d0nt have  
AA: because we will need t0 begin playing this game t0night  
AA: 0r else we will all surely die  
AG: Hey, is dying really such a 8ig deal? If I turn into a cool ghost afterwards, what’s the pro8lem!  
AA: y0u will n0t turn int0 a c00l gh0st  
AA: this is a thing that 0nly i can d0  
AG: Oh what? That’s so unfair!  
AA: its n0t really a big deal  
AA: i just th0ught i sh0uld let y0u kn0w f0r when s0llux messages y0u later t0night with m0re details  
AA: bear in mind th0ugh  
AA: if y0u j0in us y0u will finally be free 0f alternia and its empire f0rever

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

Holy shit, she’s actually fucking back. She’s actually fucking back, and she wants to take you off-world! You’re too excited to contain yourself anymore! You have get up and stim for aNOTHER FUCKING D4!!!!!!!!

What the fuck? Seriously, there are so many of these little bastards pretty much everywhere. The soles of your shoes are more or less held together with duct tape at this point.  
In your anger, you clench your fists and spit a long string of swears. Augh!

The tension makes your left arm overheat a little. That’s fine, you guess. This thing wasn’t really built with an actual troll using it in mind. You flex its fingers until it cools off. The motion is clumsy. Imprecise. Delayed. Fake.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AG: Hey Equiuuuuuuuus!  
AG: Your stupid fake arm is 8eing a useless piece of junk, as always.  
CT: D--> Is it ever not  
AG: No! It’s never not! That’s why I’m pissed off a8out it!  
AG: M8ke me a 8etter one, I’m gonna 8e really 8usy tonight!  
CT: D--> No  
AG: What????????  
CT: D--> I too am busy tonight  
CT: D--> Captor is running me ragged with preparations for a game he insists I must play tonight  
CT: D--> Not that I am particularly inclined to obey the whims of a lowb100d but he was rather  
CT: D--> Insistent  
CT: D--> And while I maintain I am by no measure his inferior  
CT: D--> Much less subservient to one of his hue  
AG: Okay, you’re getting off to it. I get it.  
CT: D--> Please stand by Ms. Serket  
CT: D--> I suddenly feel STRONGLY compelled to find myself a towel  
AG: Ew.  
AG: Oh, while I’m here I’ve 8een thinking!  
AG: Let’s say hypothetically Aradia came 8ack somehow. 8ut as a ghost!  
AG: You know Aradia right?  
AG: Rust8lood, 8ig, curved horns, huge mop of curly hair?  
CT: D--> I am familiar with her  
CT: D--> Perhaps even e%tremely so  
AG: Nice!  
AG: As I was saying, let’s say she happened to need a new corporeal 8ody to inha8it.  
AG: Would you 8e capa8le of 8uilding her one?  
CT: D--> Of course  
CT: D--> As it happens I already have  
CT: D--> It can be completed in mere minutes  
AG: Awesome! Man, I knew I could count on you.  
AG: W8.  
AG: What?  
AG: Why do you have a soulless vessel for Aradia’s ghost just on hand?  
CT: D--> Silence midb100d  
CT: D--> Understanding of my indigo machinations is beyond both your comprehension and your privilege  
AG: Oh, good lord.  
AG: You didn’t... like...?  
CT: D--> Of course not  
CT: D--> That you would even assume as much disgusts me no end  
AG: Well, that’s a relief!  
AG: You see, I’m gonna need that.  
AG: As a gift!  
AG: To her!  
AG: From me!  
CT: D--> Despite the body being of my own design  
AG: Exactly!  
AG: See, I knew I could count on you to 8ack me up on this thing.  
CT: D--> Very well  
CT: D--> I can tell already that despite how 100dicrous your entitlement to the fruits of my STRONGNESS may be you will not be swayed on this point  
CT: D--> So for reasons of my own I will a%ept this plan  
CT: D--> And for the time being  
CT: D--> Although my saying so is downright scandalous  
CT: D--> I shall even consider you my equal  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! You’re the gr8est, man. A real riot. You know that?  
AG: Hold on, I’ve gotta go. Aradia’s lame 8oyfriend is sending me the lowdown on that game you mentioned.

You then proceed to do a whole bunch of really important stuff: Joining a group called “the blue team”, bothering Aradia a whole bunch, bothering Tavros waaaaaaaay more, listening to the white text guy give you one final farewell after like fifty million years of keeping his loser mouth shut, putting your dear old lusus down, getting kicked out of the blue team, joining the red team... you know. That kind of stuff.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Taaaaaaaavros.  
AT: oH,  
AT: hEY VRISKA, i’M,,, nOT REALLY SURE WHAT JUST HAPPENED,  
AG: You entered the session, dummy! And it’s aaaaaaaall thanks to yours truly.  
AT: oH UH,,,,, tHANK YOU FOR HELPING ME WITH THAT THEN,,,  
AT: sINCE I SEEM TO BE ALIVE,, aND UNHARMED,,,,,  
AT: wHICH I THINK IS A PRETTY GOOD STATE FOR ME TO BE IN RIGHT NOW,,, gIVEN MY WEIRD AND CONFUSING CIRCUMSTANCES THAT I WILL HAVE TO ADAPT TO VERY QUICKLY,,, bECAUSE I THINK I MIGHT BE ON A DIFFERENT PLANET,,,,  
AT: aLTHOUGH IT WOULD BE A PRETTY GOOD STATE TO BE IN IN PROBABLY ANY SITUATION,  
AG: Ugh, do you ever shut up?  
AG: You just go on and on endlessly a8out a load of shit no8ody actually cares a8out!  
AG: Aaaaaaaanyway, while you were 8oggling vacantly at whatever the fuck it was that you were doing, I took the opportunity to actually get started on 8uilding up your hive!  
AG: I will have to do so pretty sparingly now though. I have my own session entry to do! And I 8et it is way harder and more challenging than the snoozefest you just went through.  
AG: 8ye for now!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

You hurry downstairs and check up on that weird timer thing with the lid you can’t seem to get off. The... Cruxtruder?

AG: Got any 8right ideas now?  
GA: I Think Ive Figured It Out Yes  
GA: To Be Opened It Needs To Be Struck By A Sufficient Amount Of Force

Your latest giant death laser (WIP!) floats into the room and falls onto the lid. The weapon shatters to scrap while the Cruxtruder appears unharmed, but its lid pops off cleanly.

GA: Like So  
AG: What the hell!!!!!!!! I worked so hard on that thing!  
GA: Im Not Sure How Up To Date You Are On Our Current Situation  
GA: But I Believe The Transpiring Of The End Of The World Is Already In Perfectly Capable Hands  
GA: Hands Which Happen To Be Rocks  
GA: Rocks That Fall From Space  
AG: I guess you’re right.  
AG: 8ut I can’t help feeling I wasted a lot of effort!  
AG: Hold on, something just came out of the dum8 machine.  
AG: Oh hey Tavros got one of these things too!  
AG: Ugh, this thing kinda hurts to look at! Are you seeing this?  
GA: Yes  
GA: My Guide Calls It A Kernelsprite  
GA: It Seems To Be Something Every Player Has Regardless Of The Circumstances Surrounding The Rest Of Their Entry  
GA: You Will Also Need To Extrude A Cruxite Totem And Apply This Punched Card To It In The Lathe Which I Have Already Deployed Upstairs

A captchalogue card with a bunch of holes in it falls directly into your hands.

GA: Ill Save You The Trouble Of Prototyping Your Lusus While You Go Do That  
AG: Prototyping?  
GA: Resurrecting  
AG: Gr8........  
GA: Is Something The Matter  
AG: Nope! Everything’s hunky dory!  
GA: Your Finish Crumbs Lead Me To Believe Otherwise  
AG: Hey, aren’t we in kind of a rush here????????  
GA: Oh  
GA: Yes Thats Certainly True  
GA: Ill Be Right Back  
GA: By Which I Mean I Will Be Right Here  
GA: And Looking At A Different Room  
AG: Alright, I’ll go...  
AG: Totemify a lathe?  
GA: Wow I Sure Am Glad That I Can Trust You Well Enough To Fulfill This Simple Task Without Bothering Tavros  
GA: Since That Would Not Only Upset Him And By Extension Make Me Very Cross  
GA: But Also Waste Time While An Enormous Meteor Is En Route To Your Hive  
GA: It Really Is Such A Relief To Know You Wont Do Anything That Pointlessly Stupid  
AG: Yeah, I get what you’re saying!  
AG: It’s fine! I’ll leave him alone! I proooooooomise!

[You proceed to do something that pointlessly stupid.](https://www.homestuck.com/story/2349)

Kanaya, of course, takes it upon herself to strongarm you into actually helping him. Whatever! It’s not like you weren’t going to anyway, once you’d entered your own land. It’s fine. And you guess it is kinda cool, how he’s flying around all over the place like that. You know what? You cheer him on a little.  
You’re then distracted by a bright blue light filling the room. You turn to see that kernelsprite thing again, its core now adorned with the visage of your lusus. Wow, fuck this!

VRISKA: Hey. Looks like you finally lost some w8, huh?  
VRISKA: Welcome to my respite8lock, 8y the way.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Please, Carius. Now is hardly the time for jokes.  
VRISKA: Ha, wow! I didn’t even notice this form doesn’t have your 8ig disgusting mouth! No wonder your presence smells half decent for once!  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: That’s hardly fair. It’s not as if I expected you to brush my fangs, after all. But that's besides-  
VRISKA: Look, I’m sure it’d 8e really gr8 to have an argument with you where you can’t kill me anymore. 8ut could we save it for l8r?  
VRISKA: I’m 8usy.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: I completely understand.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: But you’re involving yourself in matters you really shouldn’t.  
VRISKA: Ugh, is now REALLY the 8est time to scold me for playing a game? If I fuck this up now, we’re toast!  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: ENOUGH!  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: You really are hopeless, aren’t you?  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: I’m doing everything I can to help you right now. It’s not something you’d ever grasp, but you’re in danger graver than you could ever fathom!  
VRISKA: What, and after everything you’ve done to me I’m supposed to 8e 8elieving you?  
VRISKA: Come on, you dum8 8itch. I’m not dying in a meteoric inferno that easily.

GA: Ive Deployed The Alchemiter On Your Roof  
GA: Or Rather  
GA: I Dropped It There Trying To Get It Into Your Block  
GA: Regardless I Have More Than Enough Grist To Build A Way Up There  
AG: Damn, you couldn’t get it in here?  
AG: Here I was hoping you could interrupt this super awkward family reunion! ::::(  
AG: You know what? Don’t worry a8out it. It’s fine. I’m fine.  
AG: Hey. Are you there?  
GA: Oh Right  
GA: Sorry Someone Is Messaging Me Right Now  
GA: Its Rather Urgent  
GA: Do You Think You Can Manage The Rest Of The Entry On Your Own  
AG: O8viously!  
AG: This game’s so fucking easy. Even Tavros and Karkat made it in just fine!  
AG: When you next hear from me, I’ll 8e in my land, drinking from the skull of an imp or something.  
AG: See ya then! >::::D

Before you shut your computer down, you check up on all your flarp group chats. Everyone bar you and a select few others are offline now. Most of them are filled with panicked warnings about meteors, and then they just cut out.  
Every last one of those offline names is another dead troll you used to know.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling abyssopelagicBifurcator [AB]

AG: Hey, Deathfin.  
AG: I get that I was kind of a 8itch at your weird little trial thing, even though 8lowing Eridan’s hive up was tight as fuck.  
AG: I just wanted to say it’s kind of a shame we couldn’t have 8een 8etter friends, you know? You’re pretty much a total 8adass, and I think we could have gotten along pretty good!  
AG: 8ut it looks like I'm one of the last people left alive on Alternia. And you and all the others we went sailing with just aren't.  
AG: Now I’m not gonna claim to know where it is people go where they die, 8ut...  
AG: I hope you and Salacia can finally 8e happy together now.  
AG: Dasvidaniya, tough guy. One day I’ll 8eat Eridan within an inch of his life, and tell him it's from the 8oth of you.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling abyssopelagicBifurcator [AB]

You nod slowly to yourself and take a deep breath. After a second, you push up from your desk, feeling more determined than ever before to survive this entry. You can do this, Vriska! Piece of cake!

[VRISKA]: Alright, let’s go finish this off.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Why aren’t you listening, you dull child?! This hive isn’t safe for you anymore. RUN!  
[VRISKA]: Yeah, yeah. I get it.

You pacewalk out of the block, and up the newly built stairs to the roof.

[SPIDERSPRITE]: Would it kill you to take me seriously just this once?

You turn on your heel and scoff in Her face.

[VRISKA]: I’ve 8EEN taking you seriously! I’ve listened to every word you’ve said for the past six sweeps! And you know what? THAT killed me.  
[VRISKA]: Guess what, though! 8ecause I’m not a self-centered little 8itch, I’m gonna let you actually fucking explain what the 8ig deal is. And I’m not even gonna complain a8out having to listen to you do it! My generosity really knows no 8ounds, huh?

You turn away again.

[SPIDERSPRITE]: *sigh*.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Carius, I-  
[VRISKA]: Vriska. My name is Vriska.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: ...  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Alright, fine. “Vriska”, I don’t know how to explain this to you.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: There’s a feeling deep at the core of my being that I haven’t felt in a long, long time. Not in many centuries, in fact!  
[VRISKA]: Uh-huh.

You place the totem on the alchemiter’s little pedestal.

[SPIDERSPRITE]: I’m scared. I’m so, so very scared.  
[VRISKA]: Oh? >::::)  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: There’s a presence, looming. One I haven’t sensed since I was your age.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: When me and my siblings first hatched, and our mother passed away, it was I who looked after my family.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: After all, I was the strongest. The most assertive. The most decisive.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: But even so, I wasn’t fit to keep us all alive and safe forever. Some of our numbers were too weak, too pathetic. Some even moreso than you.  
[VRISKA]: Oh 8oy. Just what I need, huh? A tragic little fucking 8ackstory.

The alchemiter finishes scanning your totem, and spawns an enormous eight-ball. The damn thing’s just asking to be smashed.

[SPIDERSPRITE]: Shut up, you stupid boy. I’m not done talking.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: One day, a strange figure approached me. He controlled me, somehow, although the question of how is one I’ll take to my grave.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: He made me do things I never would have dreamed of, things my younger self would have prayed she never would have had to do.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Then, eventually, there was only one spider left standing, her claws soaked in the blood of her kin.

You lean your weight against the eight-ball, trying to roll it off the building. It won’t budge an inch. You try with your back. Still nothing. You try with your shoulder. Still nothing!

[VRISKA]: Oh, a strange figure. How imagin8tive.  
[VRISKA]: Is that really the 8est you’ve got? You’re such a terri8le liar!

You look up at the meteor. Not a lot of time left. At this rate, you’re not going to make it in. This is so unfair!!!!!!!!

[SPIDERSPRITE]: He’s hard to describe.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: He carried himself as if he were a vain shell, a mere accessory to something far greater than he.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: He was composed at all times, and though he bore no face, I could tell that if he did, he would have worn a facetious smile whenever he spoke.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: And when he spoke his truthful little lies, he never slipped or paused or faltered. With unparalleled fluency, his voice was sweet as sugar...

The blood rushes from your face. You shake your head. She can’t be saying what you think She’s saying.

[SPIDERSPRITE]: And just as white.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Please, Carius, don’t you understand? He’s coming! Somehow I know he’s coming, and you have to run before he gets here!  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Even after everything, after all the lip, and sarcasm, and neglect I endured from you, I can’t let what he did to me happen to you too!  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: RUN!!!!!!!!

You leap from the side of the eight-ball and sprint across the roof towards the staircase. Before you make it, though, a flash of light shines in the corner of your eye from the direction of the green moon. A bolt of emerald lightning strikes the rooftop, and where it strikes, appears a short, sharply dressed man with one hand in his pants pocket, and the index finger of his other carrying a white coat behind his back.

The most striking thing about him, though, is the arena stickball in place of his head. Somehow, you know exactly who he is.

I’m afraid that won’t be possible. After all, I’m already here.  
Hello, ladies.  
VRISKA: What the fuck are you doing here???????? You said our last convers8tion was the final one!!!!!!!!  
I said it was the last time we were going to talk. But talking is hardly an apt descriptor for what I’m doing now, isn’t it?  
I’ve no mouth to speak. No keyboard to type. No telepathy to broadcast my thoughts.  
In fact, how am I communicating with you at all? There’s a question worth pondering.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Wait, you know him?  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Carius! How long have you known him?!  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: And how come you never even thought to tell me????????  
Please be quiet, my dear. Those among us with actual cosmic significance are trying to have a conversation.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: R- right.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Of course. I’m sorry.  
It’s no matter. I’m just pleased my investment in you paid off.  
You raised Ms. Serket here exceptionally well, even if you did make the novice mistake of assuming you had any free will on the matter.

He snaps his fingers. The meteor looming above your hive teleports into his palm, reduced to the size of a pebble. He crushes it to dust effortlessly. Inside is a single small, white sphere. An egg, of some kind.

You needn’t pay this object any mind, by the way. All I’m doing is sowing the seed of an exile station, a game construct you’ll learn about soon enough.

Without warning, it vanishes.

Again, it’s not necessary for you to worry over it. The fact of the matter is simply that I’m going to need to escort you off the premises as soon as possible, to make way for a very important guest.  
I’d simply have him wait, so that I might instead summon him from the future, but he’ll one day make it woefully clear that he harbors a vicious dislike for time travel.  
VRISKA: “The premises”?! This is my fucking hive!  
This is my planet.  
VRISKA: What, are you insane? Alternia 8elongs to its empire!  
And its empress belongs to me.  
Regardless, your entry item is proving itself to be a nuisance. Let’s tend to that, shall we?  
After all, I’d say I have something of a knack for urging the stubborn in the right directions.

He throws his coat to the wind. It disperses into particle dust, reconstitutes, and reforms in the palm of his hand as a small, white revolver. With his free hand, he lifts your chin to look up at him. He’s your height now, was he always your height? You have the strangest feeling that he was shorter than you a minute ago. His grip is burning hot, and surprisingly firm.

Oh, how you’ve grown.  
They grow up so fast, don’t they? One moment, they’ve barely slithered out of their choroid, the next, they fall helplessly and cluelessly into the service of my master.  
And my, my, Ms. Serket. What an excellent servant you’ve proven yourself to be.  
[SPIDERSPRITE]: Keep your vile little claws away from my son.  
Of course. That shouldn’t be a problem.  
After all, there’s nobody here but myself, you, and your delightful young daughter.  
Ms. Serket?

He holds the revolver out to you. You don’t know why, but you take it. Trembling, you raise it to the eight-ball. With your other hand, you rub your face where he touched you. The few sprigs of facial hair that protruded from your face have been burned out.

Oh dear. Your firing posture is as abysmal as your personality, Ms. Serket.  
No matter, though. Here, allow me to demonstrate.

When he stands behind you and places a hand on your shoulder, you can’t help but flinch. And when he places his other hand on your chest and pulls you in close to him, a shudder runs up your spine.  
His hand on your shoulder extends out across your arm, straightening it. You whimper. He nudges your other shoulder, prompting you to support your first arm with your second. His hand moves to your chin again, and straightens your neck so that you’re staring down the gun’s sights.

VRISKA: Ple8se, let go of me...  
VRISKA: I h8 this! I f8el so fucking 8wful!  
What’s wrong? Do you think yourself unsafe in my hands? After all this time, do you still consider me untrustworthy?  
VRISKA: *snif* Just... just let me go.  
VRISKA: And stop 8reathing so heavily into my aural canal, I am totally freaking out right now!  
Breathing? How could I possibly be breathing right now?  
Push such peculiar notions from your mind. The meteors will only worsen with time, leaving us both on very, very tight schedules.  
VRISKA: Well there is definitely some kind of 8reathing sound coming from inside your head somehow! Can you make it st-  
Hm. Why don’t we have one last test of your trust and my patience? For old time’s sake.  
After all, this is the final time our paths are ever bound to cross.

He grabs both of your wrists and pulls them close to your chest. The barrel of his gun is now pressed squarely against the underside of your chin.

Go on, Ms. Serket. Pull the trigger, and hope I teleport the weapon out of your grasp before the swing of the firing mechanism’s hammer.  
Either way, you’re going to learn a very important lesson, incredibly quickly.  
So what are you waiting for?

You shut your eyes as tightly as you can and furiously shake your head. You try to squirm out of his grasp, but to no avail.

Do you think I’m trying to force your hand for the sake of my own amusement?  
Please. There’s only one way this can play out, and play out it must, in fact, alarmingly soon.  
This mesa will be unestablished by the arrival of yet another meteor in under sixty seconds from now.  
As much as I would like to deliver this parting gift to you, there’s only so much time in which you can act.  
VRISKA: This is your idea of a parting fucking gift????????  
What gift is more valuable than that of wisdom?  
VRISKA: ........  
Forty seconds.  
You have my absolute assurance that I have a precisely fifty percent chance of interfering.  
To give you a more precise understanding of the stakes, my gun is fully loaded and absolutely deadly.  
Is something the matter? I thought you enjoyed a good gamble.

You sob and sniffle. So this is it, huh? End of the line. You know it must be. Surely there’s some oddly worded clause, some half truth, tucked away in his monologue that boils down to your death being absolutely certain. Something you can’t figure out in just half a minute. And to make matters worse he’s STILL HOLDING YOU!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Alright, you sick f8ck!  
VRISKA: You w8nna get off to a l8ttle girl 8lowing her pans out???????? 8e my fuck8ng guest!

Click.

VRISKA: Wh-  
Didn’t I say there was only one way this could play out?  
So there was never any real risk of you dying.  
VRISKA: 8ut! 8ut you said your gun was fully loaded!!!!!!!!  
And it is.  
Thankfully, this isn’t my gun.  
VRISKA: What?!  
Do you see any guns? All I see is my white dinner jacket.

He slips it on over his shoulder and lets go of you. It fits his frame perfectly. You slump to the ground. You're nearly bawling your eye out. He opens the suit, reaches into his inner pocket, and retrieves another revolver, identical to the one you thought you just held. The one you thought you were about to kill yourself with!

Bang.

The sound is ear-splitting, and you retreat into a fetal position as the bullet cuts right through the core of the eight-ball.

VRISKA: So that’s my lesson, huh? I’ve always needed you way more than you’ve needed me????????  
VRISKA: I 8et you feel reeeeeeeeal good a8out yourself, instilling that message in a dysphoric, disa8led, six-sweep-old girl!  
VRISKA: WHY WON’T Y8U JUST F8CKING D8E????????  
That wasn’t the lesson I was trying to teach you, although it’s certainly true on both counts. I’d like to add “annoying” and “obtuse” too.  
Although I dislike your attempt to make me seem a villain. After all, I’m more than capable of doing that myself.  
Just bear in mind that nothing was at stake in our little wager just now, if it can even be called that.  
If you take anything from this, you’ll ask yourself a question that could save you a lot of trouble in the very near future.  
VRISKA: ...  
You’re supposed to ask what that question is.  
VRISKA: ...  
“Does luck ever really matter?” You’d do well to at least think it over. The answer might surprise you.  
Bon Voyage, Ms. Serket. And I do mean forever.

In a flash of green, he vanishes again. The D20 from within the eight-ball rolls to your side, and lands firmly on “No”.

The world beyond your hive grows darker and darker. You feel weightless, and lift slightly off of the roof. Then, in an instant, your surroundings change completely. A small, faint blue sun hangs in an amber sky covered in charts and compasses and maps and arrows. Stretching out for miles around your hive is a clear blue ocean, lapping softly against dark puce rocks. Gravity returns to you, and you land flat on your back. You don’t get up.

Your lusus, now returned to Her normal shape (albeit thankfully only your size) looms over you.

SPIDERSPRITE: Oh, Carius...

You sneer up at her.

VRISKA: So this is all some 8ig secret you’ve 8een keeping, huh? This is a shocking twist covering up your tragic past.  
VRISKA: Aaaaaaaall this time, you were just as fucked up and 8roken as me.  
SPIDERSPRITE: My dear, nobody could ever be as broken as you.  
SPIDERSPRITE: ...  
SPIDERSPRITE: For once, neither of us need each other anymore. Perhaps you’ll disagree, but I think it’s about time we went our separate ways.  
SPIDERSPRITE: It should come as no surprise that I’m tired of watching over a sad, pitiable little thing like you.  
VRISKA: You don’t need to justify it. If you’re gonna fuck off, just do that.  
VRISKA: Just leave me alone.  
VRISKA: I h8 you.

She nods. She looks rather sombre about it.

SPIDERSPRITE: Farewell.  
SPIDERSPRITE: “Vriska”.

She slinks off, over the edge of the roof and down the wall. Finally, some goddamn peace and quiet.

> Thief.

Oh, fucking hell. Now you’re hearing voices.

> Your adventure has just begun.

Fuck adventure. Fuck everything! You just feel so dirty, and worthless, and scared, and broken, and unloved...

> Very well. Get some rest. You’ll need it for the journey to come.

Alright, weird voice in your head. You can do that. In fact, you think you’re just going to fall asleep...

Right...

Here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, wow. I wasn't fucking around with that CW at the start of the chapter, huh. Trust me, though. This is as dark as it gets.
> 
> NGL, bawled my eyes out several times writing this one. It tackles some very heavy and personal concepts and ideas I just really needed to get out there. Some of it's allegorical, some of it's... pretty fucking literal. I knew I had to make chapter 7 so light and fluffy and fill it with some of the feelings from some of the best moments of my life because this chapter? It's the exact opposite.
> 
> Personally, I think all art should be this really intimate relationship between artist and audience where I put myself in this very vulnerable place for you to see, for you to take as entertainment, and you, in turn, give me some power to make you think or feel something you're not necessarily going to enjoy thinking or feeling. More on this later, I think you and I have done enough of that for now.
> 
> On that note, I might take a break before working on chapter 9. I'm fucking exhausted after writing this. See ya then!
> 
> \- Grace Caroline "power46" Medley


	9. Day 5: PREAMBLE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, this chapter's formatting is pretty bunk on mobile. Read it on desktop if you can.

VRISKA: AAAAAAAA!

You jolt awake screaming at the crack of dawn. Your bedsheets are absolutely soaked with sweat. You remember now. You remember EVERYTHING. There was shit that happened back then that your mind was too young and too racked with grief to comprehend, to process, to remember, but...

Ohhhhhhhh godddddddd.

Mom bursts into the room.

JADE: what happened!  
JADE: i heard screaming!  
VRISKA: Mom, I...  
VRISKA: Mom, I need to go back to therapy.  
JADE: whats the matter  
JADE: are you crying?

You shake your head, pause for a second, look away in shame, and nod. Yeah, you guess you are. Mom pulls you close to her chest and pats your back.

JADE: shhh vriska its ok  
JADE: youre fine  
JADE: youre safe  
JADE: it was all just a bad dream alright? thats all it was

You sigh and pull away from her. She runs a hand through your hair. You follow it with one of your own and gently catch her by the wrist.

VRISKA: I guess.

She kisses you on the forehead and stands up. Under the covers you feel your left arm. Yep, still there. Still as fleshy as ever.

VRISKA: Honestly, I’m not even sure if more therapy would help at this point.  
VRISKA: I think my 8rain’s just a little fucked.  
VRISKA: 8luh, I don’t even wanna get out of 8ed todaaaaaaaay...  
JADE: well you definitely should!  
JADE: its not healthy to just lay in bed all day and let that time go to waste!  
JADE: your uncle used to be like that most of the time  
JADE: gosh he was so impossible back then!!!  
VRISKA: Yeah, alright. Good point.  
VRISKA: Last thing I wanna fucking do is end up like John...

You haul yourself out of bed and groan.

VRISKA: Uuuuuuuugh, today’s gonna suck. I can just feel it.  
JADE: that uh  
JADE: sure is an attitude to start the day with  
VRISKA: 8elieve me, I’m right.  
JADE: :/  
JADE: look why dont i make breakfast today since youre in such a bad mood  
JADE: it can be anything you want!  
VRISKA: Hmph.  
VRISKA: Sure, alright. Whatever.  
VRISKA: Is it cool if I tell you a8out my dream while we eat?  
JADE: sure!! id love to hear all about whats been weighing on your mind!  
VRISKA: Alright, then... you’re gonna need something you won’t 8arf up easily.  
JADE: oh......  
JADE: alright i guess ill go put something together

She leaves, slowly, unsurely, casting one last look back over your shoulder at you. You wonder how much of you she can see.  
You feel your arm again. Yep, still there. If you need a moment, take it. Just chill out for a second. Get your breathing under control.  
Got it? Awesome. Great work.  
Just... promise yourself you can keep it together. Promise yourself you can put the past behind you. If not for your own sake, then do it for mom.

C’mon, Vriska. It’s a whole new day. You can do this! Yeah, actually! You’re feeling pretty good about this! You’ve got a scholarship for a mechanical engineering degree, a job offer from Skaianet, and a mother you mean the world to! You’re not dying, or bleeding out, or being held at gun... at... at coatpoint! You’re doing great!!!!!!!!

You throw on your checkered red shirt, and your pretty damn standard blue jeans, and run downstairs. Man, breakfast smells fucking good! You massage your left bicep once more and head into the kitchen. Mom’s tending to a pot on the stove.

VRISKA: So, what’s cookin’? Smells pretty damn good.  
JADE: nothing special! im just stewing a couple apples to have with some oatmeal  
JADE: which is probably the least painful thing to regurgitate that i can think of hehe  
VRISKA: Ha, nice.  
VRISKA: You know I could do it, if you want.  
JADE: yeah i know i know!!!  
JADE: but i just wanna do it my way  
VRISKA: That’s fair.  
VRISKA: Hey... am I taller than you now?

She glances over her shoulder at you.

JADE: i dont know maybe!  
VRISKA: Oh my god, I am! Ha!  
JADE: no youre  
JADE: wait  
JADE: no youre not!  
VRISKA: I, wh- Hey! You can’t levit8! That’s cheating!

The two of you giggle under your breath. You softly tug her back down by the back of her collar. She waves you off with one hand.

About a minute later, the two of you sit across from one another at the table. Your breakfasts sit in front of you and steam faintly.

JADE: sorry i couldnt make it to the graduation ceremony last night :(  
JADE: you know how i am with loud crowded places  
VRISKA: It’s cool, don’t even worry a8out it.  
VRISKA: It was mostly pretty 8oring anyway!  
JADE: i know i just feel like i missed out on an important moment in your life!  
VRISKA: Hey, what did I just say? Seriously, don’t even worry a8out it!  
JADE: ok if you say so!  
JADE: that aside  
JADE: you wanted to tell me about this dream you had last night  
VRISKA: Yeah, it was one of those flash8ack ones! 8ut like, a new one!  
VRISKA: Well, not new. 8ut it was too traumatic for me to remem8er, actually. Especially since it was all stuff I had to process when I was like, eleven, twelve years old. Sorta pushed it out of my mind until last night!  
JADE: :O what happened in it?  
VRISKA: Oh, I...  
VRISKA: I...  
JADE: vriska?  
VRISKA: ........!  
JADE: ok ok ok just breathe normally  
VRISKA: I... AUGH!  
JADE: vriska give me your hand  
JADE: give me your hand vriska ive got you

She holds her hand out. You put your own in it. She applies a firm grip.

JADE: its ok  
JADE: its all ok  
JADE: it was all just a bad dream alright? all that stuff happened more than half a decade ago!!!!!  
JADE: come on just breathe normally youre having a panic attack

You try to tell her you know, but no sound escapes your lips.

_ [SPIDERMOM]: But the drones will be none too happy when- _  
VRISKA: GO AWAY! GO AWAY, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!  
VRISKA: I H8 YOU, I FUCKING H8 WHAT YOU DID TO ME!  
JADE: :O  
JADE: whats wrong  
VRISKA: h... h... h... h...  
VRISKA: I’m sorry, I...  
VRISKA: That’s not directed at you, I just... needed that.  
VRISKA: I had no idea how much I needed that, holy shit...  
JADE: :(  
JADE: is this about your lusus  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
VRISKA: I changed my mind, I don’t wanna fucking talk a8out this.  
VRISKA: Actually, I’m not even hungry anymore.  
JADE: oh dont be like that!!!! youre just upset because youre on an empty stomach!  
JADE: eat up and tell me all about her im sure itll be ok

You nod, with your mouth just kind of hanging open. You eat three spoonfuls of oatmeal, gulp, and tell her what happened. She freezes in place and drops her spoon into her bowl. It's another two seconds before she realizes as much.

JADE: holy fuck!!!!!!!!!!  
JADE: .......  
JADE: she just  
JADE: what  
JADE: cut it off and left you to die????  
VRISKA: Not a whole lot of cutting off.  
VRISKA: More kinda ripping out.

She dry heaves.

JADE: oh my god vriska thats disgusting  
JADE: thats probably the saddest grossest horriblest thing ive ever heard  
JADE: are you ok?????  
VRISKA: I mean, yeah. This is a different 8ody you’re talking to.  
JADE: no no no i mean emotionally!!!!!!  
VRISKA: What? Sure, like, yeah- I, like,  
JADE: youre saying like a lot  
VRISKA: Ye8h, it’s, it’s. Don’t even swe8t it! It’s all toooooooot8lly fine.  
VRISKA: I... I guess.  
JADE: i think i spoke too soon earlier  
JADE: if you wanna go back to therapy-  
VRISKA: No, I’m! I’m fine!  
VRISKA: 8esides, it pro8a8ly won’t even help this time.  
VRISKA: It’s just a 8unch of meaningless 8ullshit from a past that doesn’t even matter anymore! And it’s definitely not worth inconveniencing you over or anything.  
JADE: vriska

The corner of her lip curls into a smile.

JADE: making sure that my daughter is happy and healthy and comfortable with herself and her life isnt an inconvenience  
JADE: and it never will be  
VRISKA: Are you sure?  
JADE: of course im sure!!!  
VRISKA: Well, if you say you’re sure...  
VRISKA: 8ut I wanna do something nice for you, if you’re gonna 8e taking me 8ack to a therapist.  
VRISKA: Hey, what do you say you and I go camping every now and then?  
JADE: :O!!!!!!  
VRISKA: You know, just a fun little weekend thing to get you out of the house?  
VRISKA: I just sorta figured hey, the two of us have looked after one another a lot these past couple years! So why shouldn’t we, like, get out together more?  
JADE: omg vriska id love that so much!!!!!  
VRISKA: Awesome. I guess once college and shit starts up I can see when I’ll have the time.  
VRISKA: Hold on, I just remem8ered something I’ve gotta go check.

You stand up and turn to leave, but you turn back to mom for a moment.

VRISKA: Oh! I’ve 8een meaning to ask you!  
VRISKA: Have you seen a mysterious guy with a trench coat and hat hanging around?  
JADE: well if he hasnt been within six feet of me with my glasses on stood upwind from me or worn really really really bright colors-  
VRISKA: Yeah, I kinda realized how stupid a question that was as soon as I said it.  
VRISKA: Anyway, I’ll 8e 8ack in just a second.

You run off to your room and grab your phone. One missed call from Jake English. You call him back.

VRISKA: Yo. Talk to me.  
JAKE: What ho my dear girl!  
JAKE: Sleep well?  
VRISKA: Not really.  
JAKE: Oh thats a darned shame i must say.  
JAKE: Still though shuteye or no i do hope you are ready to hear me out on this proposition!  
JAKE: Let me tell you vriska its a mighty big un. You might want to be sitting down for this!

You take a seat at the end of your bed.

VRISKA: ...Alright?  
VRISKA: Lay it on me.  
JAKE: Tell me old girl. How much would you like the top spot as chief engineer at skaianet inc?  
VRISKA: Wow, w8-  
JAKE: Now i know what youre thinking!  
VRISKA: I dou8t it.  
JAKE: Now uncle jakey you daft old coot that sure is a pretty hefty responsibility for someone breaking into the field!  
VRISKA: Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of, “Are you fucking insane????????” 8ut otherwise, yeah. That’s a8out right.  
JAKE: Ah but you see ive already thought this through quite thoroughly!  
JAKE: While yes you would need some rather full on training to get your chops i think since im most likely going to be running the ole company till the end of bloody time i say the ship needs a first mate who can handle her just as long wouldnt you agree?  
VRISKA: I guess?  
VRISKA: 8ut isn’t it kind of unfair, giving me a leg up like this when a whole 8unch of people have worked way harder than me?  
JAKE: Well skaianet is nothing if not a family run biz through and through!  
JAKE: And you are family hence why i think you should help run it!  
JAKE: Quod erat demonstrandum and all that.  
VRISKA: That’s not what quod erat demonstrandum means, dipshit.  
JAKE: Is it not?  
VRISKA: Not even close.  
JAKE: Bugger!  
VRISKA: 8ut I’m getting sidetracked! A family shouldn’t 8e running a 8usiness as powerful as Skaianet, don’t you think?  
JAKE: My word vriska i must say you stick to your principles through thick and thin eh?  
VRISKA: This isn’t really that thick.  
JAKE: But you know what? I say wed do well to have principle like that up top! Especially one more in touch with the field of engineering itself than i quite frankly could ever dream of being.  
JAKE: If you object to the way i run the place i want you at the head of your field by my side and giving me a right proper kick up the arse about it!  
JAKE: Let me tell you its been one thing to have the ole amigo imaginaire give me a slap on the wrist now and again when the standards of yours truly havent been up to scratch-

Scratch. The word sticks in your head, for some reason? Weird.

JAKE: But quite another to have my own flesh and blood to look skaianet up and down and tell me now now jakester that just isnt cricket!  
JAKE: Well youre neither my flesh nor my blood i suppose.  
JAKE: But at least you do have those things which gives you quite the leg up on good ole bee gee dee!  
VRISKA: Sorry, I lost track. What the fuck are you talking about?  
JAKE: Oh err.  
JAKE: Nothing really. Just an excited little ramble if im honest.  
JAKE: All that aside though i never took you as the type to just handwave away all that family tie malarkey! Youd always seemed pretty pleased to be a serket way back when.  
JAKE: In fact i was under the impression that birthright and all that was nothing to sneeze at in altern-  
VRISKA: Hey! Hey, let’s, uh.

You falter for a second. Jake goes dead quiet too.

_ARADIA: i supp0se she must be pretty 0pp0sed t0 the idea 0f y0u mingling with 0ther castes_

_ERIDAN: its hardly wworth flatterin yourself thinking id EVVER try to get a thing goin with a fuckin landrat let alone one of a hue thats barely evven nobility_

_ SPIDERMOM: Oh, please. Isn’t it dreadfully apparent that all the other trolls you associate with weren’t raised as scrupulously as they ought to have been? _

_It’s no matter. I’m just pleased my investment in you paid off._

Jake coughs politely, gently checking to see if you’re still there.

VRISKA: Let’s talk a8out something else.

⁂

You and the five people sitting at the table in front of you stare at each other in perfect silence. None of you move. You don’t sit down, and they don’t stand up. With a nonchalant flick of the wrist, you brush back your tan brown jacket, as if further emphasising the black t-shirt with the white Skaianet logo is going to lighten the air. Fuckin’ check it out! The six of you have matching uniforms! That’s cool, right?

????: So this is the new chief engineer huh.

A tall, thin, bespectacled man with the first traces of a neckbeard mumbles.

??????: 01. What’s your background, kid?  
??????: 02. Seriously, you look like a fucking undergrad.

A stocky indigo woman with a ballpoint pen tucked between her ear and an arrow-shaped horn huffs snidely. The bunch of them giggle heartily at her comment.

VRISKA: Actually, I haven’t... even... started.  
VRISKA: College, I mean.  
????: What the fuck!!!  
??: You’re a CHILD?  
??????: is this some kind of ****ed up joke  
????: Wait, WHAT?!  
??????: 01. Oh my gods, what?  
VRISKA: Yeah, yeah, I know! It’s fucking insane! Jake’s gotta 8e out of his mind!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: You know what’s even worse is I didn’t even ask for this jo8, Jake just gave it to me!  
??????: well shit  
??????: oop i mean ****  
????: Wow, I don’t know why I thought you’d be in on this or something.  
????: Yeah like...  
????: I don’t get it but it kinda puts me at ease to know that you don’t seem to either?

You shrug.

VRISKA: Honestly, I think he just wants someone to antagonize him all the time so that he never has to think critically a8out anything he does.  
??: Oh yeah, that does sound like him.  
VRISKA: I mean, m8ke no mist8ke! I’m really excited to, like, learn from you guys and stuff. 8ut 8eing put in charge of you all just seems ridiculous.  
VRISKA: Actually, you know what? I think I’m gonna chew him out a8out it right now.

The other five all cheer you on as you straighten your jacket for a dramatic exit. You march down the corridor, barely budging as far more experienced staff arrogantly refuse to step out of your way and invariably bump into you.

You reach Jake’s door and rap on it with the back of your fist.

VRISKA: Hey dipshit. I’d like to lodge a complaint.

Everyone else in the hall glances over at you as if you’ve lost your mind. They hastily all make themselves scarce before Jake opens the door.

JAKE: Ah good morning vriska! Is everything alright?  
VRISKA: It’s 2:15 in the afternoon.  
JAKE: (Is it?)  
JAKE: (Well ill be a monkeys uncle! Where has the time gone!)  
VRISKA: Who are you talking to?  
JAKE: Oh nobody important.  
JAKE: (Oh come come now dirk you know i didnt mean it!)  
JAKE: (I just dont want her to think im completely round the twist is all!)  
VRISKA: Can I, like, come in? I wanna yell at you for a second.  
VRISKA: You know, for 8eing an idiot and stuff.  
JAKE: Righto! Yes yes come right in!

Jake ushers you into his office. The decor is uncharacteristically businesslike for him, save for a few underling skulls mounted on his wall. You note that nobody else is in here. He stands in front of his desk, doing a terrible job of hiding four empty bottles of scotch. You close the door behind yourself.

JAKE: Well alright i suppose we best get down to it.  
JAKE: Hows your day been going if i might ask? Settling in alright?  
VRISKA: Cut the crap, Jake. Let’s face it.  
VRISKA: You either don’t know how to run a fucking company, or you’re hiding some kind of dark little secret.  
JAKE: Some kind of what now?  
JAKE: Oh do you mean tax avoidance or smuggling or anything of that ilk!  
VRISKA: No, I was thinking more like-  
JAKE: Oh!  
JAKE: No absolutely not!  
JAKE: Come on now dirk thats not really what she thinks is it? Shes less than half my blasted age for gods sake!  
JAKE: A history?

His jaw drops in abject horror.

JAKE: My my vriska you have my deepest condolences! I had no idea youd gone through such-  
JAKE: Dirk please! Cant a man try to comfort his niece without being interrupted?  
JAKE: Alright point taken.  
VRISKA: Hey. Hey, Jake. Could you not have whatever this one-sided 8ack and forth routine with a guy who’s 8een dead for like twenty years is while I’m trying to talk to you?  
JAKE: Yes of course.  
JAKE: Boy it sure would be UTTERLY FUCKING DELIGHTFUL if everyone in the room who ISNT REAL would stop talking while im trying to have a REMARKABLY BLOODY IMPORTANT conversation with my good friend close relative and valued coworker!  
VRISKA: (Hey, two out of three 8n’t 8ad.)  
VRISKA: Anyway, I don’t need your pity.  
VRISKA: Not that your reassurance is meaningless to me - although it is, don’t get me wrong - it’s just...  
VRISKA: I’ve 8een through worse, you know?

You draw a line across your throat with your thumb. He gets the picture.

JAKE: Youre really not putting me at any ease about your grim circumstances in saying that!  
VRISKA: Jake.  
VRISKA: Jaaaaaaaake.  
VRISKA: Do you think I came here for grief counseling?  
VRISKA: No, I came here to chew you out for 8eing laugha8ly incompetent!  
JAKE: Naturally.  
JAKE: In fact i think youd best get a wriggle on with that. No good in sidetracking ourselves any further eh?  
VRISKA: You seem pretty fucking gung-ho a8out all this.  
JAKE: Well its true isnt it? I am laughably incompetent as you so excellently put it!  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: Right.  
VRISKA: Of course.  
VRISKA: This is so easy for you, isn’t it?  
VRISKA: Getting me to tell you what you’re doing wrong, getting me to improve yourself for you, so that you can a8solve yourself of any responsi8ility the moment shit goes awry.  
VRISKA: Not that you’re really gonna a8sor8 any of it.  
JAKE: Beg yours?  
VRISKA: Alright, asshole. Don’t get coy with me. I can see the empty 8ottles on your desk.  
JAKE: Ah.  
VRISKA: You’re a fucking mess, Jake English. Like, I legitim8ly don’t even know where to start with you.  
VRISKA: Let’s face it. The way things are headed, I’m gonna have to 8ear the 8urdens of working as head engineer and running this entire worthless company, and I’m only gonna 8e getting paid for one of those things.  
JAKE: ...  
VRISKA: I came here to 8uild stuff that’s gonna change the future. And that’s all I’m gonna do.  
VRISKA: Try to passive-aggressively strongarm me into doing your jo8 for you again, and you can expect my resign8tion on your desk 8efore the day’s over.  
JAKE: Right.  
JAKE: Thats fair enough i must say.

You turn around, slam the door open...

JAKE: Err vriska?  
VRISKA: What.  
JAKE: That  
JAKE: *ahem*.  
JAKE: History of yours.  
JAKE: Does your mother know about any of that?

...And you leave without another word.

⁂

A few days later - weeks, perhaps, if you had a better sense of the passage of time - you step off a bus and feel the warm summer evening breeze wash over you.

College is pretty great and all, but it’s so far away. And that means you have five days a week away from home. Sure, it’s pretty sweet to have some time to yourself now and then you GUESS, and yeah, you do call mom for upwards of an hour every day, but...

There’s just something so special, so weirdly *enchanting* about being back home.

You knock on the front door. Mom answers it, absolutely beaming, and the two of you embrace as tightly as you can.

JADE: welcome home

She gives you a gentle peck on the forehead, and you tear up a little.

VRISKA: I’m glad to 8e 8ack.

The two of you let go of each other, and you carry your bag up to your room and toss it onto your bed. You come downstairs and head to the kitchen. You’re pretty tired, but you insisted that tonight, dinner would be yours to cook. Mom follows you into the kitchen and leans on the wall facing the window, her hands in her pockets. You produce a pot, and place it on the stove. Within the minute, dinner preparations are well underway.

JADE: so  
JADE: hows your week gone  
VRISKA: Oh, you know. Whole lotta stuff going on.  
VRISKA: Started going 8ack to therapy. It’s alright, I guess.  
JADE: you guess?

You open the fridge and scan through it hurriedly, once, twice...

VRISKA: Really, it’s raising more questions than it answers.  
VRISKA: Did you know “repressed memories” aren’t a real thing?  
JADE: :O!!!  
VRISKA: She tried to convince me that it all might just 8e a product of what she called, and I quote, “an undenia8ly pretty active imagin8tion”.  
VRISKA: 8ut I told her that I know what I saw! I was there, for fuck’s sake!  
VRISKA: It took her a little while to come around on it, 8ut our current working theory is that somehow I used my psychic powers to feed8ack loop it out of my mind.  
VRISKA: We couldn’t really prove it, 8ecause if that’s the case, I also wiped the memory of how I did that.

You pull a few half-eaten cans of tinned vegetables out of the fridge and set them on the bench.

JADE: wow thats so weird!!!!  
VRISKA: Ugh! Tell me a8out it. I still can’t even 8egin to imagine how that works.  
VRISKA: On the other hand, college is pretty gr8.  
VRISKA: My room gets a pretty good view of the south side of campus, all my professors seem to dig my enthusiasm - I’m not even trying honestly! I’m kinda just, heheh, showing off 8y answering every question, I guess.

“Heheh”? Wow, you laugh like mom now. That’s so cute!

VRISKA: Also, uh...  
VRISKA: There’s this girl.

You go blue in the face just saying that. Mom beams from ear to ear and her eyes seem to shine.

JADE: omg  
JADE: omg omg omg!!!!!!!  
JADE: tell me everything  
VRISKA: Well, I mean there are a whole 8unch of girls!  
VRISKA: I dunno, call me a 8it of a flirt or whatever.  
JADE: i guess the apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh  
JADE: i used to be like that all the time when i was your age!!!!  
VRISKA: Shit, for real?  
JADE: forget about it i wanna hear more of this story!!!!!  
VRISKA: Oh, right! Yeah!  
VRISKA: Anyway, yeah. There’s this one girl in particular. Math major.  
JADE: oh math majors are always pretty hot  
VRISKA: Indisputa8ly correct.  
VRISKA: 8ut this girl in particular, good lord. She’s fucking ADORA8LE!  
VRISKA: Like, damn. She’s got eyes you get lost in, you know? And the way her soft little lips hang slightly apart, revealing row after row of flesh-shredding fangs, and her gills are like,  
VRISKA: Shit, I’m veering off topic.  
VRISKA: We met at the queer collective on orient8tion day. She’s a total charmer, and we hit it off like instantly. You think I’m exagger8ting, 8ut no - It was like,

You snap your fingers.

VRISKA: Yeah, it’s gr8. I 8ought her lunch and stuff.  
VRISKA: And I think she kinda likes me?  
VRISKA: She gave me this.

You flick your wrist towards mom, showing off your blue-pink-white-pink-blue sweatband.

VRISKA: I mean, I pro8a8ly won’t wear it that much or anything. Pastels aren’t really my style.  
VRISKA: 8ut........  
VRISKA: You think this could 8e, like, a thing?  
VRISKA: You know, 8etween me and her?  
JADE: i dont know it could be!  
VRISKA: Guess we’ll have to see, huh.  
VRISKA: Oh, work’s going pretty good too!  
VRISKA: I think Jake’s kinda pissed at me, in his wet noodle kinda way.  
VRISKA: Fuck all he can do a8out it, though. I’ve filled my niche, and he’s gonna have to spend months prying me out if he doesn’t want the company to crum8le without me.  
JADE: oh no dont tell me you two are at each others throats :(  
VRISKA: I mean, we’re not hostile towards each other or anything. I just don’t think he likes that I do my jo8 my way.  
VRISKA: Still, though. He 8uys me lunch whenever I want, and 8asically lets me hang out in his office whenever he’s not using it. So I guess it’s not all 8ad.  
VRISKA: The other engineers are pretty cool though. I should join their union.  
JADE: yeah totally!  
JADE: i mean since you are looking after the both of us you really should be in a position to stand up for yourself if anything bad happens at work!  
JADE: well it probably wont hehe jake sounds like hes taking good care of you  
JADE: but just in case!  
VRISKA: Yeah, o8viously.  
VRISKA: In fact 8etween you and me? I don’t think Skaianet’s doing too hot. May8e I’m just 8eing paranoid, 8ut, like... outside of getting contracted 8y the government, I’ve got kind of a feeling that we’re just running on fumes and Jane’s alimony.  
VRISKA: No real evidence to 8ack this feeling up, though. It’s just a hunch.  
JADE: well i guess it pays to be careful as long as youre not worrying over maybes and could bes  
VRISKA: Yeah, I guess you’re right.  
VRISKA: I just can’t shake the feeling that the looming threat of a Crockercorp 8uyout - or whoever, I guess - is our sword of Damocles, I fucking swear.  
VRISKA: Whatever, I don’t even really care a8out work right now. I’m home, and that’s that.  
VRISKA: And I’m glad to 8e 8ac-  
JADE: vriska the stove!!!!!  
VRISKA: Oh shit!!!!!!!!

⁂

HARRY: you’ve reached the voicemail... bank... thing... of harry egbert. for some reason or other i’m probably doing something too important to answer the phone right now, so leave a message and i’ll get back to you at some point, i don’t know. if this is dad, please think about whether or not what you’re telling me is actually important. this thing can only hold so many messages. if this is mom, pl- *BEEP!*  
VRISKA: Hey! Harry! How’s it going? It’s 8een a while, huh? Look, I was just wondering if you wanted to catch up at some point, you know? Like I said, it’s 8een a while, and I honestly kinda-  
HARRY: *BEEP!*  
VRISKA: Miss the...  
VRISKA: Old........  
VRISKA: Crew.

You put your phone back in your pocket. The guy’s so hard to get ahold of nowadays.

PHYSIA: v How’d it go? V  
VRISKA: Went str8 to voicemail.  
PHYSIA: V Dammit. v

The two of you loiter in the corridor of your college’s engineering block, much to the chagrin of anyone who wants to pass you by. Fuck them all, though. You don’t care. You’ve got more pressing matters on your mind. Very pressing, in fact, like steamroller tier pressing. The only thing you think about when you’re around her.

VRISKA: Hey, uh.  
VRISKA: Are we...  
VRISKA: A thing?  
PHYSIA: v That... V  
PHYSIA: V Is a really good question. v  
PHYSIA: V Let’s go talk about it over lunch or something. v  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
PHYSIA: v Are you hungry now, or do you wanna wait until later? V  
VRISKA: I mean, now’s good.

She leads you across campus to a small bistro, across from the library.

PHYSIA: V Real shit, this place rocks. v  
PHYSIA: V The fish teriyaki they do is fucking insane. v  
VRISKA: Shit, if you say so.  
VRISKA: Should we get some to share?

She giggles. You feel your wings beating softly against your back, hidden though they are. Seemingly mulling the question over in her head, she thumbs the ten point spirograph pendant around her neck. Funny, you never really took her for the religious type.

PHYSIA: VV I don’t see why not! VV  
VRISKA: Nice! You go and order, I’ll find us a ta8le.

And so you both do just that. You take a seat by the window, looking up at the library. Absentmindedly, your fingertips drum a little something on the tabletop.

Damn, you didn’t give mom a call this morning. May as well do that now.

VRISKA: Hey, mom. It’s me.  
!?!?: Hey, um.  
!?!?: Oh shit!  
!?!?: hey vriska!!!! hows your day going!  
VRISKA: W8, what????????  
VRISKA: Why are you at my house?! Why are you doing like, the world’s worst impression of my mom????????  
!?!?: Well damn, I thought it was pretty good.  
VRISKA: You promised you’d leave her out of this!  
VRISKA: Look, I don’t know what your game is, and I don’t know whose side you’re on, 8ut if I find out you’ve so much as laid a finger on her, I am going to SLIT. YOUR. FUCKING. THROAT.

Other people at the tables around you shoot you weird looks. The weird old spook on the other end of the line sounds appropriately distressed.

!?!?: Oh, yikes. Uh.....  
!?!?: If she stubs her toe on my briefcase, does that count?  
VRISKA: What?  
!?!?: I mean I just wanna cover all bases here. Not really looking forward to my ass’s majestic chrysalis from an unkicked state to a-

Physia returns with a wonderful-smelling tray and gestures for you to put your phone away.

VRISKA: Hold on, I’m just talking to someone.  
PHYSIA: v I know, but can it wait? V  
PHYSIA: V I wanna talk to you. That’s the whole reason we came here in the first place. v

Without thinking, you hang up. Fuck!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Alright, sure. Let’s talk a8out this.  
VRISKA: I’m gonna lay my cards on the ta8le here. I don’t, like, “feel” for you or whatever. I don’t pine after your affection, I’m not head over heels in love with you - red *or* 8lackrom love, really - 8ut... this is fun, right? Like, spending time with each other and stuff. And playing these sorts of “just kidding, unless” charades of romantic pretense.  
PHYSIA: V Huh. v  
PHYSIA: V Yeah, I guess I get what you mean. v  
PHYSIA: v But if you’re happy with whatever we’ve got going on as is, why do you wanna figure out if we’re a thing or not? V  
VRISKA: I don’t know. I guess I just feel like we’re going in circles otherwise.  
PHYSIA: V Yeah, alright. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t relate. v  
PHYSIA: V In fact, if you didn’t ask about it, I probably would have. v  
PHYSIA: V If I coulda worked up the nerve, that is! v  
VRISKA: God, yeah. You have no idea how long I’ve 8een w8ing to ask that.  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: So what are your thoughts on it all?  
PHYSIA: V I don’t know. v  
PHYSIA: V I’m not sure if I was really expecting anything else, I mean if I’m being realistic that really is what’s going on between us. You know, all that stuff about this being fun, and I guess not really that much more. v  
VRISKA: Oh.  
VRISKA: Did you *want* something more?  
PHYSIA: V I don’t know what I want! v  
PHYSIA: v It’s... V  
PHYSIA: V Tricky. To say the least. v  
VRISKA: Yeah, it really is.

The two of you share your lunch in relative silence, both blushing and giggling every time your chopsticks touch. When you’re done, you gesture and stutter out a mumble that conveys, approximately, that you need to call your mom for a second. She nods, and you take that as sufficient invitation for you to do just that. You stand up and walk just out of earshot. Or finshot, you guess.

Take two.

VRISKA: Alright, 8itch8oy. Listen closely.  
JADE: oh hi vriska!!!!  
VRISKA: Hold on, you...?  
VRISKA: Uhhhhhhhh, hi mom!  
VRISKA: Who was the guy I was talking to just a second ago?  
JADE: i dont know theres nobody else here  
JADE: did you try calling?  
VRISKA: Yeah, and... It’s like...  
JADE: maybe you called a wrong number or something  
VRISKA: May8e...  
VRISKA: You’re sure there isn’t anyone else there?  
JADE: vriska please!  
JADE: just because i cant see whoever it is doesnt mean i couldnt smell another person in my house in a heartbeat!  
VRISKA: Right.  
VRISKA: Of course.  
VRISKA: My 8ad. I don’t know what I’m talking a8out, may8e I’m losing my mind or something.  
JADE: :( im sure you arent  
JADE: all that aside though hows your day going?

⁂

You lay on your back by the ashes of the campfire and watch gray clouds pass by through the winter-thinned branches of the nearby trees. You really don’t regret this suggestion to go camping one bit, really! It’s nice to just have some meditative, quiet time alone with mom sometimes, even if it’s just for a weekend or two throughout the year.

You reach for your glasses by your side, only to discover they aren’t there. That’s odd, where are they then? You sit up, only to discover they’re to the other side of you. You... definitely didn’t put them there. You think. It’s weird nonetheless.

Pushing that from your mind, you stand up, dust yourself down after having laid in dirt and dead leaves and wood chips for a good fifteen, twenty minutes, and walk over to mom. She’s holding a small fishing rod and sitting on her knees.

JADE: i love being out here again  
JADE: i used to come out here when i was around your age all the time and go fishing and swimming and stuff  
JADE: but nothing seems to be biting today :(  
VRISKA: That’s 8ecause you cast your line into a pond. The lake’s over there, mom.  
JADE: oh!!!!!!!  
JADE: i knew that!!!!!

She hurriedly reels in and casts out into the actual lake. You take a seat next to her.

VRISKA: I guess coming out here must have 8een really difficult after you went 8lind, huh.  
JADE: yeah :(  
JADE: but im here now and with my own daughter! so really i think i did get a happy ending after all :D  
VRISKA: Yeah, I guess so.

After two years, Jade knows you well enough to tell your emotions from your tone of voice. Even those you try with all your might to hide from her. And sometimes even those you manage to hide from yourself. You can tell she knows shit's awry by the way her ears perk up all of a sudden, and you instantly regret saying anything.

JADE: is something wrong?  
VRISKA: Hell, I don’t fucking know. Isn’t it always?

She sighs. Alright, Vriska. Let’s stop being a bitch for two seconds.

VRISKA: I’ve 8een thinking a8out stuff, you know. A8out how you want me to put the past - Alternia, my home - 8ehind me, and I get why you want me to.  
VRISKA: 8ut I don’t think I can accept it. I’m, like, one of the last four Alternians left, and I think I need to em8race that. I need to carry my little corner of it with me.  
JADE: vriska......  
VRISKA: Oh, don’t give me that. I get that you don’t want to hear this, 8ut it’s the truth. Alternia... wasn’t always a paradise, I’ll admit, 8ut it wasn’t just all the war and dict8torship and 8loodshed you seem to think it was!  
VRISKA: It was a whole world, the size of this one - the size of Earth! Full of just as many different cultures, and su8cultures, and people, and...  
VRISKA: Hmph. It’s not something you’d ever understand.

Mom frowns, but she can’t seem to find the words to make a retort.

VRISKA: I’m an Alternian, and that’s that really.  
VRISKA: I mean, yeah. It nearly killed me a hundred times over. So what?  
VRISKA: If anything, I think I should 8e proud of myself for surviving all that, and for not reinst8ing it here.  
VRISKA: To me, Alternia’s a 8eautiful flower that I went to the trou8le of trimming all the thorns off. If you want me to throw that all aside, then what was the point of cutting my hands in the process?

She sulks in resignation.

VRISKA: You know I’m right. Your lack of answer speaks volumes.  
JADE: fine fine fine! be whatever makes you happy  
VRISKA: Look, I’m sorry I-  
JADE: no its fine!!! honestly its no big deal or anything!!!!  
VRISKA: Mom! Would it kill you to not 8e totally passive aggressive a8out this????????  
VRISKA: This means a lot to me, actually, and I’d loooooooove it if you could put aside whatever self-assured complex you have for half a second and appreci8 that!  
VRISKA: You’re still my mom. And I’m still your daughter. That’s never going to change, just...

You sigh. She sighs too. You put your hand on her shoulder.

VRISKA: I think I just want memories of my old life, unmarred 8y associ8tion with my lusus.  
VRISKA: I mean you’d hardly 8elieve it from the kinda stuff I talk a8out, 8ut I did have a pretty decent life outside of... Her.  
VRISKA: I’ve actually 8een working re8uilding on a pretty cool thing I used to have 8ack on Alternia, so that’s cool.  
JADE: :O!!!! what is it!!!  
VRISKA: I’ll have to show you when it’s done. I guess it’s a surprise until then! :::;P

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a smile creep across mom’s lips. She mutters something about you being full of surprises. You snicker and give her a soft nudge. Before you can so much as pull your elbow back, though, her hand leaves the fishing rod without even the slightest shift in grip, darts around your back, and drags you into a hug against her collarbone. It’s too tight to move, really, but you don’t think you want to. You think you could stay in this moment forever.

⁂

Today’s a special day for Skaianet, or so you’ve been told. You haven’t been told what exactly it is that makes it special, but you know what? Life is good lately, so you’re going to use the power of imagination to pretend that Jake might know what it is he’s doing for once. You definitely hope so. After all, he’s called you and a couple of your colleagues out to an aircraft hangar in the middle of nowhere. If this ends up sucking you’re introducing his teeth to the tarmac.

In all seriousness, though, today *is* a special day for you. You can’t believe it’s been as long as it has. You certainly can’t believe that literally half the time you’ve known your human friends has been after your violent drop into their adult lives.

END OF YEAR THREE.

VRISKA: So, what’s the situ8tion? Tell me everything.  
JONAH OR JONAS OR SOMETHING: Shit, this is your first year here. I forgot about that.  
AMOLIN: 01. Alright, so.  
AMOLIN: 02. At the end of every year, Jake has to blow whatever’s left of our annual budget as quickly as possible so the government sees us and is all like,  
AMOLIN: 03. “Shit, I guess Skaianet actually needed all that cash. Better fatten the bill for the hell of it, see if that can take them any further.”  
AMOLIN: 04. And lo and behold, it does.  
JOHAN: Every year, we all kinda hope we get to be among the lucky few to test our most off-the-wall plans and suggestions on a bill with more digits than we’ll earn in our whole fucking life.  
JOSEF: Congrats, kid. Looks like you made the cut.  
VRISKA: Oh, wow.  
VRISKA: Good jo8 me, I guess.  
VRISKA: Actually, I guess that explains why Jake wanted the technical drawings for “the most expensive thing I could possibly imagine”.  
JASON: Yeah, that’ll be it.  
JAXON: Speak of the devil, I guess.

Jake himself walks in through the hangar’s back door, with an aviation cap and goggles on his head. He flicks the lights on on his way in. Industrial flood lamps illuminate the room in their canary yellow glow.

JAKE: Morning gang! My how wonderful it is to see you all bright eyed and bushy tailed on a fine morn like this eh?  
JAKE: I must say you three really outdid yourselves this year! Not only have you designed some of the speckiest gizmos and contraptions weve ever put together but we came in not a cent under budget!  
JAKE: In fact we went a fair bit over. Yikes.  
JAKE: But no matter! I wanted the best of the best and wowza chaps you really delivered.  
AMOLIN: 01. Wait a second.  
AMOLIN: 02. There’s only two tarps here.

She’s right. You couldn’t see all that well before, but there are, in fact, only two machines - each the size of a bus - covered by tarp. You allow yourself a smug little grin. They expected something big from you, huh? Ha, what a shock they’re in for.

JAKE: Thats true yes but you see mademoiselle harleys ingenuity found a far more erm...  
JAKE: Compact form than the likes of which we typically blow our excess dosh on.

He hands you a box not a lot bigger than the size of your hand and winks at you.

JAKE: May i say this odd little gadget really threw me for a loop!  
JAKE: But you know our girl vriska. Shes full of surprises eh?

You take the box in both hands. Your mouth hangs open a little, even though your awareness of this is vague at best. Everything seems to be in slow motion as you press your thumb against the edge of the lid.

VRISKA: So do I just, like... open it?  
JAMES: Yeah, first timers go first.

You take a deep breath, try to steel yourself, try to calm yourself. Your heart is racing more than you think it has any right to. You gulp.

_ CARIUS: What’s your deal, anyway? Why are you so o8sessed with hulking over the same old desk every night of your life and tinkering away at a 8unch of machines that you’re only gonna rip to shreds? _  
_ EQUIUS: My reasons and methods are not for you to question _  
_ EQUIUS: But as I am feeling especially charitable tonight, I will e%plain anyway _  
_ EQUIUS: The act of creation is, in many ways, like a muscle _  
_ EQUIUS: And like a muscle, it must be kept active _  
_ EQUIUS: Honed _  
_ EQUIUS: Trained _  
_ EQUIUS: Perpetually, for as long as I may live _  
_ EQUIUS: This way I can keep it as fit and as STRONG as possible _  
_ EQUIUS: Because to create is to e%tend yourself _  
_ EQUIUS: To breach the limits between what is you and what is an object _  
_ EQUIUS: As mighty as I am in physique alone, I can go further _  
_ EQUIUS: I can become STRONGER _  
_ EQUIUS: But only if I can tear down these barriers and become more and greater than I already am _  
_ CARIUS: Wow... huh. You’ve really thought a8out this a lot, huh. _  
_ EQUIUS: I think about many things _  
_ EQUIUS: As time goes on, I will think about many more _  
_ EQUIUS: You would do well to do the same _  
_ EQUIUS: Beginning with the philosophy that has driven me to f001fill this task for you _

_He turns around in his chair and hands you a spectacle lens, completely gray and opaque save for seven red lights in its middle._

_ EQUIUS: After all this may well come to act as an e%tension of you too _

You crack open the box, revealing a pair of glasses identical to those upon your face.

But only in appearance.

Without wasting another second, you swap them and proudly don the VISION EIGHTFOLD V 2.0.

AMOLIN: 01. Shit, what’s this?  
AMOLIN: 02. It looks just like an ordinary pair of glasses.  
VRISKA: I know, right? The perfect disguise.  
VRISKA: They’re far, far more complic8ted than that, though.  
VRISKA: L8dies and gentlemen, the vision eightfold. An optometric augment8tion designed solely and specifically for my... you know.

You point to your seven left eyes.

VRISKA: They allow me to see *into* things, if that makes any sense.  
AMOLIN: 01. You mean like x-ray vision?  
VRISKA: No, it’s not like I’m seeing through something, it’s more like I’m reading into an o8ject. I don’t dou8t it’s a nearly impossi8le concept to grasp to anyone without the a8ility to utilize it, though.  
VRISKA: 8ut again, that’s why they’re cali8r8ed exclusively for use 8y yours truly.  
JAROD: So... we blew how much on these things?

Jake tells him.

JULES: Holy fuck. That’s for something only one person can use.  
JAKE: Indeed.  
AMOLIN: 01. Wow.  
JAKE: Youre right. All in all this was a preposterous idea. I dont know what i was thinking!  
JAKE: Silly ole jake eh?  
JAKE: Come to mention it vriska would you mind coming to my office? Its uhm.  
JAKE: I doubt itll be much of a big deal but this is something ive been waiting a while to talk about with  
JAKE: Well with anyone actually! And i think now is a perfect time as it happens.  
VRISKA: ...Sure?  
JAKE: We shant be a moment by the way! Carry on without us eh?

He fakes a grin and nods to your two colleagues, and ushers you out of the building. None of you feel the need to comment on the cold sweat beading upon his face.

⁂

VRISKA: Alright, what’s this a8-  
VRISKA: Hey, didn’t that imp skull used to 8e a 8asilisk?  
JAKE: No? Its definitely always been an imp skull!  
JAKE: But thats neither here or there actually. We have errr...  
JAKE: Far more pressing matters to discuss.  
VRISKA: Like........ what?  
JAKE: Bloody hell how do i even begin to put this.  
DIRK: Let me save you both the trouble.  
DIRK: She can see me just fine. That’s how the vision eightfold works.  
JAKE: Oh thank christ.

Before you stands the flickering image of the long-dead Dirk Strider, dressed in his black tank top and wearing an orange baseball cap with the image of a shirt on it.

DIRK: I really don’t know what you expected to happen here. I checked over the blueprints for you and everything.  
DIRK: In fact, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t trust me.  
JAKE: No no no dirk its not that at all its just...  
JAKE: Argh i dont know! Do you have to make this so flipping hard!  
VRISKA: I’m sorry, what is this? Am I watching the divorce proceedings of a washed up eccentric and his imaginary friend?  
DIRK: Relax. Jake knows I’m only messing with him.  
JAKE: ...  
DIRK: ...You do know that, don’t you?  
JAKE: Sure.  
DIRK: Oh my god.  
JAKE: Please dirk dont make a big fuss over this!  
VRISKA: No, no. Keep going. This is actually pretty entertaining.

Dirk raises an eyebrow. Absolutely no other change in expression crosses his face.

DIRK: No can do, I’m afraid.  
DIRK: I can only wreak so much psychological havoc, as a figment of Jake’s imagination.  
DIRK: That it took him thirty years of my presence to figure that out should tell you how inclined he is to giving me free reign over his thoughts, though.  
JAKE: It was closer to 25 thank you very much!  
DIRK: You’re right. What was I thinking?  
DIRK: Look at you, making an outstanding case for yourself in front of your niece like that. Really fucking great work.  
DIRK: Maybe you could make up a brain ghost tuxedo and top hat while you’re at it, and turn this into even more of a vaudevillian self-parody than your entire mien already is.  
DIRK: Ladies and gentlemen, we've got one hell of a show tonight.  
DIRK: Watch as the one and only Jake English makes his dignity disappear.

Jake shoots you a glance that silently begs for help. You shrug.

VRISKA: Come on, Dirk. You know you’re not gonna get a rise out of him like that.  
DIRK: You don’t think so?  
VRISKA: Think a8out it.

You lean back and kick your shoes up on the desk.

VRISKA: Why would he hire a total 8itch with upsettingly good... what’s the word? You said it to me once. Well, *alive* you did. Like, 8eing a8le to convince someone of stuff logically.  
DIRK: Logos?  
VRISKA: Yeah! Why would he hire a total 8itch with logos for sweeps and a tongue as sharp as her wit unless he’d 8uilt up a resistance to the first guy who filled that position?  
DIRK: ...You have a point.  
VRISKA: Trust me, I’ve got 8eing an asshole down to an exact science.  
JAKE: Blimey you two are really insufferable when youre in the same room you know that?!

You and Dirk share a shocked glance at Jake. You didn’t expect him to just snap like that, holy shit.

JAKE: Oh jeepers fucking creepers i didnt mean to shout i just...!  
VRISKA: Wow. Should I, like, go?  
JAKE: I think thatd be for the best.

He frowns like an upset puppy and swivels his chair away from you. You take that as a good enough cue to fuck off. Dirk shoots you a quick - albeit uncertain - thumbs up before flickering out of existence.

⁂

PHYSIA: v How’s your wrist? V  
VRISKA: It still 8urns like hell.

You suck in air through your teeth.

PHYSIA: V Honestly, I’m impressed. I never took you to be the type to get a tattoo before. v  
VRISKA: Me neither. I don’t know why I changed my mind for this.  
VRISKA: Thank fuck I got it on my non-dominant hand, right?  
PHYSIA: v You’re left handed? V  
VRISKA: You never noticed?  
PHYSIA: V Never. v  
VRISKA: Huh.

Ugh, this is so annoying. You shouldn’t have got a tattoo today because now you need to keep pressure applied to your wrist. Earlier this morning you just had the right side of your head shaved (hey, after you stopped hating the way your hair got cut all those years ago you kinda dug the look! You still wanna hide that scar, though) and now the cold wind is really having at it!

VRISKA: Hey, my head’s cold. Gimme your hat.  
PHYSIA: v What? V  
PHYSIA: V What hat? v  
VRISKA: The one you were wearing just a second ago. The one with the 8lack stripe around it.

She shoots you a very strange look. You feel super weird about it.

PHYSIA: V Vriska... v  
PHYSIA: V I have literally no idea what hat you’re talking about. v  
VRISKA: What?  
VRISKA: You wear that thing everywhere, don’t fuck with me here. I’m not in the mood.  
PHYSIA: V No, I’m serious! Can’t think of any hat by that description! v  
VRISKA: Seriously?  
PHYSIA: V Yeah! v  
PHYSIA: V Are you... are you feeling okay? v  
VRISKA: (I’m losing my FUCKING mind.)  
VRISKA: Look, let’s just go inside. It’s pro8a8ly a lot warmer innnnnnnn...

You look around the street for a place to get out of the wind.

VRISKA: Hey! The food court’s just down the road, huh?  
PHYSIA: V Yeah, I guess we should get lunch pretty soon. v  
VRISKA: Nice! Let’s do it!

The two of you walk that way rather idly. More idly than you’d like. She asks you about work. You tell her it’s going pretty well. You ask her about work, and she tells you she’s unemployed. You tell her oh, you don’t know why you never thought to ask her that before now. She says don’t worry, it’s pretty chill.

Eventually, you arrive at a plaza surrounded by food stalls around almost the entirety of its perimeter. You used to come here with Harry sometimes. Now, you haven’t seen him in more than a year.

VRISKA: Hold on, let me look for a...

Oh.

Oh?

Oh.

OH????????

Oh!

PHYSIA: v Hey, are you alright? V  
PHYSIA: V You just kind of trailed off there. v  
VRISKA: Ta8le?  
VRISKA: I mean, huh?  
VRISKA: Sorry, just looking for a ta8le.

There, at the opposite end of the court, is mom. She’s smiling and laughing, and talking to a figure whose face you can’t see, because he’s turned away from you.

What you can see, though, is his hat and trenchcoat.

PHYSIA: VV HEY VRISKA! VV  
PHYSIA: VV I FOUND ONE! VV

Oh- oh? Oh, right. Yeah. Nice. You walk over to Physia’s table and sit with her.

VRISKA: Don’t worry a8out that. I just saw my mom, is all. It’s kind of weird.  
PHYSIA: V Huh. Nice. v  
PHYSIA: v You said you were adopted, right? V  
VRISKA: Yeah, she’s a human.  
PHYSIA: V Wow! v  
PHYSIA: V Maybe I should have asked about your family earlier. v

That probably would have been a good idea. Physia is spending the weekend over at your place, after all.

VRISKA: Can you keep a secret?  
PHYSIA: V Uh. Sure. v  
VRISKA: Promise not to freak out.  
PHYSIA: V I promise! v  
VRISKA: She’s Jade Harley.

Physia’s jaw drops.

PHYSIA: V You’re joking. v  
VRISKA: Hey, you promised not to freak out!  
PHYSIA: VV I’m dating the daughter of a creator?! VV  
VRISKA: Shhhhhhhh! Don’t say that too loud, I’m trying to keep a low profile!  
PHYSIA: VV Alright, alright, alright! VV  
PHYSIA: V Just... wow. v  
VRISKA: Yeah, it’s whatever.  
PHYSIA: v So what’s it l-  
VRISKA: Heyyyyyyyy, let’s check on this tattoo!

You peel away the thin plastic sheet you’re using to cover it. Looks like it’s dried now.  
Two thin black bands wrap completely around your wrist. The one closer to the palm of your hand extends outward in a bump that resembles an open circle, or a giant letter C on its side.

PHYSIA: V Damn, it looks pretty good! v  
VRISKA: I know, right????????  
VRISKA: I was always really afraid of getting a tattoo, actually. I never really liked the idea of making permanent changes to my 8ody. My...  
VRISKA: Old mom was so certain I’d come to regret something like that.  
PHYSIA: V But... you’re trans. v  
VRISKA: Aaaaaaaand there’s the thing she was talking a8out.  
PHYSIA: V Oh. v  
PHYSIA: v What’s it supposed to be? V  
VRISKA: It’s the crest of an old girlfriend of mine.  
PHYSIA: V Ah. v  
PHYSIA: V That’s. Interesting. v  
VRISKA: What’s wrong with that?  
PHYSIA: v Isn’t that, like, scarily obsessive? V  
PHYSIA: v Getting a tat of someone you broke up with? V  
VRISKA: Oh, we didn’t 8r8k up!  
VRISKA: It’s more like...  
VRISKA: Let’s just say she’s no longer with us.  
PHYSIA: V Oh. v  
PHYSIA: V I’m so, so sorry to hear that. v

She lays her hand on yours. You pull away. Dave’s looking around the place, and by your estimate, you have four seconds until he spots you. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!  
Okay, you’ve gotta hide. And fucking quickly!

VRISKA: Shit, sorry. I need the 8athroom.  
PHYSIA: V No, that’s cool. You go do that. v

⁂

Okay, you’re safe in here. There’s no way you’re not. How ironic! You’ve never felt more secure in a women’s bathroom before!  
You’re getting a few odd looks for washing your hands so rigorously, but hey! You’ve just gotta kill a couple more minutes and then you’ll be good to go!

!?!?: Oh, hey. Vriska. Just the person I was looking for.  
!?!?: You got a moment?  
VRISKA: Wh-  
VRISKA: What are you doing here.  
!?!?: Talking to you?  
!?!?: Sorry, I thought that was pretty fucking clear.  
!?!?: Since you’re washing your hands, I’m gonna guess you have a moment.  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: Why did you make me remem8er?  
!?!?: Hey, you wanted to.  
VRISKA: Wrong answer.

You glare at him. He flinches almost imperceptibly behind his shades. You continue to stare him down as you turn the tap off.

!?!?: Okay, I’ll admit there’s a lot you haven’t been told.  
VRISKA: Excellent use of the passive voice. Don’t deflect.  
!?!?: Alright, alright. Guilty as charged.  
!?!?: Yeesh, do you have to be so passive-aggressive about it?  
!?!?: The truth is... reminding you about-  
VRISKA: Just leave it at “reminding me”. That’s good enough.  
!?!?: ...Sure.  
!?!?: Reminding you was a bad move that benefitted nobody. But it was essential.  
!?!?: Essentiality, as it turns out, is a way bigger priority than goodness for reasons I don’t really give a shit about.  
!?!?: I don’t know. Narrative metaphysics isn’t really my ballpark.  
VRISKA: So why is it you of all people who’s telling me all this?  
!?!?: I... don’t know? That’s a good question.  
!?!?: No offense, but it’s probably because everyone else in on this is too busy and I’m the only one with nothing better to do.  
VRISKA: HEY!!!!!!!!  
!?!?: I mean the secret agent aesthetic is tight as fuck, don’t get me wrong.

You rub your temples while he carries on talking about his awful job of spying on you.

VRISKA: Alright, let’s reel this convers8tion in while we still can.  
VRISKA: Get to the point. You wanted to tell me something.  
!?!?: Oh, yeah. This is a major deal.  
!?!?: Like probably the majorest deal we’ve ever had, let me put it that way.  
VRISKA: I said, get to the point.  
!?!?: Right.  
!?!?: Fuck.  
!?!?: Look, I don’t know if you’ve had random junk go missing, or crop up out of the blue, or change or move ever so slightly-  
VRISKA: Yeah. Yeah, I noticed that.  
!?!?: Yeah. Looks like it’s a whole heap of Time bullshit.  
!?!?: Like the aspect, I mean.  
!?!?: Like this is genuinely the most powerful use of the aspect anyone’s ever seen.  
!?!?: Shit like this just doesn’t even happen. This is like a full-scale anachronistic nightmare fuckscape scenario.  
!?!?: Yes, that’s the scientific term.  
VRISKA: ...Alright.  
VRISKA: Let me guess. You want me to go fight whoever, or whatever, is doing this.  
!?!?: Wow, great guess.

You allow yourself a prideful grin.

!?!?: But nah.  
!?!?: Not even close, actually.  
!?!?: Still, though. That guess was pretty cool.  
VRISKA: You know, 8eing a smug asshole isn’t a criterion for explaining this to me.  
VRISKA: If this is the most intense known use of the power of Time, I’m gonna guess Lord English is involved somehow.  
!?!?: All the signs point that way.  
!?!?: Best guess is this is some resigned last resort he let out in his dying moments.  
VRISKA: ...Right.  
VRISKA: Can you keep a secret?  
!?!?: That’s like, the only thing I actually do.  
VRISKA: Alright, alright. I forgot who it was I’m talking to.  
!?!?: Actually, you still don’t know. You might think you do, but nah.  
VRISKA: Okay, sure. You’ve got me there. 8ut!  
VRISKA: What I’m trying to tell you is that... I didn’t kill Lord English.  
VRISKA: I........ failed.  
VRISKA: We - the ghost army - lost the fight.  
!?!?: What?  
!?!?: No.  
!?!?: He’s actually dead. Like, for real. You killed him.  
VRISKA: I... did?  
!?!?: Yeah. A friend of mine confirmed as much a few years ago.  
!?!?: Well, not really a friend. More like an errand boy who I only contact through untraceable means.

You kind of look around the room and fidget nervously in excitement. Wow, you’re going to be riding out the high of this discovery for a long, long time.

!?!?: So, yeah. This whole thing going on right now is him unleashing all his power at the same time.  
!?!?: Apparently this universe is inside a bubble or something weird like that which means the brunt of the blow is gonna do jack shit, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention. Like you know when someone’s talking to you on the phone and you have it tucked into your neck but actually you’re focusing on something else? Yeah, it was one of those times.  
!?!?: I think it was my meds. I think I forgot where I’d put them the night before, like I-  
VRISKA: Stop veering off topic, oh my god!  
!?!?: Oh, uh,  
!?!?: Right. Yeah, so like Lord English’s power would have barely breached the bubble, but it looks like whatever 0.01% of his power that managed to get through is... scrunching timelines up together.  
!?!?: Instead of them all branching off as time goes on, they’re being pretty forcefully merged.  
!?!?: As of right now, we don’t really know how many timelines are being involved in this, or along what kind of lines they’re being stuffed into each other, but the results are...  
!?!?: Well you said you’ve seen them, right?  
VRISKA: They’re impossi8le to miss.  
!?!?: Well, they’re going to get worse.  
!?!?: Gradually, you’ll notice these... anachronisms, as we’re calling them, get more severe and more frequent.  
!?!?: But... that’s no reason to flip any shit. They’re all negligible in relevance and essentiality, whatever that means.  
VRISKA: Alright, I’ll keep an eye out for them.

You take a deep breath, one thought coursing through your mind. One awful, horrible, irresistible thought.

VRISKA: You know, one thing doesn’t add up.  
!?!?: What’s that?  
VRISKA: What’s causing these anachronisms?  
!?!?: Well, it’s like I said. Probably Lord English.  
VRISKA: No, I mean... of all times and places in the universe for this to happen, why here? Why now?  
!?!?: ...  
VRISKA: It seems pretty impro8a8le, doesn’t it?  
!?!?: Well, we don’t actually *know*,  
VRISKA: 8ULLSHIT!  
VRISKA: There’s something you’re keeping from me.  
VRISKA: And if you don’t tell me, I’m gonna drive that pretty little face of yours into the faucet here.  
!?!?: Wow, you think I’m pretty?

You grab him by a small patch of nascent facial hair jutting out of his chin.

!?!?: Alright, I’ll tell you what we know!  
!?!?: There’s... something coming. We don’t know what it is, or why it’s reversing a logical consequence of the progression of time, or when it’s gonna be here, but-  
VRISKA: (The red 8ox........)

You let him go. He straightens out the neck of his coat and coughs into his knuckles.

!?!?: Sorry, did you say something?  
VRISKA: I’ve 8een dreaming a8out a red 8ox. It’s-  
!?!?: Oh shit, right. Yeah, it’s the red box.  
!?!?: I mean, uh!  
!?!?: I mean, what red box?  
VRISKA: You... you knew????????  
VRISKA: You KNEW! You knew a8out those dreams and nightmares I’ve 8een having!  
VRISKA: Ohhhhhhhh my god. That’s why I had to remem8er, right???????? 8ecause it was going to kick start this WHOOOOOOOOLE chain of events!  
!?!?: Uh,  
VRISKA: Alright, you fucking listen to me. There’s some correl8tion going on between me remem8ering that particular dream and whatever’s coming, coming.  
VRISKA: Now either you stop 8eing a coy piece of shit, or I 8eat an explan8tion out of you.  
!?!?: Sure! Sure, I’ll explain.

He then mumbles an explanation slightly too quiet for you to hear, until you raise your fist.

!?!?: Okay, look. I don’t really want to tell you this, but!  
!?!?: That dream of yours? There was... something in it that needed to be remembered.  
VRISKA: Yeah, yeah. 8ut why?  
VRISKA: If you say it’s 8ecause it’s coming 8ack, I swear to god I’m gonna use your skull as a paperweight.

You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh. When you open your eyes again, he’s gone.

Well, uh... shit.

You leave the bathroom and take a few deep breaths. You’re not stressed, it’s more like... it’s more like you’re a little pissed off. And even then, it’s not like you’re a little pissed off. It’s more like you’re extremely pissed off.

VRISKA: Hey, Physia. Lemme go take you to meet my mom, huh?  
PHYSIA: VV Wait, for real? VV  
VRISKA: Sure. You’re gonna 8e spending a couple nights over at our house, right?  
VRISKA: You’d 8e hard pressed not to 8ump into her at some point or other.  
PHYSIA: v You still live with her? V  
VRISKA: Yeah, we look after each other. I don’t think either of us can really function that well on our own?  
VRISKA: Hey, mom! Hey mom, over here!  
JADE: :O  
JADE: vriska is that you?

She stands up from her chair and turns her head manically in degrees approximating your direction. You wave at her, but what difference does that make? You’re not sure.

JADE: oh there you are!! hi vriska!!!!  
VRISKA: Hey mom! What are the odds of seeing you here?  
JADE: haha its crazy right??  
JADE: i was just on a  
JADE: uh  
JADE: by myself  
VRISKA: Is that so.  
JADE: well its probably not healthy to spend all day every day at home thinking about all the cool stuff we could get up to when you get back  
JADE: sometimes i just need some time to myself! to get out and stuff!  
VRISKA: Alright, fair.  
VRISKA: Oh! 8y the way! I’d like you to meet, uh,  
PHYSIA: VV Physia Tryton! The pleasure’s mine! VV  
JADE: wow um  
JADE: hey im jade hehe

She shakes your mom’s hand furiously. You can tell this weekend is gonna kick ass.

...It is, right? Like, you and her are TOTALLY cool, and DEFINITELY a thing, and this is an arrangement that completely makes sense.

Yeah.

⁂

You find yourself stirring awake pretty late in the morning today, tired as fuck. Like, tired as FUUUUUUUUCK. What were you doing last night? Something, right?

Then you remember. A gasp escapes your lips, shaped vaguely in the form of a swear. You’d be damned if you know which one.

You bolt upright and pull back, the bed sheets covering your ALARMINGLY BARE figure, and you tense up into the corner of the bed a short way. What! You think to yourself. What! What! And another five times what!

Physia sits at the end of the bed, fully dressed and beaming from ear to ear. You shove her away defensively. Well, you guess the secret’s out now. Shit. You can’t believe last night really happened.

VRISKA: Don’t. Say. Anything.

You materialize your thief getup and click your neck from side to side. Physia seems confused by your demand, but accepts it without question. You climb out of bed and put your face in your hands. You sigh, and take one deep breath.

VRISKA: You weren’t meant to see me like this, ever.  
VRISKA: I don’t know what I was thinking, 8ut, like...  
VRISKA: I’ve 8een trying to hide my wings from you since the moment we met! 8ut I guess that cat’s out of the 8ag now!  
PHYSIA: V Are you... v  
PHYSIA: v Ashamed of your godhood? V  
VRISKA: I thought I told you to shut the fuck up!  
VRISKA: Aaaaaaaaugh. I don’t need this...  
PHYSIA: V Wow. v  
PHYSIA: V Personally, I think you should be proud to be a creator! I know I’m OVERJOYED-  
VRISKA: Ugh! You just don’t listen to a word I say, do you????????  
VRISKA: I h8 this.  
PHYSIA: V Uh... v  
VRISKA: I h8 *you*.  
PHYSIA: V Oh, come on. You don’t mean that! v  
VRISKA: You fucking wish I didn’t.  
VRISKA: I thought there might have 8een a connection here, I thought may8e, just may8e, we had some things in common and we could have got something going.  
VRISKA: Now what, you think I’m weird? You think I’m a totally alien spectacle for you to gawk at? I’m some 8ig magic force of n8ture you don’t have to see as on level with yourself anymore? Do you think I’m some kind of FREAK????????  
PHYSIA: V Wait, I-  
VRISKA: Go on, tell me I’m a freak. Say it.  
VRISKA: We 8oth know you wouldn’t 8e the first.  
PHYSIA: V Hey, let’s talk this over sensibly. v  
PHYSIA: V Well I mean, I’m probably a “lowly mortal” or something, haha, but-  
VRISKA: Get out of my goddamn house.  
PHYSIA: v Wh...  
PHYSIA: ...at? V  
VRISKA: What are you, deaf? I said, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

You walk around the room, collecting her stuff and handing it to her. She doesn’t seem to understand, but a long enough glare has her tearfully finish the task for you. You force her out of the room, and she protests profusely the entire time.

PHYSIA: V Come on, Vriska! You’re just being hysterical! v  
PHYSIA: V You don’t... You don’t REALLY wanna kick me out! v  
PHYSIA: v ...Right? V  
VRISKA: I said, OUT!!!!!!!!

You shove her out the front door.

PHYSIA: VV Vriska, wait! VV  
PHYSIA: V My parents... they don’t know about me. v  
PHYSIA: V If they saw me looking like this... dressed like a girl... v

You hesitate for a moment. Oh. Oh god, you...  
No. Without wasting another second, you slam the door shut and march back indoors.

JADE: wait what just happened???  
JADE: did that girlfriend of yours have to go already?  
VRISKA: She’s not my...  
VRISKA: Forget a8out it.  
VRISKA: She knew too much a8out my past. And I wasn’t just gonna let that change the way she saw me.  
JADE: so you kicked her out???  
VRISKA: Oh, come on. That’s none of your fucking 8usiness.  
JADE: wow whatever happened to being a proud alternian?  
VRISKA: Hey, I don’t need this from you! Don’t give me shit to deal with while I’m already digging through a shitshow fit for a king, alright?  
JADE: no im being serious! its a genuine question!  
VRISKA: Huh?  
VRISKA: Oh.  
VRISKA: I don’t know. Is it wrong of me to want to 8e someone and not get judged for it?  
VRISKA: I don’t know.  
VRISKA: Whatever.  
VRISKA: I’m going 8ack to 8ed.  
VRISKA: Don’t w8ke me up.  
JADE: wait but its your turn to cook breakfast!!!!!  
VRISKA: I’ll do dinner!

You walk back up to your room and slump face down on the bed. Wow, you’re having a really weird time right now! What was that? What was *she*? Your girlfriend, right?

No, that word doesn’t seem right. It’s like you once told her - what you had was fun, sure, but never anything with any particular sentiment attached. After all, what’s a mortal like her to a goddess like you?

That’s a thought you try to suppress, but it’s a feeling you can’t help but feel. There feels like such a steep difference in cosmic significance between the two of you that it’s not really a relationship between equals at all. Just a brief, flirtatious stint on your excursion down from Olympus’s peak. Nothing that means anything, no matter how much you wish that weren’t the case.

You’re not used to feeling this. Really, it’s weird. Interesting, to say the least, but mostly unnerving. Is this an instinctual sense in all gods? Who knows?

Hold on, so that's it? You're gonna leave her to either spend a night on the streets or forcefully out herself to her parents? Wow, Vriska. You really are a piece of shit.

VRISKA: I just sent you eight hundred dollars. That's kind of a 8ig deal, ok? I've got student loans to pay and stuff.  
VRISKA: I don’t care how you use it, just figure out a place to stay without your parents or something.  
VRISKA: A8ove all, just stay out of my life.  
VRISKA HARLEY has blocked PHYSIA TRYTON.

And so, life goes on.

The world begins to accelerate once more, and as before, you’re swept up in the niceties of it all.

Where your first attempt fell apart a few months in, you try getting with another girl. Then another. Then another. Soon you find yourself being totally up-front to any potential partner about your fundamental lack of mortality, and honest with yourself about the lack of actual romantic drive in your endeavours. That connection can’t be made. At least, not anymore, you think as you eye your single, minimal tattoo. Its outward curve more closely resembles the unfilled vertex of a jigsaw piece with every passing day.

You find no satisfaction in academia, either. Sure, you enjoy learning, but what good’s a formal education? Meeting people you’ll never feel a connection to? Applying to a job you already have, and perhaps don’t even need? Bragging rights? To brag to whom? Besides, anything you could ever possibly want to learn is already online. College is cool, you guess, although you think nothing of your eventual graduation. Even when you’re invited back for an honors degree, you decline.

Work isn’t particularly dull, and you’re less reluctant to make executive decisions as head engineer, but you don’t really care for your coworkers. You have vision and ambition quite unlike any of them, even where their expertise far outshines your own. Dirk tells you your employment was his idea, and now that you’re starting to see the other creators as your only equals (despite your best attempts to bury those feelings), it makes a lot more sense. Nearly every hour of the working day is spent by Jake’s side, driving Skaianet. He gets interviewed in some fancy newspaper or other, and sings your praises throughout. You pretend that pisses you off.

Now and then, you see Harry and the others. Never for long, though. Only while your parents visit each other, and even then, they move out one by one. Life seems to be going on for them in much the same fashion that it does for you, with all of you too busy to really make plans. Well, you’re not exactly busy. Just lacking drive. Unstuck... unstuck from life. In fact, the ENDS OF YEARS FOUR, FIVE, AND SIX come and go with no fanfare. Who fucking cares, really? Not you. This is just life, now. Its passage is hardly worth commemorating, given its potentially infinite future.

You begin to see why mom came to live by such a simple, quiet routine over time. In fact, you find yourself falling into it too. Before, you’d joined her in her lifestyle of taking care of the house, and the garden, and cooking, and watching daytime TV, and going camping, and all that stuff, but there used to be *more* to your life than just this. And... you don’t know. None of that other stuff really felt like it mattered to you, but life just feels like it’s moving way too quickly now. Like it’s heading toward something. Something you’re missing.

The anachronisms do worsen, just as your shadowy confidant had warned you they would. It starts with a few objects in the wrong place, or replaced by functionally identical (but otherwise very different) objects, and it gradually escalates. An acquaintance lives at a different address in the same neighbourhood. A lecturer’s name isn’t the same as it had been the day before. The ground is dry the morning after a rainstorm. Things like that. And then, one day, it stops. And from that point onward, you’re left with months and months of radio silence. Not a single temporal anomaly. And you begin to wonder why you ever worried. Sometimes, you wonder if they ever really happened at all.

Some time into your sixth year, you find yourself at the dining table. You’re wearing those tight-fitting black jeans you thought about buying in your first week here, and a black shirt with a cerulean Harley family crest you consulted a few historians on. You never thought there’d be a day where you’d be totally proud of how you look.

The sun is low in the sky, and you and mom have just finished a fantastic breakfast. A full English, as it happens, just like your first morning here. How ironic, you think to yourself.

You do not understand why it is ironic. But you know that it most certainly is.

Mom leans her elbows on the table, closes her eyes, and smiles. Nowadays, she has her eyes closed most of the time.

JADE: so  
JADE: tonight should be pretty exciting huh  
VRISKA: Why, what’s tonight?  
JADE: your high school reunion!!!!  
VRISKA: Oh shit, that’s TONIGHT?????????  
JADE: hahahaha omg vriska  
VRISKA: It honestly totally slipped my mind!  
VRISKA: Wow, yeah. It should 8e pretty good.  
VRISKA: ........  
JADE: hey  
JADE: can i show you something  
JADE: i was gonna save it for next time we went camping but really i cant wait anymore  
VRISKA: Oh?  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: Hey, that’s not fair! You can’t just say something like that and leave me hanging!!!!!!!!

Mom laughs. She has such an odd sense of humour, but you suppose frivolous, esoteric japery is in her blood.

JADE: ok close your eyes  
JADE: i wanna show you what the world looks like to me

You close your eyes.

VRISKA: Wow, fucking nothing. 8ig surprise!  
JADE: no no no!!!!!  
JADE: not nothing at all!  
JADE: sure youre not SEEING anything right now but seeing isnt everything!!!  
JADE: what do you hear?  
VRISKA: ...Also nothing.  
JADE: really?  
VRISKA: Yep.  
JADE: really really?  
VRISKA: Yeah, you stopped talking.  
JADE: listen more carefully  
JADE: listen to things that arent me  
VRISKA: Alright.  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Hm!  
VRISKA: I can hear the water dripping in the kitchen sink, for a start.  
JADE: can you?  
VRISKA: No shit. Now that you point it out, it’s super noticea8le.  
JADE: are you hearing water dripping in the kitchen sink?  
JADE: or are you just hearing dripping  
JADE: which just so HAPPENS to be coming from the water in the sink???  
VRISKA: I didn’t know there was a difference.  
JADE: theres a huuuuuge difference!!!!  
JADE: keep going though  
JADE: what else can you hear?  
VRISKA: I don’t know. Uhhhhhhhh... the frogs outside?  
JADE: again  
JADE: is that frogs youre hearing?  
JADE: or just the sound theyre making  
VRISKA: This is dum8. We 8oth know I’m hearing the goddamn frogs!  
JADE: hehehe  
JADE: well what if i told you those were actually mole crickets!!!  
JADE: i bet youd look pretty silly then!  
VRISKA: ...Are they?  
JADE: yep!!!!  
VRISKA: Fuck!!!!!!!!  
JADE: you can open your eyes now

You do just that, rubbing them gently.

JADE: the ancient greek philosopher pythagoras had classes with students called akousmata  
JADE: who would take the classes without looking at him and record every word he said exactly  
JADE: basically they were paying perfect attention to the exact stuff they were being taught without actually paying attention to the context those words  
JADE: those sounds  
JADE: were coming from  
VRISKA: Wow.  
VRISKA: I never took you for a philosophy nerd 8efore.  
JADE: hehe dirk used to bring this stuff up at parties all the time  
JADE i think he thought nobody was listening  
JADE: but i was  
JADE: im always listening  
VRISKA: I’m not gonna lie. I thought I knew you through and through, 8ut...  
VRISKA: Still, you find ways to impress me.  
VRISKA: Is that, like, a medit8tive practice for you?  
JADE: sometimes yeah  
JADE: really clears my head!  
JADE: i dont get why the ancient greeks used it to pay attention to their teacher and stuff its really a way more versatile and way less boring practice than the way they used it!!!  
JADE: jeez can you imagine figuring out how to perceive the world in a whole new way and just using that to take notes in class??????  
VRISKA: Ha! Yeah, that’s ridiculous.  
VRISKA: I have my own little ha8it for staying calm, actually.  
JADE: :O what is it????  
VRISKA: I count up 8y eights. Really keeps my thoughts occupied.  
JADE: hehehe thats so cute  
VRISKA: Ha, I guess it is kinda cute.

And so, an air of tranquility falls on the Harley household. Sure, you’re not off on any big, grand adventure, and sure, there are mysteries you haven’t yet solved, and yeah, maybe you do still miss Terezi, but do you really care?

When you think about it, you don’t. Not in the slightest. You don’t care about an ultimately fruitless assault from a long-dead time god fizzling out over the years. You don’t care about mysterious, but essentially meaningless dreams about a red box that disappeared at the end of the Furthest Ring. You’ve moved past much of your childhood trauma, scarred though it’s left you. Even some scars stop hurting over time. Life goes on, sure, and it doesn’t magically create problems for the purpose of them having to be solved, and it doesn’t magically create solutions that fit one-to-one with whatever problems you might have.

Maybe life is more complicated than you thought when you first stumbled here all those years ago, so sure that a great destiny awaited you somewhere and somewhen in the entirety of existence. But as anticlimactic an ending it seems, there is beauty in that complexity, and there is feeling in that unresolved tension, and there is life in this meaningless little bubble of a world.

Most of all, there is you. There is you, and a mother who loves you no matter what, and a home that you feel safe and secure in, and a happy ending. Your happy ending.

Your name is VRISKA HARLEY.

That’s the first thing you remember when you wake up, and the last thing you remember when you go to sleep. And nobody can ever take that away from you.

THE END.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
PSYCHE.

Clear waters, you discover more than you’d ever hoped would be the case, are the first sign of a rip tide.

Chapter 9: Day 5: TARTAROS

Your phone buzzes, alerting you of an incoming text from an unsaved number. “We’ve detected a threat level Really Fucking Big anachronism”, it claims, “have you seen it?”

VRISKA: Hold on,

You tell mom,

VRISKA: I have to make a call real quick.

You excuse yourself and move to your bedroom. Just to be safe, you put on some music on the record player. An album of old hip-hop demos that should drown you out in case mom might try to listen in, but at the same time, shouldn’t distract you from this call. You dial the number that just messaged you.

VRISKA: Alright. What’s the situ8tion?  
!?!?: Ok, so basically we’ve got a big-ass problem... somewhere. Still trying to figure out where.  
VRISKA: How 8ig?  
!?!?: Makes all the other ones look like time paradoxes for ants.  
!?!?: Seriously, this one’s got relevance for fuckin’ days, and a pretty hefty essentiality level too. We’ve never detected something this big.  
VRISKA: Everything seems fine on my end. You think more of these might happen?  
!?!?: I don’t know.  
!?!?: And I’m actually kind of losing my shit over this.  
!?!?: Okay. I just asked. Apparently this is as intense as it gets.  
!?!?: The good news is... well, that. I guess.  
!?!?: The bad news is this means whatever this is building up to is going to happen real soon.  
VRISKA: Hmph.  
VRISKA: Well, I 8eat Lord English once 8efore.  
VRISKA: I can do it again, right?  
!?!?: God. Hopefully, yeah.  
!?!?: Wait, I think I figured out where the anachronism is.  
!?!?: Oh shIT-

You hear a few seconds of thumping around on his end of the call, and then a sound not unlike television static, and then the connection goes dead.  
A mere couple of seconds later, you get another call.

JOHN: hey vriska. long time no see right? heheh.  
VRISKA: Sure, I guess.  
JOHN: hey uhh...  
JOHN: let’s say there was a serious emergency and i wanted you to get over here as soon as you can without me wasting time explaining it.  
JOHN: in that hypothetical and totally not real scenario which is definitely not happening and i am definitely not losing my shit over, what’s the fastest you can be here?  
VRISKA: I don’t know. An hour twenty, I think.  
JOHN: alright, that’s cool.  
JOHN: totally unrelated question, but would you mind being here in an hour twenty from now?

⁂

You throw on that brown jacket you bought in your first week here, offer a quick goodbye to mom, and bolt out the door. Immediately you take to the skies and shoot off in the direction of John’s house.

John’s pacing back and forth on his front lawn when you land. As you get closer, you see he’s pulling at his hair and panting on the brink of hyperventilation.

VRISKA: Hey John! What’s going on????????  
JOHN: what? i’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out!  
JOHN: i am being a sane, level headed, rational person right now.  
JOHN: it’s ridiculous how normal i am being, and how under control everything is.  
VRISKA: John.  
JOHN: okay if you really wanna know!  
JOHN: i have a daughter now, and i am kind of badly unprepared for a situation like this.  
VRISKA: Wow. Harry’s trans? THAT’S what you called me all this way for?  
JOHN: no!!  
JOHN: i mean... maybe? i don’t really talk to him about that kind of stuff.  
VRISKA: Then what’s happening? You had another kid????????  
JOHN: apparently!!!!  
VRISKA: What the fuck do you mean, apparently?  
JOHN: i mean a thirteen year old girl who looks kind of like me just materialized in my house this morning with no warning and started telling me that i’m her dad!!!!!  
CASEY: Hey, is someone there?

A young girl with wild but short hair, a pictogram of a Furthest Ring server on her shirt, and small, thick-rimmed glasses rounds the corner of what is presumably her father’s house. She looks strangely like John Egbert, and even more strangely unlike him. Her face lights up when she sees you.

CASEY: Oh hey Aunt Vriska!  
VRISKA: Ummmmmmmm...  
CASEY: Come on! At least *you* remember me, right?

You continue making strange, indecisive noises. Some of them are harsh and grating. Some are swallowed and glottal. A few sound like agonized whimpers. Her face falls no matter what sound it is you make, it seems.

JOHN: hey... hey casey...  
JOHN: i thought i told you to stay inside...  
CASEY: You also thought you only ever had one child. And yet, here we are.  
JOHN: i know!!! i’m sorry i really do want to remember you!!!  
JOHN: but...  
JOHN: i don’t know, i just... can’t.  
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha! Oh my god, John. You named your daughter C8SEY????????  
VRISKA: Like, after the wizard sala-  
JOHN: UH, YEAH VRISKA.  
JOHN: YEAH I JUST SO HAPPEN TO KNOW EXACTLY WHETHER A PERSON WHO APPEARED OUT OF THIN AIR THIS MORNING IS NAMED AFTER THE WIZARD SALAMANDER OR THE CON AIR CHARACTER I NAMED THE SALAMANDER AFTER.  
VRISKA: Okay, Jesus.  
VRISKA: No need to get all snippy at me.  
VRISKA: Hey, let’s just change the su8ject.

You’re feeling a pretty powerful surge of upset and resentment emanating from Casey, although she has her father’s incredible talent of being able to hide it.

VRISKA: Hey.  
VRISKA: Case.

Somehow, the nickname feels right. You’re certain that in whatever timeline she’s from, you called her that.

VRISKA: Do you know if... *anyone* remem8ers you?  
CASEY: Well Dad doesn’t.  
CASEY: Mom doesn’t either, actually.  
CASEY: Harry does, though! For reasons I’m not sure of just yet. But I’ll figure it out!  
CASEY: I mean hey. I have to. Right?  
VRISKA: ........  
JOHN: ...  
CASEY: ...  
VRISKA: Why don’t we go inside and talk a8out all this?  
VRISKA: I’m not sure this is something we can really figure out just hanging out on your front lawn.  
JOHN: uhhh,  
JOHN: yeah, that definitely sounds fair.

Casey nods quietly and pushes the front door open. You and John follow her inside. You tap John on the shoulder as you enter and whisper,

VRISKA: (Hey.)  
VRISKA: (Don’t freak out, 8ut the red 8ox...)  
VRISKA: (It’s gonna 8e here real soon. And so is whatever’s inside it, and pro8a8ly whoever or whatever’s 8een 8ringing it here.)  
JOHN: (i...)  
JOHN: (know.)  
JOHN: (i don’t know HOW i know, but i... know.)

The three of you take seats around the living room. None of you want to be having this conversation, but only John, sitting silently though he is, makes this apparent in his awkward demeanour.

VRISKA: So. Case.  
VRISKA: What’s your deal?  
CASEY: Hm.  
CASEY: That’s a broad question. Let me start with the basics.  
CASEY: My name is Casey Egbert, I’m thirteen years old.  
CASEY: Just this morning, I saw that my entire bedroom disappeared without a trace, and soon discovered that neither of my parents recognize me.  
CASEY: But weirdly enough, all the family photos with me in them are still hanging up? Dad freaked out over this.  
JOHN: i did not!!!!  
VRISKA: Can it, John.  
JOHN: i-  
VRISKA: Continue.  
CASEY: Right. So I guess I’m in a whole new timeline now? Aunt Rose explained the concept of timelines to me a few years ago, and I’ve got a creeping feeling that this might be a timeline thing.  
VRISKA: Yeah. This is almost definitely a timeline thing.  
CASEY: Fuck.  
VRISKA: I gotta say, John. You raised a smart kid.  
VRISKA: Well, a kid with memories of 8eing raised 8y you came into 8eing for reasons we can’t totally discern.  
VRISKA: 8ut yeah, time shenanigans. What a hassle, right????????  
VRISKA: I mean damn. They’re the whole reason I wound up stuck in this timeline too.  
VRISKA: I guess I must have landed in at least a few timelines, since you know me.  
CASEY: That makes sense.  
JOHN: (does it?)  
CASEY: (I have no idea.)  
VRISKA: W8, I just realized!  
VRISKA: Wasn’t John divorced 8y the time you were 8orn? So what the hell?  
CASEY: Ah.  
CASEY: Uh... right.  
CASEY: I mean, dad, I’m not going to blame you for this, since this is the timeline where it never happened, buuuut...  
CASEY: Hey. I’m not stupid. When two adults falling out of love want to do everything in their power to hold together a failing marriage, there are only... so many courses of action they can take.

John winces. No doubt if such a choice split the two timelines, he must have seriously considered having a second child at some point.

CASEY: Again, not your fault. Besides, I guess it isn’t really a huge deal.  
CASEY: At least, it shouldn’t be.  
JOHN: casey.....

Casey sighs.

CASEY: Dammit, I just wanna explain who I am and stuff. Not... make you guys feel bad...  
CASEY: You still don’t remember me?

You and John both shake your heads.

JOHN: i don’t think we’re ever going to.  
CASEY: So... that’s it then huh.  
CASEY: Mom and Dad-  
CASEY: The Mom and Dad I knew...  
CASEY: They’re just gone.  
JOHN: i know what that’s like, heheh...

John stares wistfully up at a portrait of himself on the wall, where he must be only nine or ten, standing by his dad. Both of them are smiling into the camera on what looks like a warm, bright day.

JOHN: you always seemed to know what to do.  
JOHN: i bet if you were here now, you’d-

John takes a deep, sharp breath.

JOHN: i don’t even know. but you'd sure as hell do something.

None of you say anything for a while. Talking now just wouldn’t feel right. Eventually, though, the silence breaks, and it is you who breaks it.

VRISKA: Well, I hope it’s cool if I hang around here most of the day.  
VRISKA: I wanna keep track of- well, no offense, 8ut I’m gonna keep an eye out just to m8ke sure Case’s existence doesn’t worsen anything.  
VRISKA: I mean, in a time paradox kind of way, o8viously!  
CASEY: No, I get it.  
CASEY: Actually, I think I would like it if you did stay! In case it wasn’t obvious, I don’t exactly feel super safe with... the world as a whole right now.  
JOHN: yeah you can stay here! it’s really no big deal.  
JOHN: well i mean actually it’s a really really big deal.  
JOHN: but also, that’s why you should stick around anyway?  
VRISKA: Alright then. I mean I don’t have to 8e at the reunion until 6, which means I don’t need to leave here to go to Roxy’s house to meet up with Harry until 3:30.  
VRISKA: You know what’s crazy? I’ve str8 up never met her.  
JOHN: wait, really?  
VRISKA: Yup! The Roxy I knew died in the raid on Derse, and I’ve never seen her since. 8n’t that so weird?  
JOHN: wow.  
JOHN: i could have sworn you’d met her before.  
VRISKA: It’s weird how this stuff works out, I guess.

It’s weird how everything works out ever, all the time, you think. It’s weird and nobody understands.

⁂

Six hours later, you check the time on your phone. Damn, today’s just flown by, right?!  
You’re hanging out with Casey, thumbing through news headlines from the last few years, trying to work out what went differently in your respective timelines. Shockingly little, it seems, although you still give her the berth with which to grieve for the iterations of her parents who have, without warning, ceased to be. It’s during this time that John saunters meekly out of his study and clears his throat.

JOHN: hey vriska.  
JOHN: since youre gonna have to go in just a second, can i talk to you about something?  
VRISKA: Sure.  
JOHN: in orbit, i mean.  
VRISKA: What’s this a8out?  
JOHN: nothing casey needs to know.  
CASEY: Daaaad, should you really be hiding stuff from me while you’re trying to get to know me?  
JOHN: i wanna tell you!  
JOHN: but i shouldn’t. i really can’t put something this heavy on your plate since you’ve pretty much just shown up here.  
CASEY: ...  
CASEY: Alright, fine.  
CASEY: You two go talk about whatever it is.

John gives no more than a slight, sad nod, and disperses into a wind that flows neatly out the door. You go to follow him, but before you do,

VRISKA: Hey. Case.  
VRISKA: For what it’s worth, I’m glad to have you in the family.  
CASEY: Hm, yeah.  
CASEY: Hey, uh, Vriska.  
CASEY: I just wanted to say one last thing real quick.  
VRISKA: Yeah?  
CASEY: Yesterday you were telling me something.  
CASEY: You were... crying. I don't think I've ever seen you do that before.  
VRISKA: Th8t doesn't s8und like me. Crying? Over what?  
CASEY: You said to me that even after all this time,  
CASEY: You still don't feel like a part of this family. You said you didn't know if you ever would.  
VRISKA: ........  
CASEY: You said you felt like you didn't belo-  
VRISKA: Stop t8lking.  
CASEY: I just wanted to know if THIS versi-  
VRISKA: I said,  
VRISKA: Stop.  
VRISKA: TALKING!!!!!!!!  
CASEY: I!  
CASEY: I'm sorry.  
VRISKA: Look, you don’t know a single thing.  
VRISKA: Keep your f8ce out of my 8usiness, alright?  
VRISKA: This is my fucking timeline, and this is my fucking family.  
VRISKA: And another thing, don't you EVER disrespect me like this again. Ok?  
CASEY: ...  
VRISKA: OK?!  
CASEY: Yes Aunt Vriska.  
CASEY: Sorry Aunt Vriska.  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: I'm gonna go now. See ya round.

You clench your fists. That’s enough of this bullshit. You slam the door open and shut as loudly as you can on your exit, and ascend without sparing so much as a glance back.

JOHN: what took you so long?  
VRISKA: It’s not important.  
JOHN: are you... alright?  
VRISKA: John.  
VRISKA: The world might 8e ending soon. What does it matter?  
VRISKA: Just give me the fucking sun8lock and let’s talk this over.  
VRISKA: I mean hey. You don’t look like you’re doing too gr8 yourself.  
JOHN: what do you mean?  
VRISKA: You look actually pretty sick. You have all day.  
JOHN: really?!?  
VRISKA: What’s 8een going on?  
JOHN: i, uh,  
JOHN: gah.  
JOHN: i think...  
JOHN: i think i’m ascending.  
VRISKA: “Ascending”?  
VRISKA: To what?  
JOHN: there’s a concept of supposedly unlimited awareness called the “ultimate self” rose told me about.  
JOHN: i still don’t really get it, but i’ve definitely been pretty hyper-aware of how stuff is going.  
JOHN: like, i can tell how “real” stuff is.  
JOHN: or, i guess “true” is a better word.  
JOHN: and “relevant”, and “essential” too.  
VRISKA: Yeah, uh. I’ve definitely heard those words get flung around a whole 8unch.  
JOHN: right! anyway, so. it’s like i’ve very slowly been developing this ability.  
JOHN: actually maybe curse is more accurate.  
JOHN: but then one day it started developing WAY faster!  
JOHN: remember the... the sex car?  
VRISKA: Oh my god.  
VRISKA: John, I am 8EGGING you to call it something 8etter than the sex car.  
JOHN: the sex car... crash?  
VRISKA: That’s not-  
VRISKA: Whatever. Yeah.  
JOHN: yeah, uh, so i kept going back to it over the years.  
JOHN: not in like a creepy way or anything! i was just trying to figure out what happened!  
JOHN: then one day, i found myself sitting on the trunk of the car, with terezi next to me and a massive chunk of gold embedded in my ribs.  
JOHN: and i looked up, and the sky was pure, howling, colorless void.

He heaves ragged, empty breaths.

JOHN: vriska...  
JOHN: vriska, what’s...  
JOHN: ...happening to me?

You shake your head, admittedly a little jittery with worry.

VRISKA: I don’t know.  
VRISKA: Please, whatever happens. Stay safe.  
VRISKA: I thought when whatever’s a8out to go down goes down, I’d 8e the one in trou8le.  
VRISKA: 8ut I’m starting to think whatever’s gonna happen to me will pale in comparison to what happens to you.

John’s pupils dilate and sharpen. He grits his teeth and grabs you by the shoulders.

JOHN: oh no...  
JOHN: oh no no no no no!  
JOHN: vriska you have NO IDEA what’s going to-  
JOHN: augh.

He pushes you away and sinks his fingers into his scalp, in a vain attempt to block out the brutal onslaught of existing and happening that the entire world constantly unleashes.

JOHN: it’s nothing. you’ll be fine, just go to that reunion.  
JOHN: and don’t let ANYTHING distract you from getting there safe and sound.  
JOHN: if you do that... you should be fine.  
VRISKA: How do you know what’s gonna happen to me?  
VRISKA: John. John! How much danger am I in????????  
JOHN: i don’t know!  
JOHN: i don’t know at all but i know it’s going to be REALLY FUCKING BAD. you have to stay away from what's coming.

He stares at the ground. You join him in doing just that.

JOHN: the ghosts...  
JOHN: the ghosts are starting to disappear.  
JOHN: i don’t know where they’re going, but they’re making way for something big.

Below you lie the lines drawn up between human and troll territory. Sure enough, you can see the ghosts aiding your side of the fight begin to twist out of reality, like the self-disassembling memories of a recently forgotten dream.

JOHN: oh, who cares.  
JOHN: it’s not like they could have made a difference anyway. not really.  
JOHN: i mean come on. they were all mostly-unarmed teenagers, and also probably intangible.  
JOHN: i dunno how this is gonna end, but with or without them... this isn’t really a fight for them to sway.  
VRISKA: Hey! You don’t know that!  
JOHN: oh yeah? if they had any level of importance at all, why are they just disappearing without a trace?  
VRISKA: I don’t know, I just... I don’t know!  
VRISKA: ...  
JOHN: vriska.  
VRISKA: ........  
JOHN: vriska!!  
VRISKA: What? What?!  
JOHN: it’s here.

You open your mouth to ask him what he means, but you don’t need to. You can feel it too.

The red box has been delivered.

JOHN: hey. you should run along to roxy’s house.  
VRISKA: Yeah.  
VRISKA: Uh! Yeah, yeah I should.  
VRISKA: See ya, John.  
JOHN: i sure hope so.

⁂

HARRY: hey vriska! it’s soooo good to see you again!  
VRISKA: Ha, yeah!  
VRISKA: Good lord, it’s 8een way too long.  
HARRY: come on in, mom’s just-  
ROXY: YOOOOOO

It takes you a second to recognize the figure practically leaping from the doorway with excitement, especially since she’s wearing a weirdly puffy jacket and a scarf wrapped not only up her neck, but almost everything below the mouth too. She looks like she must be freezing, even though you cannot imagine why on a day like this.

ROXY: omg omg omg!  
ROXY: youre like THE vriska right  
ROXY: wow ur like  
ROXY: actually here and everything  
VRISKA: Wow, alright. Nice to meet you too?  
ROXY: oh lol where are my manners  
ROXY: lmao sorry sorry its just epic to finally meet u n stuff!  
VRISKA: ...Epic?  
ROXY: yeah b its epic as FUCK  
VRISKA: Yeah, sure. I’ll give you that.  
VRISKA: It IS epic as fuck.  
ROXY: :D  
ROXY: anyways cmon in

Harry and his mother usher you into an old Earth art deco style house whose architecture and style conflicts so heavily with its tacky, likely second- or even third-hand furniture, that you can’t help but feel a little impressed. You flinch at the sensation of something rub against your leg and look down to see a small black cat.

ROXY: o shit  
ROXY: looks like raiden likes u  
ROXY: we got 3 cats btw theyre all around somewhere

She directs the two of you (and a little feline third) into the living room, which has a clear view of the front yard and its adjacent driveway.

HARRY: the others aren’t here yet. tav’s driving vris here, i think he’s the only one of us who actually knows how to drive.  
HARRY: should be here any moment though.  
VRISKA: Awesome.  
ROXY: yo harley  
ROXY: u want somethin 2 drink  
ROXY: i mean shit theres gonna b drinks over there ofc but if u wanna crack open a cold one beforehand i gotchu  
VRISKA: No, it’s fine. I don’t drink.  
ROXY: yeah good call tbh neither does harry  
ROXY: i mean i figured u were gonna say no but ykno its better to ask anyway  
ROXY: like how windows xp has all those weird lil fuckin user icons u can pick  
ROXY: even tho everyone knows u gotta pick the spaceman  
VRISKA: The what?  
ROXY: the mfin windows xp spaceman!!!  
ROXY: like the rubber duck n the soccer ball n the palm trees aint shit  
ROXY: u pick the spaceman or u log tf off bitch  
VRISKA: I don’t get it. What is it with you humans and assuming all your cultural references transl8 directly?  
VRISKA: You know space travel was totally pedestrian technology for us, right? A man who involved himself with space to a degree that would warrant its entanglement with the name of his occup8tion wouldn’t have 8een anything noteworthy enough to photograph.  
ROXY: lol where im from literally any regular ass goddamn human woulda been a photo op  
ROXY: a pic of just some dude is like front page news ass shit  
ROXY: news 4 nobody cuz it was just me n the chess peeps  
ROXY: but still news

A small red car pulls up out the front of the house. You glance over at it and watch two figures you haven’t seen in far, far too long emerge.

ROXY: yo h dogg u mind gettin the door 4 ur friends?  
HARRY: sure thing!

Harry half-jogs off to do just that. You figure you may as well join him: you can hardly contain your excitement at the prospect of reuniting with old friends. After all, there are far too many with whom you’ll never have that chance.

VRIS: Heyyyyyyyy, look who it is!  
VRISKA: Vris! Oh my god, it’s 8een soooooooo long!

The two of you embrace. Sal pokes against your temple a little, but you don’t mind.

VRISKA: Tavros too, wow! You look so different!  
TAVROS: Hello hello hello!

He strokes his rugged designer stubble thoughtfully. You swear the man looks like a film star now.

TAVROS: You yourself look none too shabby either! My, is that side shave new?  
VRISKA: Not really, 8ut it took me way too long to actually commit to sticking to it.  
VRISKA: What do you think?  
TAVROS: Honestly, I think it looks utterly smashing on you.  
TAVROS: Err... Auntie Roxy, what’s with the scarf and jacket?  
ROXY: what these ol things  
ROXY: well i mean theres gonna b a storm 2nite and tbh?  
ROXY: fuck lookin thru my whole ass wardrobe when that rolls around that aint happenin lmao  
ROXY: its a goddamn dump in there lol id be trawling through it like a fuckin detective lookin for the shittiest clues  
ROXY: roxy lalonde n the case of not freezing her dumb bitch ass off  
HARRY: there’s not gonna be a storm tonight, the forecast’s all clear.  
ROXY: nah lol theres gonna be a storm  
ROXY: i can feel it in me ol bones.....

The four of you stare at her in varying degrees of vague stupefaction.

ROXY: u know like  
ROXY: its a thing some ppl can rly feel weather shifts in their bones n stuff  
HARRY: sure, i guess, but why the pirate voice?  
ROXY: idk i just felt like it  
ROXY: vriska gets it  
ROXY: vriska u get it right  
ROXY: ur a bitch of the high seas  
VRISKA: Not really, no.  
VRISKA: Also, that’s not what pir8s sound like in my experience at all.  
TAVROS: Oh, what did the seafarers of Alternia sound like?  
VRISKA: You want me to do the accent and stuff?  
TAVROS: Absolutely!  
ROXY: fuck yeah  
VRISKA: wwhat do you wwant me to fuckin say

You, Roxy, and Tavros burst out laughing. Vris and Harry find it far less amusing, though. Oh well. Their loss.

TAVROS: Anyway, Ms. Lalonde. Would love to stay and all that but you know how it is. We’d best hit the road, eh?  
HARRY: yeah, i think we should.  
ROXY: ok u guys  
ROXY: stay safe!!  
HARRY: yeeees moooom!

Harry rolls his eyes on his way out the door. You giggle and fluff his hair up with a hand. He fakes annoyance for a second, but you both know he can’t stay mad. It’s so good to finally be back.

⁂

TAVROS: Oh for fuck’s sake!

Tavros slams his fist on the dashboard. The car’s stopped right in the middle of a forest back road, with the sun already below the horizon.

Wait. That doesn’t seem right. You check your phone. It’s only 5:40 P.M.  
You peer out the front window from your place in the back seat.

TAVROS: Blasted thing won’t start.  
VRISKA: Oh my god, are those storm clouds?

The car fills with restless murmuring and mumbling as everyone clambers forward for a good look.

HARRY: that can’t be right. let me check the forecast again.  
HARRY: huh.  
TAVROS: Please tell me that’s a good huh...  
HARRY: no reception.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Tavros repeatedly butts his head against the steering wheel, setting the horn off each time.

VRIS: No reception here either.  
VRISKA: Me neither.  
LI’L SAL: 8eginning to convince myself that any notion we might have had of there ever existing an “internet” was a frivolous mass hallucin8tion, just to show myself that I can.  
TAVROS: Bloody hell, Sal. Could you take this a smidge more seriously?  
LI’L SAL: Right.  
LI’L SAL: Yeah, there’s a lot of electromagnetic interference happening right now, I don’t know what from.  
LI’L SAL: It’s like a goddamn solar flare out here.  
LI’L SAL: Say, any of you guys ever hear of a planet called Mercury?  
VRIS: No.  
HARRY: i don’t know, maybe?  
VRISKA: Doesn’t sound familiar.  
TAVROS: Once or twice, I think.  
LI’L SAL: Don’t worry a8out it, it’s not that important.

A long pause. The silent tune of each of you trying to figure out the best course of action from here.

TAVROS: Hrm.  
TAVROS: I say we get out and have a look around for a better signal at least!  
HARRY: sounds good.  
VRIS: Let’s do it.  
VRISKA: W8!!!!!!!!

Everyone glances over at you while they unfasten their seatbelts, but they pay your panic little mind.

VRISKA: If we stay in pl8ce, we’re 8ound to get spotted sooner or l8r, right?  
VRIS: Ha! You haven’t changed, huh?  
VRIS: Still the Same Old Killjoy as ever.  
VRISKA: Excuse me?  
VRIS: Too scared that maybe devi8ing from a strict schedule might cause everything to not work out absolutely perfectly for you!  
HARRY: yeah, i’m getting out of the car before the two of you rip each other to shreds.

Harry and Tavros both climb out onto the forest floor before you have time to protest. Vris follows suit. You sigh and join them.

VRISKA: Hey. Let’s not stray too far, alright?  
TAVROS: However far it takes us to get a signal, that’s how far we’ll go!  
VRIS: C’moooooooon. I thought you would have jumped at the chance to work off those few extra pounds you 8uilt up these last few years.  
VRISKA: ...The what?

Nobody answers that question. They all head off into the forest one by one, and you tag along behind them. Within seconds, it begins to pour with rain. The others run, and you float as quickly as you can behind them.

VRISKA: Hey, uh...  
VRISKA: Wow.  
VRISKA: Hey guys?  
VRISKA: Hey, Harry!  
VRISKA: Vris!  
VRISKA: Tav?

They can’t seem to hear you. You can’t even see them, only sense their presence telepathically.

This is difficult, because you’re not sure any of them seem to have noticed that the rain is rising off the ground, into the clouds.

VRISKA: Hey! Hey, w8 up!!!!!!!!

They all slow a pace, giving you time to catch up.

VRISKA: I just-  
HARRY: what was that?  
VRISKA: What was what?  
HARRY: i don’t... i don’t know.  
HARRY: anyone else hear that?  
VRIS: I don’t hear anything.  
VRIS: Oh. Oh w8, what the fuck was that?  
VRISKA: ........Nope. Nothing.  
VRISKA: Oh SHIT!  
TAVROS: Hm. What is it, that odd little electrical buzz?  
HARRY: yeah!  
TAVROS: I see.  
TAVROS: What do you all say we check it out? Maybe it’s a way out of this damned rain.

You all express varying degrees of affirmation. Well, they do. You’re not too sure what to say. John said you’d be in trouble if you didn’t make it to the reunion, so the way you see it, following the sound is your best bet at getting out of the rain and away from whatever might be lurking in it.

That, or you’re walking straight into a trap.

When you reach the source of the sound, absolutely deafening though it has become on your approach, you decide to settle on the latter. You and your companions stand on the rim of a crater, its immense girth and yawning depth both extending far beyond the limits of your vision. It gives you the impression of what lies before you stretching off into an endless void. One glance skyward confirms your suspicions.

The crater’s structure isn’t unfamiliar to you in the slightest: everyone recognizes the geographical pits and scars which had been burned into the solid earth long before this universe had ever come to be, although few knew of the planet’s brief brush with the Red Miles which had caused them. The memory of Jack’s conquest makes you feel as if, once again, your death may come from the heavens at any moment. One glance skyward confirms your suspicions.

The storm rages on, and your friends seem to have become aware of its strange - to say the least - behavior. They all look around nervously, the wind and the rain whipping and howling at impossible angles. Whatever is causing this, you assert to yourself without the slightest shadow of a doubt, must be the single deadliest thing you’d have encountered since your battle with Lord English himself.

One glance skyward confirms your suspicions.

Tavros slips at the lip of the crater and screams. You catch his arm just in time and lift him up, out, slowly, carefully, agonizingly. Harry and Vris rush to your aid, and you pull him back up. He whimpers in terror and pants in relief when you throw him back onto solid ground. The edge he’d fallen off looks different, though. A small overhang of stone juts out where it hadn’t before. Between it and the backward rain, you slowly put two and two together: it must have broken off under Tavros’s feet, but in reverse.

Another patch of earth flies up from the crater and extends the overhang, and then another, and then another, almost too fast for you to see. Within about twenty seconds, the entire crater looks to be filled in. Dust coalesces into rocks and boulders, and ashes into old Earth flora, which grow back in time, shrinking into the dirt, until it’s as barren and lifeless as the mesa you grew up on.

You’re deafened by the sound of your own heartbeat thrumming in your ears, and your skin feels mostly numb from the blood rush. It takes you a moment to realize that the rain has stopped. You lift your chin and stare at the sky.

The air is blackened beyond what you knew to be possible by clouds so thick, it looks akin to a starless midnight. You wouldn’t even feel sure your eyes were open were it not for one thing:

Hanging overhead is a tunnel in the impossibly black clouds, about the circumference of the crater itself, and seemingly endless. Its walls are lined with dozens - perhaps even hundreds! - of continuous rings of lightning, each flexing and contorting in and out of ten-point spirograph patterns, each shifting in hue from yellow to blue to red to purple to orange to green to maroon to black, over and over and over again.

Something falls from the tunnel. The ruins of a building, it seems. Its descent slows as it reaches the ground, and you can make out its features - it resembles an apartment block, entirely pine-green on every surface.

It touches down, and a shockwave ripples inward towards it from the surrounding area. Dust and splinters seem to coalesce up from nothing and fuse to fill in the gaps and patches in the broken walls and windows, and scraps of glass and steel bounce up from the ground to its roof, where they form an enormous white sphere, its diameter nearly the width of the building’s walls.

HARRY: ...hopy shit.  
VRIS: Well, damn. We’ve gotta go in there, right? Like, we just HAVE to.  
VRISKA: No we don’t. What?  
VRISKA: What part of the sky unfolding, time rewinding, and an imposing, creepy 8uilding appearing out of nowhere makes you think you should go into it?  
VRIS: I mean, someone went to all that trou8le of getting it here. I think we should respect that.  
TAVROS: Well, you do make a good point...  
VRISKA: No she doesn’t! Are you guys insane????????

Despite your conscious resistance, though, you can feel the magnetic allure of this building for reasons of your own. Just because you’ve never seen it before doesn’t mean you don’t recognize it.

God, you *so badly* want to go in there...

But it’s a terrible idea by every metric! You can’t even fathom what might await you in there!

Something else falls from the portal, and the lightning peters out into nothingness. Your only source of illumination now is the enormous white sphere at the top of the tower.

The falling object lands harmlessly and silently only about a dozen feet in front of you. Its beacon provides enough light to reveal that the object looks to be a computer server of some kind, painted a far uglier shade of green. Its front pops open, and through it you can see what you all simultaneously realize must somehow be the interior of the building before you.

HARRY: what just happened?  
VRIS: ...I think we’re being invited in.

One by one, you file into the server door. You mumble something about how terrible an idea this is, but nobody’s listening. As you step out of what looks to be a grandfather clock, Tavros brings up the rear and shuts the door behind him.

VRISKA: Hey, why the hell did you do that?  
TAVROS: Do what?  
VRISKA: Shut the door.  
TAVROS: Shucks, I don’t know. It’s polite. It felt like the right thing to do.  
VRISKA: Tavros...  
TAVROS: Right. Let me just-

He jostles the door. Nothing happens.

TAVROS: Ah.  
VRISKA: It’s LOCKED!?  
VRISKA: Gr8. Now we’re gonna have to find another way out.  
VRIS: Taaaaaaaav...  
TAVROS: Hey! It was an honest mistake, I swear!  
VRIS: Exactly! Now I’m *honestly* yelling at you for it.  
VRIS: Seriously, are you fucking stupid? What m8de you think that was Even Remotely A Good Idea?  
TAVROS: Argh! Sorry! Sorry! I’m sorry!  
HARRY: hey, maybe we should focus on figuring out a way out of here instead of standing in the middle of this clock room and yelling at each other and stuff.  
HARRY: god, why are there so many clocks in here?  
VRISKA: Who gives a shit a8out these stupid clocks?  
LI’L SAL: (I do.)  
VRISKA: We should keep moving. This place is 8ad news.  
HARRY: yeah, that’s a good idea. i just wish it wasn’t so dark in here.

Old, off-amber filaments flick on one by one in this room and all the way throughout the building.

HARRY: thanks, whoever did that.  
VRISKA: Wasn’t me.  
TAVROS: Me neither.  
VRIS: Nope. Not me.  
LI’L SAL: I don’t even need to tell you it wasn’t me.

The dull yellow glow bathing the room is so weak and fuzzy it’s almost dreamlike, or reminiscent of a faded polaroid, the corners of the rooms still draped in thick sheets of darkness from which you fear anything might emerge. One particular wall is clear as day, though. You point to it.

VRISKA: What’s going on there?  
HARRY: what?  
HARRY: oh, wack. looks like the wallpaper’s peeling a bit.  
HARRY: i mean, good i guess. it’s ugly as fuck.

He rips it from the wall, revealing enormous letters scrawled neatly in white.

Don’t mention it. After all, what kind of host would I be if I couldn’t so much as get the light for a few guests in my own home? Hardly a very charming one, I would think. Not that it matters, though. With Ms. Serket here, I dare say we have all the Light we’ll ever need.  
(On the matter of Mr. Egbert’s vicious critique of my decor, however, I simply must object. I’d spent millenia perfecting every aspect of every room in this building, and I assure you that you’re surrounded on all sides by only the finest furniture, upholstery, and interior design. This entire residence has been embellished precisely, and to the very molecule.)

HARRY: okay, this is freaky.  
HARRY: what’s going on here?  
HARRY: vriska??  
VRISKA: Why are you all looking at me????????  
HARRY: i don’t know, this just seems like the kind of thing you’d know about!  
VRISKA: I...  
VRISKA: I do!  
VRISKA: 8ut I don’t want to talk a8out it.  
VRISKA: Ever.  
VRISKA: Ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.  
VRIS: Vriska, you dum8 8itch.  
VRISKA: What!  
LI’L SAL: Our lives are potentially on the line here. The last thing we need is you keeping secrets.  
VRISKA: I wish I could tell you! I really fucking do!  
VRISKA: 8ut... I just can’t.

You shudder, somehow certain that your current host would praise you for your secrecy.

VRIS: I can’t 8elieve this. Are we seriously Doing This right now?  
TAVROS: Vriskas! Both of you, please! This isn’t the time or the place!  
VRISKA: I didn’t-  
TAVROS: Vriska.  
VRISKA: Ugh, fiiiiiiiine.  
TAVROS: Let’s keep moving.

He raises a good point, in the worst possible way.

You all shuffle out of the room cautiously and begin a slow, almost silent tour of the building, shivering at every shadow that might resemble even the vaguest of silhouettes, jumping at every flickering bulb you pass beneath.

Through hallway after hallway after hallway, none of you dare look behind yourselves. Not because of what you might see, but for fear of what you might not: no matter how far or fast you walk, you can never shake the feeling that the corridor ends mere inches from your back.

You all peer into every room off every corridor, but not for too long. Ever-present is the possibility that you might see something you wish you did not. In the minds of your friends, equal is the possibility that it might see you. You, of course, know better.

It already has.

VRISKA: (Hey everyone, hold up!)

You whisper, halfway down one hallway impossible in length given the building’s dimensions. You do not know why you whisper, only that you must.

Everyone stops and turns to you.

VRISKA: (It’s near8y. I can feel it.)  
HARRY: (what is?)  
VRISKA: (I’m not sure. I have a hunch, 8ut I hope I’m wrong.)

You walk through the hall, much more slowly, much more quietly. Your left hand runs along the wall, and along each door. Nope. Not behind this one. Or this one. This one either.

Your fingers brush along another piece of loose wallpaper, and you withdraw your hand as fast as you can and grimace in agony. It feels like a chemical burn on your soul.

Harry follows suit as cautiously as he can, until he wraps his thumb and forefinger around the tip. He takes a deep breath, and rips it off.

You’d all do well to follow Ms. Serket. After all, she knows full well that I’ve kept her on a very short leash.

You wince. Can you be blamed? Still, though, your companions stare at you expectantly, wordlessly urging you to lead on. It’s admittedly unnerving how intensely they’re staring at you. You turn and keep walking slowly, as slowly as you can stand to. You’re near. You can feel it now. You’re near, and it is breathing down your neck. You’re near, and it knows you are near.

You freeze. Everyone behind you slows to a halt. You take a few steps backward, and everyone behind you joins you. Your fingers run back along the wall, along one door, to the doorknob. They curl around the handle in a grip whose strength you didn’t think possible.

This is it.

You slowly throw the door open. It’s better lit than all the other rooms, bathed in lime and hot pink light from windows that, on closer inspection, are no more than still images. You cannot identify the mechanism by which the light is being produced, but you can recognize everything else.

You can recognize everything else because this is your respiteblock.

VRISKA: W8, what the fuck????????  
VRISKA: No, this doesn’t m8ke any sense!  
HARRY: what is this place?  
VRISKA: This was my 8edroom when I grew up.  
LI’L SAL: Are you suggesting you had Some Kind Of Involvement in m8king... whatever this pl8ce is?  
VRISKA: No, I........

You cover your mouth and tears course down your face in streams.

VRISKA: Oh my god, it’s just how I left it.  
VRISKA: Here’s the list of names I planned on trying out when I first came out!  
VRISKA: Oh shit! There are my old character sheets and stuff! Does that mean...

You throw open your wardrobe.

VRISKA: Oh hey! Here’s all the costumes I tried designing myself!  
VRISKA: And here... here’s all the m8keup I could smuggle into this room without my lusus finding out.  
VRISKA: Everything - every single thing! - is exactly the same as I left it!

You do a complete turn around the room. You told yourself you never, ever wanted to come back here, but... you have to admit, you’d longed for it more than you’d liked.

You’re so happy to finally be back. No, not happy. Horrified. Yes, you’re so utterly, mind-breakingly horrified to be back.

You look over at your desk. The space where you’d taken your husktop and... Eurgh. Mindfang’s Journal.

What were you thinking about? Oh, right! The place left in their absence is occupied by two objects now. One, a VHS tape, with “For my four wonderful houseguests, and Ms. Serket.” written on the front.

Next to it is an intricately carved ivory chest, about a foot along every dimension. A shiver runs up your spine when your eyes adjust to the pink and green lights, and you realize that it’s completely blood-red.

VRISKA: ...We’ve gotta 8urn this pl8ce to the ground.  
HARRY: what?!  
VRIS: Man, I’m t8king that chest. It looks like it’s worth a fortune.  
VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!  
VRIS: Why not?  
VRISKA: 8ecause... 8ecause it’s mine! Ye8h!

Real fuckin’ smooth.

VRIS: Alright, works for me.  
LI’L SAL: Di8s on that tape, though. I mean come on. The thing’s addressed to us and everything.

You want to say something, to object, but what can you tell them? You can’t even tell yourself a damn thing about you-know-who.

VRISKA: Alright, let’s just take this shit and go. I don’t wanna think a8out this place any more than I have to.  
TAVROS: That sounds good enough to me.  
TAVROS: I’ll admit, this place is giving me the heebie-jeebies too.  
HARRY: yeah, same.  
VRIS: I can’t 8elieve this. Ba8ies, all of you!

You walk back into the corridor and look to your right, back the way you’d come.

VRISKA: W8, what the fuck?  
HARRY: what?  
HARRY: wait!! what the fuck?!?

The corridor you’d come down is gone now, replaced only by a stairwell leading upward. You look the other way, and there’s only a wall there. You can’t see any of the other doors you’d passed by.

VRIS: Alright, yeah. Now I’m starting to see why you were freaking out so much earlier.  
TAVROS: Oh dear, Vris! Are you alright?  
VRIS: For now, yeah. Let’s just... go upstairs, since it looks like we’re out of options.

You all nod in agreement and take the stairs, one by one, up into an unlit attic, which looks to be more in accordance with the actual length and width of the building than its non-euclidean labyrinth. The room is cluttered with a vast array of eclectic paraphernalia of all shapes and sizes. Weapons. Furniture. Playing cards. Maps and charts. Old records. And sitting in the middle of the room is a single television set and VHS player.

VRISKA: Oh, you have got to 8e kidding me.  
VRIS: Huh. Looks like someone was expecting us.  
VRISKA: Don’t you get it yet? He’s 8een expecting us this whole fucking time!!!!!!!!  
VRIS: Wow, holy shit. Calm down.  
VRIS: I think your issues are just 8leeding into what’s already kind of a horror movie level pro8lem.  
VRISKA: ISSUES????????  
VRIS: Anyway, it looks like there’s nothing left to do except play this tape I guess?  
VRISKA: Oh, we’re a8solutely not fucking doing that.  
VRIS: Nah, I’m gonna do it.

She starts walking toward the VHS player. You run after her and ram your elbow into her ribs.

VRIS: Fuck... hhh... hhh...  
VRISKA: Don’t even dream of playing that thing.  
VRIS: Hey Tav, go long!  
TAVROS: Uh?  
VRIS: YEET!

She throws the tape to Tavros, who runs towards the television. You tackle him to the floor, and he delivers an underarm pass to Vris, who bolts for it. You don’t get up in time to stop her. You lunge in her direction, shout,

VRISKA: W8, don’t do it!

K-chk. Clack. Veeeeeeeee... the VHS player whines, welcoming the tape into its mechanical maw. The television flares to life, bathing the entire room in the blinding white glow of its static haze. The corner of the room cast in its light reveals a couch just wide enough for the four of you, a coffee table upon which to put all food, drinks, and juju chests you might have on you, and a coat rack upon which to hang your hats, your coats,

And your narrative.  
  
Excellent work in cordoning yourself off into an apocryphal universe, Ms. Serket, thereby forcing my hand to give up my absolute honesty in everything I say, but it’s not going to work.  
  
I say it’s not going to work for two reasons: Chiefly because once again you seek a battle of wits with me, as if you’ve never learned that such is a fight you cannot possibly hope to win. Such psychological warfare has always been fruitless for you, and trivial for me.  
  
Secondarily, because I will have been dead for several billion years by the time you watch this.  
  
Every last event hereby documented in this video will either be a description of events from my perspective, or what your perspective would be like if it objectively existed. As such, some notes of mine are, in fact, literally untrue, if only because the existence they are addressing is questionable at best. Because I am making a note to pre-emptively address any such relevant details like this, I am, in fact, maintaining my absolutely truthful manner of speaking and, by extension, my infinite charm as an excellent host.  
  
You are all absolutely aware of these facts in the very first frame that the television displays of myself, standing in the middle of my parlor. Were it not for sparks of green lightning that course across my body, you’d not be blamed if you mistook it for a still image.  
  
I’d also like to take this moment to note that you can keep your second-person privileges. You’ve had them for this long, after all, and retracting them now would achieve nothing.  
  
Speaking of you, you’re standing frozen in horror, directly in front of the television. Your jaw hangs slightly agape, your pointed fangs jutting out defensively like the violent, unruly animal you’ve made yourself out to be.  
  
My, how you’ve grown, Ms. Serket. And in all the worst ways, at that. Whatever happened to the bright, charming young girl who once so obediently complied to the needs of my master’s every end, without question?

VRISKA: What the fuck do you want from me NOW????????  
VRISKA: You promised me you’d never t8lk to me ever ag8in!!!!!!!!  
HARRY: (you know this guy?)

To address the concerns of the factually nonexistent Mr. Egbert, and, in fact, to address the presence of the entire quintet I’ve little choice but to posthumously accommodate, Ms. Serket and I have known each other for quite some time.  
  
While you can’t muster the strength to interrogate me on this point, I’d like to clarify that it was, in fact, a joke. I’ve known you since the omniscient birth of my concurrent form, and you have never known me at all. This is an arrangement I think works out rather well for both of us, aside from you. Oh well. We all have to make compromises.

VRISKA: Augh! Stop d8flecting! You f8cking LIED to me!

I’ll be with you in a moment, dear. I’d just like to extend a warm welcome to your friends first. After all, this is their inaugural foray into narrative significance, and they’d do well to savor this feeling.  
  
How are you feeling, ladies and gentlemen?

HARRY: hey, who are you?! what’s going on here?!?  
VRIS: What kind of fucking 8ullshit-  
TAVROS: Er, excuse my prudence, but you wouldn’t happen to know where the exit is by any chance?  
LI’L SAL: Maybe I’m being too quick to judge but if you want my opinion I think whatever’s going on here looks pretty fucked up.

Wonderful! That’s rather par for the course, as first times go. I do hope you’ll settle in nicely.

VRIS: How are you even doing this if you’re dead and this is all pre-recorded????????

It’s all a matter of omniscience, Ms. Lalonde. All I need to know is who will say what, and at which point in time, and my soliloquy can masquerade as a balanced conversation. May I say, by the way, that it’s a pleasure to finally uphold a charade of meeting the daughter of three among my most useful proteges.  
  
Now that’s out of the way, I’ll not waste another moment on skirting around tonight’s main event. I’m afraid the matter at hand is far more dire than a being of finite knowledge and influence like you could ever expect, Ms. Serket.  
  
I’d said that our paths would never cross again last we met because that was, in fact, the case.  
  
And then it wasn’t.  
  
Suddenly, and by forces even beyond the depth and breadth of my endless mind, the truth had been rewritten. Your death, undone.  
  
And in that single instant, just as a mutual associate of both of us had destroyed the single most valuable timepiece in my possession, I’d been forced to witness this mortifying new truth sew itself into the tapestry of canon, and I knew.  
  
I KNEW THAT MY MASTER’S GRAND PLAN, EVERYTHING I’D WORKED TOWARDS AND WOULD WORK TOWARDS IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME, MY ENTIRE RAISON D’ETRE IN EVERY SENSE OF THE PHRASE, WAS FOR NOTHING!  
  
Do you know why that is, Ms. Serket?  
  
You shake your head, even though you know why. You know it is because, three years after the unwriting of your demise, you killed him.  
  
You killed L🎱RD ENGLISH.

VRISKA: That’s what all this is a8out????????

I’m not sure you quite understand the severity of the situation, or how this is going to play out. Allow me to make myself clear. I’m afraid my earlier outburst might have obscured my point. I’d like to apologize to all of you for that.  
  
I think it’s only fair that if you should work so hard to undermine everything I’ve spent my life working towards, you ought to be repaid in kind.

VRISKA: ...What.  
VRISKA: Don’t you dare l8y a finger on me, weirdo! I’ll gut your fluffy plush 8ody!

Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it. You should be aware by now that my methods are far less direct than that.  
  
All I’m going to do is restore you to your former nature. That you should ever have wanted to be something else is, frankly, ludicrous.

VRISKA: Oh yeah???????? You’re 8luffing! I’d like to see you try!  
HARRY: vriska i don’t think you should really fuck with a guy who can predict how this conversation’s gonna go...  
VRISKA: Oh my god, Harry. Can’t you see I’m talking here????????  
VRISKA: And YOU!!!!!!!! No matter what you think, the old Vriska is DEAD, and there 8n’t a single fucking thing you can do to 8ring her 8ack.  
VRISKA: I’m DONE 8eing your mindless goddamn we8pon!

Is that so? How very odd, my limitless knowledge leads me to believe otherwise. Still, though, since you’re so insistent that I at least try, I shan’t disappoint.  
  
You see, my distinguished guests, my work of accommodating you thus far has been rather shoddy. I really should have found a way to keep you entertained from the moment you set foot in my home! Let’s ameliorate that, shall we?  
  
I want to play a game.  
  
You all collectively hear the door click shut behind you. Ms. Lalonde runs to it, rattling it furiously, but to no avail. I’d installed an automatic locking mechanism that would activate after a certain amount of time had passed, precisely equal to the time between when I'd installed it and what you perceive to be the present. Mind you, locks with timers which count up to several universes’ lifespans in length are hard to come by, let alone those precise to the very second. In case it wasn’t clear, I take these games very seriously.  
  
The objective is simple: You, the Thief of Light, have outlived your use. Now, you function as a wild card whose actions might inhibit or antagonize contingencies I’ve put in place, were this situation to arise. What’s more, you’re a wild card with an incredibly deadly weapon.  
  
You eye the small chest still tucked under your arm. Your vision eightfold confirms its contents.  
  
You think of the room in which you’d found it, an exact replica of your own block, recreated one to one for the purpose of seeding your dreams with the idea of this establishment, drawing it ever closer, year after year. You did not know this was what had happened until I told you just now, but in retrospect, it seems obvious. And you’d fallen for it hook line and sinker, like the sucker you are.  
  
Your companions are tasked with neutralizing you permanently, and by any means necessary. A multitude of weapons left behind by that mutual colleague of ours are strewn about this room for the exact purpose of this task. Succeed, and the door will unlock.

HARRY: wait, what the fuck!? you can’t make us do this, this must be some kind of sick joke!

Yes.

HARRY: what...?

This is a joke.

HARRY: oh, phew.  
TAVROS: Boy howdy! That’s a relief, huh?

The real reason you’re all tasked with killing her is because she’s loathsome, petulant, and mindlessly destructive, and I hate her.

VRISKA: What????????  
VRISKA: No, y8u don’t h8 me!  
VRISKA: You love me, remem8er? You 8DORE me, you’re o8sessed with me!!!!!!!

Strangely enough, I remember no such thing.

LI’L SAL: This should 8e easy enough. After all, killing Vriska’s only gonna result in her resurrection, right?

Ms. Serket’s continued failure to perish will prevent the conclusion of the game, and subsequently, bar you from being able to leave this room. As such, an attempt on her life would, of course, be an attempt at regaining your freedom, and thus it would be Just.  
  
The five of you fall silent, unsure of what to say or do, as if the appropriate course of action hadn’t been laid out plainly before you. Some of you try to think of an alternative exit, others, of how long you could survive here without food or drink. Only one of you is brave enough to so much as consider what you’d be left to do without the appropriate toiletries. That is, until I mentioned it just now. Haa haa, hee hee, hoo hoo.  
  
Ms. Lalonde tries the door once again to no avail. She curses under her breath, turns to dig through the nearest pile of assorted deadly criminal appurtenances she can find, and draws Occam’s razor. Ah, a personal favorite of Mr. Slick’s! Excellent choice, madam.

HARRY: vris?  
HARRY: vris. put that knife down.  
VRIS: Sorry, dude.  
VRIS: I’m just trying to 8e pragmatic. That’s all.

She approaches you slowly, her blade lowered. You eye the chest tucked under your arm again, very seriously considering deploying its contents.

VRISKA: If- If I did th- If I did that, and killed everyone else here, would I win????????

Tell me, Ms. Serket. When you engaged in the pastime of fatal live action roleplay, you had, many times a session, nearly every session, come across computer-operated enemies that you and your teammates were tasked with defeating, no?

VRISKA: Yeah. Right. With you so far.

These foes existed solely to be slain for your own amusement. They were simple, mindless obstacles for the exclusive purpose of hindering, and ultimately advancing, the characters of yourself and your team. They either died by your hands, or you’d be forced to withdraw and try again, if not after a brief recovery period, in another session, another night. The outcome is at no point in doubt.  
  
Mere obstacles have no win condition. Mere obstacles live only to be killed.

VRISKA: O- oh yeah? Well, what if I *do* just kill everyone in this room? What then, huh????????

You’d be left with four very visceral pieces of evidence to confirm that you’re exactly the weapon I molded and honed you to be.  
  
That said, I’m willing to provide you with one final boon. Look directly at the television.  
  
Yes, that’s right. You’re staring directly at my image, even with your descendant hot on your tail. All that’s left to do is activate your vision eightfold, and gaze into the infinite blackness of certainty and obscurity my visage conceals.  
  
And when you do just that, you feel as if you’re on fire. The fire melts through shackles that had tied you down from the very first moment your existence had ever splintered in any direction, and the heat eats away at your body. You can’t be blamed for dropping your weapon, your advancing assailant nowhere in your thoughts as her lover, the one who bears the most noble surname of all, dives in and claims the box for himself. You certainly can’t be blamed for falling to your knees, screaming, and covering your face with your palms, trying desperately to keep the light out.  
  
But you cannot - its radiance comes from within you, and so brightly that you can’t believe this is the first time you can see it.  
  
In fact, you might be inclined to say that this is the first time you’re truly, actually _seeing_.  
  
  
  
You’re snapped out of the nightmarish epiphany only by the sensation of a steel dagger driving through the flesh of your left bicep and out the other side. You howl in pain and keel over, but Ms. Lalonde’s attack, you silently note, was amateurish at best. You rip the blade from its place and leap for her throat.  
  
She blocks a jab with surprising precision, strikes a devastating swing of her fist against your knife arm. You fall back, and just in time to see Mr. Egbert lunge at you with the butterfly effect knife. With your own dagger, you stab into his shoulder. His arm jolts, and he drops the knife. You catch it and discover he hadn’t even opened the knife - he had no intention of killing you at all. You think him a coward for this. I’m inclined to agree.  
  
During this time, Mr. English has decided that he’s not particularly willing to find out what’s in the red box, and has selected a weapon of his own: A long, firm leather rod, belonging to Mr. Slick’s most murderous underling.

TAVROS: Feels a little weird.

He swings it about, testing its weight in his hand. He decides it’s a perfectly balanced weapon.

TAVROS: What’s it made of?

He asks, as if “long, firm leather rod” weren’t an apt enough description to answer that question.

TAVROS: No, no! I mean what part of a cow’s hide even gets this coarse and whippy?

He elaborates, as if “long, firm leather rod” weren’t an apt enough description to answer that question.  
  
This tangent is important to note, because in the meantime, you flick the butterfly effect knife open with a flawless double thumb roll, and prepare to strike at Mr. Egbert with both knives. Your strike is interrupted by my master’s namesake screaming in abject horror, distracting you long enough for your descendant to deliver a right hook to the back of your head.  
  
You keel forward and spit blood, and when you recover you swing one knife, and then the other, in her direction. She avoids both easily.

VRISKA: Yeah, sure, 8ut now I’ve figured out how she’s doing it.  
VRIS: W8, what?!  
VRISKA: It’s those dum8ass sh8des, isn’t it?  
VRISKA: They’re analyzing my every move, reading me like a goddamn 8OOK.  
LI’L SAL: Hey, leave me out of this! I don’t want any part of your Stupid Dispute For Moron Ba8ies.  
VRISKA: Vanilla Milksh8ke?

Yes, that’s exactly what’s happening. Knowing this, you tuck your blades into your belt and place your fingers on your temples.

VRIS: No no no nO NO NO NO NO W8-

You overwhelm her with a concentrated burst of pure telepathic noise. She falters for just a fraction of a second, which is all the time you need to pull the auto-responder-running sunglasses from her face,

LI’L SAL: Sorry, Vris.  
LI’L SAL: I wish I got the chance to tell you all the-

And rip them apart, one lens in each hand. You clutch them so tightly that they dig into your palms. Your blood pools where the edges pierce your skin.  
  
Ms. Lalonde screams in horror, and in agony, and in fury, and in shock. Most of all, she cries out for the loss of a sister.  
  
Mr. English charges at you, horse hitcher in hand, but you deftly swerve to throw him just over your shoulder. You drive both lenses into his deltoids. He yells, and you draw your knives once more. Still, none have succeeded in killing you. I do wish they’d put more effort into this.  
  
Mr. Egbert swings at you overhead with the rapier wit, blissfully unaware of how clearly his status as a complete novice is on display. You catch his blade with Occam’s razor, and parry faster than he can register. Mr. English runs at you again, and in one swift motion, you chart a collision course between the skulls of the two cousins.  
  
Your namesake, now out for revenge, runs at you. You open the butterfly effect knife again with an ice pick spin almost too quick for the eyes of your adversary (or perhaps “prey” is more apt?), and drive it into her midsection, pull it out, and drive it in again. She clings to the knife with one hand, holding it in place, and covers her stab wound with the other. You twist the knife and kick her backward to the wall. You haven’t heard anyone scream like she does in a very, very long time.  
  
The two humans run at you again, and you’d agree that my reluctance to mention as much until you’d actually noticed them doing so was characteristically sly of me. You decide that making yourself my enemy is still as bad an idea as when it left you down one arm, and much of your face.  
  
Yes. That is definitely what you decide.

VRISKA: Ugh! Shut UP!

You demand, as you throw Occam’s razor into the thigh of your former protege’s son, and a brief psionic jolt is enough to knock him out cold. As for Mr. English, you bat his hitcher aside with the palm of your hand, and use your elbow to strike his forearm with enough force to break the bone. He nearly faints from the pain, but you grab him by the neck with both hands, and hold him up until you feel his breathing stop. He slumps to the ground, not quite dead. Not yet, anyway.  
  
Ms. Lalonde tries to ease her way up from her slump against the wall, but you kick the handle of the knife embedded in her midsection, forcing it only deeper. She splutters on her own blood.  
  
You walk to the television and sit cross-legged in front of it. For reasons you don’t understand, you gently run your fingers down the screen. Down the image of me. Yes you do, don’t pretend that you don’t.  
  
The static tingles the tips of your fingers, you find, as you stare at the screen, searching yourself for a name to put to whatever it is you’re feeling.  
  
Awe, perhaps? Nostalgia, for a simpler time, when I believed I had no reason to antagonize you? A longing for everything I symbolize to you, the life and friends you’d lost? Maybe you’re craving what you’d perceived as intimacy back when you believed I might have been your friend. Or maybe you’d believed I was more than that.  
  
Oh? Have I struck a nerve? Interesting.

VRISKA: No, it’s... it’s nothing. Your words mean nothing to me now.  
VRISKA: I must have 8een a stupid kid to think they ever did.  
VRISKA: Now that everyone else is dead or dying, though, it’s just you and me.  
VRISKA: And that means I get to do something I’ve wanted to do for a long, long time.

Ms. Serket? Ms. Serket, please stop punching the television. Your knuckles are becoming raw and bloody, and the stab wound in your upper arm stings to a mind-numbing degree. You want to stop. I command you to. And yet, as always, you dedicate yourself to achieving the most stupid, pointless things you can manage.  
  
A crack appears on the screen. Ŧhis is the only fruit of your assauℓt thus far, and was it worth it? The skin on your knuckles is sliced open on the crack, and the heat from Ψithin the television set is beginning to burɲ your flesh. The agony is unbearable, and still, you drive your left ƒist into the screen, over and over and over and over. How much blood have you been losing thȑough this arm? Đo you know? Do you care? I think it’s certainly w๏rth noting.  
  
Tȟe crack widens, and the flesh of your fist is shreďded and charred, and still, yoɥ deliver blow aғter blow after blow into the sȼreen. For what? To silence me? ʍy dear, you’re doing me nø harm whatsoever, and very quicklᎽ destroying your own body. Is that wᏂat you want? Self-destruction? I’d çonvince you that yes, thαt is what you want, in much the same w🇦y you’ve proven your mind malleaᏰle to any other sugg€stion I could offer, but ώhen you leave yourself to die here in קerfect silence, I’ll bᏋ taking solace in the fact that you’ll pa5s away afraid, alone, and retᎥcent about whatever mercy yoṳ’ll wordlessly hope fσr.  
  
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punch clean through the television screen, shattering it completely.

You huff, and heave, and snarl. The last modicum of Lord English’s influence in the entirety of this existence... has been destroyed. Way to go, Vriska! Not only did you kill him, but you stopped all the wheels he and his underlings had turned, dead in their tracks! You’re a hero! You’re the best! You’re... locked in a room, with all your slowly and painfully dying friends, whose impending deaths may or may not be your direct fault.

Also, you’ve got your hand stuck in a television, hooked on barbs of glass. One shard is cutting into the tendon of your fourth finger so badly that you can’t even move it. Oh god, you can’t die! Not here, not now!

VRISKA: No no no no...

You whimper to yourself, eight times over. You can’t take this. You can’t take the fact that you’ll die a pathetic, humiliating death out here in the middle of nowhere, that you’ll die alone, and that your body will never be found. Most horrifying of all, you think, is that your death is going to be Just.

No! You can’t take the thought of everything you worked so hard to become meaning nothing, and you dying a villain! You just can’t accept that! You’re not a bad guy, you tell yourself, tears welling up in your eyes and running down your cheeks. You’re not! You’re not! You’re...

You scream. How can this be the end? This isn’t fair! This isn’t fucking fair! Please, can’t *anyone* tell you why this is happening? How you’ve deserved this?!

The smell gets worse, and it’s only then you notice flame crawling out of the hole in the screen, past your wrist, up your arm. The jacket sleeve catches alight easily, and you feel the skin and fat and muscle in your forearm burn and warp and decay in the flame. So this is it, you gasp breathlessly, frozen in shock, in terror, in a lifetime of regret. This is how you die.

You consider patting out the flame with your right hand, but you can’t exactly roll the jacket sleeve up with your left hand and you’ll just end up with that one catching alight too. If you try to pull it back with your teeth, too, you’d be putting your hair into the flame. Despite everything, you are not dying with short hair. You want one last grain of dignity.

The flame crawls up further still, past your elbow. When it reaches your stab wound, the pain is genuinely mind numbing. You can’t think, can’t concentrate on anything but the pain. In fact, it takes you a few seconds to notice Harry standing over you, rapier wit in hand.

VRISKA: H... hh... hh... hhh........  
VRISKA: Please,

You gasp,

VRISKA: Please don’t hurt me.  
HARRY: i’m so, so sorry.  
HARRY: but it’s for the best.

He raises the blade. You wince, eyes closed, and tilt your head to the right, exposing the cleanest possible shot of your neck.

Then, a sharp, searing agony runs through your left arm. You fall backward and shriek. The pain is excruciating. You land flat on your back and grasp your shoulder.

It’s not there.

Harry helps you up and you stare, shell-shocked, at the severed arm slumped out of the flaming television. You can’t move. You can only gawk at it. At first, you’re not sure if you’re seeing correctly. After all, your vision is blurry and dark from how quickly you stood up, and from how much blood you’re losing, alarmingly quickly.

Harry pulls his shirt off and wraps it around your absent shoulder. You try to thank him, but no words leave your throat. He says something to you, but you cannot make it out. You want to see how he’s treating his own stab wound, but you feel as if you have forgotten how to look down. You feel as if you have forgotten how to move. You try to ask how Vris and Tavros are right now, but your mouth does not move, and your lungs do not allow for any sound to escape it even if it could.

You hear a familiar loud, high pitched wail, but it is distant, and you can’t remember where you heard it. All that you remember is that the sound is typically followed by an explosion.

You hear an explosion. You also see an explosion. You use what little processing power your mind can allow for at this moment to piece together that these are almost definitely the same explosion. A section of the opposite wall has been blasted to dust. Standing in the rubble, soft wisps of smoke coiling out of his eye sockets, is a figure you feel you have seen before. You know, though, that you haven’t seen him in a very long time.

¿¿¿: 0h c0me 0n. Vriska?  
¿¿¿: if i knew y0u were g0nna be here, i w0uld have...  
¿¿¿: i d0n’t kn0w. still c0me here, i guess. wh0 really gives a single s0ftb0iled shit.  
???: who are you?  
???: how did you know we would be here?  
¿¿¿: i d0n’t kn0w, i just get messages fr0m s0me dipshit wh0 r0leplays as a spy 0nline 0r s0me crap.  
¿¿¿: he als0 t0ld me t0 take this red b0x s0 y0ink i guess.  
???: wait, who...?  
¿¿¿: 0h and s0me p0lice 0r ambulances 0r whatever the fuck are 0n their way. i d0n’t really kn0w, i’m just here because he said he’d give me fifty bucks if i gave him this b0x.  
¿¿¿: n0t t0 be pl0t relevant 0r anything like that but hey, fifty bucks is fifty fucking bucks.  
¿¿¿: the hell’s her pr0blem, n0rmally she’d be laughing her ass 0ff at s0mething that blisteringly, acid tract turningly unfunny.  
???: oh, uh...?  
???: i think vriska’s in shock.  
¿¿¿: 0h, 0k.  
¿¿¿: bye.  
???: wait!!!  
???: our friends...  
???: will they be okay?  
¿¿¿: ...  
¿¿¿: what d0 i l00k like, a fucking d0ct0r?  
¿¿¿: i swear y0u pe0ple expect everything fr0m me.

Wow, you’re... losing a lot of blood, haha! That’s crazy. Isn’t that so crazy?

You think you’ll just... just take... take a quick nap. Yeah, that’s right. Just a little nap, because you’re so tired.

Goodnight.

⁂

When you open your eyes again, everything’s dark and blurry, and ringing very loudly. A figure’s standing over you, you think... and they gesture across you. Beckon someone over. Your vision starts to clear and you try to sit up, but you fall to your side. The figure standing over you catches you and...

Right. Okay. Your arm’s missing. That’s... not good.

The figure holding you up is a doctor, but you can’t tell much more than that. Everything still feels really hazy.

You hear something. Yelling. Crying. Something like that. A taller figure grabbing you and holding you close. It smells like mom. You think it is her.

VRISKA: Hnmgh?  
JADE: oh my god  
JADE: oh my god  
JADE: oh my god  
VRISKA: Mom...?  
JADE: oh my god vriska oh my fucking god  
VRISKA: Mom, what-  
JADE: dont you ever scare me like that again!!!!  
VRISKA: I don’t...  
VRISKA: ...Sorry, mom.

The doctor and your mother make a couple of quick gestures to one another, and then the former makes themself scarce. You rub your eyes with your one arm and return what you can of the embrace. It’s been years since you heard her actually sob like this.

VRISKA: What happened? Where am I?  
JADE: were in the hospital right now  
JADE: they gave you a blood transfusion and stuff because you lost a lot!!!!!  
JADE: but even then they said after all that you probably werent gonna make it  
VRISKA: What, I was just gonna pass away overnight?  
JADE: vriska  
JADE: oh my baby vriska  
JADE: you were out for days  
JADE: nearly a week  
JADE: slowly spiralling downward  
VRISKA: What? That’s not... that’s not possi8le.  
JADE: vriska i waited here nearly a week  
JADE: for some doctor to come up to me and tell me that i lost my only daughter  
JADE: oh my god vriska  
JADE: oh my god  
VRISKA: You... you w8ed here the whole time?  
JADE: heheh i wasnt exactly gonna leave you!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: No, that makes me feel so awful........  
VRISKA: Mom, please don’t fret over me.  
JADE: no of COURSE im gonna worry about you!!!!  
VRISKA: Mom! Mom. Listen to me.  
VRISKA: You might not like to hear it, 8ut I’m gonna die one day. Please, please don’t get hung up on that.  
JADE: no no no no no no no no no no vriska dont say that! You cant say that!!!!  
VRISKA: Mom. Mom! I’m not asking!  
VRISKA: I *need* you to 8e ok with that.  
VRISKA: I can’t have another Terezi.

She says nothing. She nods slightly, you think, and her grip on you just gets a little bit tighter.

JADE: if  
JADE: if youre ready to go i can take you to where theyre keeping all your stuff and we can get out of here  
JADE: looks like your god tier means you recovered supernaturally quickly from whatever did this to you  
JADE: whatever did this to my baby girl...  
JADE: my only fucking daughter..............

She lets go of you. You notice how quickly she puts her hands in her pockets.

VRISKA: Okay.

You force back tears with a smile.

VRISKA: Okay mom.  
VRISKA: Let’s go home.

⁂

The night outside is not entirely unlike that on the first night you got here. It’s cool, quiet, and with only the weakest of breezes blowing through it. You wouldn’t say it feels just like deja vu, of course, but it does feel the faintest bit unreal.

It’s a long time before you stumble through the front door of your house, and you think this place has... a strange air to it. Of course it does, what with nobody looking after it (aside from “a friend” of mom’s tending to the garden every day, she tells you). You definitely feel like this isn’t someplace you belong. Not anymore. Not after...

You flick the lights on to your bedroom - now less trivial than it had been in the past, since the light switch is to your left - and massage your empty shoulder. Mom follows you up, to make sure you’re alright. You’re not, obviously, but... you know. You’ve gotta extinguish your irons one at a time.

You shout at nothing, and shake your head. Mom jumps, clearly startled.

VRISKA: I’m sorry, just........ Ow. Phantom pains are a real 8itch.  
JADE: i can only imagine!!!!  
VRISKA: Man, it sucks that I went to all that trou8le of getting this 8ody so I didn’t have to deal with it! That arm only lasted me ten years! Ten short fucking years!  
VRISKA: What’s the point of... fighting for anything if someone can just come along and take it away from me?  
JADE: :(  
JADE: i wish i knew how to answer that  
VRISKA: No, I-  
VRISKA: It was rhetorical. Don’t worry a8out it.  
JADE: :( :( :(  
VRISKA: Hey, if it’s not too much to ask.  
JADE: anything you want  
JADE: anything at all and you just need to tell me  
VRISKA: I’d like some time alone.  
JADE: oh  
JADE: yeah um  
JADE: yeah thats ok  
VRISKA: 8esides, I wanna fall 8ack asleep pretty soon. I just...  
JADE: no no its fine  
JADE: its fine you can have that

She leaves. She says she’s fine, but the slant of her ears tells you otherwise. The moment she’s gone, you pull out your phone. You try ringing Jake.

Hm.

Hello?

Okay, the key word is try. You try a second time.

Come onnnnnnnn, pick up!

Mother FUCKER!

Alright, you try calling one of the other engineers.

VRISKA: Hey, can we talk?  
AMOLIN: 01. Hey! I didn’t realize you were out of the hospital already. What’s up?  
VRISKA: I wanna ask you the same thing! I tried calling J8ke, and explaining to him why I’ve 8een away all week, 8ut he’s just not picking up!  
AMOLIN: 01. Oh.  
AMOLIN: 02. Right.  
AMOLIN: 03. Yeah, uh, let’s just say it’s a good fuckin’ thing you’re unionized.  
VRISKA: What...?  
AMOLIN: 01. Jake tried to fire you, fam.  
AMOLIN: 02. Said you really roughed up his kid or something.  
AMOLIN: 03. But since you’re our only superior who ever gets a damn thing done, me and the rest of the crew threatened to strike if he axed you.  
AMOLIN: 04. Y’see some guy with a big-ass hat and a trench coat came by, told us he’s been covering for you since you couldn’t have done anything to prevent whatever happened, added English Junior didn’t wanna press charges, and said if we kept our mouths shut Jake wouldn’t have a good reason to give you the boot anyway.  
AMOLIN: 05. I mean, Jake’s Jake so a few harsh words from the union rep got him to step off. But still!  
AMOLIN: 06. I dunno what’s going on, but that guy with the hat explained you’re a pretty troubled kid. You DEFINITELY don’t sound like someone who can afford to lose her job, much less one you’re so good at.  
VRISKA: Holy shit! All this in the last...  
AMOLIN: 01. Five days, yeah.  
VRISKA: God, I-  
VRISKA: I have to make some fucking calls.

You try calling all the others. Anyone you can - Vris, Tav, Rose, John, Roxy, whoever! - and nobody picks up. You consider calling Sollux, but... yeah, who are you kidding. Kanaya picks up, but all you hear are hard-clipped, incomprehensible death threats she screams into the receiver. You hang up. As you do, you hear one last point of note.

You hear her say something about retaliating “For What You Did To My Daughter”.

Oh god.

Oh god, surely she’s not...?

No! It’s fine! You cobalts have a lot of fucking blood in you! You just need to ask... oh no. Oh, please fuck no.

Alright, Vriska! He just sliced your arm clean off with a single motion and also spared your life when he probably shouldn’t have! No need to freak out about this!

Bluuuuuuuuh.

VRISKA: Hey, Harry. Can we-  
HARRY: oh my god!  
HARRY: vriska! you’re alive!  
HARRY: oh, that’s such a fucking relief. oh my god.  
VRISKA: Harry!  
HARRY: huh?  
VRISKA: How are you holding up? How’s Tav? How’s Vris????????  
HARRY: oh.  
HARRY: right.  
HARRY: i mean i’m mostly fine i guess. all four of you had it way worse than me.  
VRISKA: (Four?)  
HARRY: tavros isn’t like, upset or anything, but he says he’s pretty scared of you now. he definitely doesn’t wanna get in your way anytime soon!  
HARRY: me neither to be honest.  
HARRY: vris, though...  
HARRY: when you threw her against that wall, it totally fucked her spine. the doctor said she’s not gonna be able to walk again for months.  
HARRY: if... if she’s ever gonna walk again.  
VRISKA: Oh god, no...  
VRISKA: No, that can’t 8e r-  
HARRY: i mean she is really good at using her wheelchair already! and tav’s mom got him a new car that can fit the chair in the back.  
HARRY: really, the biggest thing is how depressed she is. she’s in really really bad shock.  
HARRY: i guess we all are.  
HARRY: sal was kind of like a sister to all of us.  
HARRY: and...  
HARRY: you killed her.  
HARRY: now i-

You hang up.

How should you be feeling right now? You’re not sure. You know how you are feeling. You lay perfectly still for a few minutes, glance up, out of your window, up at the night sky.

Man, today has just been the fucking worst. You need some rest, and so very very badly.

Getting under your blanket with just one arm is clumsy and impractical, but you do what you can. It takes longer than you’ve ever known it to before. So, you discover shortly afterward, does actually trying to get to sleep. Your last conscious thought before drifting off is that you don’t deserve to wake up.

⁂

_So, you think to yourself as you writhe out of your recuperacoon, this is it. The big night._

_You click your neck from side to side, and fail to stifle a yawn. Oh well, at least you’re pretty clean. It’d suck if you approached this night smelling like crap._

_You’ve also gotta look your best, too! You crawl over to your desk on one arm and retrieve that shitty mechanical prosthetic. It hooks in perfectly to its socket, stiff though it is, and you prop yourself up on both elbows._

_It has been a long time since Equius first built this arm for you, and in the time since, it has repeatedly worn out. Not to mention, you’ve outgrown it more than once. You’ve been trying to patch it up each time by cannibalizing whatever machinery you can, but that’s rendered it far less functional than it once was. Not to mention, of course, far uglier._

_You struggle to your feet, stumble to your wardrobe, and almost collapse opening the damn thing. Your knees are shaking, buckling even, but you stay standing. You’d say you have a tendency to stay standing._

_When was the last time you bought a new shirt? Good lord, this thing’s short enough to show off your grubscars. Slut._

_You clamber down the stairs, but your movement is shaky and awkward. You lean on the wall the whole time. You wish you could stay in your respiteblock, but you know what? You’re absolutely famished! You might as well have a decent breakfast, and Her carcass isn’t going anywhere soon. If you still had any friends, they’d probably think you vile and disgusting for it. Efficiency is efficiency, though, and honestly? Who really gives a shit anymore?_

_If you think about it, pretty much every damn thing that happens on this planet is way, way grosser. Seriously, say what you want about any of the alien civilizations the empire conquers, Alternia’s the one that invented grub sauce._

_You’re halfway across the main floor of your hive, to Her stairwell, when you cut your palm on a rusted nail sticking out of the wall. God dammit! Because tetanus is *exactly* what you fucking need at this point, right???????? This is bullshit. Whatever, today’s just gonna be garbage. Every day is, but especially this one._

_You feel a presence approaching your front door, and you stay perfectly still. If you make no sudden movements, everything will be juuuuuuuust fine. Hell, you got all dressed up. Let’s not make a fucking mess._

_Wait, is that..._

_ CARIUS: Oh, you have got to 8e kidding me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry this chapter took so long - particularly if you'd had to skip out on chapter 8! - but it's not without good reason and I hope you can agree that it was very, very much worth it. Y'see, I actually had this whole chapter written up back in January/February (literally everything I'd written here I'd written back then, save for one or two spelling errors I've since fixed up), but I couldn't shake the feeling that it needed to... well, you've seen for yourself now.
> 
> I explained what I wanted out of this chapter to my good buddy Ephemerald (https://twitter.com/ephemerald_) and he offered (well, insisted, really, but I wouldn't have dreamed of objecting) to help.
> 
> The reason I say this was well worth it is because Eph is one of the most skilled and creative people I know, and he understands this story both well enough and deeply enough for me to trust him with it. So, I spent the last few months waiting for him to have the free time to help me out with this. Frankly, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
> 
> So, just in case it wasn't clear, this is a collaborative project now. I can't express how overjoyed I was that Eph had offered to accompany this story with his illustrations, but aren't they bloody gorgeous? Aren't they just the best? Like I was saying earlier, he *understands* what this story is all about in a way few others do. Go ahead and drop him a follow on Twitter or something and cram more of his gorgeous art into your eye holes.


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